How to teach a child to be friends: a guide for loving parents. Empathize and be polite

“I want my children to be friends and play with as many children as possible and at the same time be able to fight back without any problems, using their fists, so that no one would have the thought of offending them again. Dmitry"

Dmitry, let's start with the first question. How to teach your child to be friends and communicate with other children.

First, take a closer look at your own child. Mobile and active children always strive to make acquaintances, love to be the center of attention and participate in group games. Children who have a phlegmatic type of temperament feel quite comfortable alone.

It’s another matter when you see that a child wants to play with other children, but for some reason cannot do this. The parents' task is to teach him to get to know each other, communicate and play with them. Simple conversations about friendship are unlikely to help here; it is much more effective to sing songs about friendship together, watch cartoons, read and discuss books, and tell your child about your own friends. Personal example is perhaps the most effective way of all to show and explain to a child how best to behave in a given situation.

Ask yourself questions about how many friends your family has, whether you often go to visit and invite someone to your place. The child most often inherits the pattern of behavior that is typical in the family.

The very first step to friendship is getting to know each other. In order to help your child meet other children, help him: tell him how to address a boy or girl. For example: “Hi. My name is Sasha. What about you? Let's play! You can rehearse at home with toys. Parents can also organize a joint game themselves, and then leave the children to play on their own. Any group games will help your child relieve stress and find new friends: hide and seek, catch-up, playing with sand, etc.

The wider the child's social circle, the more opportunities to make friends. Sections, clubs, early development schools, neighbors in the stairwell, the children of your friends. Invite other children to visit you, prepare for their arrival. Choose suitable games, prepare a sweet table, you can prepare small gifts. At the same time, teach your children etiquette and rules for receiving guests. Likewise, in those cases when you go to visit someone, you can grab a small surprise for a friend: draw a picture, make a craft, bake cookies, etc. Be interested in how your child’s friends are doing, worry together, or rejoice at the success of your child’s friends.

Teach your child that to join a group of children already playing, you need to wait for a pause, and then ask someone for permission to join.

In addition to the fact that a child needs to be taught to be friends, it is simply necessary to teach him to react to refusals without offense. Refusals are not a reason for frustration, but a reason to find a more interesting and suitable group of children. Be sure to praise your child for his efforts and attempts to get to know someone or join the game, regardless of the result.

It's no secret that even the best friends sometimes have conflicts. Here, too, you need to explain to the child that resentment and grief pass, but friendship remains. It also happens that children are simply not suitable for each other in temperament, and if games most often end in tears and fights, then there is no need to encourage such relationships.

Now let's talk about the second question. How to teach a child to defend himself. This question worries both moms and dads, but dads, especially boys, care more. Let's go back to personal example again. This phrase has probably set people on edge by now, but it is still very effective. From the birth of our beloved child, we try to give the child the best, teach him everything he needs, including the art of communication.

If your child is still small and cannot form complete sentences, and you see that he needs help, then YOU should provide this help. If a toy is taken away, it doesn’t matter. You can ask her back by exchanging for another. Pushed/hit - comfort your child, take him away from the fighter.

In general, you shouldn’t make a mountain out of a mountain. Most often, it is adults who “get stuck” on their child’s grievances. Before teaching your child to vigorously defend his interests, ask yourself a few questions: “How does the child feel about this situation?”, “Does he really feel offended, humiliated and unhappy?”, “How do I feel about this situation?”, “ Maybe it’s my ambitions or old grievances that are remembered now?” In most cases, the child quickly forgets or does not notice at all the unfair treatment that his parent focused on. They pushed me, didn’t take me into the game, teased me. It's OK. In a couple of minutes, the child himself will find a new company and take an active part in a new game. Children's grievances are unstable and quickly forgotten. Yesterday's enemies become today's best friends.

Of course, the child needs to be taught and protected. Again, everything needs moderation. There is no need to be troublemakers who start to download your license for any reason. Just like you shouldn’t call your child a coward and a wimp.

In general, parents of preschoolers are most concerned about the self-defense of their children, and are trying in every possible way to teach them to defend their rights. Although it is preschoolers who most need the support of adults and expect help from them. They are not yet mentally and physically ready to exert physical influence and defend themselves from offenders.

