Letter to an alien. Natalia Oleneva - letters to aliens Write a letter to another planet

letter 1

Dear Flora!

In fact, letters are the only genre in which I have something of myself. The point here, apparently, is that I am simply talkative - where a normal person has a word, there I have a whole conversation. Of those whom I know, only my mother, may the Supreme Intelligence prolong her days, and you, dear Flora, surpass me in talkativeness. So I won't be able to speak to you. But you, like many of my friends, love to receive letters, and so I can tell you a lot and receive in response your fragrant letters filled with you. Another thing is your sister Fauna. She is silent, even sullen. It happens that she will not answer “good morning”, and there is no question of writing anything. She won’t even read, even a small note - just look at it and drop it. Do not bother to address her anything. I can write to you about everything that happens to me during the day, even about what you yourself witnessed.

This day, as usual, I spent in complete peace and solitude, broken only by my tame iguana, two beautiful knights repairing the ceiling in the kitchen, my friend Ora, who came into our garden early in the morning for strawberries, Senora Olga - the one who didn’t in your mind - known to you by Valentina and your sister Fauna, without whom not a single day of my life can do. So the day was calm. In the evening, bored, I went out for a walk, taking only the iguana, and walked for a long time in the forest, where I met a Deer. Knowing from experience how timid he was, I did not even try to stroke him, and my delicacy was rewarded - he immediately disappeared into the thicket, from where he brought me one hundred Ukrainian hryvnias in one banknote. He does this about once a month, about the seventh lunar day. Out of a hundred hryvnias, I immediately spent forty - I bought two sheets, blue and pink. I hope that a fine knight, the one that I like more than others, will be able to appreciate them. You don't need to say his name, you know who I mean, but you won't tell anyone for anything - you're great at keeping secrets, not like your sister Fauna.

It becomes dark to write - the sun sets, reflections of pink flashes fall on paper. Tomorrow is going to be a tough day, even if you don't count your sister Fauna. In the morning, Valentina and I were going to have a debate on political topics. The main question is whether to vote for Khryushchenko, or should Khrenukovich be preferred to him? Valentina tends to Khrenukovich, citing the fact that Khryushchenko's fly is unbuttoned all the time. At night I will think whether to agree with her. I'm wearing an orange bow.

Tomorrow I have a new forest walk.

You need to take deer sandwiches with cheese. We must take care of the representatives of the biosphere, but if you knew, dear Flora, how you don't want to get up early. The iguana has a cold and is coughing, so he will stay at home.

With that, farewell, dear friend. If you're in my area, come on in. You can bring mushrooms with you, we'll make fondue.

Yours forever,

Letter 2

Dear Flora!

This morning it occurred to me that it would be nice to look into my purse - the black one that I always carry with me. Recently, it began to seem to me that it is too heavy for me and that it is worth it, perhaps, to take out something not very necessary from it. Here's what I found in her.

1. A notebook with addresses and phone numbers, started last year.

2. Notebook with addresses and phone numbers from 1998 to 2001, thick.

3. A notebook given to me by a friend when we were both in third grade, with addresses and phone numbers from third grade to 1997. It is not known where the notebook disappeared from 1997 to 1998.

4. Visiting card of a lawyer named Tsarelung.

5. A business card of a lawyer, the name is filled with the Crimean Madeira of 1997.

6. Faulty lighter, a gift from a loved one.

7. Photo of the son of my ex-husband's second cousin.

8. Two keys on a ring - one from one door, the second from another, and with them key rings: plexiglass with a view of Sofievsky Park in Uman, a transparent lilac dolphin, a large tiger's eye stone, a faceted glass ball, an "all-seeing eye", a tiny notebook with the image of the dollar on the cover, a total of six pieces.

9. The key to the toilet on a green cord.

10. Pens with red ink, two pieces.

11. A pen with blue ink, a gift from Bella Kleshchenko, a journalist from Moscow.

12. Pen with black ink.

13. Mirror from Turkey.

14. Another mirror, not so beautiful, but bigger.

15. A comb without a handle.

16. A lot of analgin.

17. A paperback novel, I'm embarrassed to say the title.

18. Banana flavored condom. Chewed it, chewed it - no banana, rubber, and that's it.

19. Passport of a citizen of Ukraine with a photo of Pikachu.

20. Three Chinese coins for divination on the Book of Changes.

21. Levomycetin.

22. Pravomycetin.

23. A letter from another city, not even from our country, in a long envelope.

24. A disc with a game about the adventures of either the grasshopper Kuzi or the bear cub Ignashi, for children from 5 to 13 years old.

