Semyon Altov biography personal life. Semyon Altov: “my wife is a very beautiful woman

The popular satirist celebrated his 62nd birthday
You can talk to Semyon Altov endlessly. And not only because he has something to tell.

You can talk to Semyon Altov endlessly. And not only because he has something to tell. It’s just that Semyon Teodorovich talks about everything with such humor that any story in his presentation is like a full-fledged humorous story. Often with philosophical overtones.

"THE UTILITIES TURNED ME TO FACE BIG WOMEN"

- Semyon Teodorovich, at what age do you remember yourself?

Since about four years old, probably. My mother was an architect, but after the birth of her children she did not work, she only took care of us. My father taught electrical engineering at the Leningrad Shipbuilding Institute. I was born in evacuation, in Sverdlovsk. When our parents returned home, our apartment no longer existed in nature. After the war, it was generally difficult to find housing in Leningrad; people moved in everywhere. 29 people lived in our communal apartment. I remember when the first KVN TV appeared: a tiny screen, in front of which they placed a lens with water. We, little ones, were always looking for fish there, thinking it was an aquarium.

In our apartment, only Uncle Kolya, the big boss and director of the vegetable store, had a TV. The broadcast then began at six in the evening and ended at 10. And at exactly six o’clock all 29 people, children and adults, took chairs, entered Uncle Kolya’s room without knocking and sat down to watch TV. And at 10 they left just as silently. For some reason, one program was especially memorable - figure skating. Back then, even very decrepit grandmothers knew what a todes and a triple sheepskin coat were.

- 29 people in one apartment - it’s hard to imagine this today!

Then it was difficult to imagine that it could be otherwise. I remember a boy from class invited me to his birthday party. We played a little in his room and went out into the corridor, where there were two more doors. I ask: “Who lives there?” He says: "We." “But we just left your room,” I was surprised, “and whose is that room?” - “Ours!” - “And the third?” - “Ours too!” I came home and said: “Mom, there is an abnormal boy in our class. There are three doors in the apartment, and he says that they live everywhere!” I was really horrified; for us it was more common: the door is the family, the door is the family.

We didn't know that all over the world people live in separate apartments. Was it tragic? No. Now my wife and I live only together, and sometimes I bother her, and she bothers me. Of course, there were scandals in communal apartments, but not so often. In the kitchen, for example, each family had its own table. And near the legs they drew crosses in ink. God forbid if someone moved the table at least four millimeters during the night. The Battle of the Ice could easily begin here! They remembered all the past grievances and went wall to wall.

Conflict situations also arose near the toilet if someone locked himself in there for a long time. Not out of spite, you never know. And 10 people, shifting from foot to foot, waited on this side of the door. He, naturally, heard everything, could not concentrate and therefore sat even longer. But in fairness, it must be said that this rarely happened.

- Of course, the St. Petersburg communal apartment cannot be compared with the Odessa one. But you probably had colorful personalities?

Today, thanks to Fellini’s Amarcord, I understand that it was there that my idea of a woman took shape. We had neighbors, two Aunt Shura, very large women. And this, of course, excited me. I don’t know whether it was intentional or not, but sometimes the hem of their robe fell open. Or there would be a small hole somewhere on the chest. How much does a boy need during puberty? What I saw kept me awake! And if I did fall asleep, I dreamed all night long. By the way, it was the communal apartment that turned me towards big women.

There is a terrible story connected with that apartment. The picture of how it all happened is still before my eyes. My parents went somewhere and left me with Uncle Kostya and Aunt Zina, in a room two by six meters - in fact, it was a piece of a corridor. I sat on the sofa and read the Primer. Uncle Kostya brought a kettle from the kitchen and put it on a stool, on a stand. At this time, I put down the Primer and reached for the doll. He touched the kettle and boiling water poured out of it. If I poured all five liters onto my six-year-old body, I would have enough. But fate obviously took pity. I screamed, Uncle Kostya came running, tore off my clothes and smeared butter on my side.

This picture is replaced by the following: I’m lying on the sofa, and the whole apartment is 29 people! - standing in the doorway, I even now remember where whose head is. And right before my eyes, the skin on my side and arm begins to inflate like balloons. In order to cut them, I was given the first anesthesia, after which I asked: “Am I drunk?” It was very painful, which is probably why all this is etched in my memory.

"I EARNED A WHOLE THREE RUBLES WITH MY PANTS DOWN"

- How did you first appear on stage?

The artists were already slowly reading something of mine, when suddenly it turned out that there is a special category of author-performers: you stand on stage, read, and they also pay you money for it. We rushed to the Variety Theater and signed up in line. And then we went into the hall - there was a concert going on - to see how others were doing it. While we were standing backstage, it turned out that someone didn’t show up. They told us: “Go on stage, show yourself!”

I was wearing jeans; you can’t go on stage like that. And someone lent me a suit that was... two sizes too big for me. Therefore, while standing on stage, I kept holding my falling trousers with my elbow. And the commission that was supposed to receive us decided that this was some kind of acting move: look, the guy is on stage for the first time, and he’s already catching his pants, what a find! Not only was I accepted, but the rate for skill was immediately increased - not 6.50, like everyone else, but 9.50! So I earned three whole rubles from dropping my pants.

