American jokes. Understanding English humor - jokes

A Russian and an American went to hell, Satan asks them:
- Well, which hell do you want to go to, Russian or American?
American:
- How is it different?
Satan:
- Well, in American hell you have to eat a bucket of shit a day and do whatever you want, but in Russian - 2 buckets of shit.
- Well, I’ll go to the American one, there’s less shit there.
- And I’m a Russian, I’ve lived in Russia all my life, which means I have to go to Russian hell.
A month passes, a Russian and an American meet, the Russian asks:
- Well, how is it in American hell?
- It’s normal, I eat a bucket of shit a day and I’m fine, but how are you?
- And here, like in Russia, they won’t deliver shit, then there aren’t enough buckets for everyone!!

All Americans go to heaven when they die. Because, unnoticed by the Apostle Peter, the gates of hell are slightly shifted.

A tribe of cannibals caught an American, a Frenchman and a Russian. Leader:
- We will eat this skinny Frenchman for breakfast... We will eat this fat American for lunch...
Tribe:
- Shall we eat Russian for dinner?
Leader:
- No, we will let the Russian go, I studied with him in the same group at MGIMO.

The main difference between a Russian and an American patriot is that the Russian hates America, while the American doesn’t care about Russia.

One shark says to another:
- Why are you so fat?
- I eat tourists from Russia.
- It's dangerous! They can kill you!
- No! It’s when you catch an American or a German that your fellow countrymen rush to help. And if these, then their compatriots shout:
- Have fun, bro, how exotic! And they film it on video...

An American soldier returns from the front and travels through England on a train. All the seats are occupied, only an Englishwoman is sitting in one compartment, there is a dog on the seat opposite her, and an Englishman next to her.
- Lady, let me sit down!
- You Americans are all very rude! Can't you see, my dog ​​is sitting here!
- But lady, I’m very tired, I fought for three months at the front, I want to sit down!
- You Americans are not only very rude! You are also annoying!
- Lady! I also love dogs, I have two of them at home. Let me sit down and hold your dog in my arms!
- You Americans are not only very rude and annoying! You are simply unbearable!
After these words, the American soldier takes the dog, throws it out the window and sits down. The lady is speechless. The Englishman sitting next to him says:
- You know, young man! I don't agree with her definition of Americans at all, but let me point out that you Americans do a lot of things wrong. You're driving on the wrong side of the road, you're holding the fork in the wrong hand, and now you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window!

An American, a Chinese and a Jew were sitting in the restaurant.
- Everyone got a fly in their soup.
- The American immediately caused a scandal.
- The Chinese ate a fly.
- And the Jew sold his fly to the Chinese.

The Tsar told the American, the French and the Ukrainian that no matter how long they rode across the field on a horse, all that land was theirs. Well, the American gallops for an hour or two, looks back - “Eh, this will be enough for me and my descendants for the rest of my life!” The Frenchman galloped...an hour, two, three, four - he touched the horse, “But no, the horse is tired, and this land is enough for me.” The climax moment is a Ukrainian galloping. An hour, two, three...days, the second went, the horse is already falling exhausted, he gets up and runs-runs-runs, but his strength leaves him and he falls backwards to the ground, takes off his hat and throws it forward, shouting “And tse fuck tomatoes!!”

US software makers have made a stunning discovery. It turns out that the reading speed of Russians is hundreds of thousands of times higher than the reading speed of Americans. This became obvious after counting the milliseconds it takes the average Russian to read the user (license) agreement and click *AGREE*.

A Russian sits in a cafe and has an afternoon snack. He has a sandwich with jam and muesli on his table. An American comes up to him and, chewing gum, asks him:
- But you Russians eat whole bread?
The Russian responds:
- Certainly! And what?
An American blowing a bubble out of chewing gum says:
- But we don’t! We Americans only eat the crumb and collect the rinds in containers, process them, make granola out of them and sell them to Russia!
The Russian is silent. The American, again blowing a bubble gum, asks:
- Do you Russians eat sandwiches with jam?
The Russian responds:
- Of course we’ll eat!
- But we don’t! In America we only eat fresh fruit. We collect seeds, peels and all sorts of scraps in containers, process them, make jam from them and sell them to Russia!
And the satisfied one inflates the bubble again. The Russian was finally pretty offended by this and he, in turn, asked:
- What do you do with condoms after use?
American:
- We throw it away, naturally.
Russian:
- But we don’t! We Russians collect them in containers, process them, make chewing gum out of them and sell them to America.

