How to become a decisive person psychology. Reasons for indecision
From time to time you have to make important decisions. Some more often, some less, but still. And, as practice shows, we all relate to situations related to decision making in different ways.
Some go ahead, others wait for a good moment to “show themselves” or even hope that a good uncle will come and make a decision for them. But it does not happen that always and in everything they help and free from making a decision.
Sooner or later, you yourself will have to become decisive and enterprising. How to become more decisive? How to stop giving in to difficulties?
How to become more determined and bolder?
1. Set a goal.
The presence in a person’s life of a certain one, one way or another, forces him to make certain decisions and take action. It is not necessary to immediately set unattainable goals. You can start small, gradually moving towards high goals that once seemed impossible to you.
2. Work on your self-esteem.
Why are we afraid to make important decisions? Because most often we are not worried about the result, but the opinion of others. Why do people always easily achieve what they want in themselves? Because they don't really care what people think or say about them. It is enough for them that they highly appreciate themselves. Raise, learn to love yourself, and the opinions of others will gradually worry you less and less.
3. Filter the information received from others.
Admit it, you have probably heard such phrases “you won’t succeed”, “don’t spend, nothing will work” and the like more than once in your life. It's all about human psychology. We involuntarily compare ourselves to others and expect them to do the same as we do. However, this is not at all the case. If a friend could not achieve the location of the girl, this does not mean at all that you will not succeed either. If your father or mother could not, this does not mean at all that you cannot achieve success in your work either. Learn not to compare yourself to others, this will add to your determination.
4. Learn to accept defeat.
We often retreat from the intended path at the first difficulties and defeats. We reproach ourselves for what did not work out and are afraid to take the next step so as not to make a mistake again. It is important to understand that no person on earth can know everything and always do the right thing. and misses help us improve and fill in the gaps. Failed? Great! Corrected the error and set to work with renewed vigor!
5. Practice on the little things.
To become more decisive in important matters, you need to learn to make decisions in small things. Do not rush to open a business if it is difficult for you to talk to a stranger, it is scary to answer calls from unknown numbers, it is difficult to say “no” or confess your love to a person you like. Start by making the simplest decisions, and over time you will be able to become more determined and successful in any area of life.
Here are 5 effective tips that will help you become decisive in a very short time! Get started today!!!
The ability to make the right and necessary decisions is not inherent in all people.
Indecision is laid in us from childhood by all and sundry.
Mom scolds the child and at the same time does not forget to say: “You see, you were wrong, but I am always right!”.
At school, teachers hammer into the heads of children an axiom that says only how smart teachers are and what idiots all students are.
And some compassionate neighbor adds fuel to the fire, claiming that you are a terrible, fat, short young man (or lady).
As a result, the child develops and, as a result, indecision.
The child grows up, the complexes may fade into the background, but indecision haunts him throughout his life.
As a result, the young man cannot get acquainted with the girl, changes his mind five times a day and does not contradict anyone.
If in this description you recognize yourself, then you urgently need to think about the question, how to be decisive!
Once you recognize the problem and start working on fixing it, you can easily make the right decisions, move to another city, find a job you love, and even become president.
Causes of indecision or how to become decisive
Realizing your indecision, the first thing you should analyze its origins.
Reasons for indecision can be:
- fear,
- lack of faith in success
- misunderstanding of the end result.
For example, your indecision may be caused by the fear of being rejected when meeting a girl, when applying for a job, or when applying for a competition.
Also, you can be indecisive just because you have lost faith in success.
This usually happens because numerous relatives or friends begin to escalate the situation and tell you about the failure of the event.
If you are indecisive because you do not understand the end result, then you just simply chose the wrong or not your goal.
How to become more determined - forward with a song!
Having talked about the origins of indecision and understanding the true reason, it's time to start fighting with yourself and develop determination.
So let's go!
Tip 1. Imagine what you will lose if you don’t do what you planned
Definitely in your life there were such moments when you did not dare to do something.
Don't repeat the mistakes of the past!
If you can’t decide on something, imagine the consequences of the decision made, feel the taste of a successful outcome. Then think about the situation as if you had given up.
Feel the bitterness of loss and luck slipping out of your sight.
Now do what you have in mind!
