And you are talking to your ex-girlfriend. When nothing connects

Relationships can be hard, and breakups even worse. After a breakup, there may be times when you need to talk to your ex-partner. Even if your relationship doesn't work out, you may want to maintain friendships. Or vice versa, tired of each other, you will want to see each other less often. You may have a child together, which means that you will at least have to talk about his well-being. You might even want to try getting back together. But before you start dialing a number or typing a message, think it through first. Whatever the reason for calling, there are a few things that can help you through the process of talking to your ex (or ex).

Steps

Part 1

Consider your reasons for talking

You should not contact your ex just because you want to complain about him/her. Even though your relationship ended, you still had happy moments at some point. If you are trying to remain friends, then you should not bring up all the grievances and complaints, as this will not help solve the problem and will not benefit your relationship.

If you and your ex-partner have a child together, consider how your complaints will affect him. You don't want your child to think of you as a terrible person because of constant complaining.

Be honest. Don't beat around the bush. If you have something important to say to your ex, be direct. Don't make hints or passive comments, be straightforward and honest. Tell me if you need any communication boundaries (text/no text, email/no email, etc.).

Don't send false signals. Are you looking for a simple relationship that only involves sex? While your ex may be a great candidate, there is a chance that he/she still has romantic feelings for you. If you try to start a new type of relationship with your ex without telling them exactly what you expect from them, this could lead to an even sadder breakup.

Don't use your ex as a crutch for your emotional turmoil. In moments of loneliness or despair, it is very easy to rely on someone you know. You may have the idea that it is with your ex that you will feel much better. However, try not to use your ex as a crying vest. It's better to ask friends or family for help.

Don't forget why you broke up. Regardless of your reasons (to talk or not to talk to your ex), don't forget that there was a reason for the breakup. If you think you'll find a way to fix everything, don't be delusional. Another date won't make your ex(s) a new person. Know that all promises to change are nothing more than empty words.

Offer him/her something to do. If your ex has responded to you and he/she is interested in continuing the conversation, invite him/her to meet at a place you both liked and that left behind good memories. Offer several alternatives and ask which he/she would prefer. If your ex is unable to meet you in person or he/she lives far away, arrange to talk over the phone. Ask him/her what day and what time he/she will be free and call him/her. It is advisable to plan everything in advance so that your busy schedule does not interfere with your conversation.

For example, was there a coffee shop or restaurant that you visited often and that you only have positive memories of? You might also meet at a park or bakery you've never been to before. Choose a place like this for your first meeting so that nothing gets in the way of your relationship moving forward.
If you and your ex have had frequent conflicts but need to meet and talk about things like children, a public space will allow you to keep your emotions in check.
Skype is an inexpensive and easy way to stay connected over long distances (and in some ways, short distances). To communicate via Skype, it is enough for both of you to have a computer or tablet, as well as an Internet connection. A nice feature of Skype is that you don't have to turn on your camera if you don't want to.

Do something nice for your ex. If you want to remain friends, a thoughtful gesture will allow your ex to think about you in a positive way. What exactly that gesture is is entirely up to you, but it should be based on your personality and skills. Don't overdo it or make your ex-partner feel uncomfortable. It should be something that he/she will appreciate and enjoy. For example, you can show that you remember something specific about her/him (a love for a particular type of chocolate that can be bought in a particular store; a passion for a particular type of tea, etc.). This will let you know that you haven't forgotten about the good times you had.

For example, you remember that your ex-partner liked a particular homemade beer that can only be found in a few places, or that he/she collects some kind of figurines or snow globes. Such inexpensive, simple and thoughtful gestures will show your ex-partner that you still remember many good things about him/her.

Be very clear about your intentions. You initiated this conversation for a reason. You have decided that you want to create some type of relationship with your ex. Make sure you understand exactly what you want and make it clear to your ex(s). If you want to remain friends, be clear about it. Tell me if you want to get back together. If you don't want to talk to your ex except when it comes to your children, let him/her know that. Most likely, he/she is interested in your intentions, so his/her question should not take you by surprise. You should have the answer ready.

You must be clear about your intentions. Determine exactly what you want from your ex-partner and stick to it. If you want to get back together, be clear about it. If you just want to be friends, make sure your ex understands that right away. And if your ex asks you to settle for less, seriously consider leaving.

Be prepared for negative reactions. Don't forget why you broke up. Your ex-partner may have felt some emotions from your breakup that you didn't realize existed or that you didn't understand. You must be prepared for the fact that your ex-partner will react negatively to everything you say, even if you only had good intentions. Don't turn a refusal into a scandal and don't do or say anything you might regret later.

Before you meet or talk to your ex, think about how he/she might react. Think about the reasons why your ex might react this way. Prepare your response to these possible reactions so they don't take you by surprise when and if they happen.

