About the plight of the son of Lev Nikolaevich Tolstoy - michailbub. In an old and noble family

The idea for the book was formed by Saltykov-Shchedrin gradually, over several years. In 1867, the writer composed and presented to the public a new fairy-tale-fiction “The Story of the Governor with a Stuffed Head” (it forms the basis of the chapter known to us called “The Organ”). In 1868, the author began work on a full-length novel. This process took a little over a year (1869-1870). The work was originally entitled “The Foolov Chronicler.” The title "The History of a City", which became final version, appeared later. Literary work was published in parts in the journal Otechestvennye zapiski.

Due to inexperience, some people consider Saltykov-Shchedrin’s book to be a story or a fairy tale, but this is not so. Such voluminous literature cannot claim the title short prose. The genre of the work “The History of a City” is larger and is called “ satirical novel" It represents a kind of chronological overview of the fictional town of Foolov. His fate is recorded in chronicles, which the author finds and publishes, accompanying them with his own comments.

Also, terms such as “political pamphlet” and “satirical chronicle” can be applied to this book, but it only absorbed some features of these genres, and is not their “purebred” literary embodiment.

What is the work about?

The writer allegorically conveyed the history of Russia, which he assessed critically. He called the inhabitants of the Russian Empire “Foolovites.” They are residents of the city of the same name, whose life is described in the Foolov Chronicle. This ethnic group descended from ancient people called "bunglers". For their ignorance they were renamed accordingly.

The Bunheads were at enmity with neighboring tribes, as well as with each other. And so, tired of quarrels and unrest, they decided to find themselves a ruler who would establish order. After three years they found a suitable prince who agreed to rule over them. Together with the acquired power, people founded the city of Foolov. This is how the writer designated the formation Ancient Rus' and Rurik's calling to reign.

At first, the ruler sent them a governor, but he stole, and then he arrived in person and imposed strict order. This is how Saltykov-Shchedrin imagined the period feudal fragmentation in medieval Russia.

Next, the writer interrupts the narrative and lists the biographies of famous mayors, each of which is a separate and complete story. The first was Dementy Varlamovich Brudasty, in whose head there was an organ that played only two compositions: “I won’t tolerate it!” and “I’ll ruin you!” Then his head broke, and anarchy set in - the turmoil that came after the death of Ivan the Terrible. It was his author who portrayed him in the image of Brudasty. Next, identical twin impostors appeared, but they were soon removed - this is the appearance of False Dmitry and his followers.

Anarchy reigned for a week, during which six mayors replaced each other. This is the era palace coups when in Russian Empire Only women and intrigue ruled.

Semyon Konstantinovich Dvoekurov, who established mead making and brewing, is most likely a prototype of Peter the Great, although this assumption runs counter to historical chronology. But reform activities and the iron hand of the ruler are very similar to the characteristics of the emperor.

The bosses changed, their conceit grew in proportion to the degree of absurdity in the work. Frankly insane reforms or hopeless stagnation were ruining the country, the people were sliding into poverty and ignorance, and the elite either feasted, then fought, or hunted for the female sex. The alternation of continuous mistakes and defeats led to horrific consequences, satirically described by the author. In the end, the last ruler of the Gloomy-Burcheev dies, and after his death the narrative ends, and because of the open ending, there is a glimmer of hope for changes for the better.

Nestor also described the history of the emergence of Rus' in The Tale of Bygone Years. The author draws this parallel specifically to hint who he means by the Foolovites, and who are all these mayors: a flight of fancy or real Russian rulers? The writer makes it clear that he is not describing the entire human race, but rather Russia and its depravity, reshaping its fate in his own way.

The composition is arranged in chronological sequence, the work has a classic linear narrative, but each chapter is a container for a full-fledged plot, which has its own heroes, events and results.

Description of the city

Foolov is in a distant province, we learn about this when Brudasty’s head deteriorates on the road. This is a small settlement, a county, because they come to take away two impostors from the province, that is, the town is only a small part of it. It doesn’t even have an academy, but thanks to the efforts of Dvoekurov, mead making and brewing are thriving. It is divided into “settlements”: “Pushkarskaya settlement, followed by the settlements Bolotnaya and Negodnitsa.” Agriculture is developed there, since the drought, which occurred due to the sins of the next boss, greatly affects the interests of the residents, they are even ready to rebel. With Pimple, harvests increase, which pleases the Foolovites immensely. “The History of a City” is replete with dramatic events, the cause of which is the agrarian crisis.

