Jewish toast happy birthday. Jewish happy birthday greetings to a young man funny

Birthday and angel day both play a big role in human life. One gave us life, calling us into existence, the other showed us the path to a new life, I mean spiritual life, and, by giving us a name, distinguished us from other individuals. Today we are celebrating the day of the angel, revered and respected by everyone... To talk about the importance of this day for him would mean talking about what everyone has long known. So, isn’t it best to wish the birthday boy that this significant day in his life will be repeated many times in complete well-being and health?

I raise my glass to express my warm feeling, warmed by the drinks, to the hero of the evening - N. and congratulate him on his birthday. I wish you to be like light, live for two hundred years, sing songs and be blown away by love.
Let's ring out a loud "Hurray!" in his honor.

Dear sister, I congratulate you on a wonderful day when everyone looks at you with admiration. You are basking in the rays of happiness and fun.: Champagne is sparkling: friends and girlfriends toast in your honor. May this magical holiday state be with you always. I wish you health, success and fulfillment of your dreams!
For you, sister! Happy birthday!

Among all the wonderful qualities of our dear friend, I want to highlight one - this is the constant optimism with which he goes through life. Do you know what the word OPTIMISM stands for?
O - experienced,
P - excellent worker,
T - trembling,
And - sincere,
M is a dreamer,
And - and finally,
Z - wonderful,
M is a man!
Let's drink to the optimism of this wonderful man. Happy birthday to you!

In one mountain village there is such a legend: when a child is born, God kisses him. God will kiss the child on the mouth, and he will grow up to be a magnificent speaker. kisses your hands, you will grow up to be a jack of all trades. So let's drink to the birthday boy, because even God himself doesn't know where he kissed him.

Birthday is an annual gift given to a person to rejoice in the love and affection that close friends have for him. And so we resolutely declare that this event is valuable and dear to us. May the days of your life go long, and may your love and affection for us always be.
Long live the birthday boy.

The birth of a child is an important event in the family. A new person has appeared on earth, an heir, native blood, whose fate is in the hands of his parents and loved ones. And what he will become in the future largely depends on the parents, their intelligence, knowledge, and responsibility towards the child. Let us wish him to inherit the wonderful qualities of his father and mother.
For the happiness of parents!

Today is your birthday,
Your friends have gathered here,
And, while carrying out an errand,
I will congratulate you on their behalf.
Lead your team
You've been good for years
Your decisions are fair
We bring income to the company.
You are always in creative flight,
For us, you are like a father.
We are ready to give to work,
Evenings and weekends.
I will say directly and without flattery:
We are behind you, like behind a wall.
For your birthday together
Let's have one!

The child is asked:
-Who do you love more, dad or mom?
“I won’t tell you,” the child answers and adds: “Otherwise dad will be offended!”
If they ask me: who do I love more in this family - the owner or the hostess? I won’t say it either, because not only the owner will be offended, but also my wife! But, since today is the mistress’s birthday, no one should be offended by our love for her! So, I propose to drink to the newborn!

One of the eastern sages said: “It is easy to make people know you, but it is difficult to truly know yourself.”
I want to wish my son to know himself. This will help him achieve the noble goal that he has set for himself. Happy birthday, son!

On this wonderful day, your birthday, please accept our tribute. Life is a slalom where you have to maneuver between various circumstances and conflicting interests, especially for business people like you.
We wish you reliable partners, eternal sponsors, favorable conditions and successful slalom!

N. is a beautiful, noble and sublime name, and it naturally leaves an imprint on the person who bears it. The hero of today's celebration has an abyss of spiritual nobility and other virtues. He always tries to treat others the way he would like them to treat him. I propose to drink to our N., to his beautiful heart and wish him long life!

One parable described by Kafka tells of a man who stood in front of an open gate and did not dare to enter it, because the stern guards stood silent near it. The man thought that the soldiers would not let him through. Time passed and the gates closed. Then one of the guards said to the man:
- Oddball, these gates were opened especially for you, and we had to let you through only.
So let's drink so that the hero of our occasion will not be afraid to enter his gates and never miss his chance!

