…And follow the rules The manipulations with new phones by Techi described above, be it an innocent request of a friend or cooperation with an intermediary company, are illegal. More administrative punishment in the form of a fine, of course, is unlikely to threaten, but even this sometimes

Rules I follow a few simple rules to avoid trouble on the highway, and to be honest, playing chess at high speed, which is aptly compared to driving, appeals to me. Approximately half of the drivers on the highway enter this game, and with them you can

True courtesy can be defined as favor in small things and consists in the preference given to others every minute in worldly relationships. It is a constant attention to the needs of those with whom we live.
W. Pitt.

Discourteousness is not a special vice, but the result of many vices: empty vanity, lack of a sense of duty, laziness, stupidity, absent-mindedness, arrogance, envy.
J. La Bruyère.

A polite way to not refuse outright is to change the conversation.
B. Gracian.

Courteous manners set off dignity and give them pleasantness.
J. La Bruyère.

Courtesy is the bond that binds people who are strangers to each other.
Germaine de Stael

Courtesy is protection. Culture is a shield.
Anais Nin

Be courteous to everyone, but not infamous.
William Shakespeare

Kindness brightens up: it gilds the “no”, sweetens the truth, browns even old age. In all matters it is important "how"; friendliness, like a sharpie, plays for sure.
Baltasar Gracian y Morales

Let your courtesy serve as a lure for sentiment rather than advantage, or both. Merits alone are not enough, if they do not resort to pleasantness - only it will make you loved.
Baltasar Gracian y Morales

The essence of courtesy is the desire to speak and behave in such a way that our neighbors are pleased with us and with themselves.
Jean le La Bruyère

There is some gracious behavior that seems arrogant.
Robert Walser

The greater the man, the more courteous he is.
Alfred Tennyson

Each person is sensitive to a favorable manner, a pleasant manner of speaking, and an easy courtesy, and all these qualities prepare the ground for higher virtues to be favorably received.
Philip Dormer Stanhope Chesterfield

Courtesy and modesty testify to the true enlightenment of a person.
Honore de Balzac

Courtesy is the main feature of culture, a feigned potion that inspires love in others, as impoliteness is contempt and indignation.
Baltasar Gracian

Excessive courtesy entails a request.
Chinese proverb

Excessive courtesy always hides pride.
Chinese proverb

Courtesy of the mind consists in the ability to think with dignity and refinement.
François de La Rochefoucauld

Courtesy is a prerequisite in dealing with decent people: it teaches them to understand jokes, not to be indignant and not to outrage others with too harsh or arrogant tone, which often appears in those who passionately defend their opinions.
François de La Rochefoucauld

Courtesy will unlock everywhere
Location and trust
And stupid arrogance -
The key to hostility and enmity.
Lope de Vega

Clarity is the courtesy of the people of the pen.
Jules Renard

Excessive courtesy turns into flattery.
Japanese proverb

"Politeness is to the mind what beauty is to the face " Voltaire

By the knowledge of light is meant the knowledge secular customs and courtesy. Politeness as a social virtue is necessary for us in order to be useful and pleasant to others. It is obligatory in secular as well as in business and in general in life relations. Without it, all relations with people become impossible.

Politeness is a quality that we learn and must teach our children, just as we learn to speak correctly and dress with taste. Labrucière said that " one must have very outstanding qualities in order not to need politeness".

Secular and social relations of men and women - obey one general rule, consisting in the indispensable observance of politeness, courtesy and tact, and in the absence of selfishness: guided by this, it is easy to get on the real road.

Entering into the world is an event in the life of a young girl that makes her heart beat faster and her cheeks flush with excitement.

Girl starts to emerge into the light at the age of 16 to 20, depending on her development and also on some circumstances related to her mother and older sisters, she begins to go to theaters, to receptions, balls and dinners, makes all visits with her mother and together with her receive guests at home

Between husband and wife, brother and sister, uncle and niece, cousin and cousin, the distance created by the difference between the sexes should always be felt: on the one hand, modesty and restraint are necessary, on the other, respect and consideration.

