A selection of witty jokes and caustic phrases. Trick - aphorisms, sayings, quotes

And I’ll tell you, brothers: if scientists don’t lie, that first monkey that managed to give birth to a man was cunning!

Aristophanes

It is a shame for a person to be cunning like a fox; one should not be a saddle bag.

Francis Bacon

There is no greater harm to a power than mistaking cunning for wisdom.

Immanuel Kant

Cunning is a very limited people and very different from the mind which it outwardly resembles.

Kozma Prutkov

When speaking to a sly person, weigh your answer.

Jean de La Bruyère

There are times in life when the most subtle trick is simplicity and frankness.

Francois VI de La Rochefoucauld

You can be more cunning than another, but you cannot be more cunning than everyone else.

John Locke

The trouble is that cunning helps only once, and then it always only gets in the way.

No one has ever managed to be so cunning as to hide this quality of theirs.

Honore Mirabeau

Cunning is the talent of egoists.

George Saville

Courtiers devote so much time to their cunning that they forget about the cunning of their enemies.

Sophia Segur

Cunning is the small coin of falsity.

He is no longer the cunning one whom everyone says is cunning.

Henry Fielding

People who are too cunning often make mistakes by imagining others to be smarter, or better yet, more cunning than they actually are.

Felix Hvalibug

He who is famous for his cunning is not very cunning.

author unknown

When dealing with constantly cunning people, you must always not lose sight of their goals. With such people it is better to say little and say what they least expect.

Anyone who knows how to suggest that he is not very cunning is no longer simple.

From cunning to trickery there is one step, the transition from the first to the second is very easy: just add a lie to cunning, and you get trickery.

By pretending that we have fallen into a trap set for us, we are showing a truly subtle cunning, because it is easiest to deceive a person when he is about to deceive us.

Cunning is the weapon of the weak and the mind of the blind.

How are cool expressions and phrases useful? For any occasion in life, some people always have jokes, jokes, sayings that can help others. A witty, ironic, cheerful person endures adversity more easily and will not be at a loss for words.

Reality sometimes presents not the most pleasant surprises. Overload in the workplace, stressful situations V own home, uncertainty about friends, work colleagues, and even tomorrow in general, it often leads to a loss of strength. It goes without saying that at such moments my soul is just scratching like cats. What to do in such turbulent times?

What will help relieve stress?

Many people, finding themselves victims of unexpected pressure, try to seek, if not oblivion, then recharge, in the regular use of various stimulants. Moreover, some of them begin to support themselves with relatively safe energy drinks, and end their lives as avid drug addicts.

Even our favorite tea is one of these energy drinks. It is known that tea can lift your spirits for no apparent reason. However, over time, this can lead to true chemical dependence. Therefore, it is much better to relieve stress by remembering and using cool expressions for any occasion.

Will humor and jokes help cope with stress?

Jokes and gags that are appropriate to the situation can improve your mood and relieve stress without any additional chemical doping. It is for this reason that the article is devoted to humorous expressions applicable in a variety of life situations .

By reading it, you will not only improve your mood here and now. By remembering some of these expressions, you can cheer yourself up whenever the need arises. Moreover, such a beneficial effect will have virtually no side effects.

The main thing here is not to overdo it when communicating with people who do not understand humor. After all, some can condemn even the most innocent joke, and light sarcasm for them is like a personal insult!

When can funny expressions about life be used in speech?

If you can't change the situation, change your attitude towards it. This is the cultivation of positive character traits that help you move through life easier, quickly find new friends and help old ones. Cool expressions, filled with subtle humor, will help defuse the situation in almost any situation. They can be used both when something went wrong and when the heart is filled with joy. The most important thing is that the interlocutor is on the same emotional wavelength with you. If this condition is met, neither you nor your listeners will be bored.