Tip 2. Set a specific goal and become determined
Without a specific goal setting, you are unlikely to ever achieve a result.
So at this stage, think carefully about what you really want to achieve?
By the way, your goal should be cherished and sound like “I CAN EVERYTHING!”
If you just think and think, why not - nothing will come of it!
You must passionately want something with all your heart and firmly believe in the success of the event.
For example, at the age of 17, I suddenly decided that I wanted to become a translator.
At that time, I did not know any language, because it was not taught at our school.
Yes, everyone told me.
They said that you need to learn from childhood, and that I will not enter the language institute.
And if I do, I'll be cured after the first semester.
However, I not only entered, but even by the end of my studies I was able to become one of the best students.
Although those who studied languages from kindergarten also studied there.
Therefore, remember that the main thing on the path of becoming more determined is a holy faith in your success.
If everyone around is in doubt, stop sharing your plans for the future with them.
Tip 3. One hundred percent faith in success
And although this advice partially repeats the previous one, it will not be superfluous to repeat it.
Know that if you do not believe in the success of your event, then you will never become decisive.
Why? Yes, everything is simple!
You gathered, for example, you want to, but before that you will think for a long time about the premises, then about suppliers, then about equipment, etc.
As a result, you will rush about, change your decisions every half an hour and never discover anything.
Tip 4: Let go of fear and become determined
Remember, fear will always pull you back.
However, if I ask you to simply stop being afraid, you will certainly not obey.
Therefore, at this stage, learn to fight your fear and look it in the eye.
Or you can use your fear to your advantage.
How important it is to make serious decisions in our life:
Tip 5. Take the first step
Have you ever noticed how easy it is to do something once it has already been started?
But how difficult it was to start this business!
Knowing this simple truth, use it constantly.
Even if you are afraid or, tell yourself that it is scary only at the beginning and feel free to take the first step.
For example, recently I wanted to attend a trial lesson of bakers.
Just out of curiosity.
I confess that I was wildly scared, and thoughts swarmed in my head that I would look like a fool in these courses.
What is the result?
Still, I decided to take the first step and gained useful experience in baking bread.
So do not be afraid of anything and know: to be afraid of wolves - do not go into the forest.
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Better to do and repentwhat not to do and ... repent
Giovanni Boccaccio
What is courage?
A brave man is not one who is not afraid, but one who acts despite fears and doubts.
- Courage is the courage to go into the unknown.
- Courage is when desire is stronger than circumstances.
- Courage is a calm readiness to fail against the backdrop of a firm intention to win.
- Courage is the ability to maintain composure in situations of confrontation.
- Courage is a cold mind + plus a warm heart.
- Courage is the willingness to take responsibility.
- Courage is moving forward without looking back.
- Courage is an essential quality of a strong personality.
What does it mean to be a determined man?
- A decisive man is one who knows how to quickly choose from many options one, the best possible.
- A determined man is one who quickly moves from decision to action.
- A decisive man is one who is not afraid of mistakes and prefers action, albeit imperfect, than excessive delay.
- A determined man is one who is flexible in his actions and is able to quickly change their direction.
- A determined man is someone who takes risks
- A determined man is one who tends to take responsibility for his decisions on his own.
- A determined man is one who analyzes his actions before and after, but not during the action.
Why should a man be bold and decisive?
A man needs to be bold and decisive in order to:
- achieve your goals quickly and efficiently
- be successful, turn your dreams and desires into reality
- give your woman a sense of security, confidence and certainty
- move from words to deeds
- respect yourself
- brush aside interfering fears and doubts
- acquire the necessary life experience and, as a result, know, be able, understand more
Why do I consider myself entitled to be a Life-mentor in the topic of developing courage and determination?
Perhaps my whole life is one continuous manifestation of courage and determination. The fact that someone comes easily and simply, I have always gone through overcoming fears and doubts. But this overcoming is not painful, but rather reckless. I may be scared, incomprehensible, unknown, but I still act. I am doing this because it is very interesting for me! It is interesting to know and realize oneself, it is interesting to expand one's capabilities, it is interesting to translate what was conceived into reality.
