How to deal with the heartache of love. How to get rid of mental pain

It is impossible to live without mental pain, sooner or later it will make itself felt. It can be provoked by any event that no one expected, and for which no one prepared. She deals a crushing blow, breaking everything that was familiar and seemed so reliable. Mental pain is the most terrible and destructive of all that can harm a person. Because it's inside and you can't run away from it. She still has to face it. You can get away from it, but only for a while. It will reassert itself very soon, which is why it is so important to learn how to deal with it, and even better to avoid it by any means available, although it is very difficult. But nothing is impossible for the one who believes.

Learn how to deal with emotional pain

When the soul hurts, the world around ceases to please, what seemed beautiful yesterday, today only exacerbates the pain and causes suffering. And, even having managed to forget for a minute, people very soon again and again remember her. And no matter what they do or say, no matter how distracted and trying to forget, she does not go anywhere, but waits in the wings to capture attention again.

And here it is important not to run away and not fill the whole day with business, but to find a time when no one will interfere with putting things in order in your own soul. Behind the daily turmoil, grandiose plans, or the desire to live this day faster, most never look into their souls at all. It does not occur to them or they are very afraid of it. Their head is occupied with something else, but not with the fact that order should be not only at home, at the workplace, in the family, but also in their own souls. But that doesn't protect them from pain. She reminds you that she needs attention too.

And if at first it will be just a feeling that something is going wrong, then as soon as an unpleasant event occurs in life, pain will fill the soul, which has been abandoned for so long. And it will be possible to get rid of it only by understanding what led to this, what caused its appearance.

Because you can get rid of something only by finding the source. And to do this when all the negativity that occurs in a person’s life has accumulated in the soul is very difficult. Any information, especially negative, leaves its mark. And so that this does not affect the general state of mind of a person, it must be considered, draw conclusions and let go. Instead, people absorb everything they see and hear without even trying to analyze and evaluate what happened. And then they wonder why they lose their nerves at the slightest failure. And just the soul did not have the strength to calmly react to everything. Too much negativity is being thrown at her.

TV with its terrible news and stories, disrespect, inattention, lack of money, never ending household chores, work problems, quarrels, unfulfilled career dreams, fear that I made the wrong choice, relationship difficulties, lack of mutual understanding in the family or loneliness - all this leaves wounds and clogs the soul with negativity.

And instead of finding the source of pain, understanding what provoked it, and how to get rid of it with the help of the means that are available, a person does not know where to start. Everything he's tried so hard to ignore seems to come crashing down on him. And wherever you look, there is no way out.

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Because at one time I didn’t want to analyze what was happening, I didn’t adhere to hygiene when choosing programs, news or films, I refused to fight what I didn’t like in life, I constantly avoided sorting out relations with those who offended or hurt. And now, when the thicket of patience is full, there is no strength to pull myself together. Life has become a series of obstacles that are becoming increasingly difficult to overcome, and there is no end in sight. Mental pain becomes a constant companion that does not disappear anywhere, no matter how hard you try to pretend that everything is fine.

But do not despair. It doesn’t matter why the soul hurts, the main thing is that no matter how bad it is, you can deal with it if you understand that it’s time to stop listening to others, no matter who they are.

You don’t have to rely on them for everything and think that you can be happy if someone is next to you. You must look for support exclusively within yourself. It's great when there is someone who supports you, but until you believe in yourself, no one will solve your problems that prevent you from enjoying life. Only you are capable of doing this, realizing that it is in your power and no one else.

Accept as a given that the negative is and will be. Yes, he knocks down, sometimes causes unbearable suffering. But only you decide how it will affect you. If you are responsible for your life, then you yourself decide how to respond to what is happening. Otherwise, you place your fate in the hands of those who hurt you, wittingly or unwittingly.

Top 7 How to Deal with Heartache

The one who is attentive to himself and realized that his soul is a temple, and it requires attention no less, and sometimes more than the body, and even more so than those around him, never experiences crushing blows. Yes, no one is immune from crises. At a certain age, some earlier, some later, everyone rethinks their lives and this is absolutely normal. People should think over, evaluate and analyze the path traveled, draw conclusions, evaluate actions and achievements, decide what to do next - go towards the goals set, create new ones or even take a break and devote time to themselves and those who are around before it's too late . As they say: you won’t earn all the money and you won’t achieve success in everything.

Those who have not deprived themselves of the right to do what they consider necessary endure such periods absolutely calmly, and cope with mental pain much faster than anyone else. Because I learned not to react to negative, offensive words, actions and indifference from others, I taught myself not to expect anything and not to worry when something failed, because something else would turn out. To achieve such spiritual harmony, it is necessary not to dismiss your emotions, feelings and thoughts, but to believe in yourself and listen to your own desires.

You need to believe that you deserve the best and there is no one who would have the right to question it. Because a strong person knows that one cannot hurt someone who carefully guards his peace of mind. He will never do anything that can break it and protect himself from any situation that can hurt.