I started performing, but my program was only for one department. The second featured Sasha Rosenbaum. Thanks to tape recordings, he was much more famous then, and I showed myself to people against his background. I always worked in the first department, he in the second. But somehow he still needed to get somewhere, and he asked me to change. And our permanent presenter was a little tipsy. Seeing Sasha leaving, she said: “Goodbye, the concert is over!” And the people went into the foyer. When she realized what she had done, she instantly sobered up. And then she ran around the foyer, calling everyone back.

- You once said in an interview: “All the great pop actors passed through me!” Can you be more specific?

We should probably start with Yan Arlazorov, with whom we had a very beautiful romance. I remember we were sitting at home; at that time we still had a one-room apartment. Call. A man unknown to me in a beautiful velvety voice says that he is Arlazorov. He heard and read something of mine, so he would really like to work with me. I say: “Here is my address, if you are in St. Petersburg, come in!” Four hours later the man was already entering the apartment. It turns out that he immediately took a taxi, rushed to the airport, bought a ticket and arrived.

He charmed my whole family. I painted fabulous pictures of what would happen with our cooperation in two or three years: there was a cavalcade of Mercedes, mountains of flowers, money, jewelry and apartments. And we started working. Before this, Ian had only one act - “Stuntmen”. I began to often come to Moscow, to his then also one-room apartment, located somewhere behind the Prague cinema. There was only one, albeit very large, sofa, on which we often spent the night together. I once said this phrase in an interview, which was later published under the title: “Altov and Arlazorov in the same bed.”

- They say that Yan Mayorovich has a difficult character. How was it working with him?

I can't say that everything was simple. I am an easy-going and rather carefree person, and Ian is punctual and meticulous. I always wanted to move on, to do something new, and he meticulously brought every number to perfection. But we still did a lot. You know and remember many things, for example, the famous “Cashier” with the word stuck in your memory: “God!” By the way, it was Ian who broke the notorious “fourth wall” on our stage; he was the first to not only address the audience, but also introduce them into his act. Then we separated a little. But Ian is a monogamist and, in my opinion, he is still jealous of me.

- To whom?

And to everyone! To my wife, to my son, to other artists. His character is unique: if he is loyal, then to the end. Whether you like it or not! I'm ready to give an arm or a leg for you. And it doesn’t bother him that you already have two hands; he still offers you a third one - a spare tire. And from the bottom of my heart. Now he’s tempting me again: “Let’s do something!” Last summer in Jurmala I had a very successful reading of my short parables - unexpectedly emotional. Well, that’s what I would do! No, he is always waiting for me to return to his house. He thinks that I went out for a while and should come back.

- Do you have an equally touching relationship with Shifrin?

Fima is a very convenient person. He is intelligent and unobtrusive. Now he, perhaps, performs me the most and does it very well. But Fima is very closed, you can’t get him inside. No need! I also don’t like it when they try to get deep into my soul.

With whom I really have a very touching relationship is Volodya Vinokur. I don’t know a person more comfortable in communication. He should be paid money just for sitting at your table. He has a brilliant sense of company, from major military leaders to mechanics, and immediately takes the party into his own hands. And although he often speaks obscenities, he does it so naturally and organically that even Queen Elizabeth would be fascinated by him.

You know, another person says a swear word incompletely, but a feeling of awkwardness arises. The other one doesn’t miss a single letter, but he does everything gracefully. This is about Volodya. A very sunny person who you can always rely on. By the way, I can say the same about Yakubovich.

"IF IT NOT FOR YAKUBOVICH, MY FAMILY WOULD HAVE SEPARATED"

-You’ve known him for a long time, haven’t you?

Ever since the very popular program “Show 01” in the 70s. Alas, not a single recording remains - it was not filmed for television. I left it three years later, but the program traveled around Russia for another 10 years and, without a single “monkey” (as they call an actor with a famous surname), attracted stadiums of five to seven thousand people. At “Show 01,” Yakubovich at first simply brought a chair onto the stage and, in my opinion, was very pleased with it. Then he started doing a small variety act - burime, and you see how it took off.

I have a wonderful story connected with Lenya and “Show 01”! We were once on tour in Sochi. On August 30, I had to fly from there to St. Petersburg: my wife and son were returning home from Belarus, from relatives, and only I had the keys to the apartment. People of the older generation remember what it meant at that time to fly somewhere from Sochi on August 30th. But our administrator promised me: “Everything is agreed, you will fly away!” The day before we said goodbye on the beach... I returned to my hotel room at half past five in the morning, and at half past six I already had to leave. It was possible not to go to bed, but I still went to bed, saying to myself: “Senechka, we’ll sleep for half an hour and get up!”

- Did you oversleep?

I woke up 40 minutes before departure. Since then, I know a way to quickly recover after a stormy night: you need to wake up in a foreign city 40 minutes before your plane takes off. On autopilot, he threw something into his bag. I don’t remember what I came out wearing. There was only one taxi standing on the street, and he ran up: “Adler!” The driver asked: “How much?” “If we get there,” I said, “that’s it!” We got there in 20 minutes. I found Ivan Ivanovich and said that I was from Ivan Petrovich. He says: “Yes, they called me, but the plane is packed, I can’t take you. Go (names some village near Adler), find Anna Stepanovna, she will put you on board!” I already understood that something was wrong, but I went anyway. I spent a long time waking up some woman who couldn’t understand what I wanted from her. Then she said: “Go to the airport. I’ll come at two o’clock and you’ll fly away.”