A man becomes rough and wild, as soon as he ceases to be polite and attentive. That is why familiarity and perfect freedom in friendship can exist between men or between women, but are inconceivable between a man and a woman. Let us add that it is precisely this slight constraint and restraint that gives a special charm to their mutual relations.

A decent person can only be called one who has nothing to hide from anyone, and who has no reason to blush for any act in his life. A prudent married person does not make friends outside his home: he does not need them, and besides, he knows that such visits involve him in elements alien to family life.
Nevertheless, all men, relying on their strong character, consider themselves entitled to have such friends whom they do not dare to present to their household. From such relationships, however, serious trouble often arises.

When visiting the theatre, persons who have taken a box and invited acquaintances to it give way to these last front seats. If two invited strangers are among themselves, then they both sit in front; if they are members of the same family, then only one of them should take advantage of this courtesy, and the other should decisively refuse.

Walking with her husband and another man, along the street or in the garden, a woman should walk between them: it goes without saying that she goes hand in hand with only one: walking hand in hand with both is extremely ridiculous and ugly. The front seats in the theater are always given to ladies, no matter how respectful the age of the men accompanying them. But in the box of some princess, the minister sits in front of the lady of state of the princess, no matter how noble they are. That is what etiquette requires.

Seeing friends in the theater, it is indecent to make signs to them, and even more so to call them; they simply bow slightly, without getting up from their place; if this is a very important person, he should rise respectfully. During intermissions, men approach familiar ladies, no matter where they sit.
If the ladies are without a gentleman, you should offer to take them to the foyer, and to take them out at the crossing. It is impossible to offer refreshments to strangers if there is no close acquaintance at home, or if they are not relatives. But if a man accompanies ladies to the theater, on the contrary, he should offer them ice cream, soft drinks or sweets.

It goes without saying that a man accompanying a woman, be it his wife, relative or acquaintance, should not leave her to talk to other women or offer them his services. During the intermission he is allowed to leave for a few minutes, to exchange a few words with a friend in the foyer; but he has no right to stay with other women he knows. If other men come to the box to talk with his lady for a few minutes, he can use this time to see his acquaintances, but he is obliged to return before his companion is left alone.

A woman is considered to have lost her position in society from the moment she entered into a reprehensible relationship with a man,

A married woman and a widow can go to church, shop, and visit alone.
A woman who has a husband must not go without him to balls, theaters, or dinners; if he does not like traveling, she is condemned to share his solitude, of course, if she does not have a bride's daughter: in the latter case, the mother is obliged to take her daughter out.

For at the first ball it is customary to dress a young girl in a light, simple, white suit, with a daisy or a rosebud in her hair and a blue or pink ribbon belt. No jewels, except for a strand of pearls. The hairstyle should be simple, without whipped curls and, in particular, without loose hair. The bodice should not be too cleavage.
If the girl has a father, then he introduces her by the arm into the hall, introduces her to his old friends, and the gentlemen who want to dance with his daughter are introduced to him.
A young girl who appears at the first ball in a pink dress trimmed with flowers and ribbons, with gold necklaces and bracelets, would make an extremely unpleasant impression.
From the day of the girl's first appearance in the world, visitors leave business cards for her as well as for her mother; in invitation notes they invite her to evenings and dinners.

The first trip into the light of a young man, just left school. First of all, appearing for the first time at a ball, he must take care of his costume with extreme care, whether it be a tailcoat or a uniform; boots, gloves, hat, tie, hairstyle - everything must be impeccable. Whatever the moral and mental qualities of a young man, he must forget about them and remember that at the ball he is only a dancer and an amiable gentleman. Therefore, he should try to be as attentive as possible to the owners of the house and to his ladies with whom he dances; his helpfulness to ladies young and old, beautiful and ugly, poor and rich, testifies to his excellent education and refinement of feelings.

A woman should avoid receiving social acquaintances in her bedroom; the young girl cannot afford it under any pretext; only a doctor, a close elderly relative, or a priest enters the bedroom, and then only if the patient cannot get up.
The first woman never asks a man about his health; and only after he had inquired about how she felt, she asked him about the same, but casually.

When a woman meets a man she knows in the street, who will have the tactlessness to stop her or go beside her, she must immediately invent an excuse to leave him, either by going into a store or by taking a carriage.

