How do you know if you are a good person or a bad person? A conversation with him is like a one-way street.

Good friends, as you know, are more valuable than gold. This is especially well known to those who were once unlucky and who know first-hand what it’s like to have a bad girlfriend.

She can betray you at any moment, regularly becomes a source of problems, is a hypocrite and reveals your secrets to strangers? I suggest you familiarize yourself with the typical signs of bad girlfriends in order to stay away from them.

When to be wary

1. If you can't rely on her

A friend who ruins your plans with enviable regularity and lets you down can hardly be considered good. It’s worth getting rid of such a friendship, and the sooner the better, before it does much harm. However, do not think that all people are the same and that no one can be trusted. Communicate more, and perhaps soon you will have a truly true friend.

2. If she gossips about you

One of my classmates really liked to discuss our other mutual friends (naturally, in an unkind way) when they were not around. At the same time, when communicating with them personally, she was always very nice and friendly. Therefore, I couldn’t shake the feeling that behind my back she was saying a lot of bad things – already about me. In principle, this is how it turned out. Fortunately, I saw through it before I had time to tell him something really important and personal. So, if a person loves gossip, it is better to immediately limit communication with him.

3. If she flirts with your ex.

A friend who strives for a relationship with your ex-boyfriend, thereby humiliating you, is also far from a good friend.

4. If she manipulates you

A girl who constantly forces you to do what she wants, to go where she wants and spend time in ways that are interesting only to her, also simply cannot be a true friend.

5. If she doesn't support you

Another telltale sign of a bad friend is that she only calls you when she's feeling bad. When you need help, her phone number turns out to be unreachable, or she doesn’t have time for you.

6. If she's lying

Perhaps your friend is telling lies not to you, but, for example, to her parents, teachers, or other mutual acquaintances. But be prepared that she will lie to you too if it benefits her.

7. If she hurts you

Suppose you found the perfect dream job, and a friend said that this was not your merit at all, but that you were just lucky - this is a sign of obvious envy. A true friend will not do this, but on the contrary, she will only rejoice at your successes.
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During her short life, Marilyn Monroe managed to learn a lot about those people who smile in their faces, but hold a heavy cobblestone behind their backs. She was beautiful, a gifted actress and model, and she was met with adoration from fans every time she set foot. Many men idolized her, women copied her style. In life, she was far from the on-screen image of the “dumb blonde.” They say that Marilyn Monroe's IQ exceeded 160 points. The film star was completely intolerant of everyone who considered her a fool, and in no time she could see through the intentions of the manipulator. Today we are not talking about the dream of millions of men of the twentieth century. It's about each of us. After all, we can all become potential victims of a calculating manipulator who has put on the mask of a good person.

On the manipulator's face is an impenetrable mask of goodness

He always smiles and speaks to you in a sweet and insinuating voice. This step is a deliberate attempt to confuse the interlocutor's vigilance, charm and stupefy. Unfortunately, manipulators too often achieve their goal, because there are so many trusting and kind people around. Resisting them, on the one hand, is difficult, but, on the other hand, simple. Do not succumb to provocations and tricks, watch everything that is happening around you. Do not hesitate, and if necessary, take decisive action. Next, we will discuss 5 common signs of a typical manipulator. Who is he, a “good man” with diabolical intentions?

Conversations with him are like a one-way street.

This is not surprising, but people who pretend to be good are used to dominating the discussion. They don't let you get a word in, continuing to stick to their line. This is also the case with ordinary people who lack active listening skills. However, manipulators do this consciously, and one nuance will help you figure them out: when your interlocutor realizes that you are a tough nut to crack, he suddenly changes tactics. You were able to resist him and did not silently nod your head. The manipulator realized that the previous method did not work and moved on to a new sabotage. Now he began to feel an inexplicable interest in your life. Make no mistake, as this mysterious behavior will not last long. Very soon, a selfish and insidious interlocutor will redirect your attention to himself.

He makes demands again

Another unconditional talent of a manipulator is the ability to besiege another person with demands. Before you is an individualistic personality in its strongest manifestation, who will constantly voice his requests and demands. This is not always done explicitly or persistently; the manipulator likes to change tactics. If today he is tough, tomorrow he will try to convince you of something with the help of hints or in a veiled form. And all this is aimed at achieving the cherished goal. Why does this person keep making demands? Because this way he feels like the master of the situation and strokes his ego. However, he does not take into account one detail: his intentions are too clearly visible to others. Don't be fooled, be adamant in refusing to play by the manipulator's rules.