Two hours - no one, three - no one. It started to rain. And suddenly a strange feeling came over me...

- You realized that you will never fly away from there!

Yes. Imagination painted a terrible picture: a wife and son sitting on the stairs near a locked door. Because of me! Then I gathered up the remnants of someone else’s arrogance (I never had my own!) and decided to go to the head of the airport. His door was literally surrounded by people, but I still squeezed in. I will never forget what I saw there.

A man with some kind of upside-down eyes was sitting at the table, and on the table in front of him were documents, crutches, artificial female breasts and crying babies. There was swearing, tears and sweat in the air. I tried to catch his gaze, for which purpose I squatted and then stood up. At that time I already had a Raikin Theater ID. And I, like a spinner, began to move it in front of the boss’s nose. At some point he came across it and read what was written there. As I realized later, this was the last straw that broke his patience. He stood up slightly and shouted: “Fuck you!”

- And you?

Let's go. I drank another glass of beer, after which I took a taxi and returned to Sochi to my friends. “That’s it,” he said, “guys, it’s over!” And then Lenya Yakubovich came up: “Here’s a glass of vodka and a chicken leg for you. Lie down and get some sleep. Today you’ll fly away!” When a person really wants to believe in something, he believes. Lenya woke me up at seven in the evening: “Go to the sports camp near the airport, you will find a man there (says an oriental name and patronymic), you will say that he is from me. I arrived, found this man, I say: “I am from Lenya!” They sat me down at the table, started giving me food and water: “Oh, we have such a guest!” Naturally, I twitched, trying to explain that I needed to fly away, but the only answer I heard was: “Eat, dear, eat!”

Exactly at nine in the evening I was pulled out from the table, and we went to the airport, where the swarm of bees was still buzzing. My companion called two policemen, we lined up like a pig and literally cut through the crowd. He calmly entered the ticket office from the service entrance, kissed the cashier on the neck and said: “Svetonka, this is my friend, he needs to fly to Leningrad.” She smiled: “Please!” And I flew away! This is Lenya, who always had close people who were ready to do everything or almost everything for him. Apparently he did the same for them. So, if it weren’t for Yakubovich, my family would have fallen apart. And this is how we still live.

- They say you were romantically courting your future wife...

I met Larisa three times.

The first time was at the Lensovet Palace of Culture. A girl with a face of amazing beauty was sitting in the foyer. I had a ticket to the “Oral Journal”, which I kept. He asked: “Would you like to go?” She left, but I never saw her again. Exactly a year later I went to Tekhnolozhka (Lensovet Technological Institute. - Auto.), to the Komsomol committee. A girl with a face of amazing beauty sat at the piano and played Grieg. He asked: “Would you like to go to a piano concert?” She wanted to, but needless to say, I never saw her again.

Another year has passed. In an unfamiliar company, a girl with a face of amazing beauty sang with a guitar in an exciting chest voice. I wondered where to invite her. And then Larisa said: “Don’t you remember: we’re meeting for the third time!” They didn’t wait for a fourth and soon got married.

- It turns out it’s fate!

Do you know when I realized this? When I first came to visit her. At that time there was a terrible book shortage. From Bunin’s five-volume book, so bluish-green, I managed to get the first four volumes. And so, when I came to Larisa, I saw the lonely fifth volume on the shelf. “And I have the first four,” I said. “And I have a fifth,” she answered. In fact, this was our first declaration of love. And the collected works were finally complete.

- Was the wedding noisy?

Of course, not the same as they are now celebrated in Tsarskoye Selo and Petrodvorets, much more modest. In some canteen on Petrogradskaya. Larisa’s parents and my father were still alive. Her mother brought from Belarus, where they lived, two or three boxes of Belovezhskaya - a wonderful brown vodka infused with pine nuts. Someone said a very beautiful oriental toast about how good it was that the beauty of Larisa and the beauty of my mind came together. My wife is truly a very beautiful woman. Sometimes, looking at our wedding photo, I ask her: “Lara, tell me honestly, what do you see in me?”

- And she?

Silent. Pretends not to hear.

- How do you explain this fact?

I think there was a long-range aim. I was still nothing, an engineer with a salary of 110 rubles, but she, apparently, noticed something in me and calculated everything correctly. Now it has... 120.

"IF IT IS WOOL, IT MEANS A DOG, IF IT IS SMOOTH, IT MEANS A WIFE"

- Do you often quarrel?

Happens. Firstly, we are completely different both externally and internally. I am a phlegmatic person, Larisa is rather a choleric person, she is very hot-tempered and easily excited. Secondly, any topic is suitable for a quarrel. Because of the question: “Why did you wear this shirt with this jacket?” - a civil war may well begin! But nothing, in my opinion, it even refreshes our relationship. Besides, it’s impossible to argue with me for a long time. In the midst of such a theatrical scene, I suddenly say something and she starts laughing. As a partner in the tragedy genre, I am bad: I transform everything into comedy, and the performance collapses.