In public places, women mostly sit on the side where fewer people pass by. Leaving a carriage, even a public one, a woman can accept help from a completely stranger and thank him with a kind word.

.Dear person does not compromise a woman, but on the contrary, makes her respect her. But there are people whose mere acquaintance spoils the reputation of a woman. As absurd as it may seem, it is a fact. Neither age nor position means anything here: it's all about the decency of a person.

A woman accepts the services and courtesies of her gentleman, whether he be her husband, or just an acquaintance. She is polite, grateful, but at the same time restrained. She does not force herself to be asked, but rightfully takes for herself the best places everywhere and the best pieces at the table: a woman is a slave who forces her to serve herself, a man is a master who obeys. Her room must be the best in the house. Failure to do all this shows contempt on the part of the husband.

A man is always obliged to help a woman in difficulty, whether she is old or young, beautiful or ugly. In response to her expression of gratitude, he raises his hat and leaves immediately.
It is embarrassing on the part of a woman to refuse these small favors, or to take them for courtship.

A decent woman will never agree to visit a man who has not introduced his wife to her.
During visits, a woman cannot say goodbye and leave with one of the visitors, so as not to give rise to slander; a man should not do the same for a woman.

A young man should not offer a young girl either a bouquet or flowers if she is not his bride, or not a bridesmaid who has him as the best man. However, on occasion, he can offer a flower or a bunch of the girl's mother and herself.
Walking with the ladies, a man can buy bouquets on the street, but only to bring them to all his companions. Never should he allow a woman of his class to buy a bouquet in his presence; he must hasten to pay for it, and the lady must not interfere with him, but out of delicacy, she would do better if she did not wish to buy flowers, knowing what this obliges her gentleman to do.

Tact is the head of everything: possessing it, you will always find a way out of difficulties.
Tact is not exactly the same as common sense, although it follows from this latter, it is a refined feeling, as it were, of a second sight, indicating where and when you need to stop, what is indecent to show, and that, on the contrary, you will make a pleasant impression on the interlocutor. In the world, tact is an enormous resource; he alone can lead a person far: but one should not, however, believe that tact is not needed in the circle of the family.
Tact, like a feeling, cannot be defined, it is something elusive. Therefore, rude characters do not notice him, and only selected impressionable natures know his price.
Sometimes tact is given to a person without education and status, and at the same time, people who are placed very highly are deprived of it.

How should one act in certain cases widow, or single unmarried woman. It is obvious that there are many embarrassing circumstances from which one can get out only with the help of great tact and a deep knowledge of secular customs. There are three very different situations for a single woman: she either does not marry at all, in other words, remains an old maid, or she becomes a widow, or she is separated from her husband.

She must be very discreet in conversation, and is never given precedence in the ceremonial of social etiquette. A young widow must live with her husband's family all the time of mourning; it is necessary; if she is very young, and if the parents of the deceased have no other children, she must live with them until she remarries.
If she has children, she can live alone.

A single woman is not obliged to give dinners in return for those to which she is invited. At the same time, she should not be too secluded, and those people with whom she is not very close, she should show hospitality, receiving them in her house, if she herself intends to visit them. She can invite men to her dinners and evenings, who will then give her a visit on her reception day.

At any age and in any position, however, it is positively impossible for a woman to be alone at evening parties or in the theater. Therefore, it is quite proper in this case to accept the services of a relative, a friend, sometimes even a friend of one of them.

source The book "Life in the light, at home and at court": rules of etiquette intended for the upper strata of Russia "(1890, St. Petersburg http://antikclub.ru/load/club_collectors/books/1/31-1- 0-890

Rules of etiquette for the upper strata of Russia. Part 2

From book "Life in the light, at home and at court" 1890, St. Petersburg- pay attention, friends, how deep the meaning was invested in the concept of secular etiquette, in the days of the nobility, and even now these laws are not outdated, and now we can observe upstarts and arrogant people "clinging" to power, and from the side of the "elite" "Vulgar-familiar behavior is not uncommon. At first it is difficult to read because of the characters of the old font, but then you get used to it and everything becomes intelligible.

