Cool expressions and phrases for any occasion. Cool phrases, funny sayings

It doesn’t matter if you take a kitten or a man into your home! For six months, a cute little pug, and then a cunning, arrogant fellow!

Not everything beautiful can be rationally conveyed in words. It happens that you like it madly, but it comes out of your mouth: “fuck!”

All instructions in Russian must begin with the words: “Well, you idiot, have you already broken it?”

I haven’t said, “Go to hell!” for a long time now. I say: “Everyone stay in their places!”

If a girl asks you to leave her alone, leave her alone. Just don't leave her alone under any circumstances! In short, good luck to you, brother.

Worms always whine that they live in the ass. This is a biography. Only outside the ass they are not viable. This is biology.

Today I went to bed at 22-00. It's already 3-10, and I still can't get enough of the fact that I went to bed so early!

People need to be trusted. Not money, of course. Or secrets. And so - in general.

The hardest thing to keep is a promise to yourself. You know: if anything happens, they will understand and forgive you.

“You can’t” only happens to those who don’t ask.

Those who don't take risks... drink vodka at the wake of the one who took the risk.

When I was little, I really wanted to grow up. Who knew there was such a setup here...

If it’s possible, let alone necessary, then somehow I don’t really want to.

The healing properties of horseradish: if you put it on something, it immediately becomes easier.

Wisdom is an age-related slowdown in brain function, leading to the inability to make hasty decisions.

I hung a talisman over the door against all evil spirits, went out to the store, came back... the key in the door broke... I can’t go in...

What if Lenin lies in the mausoleum because he was bewitched by an evil fairy, and if you kiss him, the spell will subside and the USSR will return?

Those who tell you about me tell me about you. Never forget this.

Everyone is showing off, absolutely everyone. And those who don’t show off, then show off by not showing off.

In case of fire, follow the sequence! First - leave the building, then - write to social networks: VK, Odnoklassniki, Facebook, Twitter...

Conscience is like that... It torments not those whom it should torment, but those who have it.

We have a coffee machine at work. I have already lost my salary to him.

If you're reading this SMS, it means I'm already drunk.

The rooster saw the chicken in the microwave and said: “The loaf is vigorous... there is no one in the village to lay eggs, but here she rides on the carousel!”

The man's tail fell away, but the need to wag it remained.

You need to borrow money from pessimists, they know in advance that they will not be given back

Sitting up to your ears in shit, you can’t really open your mouth.

Organs are like organs and just an ass, a mass entertainer

Malvina’s story proved that a woman can easily fall in love with a man, even if he has a wooden head, but at least he has a golden key.

It's cool to be fat. You immediately understand why you don't have personal life. And when you’re thin, look for reasons, guess, suffer.

Working is not a woman's job. A woman must go to work to show off her new dresses!

You walk like this with a mug of tea in your hands and a book. And instead of a book you throw tea on the bed...

Previously, when I had no money, I associated it with lack of work. Now I have a job. But apparently I'm doing something wrong.

They say you won't be lucky if your breasts are smaller than your stomach.

You can’t earn all the money, you can’t fuck all the women, you can’t drink all the vodka... but did that ever stop men?

The secret of my always great health and constant good mood? Vegetarianism, yoga and some meat and vodka for dinner!

I love weekends! You can get to work quickly and without traffic jams.

Tomorrow is a mythical place where you run in the morning, live life to the fullest and solve your life problems.

Progress... Smart glasses, smart watches, smart sneakers, smart microwaves... Only stupid people remain.

Have you noticed that if you are the last one to enter a compartment, you feel as if you are visiting?

I have eternal problems– I constantly say something wrong: “put on” instead of “put on”, “go to hell” instead of “okay, I’ll listen to your comments”….

When choosing a life partner, do not forget that in your free time from sex you will also have to talk about something.

I woke up early to walk around longer with a dissatisfied face.

Man was born for happiness, and not “to obey”! Vasilisa, 4 years old.

Frigid - they are only frigid in bed, but their needs are like everyone else.

A woman, when choosing one of two men, hesitates only when she does not need either one or the other.

Ah... I'll give it! - Eva decided.

Why are they useful? funny expressions and phrases? For any occasion in life, some people always have jokes, jokes, sayings that can help others. Witty, ironic, cheerful man He endures adversity more easily and does not mince his words.

Reality sometimes presents not the most pleasant surprises. Overload in the workplace, stressful situations V own home, uncertainty about friends, work colleagues, and even tomorrow in general, it often leads to a loss of strength. It goes without saying that at such moments my soul is just scratching like cats. What to do in such turbulent times?

What will help relieve stress?

Many people, finding themselves victims of unexpected pressure, try to seek, if not oblivion, then recharge, in the regular use of various stimulants. Moreover, some of them begin to support themselves with relatively safe energy drinks, and end their lives as avid drug addicts.

Even our favorite tea is one of these energy drinks. It is known that tea can lift your spirits for no apparent reason. However, over time, this can lead to true chemical dependence. Therefore, it is much better to relieve stress by remembering and using cool expressions for any occasion.

Will humor and jokes help cope with stress?

Jokes and gags that are appropriate to the situation can improve your mood and relieve stress without any additional chemical doping. It is for this reason that the article is devoted to humorous expressions applicable in a variety of life situations .