Using your fists is the last thing. But sometimes you need to do this too. And only for school-age children. They are the ones who are left without adult supervision and are sometimes forced to fend for themselves or protect a weaker comrade. But here, too, everything must be specified. For example, you cannot be the first to start a fight. You can't hit him in the face or stomach either. It is better if the child plays sports. There he will learn to control his emotions, become more tolerant, and make like-minded friends. Well, if necessary, he can stand up for himself.

I would like to tell parents to be wise and not rush their children to grow up. Be there for them and protect them when they are still in kindergarten and need you, and let your children go and let them sort out conflicts themselves when they are more independent and can fend for themselves.

“My son and I are best friends”, “Mom is my best friend”... What is hidden behind these phrases - evidence of the pedagogical viability of the parents, or trauma received by the child in childhood?

Let's start with the fact that it was not customary to be friends with children, anywhere and never. Children have always been lower than their parents in the family hierarchy - unquestioning submission, obedience and reverence, well, at least in theory. In practice, of course, the most extreme versions of anti-parental riots have happened, but to be friends with parents? Friends with equals!

The twentieth century put the equal sign. Its cataclysms shook up social foundations so thoroughly that it seems that there are no differences left at all - nowhere and no one. Women have achieved equality with men, blacks with whites, Jews with everyone, disabled people with healthy people, people with non-traditional sexual orientation with those whose personal lives proceed in the most traditional way. What about the children? Why should they be disadvantaged compared to adults? They should have rights (and more!) and freedoms (and where would we be without this?)

” Without touching on the social side of the issue, since the debate about the benefits and harms of juvenile justice can be almost endless, it should be noted that at the very basic level, at the level of child-parent relations, this attitude towards equality has already done a lot of harm.

What makes our relationships with friends different? What do we mean by the concept of “true friend”? This is a person who is interesting to us, to whom we are always ready to help, listen to him, console him, support him morally and, sometimes, financially, without imposing our opinion. Are you a friend to your children? Yes, definitely. But friendship is never one-sided, which means your children should become your friends...

What does this mean in practice? No censorship! For example, involving children in a “general council” regarding the distribution of the family budget. So, let the child know how much his parents earn, let him moderate his needs, since the family is going through financial difficulties - isn’t this what fosters a correct attitude towards money? More precisely, it fosters financial neuroses!

” The child does not have his own income, cannot significantly reduce his expenses (admit it, saving on gum and ice cream will not save the family budget...), but he receives a portion of information that he cannot process into real actions.

Where parents can do something (find another job, take out a loan, borrow money from friends), the child has no choice but to fall into a state of severe frustration.

” Believe me, the news that “if things continue like this, then our entire business will collapse and we will find ourselves on the street” will only add to his feeling of anxiety and helplessness. He won’t be able to do anything about it, but he will worry.

And you, in addition to work troubles, will also have to deal with childhood insomnia, migraines and gastritis, not to mention the fact that you will have to come to grips with his school (kindergarten) problems - before studying here, when a catastrophe is about to break out?

What about your personal life? It would seem that there is nothing more obvious than the axiom “don’t quarrel in front of children.” But no, I have no strength to restrain myself! But, what’s even worse, we involve the child in our disputes, explaining how and why dad/mom is wrong. The child finds himself in a situation where he simply has to make a choice - mom or dad? Who should I be friends with - him or her? You yourself try to make a choice - right leg or left? Left? Kick her! Hurt? And both legs hurt, and both of them hurt? Amazing, isn't it?

” But the situation becomes completely dramatic in the event of parents separating. If before this their intimate life “did not exist” for the child, was a taboo topic not only for discussion, but even for reflection, now it involuntarily turns out to be turned inside out in front of a child friend, who suddenly discovers with amazement that his mother (father) ) is also a sexual object, for which, it turns out, one can experience the most immodest desires.

From the parents’ side, everything looks like a cute chatter - first they discussed the boys from their classmates, then they moved on to their mother’s boyfriends, like girlfriends! From the child’s point of view, this looks like a form of rape - no child needs to be carried with his nose on his parents’ bed... Then don’t be surprised that the grown-up child will not be able to build his own relationships - he acquired an aversion to them even at the very moment when you chirped sweetly “like girlfriends.”

Be a parent to your child, not a friend, because you are a parent, not a friend. This, of course, is also friendship, but only one-sided - you are his friend, and he is your child! Is true friendship between children and parents possible? Of course, just wait until at least until your children have children of their own.

