Cool statuses. The coolest statuses for Odnoklassniki and VKontakte! Status funny comic

Are you the soul of the company, a cheerful person, do you like to sit in contact, ICQ or classmates? You can also amuse your friends in social networks by putting a witty, cool status, which will make the most gloomy and serious visitor to your page smile. A modern person cannot live without a sense of humor: there are so many stresses, problems and difficulties around. Make people forget about them at least for a while: let them smile when they visit your page. Here you will find the latest, constantly updated collection of funny, funny, witty, funny phrases.

What will you find with us?

Having entered this section, get ready to heartily, sincerely laugh at the jokes that are collected here. Most funny statuses will delight you with their wit and novelty. We have a wide selection of the most unique phrases:

funny declarations of love for those who can appreciate the subtle, romantic humor;
the most new cool statuses for pages in any social networks (updating occurs daily);
witty statements with which you can express your own attitude to life or even to a particular person;
funny jokes on the phone.

If you haven't found yet sayings for status cool and funny, you very successfully wandered into this particular section on our website: you yourself will laugh heartily and amuse your friends with a funny statement posted in your status.

What is possible on our site?

Users of our site enjoy the most unlimited freedom and have ample opportunities:

So being a regular user of our site is a pleasure, the ability to constantly update the coolest statuses on your personal pages in social networks. Smart, good jokes will always cheer up those who surround you and understand: give them a smile - share with them cool status from our site.

No matter how many bad things are said about me, I always have something to add. 113

Nothing limits your actions like the phrase "do whatever you want"... 84

Guys get jealous when they love. Girls get jealous even when they don't love. 85

Can't find a way for me? Get around! 243 (1) - cool statuses

Comrade, let's go through to clarify the cash ... 17

Nothing strengthens faith in a person like a 100% prepayment. 29

If you know exactly who is to blame - do not give yourself away. 56

I walk with closed eyes and a smile from ear to ear, to meet future happiness, through a field of rakes... 125

From the statement: "How do I all ..." Crossed out. “Like I have you all…” Crossed out. “Yes, would you all go to ...” Crossed out. "Please grant me another vacation." 37

Dear Money! I miss you very much. I promise to buy you a new wallet. If you want, you can invite your relatives from Europe or America - I will not object. I will accept everyone! 38

I want chronic health, progressive happiness, recurrent success, hypertensive salary, and an eternally pregnant wallet without the threat of miscarriage!))) 51

The best way to test a guy for loyalty is to ask the sleeping man, in the morning, the question: "Will you go to yours or will you stay with me?" 76

According to statistics, the phrase "What a huge he is!" most often heard by a spider. 75

Briefly about myself: Year of manufacture 1991, Mileage 20, Light color, Height 162, Blue headlights, Documents on hand, Tuning is present, The body is not broken, not rusty, The roof is in place, but there are no brakes. All options, looking for some with a half turn. 65

You can’t look in the mirror when you eat - you’ll eat your happiness. And when you drink, you drink. And in the toilet, it’s better not to hang a mirror at all ... 74

Sex is when he wants it, erotica is when she wants it, porn is when both of them want it. 52

No money to change wardrobe - change jobs! For the new team, all your old clothes are new. 38

Flowers should be without a reason... Happiness should be unique... House - warm... Weather - no matter what the weather is! But love should be mutual. 52

All people bring happiness - some by their presence, others by their absence) 74

What would I give to a person who has everything? I would punch him in the jaw. 21

If men knew what women think, they would court twenty times more boldly. 46

Soul to soul, only matryoshkas can live. 73

I need to call my mom, tell me where I am. - Hello, mom? Where I am? 55

The little boy was watching porn. I did not understand the film, but I sweated a lot. 30

The main thing is that they are waiting for you at home, and not waiting 60

Chocolate is twice as tasty if you can’t) 45

The Lord keeps us all. It's just that everyone has a different shelf life. 55

I am kept by the great ancient Egyptian god of peace and tranquility - DANUNAH. 77

Every day, people around me prove to me that life without a brain is real. 76

Nobody dies a virgin: life will fuck us all. 38

The help of a psychologist is, of course, good! But just yelling obscenities is much cheaper.
It's good to be a sock. You lie to yourself somewhere, they are always looking for you, no one goes anywhere without you. Plus, you have the second half. Bliss.
Everything that is not done before 30. Must be done after!
If you are considered a camel, spit on everyone!
Some have cute dimples on their cheeks, some have a sexy mole above their lip. And I have amazing bags under my eyes.