Examples of the coolest expressions about family life

In this block you will find the most famous funny expressions that can be used when communicating with family members. It is especially recommended that the male half study this block: do not forget that women love witty people. Introducing our TOP 10:

Marital ties are a difficult matter, so they are usually carried out by two people, and sometimes by three people.
Lover from first marriage.
A woman’s naivety: even watching porn films, she hopes that sex will end in marriage.
A declaration of love is like a signal of the exact time. It is true only at the moment of utterance.
My trembling half.
You and I are of the same blood - you are Chuk, I am Gek.
When it’s raining and sad outside, nag your husband - create an atmosphere of comfort.
It's better to be jealous of a woman's stove than her computer.
My children are concerned about where everything came from, and I am concerned about where everything went.
Happiness is when the desired moments coincide with the inevitable ones.
A strong marriage is a humble husband and wife who treats him like a king.

Cool expressions on vacation

To fill your holiday with smiles and fun, you can use almost any jokes and gags. The most suitable ones would be funny expressions from films. If none come to mind, remember something from the following TOP:

One drop of nicotine will kill a horse, three hundred can kill
A quickly drunk glass cannot be considered full.
Today you don’t drink with us, but tomorrow you will betray your homeland.
Eat, be full, dear guests. If you have completely lost your conscience, then you can come tomorrow.
WITH smart people It's nice to talk, but hard to work.
My life is passing away so quickly, as if she is no longer interested in me.
There are no ugly women - there are underfunded ones.
To make a woman happy, sometimes allow her to do nothing.
A person who values life will not distort it with dirty thoughts.
Monogamous will make only one person unhappy.

and expressions appropriate in line to see a doctor

Are you going to see the doctor again? Don't despair! Our coolest expressions, presented in the following TOP, can make a visit to the doctor easy and fun:

Visit the website of the dental clinic - www.zubov.net.
One head is already good, but the body will also come in handy.
The patient refused an autopsy, so the doctor was forced to treat him.
The doctor cannot prolong life, so he prolongs the disease.
The doctor asks the patient with a knife in his back: “Are you in a lot of pain?” - No, it only gets unpleasant when I laugh.
Medicines are so expensive that as long as you earn money on them, time will heal.
New version of the Hippocratic oath: only upon presentation of an insurance policy...
This is what our Predictionmus suffered.
The more free the healthcare is, the more expensive the medicines.
It was a beautiful leg... Give me the second one!

Cool expressions to use during a quarrel

Of course, quarrels are not the most pleasant thing. But even they can be made less painful if you learn to “send away” people you don’t like more or less beautifully. Below is the next TOP, in which you will find expressions with meaning, cool insults to cultural people:

How much will the principles be on your exchange today?
Of course, everyone wants to be honest... But they want to be rich more.
Yes, it’s high time to weed your head.
Grunting is new sign consent!
There are simply no unbearable people, there are only narrow doors.
Who made such a face at you?
Let it be rubbish. But take as much as you want!
I noticed by your alarm clock’s face that you’re getting ready to ring again.
There is no need to stage thoughts here.
And I don’t want to live, and I’m too lazy to shoot myself.

Cool expressions about gray everyday life

Cool expressions about life are an opportunity to brighten up gray everyday life. Want to see this for yourself? Read the following TOP:

Soon they will start imprisoning all the malicious bribe defaulters.
Don't smile at me like a tax inspector.
I'm having more and more prophetic nightmares.
To be completely happy, I want to survive.
The 112 service received another call. The rescuers were upset, but decided not to pick up the phone.
If a bald spot is a path trampled by thoughts, then I am the most thinking person!
Even New Year someone hates. Well, for example, Christmas trees.
To eat so much, you will have to eat.
If you are always surrounded by fools, then you are the most important of them.
I’d rather be covered in sweat seven times than frost once.

Cool expressions used instead of insults

There are people to whom you can explain it 1000 times, repeat it - it’s all useless! However, even in this case, you should not despair and be sad. After all, cool expressions for communicating with an unpleasant interlocutor can be suitable in slippery situations. Communication with “especially gifted” people is no exception. To find out how to point out to such people the stupidity of their situation, remember a few expressions from the following TOP:

Sewerage is the only thing that can unite you and me.
I see you are smart! I see that the skull is too tight. I can fix it.
Smile wider, the boss needs more idiots.
Don't make me nervous! I already have nowhere to hide corpses!
There is only one hero. When there are many heroes, they are called hooligans.
I see that soon someone will get away with a slight fright.
You won't have to wait long for a warning shot to the head.
Be careful, take care of yourself, don't let your brain think.
If I get up I'm afraid nuclear war will ruin such a wonderful day for you.
More and more often I feel an irresistible desire to obscenely admire your behavior.