By reading it, you will not only improve your mood here and now. By remembering some of these expressions, you can cheer yourself up whenever the need arises. Moreover, such a beneficial effect will have virtually no side effects.

The main thing here is not to overdo it when communicating with people who do not understand humor. After all, some can condemn even the most innocent joke, and light sarcasm for them is like a personal insult!

When can funny expressions about life be used in speech?

If you can't change the situation, change your attitude towards it. This is the cultivation of positive character traits that help you move through life easier, quickly find new friends and help old ones. Cool expressions filled with subtle humor will help defuse the situation in almost any situation. They can be used both when something went wrong and when the heart is filled with joy. The most important thing is that the interlocutor is on the same emotional wavelength with you. If this condition is met, neither you nor your listeners will be bored.

Examples of the coolest expressions about family life

In this block you will find the most famous funny expressions that can be used when communicating with family members. It is especially recommended that the male half study this block: do not forget that women love witty people. Introducing our TOP 10:

Marital ties are a difficult matter, so they are usually carried out by two people, and sometimes by three people.
Lover from first marriage.
A woman’s naivety: even watching porn films, she hopes that sex will end in marriage.
A declaration of love is like a signal of the exact time. It is true only at the moment of utterance.
My trembling half.
You and I are of the same blood - you are Chuk, I am Gek.
When it’s raining and sad outside, nag your husband - create an atmosphere of comfort.
It's better to be jealous of a woman's stove than her computer.
My children are concerned about where everything came from, and I am concerned about where everything went.
Happiness is when the desired moments coincide with the inevitable ones.
A strong marriage is a humble husband and wife who treats him like a king.

Cool expressions on vacation

To fill your holiday with smiles and fun, you can use almost any jokes and gags. The most suitable ones would be funny expressions from films. If none come to mind, remember something from the following TOP:

One drop of nicotine will kill a horse, three hundred can kill
A quickly drunk glass cannot be considered full.
Today you don’t drink with us, but tomorrow you will betray your homeland.
Eat, be full, dear guests. If you have completely lost your conscience, then you can come tomorrow.
WITH smart people It's nice to talk, but hard to work.
My life is passing away so quickly, as if she is no longer interested in me.
There are no ugly women - there are underfunded ones.
To make a woman happy, sometimes allow her to do nothing.
A person who values life will not distort it with dirty thoughts.
Monogamous will make only one person unhappy.

and expressions appropriate in line to see a doctor

Are you going to see the doctor again? Don't despair! Our coolest expressions, presented in the following TOP, can make a visit to the doctor easy and fun:

Visit the website of the dental clinic - www.zubov.net.
One head is already good, but the body will also come in handy.
The patient refused an autopsy, so the doctor was forced to treat him.
The doctor cannot prolong life, so he prolongs the disease.
The doctor asks the patient with a knife in his back: “Are you in a lot of pain?” - No, it only gets unpleasant when I laugh.
Medicines are so expensive that as long as you earn money on them, time will heal.
New version of the Hippocratic oath: only upon presentation of an insurance policy...
This is what our Predictionmus suffered.
The more free the healthcare is, the more expensive the medicines.
It was a beautiful leg... Give me the second one!

Cool expressions to use during a quarrel

Of course, quarrels are not the most pleasant thing. But even they can be made less painful if you learn to “send away” people you don’t like more or less beautifully. Below is the next TOP, in which you will find expressions with meaning, cool insults to cultural people:

How much will the principles be on your exchange today?
Of course, everyone wants to be honest... But they want to be rich more.
Yes, it’s high time to weed your head.
Grunting is new sign consent!
There are simply no unbearable people, there are only narrow doors.
Who made such a face at you?
Let it be rubbish. But take as much as you want!
I noticed by your alarm clock’s face that you’re getting ready to ring again.
There is no need to stage thoughts here.
And I don’t want to live, and I’m too lazy to shoot myself.

Cool expressions about gray everyday life

Cool expressions about life are an opportunity to brighten up gray everyday life. Want to see this for yourself? Read the following TOP:

Soon they will start imprisoning all the malicious bribe defaulters.
Don't smile at me like a tax inspector.
I'm having more and more prophetic nightmares.
To be completely happy, I want to survive.
The 112 service received another call. The rescuers were upset, but decided not to pick up the phone.
If a bald spot is a path trampled by thoughts, then I am the most thinking person!
Even New Year someone hates. Well, for example, Christmas trees.
To eat so much, you will have to eat.
If you are always surrounded by fools, then you are the most important of them.
I’d rather be covered in sweat seven times than frost once.

Cool expressions used instead of insults

There are people to whom you can explain it 1000 times, repeat it - it’s all useless! However, even in this case, you should not despair and be sad. After all, cool expressions for communicating with an unpleasant interlocutor can be suitable in slippery situations. Communication with “especially gifted” people is no exception. To find out how to point out to such people the stupidity of their situation, remember a few expressions from the following TOP:

Sewerage is the only thing that can unite you and me.
I see you are smart! I see that the skull is too tight. I can fix it.
Smile wider, the boss needs more idiots.
Don't make me nervous! I already have nowhere to hide corpses!
There is only one hero. When there are many heroes, they are called hooligans.
I see that soon someone will get away with a slight fright.
You won't have to wait long for a warning shot to the head.
Be careful, take care of yourself, don't let your brain think.
If I get up I'm afraid nuclear war will ruin such a wonderful day for you.
More and more often I feel an irresistible desire to obscenely admire your behavior.