God sends some into the world to suffer, some to boredom, some to a drab existence, and some to the joy of everyone. The latter includes our dear birthday boy N.! Charm and talent always sparkle around him. With him it becomes clear that life is much more interesting than you usually think about it. So let’s drink to you, dear N. So that you always glow with joy!

One Chinese philosopher said:
“A dream is not something that already exists, but also not something that cannot exist. It’s like on earth - there is no road, but people will pass by and pave the way.”
So let's drink to the birthday boy to pave his own unique road on earth - the road of his dreams!

Happy Birthday! We wish you everything that is included in this small but beautiful word - Happiness:
The sun is the brightest,
Health - the strongest,
Smiles are the happiest,
Love is the most faithful,
Friendship - the most devoted.

Let us ask ourselves: what is a real woman? A real woman is one who knows how to preserve her husband's love for the rest of her life, and this means a lot - a loving wife, a wonderful person, a good housewife, a caring mother. I raise a glass to the hero of today's occasion, dear N.!

There is an old New Year's custom: how you greet it is how you spend it. For the birthday boy, a new year of his life begins today.
Let it be as fun as today's holiday.

Dear hero of the day! As the American writer Edward Bok wrote: “A person’s real life begins at fifty years of age. During these years, a person masters what true achievements are based on, acquires what can be given to others, learns what can be taught, clears what can be build". I propose to raise our glasses to the real life that dear N. is entering today!

So that your desires are overwhelmed by your possibilities!

German philosopher of the 18th century. Georg Christopher Lichtenberg said: “It is the duty of every wise man to see the shoemaker as a king, to give everyone his due according to his deserts, and to appreciate the greatness of soul, talent and ability not only by noisy effects.” I propose to raise our glasses so that the hero of today’s celebration will always be such a sage, and then, as today, he will have many true friends and more and more success!

Why is birthday only once a year? Because we have to prepare all year to congratulate you to the fullest.
Congratulations!

“The whole world is kin to the magnanimous,” says the proverb. And it's true. This is proven by the number of friends who came to wish my husband a happy birthday.
I know that he loves and appreciates his friends very much. And on this holiday I would like to wish my husband... I wanted to say health, but he is “chronically healthy”... Money, but he has enough of it... Happiness, but with such a wife, forgive me for my indiscretion, happiness he has... And I wish him to remain as cheerful, as charming, as a jokester, generous, kind, as he always was and thanks to which he acquired so many wonderful friends! For my husband! Hooray!

Happy Birthday! We wish you happiness, health, bread, salt, sugar, matches, soap, champagne!

I propose a toast to the six H's! For our beloved, unique, extraordinary, irresistible, incomparable, necessary N.! All the best to her in life! Happy birthday!

Dear daughter, you always said that you wished you had a character like me, your father. I want to confess to you that I have a bad character, and I need to show a lot of willpower to curb it. I believe that your kind, gentle, feminine character is your “capital”, with which it will be easier for you to go through life. For, as the Japanese proverb says: “The apparent softness of dignity hides a thousand possibilities.”
I want to wish you to take advantage of these opportunities and achieve your dreams! For you, my daughter!

The baby, who had barely had time to be born, had already become the object of universal attraction, the idol of the family. This means that he will not be deprived of parental affection and his life will flow in a normal human direction. We wish the newborn to be as charming, handsome and cheerful as his mother, smart and kind as his father!

Sorry, I'm late! I hope that during the time that I was gone, no one had time to wish you that every day of yours would be a holiday for which you would not be late, like me!

In the first part of the toast, I will explain what I like about N. Any value judgment involves choosing a set of evaluation criteria and combining them into a general judgment. If we take as criteria spirituality, cheerfulness, energy, obsession, in other words, everything from which the wine of life flows, then N. has all this in bulk, and I bow to him. In the second part of the toast, I express my feelings in poetic form. N. - lovely, sweet flower; a glass of sparkling champagne, a local whirlwind of vitality and an unusual aspect of beauty. For the heroine of the occasion! Hooray!