Gloomy-Burcheev fought with the river, from which we conclude that the district is located on the shore, in a hilly area, since the mayor is leading the people in search of a plain. The main place in this region there is a bell tower: unwanted citizens are thrown from it.

Main characters

The prince is a foreign ruler who agreed to take power over the Foolovites. He is cruel and narrow-minded, because he sent thieving and worthless governors, and then led with only one phrase: “I’ll screw it up.” The history of one city and the characteristics of the heroes began with it.
Dementy Varlamovich Brudasty is a withdrawn, gloomy, silent owner of a head with an organ that plays two phrases: “I won’t tolerate it!” and “I’ll ruin you!” His apparatus for making decisions became damp on the road, they could not repair it, so they sent for a new one to St. Petersburg, but the working head was delayed and never arrived. Prototype of Ivan the Terrible.
Iraida Lukinichna Paleologova is the wife of the mayor, who ruled the city for a day. An allusion to Sophia Paleolog, the second wife of Ivan IIII, grandmother of Ivan the Terrible.
Clémentine de Bourbon is the mother of the mayor, she also happened to rule for one day.
Amalia Karlovna Shtokfish is a pompadour who also wanted to stay in power. German names and the names of women - the author’s humorous look at the era of German favoritism, as well as a number of crowned persons of foreign origin: Anna Ioanovna, Catherine the Second, etc.
Semyon Konstantinovich Dvoekurov is a reformer and educator: “He introduced mead making and brewing and made it mandatory to use mustard and bay leaves. He also wanted to open the Academy of Sciences, but did not have time to complete the reforms he had begun.
Pyotr Petrovich Ferdyshchenko (a parody of Alexei Mikhailovich Romanov) is a cowardly, weak-willed, loving politician, under whom there was order in Foolov for 6 years, but then he fell in love with married woman Alena and exiled her husband to Siberia so that she would succumb to his onslaught. The woman succumbed, but fate struck a drought on the people, and people began to die of hunger. There was a riot (meaning salt riot 1648), as a result of which the ruler’s mistress died and was thrown from the bell tower. Then the mayor complained to the capital, and they sent him soldiers. The uprising was suppressed, and he found himself a new passion, because of which disasters occurred again - fires. But they also dealt with them, and he, having gone on a trip to Foolov, died from overeating. It is obvious that the hero did not know how to restrain his desires and fell into their weak-willed victim.
Vasilisk Semenovich Wartkin, an imitator of Dvoekurov, imposed reforms with fire and sword. Decisive, likes to plan and organize. Unlike my colleagues, I studied the history of Foolov. However, he himself was not far off: he instituted a military campaign against his own people, in the darkness “friends fought with their own.” Then he carried out an unsuccessful transformation in the army, replacing the soldiers with tin copies. With his battles he brought the city to complete exhaustion. After him, Negodyaev completed the plunder and destruction.
Cherkeshenin Mikeladze, a passionate hunter of the female sex, was engaged only in arranging his intense personal life due to official position.
Feofilakt Irinarkhovich Benevolensky (a parody of Alexander the First) is a university friend of Speransky (the famous reformer), who composed laws at night and scattered them around the city. He loved to be clever and show off, but did nothing useful. Dismissed for high treason (relations with Napoleon).
Lieutenant Colonel Pimple is the owner of a head stuffed with truffles, which the leader of the nobility ate in a hungry fit. There was a heyday under him agriculture, since he did not interfere in the lives of his wards and did not interfere with their work.
State Councilor Ivanov is an official who arrived from St. Petersburg, who “turned out to be so small in stature that he could not contain anything spacious” and burst from the strain of comprehending the next thought.
The emigrant Viscount de Chariot is a foreigner who, instead of working, just had fun and threw balls. Soon he was sent abroad for idleness and embezzlement. It was later discovered that he was female.
Erast Andreevich Grustilov is a lover of carousing at public expense. Under him, the population stopped working in the fields and became interested in paganism. But the wife of the pharmacist Pfeiffer came to the mayor and imposed new religious views, he began to organize readings and confessional gatherings instead of feasts, and, having learned about this, the higher authorities deprived him of his post.
Gloomy-Burcheev (a parody of Arakcheev, a military official) is a martinet who planned to give the whole city a barracks-like appearance and order. He despised education and culture, but wanted all citizens to have the same homes and families on the same streets. The official destroyed the entire Foolov, moved it to the lowlands, but then it happened natural disaster, and the official was carried away by the storm.