Cool expressions to help you admit your mistake

Oddly enough, funny ones can smooth out the situation when you don’t want to laugh at all. One of these situations is the need to admit your own mistakes. To find out what you can say in such an inconvenient case, check out the next TOP:

The source of my wisdom is my experience. The source of my experience is my stupidity.
There are people who don’t make mistakes, which means they are simply afraid to act.
Our delusions will die before us, so there is no need to make a mummy out of them.
Experience is a thing that you get instead of what you wanted.
Experience is a thing that appears immediately after it was needed.
I won’t try to explain anything in between slaps. And it will turn out unclear, and you will have to repeat it.
Why commit the sin of despondency because of mistakes when there are plenty of more pleasant sins around!
Today I am quieter than water and funnier than grass.
And yet, I didn’t manage to break all the decency today.
Wisdom is not about not making mistakes, but about not repeating them.

Descriptions of news and other recent events

Watching the news these days can be just as stressful as talking to an angry boss. Our final TOP “Cool catchphrases about modern life":

On election day, people cast ballots.
Also say that Lenin was a skinhead!
The main thing is to win. After all, the winners will not be imprisoned.
Walking at night is the easiest way to commit suicide.
Debauchery is any sex in which you are not involved.
The longer I think about it, the more convinced I am that Eve not only ate forbidden apple, but also made a fashionable bag out of the poor Snake.
If I'm on a plane, I'll choose a seat in the front. If the plane crashes, the beer cart will pass by me again! At least I'll get drunk before I die.
It seems that rare steaks of the second group will soon become the most common dish.
Driver, beware of places where children can suddenly jump out!
Psychoanalysis is the brain's efforts to obtain pleasure intended for another organ.

A little more about the benefits and expressions in everyday life

If an article on the topic “Cool expressions for any occasion” will motivate at least someone not to resort to various chemical doping just to cope with negative impact stress, which means it was not written in vain.

Of course, constant stress is an unpleasant thing, but you can and should learn to cope with it without medication. Is it difficult? Not really. It will be difficult only at the very beginning. These difficulties can especially affect those who have already become dependent on some chemical substances.

If we're talking about about drug addiction or advanced alcoholism, in order to overcome the addiction, you will most likely have to consult a narcologist.

However, most readers do not fall into this demographic. This means you can train your own mind to successfully cope with stress. To achieve this goal without serious difficulties, you need to learn how to switch from what upsets you to the exact opposite moments. It won't be long before you notice that achieving this goal is not difficult at all. The main thing here is not to let yourself get wound up!

After all, if someone from your environment behaves rudely, it is his problem, not yours. Why waste your energy on other people's problems? And even if you were wrong: what will the hassle and bitter tears give? Isn't it better to just draw the right conclusions and not repeat past missteps and mistakes?

The media will rain down a barrage of negative news on us in an endless stream. And what does this give? Will there be fewer wars? Will planes stop crashing? All drivers and pedestrians will learn to follow the rules traffic? Unfortunately, all these questions can be considered rhetorical. Therefore, you still shouldn’t worry too much about everything that the media brings down on us. Let's live in harmony with our nervous system. And constant stress has never prolonged anyone’s health!

Therefore, the only thing that can really help us is right attitude to everything that happens both in the world around us and directly in our lives. It is easier to endure any difficulties in a calm state of mind. A best helpers in a constant struggle with stress, apathy, depression and constant fear - we ourselves. The ability to control your own consciousness, to have cool phrases and expressions in stock is one of the types of positive survival.

Continue to look at your life with a smile, endure difficulties with a cool head and notice the positive aspects in any situation. And most importantly - stop worrying about trifles! Life loves those who take it easy! And then everything in your life will be just wonderful!

It is impossible to imagine our life without laughter and smiles, without humor and fun. Therefore, from time to time, each of us needs to step away from everyday worries, relax and have at least a little fun. Cool phrases And funny sayings- a true wonderful remedy for quickly raising a good mood. Cool phrases and statuses are very popular because they describe exciting moments in the lives of many people in a humorous way. They will help you amaze your interlocutors with your wit, as well as amuse your friends, colleagues, bored company or guests at a holiday party. Cool expressions can also be useful to “defuse” tense situations or in awkward situations when you need to correct your mistake.
There are many wonderful funny phrases and expressions. I tried to select the best, coolest “phrases” that, in my opinion, deserve most attention. Read, and let no one be left without a smile!