Hello dear readers! I'm glad to see you on my blog page. Today I suggest reading jokes in English, having fun and usefully spending time.

When you read books, articles in English or English, are you able to understand all the jokes? Or maybe you've been in a situation where someone told funny jokes and everyone around you laughed, except you? Shall we check?

I have made a selection of short English jokes on various topics. In general, the British love to laugh at themselves, but they also have a lot of good jokes about Russians. One of the best categories are jokes about (but I still wonder what nation is the author of them?). Children and students will find interesting jokes about school. Let's start with them!

About studying

Student : Brains like Bermuda triangle– wheninformation goes in it is never found again.

Translation.

Student: Brains are like the Bermuda Triangle - once information gets into it, it can no longer be found.

Teacher :Ikilledaperson. Tom Green, convert this sentence into Future Tense, please.

Student Tom Green : You will go to jail.

Translation.

Teacher: I killed a man. Tom Green, rephrase this sentence in the future tense. Student: You will go to jail.

Ifasingle teacher can't teach us all subjects, then how can you

expectastudent to learn all of them?

Translation.

If one teacher cannot teach us all subjects, how can a student be expected to learn them all?

On the topic of the day

Hardwork never killed anybody, but why takeachance?

Translation.

Hard work has never killed anyone, but why take the risk?

wife : Darling,yesterday nightIsawa wonderfuldream - you were sending

me expensive clothes and jewelry. Husband: Yeah, andIsaw your dad paying the bill.

Translation.

Wife : Dear, yesterdayAt night I dreamed of you sending me expensive clothes and jewelry. Husband: Yes, and I saw your father pay the bill for it.

Ialwayslearn from the others' mistakes -those who take my advice.

Translation.

I always learn from the mistakes of others - those who follow my advice.

About everything

- Whatis the longest word in the English language?

  - « Smiles». Because there isamile between its first and last letters!

Translation.

— What is the longest word in the English language?

— « "Smiles". Because there is a whole mile between the first and last letter!

Thegirl andtheboy are talking. The girl says," You could bean excellentdancer except for two things." The boy asks, « And what are they?» The girl answers," Your feet."

Translation.

Conversation between a girl and a boy. The girl says: “You could be an excellent dancer if not for two problems.” The boy asks: “Which ones?” The girl answers: “Your legs.”

- Willyou tell me your name?- Will. Knot.- Why not?

Translation.

- Can you tell me what your name is? - Yes. Not - Why not?

• Book « The best English jokes» will add a sea of ​​cool jokes to your collection! I recommend it.
• A this collection (though in electronic form) will enrich your library not only with anecdotes, but also with famous legends and popular tales.
• Popular English and American jokes in the context of language teaching, this is an excellent option that the well-known Ilya Frank offers us.
• And one more collection « The best English jokes» will make you smile more than once and at the same time not strain, but enjoy easy reading.

About the English Queen

At the beginning of the article, I said that jokes about the Queen of England are very popular. Yes, but representatives of other nations, for example, we Russians, like such jokes more. The British themselves do not particularly welcome such topics... Either they are afraid of the wrath of the long-lived monarch, or is it really in their blood to be correct in everything!? What do you think, huh?

But still I managed to find one funny joke. I don’t even know who could have come up with it?….

Once Bernard Shaw dropped the phrase that all women are corrupt. The English Queen heard that and when meeting Shaw, asked him:

“Is it true, sir, that you are saying that all women are corrupt?”

"Yes, Your Majesty."

- And me too?! — exclaimed the queen indignantly.

"And you too, Your Majesty," Shaw said calmly.

“And how much am I worth?” asked the queen.

“Ten thousand pounds” Shaw said at once.

- What, so cheap?! The queen resented.

“You see, you are already bargaining about the price,” the playwright smiled.

Translation:

Bernard Shaw once said that all women are corrupt.

The Queen of England, having learned about this, asked Shaw when she met:

“Is it true, sir, that you say that all women are corrupt?”

- Yes, Your Majesty.

- And me too?! - the queen was indignant.