Part 3

Talk

Consider your personal communication style. Everyone has their own personal communication style. These styles can affect your ex's understanding of everything you say. By becoming more aware of your personal communication style, you will be better able to understand how your words may be interpreted. This will help avoid confusion and conflict, and also change your style if you are sure that your ex will react poorly to your usual communication style. For example, if you usually tell it like it is, but you know your ex might be intimidated by such statements, restrain your directness at least at the beginning of the conversation.
- Affiliate communicators prefer a collaborative style of communication. When making a decision, they listen to the opinions of various people. This means that when making a decision, they are more likely to listen to their partners' suggestions and take them into account.
- Competitive communicators I like power and influence. Most often, they make decisions themselves without anyone's help. They are usually quite assertive (but not necessarily aggressive), direct, and argumentative with those who disagree with them.
- Meaning direct communicators revealed in their name. By nature, they are direct in communication. They tell it like it is and don't beat around the bush. If they want something specific, they talk about it. If they don't like what you do, you'll know about it. Thanks to this directness, this type of communicator can be understood quite quickly. When they want something, there is practically no misunderstanding. Sometimes direct communicators can seem pushy or aggressive.
- Indirect communicators have difficulty expressing their thoughts, desires or needs. During communication, they form a certain subtext and hope that someone will be able to read between the lines and understand them. When communicating with this type of communicator, there is usually a lot of confusion and misunderstanding, but such communication is less aggressive.
Remember to be an active listener. Listening is an important part of any communication. Active listening is about being aware of what your partner is saying (what he/she is saying and what he/she means by it). When you think about all the distractions that may arise during your communication, active listening becomes even more important. Your cell phone, car horns, televisions, people arguing, etc. can all take your attention away from your partner and direct it elsewhere. There are many techniques you can learn to become a more active listener.
- Restate and summarize everything you heard. Feel free to say everything in other words that will make the meaning clearer and simpler. By recounting and summarizing everything you heard, your ex will not only know that you were paying attention, but also whether you truly understood what he/she meant.
  - For example, you could say the following: “I understand that you want to pick up the children not every week, but every few weeks. Am I right?
- Don't interrupt. If your ex is trying to convey something to you, be attentive and maintain eye contact, nod your head or assent so that he/she can continue talking. Let him/her say what he/she wants and don't interrupt so that he/she doesn't lose track. This means that you should also remain silent when the other person is thinking or when he/she is trying to find the right words.
- Ask questions. If you don't understand something or want to clarify the situation, ask him/her about it. If you feel like your ex has only scratched the surface of a particular topic, ask her/him questions to find out more.
  - Try to keep these questions unconditional and without blaming anyone for anything. For example: “How do you think we will communicate further?”
- Consider your ex-partner's feelings. Be sensitive to what he/she says. If you thought the situation he/she was talking about was very unpleasant, say that it wasn't easy for him/her. Speak in a way that makes them feel comfortable and more open to you. If your ex-partner said something that he/she found difficult to talk about, thank him/her for sharing it with you.
Leave space for communication. Make sure that the combination of your communication style and active listening techniques does not undermine what your ex is trying to tell you. This is especially important if one of the reasons you broke up was a lack of communication. If the communication style you used before didn't work, then you should try something new now, otherwise you won't be able to move forward. There are a few things to remember and not to do when communicating with your ex.
- Don't ask too many questions that start with the word "why", especially if the question starts with "why don't you...". Having this type of question puts people on the defensive, which in turn can lead to an argument.
- Don't minimize your ex's feelings by saying that he/she shouldn't worry about something or that something shouldn't bother him/her. You have no right to judge what may or may not bother another person. He has the right to worry and worry about something.
- If you start asking follow-up questions or asking your ex to explain things in more detail, but you see that he/she doesn't want to do it, then stop. Don't force him or her to say anything he/she doesn't want. If he/she wants to tell you something, he/she will tell you when he/she is ready.
- Don't assume you know how your ex feels. You also shouldn't tell him/her about your life every time he/she talks about his/hers. If he/she starts telling you about a time when he/she was very upset about something, don't turn it into a story about a time when you were very upset.
Explore the source of your feelings. You are the same person as your ex-partner. You both have unpleasant emotions sometimes, but that doesn't mean you're not allowed to have them. You can feel and think, but you should also try to acknowledge the times when you project your emotions onto other people. You may even have a completely reasonable explanation for why you sometimes have these thoughts and feelings. Perhaps your past experiences are to blame.
- For example, you dated someone who cheated on you in the past and lied about it, saying that he stayed late at the office. Now, when your current partner tells you that he works late, you may start to think irrationally. Try explaining this to your partner. Explain to him/her where these thoughts are coming from and that you understand that they did nothing to lose their trust, but because of your past experiences, these thoughts are still with you.
- Sometimes thoughts and feelings can be irrational. For example, you may be jealous that your ex(s) have a new partner, even though you don't want to get back together with her. These feelings mean that your ex means a lot to you. The presence of such thoughts and feelings is understandable.
Be open, honest and respectful. Since this conversation is happening because you and your ex-partner need to achieve some goal, you need to be very clear, understandable and honest. Explain to him/her what you want. Explain what you are trying to achieve from this conversation. Explain exactly how you feel. Accept that you have needs and wants and that these are perfectly acceptable.

As we know, love relationships sometimes collapse, and therefore we have compiled instructions on the psychology of relationships: how to treat a girl after you break up. Select one of the desired options and follow the described scheme.
As real friends, we will not pry into your soul and find out which of you really abandoned whom. That's not the point. The important thing is that you are finally breaking up, which means these tips will come in handy.

First, sober up and decide what you now want from this woman. Having discarded criminal options, we have identified the four most common models for the further development of your relationship. You know that you will either become friends, or meet for sex, or after some time try to start all over again, or separate forever. From now on, you don’t have to guess what will happen next: you can choose any of the models for developing relationships yourself. Recommendations for communicating with your ex-girlfriend, which we compiled with the help of psychologist, interpersonal relations specialist and TV presenter Yana Laputina, will help you!

Model one - Friends
The most common, and therefore basic, model of relationships. Not everyone succeeds in becoming friends, but many try. The reasons for these efforts are clear. On the one hand, waking up every morning in the same bed is already unbearable, on the other hand, no one but her knows you so well, which means that only with her can you share small but important joys and only with her can you ask for advice on any topic , be it work or a relationship with a new friend. In a word, you have already accepted that this is not your woman, but you don’t want to lose her as a person. Not only that, but you suddenly started to believe in cross-gender friendships. Precisely friendship - without options after some time to try everything all over again. And even without drunken sex. And not just drunk - without sex with this woman at all. After all, you are friends!

Model features
The expert dubbed this model the most honest (although in fact this is not the case - if a man who has broken up with a woman, especially if she left him, believes that there is now friendship between them, he is deceiving himself), because relying on friendship implies, perhaps, the most civilized separation as possible. “True, I am wary of the very formulation “we will part as friends,” because in many cases this only means that the partners have no complaints against each other,” says the expert. But this is not friendship, but something like “let’s get to know each other.” And after breaking up, you are a priori acquaintances, even if during the last quarrel you pull each other’s hair out. So before you take any action, honestly answer two questions for yourself.
First: do you understand what friendship is with a woman, not necessarily with an ex?
Second: why do you need this friendship? The answer to the first question is partially revealed above: you, almost as before, share secrets and secrets, ask each other for advice or to borrow money. By the way, you will also have to be happy that she is much happier with her new boyfriend than in your best time. Think about the second question without our prompts. Weigh all the pros and cons and decide whether you really need it. Maybe it's better to just be acquaintances?

How dangerous is the Friends model?
“The main danger is that you will never be able to be friends in the full sense of the word: it is extremely rare that people break up without a shadow of hatred, desires to return the relationship and claims against each other,” says Yana Laputina. However, this danger is scary not because of the presence of mutual claims, but because you can’t do anything about it, this danger: you need to take it for granted and simply take a risk.