My character, of course, is not sugar, but I was not created to be added to tea!
If I ever die because of a man, it will be from laughing.
I'm neither good nor bad. I am kind with an evil stripe!
I only have one life and I can't afford to be unhappy!
I thought I was special, but it turned out I was better than everyone else...
It’s not enough to know your worth—you also need to be in demand.
What it is, you can’t put it back!!!
So what if the wind is in my head, but my thoughts are always fresh...
Where have you seen a cat that cares what mice say about it?
If you spit in my back, it means I'm ahead of you!
Don't tell me what to do and I won't tell you where to go!
If you want me to be an angel, organize heaven for me!
My life is my rules. If you don't like my rules, don't interfere in my life.
Not noticed in vicious relationships... Wasn’t it? No... Not noticed!
You need to live in such a way that others experience depression!
When will they learn to conduct light in women's handbags?! I really need it!!!
We are strong women: we will take out the trash and brains if necessary!
I'm losing weight on three diets! (I can’t get enough of two...)
He eats - I cook, he wears - I wash, he scatters - I clean. And what would I do without him...
Women's folk pastime: I came up with it myself, I was offended myself.
I’m like champagne: I can be playful, but I can also hit you in the head...
I really want to be a weak woman, but, as luck would have it, the horses are galloping, the huts are on fire...
Sometimes my husband shudders from me... Still, I am an amazing woman!!!
The girls are standing on the sidelines, fiddling with handkerchiefs in their hands... Because for every ten girls, according to statistics: 1 is gay, 4 are alcoholics, 2 are divorced, 2 are drug addicts and 1 is normal, but he is married...
What is the difference between fake love and real love? Fake: “I like the snowflakes on your hair!” The real one: “Fool, why without a hat?”
If a woman has sparkles in her eyes, it means the cockroaches in her head are celebrating something.
- How to drive a girl crazy?
- Give her a lot of money and close all the stores!
Men, let’s do the laundry, clean, cook, iron….and we want you!
I really want to cuddle up to someone, put my lips to my ear and whisper...: “Give me money!”
Sometimes I open my closet, look at it for a long time and realize that I’m keeping two-thirds of my clothes in case I go crazy.
Classic women's wardrobe: Nothing to wear. There is nowhere to hang it. It would be a pity to throw it away... And there is also a section “Suddenly I’ll lose weight”...
You need to smile so widely that problems stumble over your smile!
An optimist is a person who, even if he falls face first into the mud, is sure that it is healing!
Girls, who wanted to lose weight by spring?.. It’s too late to rush around, let’s take it with charm!
This morning, while I was putting on makeup, I fainted 5 times from my beauty...
Previously, I lived alone and all my things were lying haphazardly in their places, but now I’m married and all my things are neatly and beautifully lying in an unknown place...
I want fate to take me by the hair and head straight into happiness, happiness, happiness.
A woman should be loved, happy, beautiful! And she doesn’t owe anyone anything anymore!!!
The smartest plant is the horseradish: it knows everything...
Now I live only by this principle: whoever wants it will come, whoever needs it will call, whoever is bored will find it! And who cares, those don’t care!
All men are bastards! They all only need one thing! But why, why not from me-me-me?!
I would send you, but I can see you from there!
Women are not interested in wimps only if those wimps are men.
If you think that life is wonderful, then the antidepressants are chosen correctly.
If there are nails on the feet, then there should be hands on the hands, and animals generally have bast shoes!
There is nothing better in the world than creaking your bed until dawn!
Judging by the way life fucks me, I'm sexy as fuck!
The robbers demand your purse or your life, the women demand both.
Never do evil out of spite! Nasty things must come from the heart!
The smarter a woman is, the more sophisticated and varied she blows her man away!
Any dirty trick can be put to proper use if there is a desire...
Queens are never upset. When they are sad, they simply execute someone...
The weaker sex is stronger than the stronger sex due to the weakness of the stronger sex towards the weaker.
Long live split personality - shortest path to peace of mind!
Our spring is late, our summer is delayed... And autumn, the bastard, is punctual!
I’m a woman—evil comes as standard!
Don't you want to be nice? - Let's remove the Vaseline!
I am a creative woman. I want - I create, I want - I create...
With a teaspoon in my pocket, with a bald cactus in my hand, I’m going to scare the old woman who lives in the attic, I’ll poke him with a spoon, I’ll order him to sit on the cactus... I’m a bit of a fool - I have a certificate!..
Vasilisa was a magician... If she waves her right sleeve - a lake... If she waves her left sleeve - swans... She waves another 200 grams - and the hallucinations are more complicated...
Happiness is when you have a doctor, a cop, a lawyer and a killer among your friends. Immediately life becomes somehow easier...
There are people, like a drug - you know what you can’t do, but you’re drawn to it. And there are people like cake - sweet, tasty, but sick...
I want to be like a bear: to eat in the summer and hibernate in the winter. And I lost weight, and slept well, and didn’t see frost!
Grandfather Frost, I behaved well for a whole year... and now can I kill someone???
Caught goldfish. She listened to me very carefully and said: “Fry!”
And they carry me away, and carry me away, into the colored ringing crap, three white horses, two red elephants, a penguin, a hippopotamus and a deer.
What doesn’t kill us, we regret it very much later.
I am the air. Don't try to hold it back. Breathe while I let myself breathe...
My beloved told me: “You are evil in the flesh!” Well, I'll implement it. I'm very obedient. And if for some reason he needs it, then how can I ignore the request!
I’m a very good cook... I can cook noodles... Brew porridge... Add oil... In general, I’m a clever wizard.
“Sunny, I love you!” - excellent status! And all the suns are pleasant, and you won’t get burned...
- You need to treat a girl carefully, like a Christmas tree.
— Knock it out and take it home?
— My child is being reprimanded strangers! How to react?
— Teach your child magic spell: “My mother teaches me that not every value judgment should serve as a behavior modifier.” When pronounced with clear diction and confident, benevolent intonation, it acts similarly to the spell: “Petrify!” And more reliably. Although not for long. But without dangerous side effects.
You begin to understand that everything is really bad when the person who usually calms everyone down cries...
As my grandmother used to say, it’s better to shoot, reload and shoot again than to shine a flashlight and ask “who’s there?”
In any situation, say “everything is going according to plan” - you never know what kind of fucking plan you have.
Sometimes it becomes so cool that something that was once so important has become so irrelevant...
And I will leave without noticing any offense.