25. Disappearing powder.

26. Purse. It contains money - 387 hryvnia 73 kopecks. It also contains a picture of an apple, a visiting card of the lawyer Nadezhda Stetsenko, a visiting card of a real estate agent, I won’t tell you the last name, the agent is bullshit, a piece of paper with the phone number of Polina Li’s lawyer, a German dry cleaning discount card and three Chinese coins to lure money.

27. Lipstick, I'm embarrassed to name the company. However, why be ashamed - "Ruby Rose". Pearly pink color.

28. Lots of broken toothpicks.

29. Receipt for a registered letter to another city, not even in this country.

30. A piece of paper with Esther's phone, the manicurist.

31. Floppy disk "Samsung".

Thinking about it, I decided to throw away the damn business card of a lawyer named Tsarelung - although it's a pity, it's such a beautiful orange color. No broken toothpicks are also bad - many of them are not badly broken. Whole toothpicks are always taken from me by your sister Fauna, and what she does with them is unknown. The keyrings here are quite heavy, but they are all dear to me as a memory. I'll throw away the condom, it's useless. Two mirrors are a lot, but one of them is comfortable, and the second is beautiful. In general, nothing else can be thrown away, and I am in despair. If you can, please suggest something.

Forever yours

Letter 3

Dear Flora!

Finally, there is a limit to my patience. How obnoxious is your sister Fauna!

Either she comes to me early in the morning, when I am still sleeping, or late in the evening, when I have already gone to bed for an hour. If I buy myself a cheap blouse that suits me, she tells my guests how much the blouse cost. If I buy an expensive blouse, she buys exactly the same, goes to the same party as me, and even comes fifteen minutes earlier, so that later everyone will say that I have a blouse, like Fauna. As soon as the beautiful knight speaks to me in her presence, she immediately asks if my stomach upset has passed and if my stool is still green. Any noble gentleman who turns his eyes on me, she immediately recognizes as worthless, ugly and in every way unworthy, after which she immediately begins to flirt with him. To the iguana, she says "shove." Your sister is always dissatisfied with everything - the direction of the wind, breakfast dishes, public transport, domestic and wild animals, government and parliament, Jews and goyim, men and women. But it can always be found wherever all of the above is found, as well as in those places where it is not. What to do with your sister? How good, my dear Flora, that you are not like that.

Your M.

Letter 4

Dear aliens!

Thank you for quick response. There are no words to express my joy at the news that you have agreed to consider my resume. I remind you that I proposed my candidacy to fill the vacant position of resident observer. I emphasize that I do not apply for a job related to business trips - this is not the warehouse of my character, and the iguana requires constant attention.

At your request, I will describe in more detail what you call the habitat.

I live in the city of Odessa. The city of Odessa is… how can I explain it to you. This is such a place. A lot of people still live here, much more than it is convenient, but still less than I would like, otherwise you will go out into the street, and all the same people go there, tired, just don’t go out directly. I go to work in the morning, leave at 8.15, and at the corner of Osipov and Chkalov I meet a woman who takes a little girl to kindergarten. If I leave at 8.10, then I will meet her at the corner of Osipov and Kirov, but I will not be able to meet her until I leave at 8.20, and then I will be late for work. The woman looks quite pretty, I'm just tired of everything.

The city of Odessa is a place created for something completely different from what it is used for. Why it was created - I don’t know, but it is used for the life of people who eat, walk on two legs, carry money in their wallets, talk to each other and tell each other that the weather is bad, and there is less and less money. They also indulge in religious cults and political struggle. Political struggle is when people walk down the street for a reason, but with pieces of multi-colored matter of different sizes and shout the same names of two different people. They also litter, that is, they leave substances and objects they do not need in public places.

The climate here is good, only in summer it is hot and dusty, and in winter it is cold and dirty.

On this I say goodbye and remain

waiting for an answer

your M.

Letter 5

Autobiography.