It is possible that one of you will want to return the relationship. If this someone is you, think carefully and, if you really need it, go to option B, that is, model 2, and act on a new strategy. Since your emotional stability is currently poor, we consider it our duty to remind you that a passionate desire to return everything usually arises in the first months after a breakup, which is absolutely natural if there is no replacement for your ex-girlfriend.
You need to get through this period, and the simple joys of life will help you with this. For example, find a new girl. If you are not yet familiar with the beliefs of pick-up artists and you think that sleeping with a new girl you know just to get over a breakup is too mean even for you, pick up women for money.

Other options for distraction: throw yourself into a new project at work, go on vacation, find a new hobby, sign up for a foreign language course. “If your ex wants to try everything first, but you don’t, then it’s better to just talk to her and explain that you’re not ready for a repeat. At the same time, make an appointment in a completely new place for both of you and stop any attempts by the girl to start a conversation about the time when you were together, our consultant advises. With the help of nostalgia, a woman tries to check whether you are inclined to try again. Support for such memories on your part is something like a “more likely to be located than not” response. Your new girlfriend may not understand your friendship and may even think that you are still, sorry, in love with each other. To prevent suspicions, resentments and scandals, from the very first days of meeting you, do not hide from your new friend that you communicate well with your old one. At the same time, don’t remember what it was like for you two. And actually, mention that she has a new boyfriend, even if she doesn't actually have one.

What to do next
“Be honest. Say you want to leave and try to verbalize how you feel: “I’m tired,” “I don’t even miss you anymore, and it’s not your fault,” and so on. If you have a worthy person next to you, he will appreciate your directness. If the person turned out to be inadequate, you can only sympathize with the fact that you spent part of your life with him. Cut to the quick and better forget about the idea of being friends,” admonishes the expert.
“If your goal is to transform the relationship into friendship, and in the shortest possible time, the ideal separation scenario is when both partners are ready for this,” says Yana Laputina. By and large, you both feel that your union will not last long and the only question is who will be the first to decide to talk about it.” In this situation, there is even a chance that you will become friends as soon as you finally sort out the relationship. “We just have to wait until the girl is ready for this kind of separation. It is artificially impossible to push a woman to such readiness.”

Let's say the idea to break up is yours. Moreover, you are such a pragmatic initiator that you began to think about your initiative in advance. Having chosen the case, find out how the girl feels about friendship after a breakup and under what circumstances she considers it possible or impossible. “Since finding out such things directly is an inevitable path to unnecessary questioning, probe her position through abstract things. For example, through discussing separating partners in a movie or talking about your mutual friends Pasha and Masha, who separated two years ago, but despite this, they are friends like water,” our consultant recommends.
“Take a time out and reduce your communication to a minimum,” the expert admonishes. Remind yourself only once or twice a week, and in a purely friendly manner. In a friendly way it’s “Hello! How are you?”, and not “Hello, bunny! How are you?". “How many of your friends do you call bunnies?” Yana Laputina reasonably asks. Stop the habit of calling this girl by diminutive terms, even if it is not the type of animal, but her name. “Such little things will constantly hint that, in addition to friendly feelings, you still have something more for each other,” the expert comments.

What not to do
“Of course, this is a personal matter, but I would not advise having farewell sex,” says Yana Laputina. It will mean that you are not yet ready to part with this person specifically as a woman, which means there can be no talk of full-fledged friendship.”
Never say phrases like “You are very good, but...”, “I don’t deserve you”, “With someone else you will be truly happy”, etc. “Any attempts to provoke your partner to leave you are decided he, this desire to shift responsibility for his decision onto another, but you don’t do that with friends. You must be responsible for your decisions, especially if these decisions concern, albeit still only potential, but still friends,” our consultant admonishes.

During a showdown, do not try to negotiate friendship with her. “It’s like asking a woman during childbirth whether you will have another child,” Yana Laputina draws an analogy. She may be ready for friendship, but you chose the worst possible moment to find out.
“If you have not just decided to leave, but are leaving for someone else with whom you dated long before breaking up with your previous girlfriend, think carefully before telling about it,” the expert advises. Confessing, although you will be honest, will make you look like a scoundrel. “And meanness and friendship are incompatible,” says Yana Laputina.
“At first, don’t drink together. This is an axiom,” says the expert.

Model two - Backup option
Vika is not the worst thing that happened to you in this life. What is there! At one point, you even loved her and were almost ready to spend the rest of your life with her, until you realized that there was quite a lot left. Perhaps you will really marry her if you don’t find anyone better in the next five years. “Your task is to keep a woman on a short leash, not to let her completely leave you,” the expert sums up the essence of the model. For everyone who decided to keep a girl in reserve, we have great news: despite prejudices, no tricks on your part are needed. Everything is extremely simple!

Model features
“This is the most deceitful behavior,” says Yana Laputina. Therefore, we warn you: if you are one of those men who are used to behaving honestly with women, it is better not to look at this point, but instead re-read about friendship. If you have great nerves, and you choose this model as your strategy for the coming months, here’s a bonus: the advice works, even if the girl gets another man during this time and it will be nice for them together.

Why is the model dangerous?
Nothing. No wonder she is the most cunning.

What to do
“By and large, you need to do what the first behavior model prohibits. Call your ex by an affectionate nickname that she likes, and start and maintain conversations about pleasant memories from your shared past. Remind yourself more often, and not only with calls and SMS: from time to time, go to the cinema together and to a cafe that is significant for you - for example, the one where you met.” Such outings will constantly remind a woman of the time when you were together. And even if she was the initiator of your separation, after several such gatherings she will begin to be overcome by doubt: was this step really the right one? After all, apart from your rows with breaking dishes and weekly parties with friends, whiskey and poker, you were a good couple.

Don't miss the opportunity to invite her to your place. For example, to those parties with whiskey and poker. Drunk sex is what you need to fully prevent a woman from forgetting the time you were together. And “don’t let a woman forget your wonderful past” is the main thesis of the entire strategy! Thank the girls for their phenomenal sentimentality.
Finally, set reminders on your phone for your memorable dates. As before, congratulate them on “this wonderful event” and offer to celebrate it somewhere.

“Be” is not just a particle, but your ally, support and friend. Remember some rough edges in your relationship and insert these rough edges into the template: “If it weren’t for X and Y, our past would have been even more beautiful.” “Would” gives hope, as if by chance hinting that if you correct some details from the past, you will make an excellent couple, and the union will become much stronger than before.”

What not to do
There is no need to hide the appearance of a new girl. It’s enough to tell your ex more often about how you spend your time and, again putting pressure on sentimentality, say that everything was different for you and you miss those times. Don't forget to mention the merits of your new girlfriend - this trick will make your ex jealous.
Don't introduce her to a new girl. At first glance, dating will help increase feelings of jealousy. However, this move is more likely to make it clear to your ex that she has been promoted to the rank of your friends or even acquaintances.