The newest cool quotes and statuses

I always knew that a professional hassle would grow out of me!)
Stuck in traffic on my way to work, texting my boss, "Hey, traffic ass, I'll be late." Answers: "Hi, the ass with the plugs."
To remove the "red eye effect" you need to sleep, sober up and everything will pass by itself!
Relationships are when you are determined that a man will conquer you, and a man is also determined that you will conquer him.
Cats and women always do what they want. Dogs and men should get used to it by now.
New cool quotes about life - Most often, after pronouncing the thesis "WE LIVE ONCE ONCE" I start to create such fucking shit that the chances of surviving until the morning are sharply reduced.
There are two troubles in Russia - frosts and scumbags.
They talked enthusiastically about music, painting, architecture for two hours. When he said that he was married, there was immediately nothing to talk about with him.
I'll go to Instagram. I'll see which stores have subscribed to me today.
Today is exactly one year since I went out for a run tomorrow morning.
After a bottle of cognac, the conversation turns into a leak of information.
If I decide to make someone happy, then nothing will save him!
Little tricks: using a puncher is half the price at night if a two-tariff electricity meter is installed.
Can a decent girl live in a panel house?
I was saved from a drunken confession by a zero balance on my account.
In his loving eyes, she realized that she could take everything from him ...
There is nothing worse in the world than distance. The distance between a button and a hole on jeans.
Flutter like a butterfly, pity like a bee, wallow like a seal.
It happens that you talk to a person, and he has such a look: - the light is on, but there is no one at home.
Friends are such people: either they are, or they drink.
Boring? Do not please selfies, and you want to eat and cry at the same time? Pier to the peasant with the question "What is between us?" The game has begun!
My erotic dream for this weekend: sleep in all positions!
If a young man is shorter than you when you are in high heels, replace him with another. Don't refuse hairpins!
21st century: “Dear Santa Claus. The boy Vlad is writing to you. Please read this letter to the end. This is not spam, this is a real opportunity to earn ... "
New cool quotes about girls - Last night I closed the window and saw a star falling. Made a wish. This afternoon my lip cracked... I understood the hint.
So you are born, you grow up, you study, you go to college, then you go to work, you get married, you have children, you go out with them... And the grandmas near the entrance are still the same!

You can't tell a boring person that he is boring, otherwise he will start to figure out why, and this is so boring.

I have a cat like a hachiko. And also zhratiko, sratiko and ssatiko, spatiko, oratico and at night sleep nedavatiko.

There is an opinion that cats and training are incompatible concepts. Nothing like that, my cat trained me in a couple of days.

Hello, my name is Slavik. - Very nice! - It's not for long.

It seems to me that in the status: “I want to understand a woman”, the word “understand” is superfluous.

I immediately realized that nothing would work out with him when I ordered cognac in a cafe, and he ordered ice cream ...

We live once! Yes, even that is not enough. And not so... And not there... And not then...

Tap water cannot be drunk - it is dirty, and fruits and vegetables must be washed with tap water - they will be clean.

If you think about it carefully, then the two main symbols of Russia, the nesting doll and the bottle of vodka, are essentially the same thing. You open one, and then - the second, third, fourth ...

There is no enemy worse than an ally - dolbo..b.

When they say to you: “You are the best!” - you understand that somewhere there was a comparison.

Absolutely good - this is not when you feel very good, but when there is no one around who is even better.

They say it's bad luck if a black cat crosses the road. In the meantime, on the contrary: tejerep Ugorod current yynrech ilse, tezevop en, tyarovog.

It's hard to be kind. Constantly angry at those who are not kind.

Don't let your tongue write a check your ass can't pay for....

She returned, didn’t get laid ... Oh, not like that ... Aaaaaaa, I remembered: She appeared, she didn’t get dusty!

At night, in the refrigerator, Dobry juice hugs other products.

Do you know what really hurts? This is when you lie on the couch, talk on the phone, put your feet up on the wall, and at some point a slipper falls from your foot and right in your eye!

Announcement: Cute bounty is looking for a nice snickers for a regular twix

We all live happily, because some receive a ridiculous salary, while others, laughing, pay it.

Both before and now, people often worked hard for free and on weekends. Such work was called - "for that guy." Only earlier, “that” guy died at the front, and now he is sitting in a Mercedes.

