The most difficult years of family life. Crises of family life by year.

When we see happy couple, who lived together for many years, it seems to us that they were just lucky. In fact, these spouses, just like all other couples, faced crises family life, but were able to overcome them. Psychologists have long found out that these difficulties occur during certain period life together. From this article you will learn what a relationship crisis is by year and how to cope with it.

Let us be clear right away: the years discussed below begin to be counted precisely from the moment the cohabitation begins, and not from the ceremony at the registry office. After all, there are couples who formalize their relationship after 10 years of marriage, so the first year of marriage does not threaten them. And those who started living together only after the wedding will feel the crisis of the first year to the fullest.

Year 1 crisis

So, the first crisis awaits after about a year of living together. When lovers just start dating, they really want to fall asleep and wake up together, cook breakfast for each other, and be together all the time. It sounds really very nice.

And when, finally, a common roof appears over their heads, at first both in the couple are blown away with happiness. But gradually the partners begin to notice each other’s shortcomings: he blows his nose loudly, she doesn’t close the tube of toothpaste, he doesn’t clean up the dishes, she doesn’t iron his shirts well. Over the course of a year, so many such claims accumulate that it leads to serious scandals.

It turns out that in the first year of marriage, 80% of couples break up. Many people think that they are simply not suitable for each other, but in fact, the same period will come in the next relationship. And so on until both in the couple learn to understand the psychology of relationships. How to overcome this crisis, survive the storm and sail further on the boat of love?

The crisis of the first year of a relationship is treated with patience. You can get used to everything, adapt to it. The main thing is to voice your grievances to each other. Even if he, living with his parents, scattered socks all his life, for the sake of his loved one he will be able to overcome his habit. You just need to say that you don't like it. And not in a scream, not with reproaches, but calmly sit down and explain.

Remember, there are no couples who do not go through this grinding of characters. This is fine. Two different people We lived for many years in different houses, in different conditions, with different people. Of course, you look at many things differently, but over time you will learn to be one if you are patient.

Crisis 3 years

The next crisis comes in 3 years. According to statistics, at this stage of the relationship, lovers are already married, and the first child is born in their family. This period is considered the most difficult. There are no longer two of you, life turns 180 degrees.

A woman's lifestyle changes completely. With the birth of a child, most of she spends time at home. Taking care of the baby takes up almost all of my time. It becomes very difficult to keep up with household chores, and even more so to take care of yourself.

There are not many changes in my husband's life. He continues to go to work, meet with friends, can afford to drink, and is in no way tied to the child’s routine. But when he comes home, he no longer sees his happy well-groomed wife, a three-course dinner and perfect cleanliness in the house.

There is catastrophically little time for each other, hence the crisis. Divorces during this period are very common. Children remain in single-parent families, and two broken hearts They become depressed for a long time. How to avoid falling into this trap and save your family?

At this stage you will need helpers. Let a relative or a nanny stay with the child once a week for a couple of hours. This time is necessary so that the spouses can be alone, devote attention only to each other, go to the movies or a restaurant. For a woman, this is a great way to break up absolutely monotonous days; there is a reason to dress nicely and talk about something other than diapers and diapers.

The man, in turn, will be pleased to see his still well-groomed, interesting and relaxed wife next to him. And again, a change of scenery. It is psychologically more difficult for men to hear children's cries, change diapers, and feed. Good fathers, of course, they agree to help with the child, but sooner or later they will want to take a break from this. And let him rest better with you than with another woman.

Crisis 5 years

The next storm in family life usually occurs in the fifth year. During this period, either a second child is born, or the wife goes to work, and again the usual way of life changes. To ensure that your life cannot be described in two words “work and home”, both spouses will need to try.

The crisis of 5 years will help you overcome common hobbies. Remember what you both like to do? Traveling, theatre, attending sporting events, snowboarding? Spend time together outside the home as often as possible. Go out of town on weekends, go to a water park with the whole family, or just sit with a bottle of wine on Friday.

