How to deal with the painful desire to gamble. About gambling - can it be stopped? player in the house what to do

Hello!
My name is Tosya, my eldest son is a gamer. He started betting on sports 3 years ago, but at the time it seemed like a harmless prank. Now he's 22, he plays every day, I lose everything the money he has. Worst of all, he began to steal money from the wallets of relatives and friends, to take valuable things from home. In light of all these events, a girl left him, turned away friends. Unfortunately, he himself does not admit that heavily addicted to gambling. I do not know how to help him, and most importantly, where to start the fight against this disease?

The first step on the road to recovery is acknowledging that there is a problem and that the person can't handle the problem on their own. This is the step you need to start looking for help. Contact support groups, anonymous gamers, for example, and a psychologist, and, if necessary, depending on the severity of the manifestations, a doctor.

Sincerely, psychologist,
Makarova Lola.

He is “an unlucky adventurer, a resident of a metropolis, unsuccessful in family life, dissatisfied with his professional and social status, he is 18-45 years old, nervous, influenced by other people, lives in a world of illusions, and experiences frequent and sharp mood swings, with shackles, prefers a conflicting way of clarifying relationships, prone to impulsive actions, ”and so on. Psychologists copied this portrait from a gamer, describing the typical features of someone who burns his life on slot machines.

The problem is becoming more serious and more widespread every day, families are looking for an answer to the question, how to help a loved one? Letters with cries of despair are increasingly coming to the editor: , , . The letter that served as the final impetus for the compilation of this material was posted on the Orthodox forum.

"People! Dear Orthodox! Help, I beg you... My husband is dying, my family is dying, and I am also dying... I don't know how to overcome the evil that has entered our lives.
My husband is a gamer with 20 years of experience. He's sick - really sick.
We got married two years ago for great love, and I still have no doubt - for real. And he has, and I had a bad experience before (I have one marriage, he has two). But we both accepted our feeling as a gift from God. Before the wedding, he told me about his addiction - because of it, he had already suffered enough: he lost his apartment, business, because of theft and unpaid debts he even went to prison. Unable to bear it, she fell ill and passed away.his mother. Michael took the meeting with me as a sign and hope for a new life. He even decided to be baptized before the wedding, and then we got married. However, almost before the wedding, he had a breakdown - he went to the casino and lost everything that was. Of course I was shocked, because before I have never encountered such a phenomenon as gambling addiction. But he swore that this was the last time. Well I believed .
Unfortunately, the hopes were not justified. During these two years, breakdowns occurred at intervals of once every 2 months. It was a nightmare. He lost his salary, borrowed and lost again, stole money from me ... He lost several jobs. We lived on my salary - which was not easy, because it was necessary to pay for a rented apartment, pay off his previous debts - according to a lawsuit. …
There was everything - both tears and anger, searching for it in the night ... Trying to find a solution, we tried a lot. He really wants to healb s s. He understands his illness and would like to relieveb s sfrom her. We have a clinic specializing in addictions, but the treatment requires money, which is not available. Yes, not particularly, and I believe that it will help.
One thing is clear to me – only God and himself can help him. Only by truly believing can he stop. And herein lies the rub. Before meeting me, Michael was an unbeliever. And during this time, I hope, I began to take some steps. And even after another breakdown, he spent 3 weeks in a monastery in Zhirovichi (we live in Minsk). I came from there with burning eyes, we began to pray in the morning and in the evening, to go to church more often. We met wonderful priests who helped with advice..
But ... Recently, again a breakdown, again losing everything, again losing a chance to get a job. And - his confession is that he played much more often - even when he brought some money, he still went to the casino. And the worst thing is his words that there is no true faith in him, and even being in a monastery he was burdened, and church life is not for him ... He, like many men, tries to comprehend God with his mind. And he himself admits that he needs a miracle. I don't believe this is serious. These are all the machinations of the enemy of the human race. But how to defeat his influence?!
I recently realized that I was probably playing into the hands of his sin by being around my husband. After all, he always knows that I will forgive him, he will have shelter, food, and that I will even pay off his debts .... And on occasion, you can take money in my wallet for the game! That's the worst thing ... And I asked him to leave, took the keys. But now I can’t find a place for myself - I’m tormented where he is and what’s wrong with him. Because he will die alone...
Everyone who knows even a little about our situation has been telling me for a long time to leave him and live my life before it's too late. But how to do it if I love him. He is my half, my married husband, and without him I have no life. Every day I pray for him at home, go to church and also ask him to give him admonition and strength...
Help! Someone, maybe, will tell you what to do... Stay with him, carry him like your own cross, or step aside so that he finally realizes the full horror of his situation...
At least pray for us, for Olga and Mikhail…”