This is where the list of heroes ends. The mayors in Saltykov-Shchedrin’s novel are people who, by adequate standards, are in no way capable of managing any locality and be the personification of power. All their actions are completely fantastic, meaningless and often contradict one another. One ruler builds, the other destroys everything. One comes to the place of the other, but in folk life nothing changes. There are no significant changes or improvements. Political figures in "The Story of a City" have common features- tyranny, pronounced depravity, bribery, greed, stupidity and despotism. Outwardly, the characters retain an ordinary human appearance, while the inner content of the personality is fraught with a thirst for suppression and oppression of the people for the purpose of profit.

Topics

Power. This is the main theme of the work “The History of a City,” which is revealed in a new way in each chapter. Mainly, it is seen through the prism satirical image contemporary Saltykov-Shchedrin political structure of Russia. The satire here is aimed at two sides of life - to show how destructive autocracy is and to reveal passivity masses. In relation to autocracy, it is a complete and merciless denial, but in relation to ordinary people, its goal was to correct morals and enlighten minds.
War. The author focused on the destructiveness of bloodshed, which only ruins the city and kills people.
Religion and fanaticism. The writer is ironic about the readiness of the people to believe in any impostor and in any idols, just to shift responsibility for their lives onto them.
Ignorance. The people are not educated and not developed, so the rulers manipulate them as they want. Foolov's life is not getting better not only due to the fault of political figures, but also because of the reluctance of people to develop and learn to master new skills. For example, none of Dvoekurov’s reforms took root, although many of them had a positive result for enriching the city.
Servility. The Foolovites are ready to endure any arbitrariness, as long as there is no hunger.

Issues

Of course, the author touches on issues related to government. The main problem in the novel is the imperfection of power and its political techniques. In Foolov, rulers, also known as mayors, are replaced one after another. But at the same time, they do not bring anything new into the life of the people and into the structure of the city. Their responsibilities include caring only about their well-being; the mayors do not care about the interests of the residents of the county.
Personnel issue. There is no one to appoint to the position of manager: all candidates are vicious and not fit for selfless service in the name of an idea, and not for the sake of profit. Responsibility and the desire to eliminate pressing problems are completely alien to them. This happens because society is initially unfairly divided into castes, and none of them ordinary people cannot occupy an important post. The ruling elite, feeling the lack of competition, lives in idleness of mind and body and does not work conscientiously, but simply squeezes out of the rank everything that it can give.
Ignorance. Politicians do not understand the problems of mere mortals, and even if they want to help, they cannot do it right. There are no people in power; there is a blank wall between classes, so even the most humane officials are powerless. “The History of a City” is only a reflection of the real problems of the Russian Empire, where there were talented rulers, but due to their isolation from their subjects, they were unable to improve their lives.
Inequality. The people are defenseless against the arbitrariness of managers. For example, the mayor sends Alena’s husband into exile without guilt, abusing his position. And the woman gives up because she doesn’t even expect justice.
Responsibility. Officials are not punished for their destructive acts, and their successors feel safe: no matter what you do, nothing serious will happen for it. They will only be removed from office, and then only as a last resort.
Reverence. The people are great power, there is no point in it if he agrees to blindly obey his superiors in everything. He does not defend his rights, does not protect his people, in fact, he turns into an inert mass and, by his own will, deprives himself and his children of a happy and fair future.
Fanaticism. In the novel, the author focuses on the theme of excessive religious zeal, which does not enlighten, but blinds people, dooming them to idle talk.
Embezzlement. All the prince’s governors turned out to be thieves, that is, the system is so rotten that it allows its elements to carry out any fraud with impunity.

Main idea

The author's intention is to depict political system, in which society comes to terms with its eternally oppressed situation and believes that this is in the order of things. The society in the story is represented by the people (the Foolovites), while the “oppressor” is the mayors, who replace each other at an enviable speed, while managing to ruin and destroy their possessions. Saltykov-Shchedrin ironically notes that the residents are driven by the force of “love of authority,” and without a ruler they immediately fall into anarchy. Thus, the idea of the work “The History of a City” is the desire to show the history of Russian society from the outside, how people for many years transferred all responsibility for organizing their well-being onto the shoulders of the revered monarch and were invariably deceived, because one person cannot change the whole country. Change cannot come from outside as long as the people are ruled by the consciousness that autocracy is the highest order. People must realize their personal responsibility to their homeland and forge their own happiness, but tyranny does not allow them to express themselves, and they ardently support it, because as long as it exists, nothing needs to be done.