My personal key to courage and determination is a passion for non-standard, creative decisions and actions. My creative nature just haunts me. I love turning problems into opportunities. When I'm faced with a worthy challenge or fear, that's like a red rag to the bull for me. This is the challenge I accept. I always go to meet the problem, and do not run away from it. Agree, it's boring to think about how not to lose. It is much more interesting to find and implement solutions to win big!
I always set high standards for myself because the low ones somehow humiliate my human and masculine dignity, deprive me of the passion of the creator. without which I can not imagine my life. As it is sung in the song of Ostap Bender:
About the pleasure of sliding along the edge.
Freeze, angels, look: I'm playing.
Leave the analysis of my sins for the time being,
You will appreciate the beauty of the game!
I am grateful to myself and fate for the fact that there were many difficult situations in my life, but I always preferred action to inaction. As a result, I have accumulated significant life experience, which now works not only for me, but also for my clients.
1. Life is movement. Without action, any dreams, desires and goals are just fantasies. Therefore, any action is better than any inaction. At the very least, you will gain valuable experience. The quantity of actions is more important than their quality. To become bold and decisive, always make the choice in favor of action.
2. Strong energy always defeats the weaker one. A strong desire conquers circumstances. Strong faith breaks down obstacles. The most powerful energy and pressure is the result of total concentration on the goal. Becoming bold and decisive means being uncompromisingly set on success and victory.
3. Only those who do nothing do not make mistakes. Decide what is more important for you: not to make mistakes or to act and learn from the mistakes made? To become bold and decisive means to live according to the scheme: action-error-analysis-action ...
4. The key reason for fears and doubts is negative expectations. Often, instead of imagining how good things will be, the person focuses on how bad things can be. Therefore, either change negative expectations to positive ones, or even better - do not expect anything at all. Just act, and what will be will be. Courage and determination is the concentration on the process, and not the expectation of the result.
5. The distance between desire and action should be minimal. Nothing slows down the development of courage and determination so much as postponing. Speed is the best ally of courageous and determined people. Live now, not in the future!
6. A brave and determined person is distinguished from an insane person by a sober and balanced approach. Your task is to learn how to do this as methodically as possible, so that it takes as little time as possible to process information and make a decision.
7. Another valuable ally in developing the qualities of courage and determination is the attitude to life as a game. Take the serious look off your face, relax, and stop thinking that something might be your only chance. Play! Play around! Take a risk! When you are ..., once you ... - this is not the main thing. Main - shou must go on:)
8. Courage and determination are not the same as aggressiveness. Learn to maintain inner peace against the background of external activity.
9. The real winner is not the one who took the super prize, but the one who feels like a winner. For example, you can run a 40-kilometer marathon and be the last to run, but at the same time be proud that you did not give up and ran to the end. Being bold and decisive means developing a sense of self as a winner. In other words, it’s good to be proud of overcoming yourself and respect yourself for it.
All of us have been taught since childhood that “the courage of the city takes” on the example of fairy tales about heroes and adventure novels. But not all fairy tales explain how the characters managed to cultivate willpower and courage in themselves. They seemed to be born bold and determined! In fact, the way it was: the author's fantasy is free to endow fictional characters with any qualities. But what should we, ordinary people, do without innate prowess and readiness for exploits 24 hours a day?
We have to cultivate self-confidence - day after day, through “I can’t” and “I don’t want to” go in victory over myself, my own doubts and fears. Fortunately or unfortunately, this problem is so widespread that psychologists have already managed to study it and develop a number of recommendations on how to become bolder and more determined. Therefore, on the way to fearlessness, you do not have to reinvent the wheel - you can use proven methods. And this will not be a sign of cowardice - rather, it will maintain a balance between courage and common sense.
Confidence, courage, determination - who needs them and why?
Fear is not such a shameful quality of character. Especially when you consider that it is conceived by nature as a natural and, in fact, a very useful defense mechanism. Just imagine what would happen to humanity if it were completely devoid of fear, apprehension, or at least doubt. It is possible that without these character traits, even our distant ancestors would have fallen victims of their own recklessness and / or the saber-toothed tiger, into whose lair they would have entered boldly and selflessly. So fear itself is not bad and not at all ashamed. It can even be said that it accompanies such valuable traits as prudence and prudence. But at the same time, it is this seemingly useful and necessary tool of the psyche that hinders us in many life situations. It scares me at the thought of the future, prevents me from starting my own business, does not allow me to meet attractive members of the opposite sex, confuses thoughts and words at interviews, and stops us at the threshold of the director’s office, where we went to ask for a well-deserved salary increase.