We asked priest Igor Fomin, cleric of the Church of the Icon of the Mother of God of Kazan on Red Square, to comment on Olga’s letter:

Never play by someone else's rules

Unfortunately, this situation is standard, it occurs now very often.

I would like to start right away with the last lines of the letter. Olga asks for advice on what to do next. From the letter, I did not understand whether there are children in the family - they, of course, play a big role in making a decision, but we will assume that there are no children, since she did not talk about them. Husband loves Olga, tries to turn his love into action: play less often and spend money less often, falling into this addiction, succumbing to it. I think that Olga should stay if there are no children yet. If there are children, then this is a purely personal issue and, I think, it is not very correct to solve it on the Internet.

What can I say about Michael? His addiction is terrible. In Soviet times, we knew that drunkenness and alcoholism were terrible sins, vices, that smoking was the same drug. Then perestroika came, and we learned that, it turns out, there is also drug addiction with a set of different drugs: heroin, pills, and so on. With the active and stormy advent of democracy into our lives, we learned that there are even more terrible things - slot machines or, as they are also called, one-armed bandits. As a priest, I have had to deal with many of the terrible consequences of this addiction. Someone forgot from personal grief, thanks to the game, someone - and this is a more frequent case - had a passion - he wanted to be alone, and he spent time with a slot machine. Everyone became dependent on these one-armed bandits.

What happens to a person when he sits down at the machine? He is driven by passion, he is driven by discontent, and most importantly, distrust of God's providence. When a person does not trust the material state in which he resides, and he hopes to change it without difficulty in seconds. Often it is the search for material enrichment that puts people at the machine: they want to win or win back some debt.

Gambling is a terrible passion. When a person falls into addiction, he begins to pursue the thirst for enrichment and profit. What happens next? Very often he takes money that he stole from his wife or received from the sale of the apartment in which his children live, borrowed. Every person has a conscience. For some, it is more speaking, for others it is less, and the person understands that he is losing something. At first, the player seeks to win back the money, but then the excitement turns on, the player forgets that gambling does not lead to good, he also forgets what the Lord spoke about: “In the sweat of your face, you will get your bread.” A person, for the sake of quick profit, for the sake of an ephemeral material good, or in order to satisfy his momentary aspirations, desires, passion, in order to say: “I won. I'm on top", loses himself, becomes addicted.

For example, in a family someone begins to lead, he wants to be the first. Such a family will not last long, or rather, it can resist, but only if the other half turns out to be wise. But you will have to endure terrible vacillations, terrible times, the humiliation of another. In this situation, too, I would like to wish poor Olga, if she loves her husband, and love is always a sacrifice, to remain wise. And, if the husband is not aggressive, especially since if there are glimpses and hope that he will ever stop, then you have to stay. This is really a real illness and the husband is really very sick.

This disease is very difficult to cure. Maybe it's worth taking the player in a different direction? How are drug addicts treated? First they make alcoholics, then they are treated for alcoholism. Maybe here, too, there should be some kind of withdrawal of a person to another area, interest, excitement, to interest him in some creative deed, because excitement that is not related to money can also be directed in a positive direction. As a priest, I can advise a wonderful remedy, the best medicine is love.