He uses persuasion

The third feature on this list flows smoothly from the previous one. These signs are related to each other by a dialogical maneuver - the favorite technique of a “good person”. If in the previous case the manipulator besieged the potential victim with requests, then here he reaches a new level, successfully using persuasion tactics. Be careful, because even if the hypocrite has not yet mastered this technique, he thinks that you are in his pocket. Persuasion in tandem with pressure can be a powerful and dangerous weapon, especially when an inexperienced victim gets in the way. If you are one of those who are pathologically afraid of saying “no” to other people, then the manipulator has also found his client in you. Even if you don't plan to surrender to the mercy of the winner, you will do it because you don't have enough courage. How to cope if you are besieged by an insidious and calculating schemer? Use common sense and a win-win countermeasure - the ability to say “no” in a tough manner.

They use forced eye contact

For many of us, an open gaze is a sign of trust. We are used to associating this gesture with an open, friendly person who has nothing to hide. Many hypocrites who pretend to be good are well aware of this psychological trick, so they will try to confuse you. They will try to stare at you with an unpleasant, prickly gaze for so long that you can guess their hidden purpose. As you might expect, they use our interpretation of body language to their advantage, but they do so in a clumsy, arrogant, and unnatural manner. They took this friendly psychological effect, but added negative traits to it. Stay away from a person whose prickly gaze is layered with other eccentric behavior traits. Listen to your inner voice and logic.

You feel bad after communicating with this person

There are signs that cannot be determined visually. They are located on a different plane, at the level of instincts. For example, when you are dealing with a “good person” and do not see any flaws in his behavior, but somewhere deep inside you feel some kind of catch.

Trust your sixth sense. Manipulators exude a special aura. They emanate a certain confusion and mystery. These people are incomprehensible, impossible to read like an open book. The culprit is their innate ability to disrupt the normal way of thinking. However, ordinary people can easily identify a manipulator; they just have to listen to their state after communicating with him. If you feel confusion, anger, disappointment, misunderstanding, if you have a headache or any other negative sensations, stop communicating with this person.

" It talks about a world in which no one could lie. One day, something broke in the brain of one inhabitant of this world, and he uttered his first lie. In order not to spoil the impression of the film, I will not say further and I advise you to watch it to learn about how our world could look without lies.

And since in the real world there are more than enough lies and deceit, here are a few ways to deal with them and bring a person you don’t trust to light.

Observe a person in a critical situation

When a person has to act in a critical situation, he cannot dissemble or play. He does not have the ability to use masks, and he will most likely act as his instincts dictate.

People who have been offended by life most often take it out on the service staff. Waiters, cleaners, salespeople - they all get it. If a person whistles or snaps his fingers at the waiter, this is the first sign that your interlocutor is an idiot.

Watch your body language and intonation

It's not difficult to find. Liars can be recognized by several signs:

1. Pauses in conversation.
2. Averting your eyes when answering a question.
3. Changing the topic of conversation.
4. They make excuses even when you don’t reproach them.
5. Faces are often touched.

Of course, you shouldn’t overdo it and follow every gesture of your interlocutor. But sometimes this little cheat sheet helps clear things up.

Gossip about mutual friends

We love gossip to a greater or lesser extent. And, unfortunately, we often do not know the extent of them. By gossiping about mutual friends, you will see with your own eyes how much crap can come out of a seemingly good person.

Lend or borrow money

And although we have already said that this is the last thing you should think about, but by borrowing or lending money to a person, you can learn a lot of new things about him.

Go on a trip together

Extreme way. If you are already thinking about how to bring a person to clean water, then going on a trip with him is not the best idea. But after spending some time alone, you will see all his cockroaches.

Tell me a secret

Telling a secret will test a person's ability to keep secrets. If you don't trust him, you can tell him a trivial secret or a made-up secret, just to see if he will rush to retell it further.

Have there been situations in your life when you needed to understand what a person really is like? What did you do?

Have you visited a psychologist and have the feeling that your time and money were wasted? It’s not too late to turn back and find a real specialist in the field of healing human souls.

We turn to a psychologist in different situations: difficulties in our personal lives, difficulties with our careers, addiction, psychological trauma, a feeling that “something has gone wrong.” There is a wide range of problems, some seem easier, others more difficult. Professional psychological help is important in all of the above situations. It is important to timely assess the quality of the psychotherapist’s work and refuse his help if you feel something is wrong.

Ignore subjective emotions

You can make a first impression about a person in 10 seconds. One psychologist will seem too gloomy and taciturn to you, another - talkative and unceremonious. Some will remind you of your best friend, while others will remind you of your ex-boyfriend. All these factors are important because they allow you to make a judgment about the person you met for the first time. Please remember that opinions based on appearance and demeanor are subjective.

It is important to pay attention to all the details of the image, but they should not be made paramount. Remember that you can be deceived even if the psychotherapist seems like an empathetic soul with the best professional skills on earth. For now, everything just seems to you.

Why didn't you like the psychologist?