Model number three - Sex only
A girl who doesn’t mind the fact that you have someone else and demands exclusively sex is no less a fetish than a personal secretary - a stripper or a ’67 Chevrolet Impala. And the main beauty of this fetish is that it is an order of magnitude more real than the other two! The model is similar to the fairy tale about Cinderella, especially if you watched its dirty version: although the idea can be brought to life, it can only continue with a single woman for a strictly limited time - details are below.

Why is the model dangerous?
“If you don’t stop in time, sooner or later the girl will begin to claim a status greater than just a mistress. Even if you discussed in advance that there can be nothing between you except sex, the expert assures. On the contrary, mentioning this agreement will lead to an even greater conflict.” The only way to avoid scandals from the “leave her, marry me” series is to sense in time that a woman is no longer interested in sex alone, and immediately retreat. Sorry, but we won’t be able to give the go-ahead that the limit on sex without obligations has been exhausted: such relationships can last from a week to several years, so you will need your own powers of observation to make a timely maneuver.

What to do
Invite her to parties periodically: it is easier to become a lover and mistress if you have sex the first time while drunk. And if a woman was not initially ready for such a relationship, she will certainly find an excuse in alcohol.
“Here, almost everything is the same as on the first dates. A woman loves with her ears, and therefore it’s worth telling her beautifully how wonderful your sex was. At the same time, do not forget to mention that in everything else you, as it turns out, are completely incompatible.” By seeing a woman's reaction, you can determine how committed she is to playing by the rules of Model 3.

What not to do
Even if your ex knows that you have a girlfriend, don’t get carried away with stories about her. This is dangerous for several reasons. For example, your ex-passion already doubts whether she needs your new relationship, and talking about your new hobby will only strengthen these doubts. Outcome: you will only have one girl left. Another option: jealousy will awaken in your old friend and she will try with all her might to get you back. But the worst thing will happen if your mistress comes to the conclusion that you have decided to settle in an impermissibly good way, and wants to leave you with your nose. In other words, the ex will do everything to ensure that the new woman finds out that you have someone else, causes a scandal and leaves.

Model 4.1 Gentlemanly and forever
You have decided that it is better for you not to see each other again, and you are ready to take all measures for this. However, what can we hide, with this woman you spent, if not the best time of your entire life, then certainly not the most uninteresting. And therefore, she did not deserve any scandals, nor the role of a backup option, nor the place of a sex doll. In a word, despite the fact that you are breaking up, you want to remain a great guy for her, with whom for some reason it just didn’t work out.

Model features
Even if you move to the other side of the world, your plan to never see this girl again may fail. Especially if you haven't changed your mind about being a gentleman. “You will never be strangers anyway, and therefore, when you separate, you should always leave each other the opportunity to ask for help,” says Yana Laputina. You should no longer help with repairs, but if a very difficult situation on the verge of life and death happens in this person’s life, then he should know that he can rely on you.” “They may want to return you,” says our consultant. As a rule, men break down from persistent night SMS or offers to have sex for the last time, come to her in the middle of the night, have a drink together, and so on.” To stay with your decision, you need to be brave and stick to it until the end. Do not respond to such messages and calls, no matter what the cost.

What to do
“You need to indicate your intentions regarding future relationships already when breaking up,” says Yana. To make it clear that you are serious, try to explain the reason for your decision.”

What not to do
Try to do without goodbye sex. There is a high probability that he will be the beginning of the collapse of your plan, and the girl will decide what happens next between you.

Model 4.2 - With scandal and forever
A more realistic variation of the previous model. “Don’t be afraid of scandals, there’s nothing wrong with them. They will help you let off steam and relieve tension for both of you,” says the expert. We think you know how to run into a scandal: just talk about your complaints against a woman or remember the moments when you lied to her. By the way, no quarrel cancels a woman’s unspoken right to count on you in case of serious problems.

Information on the topic

I had love and a serious relationship with a girl, which ended 2.5 years ago. We were together, including living together, for three years and broke up for no apparent serious reason. I don’t understand how it happened. Like everyone else. Falling in love took over everyday life, they began to get a little annoying with each other, they weren’t planning children yet, they wanted to live for themselves. But they began to get a little tired of each other. Quarrels over trifles have become more frequent. Never for serious reasons. After one such quarrel, they separated on the initiative of the girls. It seemed to me that we would get together right away, because the feelings were strong. None of our friends could have imagined that this would happen to us. But unexpectedly for me, literally after a couple of weeks the girl began dating someone else. This made me angry. What I know is that I didn’t cheat, but, apparently, I wanted to try something new with someone else. Our love did not pass the test.

It so happened that we had a common company, common friends, who turned out to be between two fires. Although we separated peacefully, we could no longer be in the same company. Since she had a new young man who had his own company, firstly, and the fact that many of our mutual friends thought that she had acted rudely by immediately leaving for someone else, it turned out that most people moved away from her. She was worried about this, since we had all known each other for a long time, and not everything was going so smoothly in her new company. But in the end, it was her choice. I didn't influence my friends in any way.

When we separated, she asked us to part as friends, but for me these are all words. How can you become friends when you were family? On her part, I took it simply as a standard set of words when breaking up, meaning nothing.

We didn't communicate for some time. Sometimes I heard something about her, friends casually told me what they had heard. They said that not everything was as smooth as she thought. They already had quarrels. They said that her new boyfriend did not share her interests and hobbies at all (and we had a lot in common).

At first I was very worried, but gradually I moved away. I tried to date, but somehow it didn’t come to a serious relationship. There were no those feelings, that fire. I never sat without a girl, but nothing good came of it.

And literally a year later, when I had almost completely moved on from the breakup and started living a new life, she suddenly appeared on the horizon. I started going out to communicate. She asked for help with something. When we met, seemingly on business, we immediately started talking. So much time to know everything that happens to each other, to understand each other. Of course, we had something to talk about. Although all this embarrassed me, it began to remind me of a parting that had already been forgotten. Because we talked as if there had never been any separation.

I thought that she wouldn’t mind returning the relationship, and thus was preparing the ground. But it turned out not. Later, somehow casually, she said that everything was fine with them and that, roughly speaking, she was not going to change anything.