Cool expressions to help you admit your mistake

Oddly enough, funny ones can smooth out the situation when you don’t want to laugh at all. One of these situations is the need to admit your own mistakes. To find out what you can say in such an inconvenient case, check out the next TOP:

The source of my wisdom is my experience. The source of my experience is my stupidity.
There are people who don’t make mistakes, which means they are simply afraid to act.
Our delusions will die before us, so there is no need to make a mummy out of them.
Experience is a thing that you get instead of what you wanted.
Experience is a thing that appears immediately after it was needed.
I won’t try to explain anything in between slaps. And it will turn out unclear, and you will have to repeat it.
Why commit the sin of despondency because of mistakes when there are plenty of more pleasant sins around!
Today I am quieter than water and funnier than grass.
And yet, I didn’t manage to break all the decency today.
Wisdom is not about not making mistakes, but about not repeating them.

Descriptions of news and other recent events

Watching the news these days can be just as stressful as talking to an angry boss. Our final TOP “Cool catchphrases about modern life":

On election day, people cast ballots.
Also say that Lenin was a skinhead!
The main thing is to win. After all, the winners will not be imprisoned.
Walking at night is the easiest way to commit suicide.
Debauchery is any sex in which you are not involved.
The longer I think about it, the more convinced I am that Eve not only ate forbidden apple, but also made a fashionable bag out of the poor Snake.
If I'm on a plane, I'll choose a seat in the front. If the plane crashes, the beer cart will pass by me again! At least I'll get drunk before I die.
It seems that rare steaks of the second group will soon become the most common dish.
Driver, beware of places where children can suddenly jump out!
Psychoanalysis is the brain's efforts to obtain pleasure intended for another organ.

A little more about the benefits and expressions in everyday life

If an article on the topic “Cool expressions for any occasion” will motivate at least someone not to resort to various chemical doping just to cope with negative impact stress, which means it was not written in vain.

Of course, constant stress is an unpleasant thing, but you can and should learn to cope with it without medication. Is it difficult? Not really. It will be difficult only at the very beginning. These difficulties can especially affect those who have already become dependent on some chemical substances.

If we're talking about about drug addiction or advanced alcoholism, in order to overcome the addiction, you will most likely have to consult a narcologist.

However, most readers do not fall into this demographic. This means you can train your own mind to successfully cope with stress. To achieve this goal without serious difficulties, you need to learn how to switch from what upsets you to the exact opposite moments. It won't be long before you notice that achieving this goal is not difficult at all. The main thing here is not to let yourself get wound up!

After all, if someone from your environment behaves rudely, it is his problem, not yours. Why waste your energy on other people's problems? And even if you were wrong: what will the hassle and bitter tears give? Isn't it better to just draw the right conclusions and not repeat past missteps and mistakes?

The media will rain down a barrage of negative news on us in an endless stream. And what does this give? Will there be fewer wars? Will planes stop crashing? All drivers and pedestrians will learn to follow the rules traffic? Unfortunately, all these questions can be considered rhetorical. Therefore, you still shouldn’t worry too much about everything that the media brings down on us. Let's live in harmony with our nervous system. And constant stress has never prolonged anyone’s health!

Therefore, the only thing that can really help us is right attitude to everything that happens both in the world around us and directly in our lives. It is easier to endure any difficulties in a calm state of mind. A best helpers in a constant struggle with stress, apathy, depression and constant fear - we ourselves. The ability to control your own consciousness, to have cool phrases and expressions in stock is one of the types of positive survival.

Continue to look at your life with a smile, endure difficulties with a cool head and notice the positive aspects in any situation. And most importantly - stop worrying about trifles! Life loves those who take it easy! And then everything in your life will be just wonderful!