- Are there any jokes that your wife doesn’t like?

One, in my opinion, very successful phrase makes her terribly angry. It sounds like this: “I want simple human affection, and have a wife at home.” And her favorite phrase is: “You feed you, feed you, and you keep eating and eating!”

But seriously, we have been together for more than 30 years, and this is a significant amount of experience (we will not use the word “term”). We went through different periods. Larisa often recalls how we went on our honeymoon to Tallinn, which was very cool at that time. I remember that trip too, but in a different way. One night I lay and looked at the stars in the window. And suddenly I, accustomed to loneliness as a comfort, realized that this woman would now always lie next to me! And shuddered! And then I got used to it. Now I get upset if I don’t find her nearby.

- And how often does this happen?

Yes, almost every evening! The fact is that I am a morning person, and she is a night owl. At the time when I see the third dream, a thirst for activity awakens in her: she goes to the kitchen and begins to rattle pots. And this is where I start to swear. I appear in the kitchen naked at half past two in the morning and ask: “When will this end?!” You see, I’m used to stretching out my hand to the next half of the bed, and there, as a rule, is a dog. And do you know how I determine it? If it is wool, it means a dog, if it is smooth, it means a wife. If there is nothing at all, then I fumble for a long time. And only when I find something can I continue to sleep peacefully.

- How are your household responsibilities distributed?

It's hard to say. The son, for example, as a more realistic and practical person, always advocates initially establishing clear relationships in the family: who is who and who does what. He is probably right, because due to the incomprehensibility of such things, quarrels and even tragedies most often occur. Who is the boss in the family? Who makes the decisions? Who should wash the dishes? Who does the repairs and buys curtains? When everything is defined, life is easier. We are a mess in this regard! Of course, I can hit the table with my fist and it will be my way. But I do this very rarely. Most often I remind you of the hero of my story about a sweater. "Take?". - “Take it!” - “Maybe I shouldn’t take it?” - “Don’t take it!” I'm happy with everything.

- Who is in charge at your dacha?

Wife, of course! She has the right attitude towards the earth: if something has sprouted, it must grow! When we first bought the dacha, there were many greenhouses on it. But gradually we took them down, and only flowers remained. While in Holland, which is known to be the country of tulips, we bought luxurious bulbs. The customs officers in Pulkovo recognized me and casually nodded at the package: “What do you have there?” - "Tulip bulbs." Their faces turned into onions: “You’re crazy!” It turns out that this is smuggling, the only thing worse than drugs.

Obviously, taking pity on us, they said: “We will pretend that we didn’t notice anything, but know: for this we are supposed to get about five to six years, and... for each onion.” They also advised to immediately douse the bulbs with potassium permanganate at home, so as not to introduce an infection that does not yet exist in Russia. Now I know: at the border they strictly monitor that the amount of infection in our country does not exceed the optimal permissible norm. And my wife’s flowers grow wonderfully; as people say, she has a light hand. The neighbors are squirming - and nothing! And she walked by, stuck something in, watered it - it grew!

-Who was involved in raising my son?

Yes, somehow it’s a little bit of everything. I tried to teach him to write, every day I literally forced him to sit at the typewriter with the condition: to write at least half a page. He did amazing things. Do you know, for example, how to make four mistakes in the word “all”? Write "fsyo". In general, my son did not turn out to be a writer.

- Do you raise your granddaughters the same way?

Now they are at that wonderful age when you talk to them like adults, but you understand that they are much smarter than you! And what freshness of perception, what naive faith! This summer they lived for a long time at our dacha, and there was an agreement that every evening I would tell them some stories. When two pairs of trusting eyes looked at me, I even got lost. I was also surprised to discover that they remember everything and in the morning they retell my own fairy tales to me.

A couple of times I was horrified by what I heard and realized that I had to watch what I said. Lara advised: “Since they listen to you like that, insert some kind of morality there.” Since then, many little animals have appeared in my stories that behave very aristocratically: they do not throw things and toys around, they wash their paws before eating. Little kids, with their childish minds, don’t understand why people laugh at my stories. Varya comes up to me and says: “Grandfather, look: I got up this morning and wanted to pee, but there was no potty. Write some funny story about it!” She believes that she gave me a plot, and then I just need to formulate the words correctly, and I will be a wild success.

And when we first took them by car to Estonia, Larisa said to the youngest: “Varenka, in this country they speak Estonian. Do you know it?” “No,” the little girl answers. “What are you going to do?” - asks the wife. "Like what? Keep quiet!"

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Childhood of Semyon Altov

Semyon Altov was born in Sverdlovsk. It was to this city in the Urals that his parents were evacuated during the Great Patriotic War. It was there that Semyon, whose real name was Altshuler, spent the first six months of his life until the end of the war.

After the end of the war, the parents, Lyubov Naumovna and Theodor Semenovich, returned to Leningrad with little Semyon. In post-war Leningrad, the father of the future satirical writer taught a course in electrical engineering at the shipbuilding institute, and his mother worked in the field of architecture.

Chemistry

On his eighth birthday, Semyon received a “Young Chemist” set as a gift. According to the satirist, this gift turned out to be “fatal” and significantly influenced the choice of profession.