Chewing a chocolate candy.
And may the evil horse love you,
And not a sunshine like me.
“Darling, is it true that I’m your only one?”
- Have you all come to an agreement today, or what!?
A woman, like fire, should not be left unattended. Either it will go out, or it will burn everything to hell!!!
Alcohol does not help you find the answer, it helps you forget the question...
Darling, you insist so much on our relationship with you... I don’t understand, do you have a nervous system made of reinforced concrete or a lifelong reservation in a madhouse?
Sometimes you think: this is it, happiness! But no, damn it, experience again...
You drown a person, and it seems so sad, but then bubbles appear, so good, and your heart rejoices.
It’s easy to understand women’s logic; just learn how to play billiards with cubes.
You only need to sort things out with those with whom you have these relationships. The rest - why don't they go to the shore of silence, collect shells...
Happiness is when the previous shit has already ended, and the next one has not yet begun.
Cockroaches in the head are still normal. The problem is when the squirrel starts chasing them out...
A black cat crossing your path means that the animal is going somewhere. Don't complicate things!..
You need to return to the woman as quickly as possible. So quickly that she doesn’t have time to understand that she’s fine without you.
If you love it, set it free. If he doesn't come back, track him down and kill him.
There are a lot of other people's nerves in the world - there's no point in worrying about your own!
I bought cockroach chalk! Now it’s quiet and calm in my head... they sit, draw...
You'll send someone rashly. And in your soul you worry: did you get there?... didn’t you get there?...
- Who are you?
— good fairy!
- Why with an axe?
- Yes, the mood is not very good...
She got up on the wrong foot, sat on the wrong broom and generally flew in the wrong direction...
Give me wings, otherwise the broom will leave splinters all over my ass!
In general, I love raspberry pies. Of course, they don’t reciprocate, but they don’t behave like bastards either!
— What will you order?
- I, please, have nerves, intelligence, calmness and s*zma... Yes, more s*zma, please.
Don't be a cheapskate - give the person a second chance. Don't be an idiot - never give a third.
Nerves are in shock, brains are in a trance, and logic has completely gone and shot itself.
If my mother taught me to be cultured, this does not mean that I will not kick you in the eye, as my father taught me!
A realist is someone who doesn't care whether the glass is half full or half empty. For him, what's in the glass is more important.
No matter what the rake teaches, the heart believes in miracles...
It's amazing how much some people enjoy romantic walks along the rake.
If you constantly step on the same rake, then it’s a fucking rake!
Smile more often - and the thicket will smile at you!
Yes, I'm not an angel, but flying on a broom is faster.
Everyone thinks that every girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. No matter how it is! Our dream is to eat and not gain weight!
All women are angels, but if you cut their wings, they start flying on a broom.
A man should be able to do two things: set fire to huts and scare horses, so that his woman has something to do and not blow his brains out.
...and yet it is IMPORTANT that the butterflies in the stomach come to an agreement with the cockroaches in the head!
Yesterday, it seemed, I had gained my wits... Today I woke up - but no, I just gained my wits...
I don’t promise to lead you to sin, but I will…
There’s no need to offend me, I’m a vulnerable girl, the first thing brings me to tears... And then teary eyes it’s so difficult to understand who the shovel hit...
This morning they showed such horrors in the mirror...
I don't drink flowers or sweets!
- Girl, why haven’t we met yet?
- God will take care of you, stupid creature...
I have no excess weight. I have it as a spare.
Female philologist: bright multiple sarcasms on the first date.
While men, being boys, play war games and cars, women, being girls, immediately prepare to manipulate people and play with dolls.
It’s better to be a beloved mischief than to be a perfection that no one needs.
Listen to the voice of reason... Do you hear? Do you hear what crap he is talking about?!
For a woman to go to bed with a man, she needs a feeling of closeness, trust and a strong connection. A man's place is mainly...
Squirrels eat snow. What are you doing to make winter end?
People who helped spring and ate snow, why did you also eat asphalt?
A glassblower accidentally sneezed at work and created a new vase for the Ikea store.
If things don't go the way you want, it's not your business, let them pass by.
Don't know how to relieve stress? Don't wear it!!!
It is incorrect to say “the toad is strangling.” It should be like this: “amphibiotropic asphyxia happened to me”
Koala macaque dipped in cocoa. The koala lazily lapped cocoa...
Squirrels in gaiters poke around cedar kernels in the depths of the tundra. In the depths of the tundra, otters in gaiters are digging for cedar kernels in buckets! Having torn out the leggings of an otter in the tundra, I wiped the cedar kernels with the otter, wiped the otter's face with the leggings - the kernels into buckets, the otter into the tundra.
Having washed the leggings in the swamp, putting the kernels in buckets, the otters and the squirrels in an embrace quietly finished the jar... While finishing the moonshine, the otters danced a jig, the squirrels tried on the leggings, muttering that they had seen a worse holiday in the tundra.
I speak English with only a dictionary, but I’m still shy with people...
When sliding under the table, do not forget to politely say goodbye to your guests.
There is a genius sleeping within each of us. And every day it gets stronger and stronger...
I don’t know what you’re taking for your head, but it’s clearly not helping you!
Sorry for what I say when you interrupt...
Beautiful woman pleases male gaze, ugly - female!
There are no perpetual motion machines in the world, but there are plenty of perpetual brakes!
Take care of your Motherland! Vacation abroad!
I am constantly haunted by smart thoughts, but I find myself faster...
Everyone is spoiled to the best of their ability.
If a gentleman says to a lady, “I understand you perfectly,” he means, “You say twice as much as you need to”!
If you leave your husband correctly, he will definitely return... like a boomerang.
If you want to bring a person to sclerosis, give him a loan.
Looking at how some accumulate good, others begin to accumulate evil.
There are so many interesting things in this life and so few people are interested.
If you want to marry a smart, beautiful and rich woman, marry three times.
Sclerosis cannot be cured, but you can forget about it.
If you cannot be a star in the sky, at least become a lamp in the house.
A man, even if he could understand what a woman was thinking, would still not believe it.
The best way to organize a panic is to ask everyone to remain calm.
Everyone wants to have a good time, but you won't have one.
Tell me I'm wrong and I'll tell you who you are.
What a pity that you are finally leaving!..
Lost conscience. I ask the finder not to worry and keep it for himself.