Often, heartache comes from the fear that you are not good enough and will never be happy. Therefore, stop thinking about what you lack and what else you need to fix in yourself in order to become happy, it’s better to think about whether you are going the right way. Are you moving there, are you sure that you are doing everything right, is the current situation bringing joy, are you satisfied with your work, family relationships, health, people around you.

Analyze and don't be afraid of the conclusions you come to. The main thing is to understand that you are aware of what you are doing and will be able to protect what is expensive, and not retreat under pressure from others. Stop thinking someone is better than you. Better look for ways to fix what you don't like.

Your task is to listen to inner aspirations and dreams, and not to satisfy someone else's needs. Learn to respect yourself, then others will respect you. And when you feel that your interests are observed, and you do what your soul tells you, any pain will disappear. After all, it arose because you lacked something. And when you regain your self-respect and use the right to decide for yourself and understand what you want, all that remains is to receive it.

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People who have a noble goal, be it helping the disadvantaged, serving the Motherland, protecting their rights and the rights of those who are not able to stand up for themselves, who know what they want, understand what is important to them, do not compromise with their conscience , is able to admit mistakes and correct them if possible, never suffers. They don't have time for this.

There is nothing more terrible, dangerous, exhausting and life-breaking than mental pain. It is she who makes people do things that they would not have thought of before. It is not easy to get rid of it, it is difficult to heal it, but there is always a chance to learn from it important experience and move on, becoming wiser and stronger. And the main task for any person in life, no matter what anyone says, is not gaining wealth, power or fame, but the ability to live in harmony with one's own soul. Without this, you simply cannot be happy.

It happens when the earth leaves from under the feet from the loss of a loved one: separation, illness, death. A special world has been built with this person. How to live if the world will not be the same? How to ease the heartache, if the relationship dear to the heart is not revived? Maybe be patient and wait?

The bad has already happened. The misfortune happened not in the movies, but in real life. ?

Time cures?

It happens when the earth leaves from under the feet from the loss of a loved one: separation, illness, death. A special world has been built with this person. The heart stores experiences from a joint move to a new apartment, the birth of children or walks in the park. You remember with what expression he rejoices, sad or grumbles. You know how many sugar cubes he likes to add to his tea. And suddenly the usual way is crossed out.

How to live if the world will not be the same? How to appease if the relationship dear to the heart is not revived? Maybe be patient and wait? Training by Yuri Burlan "Systemic Vector Psychology" offers another way - to understand the causes of mental pain and with the help of psychoanalysis.

The word is first aid

Even years after the departure of a loved one, it can be painful to reread the letters addressed to you, in which he shared his innermost experiences. At best, the pain of separation - or betrayal, violence - dulls over the years. But liberation from emotional suffering does not have to wait passively. Just the opposite. For the treatment of pain from a spiritual wound, time is not worth wasting.

First aid for severe mental shock is to speak out.

There is an opinion that when a person has experienced stress, he should be left alone with his feelings and “not reopen the wound.” In fact, to cope with mental pain, you need to immediately start talking with a loved one about what happened. Do not close emotions in yourself, do not hold back tears, do not suppress painful experiences. And do not ignore any painful memory.

If emotional suffering is associated with the fact that a person can no longer be returned, it is advisable to discuss as many happy moments and feelings associated with him as possible. Talk about his achievements and virtues. Such memories will smooth out the bitterness of loss, making room for light sadness.

It is important to speak out as soon as possible after a traumatic event, otherwise negative experiences will be forced into the unconscious. If this happens, it will be more difficult to cope with mental pain later.

It is important to observe safety precautions. Approach with seriousness the choice of a person for a sincere conversation. Make sure that he takes care of your emotions, heartache.

This method can be regarded as first aid, like artificial respiration. When this tool from the psychological "first aid kit" has completed its task, a person needs a resource in order to live on.

How to live on?

People can experience a difficult situation in different ways, and the consequences of loss manifest themselves differently depending on the characteristics of the human psyche.

Emotional suffering

There are people for whom breaking an emotional connection is especially painful. System-vector psychology defines them as representatives.

Emotions are important for people with this type of psyche. In one hour, they can experience the whole gamut of experiences from fear to love. They seek to build emotional ties with people with whom they can exchange hidden feelings or give the warmth of the soul.

The loss of emotional connections makes their soul hurt. Due to unbearable suffering, visual people after an experienced trauma can close, avoid further expression of feelings. This is how they lead themselves into a trap. After all, then they do not fully realize the abilities inherent in nature, which means that they also lose the ability to experience the joy of life to a large extent.

It happens the other way around, when because of emotional pain it is difficult for them to cope with emotions. Hold back your feelings. Sobs roll over, the reality is hardly realized from emotional overexcitation. From such splashes, the hands are shaking, the head is broken. Instead, emptiness and longing come.