Despite the satirical and ironic basis of the story, it contains a very important point. The point of the work “The History of a City” is to show that only if there is a free and critical vision of power and its imperfections, changes for the better are possible. If a society lives by the rules of blind obedience, then oppression is inevitable. The author does not call for uprisings and revolution, there are no ardent rebellious lamentations in the text, but the essence is the same - without popular awareness of their role and responsibility, there is no path to change.

The writer not only criticizes the monarchical system, he offers an alternative, speaking out against censorship and risking his public office, because the publication of “History ...” could lead to not only his resignation, but also imprisonment. He not only speaks, but through his actions calls on society not to be afraid of the authorities and to speak openly to them about painful issues. The main idea of Saltykov-Shchedrin is to instill in people freedom of thought and speech, so that they can improve their lives themselves, without waiting for the mercy of mayors. It fosters an active citizenship in the reader.

Artistic media

What makes the story special is the peculiar interweaving of the worlds of the fantastic and the real, where they coexist fantastic grotesque and journalistic intensity of current and real problems. Unusual and incredible incidents and events emphasize the absurdity of the depicted reality. The author masterfully uses such artistic techniques as grotesque and hyperbole. In the life of the Foolovites, everything is incredible, exaggerated, funny. For example, the vices of city governors have grown to colossal proportions; they are deliberately taken beyond the scope of reality. The writer exaggerates in order to eradicate real-life problems through ridicule and public disgrace. Irony is also one of the means of expressing the author's position and his attitude to what is happening in the country. People love to laugh, and it is better to present serious topics in a humorous style, otherwise the work will not find its reader. Saltykov-Shchedrin’s novel “The History of a City” is, first of all, funny, which is why it was and is popular. At the same time, he is ruthlessly truthful, he hits hard on topical issues, but the reader has already taken the bait in the form of humor and cannot tear himself away from the book.

What does the book teach?

The Foolovites, who personify the people, are in a state of unconscious worship of power. They unquestioningly obey the whims of the autocracy, the absurd orders and tyranny of the ruler. At the same time, they experience fear and reverence for the patron. The authorities, represented by the mayors, use their instrument of suppression to the fullest extent, regardless of the opinions and interests of the townspeople. Therefore, Saltykov-Shchedrin points out that the common people and their leader are worth each other, because until society “grows up” to higher standards and learns to defend its rights, the state will not change: it will respond to primitive demand with a cruel and unfair supply.

The symbolic ending of “The Story of a City,” in which the despotic mayor Gloomy-Burcheev dies, is intended to leave a message that the Russian autocracy has no future. But there is also no certainty or constancy in matters of power. All that remains is the tart taste of tyranny, which may be followed by something new.

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Friend's mom.