We live in a society, so the ability to make friends and cooperate is very important for a person. Throughout life, we often have to join a new team and make friends. For the first time we are independently faced with such a need at school. Sometimes it can be very difficult for a child to adapt to a new environment and find friends. It is to these children that we want to give some practical advice that will help them make friends with classmates and become part of the team.

Of course, first-graders cannot do without the help of their first teacher. A good cool mother will do everything to introduce children to each other and create a new friendly team. Interesting games during recess with the participation of all the kids, excursions for first-graders and exciting lessons - methods that will help the teacher create a cohesive team called “our 1st grade.”

But the state and readiness of the child himself to join the team (especially if he changes school or class) are also very important. The baby needs to learn how to meet people and make friends - these skills will come in handy more than once.

Do you want to help a child? Then give the baby these parting words:

1. Be yourself

This is probably one of the most important tips. Let him not try to look better in the eyes of others. People value sincerity. Liars are not liked, and when the truth comes out, they lose friends, trust, and sometimes find themselves the objects of ridicule.

2. Show kindness. Smile more often

“Friendship begins with a smile,” these words appeared in a kind children’s song for a reason. In the morning before school, set your child's mood in a positive way. After all, meeting people is so interesting! Let your child prepare to meet new classmates with a smile and an open soul. Among them there are many good, interesting and like-minded people. He will definitely realize this soon and make friends with his classmates.

3. Introduce yourself and get to know everyone.

This is not only a rule of politeness, but also the first step to building good relationships with new classmates. , of course, will help the children meet and get to know each other in the first lesson. But don’t let him stand quietly in the corner, waiting for classes to start. Ask him to approach his classmates and peers, introduce himself and chat.

Mothers can help first-graders with this difficult task: plan some kind of joint leisure time for the children. Going to the cinema, theater, circus or just a walk in the park is a great way to introduce and bring children together.

4. Try to keep the conversation going.

The kid sees his new classmates discussing something. Let him not stand on the sidelines, but join the conversation and tell situations from his life! Is the topic not close to him? Then let him try to interest his peers, if possible, starting a new conversation.

5. Look for common interests.

Did your child find out that he and his classmate are somewhat similar? Hooray! This is good, because they have a common topic for conversation and an activity that brings them together. Advise you to often ask about the hobbies of new acquaintances and talk about your own. In this way, you can make friends with all your classmates not only at school, but also outside it.

By the way, your neighbor/deskmate and classmates who live nearby are the baby’s first potential friends. They already have a common place at their desk and a common way home. It's easier to get close to these guys.

6. Give sincere compliments and praise.

People love to be praised. If your child likes a classmate’s hairstyle or a classmate’s new sneakers, let him say so. But you don’t need to teach your child to make compliments just to please or please someone. Obvious flattery is not the best way to make friends.

7. Help and don't be afraid to ask for help.

Does the child see that someone needs help? Let him offer it. This will bring the baby closer to his classmate. Is he unable to cope with something on his own? Tell your little one to ask someone for a favor. And let him be sure to thank the assistant and invite him to contact him if necessary. Mutual assistance is part of friendly relations.

8. Share.

Teach your child to share books, pens, rulers, toys and other objects (if he has such an opportunity, of course). This will help you build good relationships with the guys and get a spare pen when your little one needs it. It’s good if you have an extra sandwich or candy in your briefcase to treat your new friend (note to mom).

9. Don’t argue and avoid conflicts

Children cannot always agree. Sometimes quarrels and even fights happen. After such bad incidents, it is difficult to establish a relationship with a person. Teach your child to remain silent in time, not to start arguments, not to get into trouble, and to resolve conflicts peacefully. Sometimes it is better to give in and preserve a good relationship with a classmate.

We hope these tips will help your child become part of a new team and make many friends. Your baby needs support now: he is going through a difficult period. Don’t forget about this and do everything to make the baby’s adaptation easier.

The older your baby gets, the more he communicates with the people around him, including his peers. Unfortunately, The experience of first attempts to establish friendship between children is not always successful.

Maria Evgenievna Baulina, Associate Professor of the Department of Clinical and Special Psychology at Moscow City Pedagogical University, Candidate of Psychological Sciences, member of the JOHNSON’S ® BABY expert council, talks about how to prepare your baby for and minimize your and his experiences.