At the same time, we generalize and conditionally call fear all the negative emotions that we experience in these and similar situations. And then, just as mechanically, we mentally (and sometimes aloud) reproach ourselves for the cowardice shown. But in fact, the range of feelings that a person experiences before making (or not making) any decision is much wider. In order to distinguish between them, you need to come to your senses and realize your state, and then analyze it. Unfortunately, as a rule, there is no time and / or desire for this. But if we ourselves were more attentive to our feelings, we would learn to distinguish them without much effort. In addition to a deeper understanding of oneself, this makes it possible to understand what kind of signals the subconscious gives us. But it “knows” much more than us, that is, the conscious part of our personality. In his arsenal of precautions and warnings, the following emotion-tools are stored and regularly used:
- Uncertainty. It is characteristic of people who put other people's interests above their own. It seems to them that others around them are better, smarter, more beautiful and / or simply worthy of more than themselves. This false attitude is laid in most of us in childhood and it is very difficult to get rid of it. Despite the fact that almost all people are insecure to some extent, this inner feeling makes them manifest themselves in very different ways. Some succumb to the complex and remain quiet and unnecessarily modest to the detriment of themselves. Others try to overcome insecurities with bravado and ostentatious bluster, turning into obnoxiously brash personalities. And only a few find the strength to work on themselves in order to overcome uncertainty or at least find in themselves the levers of its conscious regulation. Often this requires the help of a professional psychologist. And the reward for efforts is a quality opposite to uncertainty - self-confidence and self-confidence.
- Indecision. This feeling is experienced by those who have to do something important, and its strength is directly proportional to the importance of the event. Accordingly, the harm that indecision does to your possible successes also grows. For example, you have been receiving a salary of a certain amount for a year, but prices are rising. In addition, you have a child, you have completed several projects that are beneficial for the company, and in general you want to receive more remuneration for your work. Inspired by these arguments, you decide to talk to your boss about the bonus tomorrow morning. But in front of the door of his office you stop and do not dare to go in. “How to start a conversation?”, “What if he doesn’t agree?”, “Maybe it’s better to wait a couple more months?” - approximately such thoughts are spinning in your head. You will see - because of them you will not see any increase in wages, or even bonuses as your own ears. But if you ignore them and boldly go to the boss, act according to the circumstances and know what you want, then the reward will be a slow but sure upbringing of determination - that is, the ability to go to the intended goal through obstacles and achieve what was planned.
- Doubts. These are the thoughts that undermine your resolve with their imaginary rationality. They really may seem like just common sense arguments, although in fact they are your own excuses, motivated by insecurity, fear of change, and even just plain laziness. Returning to the situation of asking for an increase in salary, it is easy to understand the mechanism of doubt. At the last moment, it suddenly seems to you that you didn’t do much to deserve a bonus, that someone in your team deserves it more than you, that now is not the best time to talk to your boss, etc. and so on. Of course, in most cases, you will follow this inner voice and refuse the planned conversation. Although, if you cope with doubts, you will immediately understand how false they were. This new quality of character for you, the opposite of suspiciousness, is called fortitude.
- Shyness. This is another of the acquired, and not innate qualities of character. It has been noticed that every third child manifests it as they interact with society: first in kindergarten, then at school and further in life. Timid children are afraid to answer at the blackboard, timid teenagers are afraid to communicate with their peers. As a result, smart girls don't get the A's they deserve, and pretty people suffer from loneliness. It is up to parents to prevent shyness from taking root. With care, love, praise and their own example of communicating with friends, they can help the little shy person overcome shyness. This will largely determine the future, adult life of their heir and help him gain faith in himself and love for himself. The opposite of shyness is healthy looseness.
- Fear. A natural regulator of behavior, the sensation of which is caused by certain hormones. The physiological characteristics of each organism provide a different degree of "shyness". Some people faint with fear at the sight of a mouse, others jump into the abyss without fear on an elastic cable. Both are extreme manifestations, and the golden mean allows you to behave reasonably and not run into trouble. The only question is to determine for yourself the appropriate boundaries of fear, beyond which it turns into excessive timidity that prevents you from enjoying life. Courage as opposed to fear is not always and everywhere appropriate. It is needed by the military, doctors, climbers and representatives of other professions and sports associated with imminent danger.