Don't drink water if you can drink wine!
Don't drink wine if you can drink good wine!
Don't drink good wine when you can drink very good wine!
And most importantly, don’t forget to drink so that you always have money for something better!

An ancient sage advised getting married. He said: “If you’re lucky, you’ll become happy; if you’re unlucky, you’ll become a philosopher...”. I was lucky, I did not become a philosopher, but I have happiness thanks to my beloved wife, who supports and inspires me. What else does a man need?!
Darling, I want to wish you eternal beauty. This will not be difficult for you, because, I will tell the guests a secret, you are friends with the goddess of love Aphrodite. And a woman’s beauty is half of her health. I wish you a second half and you will be immortal. Thank you for your kindness. Living next to you is wonderful. So, take a moment... Happy birthday, dear!

You will live up to two hundred years, and we will be witnesses!

Dear birthday boy! Today in life you are crossing the threshold beyond which adulthood begins, the age of a young man. In this regard, I want to express my parting words to you in verse:
If you have a chance, show diligence in your work,
No matter what happens, do not give up on your goal.
After all, that's the only thing you'll get,
What you will gain through diligence and struggle.

One day a poet came to the Roman emperor and began to complain about poverty. The emperor listened to him and replied:
“Homer was much poorer than you, but how many people did he feed with spiritual food?”
Today we can also say about our dear (name): how many he fed with spiritual food! So let's raise a glass to his health and great talent!

Let us ask ourselves: what is a real woman? A real woman is one who knows how to preserve her husband's love for the rest of her life, and this means a lot - a loving wife, a wonderful person, a good housewife, a caring mother.
I raise a glass to the hero of today’s occasion, a real woman (name)!

One ancient manuscript says: “Four human traits lead to four consequences: stubbornness - to shame; hot temper - to repentance; backbiting - to enmity; laziness - to humiliation.”
Until now, these traits were unusual for your nature. So let's drink to the fact that they never appear!

We wish you unwavering health, a hundred years of life, a pack of shares, a new car, good luck, a dacha and money to boot!

What could be the best wish?
This is, first of all, a wish for health of soul and body, a wish that love always blooms in the heart and celebration sounds.
So let's raise our glasses and wish all this to our birthday boy!

Gentlemen, let's drink to the birthday boy! As they say... we don’t care what we drink for, but he’s pleased!

A correspondent arrives at the collective farm and sees the following scene: old people sitting on a rubble in deep thought.
- What are you thinking about? - he asks them.
“We can’t solve one problem,” they answer. - When a child is born, God comes down to earth and kisses the baby. If he kisses on the forehead, he will become a scientist, if on the lips - a singer, if on the hands - an artist, if on the feet - a dancer... So we sit and think, where did God kiss our chairman?
Where God kissed our birthday boy is clear, in my opinion, to everyone. Just in case, I remind you: he has three children! So, here's to the birthday boy!

Some stupid people have a kind of visual defect - they see only flaws in people and do not pay attention to their merits. So, the hero of today’s celebration has the opposite gift: she sees only the good in people and that’s why she loves us all so much, and we love her. I suggest filling your glasses and drinking to this wonderful quality of (name) - seeing the best in people, elevating and loving them!

Happy Birthday! We wish you everything that is included in this small but beautiful word - happiness:
The sun is the brightest,
Health - the strongest,
Smiles are the happiest,
Love is the most faithful,
Friendship - the most devoted.

There was a period in our history when we all fought for the release of Luis Corvalan. A wave of rallies and meetings in his support swept across the country. At one of these events, the leading milkmaid was given the floor.
- Dear comrades! - she said. - I don't know who Chili is. I don't know who the junta is. But if these prostitutes don’t let Luis go to the carnival, then we won’t go to milking anymore!!!
Dear hostess! We don't know what kind of company your husband works for. We don't know what kind of boss he has. But if these prostitutes continue to delay my husband at work, then we will leave without waiting for him!