Semyon Altov graduated from the Chemical College, and in 1968 from the Leningrad Technological Institute. Lensovet, specialty: paint and varnish chemist. After graduating from the institute, Semyon Teodorovich worked in his specialty at the State Institute of Mineral Pigments and at the plant named after. Shaumyan.

Writing activity of Semyon Altov

The author began to make his attempts at writing at a fairly mature age - 25-26 years old. Although in several interviews Semyon Teodorovich mentions that before he began writing satirical and humorous works, he composed poetry.

Altov began appearing in print in 1971, in the small genre of “phrases”. The first publication took place in the Literaturnaya Gazeta, in the “12 Chairs Club” section, which included the “Phrases” section. For writing aphorisms, the satirist received his first fee - “38 rubles 00 kopecks.”

Now Semyon Altov is the author of 4 books: “Chance”, “Dog’s Joys”, “Gain Height”, “224 Selected Pages”. The satirist penned many monologues that were and are performed on stage by such famous artists as Efim Shifrin, Klara Novikova, Gennady Khazanov and others.

S.Altov - Road accident

In addition, Altov became a screenwriter for many television and pop comedy programs, performances, and films. In 1987, on the stage of the Moscow Variety Theater on Bersenevskaya Embankment, the premiere of Arkady Raikin’s last stage work took place - the play “Peace to Thy Home,” in which Semyon Altov was the author of interludes.

Stage

Two years after the first publication, in 1973, Altov received a position at the Lenconcert. In the words of Semyon Teodorovich himself, “I climbed onto the stage, where I’ve been hanging out” ever since.

Semyon Altov's distinctive performing style on the stage is the monotonous reading of monologues from a sheet of paper in a low, slightly nasal and nasally voice. This characteristic became so recognizable that Altov more than once became the hero of parodies. The author himself speaks about this manner of his, of course, with humor: “my voice calms men and excites women. It’s good that it’s not the other way around.” Viewers claim that this style reminds them of the way crime chronicles are read.

SHOW-01

In the eighties, Semyon Altov became one of the creators, authors and performers of the variety comedy program “SHOW-01”, which actively performed throughout the Soviet Union and became the starting point of popularity for many artists of the original genre. Co-authors and performers in “SHOW-01”, together with Semyon Altov, were such famous people as Viktor Billevich, Yan Arlazorov, Valery Nikolenko, Mikhail Gorodinsky, Vyacheslav Polunin, Leonid Yakubovich, and the Litsedei Theater. The program included a huge number of practical jokes, attracting spectators to participate in the performance, many hints and subtexts about the Soviet regime, the mistakes of which, boldly enough, were paid attention to by the satirists in their show.

Semyon Altov - Bribe

"Klutzes"

Semyon Altov initiated the creation and became the author of the humorous television series “Klutzes,” which was released on the NTV channel in 1997. Interestingly, the humorist’s son, Pavel Semenovich, also worked on the creation of the series as a director. “Klutzes” are small sitcoms performed in a theatrical manner, with almost no words. In total, 24 issues of the series were released.

Personal life of Semyon Altov

Altov, jokingly, citing a bad memory, reports that he met his wife Larisa Vasilievna three times. After their third meeting, they decided to get married and have been married for more than three decades. There is a son, Pavel, director, businessman and producer of his father. Semyon Altov already has three grandchildren: Katya, Varya and Vasya. Semyon Altov's career in film and television

Altov has repeatedly taken part in the filming of television programs, shows and films as a screenwriter, artist and guest.

In 1984, Semyon Altov wrote dialogues for a musical film based on Jacques Offenbach's opera buffe, Pericola.

In 1997, he starred in the comedy “Don’t Play the Fool” (directed by Valery Chikov). Altov played the role of a member of the expedition. In addition, the artist participated in such television programs as: “Corrupt Mirror”, “Gentleman Show”, “Evening Quarter”, “Room of Laughter”, “Jurmala”, and many others.

Awards, titles of Semyon Altov

At the international festival of humor and satire “Golden Ostap” in 1994, Semyon Altov became a laureate. He was awarded a gilded statuette of the festival, following Sergei Dovlatov and Mikhail Zhvanetsky. In 2005, the writer was awarded the title of Honored Artist of the Russian Federation. In addition, Altov is an honorary professor at the St. Petersburg Institute of Technology and an honorary chemist. Semyon Altov was born in Sverdlovsk. It was to this city in the Urals that his parents were evacuated during the Great Patriotic War. Semyon, whose real name was Altshuler, spent the first six months of his life there until the end of the war.

Chemistry

On his eighth birthday, Semyon received a “Young Chemist” set as a gift. According to the satirist, this gift turned out to be “fatal” and significantly influenced the choice of profession.

Writing activity of Semyon Altov

S.Altov-Tramway

Stage

SHOW-01

Semyon Altov - Bribe

"Klutzes"

Personal life of Semyon Altov

Altov has repeatedly taken part in the filming of television programs, shows and films as a screenwriter, artist and guest.

In 1984, Semyon Altov wrote dialogues for a musical film based on Jacques Offenbach's opera buffe, Pericola.