Nothing requires such a deep knowledge of the world as social relations.
In a strict sense, it concerns only the relations between the various classes of society, and we constantly meet people who show in this subject the greatest tactlessness.

I was received by an important person who I asked for a favor, will you advise me to bow to him when we meet? and can I talk to him?
- Our answer was: no because your relations are fleeting, and the difference in rank does not allow you to hope for equality between you. If this person wishes to recognize you, then he himself will do this; one should not brag about this very unstable acquaintance, which arose due to mere chance.

The property of relations depends on the causes that gave rise to them. So, an acquaintance made in a salon on the basis of equality, due to the mutual desire of the parties, and for no other reason than mutual sympathy, is simply called secular relations. If, after the first meeting, an invitation comes from either side, it is answered with a visit and a similar invitation; exchanging cards, invitations and all sorts of courtesies, within the framework of secular decorum

If any interest lies at the basis of acquaintance, and if the mutual introduction took place at the request of the interested party, then this is already not secular relations: a visit is made to a superior person, but he is not obliged to either repay it or leave his card.

business relations require no personal courtesies. Outside the study, office or shop, acquaintance ceases, no matter what the situation in society.

They say talent and intelligence replace wealth and nobility. This is absolutely fair, but along with talent and intelligence, it is also necessary to have common sense and self-respect. It happens that a music teacher considers herself equal to a duchess, meanwhile, it may turn out that a musician does not have not only a title, but also talent, while a duchess has both nobility and talent, but does not boast of them.

Most people adhere to the rules of etiquette out of decency and habit: from modesty about oneself and from respect for people. Indeed, a modest and kind person unconsciously understands all shades of secular connections, whatever his position in society.

Tak, the most important and titled chief must always be kind and polite to his subordinates; the subordinate, in turn, if he does not have inappropriate pride, should know that he has nothing to fear from being overly respectful. Respectfulness, modesty and courtesy do not have anything low or bad in themselves, and they should not be confused with servility, as many do by mistake.

True sophistication consists in observing the greatest politeness in everything, down to the most insignificant trifles.

A woman agrees not to be known as a beauty, on the condition that she be called refined; many people are ready to confess that they are neither rich nor noble, knowing that their refinement completely replaces gold and coats of arms; Finally, both mind and talent need refinement just as much as beauty, wealth and nobility need it. Therefore, whoever desires to be sure of refinement must observe the most exquisite courtesy in his secular relations. (Gold words!!!)

Many upstarts, eager to show off their worldly manners, often justify their careless nods to friends when they meet, gritted responses to the politeness of persons below them in the social hierarchy, and their vulgar familiarity with the higher ones, that they imitate models from the highest circle. ; but we may object that these samples are completely devoid of tact and good taste, and, unfortunately, they come across in all strata of society. It is not enough to be born a prince in order to have knowledge of the world, and a worker who knows her place is much smarter in this case than a lady of high society who thunders with her titles.

Knowing one's place is what is difficult! What would happen if the employee did not recognize the supremacy of his superior, soldier-officer, child-parents? (Socialism out?) Let everyone take their place, and social relations will cease to be entangled and spoiled by envy, jealousy, vanity and pride.

To receive an insult from an old man and not think about revenge on him, does not mean humiliation; he is forgiven for the sake of his age and gray hair; in the same way, bowing under the blessing of a bishop or before a marshal's title.

You should never publicly impose your company on a high-ranking person, especially if he is with people of his own circle. Much more pride lies in trying to avoid shame by keeping in the background than trying to get first place.

In general, in all relations between people, even in the closest and most friendly, one must avoid obsession, but on the contrary, try to make others seek your company. But without being intrusive, at the same time you need to express to the extent of friendliness and cordiality.

In all social relations, restraint, condescension and courtesy are necessary.

Chatterbox, envious, ill-wisher, curious - not only capable of quarreling the best friends, causing the greatest misfortunes, making the innocent suffer, but cannot even hope to have friends.

How many troubles and even misfortunes can be caused by one careless word, sometimes spoken without any malicious intent!

Then, it remains only to follow the rules of etiquette and secular life in order to exist in peace and contentment, making those around us as happy as ourselves.