Such conditions may be the result of fear. It serves as the starting point of development for all people with a visual vector. Normally, in an adult, the emotion of fear is redirected into empathy, but in situations of severe stress, it happens that the usual response skills are washed away by a wave of a broken dam. Then the root fear of death can be exposed. It is not always realized and can be expressed at the level of psychosomatics, including panic attacks.

Guilt

This state is caused by the peculiarities of the psyche of the anal vector. Friendship and family for such people is sacred. If they are sure that they hurt a loved one, they reproach themselves greatly for it. Self-criticism is fueled by the innate tenacious memory of the anal vector. It firmly fixes the details of the past, even if you don’t want to remember them at all. What if there is no way to fix the past? A person can get stuck in a state of guilt for a long time and not know how to build his life further. The situation will change if you find a way to make amends by caring for those who need it.

Loneliness

Proofreader: Natalya Konovalova

Heartache, suffering - this torment was experienced by every person. Resentment from betrayal, betrayal, injustice, grief, longing - all these feelings are associated with pain that cannot be removed with the help of medicines.

Unfortunately, many people, seeking to get away from the pain that torments them, find themselves in the trap of addictions. This applies to alcohol, drugs, gambling addiction.

Running away from problems is for the weak. Sounds trite, but it's true. Most people who tend not to take responsibility for their lives, looking for the cause of failures and mental discomfort from the outside, cannot survive the slightest pain and do everything not to feel it, which only aggravates the situation.

On the other hand, mental pain pushes creative people to create masterpieces, for example, the most beautiful poems are written precisely in a state of mental anguish, looking for a way out.

What to do when the soul hurts?

Let's consider several possible situations when torment arises, and try to understand how spiritual wounds can be healed.

Hidden Benefit

Psychological work with the problem begins with the establishment of its cause. If you associate with people who constantly "hit" possible, you will not need psychotherapy. It will be enough to change your environment. But if you deliberately find yourself next to such people over and over again, it makes sense to think about why you need it. What pushes you to such "self-torture"? Is there any hidden benefit for you in this?

It often causes severe mental pain. In this case, the treatment will be useless as long as there is a need to achieve hidden goals. In order to identify them and review them.

Woe

Another common cause of mental pain is a prolonged experience, for example, from a person or from the loss of a close relative.

In these cases, the help of a psychologist is often necessary, but the person himself can take steps to get rid of the problem.

First, you don't need to fuel your memories by looking at pictures of people who have passed away or listening to sad music. Secondly, try to switch your attention to new activities, do what you like the most, and most importantly, do not be alone.

When experiencing grief, there is a period when you need to endure acute pain, let it go. A psychotherapist can help with this. If you are unable to forget the deceased person, try to mentally talk to him and say goodbye. Left alone, light a candle, think about the one who left, let him go internally, having made the decision to continue living. Very often, such a choice requires real courage.

bodily tension

Any phenomena of our consciousness, one way or another, are manifested at the bodily level. Acute mental pain leads to the appearance of areas of tension in the body, or muscle clamps. For example, a hunched, tense back, “hardened” shoulders, clenched jaws. Such manifestations are the result of restraint. Movement frees the body, returns life to it, and, as a result, mental pain ceases to be unbearable, it “dissolves” and gradually disappears. Try to move more, walk, play sports, even if at first it will be difficult for you to force yourself to devote time to this. This will help you deal with the pain.

Working with restraint

We often hear: "Do not keep grief in yourself, speak out, it will become easier for you." It really is. At the initial stage, a person needs to release negative emotions and share experiences with loved ones. If there is no one to talk to, you can do a simple job: take a piece of paper and write on it what worries you, torments you, what hurts your soul. If you write sincerely and do not hold back, you will quickly feel relief. This work is useful in that it helps to better understand oneself, and the experiences brought out to the outside no longer seem so terrible and insurmountable. By the way, after completion of the work, it is recommended to destroy the leaflet. For example, it can be burned. This symbolic action will help you let go of negative emotions.

Defeat

Mental pain can also be caused by the experience of defeat in a matter that is very important for a person. In this case, the memories come back again and again, a feeling of shame arises, thoughts about what should have been done are tormented. Such a state of mind will be cured if a person finds the cause of his defeat and builds a different course of action. It is necessary to stop self-digging and understand what led to failure, and what qualities you need to change in yourself in order to avoid this in the future.

In general, the psychology of experiencing is built on looking for support in your mind, and only then work with feelings. is the master of himself and his life, which allows him to experience negative emotions without being captured by them. In addition, having learned to think and build our lives correctly, we begin to work for the future, excluding the appearance of mental pain and developing resistance to a variety of life circumstances.

Heartache allows you to gain new experience and maturity. The main thing is not to be afraid to live in the present in its entirety, rejoicing, sad, suffering, learning lessons and achieving new victories. After all, we all came into this world to experience the fullness of being, and not to hide in a cocoon of experiences. Think about it, you can live and continuously move forward, or you can “live”, that is, stay in place while life passes by. The choice is yours.