“And you too, Your Majesty,” Shaw replied calmly.

- And how much do I cost?! - the queen burst out.

“Ten thousand pounds sterling,” Shaw immediately determined.

- What, so cheap?! - the queen was surprised.

“You see, you’re already bargaining,” the playwright smiled.

Sometimes Russian people cannot comprehend the meaning of subtle and sharp English humor, because... Difficulties often arise with translation into Russian. There is an opinion that English humor is peculiar and difficult to perceive. What is the reason?

This happens because many jokes are based on double meaning of phrases or the use of words that sound similar but have different meanings (this is what I'm talking about, by the way). That’s why it’s so important to know the language well, above average.

That is why I recommend that you immediately subscribe to my blog and practice mastering the language regularly. Tell your friends and share the information received through links on social networks. Bye everyone, wait for new articles!

Is humor a generally understood phenomenon, or a narrowly national one? Will our jokes be accessible to the British or Americans? Will we appreciate their jokes? I remembered an incident from the TV series “Friends” when the main funny man Chandler tries to give what he thinks is a hilarious toast at the wedding of Ross and Emily, where most of the guests are English. He didn't do very well...

And if they, native speakers of the same language, do not understand each other, then how will we understand their jokes? Let's look at the intricacies of English and American humor. Let's find originality, differences and similarities, consider specific examples of jokes and anecdotes.

That same English humor

England is a country of humor. Stand up (solo performance in front of a live audience), which is gaining popularity in Russia, first appeared in the UK. The funniest thing in the history of the sketch show (a program with short comedy skits) is also an English product (of course, I mean “Monty Python’s Flying Circus”). And humor in this country can be called a national trait.

To understand the peculiarities of English humor, you probably need to live there. While there is no such possibility, let’s be content with canned examples preserved in literature, films, songs and in the experiences of foreigners who moved to England and now complain in their blogs: “I moved 5 years ago, but I still can’t catch up...”. Let's begin!

The smile of an Englishman (part 7 of the film “England in General and in Particular”)

Self-irony: you can't take yourself seriously

The English always laugh at themselves. Both over your personal qualities (features of appearance/character/manner of speaking, etc.) and over national ones (excessive politeness, isolation, etc.). In general, it is believed that a person who is able to laugh at himself is psychologically absolutely healthy. We conclude: the British are a spiritually strong nation.

For example

I don’t at all like knowing what people say of me behind my back. It makes me far too conceited
(Oscar Wilde)
I don’t want to know what they say about me behind my back; I already have a high enough opinion of myself.

I got nasty habits, I take tea at three. (Mick Jagger)
I am very poorly brought up: I drink tea at three.

I love talking about nothing, father. It is the only thing I know anything about. (Oscar Wilde)
I like to talk about nothing - it's the only thing I understand.

Sarcasm and irony towards the interlocutor

If they allow themselves to be laughed at, it means that the interlocutor will not be happy either. And not only him. Everything becomes an object of irony: the weather, political events, the barking of a neighbor's dog. In other words, the British find humor in everything.

For example

For our last number, I’d like to ask your help. Would the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands. And the rest of you, if you’ll just rattle your jewelry. (John Lennon)
The last number needs your help. Those in the cheap seats, clap. The rest of you just jingle your jewelry.

Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the airplane, the pessimist the parachute. (Bernard Shaw)
Both optimists and pessimists make their contribution to society. An optimist invented an airplane, a pessimist invented a parachute.

Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious. (Oscar Wilde)
Women have simply amazing intuition. They notice everything except the obvious.

Not a single muscle flinches: the famous equanimity

As Seamus Mac Manus (Irish writer) said, “Fear three things: the hooves of a horse, the horns of a bull, and the smile of an Englishman.” Yes, they joke always and everywhere, but they don’t change their facial expressions (you won’t even notice!). You need to always keep your eyes open. Humor is built on subtle hints, comparisons and euphemisms.

For example

“I really like how loud you play your music”, - the Englishman will say with a calm, slightly sly face, in response to which you should laugh it off in style: “Oh, yes, everybody loves me for that, that’s why I live alone”, and turn the music down.