Awards, titles of Semyon Altov

His smart humor appeals to many, and the unique timbre of his voice captivates from the very first words spoken. He has been happily married for more than 40 years and, embarrassed, admits that the key to his family happiness was his bad memory. He can be surprised every day by how beautiful the woman is next to him, and admits that he met his own wife three times.

Triple dating

Semyon Altov. / Photo: www.olga-luna.com

Semyon Altov is not ashamed of the fact that he has a bad memory. Even at concerts, he sometimes reads his own works and finds it funny because he may not remember his jokes.

He met a girl named Larisa three times. The first time he came to the cultural center, where he taught the “Oral Journal” after the institute, and saw a very pretty girl in the foyer reading a book. I decided to meet him and invited him on a date to his “Oral Journal.” Larisa came on a date, but he didn’t find her. However, that day she herself did not plan to continue their acquaintance, because Semyon did not make much of an impression on her that day.

Larisa Altova. / Photo: www.bulvar.com.ua

They met for the second time about a year later, in some common company. The girl played the guitar amazingly, and she was very beautiful in appearance. And he met her again.
When, after some time, he saw in the trade union committee of his own technological institute an amazingly beautiful girl sitting at the piano and inspiredly playing Grieg. When Semyon came up to meet her, she was simply indignant: how much is possible? But I still went on a date with him. At the same time, her boyfriend, in order not to forget about the date, marked the days of meetings with a cross in a special calendar, which the couple still keeps.

And Semyon Altov made the fateful decision to get married after visiting Larisa’s house for the first time. He saw a lonely volume of Bunin on her bookshelf. This was the fifth volume of a five-volume series. The future satirist had the first four, but he never managed to get the fifth at that time. It seemed to both of them that this sign and property should be reunited. In fact, this was their first confession of feelings to each other.

The beginning of a long journey

Semyon and Larisa Altov. / Photo: www.kpcdn.net

The wedding was celebrated noisily and cheerfully. Most of all, Semyon Altov liked the toast that in this married couple the beauty of the groom’s mind and the amazing beauty of the bride were reunited.
Semyon Teodorovich still never ceases to admire the beauty of his wife. And she doesn’t understand what she could find in him, an ordinary engineer at that time with a small salary. Larisa Vasilievna refuses to answer this question.

The satirist himself believes that without love they could not have lived together for so long. And at the same time, he does not forget to joke about his poor memory, even in such a serious issue as family relationships. He says that every morning he looks in surprise at the beautiful woman next to him and only then remembers that this is his wife.

A home where everyone is warm and comfortable

Semyon and Larisa Altov. / Photo: www.sobaka.ru

When a son appeared in the family, the couple were very unanimous in the fact that a little person is already a person. Therefore, they raised him with great respect, trying not to break or mold him at their own discretion, but simply supporting the child’s desire for what he liked.

Semyon Altov with his son. / Photo: www.liveinternet.ru

When Semyon Teodorovich decided to develop his son’s writing talent, he suggested writing only half a printed page a day on their typewriter. As a result, the boy brought his father a text that looked more like an accounting report. Pavel never became a writer, but at one time he was his father’s producer, tried his hand at directing, and then successfully became involved in business.

Semyon Altov with his wife, son, daughter-in-law and grandchildren. / Photo: www.documental.su

Semyon Teodorovich and Larisa Vasilievna are very different people both in character and temperament. But they live together easily and joyfully, for 40 years without having time to get bored of each other. They both can’t imagine how they can go on vacation separately if they have the opportunity to spend time together. They invariably try to celebrate New Year and other family holidays at home, gathering the people closest and dearest to their hearts under one roof.

Semyon Altov with his wife and son. / Photo: www.liveinternet.ru

They rarely manage to quarrel seriously. Even when the hot and quick-tempered Larisa Vasilievna makes a scene because of a shirt of the wrong color that her husband is wearing, Semyon Teodorovich believes that she must first be allowed to calm down. But sometimes he cannot stand the intensity of the quarrel and calmly says something, because of which the flaring scandal immediately turns into a comedy performance.

Semyon Altov collects signs from hotels. / Photo: www.ml-dom.ru

Even the satirist’s hobby is very unusual: he collects signs from hotels with inscriptions that are usually hung on room doors asking “Do not disturb!” He naturally stole his first copy from a hotel in Turkey, and then friends and acquaintances began to bring them to him from all over the world.

Semyon Altov believes that not much is needed to be happy: “Rejoice at what you have, and not suffer over what you don’t have.”

He speaks about his fame with humor: “The pinnacle of my popularity was when I saw myself in the newspaper next to Sophia Loren. These were small portraits without signatures - in the scanword. The compilers were sure that they would recognize her and me anyway!”

"Fatal Gift"

The future comedian was born on January 17, 1945, five months before the surrender of Nazi Germany. Semyon Altov was born in Sverdlovsk, where at that time his parents Lyubov Naumovna and Theodor Semenovich lived in evacuation. And then the young parents and their son returned to Leningrad, where Altov experienced all the delights of life in a communal apartment: “I remember my neighbors very well, although many are no longer alive. Next to us lived two Aunt Shura - absolutely Fellinian forms. Thanks to these forms, I developed my own type of woman in my head. I remember how in the communal kitchen on holidays they baked a cake with the terrible name “Drowned Man”, all blue with poppy seeds. I will never forget how the husband of one of Shur’s aunts, Uncle Kolya, bought himself a TV with a large lens. There was only one program on television then – from six to nine in the evening. And as soon as Uncle Kolya, an avid coffee shop operator, sat down in front of the lens, the remaining 29 residents immediately came in silently, without asking his permission, with their chairs. We were seated. And after 21.00 they dispersed just as silently. And Uncle Kolya and Aunt Shura, sighing with relief, could begin their family life.”