Crisis 7 years

After 7 years of marriage, a period begins that psychologists call a crisis of monotony. Over 7 years, feelings and emotions become dull, but you still want new sensations. The spouse, at best, seems to be just a friend, or even a neighbor. Women's wisdom will help you overcome this stage.

Under no circumstances demand love and attention from you with tears. Try starting with yourself. Arrange unexpected surprises romantic evenings. It's time to add variety to sex life. Visit a sex shop, buy new lingerie. In general, it is advisable to introduce something new into all areas of your life.

Start a renovation or move, change your image. Nature intended it so that within 7 years a complete renewal of the body’s cells occurs. Please support this update. Start doing something you've never tried before, organize a trip to somewhere you've never been.

Crisis 10 years

The crisis turns out to be next family relations in 10 years. This period often coincides with a midlife crisis for one or both spouses. Cherished dreams are still not realized, the freedom that has been awaited since the first sleepless nights at the baby’s crib has not come, the work is boring, the strength is becoming less and less.

I no longer want to somehow surprise my other half, fly somewhere, run away. At this moment, it’s the man’s turn. It is he who saves the family in a crisis of ten years. His task is to convince his wife that she is still loved and desired, to give flowers, to buy trips to the sea.

Grown-up children often become a cause for conflict, as spouses have different views on education. Don't be shy and seek help from a psychologist. You are not the first, you are not the last. Everything can be solved, you are not alone in your problems.

Crisis 20-25 years

The next and, most likely, last crisis comes 20-25 years later. It would seem that people have experienced so much together, gone through so much together, what kind of quarrels could there be? But in fact, there are also a lot of divorces during this period.

This usually happens in families where spouses lived only for the sake of children. And so, when the offspring grow up, get an education and go into their own adult, separate lives, the parents become bored with each other. Years go by, but life is not over yet, you still want to get everything from it.

It is often children who help overcome such a crisis. They are able to arrange a family council, remind parents of past happy years, arrange some kind of romantic trap for them. Feeling young again is what experienced spouses need. Take advantage of the advantages of your position: you are already sufficiently financially secure, your children have grown up, and you practically no longer bear responsibility for them.

Remember what you dreamed of? Maybe it's time to buy a plot outside the city and start building a house? Or buy a house by the sea? Thank each other more often, give compliments, kiss, go out together.

Take care of each other, show patience and care, and then, having overcome all crises, you will grow old happily together, realizing that you have lived a wonderful life.

Even though crisis in family relationships A rather difficult test for a married couple, it still has a positive connotation. After the crisis has been successfully overcome, the couple moves on to new stage relationship development. The spouses become closer friend to a friend, value their life partner more and treat relationships more carefully. It is better to know the stages of crisis in a relationship over the years and tips on how to overcome them in order to avoid problems.

Crisis of family relations - 1 year

In the first year of marriage, young spouses experience their first family crisis in relationships. It comes at a time when the candy-bouquet period is left behind, and instead of romance comes everyday routine. Partners begin better friend get to know a friend, and besides positive qualities, the shortcomings of a life partner are revealed. The habits of both spouses also play an important role, which can sometimes be very annoying. All these little things accumulate and result in quarrels and mutual reproaches.

In order to overcome this stage of family life with honor, spouses must try to hear each other. It is necessary to choose a calm environment and each spouse must speak out what he does not like and what ways he sees to resolve the issue. You need to learn to talk, listen to each other, understand your other half and compromise.

Thanks to communication in family relationships, rules are developed, boundaries are defined, and the foundation for future family life is laid. After the first family crisis is overcome, relationships noticeably strengthen and change in better side. Unfortunately, couples who could not survive the first crisis break up.

Crisis of family relationships – 3 years

The second crisis in family relationships often occurs at the time of the birth of a child. During this period, the spouses try on new roles - caring parents. The husband experiences a lack of attention from his wife, who is completely absorbed in the baby. Often a man unconsciously begins to be jealous of his wife to your own child, because before she devoted all her free time to him, but now he is relegated to the background.