This book, first published in 1890 in St. Petersburg, contains rules of etiquette intended for the upper strata of Russian society at the end of the 19th century. The book consists of four sections, which describe in detail: the behavior of a secular person in society (from the first appearances to the art of dressing); arrangement of home life (from furnishing the premises to the most important events in the family); life away from home (which describes,...(Read more) how to behave in church, theater, travel, etc.); life at court, containing the rules and customs needed when communicating with royalty. In conclusion, the etiquette of writing and the rules for the behavior of men in society are given.

Despite the fact that the book is addressed to representatives of the nobility, the rules contained in it are perceived as an example of elegance, sophistication, sophistication, characteristic of the period of the "Silver Age" of Russian culture. Therefore, the book will be of interest both to professional historians and culturologists, and to a wide range of readers who want to get acquainted with the values, norms and traditions of pre-revolutionary Russia.

Knowledge of the world in general

By the knowledge of the world is meant the knowledge of secular customs and civility, and although many guides have been written on this subject, there is still a lot to be said about it, if not new, then at least useful.

The knowledge of light prescribes different laws to different positions, ages, sexes; These laws are not the same for a secular lady and a philistine, for a young man and an old man, for a young man and a young girl.

What for some would be the height of social decency, it would seem the height of rudeness for others - and we must not forget that knowledge of the world combines customs with politeness.

Great minds say that the knowledge of light comes from the heart and does not need to be subject to rules, that grace, dignity, good manners are innate in persons of good society, and you often have to listen to the impudent remark that you will never acquire these qualities at will, unless you possess them arbitrarily, by birthright. Such speeches are an insult and vile flattery, since reason will tell you that there is nothing to try to acquire what you already have, or modesty to inspire you with humble hopelessness. Without a doubt, a certain amount of tact, common sense has swept away and many feelings replace knowledge of secular rules, and often we are surprised at the observance of decency by people from whom we least expected it; the three qualities mentioned above, as it were, suggest how to act, and prevent a positive violation of the secular decorum. Such a property can be called simply the sensitivity of nature.

The heart teaches us to sympathize with the misfortunes of our neighbors and treat them with kindness, no matter how placed we ourselves are - this is the knowledge of the world; common sense urges us to respect merit, whatever place it may occupy in society - this is politeness; tact tells us when we should say goodbye, so as not to seem intrusive - this is obedience to secular laws.

But as not everyone belongs to exceptional natures, not everyone has tact, common sense and feeling, it is better to humbly follow the known, established rules. Moreover, having the most beautiful heart, you can at the same time not know which corner of the business card should be folded as a sign of condolence and which one as a sign of gratitude!

It would be a mistake, however, to think that it is necessary to obey the slightest rules of etiquette, and that those who do not observe these rules deserve contempt. To ourselves, we must be strict and strictly adhere to courtesy, courtesy, etc., in relations with our neighbors, and regarding these latter, on the contrary, show the greatest indulgence; It is necessary to remember that many sin not intentionally, but out of ignorance, and those who are offended by non-observance of decency in others show even less tact than those who are accused themselves.

One must also be able to avoid petty rules of etiquette that can embarrass the owners of the house, without fail observing the greatest courtesy regarding them.

Permanent confinement in the circle of public ceremonial cools short relationships; one should, however, strictly observe certain shades, giving the owners of the house more freedom than themselves.

Before proceeding to an exposition of the conditions of life in the light of the house and at the Court, we will say a few words about tact, politeness, decency and customs.

Politeness

"Politeness is to the mind, what beauty is to the face," said Voltaire.

Labrucière adds that "it is necessary to have very outstanding qualities in order not to need politeness."

Politeness encompasses all the social virtues we need in order to be useful and pleasing to those around us. It is obligatory in secular as well as in business and in general in life relations. Without it, all relations with people become impossible. Politeness softens morals, prevents quarrels, pacifies irritation and hatred, forcing us to restrain ourselves; thanks to her, we acquire the love of the higher and the respect of the lower.

It replaces friendliness, if, unfortunately, we are deprived of this dignity.

Politeness, neither a quality nor a virtue, is a quality that we learn and must teach our children, just as we learn to speak correctly and dress with taste. Is not politeness the form in which we clothe our actions?