Semyon's father taught electrical engineering at the Shipbuilding Institute, and his mother worked as an architect. And Altov himself did not even think of being a writer as a child - he dreamed of becoming a chemist! “In those distant times, there was no such selection of toys as there is today,” recalls Semyon Teodorovich. “The girls somehow managed without Barbies—they made the dolls themselves, which is why they were closer to them. And when I was eight years old, I was given the “Young Chemist” set. It was a fateful gift that changed my life.”

The parents themselves were horrified when they saw that their son was constantly fiddling with reagents. At first they were afraid that all these experiments would end tragically. Then, when they learned that Semyon was going to enter the Leningrad Technological Institute after school, they were also not delighted. “Now I don’t remember what my parents thought about my future profession, but they certainly didn’t dream of me becoming a chemist. But I still insisted on my opinion,” says Altov. – By the way, this was almost the only time in my life when I didn’t listen to mom and dad. Probably in vain."

“I wasn’t an aggressive bouncer.”

The future writer graduated from the institute and even worked for three years in his specialty. He does not consider that time to be thrown out of life at all: “I remember once the institute was undergoing renovations, and on the board there was a schedule of who was studying where. We made some changes there, bringing together several streams in one classroom at once, and thereby disrupted classes. The delight was crazy!”

After leaving chemistry, Altov managed to work as the head of the creative department, a night watchman and a bouncer: “This was the pinnacle of my career in law enforcement agencies,” smiles Semyon Teodorovich. – By the way, I was not an aggressive bouncer, but I always got results. My duties were to clear the restaurant of customers by midnight. When the deadline was approaching, I approached the table and said: “Comrades, we should wrap up, the restaurant is closing soon!” They answered me: “Sit down!” We drank, and at 12 we all went out into the street together, holding hands, singing. True, several times I still had to engage in single combat. Because of Mikhail Boyarsky. He was not yet a star then, but he was unusually good. So I separated the girls who were fighting over him.”

But Altov realized himself as a writer when he received his first translation from Literaturnaya Gazeta. There was a section “Aphorisms”, where nine phrases invented by Semyon were published at once. Soon he received a transfer for 36 rubles - one phrase cost 4 rubles: “My wife and I immediately figured out how many phrases I should write per month to make ends meet,” says Altov. - Since then, we opened “Literature” for some time, like a lottery table. We looked to see if my last name was there and how many phrases there were. Alas, winnings were infrequent; they published me extremely irregularly at that time.”

But this did not bother Altov, he continued to work, and a couple of years later he began performing in front of audiences with concerts: “We came to the Leningrad Variety Theater to see how the artists perform in order to get a bid at Lenconcert,” says Semyon Teodorovich. - And suddenly they shout to me: “Quickly on stage!” And before the commission, I was embarrassed to go on stage in jeans. And he asked someone backstage for a suit. The pants were two sizes too big for me. During the performance, I was only thinking about how my pants wouldn’t fall off – I held them with my elbow, which made my whole body askew. As a result, they gave me a bet of nine fifty - instead of six rubles. “For acting!” - they said.”

Altov did not dream of fame as a writer - he simply did what he does best: “Ambition is a kick into the future. Of course, they charge like doping. But I am an exception. I never strived for anything and did nothing for it. My life passed under the road sign “30 degree slope” - only not down, but up. I've never woken up in the morning and become a star overnight. But I always slept peacefully.”

Nevertheless, Altov’s works were performed by such famous pop artists as Gennady Khazanov, Efim Shifrin, Klara Novikova and others. Semyon Teodorovich never came up with anything to order. An exception was the case when the king of satire Arkady Raikin asked Altov to write a play for him. “I worked in the Leningrad House of Actors,” recalls Semyon Teodorovich. – Arkady Raikin’s anniversary was celebrated there. The director asked me to write a congratulation. I read it in the presence of the Leningrad theater elite. Everyone laughed and applauded. After which Arkady Isaakovich asked to come to his house. Thus began work on the play “Peace to Thy Home.”

However, Altov remembers very little about those times and the outstanding people he met: “Since childhood, I have had a complete lack of memory, which is why I am not afraid of age-related sclerosis - I was born with it. Monstrous! It so happened that when I worked with Arkady Raikin, at the request of the doctors, we walked a lot - we walked in circles in the area of Tverskaya Street. I walked alongside, supporting Arkady Isaakovich, and he kept telling me something. Raikin was a wonderful storyteller! But I don't remember anything! Therefore, it will not come to memoirs. This is where I played the fool. Everything that Raikin managed to tell me went nowhere.”

“This has nothing to do with my wife!”