I had a very interesting case in the parish, not common. One married couple lived together for five years. Then the husband began to drink: a lot - a little, but for fifteen years he drank every day. When the drunk himself came, when they brought him, when he crawled. Every day he drank And there was complete hopelessness. The children grew up, and the wife never once in all this time said that he was drinking, never threw a scandal at him, as if she did not notice that he was drinking. He freaked out because of this, was nervous, said that she did not love him, if she was silent, she would have thrown a scandal, she would have given a rolling pin on the head, she would have broken the bottle, but no. She says: “What should I say to him, drunk, he himself will not understand anything. And in the morning it becomes a pity. And what happened? He took and stopped drinking because his wife, let's say, humbly endured, endured. He understood everything. Haven't had a drink in a few years now. This example is not typical, but it perfectly shows how love can change something in a person's life. Each spouse can see how to help. Yes, sometimes you need to pour in a tub of cold water, sober up. And even when you are already with a rolling pin on your husband, you are, and this is very important, nearby. This is really important. A child gets sick, we do everything: we get up at night, measure the temperature, carry it on our arms, run to the pharmacy at night. And then a loved one fell ill. More time will pass, and he will understand that he hurts, he will see the eyes of suffering. When he finally sees what hurts, he will quickly pass that path that gets rid of it.

— Father, will not living together with him be an indulgence of the husband's sin?

- If we now painted life for every half an hour for the next 10 years, then, yes, we would indulge. But, since the wife is still alive and the husband is alive, one cannot speak of indulgence here. A wife needs to pray, she needs to ask the Lord for help, she needs to be near her husband, so that at the moment when his eyes sparkle, looking at the machine gun, she would take him to the cinema, for example, to wait there. Yes, just even be there so that he does not run away anywhere. There are moments that a different, close person will definitely feel and see. She will react at the right moment and tell him: "No, no, let's get out of here." After all, a dependent person has complete lack of will, such a “ram” must be taken aside. True, of course, if there is aggression, then it can be scary, the husband can get angry and even cripple ...

- How to behave at the moment when you see that your husband deliberately starts a quarrel and gets annoyed, just to seize the moment and run to play?

— Wisdom to include and meekness. Every woman has it. You have to endure. The wife sees that the aggression is not directed at her. He deliberately started a quarrel to get out of the house. Where is our Christian wisdom, where is our patience?

Remember, Christ sent the apostles to preach, and said: “In whatever house you enter, stay there. But if you are not received there, then go out and even shake the dust off your feet. This is evidence that the Apostles behave calmly, so that there is no irritation.

For example, you are annoyed and people turn to you with open hearts. Of course, you will sober up a little. There is such a law: "You can never play by someone else's rules." Don't go for it: you will always lose. We need to play differently, we need to play in a different way. Then everything will work out. We need to have a different conversation. Then there will be no irritation.

- Father, and if the player came to confession with repentance. What would you say, knowing that he will leave now and can go “there” again?

- If the player comes with repentance, then, naturally, I would rejoice with him. I'm not far-sighted, and I don't know if he's going to play or not. I would worry about him. We must pray for him. If he went to play, I would take him again. I should have gone with him - I would have gone with him. He went to the right place so that he would be ashamed. I don't think he would have entered the casino with me. I had such a case when a drug addict came to repentance and asked me to go home with him. He himself realized that he was addicted: “I will definitely find someone now,” he said - drug addicts see each other from afar. We walked with him, everything was fine, brought him home, handed him over to his parents. If you cannot help effectively, then even just listening to a person is sometimes enough.

— Is it possible to direct the passion for the game in another direction, for good?

- Can. Even necessary. Every sin is opposed to a virtue. After all, the evil one does not sit - for any virtue, he always comes up with passion. There is one very significant thing here - the player must want to improve. If this desire is there, everything else can be done. There will be no desire, there will be no fear of it - nothing will work out. God grant that our Olga succeeds in inspiring her husband with fear of the game ...

— Father Igor, is it possible to say that some people are more prone to gambling addiction?

- It seems to me that emotional people are more susceptible, and those who want to throw out their emotions, who are waiting for some kind of thrill. I think that those who have a very measured work are also susceptible: nothing happens at work. Here he is sitting in front of the monitor, the boss does not hit him on the head, everything is very quiet and calm with him, and an adrenaline rush is needed. In a word, from a physiological point of view, those who lack this in life are more susceptible to such dependence. And from a spiritual point of view, those who do not want to work in the field of Christ are subject.

Once my daughter and I walked around the New Athos Monastery and looked at the paintings. On the western wall are painted the Last Judgment, Gehenna, people with distorted faces, they are tormented.

- Who is this? the daughter asks.

- Those who did not want to be friends with God, communicate, talk. Those who fought against God. Who specifically did not notice Him. Who did not recognize Him, I answer.

She listens carefully.