They (the English) are incredibly serious, respectable and respectable, but suddenly something will flare up, they will say something very funny, sparkling with humor, and then they will immediately become respectable again, like an old leather chair. (Karel Capek)

The paradox is off the charts

I sit and talk about the restrained but caustic British humor, with which one associates a cane, a hat and a cup of tea. And images of Mr. Bean, Benny Hill and the guys from Monty Python appear in my head. How so? The image of an intelligent wit does not fit with them! And this is the strangeness of English humor. Along with restraint and subtle irony coexists a love of oxymoron, grotesque, ridicule of everything and everyone in all possible forms.

Monty Python's Flying Circus miniature “Hitler”

Play on words, or Play upon words

English humor is most associated with the phenomenon of words. The lion's share of their jokes is based on the similarity and consonance of words. I can’t say that this is some kind of distinctive feature (we have pun makers, as well as in any other country). But in England this direction is especially loved. To understand such a joke, you need to know the language well, and to create a new one, you need to know it perfectly.

For example

– Excuse me sir, what is it?
- It's bean soup.
– I don’t care what it has been. What is it now?

– Why do you think she is now wearing a size 16?
– I guess she just 8 + 8 (ate and ate).

Types of jokes: how to become a pro in English humor

In any country there are certain types, one might say, patterns of jokes. How many variations do we have on the theme of Lieutenant Rzhevsky or the notorious Vovochka? Among English witticisms there are also such. For example, we can separately highlight:

• Knock-knock jokes (which, by the way, are also used in America)
• Q&A jokes (also used in the USA, and in Russia too)
• Cross jokes (based on a play on words, but with a special structure).

Now let's move on to the details. First, let's talk about knock-knock jokes.

For example

– Knock, knock!,- says the beginner making a joke.
-Who's there?– another participant answers.
– Earnest.– the instigator of the dialogue calls his “name”.
– Earnest who?
– Not earnest who – how earnest. In earnest.

You can laugh now. Over what? Let's figure it out. Knock-knock jokes are based on wordplay. In this particular example, the comic is based on the fact that Earnest is not only a name (Ernest), but also an adjective “serious”.

“Not a serious WHO, but a serious HOW. Very serious.” - answers the one who started the joke. So laugh.

There are a huge number of such jokes. If you come up with your own pun, feel free to wrap it in knock-knock form and play it with your English-speaking friends.

Q&A jokes are a classic version of the question-and-answer joke.(in the style of “ - How to drive a woman crazy? - Give money and close all the shops.”)

On a play on words:

Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A: Because 7 8 9!

We pronounce: “seven eight nine”, which sounds like “Seven ate nine” (seven ate nine).

On the meaning:

Q: Why did the Siamese twins move to England?
A: So the other one could drive!

As you know, in England there are right-hand drive cars. 🙂

Cross jokes, in which the joker asks the question: what will happen if you cross something1 and something2. And the result of the play on words is another pun. I'll show you with an example:

– What do you get if you cross a dog with a computer?
– A computer with lots of bites

Bites “bites”, similar to bytes “unit of digital information”.

Remember these names

To soak up the lively British humor, I advise you to watch films or performances with the participation of English comedians and stand-ups.

Jon Richardson, Jack Whitehall, Sarah Millican, Jack Dee, David Mitchell, Stewart Lee, Ricky Gervais, Lee Nelson, Simon Amstell, Jimmy Carr, Billy Connolly, Micky Flanagan.

American Humor: Forget the Banana Peel

American humor is funny. English is smart.(Steve Martin)

The phrase is taken out of context, but you can still build on it. Was the Englishman joking? Sometimes you won't understand right away. When an American jokes, you can tell for sure. No, I'm not talking about the “throwing cake in your face” stereotype. I find American humor very deep and interesting. But the American's joke implies a reaction from the audience - laughter. After it there will be a pause and noticeable anticipation of the joker.

The eel always looks like he just told a joke and is waiting for your reaction.

Just remember JD (the hero of the series “Scrubs”), who jokes, laughs himself and looks at the listeners with a question in his eyes: “You find it funny too, right?” Again, I won’t say that this is a national trait of some Americans, but it definitely distinguishes them from the British, who may not even show that they were making a joke. English humor can be called intimate, designed for a prepared audience. The American one, on the contrary, is aimed at the general public. There is more exaggeration, loudness and “antics” in it.