First contact

When a child finds himself in an unfamiliar environment, for example, in a kindergarten, don't insist immediately on his communication with other children. Remember, the baby needs time to look around and get used to the new place and people a little, and also to understand that everything is fine and he is safe. Perhaps for this he will need several meetings, after which the baby will stop just observing and begin to interact with others.

To help the baby get used to it faster, tell and describe, who is doing what, and why they act this way.

Communication skills

Children often develop negative and aggressive reactions to strangers. Thus, the child is trying to defend himself.

To avoid this, rehearse traditional situations, consolidate phrases and actions that can be used in resolving a conflict peacefully.

Be sure to explain to your child that in kindergarten or on the playground everything is common, and what the words “share”, “help”, “give in”, “take turns” mean.

Display of aggression

If other children push or hit the baby, you need to teach him how to defend himself.

Many parents are concerned about the question of whether they should explain to their child how to “fight back,” whether this will make him more aggressive. Unfortunately, until the age of 3-4, it is difficult for children to have long discussions about who is right and who is wrong. Therefore, a child who allows himself to be beaten and defends himself only with words is perceived by his peers as weak and unresponsive. Such a baby will never get an interesting toy, and no one will give him the opportunity to ride on a swing.

Agree with your child that if someone hits him, you should first try to resolve the conflict peacefully, then, if unsuccessful, warn him that he will hit back, and, if the threat does not work, hit the offender.

If your child is being teased, teach him to turn the quarrel into a joke or tease back, but so that his words do not sound rude or insulting. To do this, tell your little one what a rhyme is and practice at home. For example, if the offender’s last name is Leikin, let him become Barmaleikin, if Plyushkin - Splyushkin, etc.

Sibling rivalry

Some kids choose a boyfriend or girlfriend and do not part with this child for a minute. They demand that he not play or talk to anyone else.

In this situation, it is important to explain to the baby that every child is interesting and attractive in some way. One runs fast and it’s fun to play catch-up with him, the other knows how to catch a ball, the third knows funny songs, etc. Therefore, there is nothing wrong with having several friends at once. If you help your child expand his social circle, he will have fewer reasons to.

General games

It is difficult for young children to play together because they do not know how to assign roles and find advantages in each of them.

When your little one gets lost and can’t join in on the fun, offer him several options for participating in it. For example, if children are working with blocks, explain to your child that you can be not only a builder, but also a “sorter” who sorts blocks by color and shape, or a truck driver who delivers materials to a construction site.

Take note of expert advice. This will help your child quickly adapt to the new environment and feel comfortable.

Alesya Sergeevna Chernyavskaya,
leading prevention specialist
social orphanhood of a public organization
"Belarusian SOS Foundation-Children's Village"

Being a parent is a hard job that moms and dads do, often without special skills or training. And if you somehow manage to cope with the problems of young children that arise in the family circle, then sometimes it’s not possible to maintain your sanity and react correctly to the child’s experiences, for example, due to the lack of friends in kindergarten, on the street or at school.

Thus, for most parents, their child’s life seems successful and happy when their son or daughter is among friends and communicates closely with their peers. But as soon as you hear the phrases “why doesn’t my friend hang out with me”, “no one wants to be friends with me”, “I won’t go out on the street, I’m sad there”, a feeling of helplessness and despair arises, anger at other children, their parents and your own child , even to the point of self-accusation. After all, a kindergarten or school company is a simplified model of society and in it the skill of relationships with others is practiced, and the reaction of peers to a child shapes his self-image and attitude towards his personality.

At the same time, before drawing conclusions and taking active actions, it is worth understanding what the child means by the concept of “friendship”, trying to understand why he cannot occupy the desired position in the children’s team, find a friend and/or maintain a relationship with him. And resolving this issue requires great delicacy.

What is friendship? There are a lot of definitions for this word. But if we generalize them and apply them to relationships between children, then friendship is a close and voluntary relationship that is a source of emotional support and empathy for the child. For the first time, an interest in contact with other children arises in a 2-3-year-old child, who would rather share a scoop and bucket with a familiar boy or girl than with an unknown one, and give a car and a doll to a peer rather than an adult.