To overcome the next crisis, a young family needs to spend time together more often. On weekends, go for a walk together in city parks, organize movie nights together, and invite friends over. In this situation, the young husband feels most vulnerable; the wife needs to thank him more often for what he does for the family. It is very important for him now to know that he is still loved and appreciated.

Crisis of family relationships - 5 years

The onset of the third crisis falls on the 5th anniversary of marriage. Often during this period a woman ends maternity leave, and she goes to work. The range of her responsibilities is increasing, because in addition to the usual affairs related to the home, caring for her spouse and child, her professional sphere of activity is included. Mom is torn, trying to keep up in all areas of life, constantly feeling a lack of strength and time. All this provokes lingering irritability, dissatisfaction with oneself and others, and scandals arise more and more often.

To overcome the crisis of 5 years, the husband must help his wife by taking on some of the responsibilities. The spouses should sit down together and discuss, perhaps even make a list of tasks related to the home and caring for the child. Write everything down point by point and distribute responsibilities among each other. For example, a wife can do the cooking, the husband can take out the trash and keep the apartment tidy. Maybe, young man, you may not like this option. But if you leave everything in its place, in the end, the crisis can lead to divorce, so it is necessary to find a way out together.

Crisis of family relationships 7 years

Of all the crises, this is the most complex, referred to as the “crisis of monotony.” Everything goes on as usual - the children grow up, feelings have cooled down and developed into a habit, household responsibilities are distributed between the spouses and are performed automatically.

Spouses may begin to feel frustrated, tired, and feel like life goes on side. I want variety, new experiences. Often during this period, spouses begin to cheat in order to get fresh emotions on the side that are lacking at home. At this stage of family life, large number divorces initiated by women. The wife wants to feel loved, desired, all that she does not receive at the current stage of family life.

Spouses need to choose a calm environment and discuss the problem. You should not start by expressing reproaches and dissatisfaction with each other, this will only worsen the situation. We must try to find common interests, some new hobby that both will enjoy. It is necessary to spend time alone more often. Watching a movie, romantic evenings with candles, walks in the park will bring the couple closer.

Crisis of family relationships 15 - 20 years

This period occurs when the spouses experience a midlife crisis. At this moment, a reassessment of values and reflections on the meaning of life occurs. This same period often marks the transitional age of the child, which brings its own difficulties. In this difficult time, when many problems are superimposed on one another, it is important for spouses not to move away from each other, to be patient, to support their other half, and then the crisis will be overcome.

Family life has its joys and sorrows, ups and downs, white stripes are replaced by black ones. But if spouses go through life holding hands tightly, learn to hear and understand each other, find compromises in the most difficult times, then their reward will be strong family and they won't be afraid crises in family relationships.

Family crisis, psychology and development, causes and signs, how it affects family relationships, ways to overcome it.

The mechanism of development of family crises

A man and a woman join in marriage in the hope of continuing their family line. And for children to grow up intellectually and physically strong, the relationship between two lovers must be stable and reliable. This is the key to the successful functioning and development of the family as a “unit of society.”

Gender relations today differ significantly from the not so distant past, which can be broadly characterized famous phrase that “there was no sex in the USSR.” They have become more dynamic, many moral standards, when society looked disapprovingly at the uninhibited communication of young people, now they only cause a smile.

Nowadays, young people are in no hurry to register their feelings, the very fact that young people often live in civil marriages, quickly come together and separate, the emergence of single-parent families, when a child is often raised by a single mother, does not surprise anyone anymore.

A famous song says that “the most important thing is the weather in the house,” and if the stable, warm and trusting atmosphere between spouses suddenly disappeared, then we need to talk about a crisis in family life, which often threatens the very existence of the family.

Important to know! " Ideal relationship in marriage are possible only when they are not a necessary condition human survival." I. Yalom. "When Nietzsche cried."