However, she resumed her relationship with me. We communicate quite often and for a long time. She sometimes began to give some souvenirs. As if by chance, we meet at some events that were previously interesting to both of us and spend time there together. Maybe hug, take your hand. I can’t say that there is a lot of communication and often. But it happens. Sometimes it disappears for a long time. Then he appears. Maybe give him some trinket. There is no talk about the personal lives of both.

And I understood why this was happening, remembering what my friends told me. She lacks understanding, joint hobbies, interests, and friendship in the new couple. And I began to feel that I was being used. I loved her, but I never saw her as a close friend. I'm starting to remember our relationship. I can't start a new serious relationship with someone else.

How to deal with the situation?

How to behave?

Should I tell her that I don’t want to communicate with her anymore because I’m starting to remember a past that I’ve long forgotten about and that’s disturbing my heart? Sounds stupid.

Try to get used to it and become a friend? I never perceived her that way.

Leaving, leaving? Should you be friends with your ex?

Friendship with exes - how normal is this, and does this close communication interfere with new relationships?

Family psychologist, interpersonal relationship consultant, director of the dating agency “Me and You” Elena Kuznetsova tells the story.

If there is a “connecting link”

The friendship that former couples maintain is natural only if these people are connected by something after a breakup, for example, a child or a common business, says the psychologist.

Most often, women who suspect their men of cheating are jealous of their exes, and out of emotion, ladies often put forward harsh ultimatums to their partners. This is not always correct, because assertive actions can only achieve results from weak men who are accustomed to submitting. A normal man will be unhappy with your demands.

Kuznetsova agrees that sometimes there really are reasons for jealousy: if a couple had once strong feelings, then it is likely that they have not completely faded away. And looking at the child, the man still thinks about his ex-wife. It’s another matter if his lady is already in a new relationship, or there has never been much love in the family - there is no reason to worry.

When “fighting” with a rival, do not strictly limit the man, since he still cannot stop seeing his child or leaving the business he shares with his ex-wife. Act gently: you can cry, be sad, even talk about your fears. You can, again in a gentle form, offer an alternative. For example, do not go to your ex to communicate with the child in her house, but take the baby to your place for the weekend.

The new woman should be fully prepared and try to “outplay” her ex if the man is still not indifferent to her. You should carefully find out from your chosen one what he liked in past relationships and what he lacked. After this, try to give your partner everything he needs: care, attention, sex, etc.

When nothing connects

If there is no “connecting link”, but a man still often communicates with his ex, or even former passions, saying that he remained on good terms with everyone after the breakup, this is a cause for concern.

“Such a man cannot even be called a man in the classical sense. This is a man-woman, he is everyone’s best friend. Or he is a womanizer, and for him you are just another passing option. With a high degree of probability, we can say that such a man does not just see his exes, but meets them for sex,” notes Kuznetsova.

If a man does not communicate in a friendly manner with all his exes, but only with one woman, this relationship is still unnatural.

“If nothing connects people, what is the point of maintaining a relationship? Ask for advice, talk about your personal life? How then can you look your current passion in the eyes?” - continues the psychologist.

Kuznetsova explains that there is no pure friendship between exes; it is always based on something, either on feelings that have not yet cooled down, or on some kind of benefit, which does not necessarily mean something material. For example, a man likes to communicate with his ex because she has a calming effect on him. But then another question arises: why does your partner seek solace not from you, but from a previous passion.

The psychologist’s verdict is this: communication with exes when there is no “connecting link” between them is abnormal. And we need to fight this.

First, the new girl needs to find out for what purpose her man is dating his ex. Carefully, without unnecessary emotions, several times, “approaching” from different directions, ask the same question. There should be some time between questions. If a man always gives the same answer, then his current lady needs to think about why she can’t give her chosen one what her ex gives him. We need to try to correct the situation.

If the answers are different, then the man is probably deceiving you. And, most likely, his meetings with his ex are sexually motivated.

You can also call the man for a frank conversation and explain to him that you are unpleasant about his communication with his ex. It is possible that your chosen one did not even naively suspect this and for your sake will break with his past.

Often communication with exes takes place on the Internet. Often men, in response to claims voiced by a new woman on this matter, ask not to make mountains out of molehills, because “it’s just the Internet.”

There is a very fine line here, and situations can be different, notes Elena Kuznetsova. She is sure that if a man loves his woman, he will not hurt her. Or if he sees that the current woman is jealous, he will try to explain the situation. It will show correspondence, from which it is clear that they communicate with their ex extremely rarely, they simply congratulate each other on the holiday, for example.

Another thing is that the man denies everything, and in the evenings he disappears on the Internet, and his communication with his ex is very close. And even though we are talking not about real, but about virtual relationships, emotionally he is still with the other. He can be with a real woman, for example, for the sake of bed or “saucepans”.

“It sounds funny, but in this situation, a real woman finds herself in an even less advantageous situation than a virtual one, with whom the man lives internally and shares his impressions. If a man behaves like this, it means he is bored with his new woman. He does not receive what he receives from the previous chosen one,” states the psychologist.

A new girl needs to think more about her man in order to first displace and then replace her virtual friend, because interesting communication is rare. Just do not use assertive tactics under any circumstances if we are talking about a normal man and not an infantile one. Rigidity can simply lead to a breakup, because your chosen one has already preferred another woman in terms of communication. And if a woman, less interesting in this regard, sets her own conditions, the man gets angry and says: “Don’t be hysterical, don’t invent something that doesn’t exist” - that is, he is already putting up blockers. If a woman continues to fight against a blocked door, she faces even more aggression.

Online magazine of women's erudition - Soloha.info

I invite everyone to live with optimism!

How to communicate with your ex? Is it worth holding on to the past?

Relationship

Life is unpredictable. Have you seen the movie “The Marrying Habit” with Kim Basinger and Alec Baldwin? These are the twists of fate, the boiling of passions! A life partner can become an ex overnight. And the former man will firmly enter life again. A woman should always remember this phenomenon, and even with the ugliest parting (treason, betrayal, seizure of money, division of joint property and children), remain a prudent person! How to communicate with your ex after a breakup?

No one even doubts that a completely pretty, modern and self-sufficient girl (like you!) always has in stock not one, not two, but a whole arsenal of “formers”. Some may be fans, admirers from school, others - arrogant popular handsome men who broke your naive heart while studying at university, and even those whom you dared to marry in spite of the whole world in order to prove your independence. And all these exes were, in their own way, significant in your life. What to do, how to communicate with your ex (or exes)?