It is impossible to imagine our life without laughter and smiles, without humor and fun. Therefore, from time to time, each of us needs to step away from everyday worries, relax and have at least a little fun. Cool phrases And funny sayings- a sure wonderful remedy for quick recovery good mood. Cool phrases and statuses are very popular because they describe exciting moments in the lives of many people in a humorous way. They will help you amaze your interlocutors with your wit, as well as amuse your friends, colleagues, bored company or guests at a holiday party. Cool expressions can also be useful to “defuse” tense situations or in awkward situations when you need to correct your mistake.
There are many wonderful funny phrases and expressions. I tried to select the best, coolest “phrases” that, in my opinion, deserve most attention. Read, and let no one be left without a smile!

My character, of course, is not sugar, but I was not created to be added to tea!
If I ever die because of a man, it will be from laughing.
I'm neither good nor bad. I am kind with an evil stripe!
I only have one life and I can't afford to be unhappy!
I thought I was special, but it turned out I was better than everyone else...
It’s not enough to know your worth—you also need to be in demand.
What it is, you can’t put it back!!!
So what if the wind is in my head, but my thoughts are always fresh...
Where have you seen a cat that cares what mice say about it?
If you spit in my back, it means I'm ahead of you!
Don't tell me what to do and I won't tell you where to go!
If you want me to be an angel, organize heaven for me!
My life is my rules. If you don't like my rules, don't interfere in my life.
Not noticed in vicious relationships... Wasn’t it? No... Not noticed!
You need to live in such a way that others experience depression!
When will they learn to conduct light in women's handbags?! I really need it!!!
We are strong women: we will take out the trash and brains if necessary!
I'm losing weight on three diets! (I can’t get enough of two...)
He eats - I cook, he wears - I wash, he scatters - I clean. And what would I do without him...
Women's folk pastime: I came up with it myself, I was offended myself.
I’m like champagne: I can be playful, but I can also hit you in the head...
I really want to be a weak woman, but, as luck would have it, the horses are galloping, the huts are on fire...
Sometimes my husband shudders from me... Still, I am an amazing woman!!!
The girls are standing on the sidelines, fiddling with handkerchiefs in their hands... Because for every ten girls, according to statistics: 1 is gay, 4 are alcoholics, 2 are divorced, 2 are drug addicts and 1 is normal, but he is married...
What is the difference between fake love and real love? Fake: “I like the snowflakes on your hair!” The real one: “Fool, why without a hat?”
If a woman has sparkles in her eyes, it means the cockroaches in her head are celebrating something.
- How to drive a girl crazy?
- Give her a lot of money and close all the stores!
Men, let’s do the laundry, clean, cook, iron….and we want you!
I really want to cuddle up to someone, put my lips to my ear and whisper...: “Give me money!”
Sometimes I open my closet, look at it for a long time and realize that I’m keeping two-thirds of my clothes in case I go crazy.
Classic women's wardrobe: Nothing to wear. There is nowhere to hang it. It would be a pity to throw it away... And there is also a section “Suddenly I’ll lose weight”...
You need to smile so widely that problems stumble over your smile!
An optimist is a person who, even if he falls face first into the mud, is sure that it is healing!
Girls, who wanted to lose weight by spring?.. It’s too late to rush around, let’s take it with charm!
This morning, while I was putting on makeup, I fainted 5 times from my beauty...
Previously, I lived alone and all my things were lying haphazardly in their places, but now I’m married and all my things are neatly and beautifully lying in an unknown place...
I want fate to take me by the hair and head straight into happiness, happiness, happiness.
A woman should be loved, happy, beautiful! And she doesn’t owe anyone anything anymore!!!
The smartest plant is the horseradish: it knows everything...
Now I live only by this principle: whoever wants it will come, whoever needs it will call, whoever is bored will find it! And who cares, those don’t care!
All men are bastards! They all only need one thing! But why, why not from me-me-me?!
I would send you, but I can see you from there!
Women are not interested in wimps only if those wimps are men.
If you think that life is wonderful, then the antidepressants are chosen correctly.
If there are nails on the feet, then there should be hands on the hands, and animals generally have bast shoes!
There is nothing better in the world than creaking your bed until dawn!
Judging by the way life fucks me, I'm sexy as fuck!
The robbers demand your purse or your life, the women demand both.
Never do evil out of spite! Nasty things must come from the heart!
The smarter a woman is, the more sophisticated and varied she blows her man away!
Any dirty trick can be put to proper use if there is a desire...