Date of birth - wow!

Place of birth is not here. Not even in this country. You could say it's very far.

Education is bad. I read a lot, especially novels and also about Sherlock Holmes.

Labor biography. Okay, in order.

At the age of sixteen, I washed dishes in the canteen of the fifth workshop of the Sibkabel production association.

At the age of eighteen, I salted cabbage on an industrial scale.

Then I didn't do anything.

Then she taught English to a communist philosopher.

Then she traded in avant-garde icons.

Then she guessed on the cards and was engaged in palmistry.

Then she scammed real estate.

Then she made and sold disappearing powder.

Then she forged documents.

Then she engaged in marriage.

Then she robbed offices.

Then she worked as a proofreader for a newspaper.

Now I'm waiting for offers.

Desired position - alien spy; alien diplomatic and trade representative; translator from / into alien languages.

The minimum wage - well, I don’t even know, but what is the exchange rate of your currency?

Letter 6

Dear Flora!

Hope you and your family are healthy. The flu is rampant, it's just some kind of demon. Through the glass of the winter garden, I see clouds of viruses hitting the glass. Sometimes you have to take a broom and, sticking your hand out the window, drive them away, otherwise the sunlight simply does not enter the windows, it is harmful to the plants. The iguana is bored. Today I did not take her with me to Privoz - it is cold, and she has not yet fully recovered from her illness. On Privoz I bought her two ribbons for her neck - orange and green. I also bought myself a sweater.

I watched an English Christmas movie about twins separated in childhood. I cried a lot. At the sound of my sobs, an angel flew in, about two years old, in a blue knitted jumpsuit with Dalmatians, wept with me. Ate two chocolate chip cookies, drank carrot juice. The previous angel, who watched the last episode of Esmeralda with me, did not drink carrot juice, spat, chewed mint gum. Most angels still like films about children, preferably orphans, bad taste like Curly Sue. Series somehow attract them less, except perhaps those episodes where mothers find lost children, well, and even the last episodes, when everyone finds their happiness. And on this burden, like who said what to whom, and how he looked at whom, and how the company went bankrupt, you will never lure them, I checked.

I saw a toy rabbit with a very plaintive muzzle on Privoz. I didn’t buy it - I couldn’t look at it without tears and I didn’t buy it so as not to be upset. Now I regret it - after all, he remained unpurchased and now lies there, in the market, and I am here, without him.

I must have the flu after all—everything upsets me beyond measure. I'll go take an aspirin and play with the iguana.

Forever yours

letter 7

Dear Flora!

You've already heard about our earthquake. And now I will tell you about the flood in Odessa. It literally happened today. In the morning, an Unknown Woman called me and asked me to pick up a package for Olya Berendeeva. Say, you need to pick her up urgently, since the Unknown Woman is leaving today after dinner, but not earlier than a certain time, since before that she will not be at the agreed place. Literally at four-fifteen she comes, gives me the package, and leaves at four-twenty in a horse-drawn carriage. Waking up, I barely thought to write down the address. Then I went out to the veranda and looked down. There was water in the courtyard, and its level reached the windows of the first floor. The water was rising noticeably, and the cats were already swimming towards the planks of the veranda.

After standing like this for a while, I got upset because I planned to go to the store for cheese in the morning. Anyway, I put on my jacket and went down the stairs. I swim badly, but on the veranda there are boards and sheets of plywood left after the repair of the ceiling in the kitchen. Having somehow tied them with a belt from a bathrobe, I reasoned that it was not far to swim, took an iguana and went to the store. Swimming from the yard to the street, I met my friend Lulu, in a leather coat with a silver fox, swimming breaststroke. Water, meanwhile, was already flowing into the open windows of the first floors.

After buying some cheese, Lulu and I returned home. The first floors were completely flooded, but the water level seems to have stabilized. We drank coffee, and Lulu borrowed two of my boards and went on her way.