To begin with, there is no need to unconditionally reject these “exes”. Who knows how circumstances will turn out - especially if you yourself gave the reason for separation! Under the influence of strong emotions or during a period of temporary indifference, anything can happen! Sometimes couples get back together, no matter what! Many years may pass, several partners may change, but in the end you will still be with him.

When people in love lose passion this indicates an unwillingness to work on the relationship. But this can be fixed with mutual desire. But you need to try to maintain respect for each other under any circumstances, otherwise there is no need to start any communication after breaking up at all.

How to communicate with your ex? Depends on the relationship before the breakup

There is no definite answer to this question, because everyone has their own relationship history. What is the reason for the separation? Who initiated the separation? How long were you together? Who loved and who allowed themselves to be loved? Has the passion gone? Do you want to get your relationship back or forget it forever?

First of all, answer these questions honestly, because the main thing depends on your feelings: is it worth wasting your time communicating with your ex? Is this necessary for you? To understand how to communicate with your ex, let's look at several situations.

3 questions immediately after a breakup:

Should you immediately inform your parents (yours and his) that you have broken up, or hush up the questions for now? What if this is just a banal disagreement, and in a couple of days you will get back together?

Should you tell your girlfriends and mutual friends that you separated immediately, day after day; What if this is just an emotional quarrel, and then you yourself will regret this excessive talkativeness?

Should you delete photos of you together from social networks, or change your status from “almost married” to “actively searching”?

Advice: Experience shows that there is no need to rush into these sensitive issues. We need to come to our senses and take a break. Even if emotions overwhelm. First, you must sort out your feelings for the person who betrayed you. What do you feel for him, already an ex?

Love, hate or indifference?

Surely after a breakup you have one of these feelings. Or maybe all at once. And you wonder whether you want to return the relationship, take revenge for all the grievances, or erase all contacts and forget everything related to the relationship with this person.

The last option - indifference is usually present if, before the final separation, you already had an “alternate airfield” in the form of another man. You simply don't care about your ex-partner, his feelings don't bother you. Or this man is so disgusted that parting with him is a long-awaited event for you! By the way, when feelings for a partner cool, sometimes women deliberately provoke separation.

What your emotions when breaking up depend on is how your relationship with your ex will develop.

If a man leaves you, should you communicate with him and how? Stages

The first stage is emotional.

If, fortunately, you are with this monster If you didn’t have children together who could suffer if your parents separated, then everything is much simpler. It's time for you to start your new life. Even if you were married for 10 years and then separated, this is not a reason to give up on yourself. At first you will feel rage, hatred and a desire to emasculate the man you spent so many years of your life on.

These are the first, natural emotions. You will feel ugly, undesirable, and unwanted. An ex who has successfully disappeared during this period may sometimes call and inquire in a caring tone about your well-being and mood. Well, how can a woman, crushed and trampled, communicate with him? At this moment, you are ready for all his conditions in order to regain at least your self-esteem.

Attention! Don't date your ex who dumped you at the drop of a hat. Although you are drawn to him, because he is still a dear person to you. But you are already a stranger to him. Keep this in mind when trying to find a reason to meet or call.

The second stage is gradual distancing.

The first time after a breakup- the most painful thing, you just need to survive it. Time really does heal, proven! After the tears have been cried, it’s time to take care of yourself, if only out of a desire for revenge. Even though it's difficult, try not to call and not look for meetings with your ex. You must learn to live without him and enjoy life.

Have a bachelorette party with the boys! Surely your friends, who previously did not even dare to call to communicate, will be active! Change your hairstyle, hair color and buy yourself something new, bright and fashionable clothes. Join a gym and train as intensely as possible, vent your resentment, anger and despair in the gym or pool.

And be prepared for a chance meeting with an ex-man in the company of joint friends, fully armed! The more chic you look, the better for you. Don’t explain long and tediously why you were abandoned, just say “we broke up.” Most likely, your friends will be divided in their opinions; someone will be on your ex’s side, even if it was he who left you. Be prepared to find out who actually treated you sincerely while you were a couple.

Attention! Don't speak badly or disrespectfully about your ex in the company of your mutual friends. When you meet, be cold and polite. Don’t bother with questions and memories. It is enough to exchange “duty” phrases of a general nature.

The third stage is not to communicate with your ex.

Should I become friends with my ex? Definitely not. Even if you wholeheartedly want, under the pretext of friendship, to see each other more often, communicate, correspond on social networks, do not do it! It will only hurt you more. If you have been dumped, your ex should be the initiator of friendly communication. Most likely, this will happen over time, unless, of course, after parting, you begin to throw mud at him at every corner and bring your intimate details into the light.

A smart man will appreciate your behavior. Perhaps, having gone through separation, having tried yourself in other relationships, you will come to the conclusion that it is for the best that you broke up. Meet your true soul mate, feel love and romance again in a relationship with another man.

Attention! Don't try to be friends with your ex if he left you. Through friendly communication, he will bind you morally, you will have hope for a reunion, and you need to move on in life, in your own direction. Don't waste time being friends with your ex, start looking for another partner.

Optimistic conclusions:

Breaking up with your partner doesn't always mean something bad. Life doesn't end, and that's the main thing. After time, when emotions subside, you will be able to communicate with your ex more calmly and balanced. With mutual desire, of course. Treat your ex like a distant relative - well, he is somewhere, he exists, but you don’t really care.

In general, the best option is to actively build a relationship with another man. Because by the time your ex realizes with horror what a mistake he made in losing you and wants to come back, you will no longer care about him, his friendship, communication, sex and everything connected with him.

And remember that a woman, having gone through parting, tears and the bitterness of loss, always ends up prettier, thinner and blossoms for her next man, who will definitely appear in life!

Should you communicate with your ex after a breakup? No!

How to get over a breakup? Is it possible to remain friends? Psychologist Jill Weber explains why you should end your relationship with your ex-partner.

Breaking up a relationship is almost never easy. The injured party thinks: “This can’t happen!” The search begins for ways to fix everything, revive or repair relationships. Many are looking for meetings with a partner, trying to discuss the chances of a reunion, appealing to past feelings and writing messages on social networks. We take time, sort things out, but it only gets worse. The easiest way to cope with pain is to reduce communication with your ex-partner to nothing.

We create the illusion of the old life, but we are not living

This advice is difficult to follow. We invent new reasons for meetings - for example, we offer to return forgotten things, we call and ask about the health of former relatives and convey congratulations on the holidays. This is how we create the illusion of our former life, but we don’t live.