As children get older 3-6(7) years will be friends with those who offer to play with their toys or treat them with candy, do not sneak, do not cry and do not fight. And since almost a third of preschoolers are friends with someone, the word “friend” is firmly established in the children’s dictionary in 3-5 years of life. Friendship for 3-6 year old child- this is an opportunity to visit, play together, have fun, protect from offenders and feel sorry for a friend, as well as forgive a friend and apologize to him. At the same time, almost all friendly relations during this period are built on the principle of “good for good, evil for evil.”

IN 6(7)-9(10) years of age Education is of great importance for children. Younger schoolchildren are more likely to be friends with peers who are loyal and smart, who cheat, who share school supplies, and who are of the same gender as them. The child also chooses a friend based on the geographical principle - sits at the same desk with him, attends the same clubs or lives nearby. Friendship is rather perceived by schoolchildren as mutually beneficial cooperation that does not require understanding and acceptance of the interests of their friend. At the same time, almost all boys build businesslike and substantive relationships with each other, while girls attach special importance to interpersonal trusting contacts. Despite the fact that 80-90% of children have friends and the bonds of friendship are very strong, they, as a rule, do not last long.

It should be noted that by the end of primary school (8-10 years) Children acquire the concept of obligation to each other, they begin to realize and take into account the feelings of the other, building friendship on positions of mutual assistance. Therefore, the interruption of friendships, for example due to a move to another school, is perceived painfully by the child, even to the point of experiencing a feeling of real loss and grief. True, until he finds new friends. Sometimes friendships end due to the emergence of other interests, as a result of which children turn to new friends who can satisfy their needs. During this period, according to researchers, the presence of even a single close friend helps the child overcome the negative impact of hostility from other children.

Note that real friendship between teenagers is a very complex and ambiguous phenomenon. At one time, mutual support, spending time together, and mutual trust may appear, and at another, sovereignty, rivalry, and even conflict. This is largely due to the fact that a teenager is looking for his own individuality and strives to satisfy his emotional and psychological needs. As a result, he develops trusting relationships with several children, which makes the participants in the friendly union simultaneously dependent and autonomous from each other.

Compared to younger schoolchildren, in a teenager The importance of direct everyday contact with a friend decreases, but the role of empathy and understanding in relationships increases significantly. In his opinion, a friend is an ideal person who embodies all the best and for whom one can even make a sacrifice. In addition, adolescents are especially characterized by a phenomenon called “anticipation of communication” in psychology. Its essence is that the child is constantly in search of communication and is always open to contact. Therefore, if it is not possible to be friends with the one with whom you want, or as a result of some conflict there is a cooling in the relationship, the teenager can go for casual relationships, just so as not to be left alone.

A typical manifestation of friendly psychotherapy is face-to-face and telephone communication. Such communication takes about 3-4 hours on weekdays and up to 9 hours on weekends. Despite the fact that, according to many parents, this conversation seems to be “about nothing,” psychologically it is more important than any meaningful conversation at this age. However, the boundless openness, frankness and trust of these relationships often bring negative consequences. At the moment of a quarrel, in order to hurt the other more, former comrades can tell others the most cherished secrets of their friend.

Gender differences are also clearly evident in youth friendships. Girls are more emotional and intimate in their relationships. They have fewer close friends than boys, and they prefer to date each of them separately rather than all at once. In addition, if the main friend for a boy is a peer of the same sex, then for a girl the ideal friend is a boy older than her in age. That is, for high school girls, the word “friendship,” used to describe relationships, is often just a veiled name for emerging love.

Despite the fact that the characteristics of children's friendships have been studied quite deeply, parents should always take into account that each child is formed in his own way. This is due not only to the properties of the nervous system and temperament, but also to the developmental conditions that give uniqueness to age-related manifestations common to all. However, at any age, starting from 3-4 years, for a child the importance of contacts with friends is invaluable. Therefore it is Parents must take responsibility and take active action if the child:

. complains about the lack of friends and the reluctance of peers to communicate with him;

Reluctantly goes or rejoices at any opportunity not to go to kindergarten, school or club;

Doesn't say anything about classmates or friends he met, for example, on the street or in the sports section;

Doesn’t want to call anyone, invite them to visit, or no one calls him or invites him to his place;

He spends all day alone doing something at home (reading, playing computer games, watching TV, etc.).