If you feel that the psychologist does not evoke positive emotions, ask yourself the question: why? Maybe he is bringing you closer to solving a protracted problem or saying something not entirely pleasant, but revealing the truth? Often clients who are subconsciously afraid of changes are late for sessions, find reasons to cancel them and begin to get irritated at the sight of a psychologist. If antipathy towards a psychologist is resistance prompted by your unconscious feeling, admit it and continue to work on yourself.

Check whether the psychologist complies with the code of ethics

The Code of Professional Ethics is familiar to every specialist in the field of psychology. What is included in this code? First of all, compliance with ethical standards. When you sign up for a consultation with a psychologist, you hope that he will solve your problems, and you are ready to entrust him with some of the facts of your own biography, which are not always unpleasant. You trust (or try to trust) and understand that your closeness will slow down the search for the right solution. In this role, the psychologist has a lot of power. It is important that he does not use it to an extent exceeding the permissible limit.

A psychologist should not manipulate you, incline you to this or that behavior, increase his own self-esteem at your expense, insist on personal meetings outside the office (of a friendly, let alone sexual nature), ask to advertise him or invite your friends and relatives to him.

Does it answer your questions?

To find out, ask them. What should you ask a psychologist? About his plans for further meetings and the method of psychotherapy. The professional will tell you (or answer questions) about which school they belong to and how often they plan to meet with you. He will clear up the fog about his chosen method: in meetings you can simply talk or work with tools (sand, paints, pencils). The psychologist will answer the question of whether he belongs to any community and calmly talk about his education and practice. If a specialist hides information about himself, you should be wary and find out the reason for this behavior.

How does he create a trusting atmosphere?

If you observe familiarity, pretentiousness, or stilted behavior while establishing a professional relationship, be on guard. You should not be the therapist's friend, associate, or sexual interest. He should not call you at home or make appointments outside of his professional office. Also, a psychologist should not increase his own importance in your eyes by using complex scientific vocabulary.

Trust must be established through punctuality, skillful communication, goodwill, listening, accepting your doubts, and being willing to get to the bottom of the problem. A professional will help you find contradictions in your behavior and skillfully use them to explain that these patterns are not always useful - they can be replaced with more effective ones.

How accurately does the psychologist follow the general rules?

Payment, place, time and duration of meetings are agreed upon in advance. It is important that you are received in a comfortable office, and not in your own room, and especially not in your home. Meetings in a cafe or outdoors should immediately raise red flags. Payment ranges from $20-200 per session. In the capital, you can find exceptions regarding media psychologists known in wide circles.

The duration of the meeting should be no less than 40 minutes and no more than 1.5 hours. A true professional rarely suggests a certain number of sessions: he looks at the results and only then determines whether it makes sense to continue therapy. Try not to fall for the bait of deceivers offering a “course of 10 sessions.” Most likely, you are just a profitable client, and in front of you is a charlatan.

It is not easy to recognize the bad in an ordinary person. How come it’s not a bad person, but just a hard day? And in general, do bad people exist? Maybe it's all about our perverted understanding of things?

We leave the right to decide for each individual reader, we ourselves only take on the eternally thankless task of warning.

Mother is sacred

Someday listen to the object you are studying talking on the phone to his mother. You don’t even need to listen particularly closely to the words, listen to the intonations. Record hysterical screams, rudeness and similar things. Rest assured: one day you will have a chance to hear them addressed to you. Unless, of course, you stop communication earlier.

Present

We are, of course, talking about close friends with whom you have known for many years. You are interested in those who avoid giving gifts in every possible way. It doesn’t matter how - whether by missing a holiday party “due to illness,” “forgetting,” or something else. This is not at all about the cost of what is given (in the most stressful times, you can build almost anything from improvised means), we are talking about a pathological inability to give. People who are unable to give are obviously excluded from the category of good people. At least until they learn this skill.

Who's to blame

The quickest way to understand who is in front of you is to count the number of people to blame in the stories he tells you. Was your ex-girlfriend a jerk? Did your parents offend you, ruining your nervous system? Did your friends set you up at the most difficult moment?

If in 90% of cases everyone is to blame except him, and in the remaining 10% - circumstances, you can safely begin to count the moments remaining until a wonderful situation in which you will be to blame.

Inconsistencies in the testimony

There is nothing more beautiful than a person with convictions. It’s only strange when these beliefs arise exclusively at “convenient” moments and on “necessary” occasions. Analyze the sequence of actions of a person with “convictions” for a discrepancy between words and deeds. And feel free to stop believing if the first disagrees with the second at the first inconvenient occasion.

Materialism is humanism

You can as zealously as you like mock the pseudoscientific concepts that brightly made-up older women use (“energy”, for example), but you still have to admit the obvious: sometimes people make you feel bad. Pay attention to which people make you feel especially bad. And then think about why this is so.