Alexander and Semyon were friends since the first grade, they were friends like water, they stood by each other like a mountain. They constantly went to visit each other; Semyon’s mother, a young, beautiful, elegant woman, always aroused Alexander’s burning interest. She often stayed late at work and returned home quite late; she was often accompanied home by men who showed her signs of attention, but, as a rule, none of them got further than the entrance. Alexander always envied Semyon that he had such beautiful mother. Ekaterina Viktorovna, and that was her name, looked very impressive at 37 years old. Short with huge blue eyes, light pink lipstick emphasized her plump lips. She cut her dark brown hair short, and the short haircut suited her surprisingly.
But the most remarkable thing about her appearance were her legs: slender, surprisingly proportional, with graceful, beautiful feet. When she walked like a girl in a miniskirt, gracefully swaying her hips, grown men always paid attention to her.
At that time, Alexander was 18 years old, he always had problems with girls, they did not pay anyone any attention to him, often calling him a nerd behind his back.
Alexander graduated from school with a medal and was planning to join the army in the fall; he did not listen to the persuasion of his parents about entering college. One could understand him in this; he always repeated that in order to become a real man, you need to serve in the army and then everything will work out with the girls.
Ekaterina Viktorovna, or as Alexander called her Aunt Katya, whom he could watch for hours when he came to visit his friend for any reason and for no reason, each time coming up with a different excuse, just to observe his ideal woman.
Aunt Katya raised her son alone, dad left them when Semyon was three months old, he went north to earn money and it turned out well. In one of summer days Alexander came to his friend, with whom they agreed to go fishing, but Semyon was not at home, as it turned out, he went to his grandmother in the village and brought her some medicine. Ekaterina Viktorovna was at home, a slight smell of alcohol could be heard from her, she smiled very affectionately at Alexander and asked him to stay with her for at least an hour, the young man readily agreed. He looked at his ideal without taking his eyes off, the woman was dressed in a special, sexy way, as if she was waiting for her son’s friend to arrive. Her light light blouse with a large cutout in the chest area.
On her legs she wore thin flesh-colored nylon stockings, almost invisible to the eye, and very short skirt, from under which her gorgeous slender legs were visible. When they walked into the room, on the coffee table that stood next to the sofa, there was a bottle of wine, various fruits and a chocolate bar. Sitting comfortably on the sofa, the woman offered a drink.
After drinking a glass of red aromatic wine, which made the guy’s face flush and his head began to buzz. Ekaterina began to complain about her unsettled fate and problems at work, Alexander also shared his problems with the girls, that they did not notice him or simply ignored him, the woman listened attentively with pleasure young man, without interrupting, sometimes asked leading questions. Having carefully listened to the problems of her interlocutor, Catherine suggested drinking more red wine; after the second portion of the sweet, but rather intoxicating drink, Alexander finally relaxed.
When Ekaterina poured the next glass, she offered to solve the guy’s problem and turned on
“Autumn Waltz,” she smiled tenderly at her secret admirer and said:
- Sasha, go, I’ll teach you a slow dance, all the girls will run after you in a crowd.
- I agree.
Alexander approached Catherine, she lightly hugged her admirer and pressed him closely to her, with the forearm of his left hand the young man felt the pleasant roundness and softness of her chest, with which Catherine pressed herself against the guy. Alexander collected his thoughts, which, under the influence of alcohol, were slightly confused and for some reason revolved around the desire to do something nice for Catherine. Pleasant, quiet music began to sound, they plunged into the world slow dance, but soon the young man felt incredible excitement, and his erect penis stuck out his trousers and simply prevented him from moving.
The guy's face turned red with shame, and in confusion he even lost his rhythm. Ekaterina pretended that nothing was happening and led the dance herself, while Alexander clearly heard the rustling of her legs, covered with the thinnest nylon stockings.
Her thigh periodically gently touched the young man’s protruding penis, and this made him even more excited. Her breasts touched his chest, he even felt her nipples, which were not constrained by the bra. The guy’s head was spinning, and he slightly closed his eyes to come to his senses; suddenly he felt that Catherine gently touched his earlobe with her lips and whispered:
- Well, how do I dance? Do you like it?
“Yes, very much,” he whispered back.
Catherine gently pressed her admirer's head to her shoulder and began stroking his hair with her hand.
“Let’s sit down,” she suggested.
“Come on,” the young man muttered uncertainly.
They sat down on a huge soft sofa, Catherine hugged the guy by the shoulders with one hand, and her other hand, as if by chance, lay on his leg, she stroked the young man’s leg, which made his penis get even bigger, and he felt that color floods his face.
“And I know what you want,” Catherine unexpectedly whispered in her ear.
And without waiting for an answer, she took the young man’s hand and placed it on her nylon-covered thigh. Alexander felt the pleasant, delicate surface of the stocking and ran his hand over inside hips.
- Don’t be shy, let’s be bold.
Catherine, moving her hand a little higher, began to stroke the erect penis through his trousers, then she unbuttoned his trousers and asked to take them off, Alexander hastily fulfilled this request, he acted as if in a dream and was even slightly chilled with excitement. The young man stood in his shorts, the woman lowered them and gently touched his crimson penis, which was huge with excitement.
“How beautiful he is,” she whispered, gently grasping the head of his penis and began rhythmically moving her hand up and down.
She threw the guy onto the sofa and pressed her lips into his, the young man felt a chill and began to shake feverishly, while his right hand ended up between Catherine’s legs, Alexander involuntarily felt with his fingers the delicate nylon of her panties, under which he felt a soft pliable tubercle, which instinctively began to stroke.
- Why are you trembling so much, don’t be afraid, you will like it, I always dreamed of being a man’s first woman.
Catherine spread her legs wider, and the guy’s fingers under the wet nylon felt a wet, hot slit, which he continued to caress.
Meanwhile rhythmic movements right hand Catherine, caressing his penis, brought the guy to highest state bliss, he felt his penis growing to incredible sizes, immediately the young man was pierced by an impulse of unusually acute pleasure, from his penis, pulsating, the beginnings torrent ejaculate sperm, spreading a specific smell. Alexander was lying on the sofa, he had never experienced anything like this, Catherine brought a towel from the bathroom and carefully wiped the guy’s stomach and chest, which were splashed with semen.
Then she kissed him tenderly on the lips and whispered in his ear that it was very nice for her to meet him one on one. Alexander lay on the sofa and felt at the height of bliss, meanwhile Catherine’s gentle fingers continued to stroke his chest and went lower and lower, so they were already stroking his stomach, and then again touched his tense penis.
“How nimble you are, however,” she whispered, feeling his penis and testicles with her gentle fingers.
“Now it’s your turn to please me.”
Alexander nodded his head fervently and rose from the sofa, Catherine lay down in his place and asked to sit next to him.
- Do you like my legs?
“Oh, yes, they are beautiful,” was all he could say, choking with a renewed desire.
- Kiss them, stroke them, do it and I’ll be pleased,
– she cooed tenderly.
Alexander did not believe his feelings, he touched the divinely beautiful legs of his beloved woman, stroked the pleasant soft surface of her thighs, then he touched her knees with his lips and began to cover her thighs with kisses, rising higher and higher, she was breathing heavily and moaning slightly with pleasure . With her hand she again felt the penis and began to stroke it, sometimes lightly caressing it.
With her other hand, she parted the swollen lips of the vagina, the young man saw a hole framed by bright red lips.
“Kiss me there,” she said in a slightly broken voice from excitement.