For a while, the iguana and I ate cheese and watched TV. So we spent the first half of the day. Then it was time to sail for the package. In general, it was not that far to swim, also to the center, but I have very little experience in waterfowl. The iguana and I boarded the raft, took with us a waterproof bag for the parcel, a balloon for Khryushchenko instead of a rescue equipment, pushed off with a piece of reinforcement left after the repair of the ceiling in the kitchen, and swam. At the corner of Osipov, we met two Chabad Hasidim in a rubber boat, sailing to the synagogue for the Mincha prayer. Towards a jeep drove right along the bottom - and what will happen to him, a jeep, closes the windows and rides. Several old women moved along the walls, holding on to the protruding parts of the buildings. We also moved slowly, pushing off with the rebar from everything that was possible. Approximately at Pushkinskaya corner of Zhukovsky, I got tired. But what was there to do, not to return. On Lastochkino, near the post office, we met your sister Fauna. She floated in a beige baby bath, in her hand she had a thick wire with a hook at the end, and she was busy, apparently, pulling out valuable items from the bottom, lost by citizens who were fleeing in a panic. Several wallets, gold rings and a controlling stake in Lukoil were already drying on the edges of her bath. She did not notice us, busy catching the next catch on the hook.

When we reached our destination and almost got hit by a submerged third tram, we safely met the Unknown Woman, who complained that because of the flood she had to change her plans and leave Odessa by air. Having lowered the parcel to us on a rope from the roof, on which she had been standing all this time, the Unknown Woman climbed up the rope ladder into the basket of the balloon and flew away on it.

We sailed back the same way. The rally continued on Deribasovskaya Street, and judging by the screams coming from there, some of its participants believed that the flood was nothing more than a provocation by Khryushchenko's supporters, while others were sure that everything was planned at Khrenukovich's headquarters. Many have already blown bubbles on the basis of political antagonism, although in such conditions there was no need to talk about any kind of soil. Colored ribbons floated on the surface of the water.

In the area of Chkalov Street, I noticed that the water was subsiding. And as soon as we managed to drag the raft onto the veranda, the water level dropped sharply. Half an hour after our return, all the water in an incomprehensible way went underground. This is where the flood ended.

Nothing else special happened that day, except that I accidentally spilled disappearing powder on Valentine, and now it’s impossible to find her - either she is at home and sleeping, or she used her invisibility and went somewhere.

By the way, dear Flora, Olya Berendeeva still doesn’t know that I have a package for her. So if you see her, tell her to call me.

All the best to you.

Your M.

Letter 8

Dear aliens!

You asked me to write about men and how they differ from women in everyday life. I mean, I take it you know how they differ anatomically. Oh please.

Some people say that I love women. They mean that I love women more than men. And that's how they smile. What can I say to that?

Yes! I like women. Much more than men. Think for yourself, how could it be otherwise. After all, men themselves love women more than men. It's because women are better. And men are worse!

Actually, I know a lot about men, but I find it difficult to systematize this information. So I cite them in order of recollection and far, far from all. What follows is an angry philippic (who does not know, philippic is about what the singer Kirkorov said to that journalist; diatribe).

For example. A man who can fix a leaking faucet in the kitchen says that a man who can't fix a faucet is not a man. And the man who does not know how, says that a real man is the one who earns money, and let the plumber fix the tap. Both of them believe that fixing a tap is a serious matter and gives the man who is busy with it the right to swear, insult his family and demand that they drop everything and bring him a wrench. They also believe that no housework, except that which they do, gives anyone the right to be irritated, express dissatisfaction or procrastinate.

They also kiss ladies' hands and think it's good. That is, imagine, some man, when meeting or meeting, even takes my hand and touches it with his lips. And it's good if the cigarette is extinguished before. And he thinks I should be happy about it. It's like a display of gallantry on his part.

And if a woman doesn't like what they do, they say she's a crazy feminist and lesbian. That is, someone says to me: “You are my sweetie,” and pinches my ass, and if I don’t squeal with joy, then I’m a feminist and a lesbian.

So to hell with him, let him. No woman has ever pinched my ass without asking. In truth, no woman ever tried to pinch me for anything. And not a single woman has ever taken my request to move a closet or help carry a bag as an invitation to sexual intercourse. Although most of the women are more beautiful than men. And they cook better on average, and they don’t brag, and they don’t say that you can’t trust a woman to make barbecue. Men are vain, impatient and cowardly. They cannot think original. Here, “but” is usually put - they say, but where without them? This time there will be no "but". Men will not disappear from this, of course, but they will not wait for a kind word from me either.

Be healthy, dear aliens.