Before intervening in the situation and helping the child solve the problem, parents should as soon as possible understand the causes of this disharmony. Psychologists have long noticed that the better a child’s relationship with his parents, the easier it is for him to find a common language with his peers. Therefore, violations in the sphere of family education often have a negative impact on the child’s ability to establish friendly contacts. Excessive guardianship of children by parents, forced restriction of a child’s communication with other children, a ban on inviting friends into the house, lack of conditions for the child’s self-affirmation and denial of his right to act independently can lead to psychological unpreparedness to communicate with peers.

A child may also have problems making friends due to personal (increased emotionality, isolation and shyness) and external characteristics (excessive obesity, unpleasant facial features, developmental differences). And since the children's group is a rather cruel community, those who are unable to fit into the group are mercilessly expelled.

The reason that a child cannot find a friend or maintain a relationship with him is often associated with the fact that modern children often play alone and often with a computer. As a result, both boys and girls do not know simple ways to get to know each other, cannot show complicity and empathy, or express support for their friend, which, together with the “inability” to speak with peers in their language, leads to the child’s rejection from his peers. Further, due to dissatisfaction in communication, he becomes aggressive, he can hide his problems under bravado or buffoonery, or withdraw into himself and become depressed.

It should be noted that the child and his parents are not always to blame for the fact that certain children cannot find a friend in a new team. Sometimes the mechanisms of mutual likes and dislikes, which are still little studied by psychologists, work. So, some children are extremely attractive to their peers, while others, no worse than them, are not. Some experts suggest that selectivity is based on the ability of sought-after children to maximally satisfy the social needs of their peers.

Having determined the cause of the problem, you need to calmly and unobtrusively begin to correct the situation, adhering to the following rules:

1. Give the child the opportunity to communicate with friends and his peers. For example, get people interested in activities in clubs or sections, go to visit families where there are children, invite neighbors and peers home, organize children's parties.

2. Provide children with the opportunity to act independently, show initiative and their abilities.

3. Help the child make peace with his friends and strive to learn as much as possible about them.

4. Try to spend quality time with the child, for example, play, have fun, play pranks, as if “on an equal footing.”

5. Teach your child to openly and calmly express his own opinion, prove it without raising his voice, without hysterics or offense.

Initially, a child who is upset and faced with something unfamiliar, unexpected and frightening due to the lack of friends should be given emotional support. Often, each parent does what he can, because no one has the ideal solution. The most important thing is that in a difficult situation something will be said and often it doesn’t really matter what words they are. For a child, the main thing is that the words are spoken, his “sadness” speaks and moves from the category of “tragedy” to a less painful level.

It is important for a son or daughter of any age to feel that a loving adult is ready to listen to him, recognizes him as a trustworthy person, shares his grief, is ready to help and support. “I see that you are sad (angry, afraid, offended). It’s really a shame when the guys don’t take part in the game (hearing ridicule, always being alone at recess, etc.) You would like your relationship with the guys in the class to be different.”

The variants of words that parents pronounce may be different. But there are basic points that children need to hear. Firstly, if a friend “doesn’t hang out” with him/her, this does not mean at all that he/she is not worthy of love. Secondly, no matter what he/she is, it is impossible to be loved by everyone without exception. Thirdly, he/she also accepts someone as a friend and ignores someone. Fourth, joint analysis of possible causes of the conflict. Perhaps he/she reminds his friend of someone he/she doesn't like, or he/she did something without meaning to that the friend didn't like. And finally, it is important to make it clear to the child that in any case, the light did not fall like a wedge on this friend. It is worth thinking with your son or daughter about who he/she could count on in his/her class, who could become a new friend and where to find him/her.

In addition to providing support to a child who finds himself in a difficult situation, close attention must be paid to the system of relationships between adult family members, as well as to the practiced methods of education. Most parents today live too stressful a life, and they simply do not have the strength to communicate normally with their child. They are required to cope well with all their many responsibilities: this includes family, career, and much more. Therefore, many parents do not have the energy, patience and desire to do everything that is required. And when something is missing, that “something” almost always turns out to be family life.