The only valid reason for continuing communication is having children together. In the event of a divorce, we continue to share the worries associated with raising them. We have to meet and talk on the phone. But even in this case, we need to try to keep communication to a minimum and talk only about the children.

Here are four reasons to cut off communication.

1. Continuing to communicate with your ex will not heal you.

Ending a relationship is painful, but the pain doesn't last forever. You will be sad, angry, offended that life is unfair. These feelings are natural and part of the recovery process, but gradually you will come to terms with what happened.

By continuing to communicate with your ex-partner, you interfere with the recovery process, preferring the destructive strategy of denying the obvious. To open up to a new life and confidently plan for the future, you need to fully accept the fact that the relationship is over. By accepting the breakup, you will feel relieved and your life will become calmer.

2. You're depriving yourself of energy.

While you direct your energy to communicating with your partner, you do not have enough energy for joy, communication with children, hobbies and new relationships.

3. You live in a fantasy world

The relationship is over. Whatever you think about them is an illusion. The connection with your partner will never be the same, and the fact that you continue it suggests that you are living in your own alternative reality, where you are happy together. You strive for meetings, but when communicating in the real world, you feel frustrated. While you live in a fictional world, you are depriving yourself of real life.

4. You make the same mistakes again

Those who cannot come to terms with a breakup tend to blame themselves. They don't believe that a breakup can be an opportunity for personal growth. They scold themselves instead of leaving the relationship in the past and moving on, trying not to repeat the mistakes they made.

If you can't accept a breakup, your life turns into Groundhog Day. Every day you wake up with the same fears, disappointments and accusations against yourself. You're stuck in a relationship that doesn't exist: you can't be with your ex, but you can't move on. Once you let go of past relationships, you will feel free and independent from the hurts and regrets of yesterday.

Jill Weber– clinical psychologist, author of the book “Building Self-Esteem 5 Steps: How to Feel “Good Enough,” The Relationship Formula Workbook Series, 2016).

The 10 Worst Reasons to Stay Friends with Your Ex

Many couples try to remain friends after breaking up. Whether it is possible to maintain friendly relations largely depends on what motives we are guided by. Here are the reasons why this won't work.

21 days to change yourself

It is known that it takes 21 days for a person to form a new habit. This is due psychologically and physiologically. Ruslan Ivakhnenko, instructor at the Pro Trener personal training studio, tells how to accustom yourself to proper nutrition and regular exercise during this time.

Why does a guy talk to his ex-girlfriend?

In order to start a new relationship, you need to let go of the old one. But there are guys who don't want to let go of their old relationship. This is normal for them. But how can a girl understand this guy’s relationship and how to react? This is exactly what we will talk about.

If people communicate often, they develop affection for each other. What can we say about such feelings as love? After love, a guy and a girl develop a strong attachment.

When a relationship breaks down, it is the habit of a loved one that does not allow you to go through this stage painlessly. Such attachment depends on willpower and the seriousness of the former relationship. Some guys confidently and irrevocably overcome such difficulties, while others drag it out to the last and do not want to end the relationship.

If a guy started a new relationship, but did not let go of the old one, then this is a grave mistake. He is deceiving himself and you.

Let's look at the reasons for this guy's behavior:

1. Hope. The guy wants to get back to his ex-girlfriend, but doesn't know how to do it. That's why he keeps in touch with her. Well, your last girlfriend may like to ruin your relationship. That's why she talks to the guy.

2. Strong attachment. The guy doesn't like his ex-girlfriend, but he's very used to her. He is used to communicating with her and it is difficult for him to come to terms with the fact that he needs to put an end to the relationship. This behavior is developed in weak-willed guys.

3. Like it when people are jealous of him. Guys can manipulate too. But the question is: in whom does he want to develop feelings of jealousy? You or your ex-girlfriend? Maybe the guy started dating you just to make his last girlfriend jealous. This is of course vile, but possible. Or he likes to make you jealous.

4. For open relationships. He thinks it’s normal for his girlfriend to communicate with whomever she wants and, accordingly, he does too. Therefore, he simply may not understand your indignation. In that case, this is not your type of guy. Because you are unlikely to ever come to terms with it.

5. Naively believes in friendship. Perhaps when a guy and a girl broke up their relationship, they decided to remain friends. This happens often. Do you think it is possible to have friendship with the person you used to love? I think not.

Now let's talk about what you should do wisely in such a situation. First you need to calm down and hang everything down. Then, when talking with a guy, bring up this topic. And calmly explain your position to him. Tell him that you are categorically against such communication. And if he continues to behave this way, you will react accordingly. Yes, he is dear to you. But there is no need to lose your head in love. After all, why be deceived in the future or put up with such actions of his all his life. I think it’s better to talk and explain it clearly to him. Well, if you are dear to him, then I think he will refuse to communicate with his ex-girlfriend.

In fact, after a breakup, you need to draw conclusions. Then end the relationship. After all, when you start dating again, it’s not very nice for a new loved one to maintain an old relationship.

How to start communicating with your ex-girlfriend?

This is a very difficult question and very important if you want to get your girlfriend back. This, so to speak, is the beginning of your battle for her, and therefore you need to thoroughly prepare for the first step.

How to start communicating with your ex-girlfriend: continued.

Next should come the first call. By the way, there are also those who, after your actions without her, call themselves - no, not to make peace - but to ask whether everything is really so good with you. But we will start from the case when you call for the first time - after some time, when she has already managed to digest everything, but has not yet forgotten.

How to establish contact with a girl when you meet?

Since she has already transferred you to the category of friends, then communication should begin accordingly. Therefore, expensive gifts and even flowers will be perceived inadequately or simply will not give any effect. In addition, in no case should you let your hands go: hugging, kissing, taking hands - all this is prohibited on the first date. For more detailed instructions, you should check out the articles on my blog. The article “What to talk about with a girl” is a great place to start.

A little psychology when communicating with your ex

In general, feelings for an ex-girlfriend are a very dangerous and insidious thing. Remember how during your quarrels you yourself wanted to break up with her and find yourself a new girlfriend. But then she left, and everything turned upside down, you are ready to fight for her, stand on your knees and completely change your life. Maybe you should just forget her. My article “How to get over a breakup with a girl?” will help you with this.

the balance of significance is disrupted - you simply showed her your feelings more often and lost your original significance;
she lost interest in you because you changed a lot after your first meeting, you started working more and joking less and spending time with her, she just got bored with you;
you didn’t live up to her expectations - you didn’t offer to live together, get married or have children, or anything else. Or worse, he promised everything, but did not fulfill anything. She just stopped trusting you;

your partner's unmet needs. You think that you do everything for her - but no, you are completely wrong. In fact, you don’t know at all what a girl needs, sex is your first priority, and she thinks about communication, spending time together, wants to be taken care of, and so on and so forth. Moreover, almost always your needs - what you want from each other - do not coincide, but you can give it to each other. That is why people are together, and not because they want to be together.