Queens are never upset. When they are sad, they simply execute someone...
The weaker sex is stronger than the stronger sex due to the weakness of the stronger sex towards the weaker.
Long live split personality - shortest path to peace of mind!
Our spring is late, our summer is delayed... And autumn, the bastard, is punctual!
I’m a woman—evil comes as standard!
Don't you want to be nice? - Let's remove the Vaseline!
I am a creative woman. I want - I create, I want - I create...
With a teaspoon in my pocket, with a bald cactus in my hand, I’m going to scare the old woman who lives in the attic, I’ll poke him with a spoon, I’ll order him to sit on the cactus... I’m a bit of a fool - I have a certificate!..
Vasilisa was a magician... If she waves her right sleeve - a lake... If she waves her left sleeve - swans... She waves another 200 grams - and the hallucinations are more complicated...
Happiness is when you have a doctor, a cop, a lawyer and a killer among your friends. Immediately life becomes somehow easier...
There are people, like a drug - you know what you can’t do, but you’re drawn to it. And there are people like cake - sweet, tasty, but sick...
I want to be like a bear: to eat in the summer and hibernate in the winter. And I lost weight, and slept well, and didn’t see frost!
Grandfather Frost, I behaved well for a whole year... and now can I kill someone???
Caught goldfish. She listened to me very carefully and said: “Fry!”
And they carry me away, and carry me away, into the colored ringing crap, three white horses, two red elephants, a penguin, a hippopotamus and a deer.
What doesn’t kill us, we regret it very much later.
I am the air. Don't try to hold it back. Breathe while I let myself breathe...
My beloved told me: “You are evil in the flesh!” Well, I'll implement it. I'm very obedient. And if for some reason he needs it, then how can I ignore the request!
I’m a very good cook... I can cook noodles... Brew porridge... Add oil... In general, I’m a clever wizard.
“Sunny, I love you!” - excellent status! And all the suns are pleasant, and you won’t get burned...
- You need to treat a girl carefully, like a Christmas tree.
— Knock it out and take it home?
— My child is being reprimanded strangers! How to react?
— Teach your child magic spell: “My mother teaches me that not every value judgment should serve as a behavior modifier.” When pronounced with clear diction and confident, benevolent intonation, it acts similarly to the spell: “Petrify!” And more reliably. Although not for long. But without dangerous side effects.
You begin to understand that everything is really bad when the person who usually calms everyone down cries...
As my grandmother used to say, it’s better to shoot, reload and shoot again than to shine a flashlight and ask “who’s there?”
In any situation, say “everything is going according to plan” - you never know what kind of fucking plan you have.
Sometimes it becomes so cool that something that was once so important has become so irrelevant...
And I will leave without noticing any offense.
Chewing a chocolate candy.
And may the evil horse love you,
And not a sunshine like me.
“Darling, is it true that I’m your only one?”
- Have you all come to an agreement today, or what!?
A woman, like fire, should not be left unattended. Either it will go out, or it will burn everything to hell!!!
Alcohol does not help you find the answer, it helps you forget the question...
Darling, you insist so much on our relationship with you... I don’t understand, do you have a nervous system made of reinforced concrete or a lifelong reservation in a madhouse?
Sometimes you think: this is it, happiness! But no, damn it, experience again...
You drown a person, and it seems so sad, but then bubbles appear, so good, and your heart rejoices.
It’s easy to understand women’s logic; just learn how to play billiards with cubes.
You only need to sort things out with those with whom you have these relationships. The rest - why don't they go to the shore of silence, collect shells...
Happiness is when the previous shit has already ended, and the next one has not yet begun.
Cockroaches in the head are still normal. The problem is when the squirrel starts chasing them out...
A black cat crossing your path means that the animal is going somewhere. Don't complicate things!..
You need to return to the woman as quickly as possible. So quickly that she doesn’t have time to understand that she’s fine without you.
If you love it, set it free. If he doesn't come back, track him down and kill him.
There are a lot of other people's nerves in the world - there's no point in worrying about your own!
I bought cockroach chalk! Now it’s quiet and calm in my head... they sit, draw...
You'll send someone rashly. And in your soul you worry: did you get there?... didn’t you get there?...
- Who are you?
— good fairy!
- Why with an axe?
- Yes, the mood is not very good...
She got up on the wrong foot, sat on the wrong broom and generally flew in the wrong direction...
Give me wings, otherwise the broom will leave splinters all over my ass!
In general, I love raspberry pies. Of course, they don’t reciprocate, but they don’t behave like bastards either!
— What will you order?