There is an innate courtesy of the heart that cannot be learned, but, we repeat, we do not appeal to the chosen natures, who do not need a leader, but to ordinary mortals, who have human weaknesses, like indifference, frivolity, etc.

Politeness towards inferiors is a sign of real superiority and the best way to get them to be polite too.

Politeness draws rules from secular customs.

It must be instilled in the child from the most tender age, so that later it does not become hypocritical; exaggerated politeness can become an insult to the one to whom it refers, and baseness on the part of the one who renders it. Everything insincere is unnatural and more or less exaggerated.

Life in the world.

Knowledge of the world in general.
By knowledge of the world is meant knowledge of secular customs and courtesy, and although many guides have been written on this subject, there is still a lot to be said about it, if not new, then at least useful.
The knowledge of light prescribes different laws to different positions, ages, sexes; These laws are not the same for a secular lady and a philistine, for a young man and an old man, for a young man and a young girl.
What for some would be the height of secular decency, it would seem the height of rudeness for others - and we must not forget that knowledge of the world combines customs with politeness.
Great minds maintain that the knowledge of the world comes from the heart and does not need to be subject to rules, that grace, dignity, good manners are innate in persons of good society, and you often have to listen to the impudent remark that you will never acquire these qualities at will, if not you possess them arbitrarily, by birthright. Such speeches are an insult and vile flattery, since reason will tell you that there is nothing to try to acquire what you already have, or modesty to inspire you with humble hopelessness. Without a doubt, a certain amount of tact, common sense and feeling replaces the knowledge of secular rules by many, and we are often surprised at the observance of decorum by people from whom it was least expected; the three qualities mentioned above, as it were, suggest how to act, and prevent a positive violation of the secular decorum. Such a property can be called simply the sensitivity of nature.
The heart to teach us to sympathize with the misfortunes of our neighbors and treat them with kindness, no matter how placed we ourselves may be - this is the knowledge of the world; common sense urges us to respect merit, whatever place it may occupy in society - this is politeness; tact tells us when we should say goodbye, so as not to seem intrusive - this is obedience to secular laws.
But just as not everyone belongs to exceptional natures, not everyone has tact, common sense and a feeling, it is better to humbly follow the well-known, established rules. Besides, having the most beautiful heart, you can at the same time not know which corner of the business card should be folded as a sign of condolence and which one as a sign of gratitude!
It would be a mistake, however, to think that it is necessary to obey the smallest rules of etiquette, and that those who do not observe these rules deserve contempt. To ourselves, we must be strict and precisely adhere to politeness, courtesy, etc., in relations with our neighbors, and regarding these latter, on the contrary, show the greatest indulgence; it must be remembered that many sin not intentionally, but out of ignorance, and those who are offended by non-observance of decency in others show even less tact than the accused themselves.
One must also be able to avoid petty rules of etiquette, which can embarrass the owners of the house, by all means respecting their greatest courtesy.
Permanent confinement in the circle of public ceremonial cools short relationships; one should, however, strictly observe certain shades, leaving the owners of the house more freedom than themselves.
Before proceeding to an exposition of the conditions of life in the light of the house and at the Court, we will say a few words about tact, politeness, decency and customs.

Politeness.

"Courtesy is to the mind, what beauty is to the face," said Voltaire.
Labrucière adds that "one must possess very distinguished qualities in order not to need courtesy."

Politeness encompasses all the social virtues we need to be useful and pleasing to others. It is obligatory in secular as well as in business and in general in life relations. Without it, all relations with people become impossible. Politeness softens morals, prevents quarrels, pacifies irritation and hatred, forcing us to restrain ourselves; thanks to her, we acquire the love of the higher and the respect of the lower.
It replaces friendliness, if, unfortunately, we are deprived of this dignity.
Politeness, neither a quality nor a virtue, is a quality that we learn and must teach our children, just as we learn to speak correctly and dress with taste. Is not politeness the form in which we clothe our actions?
There is an innate courtesy of the heart that cannot be learned, but, we repeat, we do not appeal to chosen natures who do not need a leader, but to ordinary mortals who have human weaknesses, like indifference, frivolity, etc.
Politeness towards inferiors is a sign of real superiority and the best way to make them also be polite.
Politeness will draw rules from secular customs.
It must be instilled in the child from the most tender age, so that later it does not become hypocritical; exaggerated politeness can become an insult to the one to whom it refers, and baseness on the part of the one who renders it. Everything insincere is unnatural and more or less exaggerated.