Everyday life confronts us with periodic problems at work, which are sometimes difficult to solve without a sense of humor. That is why you need to have a couple of funny aphorisms in reserve that will completely defuse the stop.

Tapping on the keyboard does not mean controlling the joystick.
The programmer is sleeping - work is in progress.
System administrators don't die - they go offline.
I am a politician and I know how to send people so that they will look forward to the journey with pleasure.
Users social networks and those who like to play “Klondike” at work have greatly developed the ability of lateral vision and quick reaction.
Give me a point of support, I’ll at least lie down there (analogy with “I’ll turn the Earth upside down”)
The boss wants to find a wizard, but he only gets storytellers.
If management disagrees with you, then immediately explain why you are wrong.
Don't agree with the team? Become the boss. Let them try to disagree with you.
Russia amazing country. Everywhere they work to get a bonus, but here they work so as not to lose it.
The boss is always right, because this unique person decides to take a courageous act: to voice with his mouth the decision made in the back seat.
A woman has two options: get married successfully and not work, or find a job that doesn’t require getting married.
The best corporate party is the one after which, when each colleague enters, everyone applauds and hoots in unison.
They either say good things about their bosses or they talk about other jobs.
The first vacation is when you relax yourself, the second is when you are your boss.

It won't be difficult to cheer up your colleagues easily. And you will also become a great comedian, which is priceless in a team. After all, finding friends and like-minded people is priceless, and that’s why it’s worth using cool phrases to lift the mood in the team.

How to make others laugh

If you want to become the life of the party, then you will need eloquence in your arsenal interesting sayings about life to lift your spirits. They can be used in absolutely different situations and easily juggle expressions in dialogues with others. What encouraging phrases with a slight touch of irony and humor can be used?

Does your wife refuse to talk in the morning? Rejoice, the corporate party was a success.
A man should have a wonderful family so that he returns home with joy and a terrible mother-in-law so that he is in a hurry to return to work.
Small children in the back seat cause accidents, and accidents in the back seat cause small children.
And why aren't women like dogs? They understand everything, but they can’t say it.
What goes around is never found again.
With alcohol you need to know when to stop, otherwise you might end up drinking less.
I know my limit, but will you drink it?
— What does a child lack in his body if he eats plasticine? - Brains!
We are frightened by clients who are interested in how to get to our car dealership by bus from the metro station. After all, they are interested in Gelendvagen.
You have to work for a stingy person, he pays twice.
Drinking tap water is harmful, but an apple washed with it is immediately bacteria-free.
To print photos of winter St. Petersburg, you just need to have a black and white printer on hand.
Life experience comes only with bastards.
Millionaires earn hundreds of times more than me, but the tax authorities are only interested in me. Apparently there are problems with delivery.
Does your grandmother let you go for walks without a hat in the winter? Check, apparently she is not your family.
The alarm clock is like the sound of a gunshot. Most lie as if killed.
-Good afternoon, we are coming to you from St. Petersburg. Well, there’s no point in making threats right out of the gate.
If your boyfriend doesn’t go out with friends, doesn’t interrupt, is with you all the time, then poke him with a shelf - he’s probably dead.
If before work you look at the opposite sex with pleasure, but after that you don’t, it means that the intimacy was somewhere in the middle.
When on Monday the boss says: “Well, let’s get to work!”, the main thing is not to think that this is a toast.

Use your humor to add something of your own to the suggested phrases. It is quite possible that in the company you will be valued precisely for your impromptu jokes and understanding of other people’s moods; and very soon your statements will be quoted. Sometimes with one word or sentence you can establish contact in a team, if you bring a genuine smile to people’s faces.

Laughter is the solution to all problems

Even when you feel tension in the team or are very depressed yourself, it is enough to remember positive thoughts to lift your spirits, and everything around you will sparkle with new colors. And if you are positive, you can give a charge positive energy to everyone who is near you.