- I, please, have nerves, intelligence, calmness and s*zma... Yes, more s*zma, please.
Don't be a cheapskate - give the person a second chance. Don't be an idiot - never give a third.
Nerves are in shock, brains are in a trance, and logic has completely gone and shot itself.
If my mother taught me to be cultured, this does not mean that I will not kick you in the eye, as my father taught me!
A realist is someone who doesn't care whether the glass is half full or half empty. For him, what's in the glass is more important.
No matter what the rake teaches, the heart believes in miracles...
It's amazing how much some people enjoy romantic walks along the rake.
If you constantly step on the same rake, then it’s a fucking rake!
Smile more often - and the thicket will smile at you!
Yes, I'm not an angel, but flying on a broom is faster.
Everyone thinks that every girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. No matter how it is! Our dream is to eat and not gain weight!
All women are angels, but if you cut their wings, they start flying on a broom.
A man should be able to do two things: set fire to huts and scare horses, so that his woman has something to do and not blow his brains out.
...and yet it is IMPORTANT that the butterflies in the stomach come to an agreement with the cockroaches in the head!
Yesterday, it seemed, I had gained my wits... Today I woke up - but no, I just gained my wits...
I don’t promise to lead you to sin, but I will…
There’s no need to offend me, I’m a vulnerable girl, the first thing brings me to tears... And then teary eyes it’s so difficult to understand who the shovel hit...
This morning they showed such horrors in the mirror...
I don't drink flowers or sweets!
- Girl, why haven’t we met yet?
- God will take care of you, stupid creature...
I have no excess weight. I have it as a spare.
Female philologist: bright multiple sarcasms on the first date.
While men, being boys, play war games and cars, women, being girls, immediately prepare to manipulate people and play with dolls.
It’s better to be a beloved mischief than to be a perfection that no one needs.
Listen to the voice of reason... Do you hear? Do you hear what crap he is talking about?!
For a woman to go to bed with a man, she needs a feeling of closeness, trust and a strong connection. A man's place is mainly...
Squirrels eat snow. What are you doing to make winter end?
People who helped spring and ate snow, why did you also eat asphalt?
A glassblower accidentally sneezed at work and created a new vase for the Ikea store.
If things don't go the way you want, it's not your business, let them pass by.
Don't know how to relieve stress? Don't wear it!!!
It is incorrect to say “the toad is strangling.” It should be like this: “amphibiotropic asphyxia happened to me”
Koala macaque dipped in cocoa. The koala lazily lapped cocoa...
Squirrels in gaiters poke around cedar kernels in the depths of the tundra. In the depths of the tundra, otters in gaiters are digging for cedar kernels in buckets! Having torn out the leggings of an otter in the tundra, I wiped the cedar kernels with the otter, wiped the otter's face with the leggings - the kernels into buckets, the otter into the tundra.
Having washed the leggings in the swamp, putting the kernels in buckets, the otters and the squirrels in an embrace quietly finished the jar... While finishing the moonshine, the otters danced a jig, the squirrels tried on the leggings, muttering that they had seen a worse holiday in the tundra.
I speak English with only a dictionary, but I’m still shy with people...
When sliding under the table, do not forget to politely say goodbye to your guests.
There is a genius sleeping within each of us. And every day it gets stronger and stronger...
I don’t know what you’re taking for your head, but it’s clearly not helping you!
Sorry for what I say when you interrupt...
A beautiful woman pleases the male gaze, an ugly woman pleases the female gaze!
There are no perpetual motion machines in the world, but there are plenty of perpetual brakes!
Take care of your Motherland! Vacation abroad!
I am constantly haunted by smart thoughts, but I find myself faster...
Everyone is spoiled to the best of their ability.
If a gentleman says to a lady, “I understand you perfectly,” he means, “You say twice as much as you need to”!
If you leave your husband correctly, he will definitely return... like a boomerang.
If you want to bring a person to sclerosis, give him a loan.
Looking at how some accumulate good, others begin to accumulate evil.
There are so many interesting things in this life and so few people are interested.
If you want to marry a smart, beautiful and rich woman, marry three times.
Sclerosis cannot be cured, but you can forget about it.
If you cannot be a star in the sky, at least become a lamp in the house.
A man, even if he could understand what a woman was thinking, would still not believe it.
The best way to organize a panic is to ask everyone to remain calm.
Everyone wants to have a good time, but you won't have one.
Tell me I'm wrong and I'll tell you who you are.
What a pity that you are finally leaving!..
Lost conscience. I ask the finder not to worry and keep it for himself.