Tact.

Tact is one of the most important conditions of light. Like many other things, tact can be worked out, and there is no need to despair if it is not an inborn quality. It is acquired through meditation and observation; these two acts lead to the formation of a judgment and to recognition; from here tact is born.
Then it is no longer difficult to become loved and respected by everyone, without offending anyone, showing favor to everyone, and, not having a great mind, pass for a well-educated and sweet person. Tact and prudence in many cases replace education and even the heart.
By the way, a gift made, a courtesy said in a timely manner, always has a double price; on the contrary, being out of place, they lose all meaning.
It must be admitted that one who has the highest degree of knowledge of light and decency is not only an elegant, dignified, polite person, but at the same time he is patient, indulgent, kind to the lowest, respectful to the highest, he is sensitive, he never offends anyone. A woman who possesses this knowledge always enjoys a good reputation, never violates decorum, does not make people talk about herself. She has friends, and what is even more, friends, she knows how to raise her children, her house is peaceful, calm, decent, she has no need to be young and beautiful, she is always graceful and involuntarily charms everyone who approaches her.
It is difficult to establish invariable rules for the various circumstances of life, since the manner of action often depends on the position in which people are.
What is impermissible in one case will be decent in another, according to personalities, age, position and situation.
Circumstances govern actions.
Sometimes the strictest etiquette must be followed; sometimes the heart and common sense are the best advisers.
Tact is the head of everything: possessing it, you will always find a way out of difficulties.
Tact is not quite the same as common sense, although it follows from this latter, it is a refined feeling, as it were, of a second sight, indicating where and when it is necessary to stop, what is indecent to show, and that, on the contrary, you will make a pleasant impression on the interlocutor.
Tact suggests how one should dress on various occasions: diamonds are appropriate for visiting a friend who is proud of you, a modest toilet is necessary for a visit to one who loves to excel. There are many, almost imperceptible shades, which tact teaches to notice, forming the most charming character in domestic and social life.
There are individuals with a heart of gold and many virtues, but at the same time extremely awkward. Let us add that for the most part they have enough insight to notice their awkwardness when it is already too late, and, trying to correct the error, increase it still more.
Such personalities will certainly manage to touch your sensitive string, they are attracted like a magnet to a sore spot, carefully hidden from prying eyes.
Despite their best efforts to avoid it, they cannot resist. When visiting a sick person, with the intention of doing something pleasant, they will certainly talk about another patient who died from the same disease. We were witnesses of a conversation between two ladies in a very respectable, but not richly furnished drawing room; there was no chandelier on the ceiling, and the young mistress of the house dreamed of the day when she would buy a chandelier with the money she had saved. The visitor, who was very eager to please the young woman and even had great interest in this, did not find anything better to notice than that a chandelier on the ceiling was necessary.
Who among us does not know such talkers?