Sincerely yours,

Letter 9

Dear Flora!

Everything seems to be good. Valentina showed up on the first of January, said that the effect of the disappearing powder was over and now she wanted a beer. I lent her two rubles and she disappeared again, this time without my help. Nevertheless, we managed to argue about the sexual behavior of cats and cats. They agreed, however, that cats are terrible males. The iguana is mating, she sits on the windowsill and looks into the misty distance.

Olya Berendeeva arrived on the evening of the first day on a white elephant. We ate cabbage and drank cherry tea. A big hello to you from her. She was very happy with the parcel, she says - very opportunely. She gave me a chocolate bar with mountain air inside.

Valentina left a gift on my table - three white cups with flowers.

A beautiful knight, whose name you know, gave me a set of embroidery threads.

Your sister Fauna sent me a parcel with a postcard and a mother-of-pearl button, which she herself maliciously cut off from my blue velvet jacket.

I received a beautiful purple peignoir from you, thank you very much.

Senora Olga, who is out of her mind, gave me half of the treasure that her late husband had buried on the west side of the house, near the stables. True, this treasure still needs to be dug up. The lady bequeathed me the remains of this treasure, if any after my death, to bequeath to the Society for the Support of Single Mothers. I assured her that even if the treasure was found, there would be no remnants left.

The aliens sent me a ball of unknown material, half transparent, half the color of wet asphalt metallic. What to do with it - I do not know. It actually ticks, so I put it in the kitchen so it wouldn't disturb my sleep. When Valentina appears, I will ask her what to do with him.

My friend Lulu gave me a package with a bottle of champagne and chicken Kiev.

This ended the gifts, except that some could be late if they were sent by international mail. The male iguana may not arrive in the coming days, but I hope to receive him as soon as possible. We chose him together with my iguana, according to the catalog, and chose the one that is prettier, but you know, in the photo for the catalog they are all very cute and this in no way reflects the real state of affairs.

On November 16, 1974, using a radio telescope in the crater of the Arecibo volcano, a series of powerful radio signals was sent towards the constellation Hercules. More than one and a half thousand consecutive radio pulses contained encoded information about humanity. A message was sent to the stars, formed by a sequence of 1679 zeros and ones. The addressee was: the constellation Hercules, the star cluster M-13. It was there, according to project manager Francis Drake, that a highly developed extraterrestrial civilization could be located. Information about the decimal number system of earthlings, the atomic weights of the most important chemical elements, a schematic representation of earthlings, formulas for the main sugars and nucleotides of human DNA, an image of the solar system and a telescope in Arecibo, a diagram of its operation and the diameter of the antenna parabola have gone to the stars. Despite the fact that there was no hope for an answer, it still came.

In 2001, the first alien response was discovered.

In August 2001, in one of the wheat fields in England, near a radio telescope, a huge picture was discovered, also consisting of 73 lines, 23 points each. When the picture was photographed from the plane, there was no doubt: it was a copy of Drake's message, which went to the stars 27 years ago. But when they began to study the message, scientists were surprised to realize that significant changes had been made in it. It wasn't a copy, it was an answer. The alien civilization was not only able to read the message, but also reported its civilization to earthlings in a similar way, which indicates a fairly high level of its development. In the first place, as in the earthly message, was the decimal system, in the second - the atomic weights of chemical elements, indicating the existence of another biological life.

Comparison between us and aliens

By comparing this fragment of the two messages, the researchers found that they differ by one element. As for earthlings, hydrogen, carbon, nitrogen, oxygen and phosphorus turned out to be vital for aliens. But one more new element was added - it is silicon. At that time, many theories were known, proving that biological life can be not only on a carbon-hydrogen basis, as on Earth, but also on silicon-hydrogen. The structure of the molecules in the message was identical to the human one, only the DNA helix itself changed. The growth of the cosmic being, also encrypted in the binary system, turned out to be much less than ours - only 140 centimeters.

The number of unearthly creatures was also indicated

It turned out that the number of alien civilizations is at least twice as large as ours. And finally, the most interesting is the image of the planetary system, where the intelligent species is located. The number of objects of an alien star system turned out to be completely identical to our solar system. At the same time, if in the message of the Drake group one planet of the system was singled out - the habitat of the human species, then in the answer three planets were marked in exactly the same way. But that is not all.