Every action has its reaction. Therefore, when a situation requires an immediate response, there is no need to restrain yourself and remain silent. The main thing is to do it beautifully and sophisticatedly, so that everyone around applauds. It's time to learn how to be rude so as not to stoop to the level of the offender.

35 beautiful and non-standard responses to rudeness

1. To talk with you on the same level, I need to lie down!..

2. I don’t know what you eat for breakfast, but it really works! Intelligence tends to zero!

3. Just don’t take the headphones out of your ears. God forbid, you chill your brain from the inside with a draft.

4. Should I see a psychologist? Of course not, Thanks a lot for good advice, but you shouldn’t compare everyone to yourself.

5. You will open your mouth at the dentist.

6. To shock me, you will have to say something smart.

7. One more beep from your platform and your dental composition will move.

8. May you celebrate your wedding at McDonald's.

9. If I had the pleasure of communicating with bitches, I would have had a dog long ago.

10. Uma - like a shell.

11. Looking at you, I begin to understand that nothing human is alien to God. He has a great sense of humor.

12. Talk, talk... I always yawn when I'm interested!

13. You would decorate the world with your absence, before I take sin on my soul!

14. From positive qualities You only have the Rh factor.

15. I live opposite the cemetery. If you show off, you will live opposite me.

16. Is it you that everyone loves? Oh, well, yes, love is evil...

17. So that you could cover yourself with a teaspoon in the bathhouse!

18. - Girl, are you bored? - Not that much...

19. Your right to own opinion does not oblige me to listen to nonsense.

20. - “Thank you” cannot be put in your pocket. - You will carry it in your hands!!!

21. Hey, you little rose! The tulip is out of here, otherwise you’ll turn gray like a dahlia!

22. I came to you with greetings, with an iron and a gun.

24. It is better to be silent intelligently than to speak stupidly.

25. Is this a bunch of words, or do I need to think about it?

26. Sorry for not living up to your stereotypes.

27. In some heads thoughts come to die.

28. Him: Shall we go to you or shall we go to me? She: At the same time. You - to yourself, and I - to myself.

29. Has the verbal oil well dried up?

30. Madhouse on the road, psychos in nature!

31. What are you watching? Are you in a museum or what? I'll arrange it for you now cultural event in two acts without intermission! If I give you a slap, your head will fly off.

32. What do you think, that if you yell at me louder, I will listen more quietly?

33. Now you can take your glasses home from me. In different pockets.

34. Your style of speech reminds me of the bazaar talk of the distant nineties at the end of the last century.

35. And don't laugh! Laughing for no reason is a sign that a person is either an idiot or a pretty girl. If you want to convince me of the latter, first shave.

Now let’s look at how to respond in certain specific situations.

1. Agree with the person insulting you (classic):

- Yes, you are a complete fool and an idiot!

- Yes. I have a certificate too! Do you think it’s very smart to prove something to a fool?

- You're just a fool!

- Agree! This is because you constantly have to talk to fools.

– I’m not satisfied with your answers!

– What questions, such answers!

- Yes, I’m smarter than all of you combined!

- Certainly! After all, you are crazy. I wish I had a watchman for this shed...

2. Take a statement directed at you to the point of absurdity:

- Hey, slow down!

– I can’t, there must be only one brake. (It’s impossible, our pair already has one brake!)

- What are you doing?

- I'm doing it in my pants.

– Are you scamming me now?

– Who do you consider yourself to be now: a bee or a rabbit?