The psychology of communicating with an ex-girlfriend is a very subtle thing. Therefore, you will have to dig deeper into yourself and your relationships, analyze what went wrong. After all, you can get your ex back by throwing dust in her eyes, but for how long?

How to communicate with your ex-girlfriend correctly - possible options

Nothing lasts forever and, alas, it happens that love leaves and the couple has to break up, after which in each specific case the ex can remain a friend, enemy or lover.

WAYS TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR EX

In reality, there is no friendship between a guy and a girl without a physical relationship, so at least one of the two will always have a desire for carnal pleasures. If this does not happen, then in any case, after a certain time, you will have another girl, and she will have another guy, as a result of which you will forget about each other.

At the same time, you can still contact, but you will no longer be friends. This happens because friends are valuable to each other to the extent that they are able to help each other, and if they are independent, the friendship simply fades away.

At some point, if you try to just remain friends, one of you will try to repair the relationship, this may lead to a resumption of the previous accusations and conflicts that led to the separation.

Therefore, friendship between exes is impossible; only neutral relationships are possible, or friendship as an attempt to restore relations. Therefore, if you do not know how to communicate with your ex-girlfriend, and at the same time you no longer want a relationship with her as a girlfriend, it is better for you not to remain friends with her, but to completely end all relations.

AS A BACKUP OPTION

In this case, after breaking up with the girl, you keep her as a backup option, allowing you to start over.

For example, you could have left your girlfriend and no longer want to date her, or you already have a new girlfriend, but you are not yet completely sure of her and continue some communication with your ex just so that if you don’t have a relationship with your new passion It turns out that you are back with your ex.

For this option, you will need to communicate with your ex in a style through which you can demonstrate to her your love and desire to be together, it’s just that the situation is now such that you seem to be at a crossroads, but you will soon return to her.

Sometimes you can communicate with your ex solely for the sake of sex. For example, you have absolutely incompatible characters, because life under the same roof is hell for both of you, regular scandals cause constant stress, but during sex you feel good with her to such an extent that you satisfy each other 100% or even more.

In this case, communication with your ex-girlfriend is possible solely for physical entertainment. Thus, after breaking up, the guy and the girl remain lovers, but this is quite rare.

This is the best way to communicate with your ex, which is to not communicate with her at all. After the breakup of your relationship, you become strangers to each other and a more interesting girl awaits you in the future, and it is better to forget the past.

You can part ways nobly, without conflicts, promising to remain friends, but not to be truly friends, but only to remain acquaintances who do not have any mutual claims.

You can also add that if you initiated the separation and do not have any desire to further communicate with your ex, it is better to leave on good terms, avoiding reproaches and stopping any communication with her.

If the girl initiated the breakup, and you would like to return her to be with her, there are 2 options. The first is to cause pain to yourself by continuing to communicate with her and trying to get her back, but constantly being denied this, and suffer.

The second option is to simply forget your ex-girlfriend and promise yourself not to communicate with her, because soon you will find a new chosen one who will be better than the previous one.

Why is the model dangerous?
Nothing. No wonder she is the most cunning.

What not to do
Try to do without goodbye sex. There is a high probability that he will be the beginning of the collapse of your plan, and the girl will decide what happens next between you.

Information on the topic

Are you in touch with your ex?

If yes, then for what purpose are you doing this? If you want to get him back, you need to be very careful in your interactions with him. Even if you don't want to date him again, communication skills with your ex will still be useful in order to simply avoid losing the friendship.

After a painful breakup, you don’t want to talk about anything else except why you broke up. However, this is not necessary! It is assumed that you have already had a conversation about this, so you should not start the same thing, just from a different angle. Even if there was no such conversation, most likely you both know why you broke up, so there is no need to remember the negative past.

Try to be simpler in communication

Talk, for example, about how things are going at work. As a last resort, talk about the weather if topics for communication really don’t come to mind. Talk about good times from the past that you have experienced together. Share your feelings about this, ask his opinion. Remember what made you choose this particular person, there must be some reason, remember those glorious times when you were happy. And perhaps this will help you revive your old relationship.

What is better not to talk about

There are some topics that you should not talk about with your ex-boyfriend:

Don't talk about why you broke up;
Don't remember past mistakes;
Don't apologize for your past mistakes.

Your active actions or impassioned speeches indicating that you desperately want him back may not bring you the desired result, especially if you did not agree to be just friends at first. Besides, you don't want to look completely desperate in his eyes, even if it costs you his love.

How to communicate with your ex on the phone

One of the best examples of how not to use the phone when communicating with an ex I saw was in a scene in the movie Swingers. In a desperate attempt to get her back, one of the main characters leaves him message after message. What starts out as a comedy quickly turns into a tragedy. Show your character and have some self-respect! Stop calling him constantly. Now I will describe the basic tips for using the phone when communicating with your ex-boyfriend:

Don't call him for no reason.
If you have a specific question, ask him and end the conversation.
There is no need to come up with a reason for calling, he will notice it.
There is no need to call him to congratulate him on something unimportant.

Talking on the phone

No matter how you look at it, sooner or later you will communicate with your ex on the phone at some point after the breakup. During the conversation, try to be on a positive note, do not show your worries, think of him as an interlocutor, not a guy.

Internet connections

Communication on social networks or email is similar to communication on the phone. Write to him first only if you have some significant issues that require your joint discussion. Also, don't send him another message until he responds to your first message. Give him the opportunity to pursue you again.

Personal communication with ex-boyfriend

Hopefully, phone calls and social media interactions will lead to face-to-face conversations. What will you do in this case? There is no need to consider this meeting as a first date. Dress well, be friendly and try to have a little fun. After all, if you don't enjoy being around him anymore, does it make sense to pursue him back?

Enjoy talking to him

When you have the opportunity to communicate with your ex, be charming and happy. Don't try to put pressure on him in an attempt to win back his love. If you decide to reminisce about the past, be sure to only discuss the good memories and not why you broke up or what he did wrong when you were together. Never allow yourself to resort to labeling, blaming, cursing or yelling. Always keep negative emotions under control. Treat him like a friend! That's when you'll have a better chance of getting him back.