Why do people suffer from mental pain? Mental pain is a feeling of longing and suffering that a person experiences for certain reasons. Do not neglect such a disorder, it can be much more dangerous than known physical diseases. In the mentally ill, there may be interruptions in the work of internal organs. This threatens with bodily diseases. Therefore, it is necessary to think as early as possible how to cope with mental pain.

Such a disease is similar to, because it appears in a person as a result of an unpleasant event in life, or because of excitement for another person. Everyone can suffer such pain if their expectations are not met. A person forms some patterns of life in his brain, and if reality does not coincide with them, then emotional suffering appears. Quite often, people suffer heartache by hiding it from their loved ones and friends.

Fighting heartache

The patient can deal with pain in several ways. So, mental pain can move from a person’s consciousness to his subconscious. It exists, but man avoids it. The way out of mental pain is possible when a person demonstrates his emotions and feelings. But this does not mean that he becomes aggressive or irritable. A person seeks salvation from illness in his relatives and friends. For example, if a person quarreled with his soulmate, and he had a mental pain, then you can get rid of it only in communication with this person.

But with subconscious mental pain - everything is more complicated. A person does not recognize a mental disorder, he says that he is doing well. He affirms this not only to others, but also to himself. Such pain is much worse than conscious pain, it is more difficult to cope with it, because it is hidden deep in the human subconscious.

The struggle with mental pain of a latent nature is quite difficult, it can be with a person for several years. It negatively affects the character of a person who begins to communicate with people like himself. Also, he may not even meet new people or avoid contact with old acquaintances.

Mental pain does not allow a person to study normally, work or do his favorite thing. At such moments, a person often does not even understand what the matter is. It happens that some events make a person remember an unpleasant life situation that has long caused him an emotional experience. If the patient fails to bring emotions out and get rid of them, then it is necessary to contact a psychologist or a loved one who can listen to everything.

Emotional experiences after a breakup

It's no secret that after parting with a loved one, severe and prolonged emotional distress can occur. In some cases, it is as severe as the stress after the death of a loved one. Parting brings mental pain that can torment a person for months and even years. All this time, the patient will experience stages of denial, resentment and pain.
Emotional experiences after parting begin with a stage of denial. At first, a person simply does not understand or does not want to understand that his relationship with his loved one has come to an end. This happens on a subconscious level, and the person simply does not realize the gap.

A person suffers greatly due to the fact that he will never be next to his soul mate. When he accepts this harsh reality, then he will get a chance to get rid of the mental pain. But such an understanding does not come immediately. The duration of experiences directly depends on the duration of the relationship. In order to bring this moment closer on your own, you need to get rid of all objects and even contacts with people that are reminders of relationships.

The next stage of heartache from a break with a loved one is the stage of indignation and even hatred. The person who was abandoned is trying by all means and methods to take revenge on the former, to bring him maximum inconvenience. But such drastic measures, as a rule, are due to a scandalous break, for example, after treason. Resentment occurs because it is difficult for a person to blame himself for parting. It is much easier to blame your ex for all the sins.

The stage of resentment is characterized by the fact that a person focuses exclusively on negative emotions, which is extremely bad for the prospect of a quick recovery. Also, a person often thinks about how much could be done at this time, and not spend it on a relationship. There is a feeling of loneliness and for their future, and even the denial of new relationships.

When the soul hurts, you do not need to restrain yourself from loud suffering and even tears. They make it possible to quickly cope with the pain in the soul. There is nothing terrible or shameful in this, because even scientists have proven that tears make it possible to quickly survive and forget the problem. Many people who didn't want to break up continue to contact their ex and even ask him to start over. And if that person does not agree, then there is no need to insist on your own, because this leads to even greater suffering and memories of a happy past. This will significantly slow down mental recovery.

It is no secret that in most cases, women are much more difficult to endure parting. This is explained quite simply, because for them love comes first in life, while for a man the main thing is work. Therefore, men do not focus on this problem so much and find a replacement for their ex more easily.

Of great importance in the fight against such experiences is the ability to switch to another topic, for example, to do what you love or personal development. But if this does not help, and the mental pain has been going on for a year or even more, then it is better to turn to a psychologist.

How to relieve severe mental pain?

Severe mental pain is not at all like physical pain, because it manifests itself in suffering. And they, in turn, lead to the loss of the meaning of life by a sick person. Emotional experiences are accompanied by longing, loneliness, shame, guilt, as well as fear of future problems.

In order to relieve severe mental pain, it is necessary to understand its root cause. For example, if a certain person is such a reason, then it is necessary to work on relationships with him, and not extinguish your emotions. If there is no understanding on his part, then you need to avoid him, even if this leads to dismissal. Finding a job is much easier than restoring the body from the effects of stress.