Do you want to enjoy life? So live and be happy about it.
Fate often throws us back a step, but this is only a running start before a big leap.
It’s nice to think that I’m also a rake in someone’s fate.
You need to dream about what you are forbidden to even think about.
They said you were born to crawl? Rejoice, you are one of those people who will never do shit from above.
Always go towards your dreams. Tired of walking? Crawl. There is no strength to crawl, but at least lie down and lie towards your dreams.
I have a conscience! I spend it rationally.
I fell ill with a good mood. I don’t even think about getting treatment, let everyone else get infected.
Is every damn lumpy? So sculpt cool lumps.
The dark streak of my life will only come from the best chocolate.
If life is a series of black and white, then I intend to stop at white and go along.
Only the one who doesn’t lie when asked: “How are you?” is happy.
Happiness just doesn’t come, I’ll go and step on it myself.
I want a miracle! Do not offer yogurt!
If a man leaves you, do not hold him back, but ask him to throw out the trash on the way.
And wherever I went. I didn’t go to the Maldives, I didn’t go to Cyprus, I didn’t even go to Greece. I'm thinking about where to go this year.
Why did you decide that I am vindictive? I have a very bad memory, I have to write everything down.
Previously, if a girl met a guy with a cool car, she knew that he had money, but now that he has a loan.
Dad, I ask you, when he asks for my hand, just say that you don’t mind. Don't hug him and call him your savior!
My parents said it was time for me to live alone. Well, I collected their things and am waiting.
It’s clear in my cat’s eyes that I’m the one living in her apartment and it seems like it’s time for me to move out.
I like that you are not sick with me... I don’t like that you are sick in life.
I came home. My husband cooked dinner and cleaned the apartment. I thought I had messed up something, but no, the computer was broken.
Are you trying to spit in my back? Great, that means I'm ahead.
Look for the positive in everything. They're putting out a fire in your apartment above you, so it's time to throw a foam party.

It’s not difficult to remember words and phrases for every day to surprise your friends, colleagues or family. But you will be the star of the program at any party and gatherings. Of course, you shouldn’t say them out of place, but it’s easy to wait for the right moment to amaze others.

Always joke about everything

Sometimes even laconic sarcasm will not cause dissatisfaction. A subtle joke on someone will only add zest to your humor. It is worth remembering that this can only be done in the company of close friends. Strange people They won’t appreciate your impulse. But any positive statements addressed to someone will always go off with a bang. Aphorisms to lift your spirits will become the reason for your popularity.

Funny phrases to lift your spirits, short and long, that you should keep for yourself:

I'm a cat and I don't care what mice think about me.
I was not noticed in connections that discredit me. – Were there no such connections? - What are you, you just weren’t noticed.
Even if I fall face first into the mud, it will be healing.
Horseradish is a very educated plant, because it knows everything.
All poisonings begin with the words: “Nothing will happen to this in the refrigerator.”
Everyone has a hobby. Some people collect stamps, others collect ship models. My husband has been assembling a wardrobe from Ikea for three years.
We just ran and jumped around construction sites as children, and now we do parkour.

You can easily find and come up with many witty, positive statements for every day, if you look at it with humor the world around us. In every problem, even the most serious one, one can find something curious and funny. The main thing is not to lose heart, then it will become easier to worry.

From time to time, each of us needs to hear cheerful words to smile. Therefore, in search of a good mood, we resort to various collections of cool expressions and phrases. When you are cheerful, the whole world smiles back at you.

Every day we hear a lot of short, cool phrases, but not all of them remain in our ears, and even fewer are remembered. The origin of a funny phrase is forgotten, but the meaning remains, especially if the phrase is funny.

It is impossible to imagine our life without laughter and smiles, without humor and fun. We offer our selection of cool expressions and phrases for free, and let no one be left without a smile! Use every minute in your life!

Usually it is funny, cool phrases that unite companies. Short, funny phrases with meaning most fully reflect good mood people in society, have a positive impact on their worldview, and help define a commonality of interests. And it doesn’t matter at all whether the new cool phrases about love are lines from a book, a chorus from a song, lines from a movie or cartoon.

Short funny expressions and funny phrases cheerful people with good feeling humor. On our website we decided to delight you with our cool phrases and expressions.

Short funny phrases will help cheer up your friends

The main meaning of funny phrases is that they describe exciting moments in the lives of many people in a humorous manner. Cool phrases about life will help cheer up your friends during a friendly feast. Cool phrases and aphorisms can cheer up during a difficult and difficult period.

There are a lot of cool phrases and aphorisms. Cool phrases and sayings are excerpts taken from works of art, modern films or cartoons.

Mostly cool expressions about life are taken not from books, but from TV and the Internet. Many cool expressions and phrases are full of meaning. The coolest expressions are various puns, or seriousness taken to the point of absurdity. Odessa humor is very multifaceted and many funny expressions become classics.

These cool expressions never get old and always remain relevant. For example, a lot of cool expressions are taken from lines of works of art. Many well-known funny expressions with meaning are taken from the classics of world cinema, which are so pleasant for the older generation to remember.

Free cool expressions and funny sayings

Funny cool expressions about love will help to amaze your companion or companion with wit. Will come in handy funny words and expressions also in case you need to correct an awkward situation or mistake. Most relevant funny sayings and expressions in the company of friends.