A year later, in 2002, the second message came

In a grain field five miles from the first "letter", an information circle appeared that looked like a huge CD-ROM, and next to it was a portrait of the sender. From the field, the head of a strange creature looked at the people, vaguely resembling a lizard with cat's eyes. Almost all experts actively involved in the study of alien civilizations had a hand in deciphering this message.

And finally, in the fall of 2002, the first version appeared: “Beware of those who bring false gifts and break promises. A lot of pain, but not for long… then comes a piece of damaged text that could not be understood, then again the text of the message. It's good there. We resist deception. The channel is closed.

We were answered by two races

One can speculate about alien "letters" for a long time, but one thing is clear: if the first responding civilization is indifferent to humanity, then the second one may well be aggressive. In addition, it is not known how many other civilizations received a message from Earth.

Write a letter to aliens from another planet. Starting like this: Hello foreigners?? netians. I live on planet earth. Earth is one of the planets of the solar system, etc. In short, something like this

Answers:

Hello aliens. I live on planet earth. It is the third of the planets in the solar system. Our planet has an artificial satellite - the Moon. Only on our planet grow green plants and we can breathe the air. People from our planet are eager to explore other planets. Hope we see you soon. See you!

letter 1

Dear Flora!

Tomorrow I have a new forest walk. You need to take deer sandwiches with cheese. We must take care of the representatives of the biosphere, but if you knew, dear Flora, how you don't want to get up early. The iguana has a cold and is coughing, so he will stay at home.

With that, farewell, dear friend. If you're in my area, come on in. You can bring mushrooms with you, we'll make fondue.

Yours forever,

Letter 2

Dear Flora!

This morning it occurred to me that it would be nice to look into my purse - the black one that I always carry with me. Recently, it began to seem to me that it is too heavy for me and that it is worth, perhaps, taking out something not very necessary from it. Here's what I found in her.

1. A notebook with addresses and phone numbers, started last year.

2. Notebook with addresses and phone numbers from 1998 to 2001, thick.

3. A notebook given to me by a friend when we were both in third grade, with addresses and phone numbers from third grade to 1997. It is not known where the notebook disappeared from 1997 to 1998.

4. Visiting card of a lawyer named Tsarelung.

5. A business card of a lawyer, the name is filled with the Crimean Madeira of 1997.

6. Faulty lighter, a gift from a loved one.

7. Photo of the son of my ex-husband's second cousin.

9. The key to the toilet on a green cord.

10. Pens with red ink, two pieces.

11. A pen with blue ink, a gift from Bella Kleshchenko, a journalist from Moscow.

12. Pen with black ink.

13. Mirror from Turkey.

14. Another mirror, not so beautiful, but bigger.

15. A comb without a handle.

16. A lot of analgin.

17. A paperback novel, I'm embarrassed to say the title.

18. Banana flavored condom. Chewed it, chewed it - no banana, rubber, and that's it.

19. Passport of a citizen of Ukraine with a photo of Pikachu.

20. Three Chinese coins for divination on the Book of Changes.

21. Levomycetin.

22. Pravomycetin.

23. A letter from another city, not even from our country, in a long envelope.

24. A disc with a game about the adventures of either the grasshopper Kuzi or the bear cub Ignashi, for children from 5 to 13 years old.

25. Disappearing powder.

27. Lipstick, I'm embarrassed to name the company. However, why be ashamed - "Ruby Rose". Pearly pink color.

28. Lots of broken toothpicks.

29. Receipt for a registered letter to another city, not even in this country.

30. A piece of paper with Esther's phone, the manicurist.

31. Floppy disk "Samsung".

Forever yours

Letter 3

Dear Flora!

Finally, there is a limit to my patience. How obnoxious is your sister Fauna!

Your M.

Letter 4

Dear aliens!

At your request, I will describe in more detail what you call the habitat.

The climate here is good, only in summer it is hot and dusty, and in winter it is cold and dirty.

On this I say goodbye and remain

waiting for an answer

your M.

Letter 5

Autobiography.

Date of birth - wow!

Place of birth is not here. Not even in this country. You could say it's very far.

Education is bad. I read a lot, especially novels and also about Sherlock Holmes.