After a difficult breakup, emotional distress can last up to one year. It is necessary to start a new relationship after this period, so as not to step on the rake twice. The emotional pain from illness or death of a person must be passed through and accepted reality as it is.

It is necessary to understand that the negative event has already ended. You need to go through a period of pain and plan your future life taking into account this negative situation. It is possible to get acquainted with a person who is experiencing a much greater disorder. This will help to understand that the situation is not so difficult, other people are much worse. The correct mode of the day and exercise will help to quickly survive the heartache.

heartache- this is emotional suffering, unpleasant and painful in its sensations for a person. Mental pain is also referred to as the pain of the soul body and reckoned with the loss of survival potential. Often it is much more dangerous than bodily diseases, because it causes disturbances in the work of all internal organs and provokes malfunctions throughout the body.

How to deal with mental pain?

Emotional suffering develops when experiencing a life event or greatly worrying about a loved one. Mental pain is often inherent in a person when his personal ideas do not coincide with what is happening in reality. This is because significant experiences leading to are due to patterns formed in the human brain, and reality is not what the individual expects it to be. All these disappointments lead to emotional suffering.

Mental pain by a person can be experienced both explicitly and covertly, when a person suffers, but does not admit it to himself.

How to deal with mental pain? A person copes with mental pain in several ways. In one case, mental pain moves from a conscious sensation to the subconscious and the individual mistakenly believes that he is no longer suffering. In fact, what happens is that a person simply avoids pain, and transfers it to the subconscious.

If an individual is inclined to demonstrate his actions and feelings, then this means that he gives vent to his mental pain. A person in such cases begins to consult with friends, acquaintances, seeks salvation in eliminating the root of the problem.

For example, if relationships with parents cause mental pain, then a person is looking for all possible ways to find a common language with them.

If a person has chosen a method of avoidance, then this method is expressed in not recognizing the problem, often the individual says that everything is fine with him and does not even admit to himself in personal experiences. In this case, mental pain persists, passing into an implicit, subconscious form. This state is very difficult to cope with, it is painful for a person, much more emotional than an open confession, as well as saying the problem out loud.

How to get rid of mental pain

It is very difficult to get rid of latent pain, it is characterized by a protracted (for years!) course. At the same time, a person's character, relationships with others change. A person with mental pain begins to attract negative people to himself, gradually changing the level of acquaintances, or completely abandons them, forever excluding communication with people.

Often, emotional suffering does not allow an individual to create, work, it torments him, and a person often does not understand what is happening to him. Separate situations are able to remind a person of those moments that caused pain in his soul many years ago. This is due to the fact that emotions were driven into the subconscious many years ago, so a person cries and worries, not fully understanding what is happening to him, for example, after watching a emotional scene from a movie. In cases where you cannot cope with mental pain on your own, you need the help of a specialist or a loved one who is ready to listen to you.

Heartache after a breakup

Psychological reactions to the end of a relationship with a loved one have much in common with the reaction to physical loss, namely, the death of a loved one. The emotional pain after parting with a loved one can drag on for many months and years. During this period, a person is acutely worried. Experiences include stages of resentment, denial and pain.

Initially, there is a stage of denial, which manifests itself in the subconscious refusal of a person to objectively relate to the breakup and be aware of the end of the relationship.

The pain after a breakup is aggravated by the realization that a loved one is no more, and will never be there again. The moment a person realizes and accepts reality, he will stop suffering. This understanding does not come overnight. The duration of this period depends on the continuation of contacts with the former lover. To make it easier and faster to go through this stage of mental suffering, psychologists advise to abandon all contacts, as well as get rid of all objects that remind of past relationships.

The period of denial is replaced by a period of resentment, which is characterized by accusations of the former lover of all sins and the desire of the offended to take revenge, especially if betrayal was the reason for the break.

Psychologically, this is understandable: blaming another person is much easier than admitting part of your guilt in a similar situation yourself. This stage is marked by the emergence of an emotional block: there is a loop on negative experiences, which significantly delays the period of psychological recovery. At the next stage of the life crisis, worries about lost time in relationships that were in vain develop. Such experiences are accompanied by a fear of loneliness, as well as the uncertainty of the future, the fear that it will not be possible to build new relationships.

Most psychologists are inclined to believe that tears, suffering and reflection in loneliness are an obligatory, as well as a necessary part in overcoming this life crisis. There is nothing wrong with wanting to cry. Allow yourself to suffer and cry - this will bring relief and lead to recovery.

If, nevertheless, a decision was made to break up, then the lost relationship should not be restored, and for this reason, indulge in sad memories, call, and also meet. This will only slow down and make it more difficult to overcome emotional suffering.

Women often need more time than men to forget about an ex-partner, because for women, loving a man is the most important part of life. For a man, the priority in life is often work, as well as a career. In addition, it is usually easier for men to find a new partner.

Psychologists advise, left alone, to do. If, nevertheless, for two years, mental pain after parting worries, then it is necessary to consult a psychologist or psychotherapist who will help in solving this problem.