American poet Robert Frost said:
“It’s very annoying when a wife knows how to cook, but doesn’t cook; however, it’s even worse if a wife doesn’t know how to cook, but wants to.”
But the best thing is when a woman knows how to cook, wants to cook and cooks like our birthday girl!!! I invite everyone to raise their glasses and drink to her health!

So let's drink to the birthday boy, thanks to whom such wonderful people like us have gathered!!!

There was such a joke in the 70s. A man comes to a car store.
“I would like to sign up for a car,” he says.
- Please, we have a record exactly ten years in advance, day after day.
“Excuse me, but for what half of the day,” he clarifies, “in the morning or in the evening?”
- Do you care? This will happen in ten years!
- The fact is that in the morning... I already called a plumber!
I wish the birthday boy to live to be a hundred years old! I want to be present at this anniversary and at the same time I inform you that the evening of that distant day is completely free for me! For the birthday boy!

Looking back at your age, remember - sex is not the main thing in our lives...
There are cases when people went without it for hours!!!

The governor arrived at the Jewish community. He meets the parishioners and asks the rabbi:
- Tell me, Mr. Rabbi, were any great people born in your city? The rabbi thought:
- No, Your Grace... I have been serving here as a rabbi for thirty years, and all this time only... small children have been born!
We have gathered today on the occasion of the birth of our first child. Let's wish him to become a great man! Let my words come true!

Preparation of moonshine and alcohol for personal use
absolutely legal!

After the collapse of the USSR, the new government stopped the fight against moonshine. Criminal liability and fines were abolished, and the article banning the production of alcohol-containing products at home was removed from the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation. To this day, there is not a single law that prohibits you and me from engaging in our favorite hobby - preparing alcohol at home. This is evidenced by the Federal Law of July 8, 1999 No. 143-FZ “On the administrative liability of legal entities (organizations) and individual entrepreneurs for offenses in the field of production and circulation of ethyl alcohol, alcoholic and alcohol-containing products” (Collected Legislation of the Russian Federation, 1999, No. 28 , Art. 3476).

Extract from the Federal Law of the Russian Federation:

“The effect of this Federal Law does not apply to the activities of citizens (individuals) producing products containing ethyl alcohol for purposes other than sale.”

Moonshining in other countries:

In Kazakhstan in accordance with the Code of the Republic of Kazakhstan on Administrative Offenses dated January 30, 2001 N 155, the following liability is provided. Thus, according to Article 335 “Manufacture and sale of home-made alcoholic beverages”, illegal production of moonshine, chacha, mulberry vodka, mash and other alcoholic beverages for the purpose of sale, as well as the sale of these alcoholic beverages, entails a fine in the amount of thirty monthly calculation indices with confiscation of alcoholic beverages , apparatus, raw materials and equipment for their manufacture, as well as money and other valuables received from their sale. However, the law does not prohibit the preparation of alcohol for personal use.

In Ukraine and Belarus things are different. Articles No. 176 and No. 177 of the Code of Ukraine on Administrative Offenses provide for the imposition of fines in the amount of three to ten tax-free minimum wages for the production and storage of moonshine without the purpose of sale, for the storage of devices* for its production without the purpose of sale.

Article 12.43 repeats this information almost word for word. “Production or acquisition of strong alcoholic beverages (moonshine), semi-finished products for their production (mash), storage of apparatus for their production” in the Code of the Republic of Belarus on Administrative Offenses. Clause No. 1 states: “The production by individuals of strong alcoholic drinks (moonshine), semi-finished products for their production (mash), as well as the storage of devices* used for their production, will entail a warning or a fine of up to five basic units with confiscation of the specified drinks, semi-finished products and devices."

*You can still purchase moonshine stills for home use, since their second purpose is to distill water and obtain components for natural cosmetics and perfumes.

Famous but funny

* * *

A young man was swimming in the sea and lost his swimming trunks. I dived and dived and instead of swimming trunks I took out a saucepan. He covered himself with this pan and went ashore. An unfamiliar girl was sitting near his clothes, reading a book and not about to leave. The young man (obviously not undergone psychological training) decided to start a conversation and hint to the girl to move away from his clothes. And the following dialogue took place between them.