At the same time, the main thing is the right direction of education. Children need live communication with their parents, since it is during direct contact that a son or daughter gains self-confidence, forms their own identity and life values. So, by devoting 10 minutes in the morning and one hour in the evening to confidential communication, you can get a miracle. Spending leisure time together is also important, because growing children are more oriented toward behavior than words. Therefore, among the memories of adults about the happiest moments of childhood, mostly moments of close proximity with parents are mentioned, for example, during a family trip or a ski trip to the forest. And rarely does anyone remember the gifts and privileges that were received.

It is also important to calm down and stop overly caring and worrying about the child, unquestioningly fulfill any of his wishes and agree with the rules of the game proposed by him. This style of relationship will allow children to learn to solve many problems on their own, cope with their own selfishness and play together with other boys and girls under someone else's guidance.

It will help the child to establish relationships with other children and systematic receptions at the home of parents’ friends, conversations with the son or daughter on various topics. For example, conversations about childhood friends of mom and dad: how they met, how they were friends, what they played, what pranks they committed, and even how they quarreled and made up. Thanks to such stories, you can show your child without moralizing that being friends is great. A useful lesson for children will be the interested attitude of parents towards their friends and girlfriends. To do this, you need to start conversations with your son or daughter more often about his comrades, express a positive attitude towards them, for example: “How is your friend Andrey? He is so kind and cheerful (or smart and quick-witted, loyal and reliable, honest and attentive)!”

When changing parental settings, you should work with the child in parallel. The preschool period is especially important for acquiring dating skills and maintaining friendships. Young children, especially shy ones, should be taught to make acquaintances with the help of their favorite toys. So, a bunny (played by a child) is sitting in the sandbox, and a bear (one of the parents plays his role) wants to meet him. Thus, you can play out options for behavior during acquaintance: how to approach, what and how to say, depending on the situation. Moreover, roles should be changed, constantly complicating and modifying the conditions, for example, the child you are trying to get to know refused, got offended, got angry, started to fight, etc. With the help of toys, you can also teach your child how to behave correctly in a given situation (you want to ride on a swing, but the other child won’t let you), and correct some difficulties in his behavior.

With preschoolers, it is also appropriate to recall situations from your favorite animated films. So, Tiny the Raccoon was helped to make friends with “the one who was sitting in the pond” by his smile (the cartoon “Little Raccoon” based on the fairy tale by Lillian Moore), and the best friend turned out to be not the one who was the most, but the one who came to the rescue in trouble (cartoon “The Greatest Friend” based on the fairy tale by Sofia Prokofieva). The stories of V. Suteev, for example “The Bag of Apples”, stories about Crocodile Gena, Pinocchio, etc. can also be instructive.

An authoritative adult can help a 3-6 year old child, even one who does not know how to communicate, enter the company of children. Preschoolers automatically determine even the teacher’s veiled hostility or sympathy for a particular child. Therefore, by showing a certain disposition and favor to the rejected child, you can introduce him to the play group. The task of adults during this period is to teach the child: a) respect the interests of others, for example, asking permission from the owner of a toy before taking it; b) refuse someone you don’t want to be friends with; c) achieve friendship without “bribing” the desired comrade.

It is important for every parent to know that it is never too late to try to change the negative perception of their son or daughter by their peers. Adult family members can help younger schoolchildren and teenagers raise their status in the eyes of their peers, if there are:

. provide children with the opportunity to play or socialize or celebrate something at home (with the condition that the room or apartment will be cleaned afterwards);

Give your son or daughter, for example, a few extra candies for school friends;

Together with your child, make small gifts for friends on the eve of the holidays (New Year, February 23, March 8);

Strive to unexpectedly change the child’s living conditions and social circle as little as possible.

Special skill is required for mothers and fathers when problems with friendly contacts arise in their children in adolescence. Often in this situation, friendships and love relationships are intertwined, and parents are “between a rock and a hard place,” playing a contradictory role. On the one hand, they must take the position of a calm outside observer, and on the other, open to contact, ready to actively listen to them at any time of the day.

To summarize, we note that, despite the statements of some researchers about the superficiality of friendly relations in modern society, about the absence of ideal and deep friendship, about the displacement of real friendly communication by wide groups of friends based on shared entertainment, the presence of true friends is still important for children and adults. True, if earlier communication between peers developed as if by itself and did not require the intervention of an adult, today children need to be specially taught. But the main thing is to start by teaching your child to be a loyal and reliable friend.