Severe mental pain

Edwin Shneidman American psychologist gave the following unique definition of mental pain. It is not like physical or bodily pain. Mental pain is manifested in experiences that are often caused by the grieving person himself.

Mental pain, filled with suffering, is an expression of the loss of the meaning of life. It is marked by torment, longing, confusion. This state gives rise to loneliness, grief, guilt, humiliation, shame, before the inevitability - aging, death, physical illness.

Eliminating the cause of suffering helps to get rid of severe mental pain. If the cause of emotional suffering is the negative behavior of a person regarding you, then in this case it is necessary to eliminate these causes, and not extinguish your emotions regarding this person. For example, if you are having trouble with your boss that provoked heartache, then you should work on your relationship with him, and not on your emotions and how you feel about it. You should find a common language or quit.

If emotional suffering is caused by an irreparable situation (illness or death), then you should work on the perception of reality and your emotions.

Mental pain lasts from six months to a year with the loss of a loved one. Only after this period of time, psychologists advise building new relationships in order not to repeat the same mistakes.

How to relieve mental pain? It is necessary to admit to yourself that an unpleasant situation has already occurred. This can alleviate your condition.

Second, go through the period of pain and come to your senses. Then we build a new future, but without these circumstances or this person. For example, without a favorite job or a loved one. Mentally build everything in detail, how you will live on. Often the real world becomes in a person the way he sees it in his imagination.

Often, severe mental pain is hidden under other masks and is confused with anger, disappointment, resentment.

How to deal with severe emotional pain? Find people who are worse off than you. Show them care. This way you will switch from your problem.

Master the system of correct breathing: with a long inhalation and a short exhalation. Proper breathing can help your body cells recover quickly, strengthen the nervous system.

Say something nice to people every day, positive emotions will also be transferred to you.

Follow the daily routine, get enough sleep, this will help restore nerve cells.

Take your mind off your worries by dancing, jogging, walking, push-ups, physical exercises. Sign up for a massage.

Avoid the return of intense mental suffering. Scientists are inclined to believe that a person stays in a state of depression for a quarter of an hour, and the rest of the time he himself creates mental suffering for himself, prolonging and aggravating them. Therefore, the ability not to return mental pain again, which is facilitated by situations from the past that provoked experiences, is of great importance.

Hello Alexandra. You don't have to blame yourself for what happened. Take it as an experience. Often, young girl friends train with each other in the skill of kissing (for future relationships with the opposite sex).

Hello Alexandra, if a girl kissed you, this does not mean that automatically, you have turned into the same as her. What happened to you is called temptation. In this or another sphere, it is inherent in people, as a sad result of the fall of man. You need to go to the temple, do not hesitate to go to confession. Look around in the temple, find a priest who would suit you, at least identify by appearance. Say do not be afraid of what your conscience reproaches you with. The result will be, believe me. After that, live on, and do not look back, you should not have anything to do with it. Date a guy, start a family, kids). Happiness to you.

I am 22 years old. I study in Yekaterinburg, I am a non-resident myself. Closer to the beginning of the new academic year, it turned out that I was not given a place in the hostel. There is no place to live, you have to study. I was rescued by a friend who offered to live in his one-room apartment. I agreed because I had no other choice. Everything went fine for the first couple of weeks, but then I realized that I liked my neighbor (although I already knew this), and later it turned into a severe form of falling in love. One-sided feelings are tearing me apart from the inside. I told a friend about my feelings, but nothing changed from this, except for the tension between us. I was trapped. I can't move out and try to stay away from him, because in that case I'll just end up on the street, and at the same time I can't overcome my feelings being around. What to do with it, I just have no idea. Can you help me please?

• Hello Linaria. We recommend that you do not fight with your feelings inside yourself, if you resist them, it will only get worse in your soul. Try to switch to other guys, even if you don't feel like it. With a guy, don’t touch on the topic of feelings anymore and he will eventually decide that you have calmed down. Tension has arisen between you because the guy cannot reciprocate your feelings. Continue living in his apartment and focus on your studies (session coming soon).

Hello. I have such a situation. I had a relationship with a man for 12 years. She loved deeply, but he turned out to be a coward and does not want to admit it. When our relationship began to loosen, he began to demand back all the gifts, took everything down to underwear. Although he had no less gifts and equivalent ones. Insults began to pour in. Time has passed, and I have such an emptiness inside that no matter what I fill it with, I still return to the starting point. Travel, friends, hobbies, nothing helps. He stands before his eyes. And completely bewildered, how could he do this?

• Hello Albina. We recommend that you switch to other men and stop worrying about unsuccessful past relationships. “He is in front of my eyes. And complete confusion, how could he do this? - He did what he usually does. Just for you, such qualities in character are not acceptable. You and your ex are different, so you should not feel sorry for him.