- Girl, what are you reading?

- Logic.

– What is logic?

– Logic is a science that teaches you to guess other people’s thoughts.

– What am I thinking about now?

-You think your pan has a bottom. The guy gasped, his hands dropped. But the pan did not fall.

So let's drink to the strength that held the pan!

* * *

Khan ordered a portrait from the artist. And the khan was crooked in one eye and lame. The artist painted it without these defects. Khan was angry that the artist deviated from the truth. The punishment is death. The second artist, taking into account the mistake of the first, drew the khan as he is. Khan was again unhappy. “I am a warrior, and you portrayed me as a cripple!” And he executed the artist. The third artist painted the khan hunting. His short leg stood on a stump, he aimed at the deer, squinting his missing eye. Khan was pleased and richly rewarded the artist. So let's drink to telling your boss half-truths, but making them look like the truth!

And now two toasts that will clearly be different from all the others, and you will be noticed

* * *

First toast. Say it in a company where you are visiting for the first time, for example after a conference. Wait until you are asked to make a toast, and try not to speak during the feast. When they have already drunk to friendship, love, women, men, after they wish to meet again on this earth with the same composition, you rise and say:

“I want to make a selfish toast (after these words everyone immediately falls silent). Each person has his own social atom - these are people with whom he has warm emotional relationships. If something happens to the people whom I included in my social atom, my social death occurs, and this is much worse than physical death. I felt so warm with you that I included you all in my social atom.

I wish you health and long life!”

* * *

The second toast is appropriate in the company of friends. I said it at my friend’s birthday party and, of course, I tried to do it at the end, since the first and last are best remembered. It’s hard to be first, but after all the praise, it’s easier to be last. I want to note that I would like you to have such a friend. And this book was written largely thanks to his support. But let's move on to the toast.

“I don’t understand what good you found in him! Look at him - fat, bald (naturally, we criticize him for his virtues - he’s just thick-set, and his receding hairline is barely visible), and harmful - you can’t imagine anything worse. Don't be outraged! I have the facts! Why did you put a brick in my bag and I carried it for a whole week? True, I also made you walk somewhere! Why are you defending him? Don’t you remember how on the first of April he sent the psychiatric ambulance team on you?

So for a few more minutes, amid general laughter, I remembered all his friendly pranks and jokes, as well as how they made fun of him. And he ended with the following words:

“Even though you are harmful, I love you and wish you many years of a happy life!”

Joke about Jews
5
Chaim married Dora, but after a while he began to hang around her younger sister Tsili. His father-in-law Abram reprimands him:
- Chaim, how are you behaving?
- But, Abram Moiseevich, if, God forbid, it were not said in front of him that Dora would have died, would you have allowed me to marry Tsila?
- Of course, that’s what our custom dictates.
- Well, are you still sorry that Dora is still alive?

A very rich Odessa dentist, Rabinovich, emigrates to America.
Since it is not possible to take all his fortune abroad, he sold all his property and made himself five pairs of precious dentures. The cost of these prosthetics far exceeds the legal limit that can be carried through US Customs.
He arrived safely in New York and, when a customs officer asked him why he needed five pairs of false teeth, Rabinovich explains:
- Jews who keep kosher keep two sets of dishes: one for meat, the other for dairy. I am so religious that I also keep two pairs of teeth: for meat food and for dairy food.
The customs officer was slightly surprised, but said:
- O"key! For this you need two pairs of teeth. How about three more pairs in your suitcase?