To the poor they talk about the wealth of a neighbor, to the unlucky ones about the offensive successes of rivals, to the sick about pleasures that are inaccessible to them, or about the bad course of their illness. Under the slightest circumstances of life, they will always find inappropriate and offensive words, a reminder of what it is desirable to forget.
Sometimes you want to call them evil people; nothing happened: they are only clumsy and indelicate. Evil people often have more tact; at least you can protest and pay in the same coin. We are powerless before the tactless. They are always out of place and do not leave on time; their lack of intelligence sometimes causes more trouble. The tactless never know how to act; they hesitate and always make things worse. I will give a very innocent example. One mother, a woman of the world, saw fit to impress upon her daughter that one should avoid talking face to face with young people. One day a close friend of her brother entered the room where a young girl was sitting with a friend, waiting for her mother to return from a walk. After a few minutes the friend got up to fetch something from the next room. "Wait, I'll go with you," the young girl said at once, thus awkwardly expressing her unwillingness to be left alone with the young man.
It was an exaggerated modesty, and the young man had the right to be offended. Soon after the girl returned to the drawing room, the daughter of the mistress of the house was herself summoned for some reason by the servants, and went out, leaving her friend one or two indiscretions, since, in her opinion, it was indecent! A friend was found, sat down at the piano and began to play in order to avoid a conversation that threatened to be interrupted by an unpleasant silence, and studied music until the mistress of the house appeared. The same young girl, on a similar occasion, summoned her maid to have a third person with her; she obviously did not know how to apply herself to circumstances.
There are characters endowed with innate tact, and it must be confessed that this quality alone makes their company extremely pleasant. Many shortcomings are forgiven them; they never touch a sore spot, but, on the contrary, choose pleasant subjects, stop in time in praise, without turning into flattery or banality, just as in censure, without becoming either cruel or evil. Often they speak much bolder than others, but they know how to choose the right time and expression.
Such persons do not know difficulties; they always extricate themselves from the most awkward positions. Their tact and delicacy are reputed to be kindness, without being it ... but in life one is so often content with one appearance!
And why not admit that tact comes from the heart, which is the source of all delicate feelings?
In the world, tact is an enormous resource; he alone can lead a person far: but one should not, however, believe that tact is not needed in the circle of the family.
Tact, like a feeling, cannot be defined, it is something elusive. Therefore, rude characters do not notice him, and only selected impressionable natures know his price.
Sometimes tact is given to a person without education and status, and at the same time, people who are placed very highly are deprived of it.
Tact indicates which of the visitors to your drawing room should be given honor, what courtesy to say to each of them; tact doubles the price of alms and greetings, deprives mockery of poisonousness and softens reproach. With tact, you can afford almost everything, you can say and write almost everything.
Tact and intelligence are twins and are almost inseparable. Ingenuity spreads more widely, touching the most important subjects. Tact is limited to a more personal area.

The first trips into the world (of a young girl and a young man).

The girl begins to go out into the world at the age of 16 to 20, depending on her development and also on some circumstances related to her mother and older sisters. The expression "begins to come out into the world" does not mean that the girl has hitherto been locked up, away from society; she appeared in the drawing room when she was called there; visited concerts, children's parties; but making visits with her mother, she did not sit with adults, but entered the rooms of her peers. In short, until now she was considered a child, and only when she reached the age of the bride, the doors of secular life opened wide before her. Now she begins to go to theaters, to receptions, balls and dinners, makes all visits with her mother and together with her receive guests at her home.

For the first ball, it is customary to dress a young girl in a light, simple, white suit, with a daisy or a rosebud in her hair and a blue or pink ribbon sash. No jewels, except for a strand of pearls. The hairstyle should be simple, without whipped curls and, in particular, without loose hair. The bodice should not be too cleavage.
If the girl has a father, then he introduces her by the arm into the hall, introduces her to his old friends, and the gentlemen who want to dance with his daughter are introduced to him.
A young girl who appears at the first ball in a pink dress trimmed with flowers and ribbons, with gold necklaces and bracelets, would make an extremely unpleasant impression.
For daytime visits, they wear a short dark suit, outerwear in the waist and a hat - a bonnet. For home receptions, a gray suit (gris-perle) or other suitable fashionable color is preferred.
From the day of the girl's first appearance in the world, visitors leave business cards for her as well as for her mother; in invitation notes they invite her to evenings and dinners.

The first exit into the world of a young man who has just left the school bench is also furnished with certain formalities. First of all, appearing for the first time at a ball, he must take care of his costume with extreme care, whether it be a tailcoat or a uniform; boots, gloves, hat, tie, hairstyle - everything must be impeccable. Whatever the moral and mental qualities of a young man, he must forget about them and remember that at the ball he is only a dancer and an amiable gentleman. Therefore, he should try to be as attentive as possible to the owners of the house and to his ladies with whom he dances. The ability to deftly maneuver between long trains, without stepping on them or breaking them, exposes the youth's belonging to an elegant society; his helpfulness to ladies young and old, beautiful and ugly, poor and rich, testifies to his excellent education and refinement of feelings.

To be continued...