Causes of family crises

Psychologists are confident that crises in family life are a natural phenomenon in the union of two lovers. However, it is necessary to be able to overcome the “mood swings” that appear at different life stages family functioning, each of them has its own specifics. This will only contribute to the development and strengthening of the marriage union.

The psychology of family crises considers two types of circumstances that seriously affect the relationships of loved ones. The former disrupt the normal functioning of the family and can lead to its collapse. The latter allow you to eliminate the negative aspects of life and strengthen marriage, allowing you to bring the union of a man and a woman to a new, more high level. The causes of difficult situations are most often difficulties of a domestic nature. However, there are many others that can cause a family crisis.

Let's look at this in more detail:

Age crisis. A husband or wife is experiencing a psychological breakdown associated with a reassessment of their own values, which change with age. At this time, you want to change yourself and your family life.
Family development crisis. Associated with certain stages of family life, when children appear and care for them. Nursery, school, adolescence, further studies, etc.
Job loss. If one of the spouses is left without income, this affects the psychological atmosphere in the family. Constant scandals can even lead to divorce.
Poor relationships with relatives. It often happens that newlyweds live under the same roof with the husband’s or wife’s parents; often such cohabitation leads to generational conflict, which negatively affects relationships in a young family.
Change financial situation . Let's say the wife begins to earn much more than her husband. For false reasons, he began to feel that he was not the head of the family, this leads to conflict.
Moving to a new place of residence. It is often forced because it is associated with difficult family circumstances, and this stressful situation requiring immediate permission.
Heavy chronic disease someone close to you. I don’t think any special explanations are needed here. Constantly caring for a patient and a joyless daily environment are not conducive to positive communication.
Birth of a defective child. You will have to live with this all the years. Not every family is able to survive such a difficult situation without mutual accusations; a serious family crisis is evident here.
Unequal position in the family. For example, a woman takes care of children and housework, and her husband constantly reproaches him for supporting her.
One of the spouses devotes a lot of time to work. Let's say a wife reproaches her husband for coming late, and even suspects him of cheating, and his excuses are only a diversion.
Lack of support at the psycho-emotional level. When the small joys or sorrows of one are perceived coldly by another, like, “come to think of it, it’s nothing special!”, this is fraught with complications in the family, up to a relationship crisis.
Early marriage. Not every young family is able to overcome the everyday problems that befall them; it can lead to divorce.
Different views and interests. They seemed to get together for love, but after a while it turned out that they were completely different people, there is nothing in common in their views on life. Crisis of relations in in this case inevitable.

Remember! True love There is always only one, you need to take care of it!

The main signs of family crises

If spouses are deaf to each other on an emotional level, this is already a crisis situation. Psychologists say that the vast majority of couples complain about difficulties in communication. Before this main “trigger” of the “showdowns” that begin in the family, all the others seem not so significant, although this is far from the case. They should be taken seriously. There are quite a lot of signs indicating the beginning of a family crisis, when relations between spouses begin to cool.

A characteristic manifestation of a family crisis can be:

The couple stopped seeing each other as the only unique person. The routine dragged on - the monotony and monotony of family life, a quick addiction occurred, “the same as everyone else,” common interests disappeared.
Lost interest in intimacy . Ordinary fruit becomes boring. Although the reasons may be different, specialist advice is needed here.
. On most issues (raising children, finances, relationships with family and friends, etc.) there are disagreements, even quarrels.
Reluctance to give in to others. When everything he (she) says and does is perceived with irritation, causes disagreement, and you want to contradict. “This is wrong, this is how it should be!”;
Emotional coldness. There is no particular desire to talk, to trust each other with their feelings and thoughts.
Too smooth relationships or eternal scandals. The dictatorship of one of the spouses, usually a man, when no one dares to contradict him, creates the appearance of a successful family, in fact, it is a crisis situation. The opposite is constant scandals that undermine family foundations.
Reluctance to understand each other. If a conflict situation arises, no one wants to give in or listen to the other’s arguments.
Scream like defensive reaction in a dispute. This is a sign of the weakness of the arguments of one of the spouses; it is worth thinking about this and not bringing the situation to a serious disagreement.
Decisions in the family are made by only one of the spouses. There is a serious psychological problem in a relationship, which, if not resolved in time, can lead to a family crisis.
No division of family responsibilities. If spouses do not really understand who is responsible for what, conflicts often arise. This state of affairs is typical for newlyweds; it does not strengthen, but weakens the family.