Hello, I would appreciate your help. We have been living together with my gr.husband for 3 years. At the time of our meeting, he was married, but divorced to be with me. He is the best person in the world in relation to me, I did not think that it was possible to love like that. And I also love him endlessly, but then one day he declares that he was disappointed in me, almost fell out of love, does not want to live with me, but immediately said that he does not drive, he lives with me out of pity. My husband is very wealthy, he fully supports me, and to my question, what are we going to do now, he said so and we will live on and the horror began. Yes, we live together, he also provides for me, we sleep in the same bed, but there is no intimate relationship, we don’t talk, only on domestic issues, although it happens that he himself speaks and laughs and seems to thaw. On my question, what is the reason for the disappointment, he did not answer. I'm just going quietly crazy. I love him, he is the dearest in life. What to do? How to build relationships? He has a child and I have from a previous marriage. He treated my child well, sincerely, and then he said that he did not want me to bring my daughter, because he only sees his on weekends. The child is with the grandmother and thank God that she does not see this nightmare. The situation has been dragging on for 2 months, we live like this. Help! How to save a family? For all my attempts to build relationships like a wall. He said he didn't want anything. This has never happened. He says that he does not want anything, that it is better to die, but many people will suffer. God, I'm just going crazy. Tell me, can a man live out of pity? In my opinion, this is simply absurd. And it lasts for a month. And I don't know how long it will last. I will endure everything, if only he thawed.

• • Hello Natalia, the fact that he met you and got divorced does not allow him to live in peace. You must understand that at the beginning of your relationship there was passion, and mutual from both sides. Time passed, the man realized what he had done, because the family had collapsed. Perhaps he loved or still loves his family very much, so he feels a sense of regret. Do you have a schedule with him, or do you just live in a place? Let him go, this is the only chance to make amends for your and his family.

Hello Olesya, the fact that your husband has such a health problem is, of course, an unpleasant situation. Maybe you can try, take a baby from a baby house, or from an orphanage. How many kids are left without parental love. Find with your husband the strength to take and give at least one of them your love, support and protection. It is clear that this is a very responsible step, but if you don’t try, you will reproach yourself all your life that there was at least a small chance to experience maternal happiness, but you didn’t use it. The husband should try to explain that life is not eternal, he will grow old over time, his strength will leave him, and in his old age there will be no one to worry about him, to give a glass of water.
Olesya, if you are a believer, at least a little, come to the temple, sincerely pray from a pure heart to God to help you in your difficult task, and He will really help you and the heartache will go back to where it came from.
I sincerely wish you to get rid of your spiritual burden, and feel that unique lightness of life to which we are called by God.

I have a second marriage. When she got married, she was happy and was waiting for a long-awaited pregnancy, but the pregnancy never came ... They lived together for 7 years. My husband has infertility, the chance for IVF is 20%. She categorically does not want a donor child. I'm exhausted, I really want a baby. (he also wants to, but he probably understands that it won’t work out and somehow resigned himself, but I can’t) I’m 37, in a couple of months 38 is already the limit, but I never gave birth. She began to treat her husband worse, began to eat herself, that she made the wrong choice and him, in turn, that she hid her infertility from me and constantly reassured me that he would soon undergo treatment and we would become pregnant.
I can't live with it... I'm tired. I'm afraid to break wood. I can not forgive him and be left without the desired baby. How to be!? Mental pain drowns consciousness, interferes with life.

• Hello Olesya. The situation is difficult. Your desire to have a child is understandable. While there is still time, it is necessary to think how else to solve this problem. It makes sense to go to a family psychologist with your husband so that a specialist can help you and your husband sort out the problem (so that your husband finds out how important it is for you to have a child, that you are unhappy in a relationship due to the lack of the opportunity to realize yourself in motherhood) and contribute to making the right decision.

I am 35, in my childhood (5 years old) the older boys forced me to do something that I don’t say out loud all day. The parents found out, but chose not to make a fuss. Further substance abuse, psychotropics, criminal records, terms. In the direction to the hospital, the diagnosis was F 18-26. For a long time I was sure that I was communicating with aliens in my head.
When passing the commission in the military registration and enlistment office they gave a certificate: Limited capacity art. 117 B. I consider myself a spiritual cripple. Mental pain sometimes leads to bouts of deaf crying, resentment. And there is no one to talk to and talk about. I can't do this anymore. Help!

• Look, it's really sad what happened to you. It's too bad there's no one to help you. Of course, you can't tell everyone about this. You turn to God, tell Him everything, all your pain, see how it becomes easier for you. Just shut yourself up in your room and talk. Even better, go to a church in your city, preferably an evangelical one, and talk to a minister or pastor. They will pray with you. Many have been healed and delivered this way. I wish you success!

  • God does not help anyone, why are you fooling a person, do you have a conscience?

    • Hello Sergey, did you establish this from your own experience, or did someone tell you?