The topics for jokes in America are basically the same as everyone else’s:

• national characteristics (we joke about the Chukchi, the British about the Irish, Americans, for example, about Poles or Canadians),
• policy,
• celebrities,
• historical characters, etc.

True, one topic is still purely national - lawyers. Only the lazy do not joke about frequent judicial practices. I remember the parable film “Route 60”, where many features of American culture were shown: complete freedom (a city with legal drugs), gluttony (a man with a bottomless stomach), and in one of the corners of the mysterious route the main character ended up in a city of lawyers... Anecdotes on there is plenty of this topic too.

The film is a must watch!

For example

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
A: After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.

Q: What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?
A: A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.

Excerpt from the series “Friends”

Another feature of American humor is impudence. In England, the most impudent meaning is likely to be wrapped in a solid shell. In the USA, both content and form can be daring. For example, you can watch the brilliant monologues of Lenny Bruce, George Carlin or the famous speech of Eddie Murphy (I would insert them into the text, but no censor will let them through).

Jokes with not very

I have seen this national American joke in many films and sitcoms, but a scene from the movie “Borat” will explain the meaning of the joke better than me (by the way, pay close attention to the classification shown on the board).

Isn't it obvious?

Another type of joke that I discovered in the vastness of the sitcom “Friends” (it’s not for nothing that they tell me that I am the first person in the world who was completely brought up by TV series). So, just an example:

– Would you like one?– a colleague offers Chandler a cigarette.
– Would Joey like two pizzas?- he answers her, meaning that his desire to smoke is as obvious as the desire of the glutton Joey to eat as many as two pizzas alone.

There are a lot of jokes built on this principle in the series. Apparently this is a really common thing.

Remember these names 2

And again I urge you, reader, not to take my word for it, but to watch American comedians in action.

Lenny Bruce, George Carlin, Eddie Murphy, Bill Hicks, Sam Kinison, Jerry Lewis.

We had a good laugh

In fact, such discussions about humor are largely meaningless. Of course, the humor is different (thanks, Cap). Foreigners will not understand jokes about “I’ll buy my wife boots,” and we don’t like jokes about Baptists. After all, a joke will be successful when it corresponds to a certain culture.

But still, there is something purely national, not only in the subject matter, but also in the nature of the humor (which, in principle, is what we were talking about). I hope the discussion was interesting and fun. Although no, I don’t pretend to be funny: let the above-mentioned professionals in this field make you laugh :)

Good day! Perhaps English humor is famous all over the world. The British, like no one else, know how to joke, both at others and at themselves. English humor, on the one hand, is witty, subtle and sarcastic, and on the other hand, flat, rude and prim. It all depends on how much you understand the mentality of the British, the culture of the country and the language itself. English jokes are most often momentary impromptu.

For the first time, Soviet viewers heard good English jokes while watching the film “Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson.” In the mid-90s, the British comic programs “Mr. Bean” and “The Benny Hill Show” appeared on our television screens, where we encountered sarcastic and slightly rude English jokes with translation. At first, such jokes in English caused misunderstanding and bewilderment, but later we began to better understand the specifics of these jokes, and even fell in love with the humorous shows of the English.

Researchers of British character unanimously confirm the opinion that humor is a national trait of the British. This trait was cultivated in England for centuries, considered one of the most important human virtues. In the old British treatises on manners and manners, it is said that a sense of humor must be cultivated in order to achieve perfection.

Subtle humor and self-irony haunt the British everywhere: on radio broadcasts, in television programs, in the media, in books and in everyday life. Native speakers no longer feel it as keenly and react to jokes as foreigners do, because for them this is already a peculiar way of thinking. The most common form of humor, which is characteristic of the British, is fun for general fun and joy.

If you don’t understand where to laugh, then I advise you to delve into the culture or history of Great Britain, or pay attention to complex words (from two stems). For example:

— Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
— Regular rocks are too heavy.
Why do people wear shamrocks on their clothes on St. Patrick's Day?
— Because ordinary stones are very heavy.

So what's so funny? - you ask. The fact is that the word shamrocks contains the word rocks, which is where the “salt” lies.

I hope these simple notes will help you understand English humor at least a little. But still, you will not be able to fully master all the subtleties of a good old English joke. To do this you need to be born an Englishman.

Read jokes with translation! Have a good mood! See you soon!