Labor biography. Okay, in order.

At the age of sixteen, I washed dishes in the canteen of the fifth workshop of the Sibkabel production association.

At the age of eighteen, I salted cabbage on an industrial scale.

Then I didn't do anything.

Then she taught English to a communist philosopher.

Then she traded in avant-garde icons.

Then she guessed on the cards and was engaged in palmistry.

Then she scammed real estate.

Then she made and sold disappearing powder.

Then she forged documents.

Then she engaged in marriage.

Then she robbed offices.

Then she worked as a proofreader for a newspaper.

Now I'm waiting for offers.

Desired position - alien spy; alien diplomatic and trade representative; translator from / into alien languages.

The minimum wage - well, I don’t even know, but what is the exchange rate of your currency?

Letter 6

Dear Flora!

I must have the flu after all—everything upsets me beyond measure. I'll go take an aspirin and play with the iguana.

Forever yours

letter 7

Dear Flora!

By the way, dear Flora, Olya Berendeeva still doesn’t know that I have a package for her. So if you see her, tell her to call me.

All the best to you.

Your M.

Letter 8

Dear aliens!

You asked me to write about men and how they differ from women in everyday life. I mean, I take it you know how they differ anatomically. Oh please.

Some people say that I love women. They mean that I love women more than men. And that's how they smile. What can I say to that?

Yes! I like women. Much more than men. Think for yourself, how could it be otherwise. After all, men themselves love women more than men. It's because women are better. And men are worse!

Be healthy, dear aliens.

Sincerely yours,

Letter 9

Dear Flora!

Valentina left a gift on my table - three white cups with flowers.

A beautiful knight, whose name you know, gave me a set of embroidery threads.

Your sister Fauna sent me a parcel with a postcard and a mother-of-pearl button, which she herself maliciously cut off from my blue velvet jacket.

I received a beautiful purple peignoir from you, thank you very much.

My friend Lulu gave me a package with a bottle of champagne and chicken Kiev.

On this I say goodbye, I look forward to your letters and to visit you.

Forever yours

Letter 10

Hello, beautiful knight who appears in my dreams!

Since you only appear to me in my dreams, I thought it would be safe to write to you.

And you know how it is. Once I wrote letters to a knight for two months, and then he sold them to a magazine. It would be better if I sold them to the magazine myself, at least I would receive money. Then there was another case: I wrote letters to one knight, and another knight stole them from the mailbox and then made scandals for me. Oh, I completely forgot, even earlier there was such a case: I wrote letters to one knight, and another knight found and read them, and then went and unscrewed the head of the first knight. Since then, I have become very meticulous about the style and spelling - so that the next time my letters are stolen, I will not be ashamed of them.

And you appear in a dream, so you won't be jealous of that beautiful knight who wears my colors - well, yes, my colors, and also my potatoes from the market and my rubbish to the dustbin. I'll put a letter to you under my pillow. And then you, if you exist somewhere in reality, you can get it in a dream.

End of introductory segment.

Dear Flora!

With that, farewell, dear friend. If you're in my area, come on in. You can bring mushrooms with you, we'll make fondue.

Yours forever,

Dear Flora!

This morning it occurred to me that it would be nice to look into my purse - the black one that I always carry with me. Recently, it began to seem to me that it is too heavy for me and that it is worth, perhaps, taking out something not very necessary from it. Here's what I found in her.

1. A notebook with addresses and phone numbers, started last year.

2. Notebook with addresses and phone numbers from 1998 to 2001, thick.

3. A notebook given to me by a friend when we were both in third grade, with addresses and phone numbers from third grade to 1997. It is not known where the notebook disappeared from 1997 to 1998.

4. Visiting card of a lawyer named Tsarelung.

5. A business card of a lawyer, the name is filled with the Crimean Madeira of 1997.

6. Faulty lighter, a gift from a loved one.

7. Photo of the son of my ex-husband's second cousin.

9. The key to the toilet on a green cord.

10. Pens with red ink, two pieces.

11. A pen with blue ink, a gift from Bella Kleshchenko, a journalist from Moscow.

12. Pen with black ink.

13. Mirror from Turkey.

14. Another mirror, not so beautiful, but bigger.

15. A comb without a handle.

16. A lot of analgin.