3. Turn a negative statement into a positive one:

- You are a horse!

– If it weren’t for the suckers, where would you be now?

- There are only idiots around!

– Is it unusual for you to feel smart?

– What kind of phone is being grabbed when I’m talking to you?!

– I also prefer to talk to smart people!

4. Press the person “too weakly.” After all, no one likes to feel like a weakling:

– You’re dancing somehow badly...

– I’m not dancing, I’m just moving my legs so you don’t crush them on me... (And you know how great I am at cross-stitching!)

-What are you babbling about?

- It’s strange, but others like my speech... Don’t you have a sense of beauty or a hearing problem?

– Are you pretending to be smart?

– Do you have problems communicating with smart people?

5. What do you want?

- Well, why are you quiet?

– Did you already want to get to the surgeon’s table by this time?

- Well, who is brave here?

– You talk to me as if your subscription to the emergency room is disappearing.

– You are a simple housewife!

– Would you like me to be a currency prostitute?

And remember: rudeness must be fought, but not with tears. The main thing is not to let your opponent understand that he has achieved his goal and asserted himself at your expense. This kind of behavior needs to be nipped in the bud.

This is why we are indignant at people who are disingenuous with us, because they consider themselves smarter than us.
Francois La Rochefoucauld

You can be more cunning than another, but you cannot be more cunning than everyone else.
Francois La Rochefoucauld

He who is famous for his cunning is not very cunning.
Felix Hvalibug

Don't set a mousetrap if you yourself are suitable as bait.
Wieslaw Brudzinski

The cunning man fights while the wise man yields.
Karel Capek

It is a shame for a person to be cunning like a fox; one should not be a saddle bag.
Aristophanes

When dealing with constantly cunning people, you must always not lose sight of their goals. With such people it is better to say little and say what they least expect.
F. Bacon

Everyone tries to be smart, and those who cannot be are almost always cunning.
S. Johnson

Undoubtedly, slyness, like intelligence, is expressed on the face. But some have learned to skillfully retouch their portraits to look smart.
V. Zubkov

Cunning is the way of thinking of very limited people and is very different from the mind that it resembles in appearance.
I. Kant

Cunning is not intelligence, but only hard work instincts caused by lack of intelligence.
V. Klyuchevsky

You think that this person has fooled you; and if he pretends to be fooled, then who is more fooled: he or you?
J. Labruyère

Anyone who knows how to suggest that he is not very cunning is no longer simple.
J. Labruyère

Cunning is a quality that is neither too commendable nor too reprehensible, it is something between a vice and a virtue; There are almost no cases where it could not and should not be replaced by prudence.
J. Labruyère

The highest skill is to know the true price of everything.
F. La Rochefoucauld

Cunning and treachery indicate only deficiencies in dexterity.
F. La Rochefoucauld

Cunning is a sign of a narrow mind.
F. La Rochefoucauld

No one has ever managed to be so cunning as to hide this quality of theirs.
D. Locke

Lies have a constant companion - cunning.
D. Locke

Cunning is only the absence of reason: not being able to achieve its goals in direct ways, it tries to achieve them in roguish, roundabout ways; and her trouble is that cunning helps only once, and then it always only gets in the way.
D. Locke

Cunning people despise knowledge, simpletons are amazed at it, wise people use it.
T. Macaulay

Cunning is the talent of egoists and can only deceive fools who mistake glibness for intelligence, seriousness for prudence, shamelessness for talent, pride for dignity.
O. Mirabeau

Crafty people are usually simple, not complex in nature.
F. Nietzsche

Cunning is a gloomy temple of mediocrity.
F. Chesterfield

The trouble is that we try to solve the simplest questions cunningly, and therefore make them unusually complex.
A. Chekhov

Dexterity in comparison with cunning is the same as dexterity of hands in comparison with cheating.
N. Chamfort

If the fox just sticks its muzzle in, its body will follow.
W. Shakespeare

The dexterity of a rogue, however, does not atone for trickery, but fraud in large size always elevates the cheater. Emptying someone else's pocket is shameful, hiding a million is daring, but stealing a crown is an infinitely great thing. The greater the vice, the less shame there is.
F. Schiller