Development of courage and determination
So, you are tired of giving up opportunities, dreaming of success in vain and being bored alone. And this is very good, because it is the first step towards a new life in which you will be bolder, more determined and certainly happier than today. But it won't come tomorrow. Rather, it will come the sooner, the more effort you make for this. And you have to try. But isn't it worth it to be the person you want to be: confident, strong-willed, and even a little sassy? Moreover, working on oneself is one of the most rewarding types of work, because its result not only depends on you, but also completely belongs to you. Therefore, without delay, start making small but important victories over yourself, day by day gradually mastering such useful skills:
- Learn to set the right goals. Motivation is an extremely important, sometimes even determining component of success in any business. If the goal does not inspire you, then most likely you will not find the strength and desire to achieve it. For example, the wording “I want to become bold and courageous” is too vague to work on its own. And if you specify it to “I want to become bold and courageous in order to invite Masha from the neighboring department on a date,” then the goal becomes more understandable and attractive. In general, in order to find the strength to fight within yourself, you must understand what you are fighting for and what rewards await you for courage.
- Don't be lazy. Very often, behind the uncertainty lies an ordinary unwillingness to strain. The habit of being lazy is relaxing, and at the right moment you simply won’t be able to gather your courage and do the right thing. So in developing courage, as in making decisions, learn to overcome reluctance. It is not necessary to immediately storm the fortress - start with small steps that will gradually lead you to success. Every day, win a small victory: smile at a passerby, say a compliment to the seller in the store, give a hand to a girl getting out of the transport. The regularity of such actions is much more important in the matter of self-education than big but rare "feats".
- Trust yourself. Everyone has intuition, developed to a greater or lesser extent. Developed intuition is an excellent adviser and the basis for self-confidence. Learn to listen to your inner voice - the more often you do this, the more often it will turn out to be right. Thus, you will have a solid foundation in order not to doubt the decisions made and confidently go towards your goals. Let your own opinion become the main one for you, and the advice of others - only auxiliary in any situation.
- Trust others. This applies, first of all, to those people whose views on life coincide with yours. These are your friends, like-minded people and those people with whom you do not know yet, but would like to make contact. Well, don’t wait for an opportunity - get to know each other, show friendliness and be friendly with others. Even if you have a negative experience with peers, received in childhood, when other children teased you or refused to accept you in the company. Now you are an adult and know how to distinguish good people from bad ones. Just believe - a good person will not harm you and will become a good friend if you yourself want it. And the bad one is not worthy of your communication anyway, and conflict with him is a sign of fate and protection from potential troubles.
- Become your own friend. Stop berating yourself and making claims. Instead, praise yourself more often. Let every achievement, even the smallest one, be a cause for praise. This is exactly what real friends do: support in endeavors and help when it is difficult. Approval will definitely fix the positive experience in your memory, and each next step will be easier. Also, celebrate victory over yourself. Pamper yourself, please with small pleasant gifts. Sincere self-love is the best basis for self-esteem.
- Don't be afraid of mistakes. Indecisiveness is often the unwillingness to make a mistake. But after all, people who would never make mistakes and always do everything right simply do not exist. And you absolutely do not have to live up to unattainable ideals. Take risks, try something new. Use this technique: imagine in advance the most unfortunate, undesirable outcome of the case. Draw it in your mind and come to terms with it. Now that the worst is already “behind”, it will be easier for you to decide on an act. And you will see that in reality it will not turn into the fiasco that you feared.
- Set your priorities. Correct prioritization helps to fight doubts. In fact, what is more important for you: a momentary weakness or a potential result? As soon as the second bowl of the scales becomes heavier, doubts will dissipate.