“Aaah, these are those who only wanted a miracle!”

— Yes, these are people who lack a miracle. Those who do not want to work in the field of Christ.

— How susceptible is a believer who fasts to this disease? A number of psychologists argue that a Christian cannot become addicted to gambling.

— You know, I, in general, agree with psychologists that a believing person, who is sufficiently churched, has a certain set of rules that educate spiritually. He has will power. He not only has strength, not only will, but also willpower, which allows him to stop at some point, not only with slot machines, but also in any situation in everyday life. For example, fasting is training. A warrior must fight every day, and just like a Christian, he hardens himself with fasting to resist sin.

The game is a clear sin that creeps into your soul. Have you noticed that where there are slot machines in serious establishments - there are no windows so that people do not see the white light, everything must be artificial, and the light too. People should not see how day and night change. This is such a little trick that people don't pay attention to, but it's actually a very interesting point. A person cannot control himself, he cannot rely on any miracle of God, sober up. A believer is less affected by this addiction due to the fact that he is trained.

Prayer in Sorrow and Illness of St. Dimitry of Rostov

Save, Lord, and have mercy on Your servant (name) with the words of Your Divine Gospel, read about the salvation of your servant (name), Fall, Lord, the thorns of all his sins, and may Your grace dwell in him, scorching, cleansing, sanctifying every person in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

About getting rid of temptations

(St. Simeon the New Theologian)
Do not let me, Lord, Lord, temptation, or sorrow, or illness beyond my strength, but deliver them from them or grant me the strength to endure them with gratitude.

A cry (prayerful sigh) to the Mother of God

What to pray to You, what to ask of You? You see everything, you know Itself, look into my soul and give her what she needs. You, who have endured everything, overcome everything, you will understand everything. You, who raised the Child in a manger and accepted Him with Your hands from the Cross, You alone know the whole height of joy, all the oppression of grief. You, who received the whole human race as an adoption, look at me with maternal care. Lead me from the shadows of sin to Your Son. I see a tear that irrigated Your face. It was over me that you spilled it and let it wash away the traces of my sins. Here I have come, I am standing, I am waiting for Your response, oh Mother of God, oh All-Singing, oh Lady! I don't ask for anything, I just stand before You. Only my heart, a poor human heart, exhausted in anguish for truth, I throw at Your clean feet, Lady! May all who call upon You reach the eternal day with You and bow down before You face to face.

Where our help is directed:

Our main task is to temporarily “pull out” a sick gambling person from his usual environment and help him restore the correct life guidelines.

It seems to be simple: move to a neighboring city for a while and start listening to your conscience.

In reality, everything is much more complicated. So, a successful man, who spends hundreds of thousands of rubles, playing on the tote and the exchange rate, with great difficulty manages to take the right step and leave his small business for a year. And if he still decides to go to the center - that's fine. And it also happens that he tortures himself and his family for several years, in the end he loses everything, gets into debt and it happens that he is in a noose ...

Can you self addiction?

If you decide what you need today, call. Together we will learn to appreciate what we have, we will learn to get joy not from adrenaline, but from a job well done or time spent with the family.

Treatment of gambling addiction to computer games in adults

More and more people come to us with questions related to the treatment of computer gaming addiction in adults. The virtual world has captured the minds of the rapidly rising generation.

10 - 15 years ago, when computers, phones, social networks staggeringly burst into our lives, no one thought that such consequences were coming. People have ceased to have live communication, have forgotten how to communicate with each other.

My son is 25 and he constantly sits at the computer!

In the center "New Beginning", formed by a voluntary restorative community, they have perfectly learned how to cope with this disaster. Being in constant contact with people, building daily relationships with other members of the therapeutic community, the problem of computer addiction is perfectly solved without any medical intervention.

Also good to know:

Help for gamers from the cities: Moscow, Korolev, Ramenskoye, Balashikha, Mytishchi

At the New Beginning social assistance project, we help already adult gamers on a free basis (we do not take children under 18). We especially want to emphasize that our center is focused on helping addicted people in the Moscow region. Here we can work more effectively and closely with addicts and their relatives even before the center. Our consultants often visit Ramenskoye, Balashikha, Shchelkovo, Zheleznodorozhny, Mytishchi, Fryazino, Sergiev Posad, Ivanteevka, Korolev, Reutov and, of course, Moscow.