If you want to know the ending of the story, here are the links for you:

http://www.litres.ru/aleksandr-marchenko/pautina-s...

https://www.amazon.com/x41F-x430-x443-x442-x438-eb...

http://www.ozon.ru/context/detail/id/34854855/

https://ridero.ru/books/pautina_strasti/

http://booksmarket.org/book/Aleksandr-i-Elena-Marchenko_Pautina-strasti.html

A book for readers over 18 years of age,
contains stories of an overtly erotic nature.
Stories real events and fictitious...
Every reader will find a plot that he likes.

Erotic stories 18+, that says it all.

Just love your mom, and try not to take her words to heart. You’re doing great, that’s for sure.

Your friend probably has something to eat. How can I go to school when I have to earn a living! I wish I could. Everything must be done on time.

That's what I thought. It seems to me that it will be easier for you if you imagine yourself in your mother’s place. I think it won’t be difficult for you to do this because you have a daughter. What would you do if you saw that your daughter had gained so much weight? If she hadn't studied? I talked to bad boys? etc. Would you really not care and would you just look at your daughter without telling her anything? I don’t think so, but that doesn’t mean at all that you don’t love her. This is only with the best intentions.
And I think there is no need to quarrel with my mother. Otherwise, you will then blame yourself for treating her this way. One way or another, parents are not chosen. And without a mother it will be bad, no matter what she is like.

And all my life I lived with my father and stepmother... it’s harder. Because... my father enjoyed authority with me (and not only with me), when he said nasty things about me, I would cheat myself, and became more and more uptight, a lot of complexes... well, in general, everything became worse in everything, because I became complex...but before that I was the first in everything! When I lived with my mother! She supported me in any situation!!!
I realized that all the troubles were from him, and in the end, at the age of 20, I ran away from home...
My father also “LIKELY LOVED” me, he says that he points out my shortcomings so that I improve, but this only makes me feel worse!
Now I’ve been living separately for half a year, with my boyfriend! And everything has begun to recover, since we rarely communicate with my father, he has little influence on me, and my beloved supports me in everything!!!
Advice..)) live your life, forget about your mother in terms of her reproaches, consider that this is how envy manifests itself! Believe in yourself! After all, you deserve it!!!