Due to poor memory, Altov managed to meet his future wife several times. The first time, he invited her to some concert, a year later he repeated the attempt to meet her, and when he was about to go for the third visit, he heard: “Maybe it’s enough to get acquainted already?” There was no need for a fourth. They started dating, and then it turned out that Semyon had the first four volumes of Bunin’s collected works at home, and his beloved girlfriend Larisa had the fifth. So they realized that this was fate - and got married.

“In her youth, my wife was considered one of the first beauties of Leningrad,” says Altov. “And I didn’t shine with beauty even then.” Now I’m at least a more or less famous person, but then – who knew me! When Larisa’s parents first saw me next to their beautiful daughter, they staggered and were speechless for a while. But then, when the years passed, they treated me with great warmth - they said to Larisa with her difficult character: “How lucky you and Senya are!” Every time I woke up in the morning and saw a beautiful woman next to me, and then it turned out that she was my wife, and I was pleased every time. We’ve been living since then, everything has happened, but we never intended to get a divorce. This is a life sentence."

It so happened that just after the wedding Altov began writing humorous things: “Such a strange relationship that still won’t end. And before I met my wife, I wrote absolutely monstrous poems, which I later burned. Then, in order to remain anonymous in case of failure, I printed my quatrain on one sheet of paper, then Bryusov’s quatrain and Blok’s quatrain - all without identifying the authors - and at lectures I let the girls read and choose which one they liked best, and almost always they said that it was mine . I didn’t go home, but flew on wings. Well, can you imagine: Blok is behind, Bryusov is behind, and I’m in front - this is happiness.”

There was a period when Larisa asked her husband, before reading about women from the stage, to make a remark: “This has nothing to do with my wife!” Now she doesn’t talk about it anymore, but she tries to help him in his work, gives him all kinds of pens and notebooks, buys costumes for performances - Altov is one of those who will never allow himself to appear in front of the audience in a sweater or jeans. As for gastronomic tastes, the writer, unlike many men, is not picky. “If we have a free evening, we usually go to a Japanese restaurant,” says Larisa. – And my husband likes everything I cook, especially soups and salads. Semyon often helps me in the kitchen: washing dishes, peeling potatoes. True, he has no culinary talents. The pinnacle of skill is scrambled eggs. But it's not that bad."

After a delicious lunch, it’s work time for Altov, and he traditionally goes to his office. “When my husband is working on a story, he doesn’t run around the house and call on the muse,” says Larisa Vasilievna. “But I always knock if I want to go into his office.” What if I run out of inspiration? Sometimes it seems to me that Semyon is constantly working: he never parts with his notebook, where he writes down interesting events or funny phrases from conversations.”

There was a moment when Altov tried to involve his children in creativity. He even got his son interested in cinematic activities: “I took him with me to the filming of the film “Klutz.” Farada, Migitsko and many other wonderful actors starred there,” the writer recalls. “Pasha came and watched as they searched and created the image. It's very exciting. And he fell ill with filmmaking. And he still likes it. But he is engaged in serious business, to which, I will say right away, I have nothing to do.”

“I steal signs from hotels all over the world.”

Altov calls himself a very lazy person: it is almost impossible to drag him out somewhere to rest. The exception is fishing, which the writer became interested in back in 1969: “I had just started writing, and suddenly they told me that I could go to Bratsk to give performances and earn 500 rubles. At that time - a lot of money. And so a company of young, aspiring artists flew to Bratsk. And it turned out that no one was waiting for us there. We didn't have money for return tickets. At first, everyone was confused and quarreled, looking for someone to blame. But then they finally got together, chipped in their last rubles and hired a small ship. They sailed along the Angara, performed in small villages, literally collecting money by the bucketload. As I remember now, two pioneers came up and said: “Uncle, we don’t have 50 kopecks, we only have 20!” And I, brushing away a tear, of course, let them go. Wonderful company, golden autumn, beautiful river... These were the best days of my life!”

Fishing was the main activity then: “We caught perches from our boat using the perch’s eye. Thread, hook - and go! Our entire deck was covered in three layers of fish - that’s all we ate. I will never forget this fishing trip. Once my friends invited me to Astrakhan, but I couldn’t go. But he called them every day, inquiring about the catch. And they asked me in tired and alarmed voices: “Don’t you know what you need to put on a hook so that it stops biting?!” Out of frustration, I even began to have trouble sleeping! And then they arrived and admitted that there was no fish at all. And I immediately felt better.”

Altov also has his own unusual collection at home: “I felt embarrassed that everyone was collecting something, but I wasn’t. And he began collecting signs that are hung on the doors of hotels: “Please clean up”, “Please do not disturb.” I steal them from hotels all over the world. My friends do the same thing. A gift costs them nothing, but a sign of attention is important to me. There are already about three hundred houses. If there is an idiot who has the same hobby, we can exchange.”

In companies, everyone expects jokes from Altov, but he always came to visit, sat down, like others, at the table, then calmly left. “And then the people were indignant: “What a boor: he eats, drinks and is silent!” - says the writer. “But over time, people got used to my “ordinariness.” Plus, when I feel calm and relaxed, I can actually say something fun. It’s too late for me to change anything about myself. Besides, I've been a loner all my life. My work is a table, paper, pen and me.”

Prepared by Lina Lisitsyna,
based on materials