Meet friends, enjoy life with our cool aphorisms and expressions, and enjoy your thoughts and the thoughts of your friends.

There are many short, cool phrases and expressions. But we have selected for you only the coolest ones, which in our opinion deserve the most attention. Our selection of the coolest phrases and expressions for people who love to have fun and make other people laugh. We invite you to read our free funny phrases and expressions to lift your mood.

Cool expressions and funny phrases to cheer you up

People want a good life, but they always give them a fun one.
Things are never as good with money as they are bad without them.
I found my place in life, but it’s occupied...
Just because you did everything right doesn't mean everything will be fine for you.
Real loneliness is when you talk to yourself all night and no one understands you.
The Minister of Finance sincerely believed that money does not buy happiness.
Study, study and study again, because you still won’t find a job!
They lived happily ever after until they learned that others lived longer and happier lives.
Life is divided into two stages - first there is no mind, then there is no health.
Smoking is harmful, drinking is disgusting, and it is a pity to die healthy.
Very often you learn about the best moments of life from eyewitnesses.
They learn from mistakes, and after mistakes they heal.
Army Canapes Recipe: Simply place a piece of bread on top of another piece of bread.
Money comes and goes and goes and goes...
Once you find your soulmate, other soulmates start wandering around and make you doubt.
Not everyone who comes out into public manages to remain human.
Clicked the mouse...
Classics are a type of literature that people prefer to praise rather than read.
When a person begins to consider himself wiser, he stops becoming wiser.
When appointing a martyr, the consent of the applicant is not required.
They don’t believe in rheumatism or love until the first attack.
This world is strange, where two people look at the same thing, but see the exact opposite.
We would care less about what others think of us if we knew how little they think of us at all.
Only after experiencing the dark everyday life do you begin to appreciate the gray ones.
Don't force your happiness on me, I have my own!
What could you wish for so as not to envy you later?
It's good that you are accepted as one of their own. It's bad that it's in a pigsty.
Sometimes you don’t want to suffer foolishly, but can you really refuse her?
An honest person who dreams of becoming a politician must remember that reverse reincarnation is, in principle, impossible.
Human rights end where the rights of the stronger person begin.
In the life of a real programmer there is only room for two females: Asya and Klava. Well, apart from my mother.
I don't regret the past, I'm sad about the future that died in it.
Do you want sweet dreams? - Fall asleep in the cake!
If you are harnessed, then don’t expect any more carrots.
What roof doesn't like driving fast?
Is a bogatyr someone who steals from the rich?
The quality of a miracle is easy to determine: even eyewitnesses do not believe in a real miracle.
When you begin to delve into the essence of any sale, you remember that in Russian the words “discount” and “throw” are the same root.
Previously, court jesters rang bells, but now they use special signals.
If sport were as useful as we are told, then there would be five Jews hanging on each horizontal bar.
If you see only the good in everything, then you won’t change anything for the better.
All men are the same, only their salaries are different.
If a woman tries to preserve her virginity before marriage, she has many chances to maintain it until retirement.
He knew how to do everything... True, he couldn’t do anything.
Everything would be fine, but this nothing is too much.
Became a vegetarian - switched to weed...
If people constantly laugh at you, it means you bring joy to people.
Every person has exactly as much vanity as he lacks intelligence.
A lot changes in Russia in five years, almost nothing changes in two hundred years.
Attractive women are distracting.
Forecasters, like sappers, make only one mistake.
But every day.
What date is May Day?
God, I'm a cow.
Smoking warns: the Ministry of Health is a sneak.
If you catch a mouse, eat slowly.
If your armpit smells, change the rug.
Do you fly in your dreams? Sleep at home.
If it weren't for my legs, I wouldn't be here.
The height of freedom is round dances.
Don't dance, I'll get more.
If everything is beautiful in a person, it means that this is not our person!
Baldness is the process of replacing combing with washing.
Today we drink dry wine! Pour it in!
An ideal marriage: she plays first fiddle, and he doesn’t care (E. Kashcheev)
If money doesn’t make you happy, then it’s not yours.
In Russia, the people have not yet said their word, but it is already written on the fence...
A person has either a sense of humor or schadenfreude.
Each pioneer must hand over 15 kg of waste paper to the state and two who do not hand over.
While I was not serving, I slept peacefully, I knew that they were guarding me. During the service he slept poorly and was guarded. After the service I don’t sleep at all... I know who’s guarding
It is indecent to show up to an organized drinking party in person disorganizedly drunk!
The slower the train goes, the wider the expanses of our Motherland.
Never have books emitted so much light as in the fires of the Inquisition.
If it were not for sclerosis, I would constantly think about my people.
Scientists have found that the most clear language on Earth - Chinese. 1.5 billion people understand it.
The small is a well-nibbled big.
Physics has been canceled in Estonian schools so as not to traumatize children with the concept of “speed.”
Be sure to write aphorisms - they will make your therapist’s work easier...
Our monastery requested Holy Synod, is it possible to pray while smoking, and we were told - you can! Since then, our monks have been smoking during prayer...
A man is a homing system.
Only until the end of the month! Everyone who buys a satellite dish will receive a satellite spoon and a satellite plug as a gift!