Then there was also interesting story. I was planning to take the baby to the village to see my great-grandmother. My mother also wanted to come with us, but unfortunately she couldn’t at that time. I decided to go without her. She began to persuade me to go when she could. But why, if I decided this way and it’s convenient for me. Why should I adapt to her? She began to dissuade me, I did not agree, then an ordering tone began, various reasons began - bad weather and I should not go, that we would have a bad time, would not get there well. Anyone who is interested in psychology knows the power of words. By saying such phrases, the mother predetermines our future in advance. it got to the point where I was already on my way, she calls me and orders me to come back. But why, explain to me? Why should I do as she wants, because I myself am an adult, an independent person and I myself can give advice to anyone? We went okay, but after that there was a final quarrel with my mother. She reproached me for helping me so much with the baby, and I’m such an ungrateful bastard, she also reproached me for being terribly complex. Can you imagine who would speak! I answered her that if she reproaches me all her life with her help, then I don’t need to help anymore, I will sit with the baby myself and get by without anyone’s help (although, to be honest, other grandmothers help more and do not reproach). Again she turned to church for help and confessed, but to another priest. She said that she had quarreled with her mother, he asked why, and then said: parents should not interfere in new family, today is a big holiday, come home, call your mom and say “mom, forgive me for everything, I love you very much, but you don’t need to interfere with my family.” So I did, we made peace and have been communicating normally ever since. Not to say that I harbored all grievances against her, I understand that this is harmful, first of all, for me, but it is also impossible to erase all this from my soul at once, there is a residue. Now I’ve put it all together, expressed it here, a stone has already been lifted from my shoulders, I just haven’t told anyone everything from beginning to end. Should I say that my mother understood everything and drew conclusions? No. He's just holding himself back. Sometimes advice starts, etc., then it stops or I stop it and that’s it. But she sits with the baby solely on her own initiative. Why did she behave this way? For a long time I thought I had gone through everything, and then I realized that she was raised that way, she basically told me so herself. Well, I don’t want this kind of upbringing for my children. Good luck to you!

What happened next was even more interesting. At first I told her not to interfere with my family, there was a week-long quarrel and resentment. Then they made up, she calmed down. I was at work, with my family, and somehow it didn’t bother me much. But then I gave birth to a baby, my mother, of course, helped me a lot (I thank her very much for this), but I paid in full for this help (enduring her new reproaches). When I asked her to babysit (a young mother sometimes also needs to visit a gynecologist, a dentist, a store), of course they didn’t refuse me, but they presented it as a favor. Then came a very big time for our family. difficult times- We were renovating our apartment and moved in with my parents. This is where everything went wrong full program at every step - the husband sits in the toilet for a long time, the son eats poorly, sleeps poorly, this is not so, that is not so. In general, I kept everything to myself for two weeks, and then it burst through me - I expressed everything that had oppressed me for so many years. Girls, you know, I thought that she would understand me and repent of everything she did. I was very wrong. She again heard no one but herself. She told me something that made me go crazy for a month - that I’m not grateful, that I’ll dance on her grave (this phrase still gives me goosebumps), that all her illnesses are my fault, because I’ve been holding on to her all my life. It’s not evil that I’m a fool and don’t understand that I have no one but her, that when my husband leaves me (she generally hates him and for some reason she’s sure that sooner or later he’ll leave me) I’ll come running to her. In general, I didn’t know what to do, I was looking for a rented apartment, I couldn’t even describe what was going on in my soul, my husband was very supportive. I decided to turn to the church for advice. She went to confess, told the priest that she had had a big quarrel with her parents, to which he replied, without delving into the nuances, that you cannot argue with your parents, you must respect them and listen to them in everything. But what about people? In general, she and I were in a quarrel for a long time (about a month), we never moved into an apartment (for which we received reproaches every day that our builders were lousy, they were taking a long time to do repairs and they were conning us for money as suckers). Then they made up, but the relationship was strained. The long-awaited move has arrived. Of course, we communicated with my mother mainly by phone on general topics mostly about the baby. By the way, she is a good grandmother.

Here is one of a series of letters to their mothers from Australian stars of sports, music, show business and literature. The series is being released as part of the project dedicated to their mothers “Before it’s too late”: women write what they would like to say to their mothers. This is a letter from feminist writer Casey Edwards.

Dear mother,

I remember how when I was 7 years old, I found out that it turns out that you are fat, ugly and nothing at all. Until that moment, I must admit, I always considered you beautiful in every aspect. When I leafed through albums with your old photographs, I was fascinated by the pictures of you standing on the deck of a ship in a snow-white swimsuit. In those photos you looked like a movie star! I knew where that white swimsuit was, and as a child, sometimes I took it out, put it on me and twirled in front of the mirror, imagining that when I grow up, I will also wear it and be just like you.

But then everything changed. One day, when we were leaving the house, hurrying to children's party, you suddenly said: “Look how beautiful, thin and sweet you are. And how fat, ugly and generally terrible I am.”

At first I didn't understand what you were talking about. “You’re not fat at all,” I said with all childish seriousness and sincerity. “No, honey, I'm fat. And I’ve always been fat, since childhood.”
In the following days, I thought a lot about your words and I had to draw several bitter conclusions from them, which subsequently determined a lot in my life:
1. My mother must be really fat if she says so. After all, my mother cannot deceive me.
2. Fat means ugly and terrible.
3. When I grow up, I will be like my mother, which means I will also be fat, ugly and disgusting.

