men fall in love

In this article, I will reveal an important secret - which women men fall in love with. Why do they fall in love and how to make a man fall in love. Thinking about your relationship with a once loved one, you can return the old trusting feelings.

No wonder they say - love is blind".

When you first fall in love, you see only positive qualities, gradually starting to notice negative traits. At first, you could consider him the owner of an easy character, and then tell him that he is apathetic and boring. The first days you like his tenderness, and after a few years you begin to consider him a sexual maniac. You were attracted to him by his wanderlust, and now he is a vagabond to you.

However, any assessment is subjective. What is rubbish to one is treasure to another. What you consider a disadvantage in your husband, another may consider a virtue.

It is curious that if he had an affair with another woman, she would notice only the good in him. With her, for the first time in years, he would be himself again.

Most of the men I interviewed, both married and single, claimed to have been captivated by a woman with whom they felt stronger, smarter, more capable than they thought they were before this meeting.

Michael, for example, a quiet and aloof person, told me that he had always been a loner. In company, he listened attentively, but usually hesitated to express his own opinion. But then he met Milinda. “She always said that she loved my easy character,” Michael told me, “Milinda herself was in constant tension, and next to me she felt more calm and peaceful. For the first time in my life, I began to appreciate myself.”

Hank, a stock trader who considers himself an expert in his field, recalled that on every date he tried to impress women with his knowledge. "I even gave them free financial advice. But it was only when Marilyn came into my life that I felt like a genius. She was amazed at how much I knew about different companies. She could listen for hours about the transactions made on the stock exchange in a day. I felt smart with her, because she appreciated my abilities. "

Ken stated that before Karen came into his life, he did not consider himself pretty. "I've never been a woman's favorite before. But we've been married for 27 years, and all these years I feel the most beautiful. Karen always emphasizes how pretty I am. How can I argue with such a wonderful woman who still considers me Adonis?" - he said, looking down and blushing deeply.

Patrick is a bodybuilder. He met his wife at the gym. “I still remember our first meeting. Ann was working out on a nearby machine. Turning to me, she said: “You do these exercises with such ease that they seem very simple. I'm exhausted. "How could I not get to know this woman! And 6 years after the wedding, she, noticing a muscular guy on the beach, always remarks:" And you are in the best shape. "And even to our three-year-old daughter, she praises my physical training," Patrick proudly concluded.

Are you starting to see the picture?

men fall in love because they can feel better being around you.

My husband, for example, fell in love with me in no small part because I always laughed at his jokes. He felt very good because I thought he was so witty. (By the way, I still laugh at his jokes.)

Usually, when a man stops feeling good in your company, he finds another woman. It's not that he's in love with her, it's just that he likes to feel better in her presence.

So if you want rekindle love, then you must act in such a way that he feels good with you. Otherwise, the best you can hope for is to trade him for another man with different strengths and weaknesses.

Imagine you changed your husband to a "fairy prince". He has everything that the previous one did not have. For example, he is very caring, but that is why he has a lot of friends who constantly come to ask for advice. Or he has a 12-year-old daughter with whom he spends too much time. Or a sick mother requiring a lot of energy and money.

Let's consider another option. You finally met a well-earned person, but... The case takes him too much time. Now you feel lonely, which was not the case when you lived with a man who came home at six in the evening. Of one thing I am sure: the longer the married life, the more annoying character traits you will notice in your partner. At least until you learn how to change your attitude instead of trying to change your partner.

Every action causes a response, as, indeed, every character trait. You must learn to respond positively and stop being the judge. If you pay more attention to positive rather than negative traits, you will achieve positive behavior.

Someone said: "Women, when they get married, always hope that their husband will change. And men want to believe that their wife will never change."

Women seem to marry saying, "I know he's got a lot of things I don't like. But wait, I'll take care of him and you won't recognize him."

Men, on the other hand, say, "This woman makes me feel like a king. It's wonderful!" So why do you forget that he wants to feel like a king for the rest of his life.

As soon as you begin to dwell on what you consider weaknesses and even try to change them, then love will begin to fade.

Or maybe it would be easier if we fell in love with someone very similar to us - with the same interests, feelings?