Our life is a constant choice: to whom to entrust our ring finger, and to whom the middle one.

Those who do not know how to steal are sitting in prisons. Those who know how - sit in the offices.

Sometimes you look at a person and realize that he is an asshole. And it happens even worse: you look at a person and you don’t understand that he is an asshole.

Each accident has a surname, name, patronymic.

God, give me strength, patience, and just in case, 1 million dollars.

Do not judge a woman by kilograms, but you will not be judged by centimeters!

Goats and sheep are completely different people!

I'm so illogical that stump, table, thirty-four.

I asked the ash tree what in itself is nothing to itself.

I can’t find the end of the tape, probably the female got caught

While the brain is thinking, the ass has already made a decision!

I so want to cuddle up to someone ... put my lips to my ear and whisper ... GIVE MONEY ...

The worst thing about doing nothing is that you can’t drop everything and go to rest!

She would like to live OTHERWISE, to wear a precious outfit ... But the horses keep galloping and galloping. And the huts are burning and burning.

The left hand is the one with the thumb on the right

Artificial intelligence is bullshit compared to natural stupidity.

Talking to a stranger is more interesting. People you know already know you're an idiot.

Not to be confused, the grandmother named one kitten Barsik, and drowned the second one.

If you want to be right, don't run left; if you want to be first, don't sleep at the wheel. And if you want a queen nearby, first try to become a king yourself.

Evening news always begins with the words "Good evening!", And then the story begins - why this is not so.

A song is when words are put to music, pop is when they put both music and words.

They used to say: “Fuck you!”, And now: “I don’t promise 100%, but I’ll try ...”

It is necessary to be 1st in everything, always have a 2nd half, never be 3rd superfluous, have your own 4 corners so that everything in life is 5, have a 6th sense and be in the 7th heaven from happiness…

The milkmaid, drawing water into the kettle, crumples the faucet out of habit.

According to scientists, 60% of people simulated evolution.

I study and work - I combine unpleasant and useless!
I'll take out the brain, drink blood, shake the nerves, unbalance. In short, I will free your body from excess load!
Nothing invigorates in the morning like a phone that slipped out of your hands and fell on your face at the moment when you rearrange the alarm clock for another 5 minutes.
A husband without a wife is like an oak tree without a woodpecker.
Excellent students! Always let's write off your C students! And then, perhaps years later, they will hire you!

The help of a psychologist is, of course, good! But just yelling obscenities is much cheaper.
It's good to be a sock. You lie to yourself somewhere, they are always looking for you, no one goes anywhere without you. Plus, you have the second half. Bliss.
Everything that is not done before 30. Must be done after!
If you are considered a camel, spit on everyone!
Some have cute dimples on their cheeks, some have a sexy mole above their lip. And I have amazing bags under my eyes.

The former asked to give him farewell sex. I had to remind him that the best gift is a gift made with his own hands.
The water cycle in nature is when you wash your car, the water evaporates from it, turns into a cloud and the next day, bitch, it rains!
If you're nervous, pull yourself together... or give it to the good ones!
As established by Russian scientists, fasting helps not only to normalize weight, but also to pay off the mortgage.
I am one of those people who will post their photo, look at it for two minutes, find all the flaws and delete it to hell.

That we are all about me, yes about me. Let's talk about you! How do you like me?
You can't tell a boring person that he is boring, otherwise he will start to figure out why, and this is so boring.
If you don't take a picture of yourself, no one will take a picture.
Dear Money!!! I miss you very much. I promise to buy you a new wallet. If you want, you can invite your relatives from Europe or America. I will not object - I will accept everyone !!!
I have a cat like a hachiko. And also zhratiko, sratiko and ssatiko, spatiko, oratico and at night sleep nedavatiko.

So I’m wondering… they built the subway… they dug tunnels… but where is the earth dug out from there?
EVERYONE CAN HURT A BOXER... BUT NOT EVERYONE WILL HAVE TO APOLOGIZE.
- Dear, imagine ... you are standing, and around you are greenery, grandmas ... - I say again, I will not go to the dacha !!!
Cocktail with mint leaves - mojito. And a cocktail with hemp leaves is a chihito.
You said that the cat left the dyed hair on your bed, that she scratched your back through your clothes! Yes, I didn’t believe in it for a long time either, until the dog left me a hickey on my neck!