An Odessa woman of Balzac's age says to another:
- I’m really upset for today’s youth! Where is the world going?! I don’t even know where to start... Well, you know, Borya came to us from Zhitomir yesterday. Our cousin's nephew. I tried so hard to assemble the table, and I finally prepared his favorite mincemeat! I set the table, Rose, there was something to see! They ate with my Abrash and drank. Rose, you know my Abrash. When it comes to drinking, he still doesn’t know how to stop himself. Dinner was over, we all went to bed, but Abrasha actually fell asleep! That's it, it's quiet at home, we're all sleeping! Through Abrasha’s snoring I hear Borya tossing and turning on the sofa in the next room. Everything is tossing and turning. I started tossing and turning too. And, can you imagine, here I hear this sick young man Borya timidly asking:
- Aunt Sarah, can I?
No, of course, at first I thought, how is this possible? After all, here my Abrash is snoring next to me... And then, I think, Abrash won’t be able to lift a locomotive until the morning... And I say:
- Yes, Borya, you can! Just do everything quickly.
And he did! Rosette, if I tell you what he did, at first you won’t believe your ears, and then you’ll faint! This potsmontek got up and gobbled up all the remaining forshmak!
Rabinovich explains:
- You see, very religious Jews also keep separate dishes for meat and dairy especially for Passover. I’m so religious that I keep a separate pair of teeth for this!
“Oh, you are really very strong in your faith if you so zealously observe all religious traditions,” said the customs officer. - However, let me ask you, what else is the fifth pair for?
Rabinovich looks around worriedly, motions to the customs officer to come closer, leans towards him and whispers:
- You know, to be honest, sometimes you really want to chew a piece of bacon...

210
A Jew comes to the rabbi:
- I already have ten children and a pregnant wife, I cannot feed such a crowd!
Rabbi:
- This can be helped. We open the wise book of the Talmud on page 2326 and read: “If a Jew has many children, his wife is pregnant, and he does not want them anymore, then he must cut off one egg.”
After a year:
- I cut off one egg, and my wife is pregnant again!
- We open the wise book of the Talmud on page 2327 and read: “If one egg is cut off from a Jew, and his wife is pregnant again, then he must cut off the second egg.”
Another year later:
- I cut off the second egg, and my wife is pregnant again!!!
- We open the wise book of the Talmud on page 2328 and read: “If both eggs of a Jew were cut off, and his wife is pregnant again, then the eggs of the wrong Jew were cut off!”

On Deribasovskaya:
Moishe, where are you running like this?
- I hasten to pay off my marital debt,
- So you live in the other direction!
- Oh, I can’t take it there anymore!

In Odessa, an apartment is opposite the windows of a hostel.
Conversation in it:
- Abram, and Abram, let's buy curtains!
- Why, Sarah?
- You see, opposite us are the rooms of young students. I'm afraid they might see me!
- Sarah, if they see you, they will buy curtains themselves!

260

Fathers decide what to do.
German:
- Hail Hitler!
One child stood up.
-This is mine!
Left.
The Russian took one child.
Jew:
- What makes you think it’s yours?

She gave birth to a German, Jewish, Russian woman. The children were mixed up.
Fathers decide what to do.
German:
- Hail Hitler!
One child stood up.
-This is mine!
Left. The Russian took one child.
Jew:
- What makes you think it’s yours?
- When the German shouted “Hai Hitler,” my fists clenched, and yours crap.

Syoma, you know that when you are not there, they say such things about you at Privoz!..
- Oh, I beg you! Tell them that when I’m not there, they can even beat me!

Old - old - old Odessa joke:
- Abram, your wife is a f*ck!
- And yours?
- Well, still...

Little Moishe comes home, approaches his mother, and says:
- Mom, mom, today at school I wrote in the “Nationality” column
I'm Russian!
- Son, what did you eat for lunch every day?
- Chicken
- Well, now you will eat potatoes, like all Russian children.
Moishe was upset and went to dad, thinking maybe dad would approve. Fits
to dad:
- Dad, dad, today I wrote in the “Nationality” column at school
I'm Russian!
- Son, what did you drive to school every day?
- By car dad!
- Well, now you will ride the tram, like all Russian children.
Moishe, completely upset, approaches his grandfather, in case he approves:
- Grandfather, grandfather, today I wrote in the “Nationality” column
I am Russian!
- Granddaughter, how much pocket money did you receive for school every day?
- steward grandfather!
- Well, now you will receive a ruble, like all Russian children
Moishe was completely upset and sat down with his family to have dinner. Everyone eats
chicken, winking at each other. Moisha eats potatoes. Mom is here
asks Moishe:
- Well, son, how do you want to be Russian?
- B%%%, I’ve only been a Russian for a couple of hours, and I already hate you Jews!!!