- Take care of yourself. It will be much easier for you to overcome shyness if you are sure that you have something to offer others. It is about your experience, knowledge, skills. Read good literature, find an exciting hobby, be interested in contemporary art. On the one hand, this will give you topics for small talk and reasons for making acquaintances. On the other hand, using the example of fictional plots, you will no longer perceive your own complexes as something unique, you will borrow ideas and solutions to problems from the characters. In addition, taking care of your own body and intellect helps to overcome insecurity. Sport brings up fortitude, proper nutrition and the rejection of bad habits - self-love.
- Learn from others. Surely your personal fears seem uniquely large to you. But believe me, most people in the world tend to doubt themselves and exaggerate their own shortcomings. Try to take a closer look at people who seem to you a model of determination. Learn more about their lives and success stories. It is possible that it contains overcoming fears and painstaking work on oneself. The next time you face your own fear, imagine a brave person in your place. How would he act, what would he say? Try to "imitate" him, play his role. This trick often helps develop courage skills.
We all feel from time to time that the process of making decisions is not easy for us. Sometimes we start to delay the decision, and sometimes we let everything take its course. Today we will talk about how to avoid this and learn how to make meaningful and correct decisions.
I hate making decisions. I always envy those who can say: "I felt that this house was just made for us" or "It was a sign for me to do just that." For them, it's easy.
They do not spend sleepless nights thinking about all the pros and cons, and do not seek to find any new details that will help make a decision. This can be seen as a certain gift: they seem to initially know which decision will be correct.
I want the same.
I never woke up feeling like I knew which path I should take in life. And in my life there have never been mysterious signs and insights that would show me the right life strategy.
Like most people, I have to make decisions on my own, all alone, relying only on myself, my thoughts and my experience.
And let's face it - it's not a lot of fun. It's tiring, it's scary, because we often lack knowledge of the situation, we can't predict the future, sometimes we can't figure out what we really want, or we're just plain afraid.
This often causes us to delay making a decision. Sometimes it is really necessary, but more often than not, we wait for things to clear up on their own, but then we start to rethink the situation and end up doing nothing at all. We feel that we are stuck in one place, as if we are chained.
So, how to get out of this state? How to gain control over the situation and overcome your fear and your insecurities?
Not all of us are born with determination, just as not all of us are born athletes. I am one of them. But I know how important it is for health to be active, so I try to walk half the way to work and take the stairs, and not the elevator, where possible. In a similar way, you can create a system of rules that will help you become a more determined person. My system consists of four main parts.
1. Don't waste time and effort on trifles
The decision-making process is often tedious and exhausts all your resources. The more you invest, the more empty you feel. So, if you have to make an important life decision, try to spend as little time and effort as possible on everything else.
Don't spend a lot of time thinking about what pillow you'll get or what jam you'll have for dinner. There is no need to spend time and energy on a routine, set yourself a 5-minute limit for thinking and making decisions related to everyday life.
Simplify, simplify, simplify.
2. Answer yourself the question: what kind of life do you want to live?
It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.
Roy Disney (Walt Disney Company)
Knowing what you want is one of the main conditions by which you can become decisive. When we work on a project and disagree with team members, we always try to remember our original purpose.
You have to figure out what kind of life you want to live; you should clearly state the goal. Take paper and a pen and write, write, write until the answer is clear to you.
Here's what I get. First, completely vague statements come out (for example: I want to draw. But what to draw? I want to write. But what to write, for whom?). After everything is ready, put your creation aside and wait three days, and then re-read what you have written. If nothing clears up yet, give yourself a break for another three days. As a rule, after such a long immersion in the essence of the issue, the desired direction becomes more or less clear to you.
This technique is applicable not only to life in general. You can also ask yourself what kind of people you want around you, what kind of job you want to find, or what kind of relationship would make you happy.
3. Learn to manage your fears
Often we are indecisive because we are afraid of the negative consequences that may materialize if we make a decision. Some fears are irrational, some fears are justified, but one thing is important: if you let everything take its course, you will not win.
Learn to manage your fears. Write them down on paper, evaluate them, and if you realize that they are justified, then draw up a detailed plan for yourself that will help you avoid turning your fears into reality. You should never let your fears influence your decision.
4. Keep track of your physical condition
Numerous studies prove that if you are, for example, hungry, then you will not be able to make a meaningful decision. Maslow's pyramid illustrates this well.
If you are tired, want to eat, sleep or feel unwell - do not strive to make important decisions, but wait until better times, if possible.