Artemy hello, if you still want to chat write lukanovmg(dog)mail.ru

Hello! I am 29 years old. Went through a breakup with a boyfriend. They met for 6 years, it was going to the wedding, but the guy started endogenous depression. After six months of agony and fruitless attempts to help, I ended the relationship. Six months later, there were new short-term and unsuccessful relationships, where they already left me. Now another six months have passed and I have more or less accepted and experienced the past, but I am tormented by a strong pain of loneliness. In general, she torments me even after the first parting. At first, I had a fixed idea, to find compensatory relationships, which led to a disastrous result. Now I am delving into self-contemplation and self-development with varying degrees of success. I can work productively, but I understand that I can’t do anything about the pain of loneliness. I can get distracted, but sometimes I fall into despair. It is rare to be happy. There was a lack of self-confidence and distrust of people + fear that I would never be able to meet my man. The calm state is replaced by panic and it is impossible to control this process. Relationships have always been in the first place for me and I just can’t learn to appreciate what I have and enjoy an independent life. I would be grateful for any hints. Thank you!

• • Thank you. In a difficult moment, such words are very helpful. The links are very handy, I saved them, I will re-read them in moments of crisis)

Hello Eugene. Read the book Five Masks, Five Injuries by Liz Burbo.

The factor in the appearance of mental pain and the ease of overcoming it does not depend on gender, and in this case, it is wrong to treat the situation stereotypically. Every person is unique and everyone has their own pain threshold. Not a single psychologist will give an exact recipe if he approaches the situations that occur in people in a stereotyped way. Yes, in many ways they are similar, but the manifestations and perception of the situation are individual for everyone. I will speak for myself, I did not manage to get rid of the mental pain and I have to somehow live with it. At times there comes a period of return of memories, which is given by pain on the physical level, it is quite felt. It is easy to understand the situation, to find the reason too, it is impossible to forgive a person if you are not to blame for anything, and he blames you for everything, although it is completely his fault. Of course, you can do something else, some other distracting things, without enthusiasm, but this does not save. Thoughts and memories always come back.

• Probably, it was not your man, and this is your comfort. I have a similar situation, we broke up after 2 years of a stormy romance, mostly at a distance, he blames me for what didn’t happen, and I’m offended that he thinks so of me and I can’t prove anything. And is it necessary? For the second month after separation, I feel such longing and suffering, it seems that it will never end. But I console myself with the fact that it was still not my man. Those who truly love don't do that. You need more communication, I think so, it saves me, even all sorts of comments, communication in social networks. And you need to learn to control your thoughts, not to go deep into them and drive them away, try it. And it’s even better to get to know each other if a decent amount of time has passed since the breakup. Don't get hung up. Forgive and let go. Read other recommendations, for example, I found 6 steps after breaking up on Google. I wish you success! I hope I helped a little 🙂

  • Thanks Larisa. Only in my case it is unrealistic to forget. You can hate, but this pain will not go away, but on the contrary. I am forced to see my daughter at the former, they did not give her to me, and this pain is even stronger. I tried new relationships. It all comes down to the fact that there is no longer trust, and the relationship is falling apart at my request. I just live .. Come what may.

• Hello Galina. The point is to seek explanations from a man if he has made a final decision for himself. Now you need to think about how to cope with this situation and recover mentally as quickly as possible. It is required for yourself to realize and accept his decision, mentally thank the Universe for those wonderful days that you were together and let him go. After all, all this could not be. Remember what Mark Twain wrote: “There are only two things we will regret on our deathbed – that we loved little and traveled little.” When you get rid of these relationships, your heart will be free and wish for new relationships, you will definitely attract them with your desire.
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I am 54 years old. All my life I dream of love. But even in my youth, I could never talk to guys, let alone meet - as if it were a shame for me. And as if it would make people smile. She married at the age of 28 to a man from a dating service. But he turned out to be a drinker, a year later I left him, because it was unbearable. She gave birth and raised a son. And I still can’t meet, fall in love - the reason is the same. I have never experienced a man's love for me. If sometimes one of the men says something good to me, I am sure that he is pretending or mocking me. From loneliness for 10-15 years there has been depression, I didn’t realize it right away, I just didn’t have the mood, I didn’t want anything, I didn’t want to see anyone, etc. Now depression makes itself felt with prolonged bouts of melancholy, anxiety. I can't feel joy. There is no feeling of pleasure. As if there is no strength. I drank rexetine four years ago and something else for sleep. I could not sleep for two days and did not even yawn. Then she fell, 2 operations on her knee, then her mother died. Life has become quite bleak. I went to psychologists, but depression does not go away. I don't know how to deal with it. What should I do, tell me?

• Irina, I want to advise you the most wonderful diaries!!! Reread John of Kronstadt!!! (it was such a person who lived, he was numbered among the saints!) Believe me. I live with severe mental pain. Strongest!!! And I'm learning to enjoy it! Believe me. His diaries will make you brighter. Thank you for your attention.