The main principle of our method is the restoration of a real view of what is happening, the ability to adequately communicate, will forever be freed from addiction to the game.

So, before we learn how to help a person suffering from gambling, let's find out what kind of disease it is.

What is gambling?

Gambling addiction, in other words gambling addiction or gambling addiction, is, first of all, a mental disorder that characterizes a person’s strong craving for all gambling. Gambling has long been a social problem of modern society. Not only the gambler himself suffers from this disease, but also everyone who has anything to do with this person. Often this addiction leads people to poverty and even destroys families.

The main symptoms of gambling:

- a person constantly talks and thinks about the game, trying in any way to go and play;

- when playing, a person completely loses control over himself and cannot stop;

- any slot machine beckons this person and he is unable to resist this temptation;

- friends of a gamer are the same people who are completely dependent on gambling;

- the gamer ceases to be interested in everything that surrounds him, and once brought pleasure;

- in the eyes of the gamer, all the desire for a normal life disappears;

If such a person has not played for a long time, he becomes very nervous and irritable.

After a certain time, the symptoms of gambling increase, and the person completely loses control over himself. The game becomes his meaning of life and the main way to hide from the daily routine. The gambler can even go to extremes and start stealing money for the sake of their gaming goals.

The main factors that predispose to gambling addiction are:

1. Social: this factor includes the desire for "easy and fast money"

2. Genetic: based on field dependence, in other words, the tendency to various kinds of dependencies. For example, it is much easier for a person suffering from alcoholism to become a gambler than a non-drinker. It's all in the human genes.

3. Spiritual: This factor includes the understanding that money is everything. A person simply believes that only money can help him improve his life. In addition, thanks to this passion, the player fills his spiritual emptiness and builds his life goal.

4. Psychological: a playing person on a subconscious level thinks that by winning this or that game, he becomes the “king” of his life.

What is the danger for a person suffering from gambling addiction?

Gambling addiction greatly affects the psychological state of a person, which leads to constant depression, emotional instability, and can even lead to a deplorable outcome (suicide).

The main stages of the disease.

First stage. At this stage, a person only develops a desire and craving for the game, but the gamer is still able to refuse the game itself. Over time, a passion for overstating rates and the frequency of visiting gambling halls is instilled.

Second stage. It is already very difficult for a person to give up the game. At this stage, the gambler experiences an internal struggle between his craving for the game and the realization that this is not necessary. The gambler begins to visit gambling halls even more often, and because of his passion and confidence in victory, he cannot stop the game at all. At the second stage, the gambler invents for himself individual signs for his victory.

Third stage. At this stage, a person suffering from gambling addiction, most of all want to play. And so when answering the question: “yes or no? ”, the gamer, of course, will stop at the first one. A person is able to spend a lot of money for his hobby. Whatever he does, he thinks about how to play. It is at the third stage that a person suffering from gambling becomes absolutely indifferent to everything that happens around him. The game becomes his meaning of life, he begins to borrow money and nothing can make him stop playing.

How can you help someone who is addicted to gambling?

1. A person suffering from gambling addiction, first of all, needs to understand for himself that the game is nothing more than ordinary entertainment in his free time from other activities. In other words, the gambler must understand at his subconscious level that gambling is a waste of time and money. The main thing is that a person realizes this and reconsiders his life priorities. To do this, you need to talk to him and make it clear that he is not alone, and you will help him overcome addiction.

2. In order to limit oneself from craving for gambling, a gamer needs to occupy all his free time with some business. Think of a special activity for this person (for example, sports, fishing). Try to make sure that the gamer spends most of his time with his family. Invite friends to the house who will distract the player from his problems and help him see something other than games in life.

3. Try to completely stop all sources of funding for the gamer. No money, no game.

4. In no case do not refuse to keep up a conversation with a gamer about games. If you ignore this topic, then the person will close in on himself and his illness will begin to progress.

5. A special course of psychotherapy can effectively help a person overcome gambling addiction. This is one of the most effective ways to get rid of gambling addiction. Take the gamer to special sessions with a specialist, the purpose of which will be to detect and get rid of the factor that led to this disease. In addition, the psychotherapist will help the gamer to socially and spiritually recover.