Abram and Sarah make love. Sarah says:
- So, Abramchik, forward, forward, a little to the left, and now back up sharply!
Abram:
- Sarochka, are we fucking or parking?

Abram, what do you think about building a synagogue in a prison? There are already churches and mosques there.
- Oh, Izya, don’t be ridiculous, if a Jew is in prison, then he’s not a Jew, let him go to church.

Abram returns from a business trip, enters the room, sees his wife and someone else under the blanket. The man gets up, gets dressed, and silently sneaks past Abram, leaves.
- Sarah, who is this?
- I don’t know, some kind of boor. Neither you - hello, nor me - goodbye.
sectionJokes » Jokes about Jews

Odessa. Bringing.
- How much is your mackerel? - asks in a sing-song voice, drawing out the words,
customer.
- Fifty hryvnia per kilogram.
- Expensive.
- If it’s expensive, then take off your dress, throw yourself at the sea and catch it yourself,
so it will be free for you.

Abram and Sarah are going to the wedding:
Sarah:
- Abram, how much did you put in the envelope?
- Wait, what, the envelope itself isn’t worth anything anymore?

A hamburger without a patty, ice without Coca-Cola, ketchup without potatoes. In other words - Jewish weeks at McDonald's.

This joke is somehow not very...
So, two men are walking along the river bank, looking - a Jew is sitting and fishing, one man says: “Let’s go up to him and ask: “Well, is he biting?” If he says yes, we’ll say, the Jews are lucky, and if not, then we’ll say: that’s what you, Jews, need!” They come up and ask:
- Well, is it biting?
- Go to your f***ing mother!
“Yes,” says one man, “look, even among the Jews there are decent people.”

The old Jew is having lunch. A knife flies out of his hands, but at a distance of 2 cm, Evay catches the knife, saying:
- Not a single bastard will come to me now.
The doorbell rings.
A little boy stands on the threshold:
-Are you Uncle Izya?
- Yes!?
- Uncle Moisha came to you and asked you to tell him that he was stuck in the elevator.

This joke is somehow not very...
A young man comes to the surgeon:
-Doctor, please castrate me.
-Why do you need this?
-Doctor, I decided for myself, don’t ask unnecessary questions.
-God, you’re so young, you still have
your whole life is ahead! Think carefully!
-No, doctor, don’t even try to convince me. The money for the operation has been transferred to your account, so be so kind!
The operation was successful. In the morning, the doctor, making a round, approaches the young man:
-How do you feel?
-Thank you very much, doctor! No pain.
-Well, at least now can you explain the motives for your action?
-You see, doctor, I'm going to marry a Jewish woman.
-So this is circumcision!!!?
-What did I ask??????????

Jewish camp. Behind the net stands a little Jewish girl, wearing a tattered T-shirt with a Star of David. The girl is all so thin and hungry. A fat German walks from the other side of the net, sees a girl, points his finger at her
- Jew, Jew!!!
Girl to him:
- No, damn @, Texas Ranger!!!))))

Hey, don't hit me, I'm not a Jew, I just look intelligent!!!

Dialogue of two Jews:
- Rabinovich for you 100 rubles.
Rabinovich turning:
- Where?

In a Jewish shtetl, gendarmes search houses for conscripts evading military service. Old man Rabinovich is nervous and asks his family to hide him in the cellar.
- What do you have to be afraid of, at your age? - his wife reassures him.
- Yes? And generals are no longer needed in the army?

A couple comes to the doctor. The doctor asks: - Well, what do you have?
Wife: - Yes, doctor, my husband suffers from premature ejaculation.
Husband: - Me? I'm not suffering! She is the one who suffers.