Years later, I would look back on that conversation, and the many similar conversations we had afterward, and get angry at you for feeling so unattractive, insecure, and worthless. I was angry because, looking up to you, I grew up with the same perception of myself.

I remembered how you always pursed your lips in displeasure when you saw your reflection in the mirror, how you once again began to follow a new miraculous diet and how, breaking it, you ate something unacceptable and every time you said: “Actually, I can’t do this.” I have, but I can’t help myself.” This is how I learned that to succeed in life you need to be thin and that the very key to a woman’s success lies in her physical attractiveness.

Just like you, all my life I felt fat, and therefore completely worthless.

But now I have become an adult myself and I also have a child, and I realized that blaming you for not teaching me to love myself does not help me cope with this feeling. I also understand that it is not your fault that you never liked yourself, because you yourself are the result of an education of self-contempt, which was cultivated by many generations of women.

Take, for example, your grandmother, your mother. Despite the fact that she could only be described as skinny, my grandmother was on diets all her life, even into old age. She never left the house without makeup, even just to take out the trash; she was horrified by the thought that someone might see her real face.

When your dad left you for another woman, your grandmother, as it seemed to her, showed “responsiveness”: “I don’t understand why he left you. You take care of yourself, always wear makeup. Yes, you are overweight, but you are not ugly.”

Before Dad left us, he said something to you that certainly didn't make you feel any more confident: “Oh my God, Jen. It’s not that difficult - if you want to lose weight, just eat less.”

That same evening you followed his advice. We gathered for dinner, you prepared your Chinese stew (in the 80s in the Australian suburbs, the combination of minced meat, cabbage and soy sauce was considered the height of gourmet). Everyone had food on regular plates - except you. Your stew rested on a tiny saucer.

You sat silently in front of a tiny spoon of minced meat as tears streamed down your face. I didn't say anything. Even when your shoulders shook from suppressed sobs. Nobody told you to stop doing nonsense and get yourself a normal portion of stew. I didn't find it either the right words to calm you down. We didn't tell you that you were the most beautiful to us and we love you very much. For some reason, all your achievements and victories - as a special education teacher and mother of your three children - paled for you in comparison with the futility of trying to lose at least a couple of centimeters in your waist.

I was very sorry for you, but I didn’t say a word. By that time, I already knew that you were fat, I heard that dad said that “losing weight is a matter of once or twice,” and therefore it was your fault that you couldn’t lose weight, so you didn’t deserve no food, no my regret.

But now I understand how wrong I was, Mom. I understand how difficult it is to grow up in a society where women are constantly told that the most important thing is to be beautiful, and the standards of beauty are becoming increasingly less achievable. But nevertheless, we women succumb to these imposed stereotypes and want to conform to them. And when we fail, we are left with nothing but bitterness and disappointment. No one judges us as much as we judge ourselves.

But this madness must end someday. And I decided that it would end right now, with me. We deserve better, we shouldn't have to suffer because we don't live up to someone else's standards.

I made this decision not because of you, and not because of myself, but because of Violet, your 3-year-old granddaughter. I don’t want her to develop contempt for herself and her body, so that it would poison her life and devalue her achievements and victories. I don't want her to view her appearance as the main asset that determines how good she is. Violet will look up to us and learn from our example what it's like to be a woman. And I want us to be able to show her through our words and actions that she is beautiful in herself, regardless of the color of her eyes or the height of her cheekbones. To be able to do this, we ourselves must believe in it.

The older we get, the more relatives and friends we lose - due to the fact that they grow old or get sick. I imagine how those whose bodies have already become decrepit and have lost their former strength wish, at least for a minute, to return to their healthy body, and what they would not give for this. At such moments, it becomes completely unimportant what kind of hips or buttocks this body has, it is healthy and strong, and therefore it is ideal.

Your body and figure are also perfect. They allow you to charm everyone with your smile, to infect everyone with your laughter. They let you hold Violet with your gentle arms until she giggles. Every second we spend regretting our own imperfections is wasted life time that we can never get back.

I wish we would respect our body for what it can do, not what it is like. I would like our life to be rich and interesting, so that we lose kilograms only when our body responds to physical activity so that we leave all regrets in the past. When I look at your photos in a white swimsuit, I see that my eyes did not deceive me - I see beautiful, smart, loving woman. I see my mother.

With love,
Casey