Of course not! And do you know why? Yes, because we all walk this road called "Life" in order to learn and grow. And you will not learn anything by living in complete harmony with another person. Conflict leads to growth, not necessarily divorce.

Many years ago I visited lecture on family relations. One of the listeners asked the lecturer what he thought family's main problem. "The current opinion is that there should be no problems at all," the lecturer replied.

I fully agree with him. Most people think that arguments and disagreements mean something is wrong with the relationship. I think the opposite: relationships cannot be in order without problems and conflicts ...

You must understand that there will always be conflicts, because we are always drawn to people who are different from ourselves. Even if you live alone, then in this case you are not immune from internal contradictions. I, for example, sometimes. very angry with myself, arguing with myself after I say or do something without thinking. And if it's so easy to be dissatisfied with yourself, how can you not be dissatisfied with someone else?

Many listeners told me how conflicts led to the development of their relationship.

Ruth, for example, after 15 years of marriage decided to go to work b. Her husband Matt agreed that it was not a bad idea. But as soon as she started working, it became clear that she could not cope with household chores.

Ruth said that for six months they argued like mad, until they decided that in order to save the family, it was necessary to compromise. They agreed to share the responsibilities equally and found that, in addition to large household chores and ordinary tasks on weekends, at the end of each day they had a whole range of tasks waiting for them: they had to pick up the children from the garden, make purchases, cook dinner and wash the dishes, tidy up the apartment, work out with the children for some time before going to bed ... And thousands and thousands of small things.

A list was made. Every Sunday it was reviewed, and duties for the following week were divided. This approach led to calmer, happier relationships. Ruth gained a sense of self-assertion as she enjoyed her job and contributed to the family budget, while Matt realized just how much Ruth had been doing for the family over the previous 15 years.

If, to avoid arguments, Ruth tried to pose as a superwoman, then the couple's family life would continue to deteriorate. It could even lead to divorce. Instead, through months of conflict, they strengthened the family, as the conflict forced them to understand and change a lot.

The family in which don't argue, most likely to fall apart, and if not, then mutual alienation and hostility will only accumulate without getting out.

I am constantly convinced that people are attracted to precisely those traits that they themselves do not possess. For example, if you like big companies and most of all you like noisy parties, then I can swear that you have a husband sitting at home who hates crowds and dreams of a quiet, calm home environment.

If you are talkative and like to give a detailed account of what you see or hear, then most likely your husband can retell a two-part movie in less than 3 minutes or describe any event in one sentence.

After analyzing why it happens this way and not otherwise, we will see that partners complement each other perfectly.

I am an emotional woman, and I already. long married to a rational man. I can't tell you how many times I've exclaimed, "Oh my God, this is terrible! What should I do?!" Can you imagine what could happen if there was a person next to me who enthusiastically picked up my hysteria and began to rush along with me? Instead, my husband calmly tells me: "Helen, this is not the end of the world, well, look at what is happening with common sense."

Having a long experience of living together behind me, I turned into a much more sensible person, able to solve vital problems on my own. At the same time, my husband has become more sensitive and emotional and does not consider it shameful to shed a tear of tenderness when his son or daughter receives special scholarships.

I am a night owl, which means I have a clear allergy to getting up early. Until 10 am I'm not a person. But my husband wakes up cheerful, sings merrily in the shower, but by 11 pm he is already falling off his feet. Thus, in our house, two personalities coexist, so to speak - morning and evening.

So what have we learned from each other? I enjoyed a short early walk and realized the beauty of pre-dawn nature, and he repeatedly had to dance with me all night long at a party. From time to time, each of us steps on the throat of his habits in order to please the other. But in everyday life, I do not at all force him to stay with me until two in the morning, and my husband never dares to wake me at half past six in the morning.

In my opinion, sometimes it’s worth switching roles in order to try to understand that the partner’s point of view is by no means wrong, it’s just different! And do not impose your opinion in such trifles.

Remember that we are all different. Not better or worse - just different.

In fact, this difference draws us to each other.

Translation from English by M. MINAEVA.

Beginning Grammar of marital communication - marital conflicts part 1.

Grammar of marital communication - Ability to listen and speak. Part 4