Remember! Only a friendly attitude towards each other will allow us to maintain many years a successful union of two loving hearts.

Main periods of family crises

According to psychologists, the family is a “unit of society” that is not frozen in its development; its qualitative transition from one state to another is accompanied by crisis phenomena when contradictions grow between husband and wife. And only the ability to recognize and smooth them out in time will help spouses avoid serious disagreements.

The nuance here is that if he and she love each other dearly, the crisis of family relationships is difficult. If the marriage was concluded out of convenience, it may have inexpressive features that are completely invisible to the prying eye.

Psychologists distinguish two types of family crises: normative and non-normative. The first are considered as a transitional stage from one state of the family to another (the birth of a child, begins to speak, goes to kindergarten, etc.) or are associated with the problems of the spouses, for example, the decline of sexual function in men and menopause in women. The second is associated with an analysis of the circumstances that caused crisis relationships in the family.

In the life of a family, there are several periods of family crises, which some psychologists specify by year:

. Statistics show that approximately 50% of newlyweds get divorced without being married for even a year. The standard explanation is that everyday life is stuck. It is implied that the period of romantic love experiences quickly passed, family relationships, even before they had time to develop, crashed on the “rocks” everyday problems.
Second (after 3-5 years of marriage). The spouses have already “got used to it”, children have appeared, you need to think about setting up your “nest”, supporting and raising children, which is associated with concerns about material wealth (search prestigious job, career growth). At this time, a certain alienation occurs on a psychological level, when an involuntary chill appears in the relationship, because the overwhelming worries do not allow them to pay enough attention to each other.
Third (after 7-9 years of marriage). Difficult period gradual "sobering up". The time for rosy dreams is gone forever. Everything has settled down and turned out far from what was dreamed of before marriage. “The Love Boat” is firmly based on prose family problems primarily associated with children. The time has come for disappointment from the thought that there will no longer be anything particularly remarkable in life.
Fourth. It is believed that it occurs after 16-20 years of living together, when children are already quite old, new problems arise with them. And it seems that in personal life everything has already happened, some success has been achieved in your career, the thought “what’s next?” does not find an optimistic answer.
Fifth. Occurs when a husband and wife are approaching 50 (although there may be variations when one of the two is older or younger). Associated with matured children, they have already graduated from school, higher educational institutions, fluttered out of their native “nest” and became independent. “Orphaned” parents have to rebuild their lives; they need to somehow manage the suddenly appeared free time, which was previously spent on caring for their children.
Sixth. Actually, it can be considered as option five. When a son or daughter (having gotten married) stayed to live with their parents. A new family member is always a stressful situation; because of him, you have to abruptly break the usual rhythm of life that has been established for years. Such a crisis in family relationships affects not only the parents, but also the young family, and often ends in divorce. Although there is also positive side, if the relationship between the “old people” and the young has developed successfully, grandparents devote their time to their new grandchildren.
Seventh. When a husband and wife retire and are left alone, the children have long lived their own lives and, quite possibly, even in another city. The social circle narrows sharply, the spouses feel lonely, and a lot of free time appears, which often has nothing to occupy it with. And here the main thing is to be able to restructure yourself psychologically, to find something you like.
Eighth. One might say, the last senile crisis period, when one of the spouses dies. The severity of the loss loved one, with which you live your life, has a hard impact on the psyche, you have to live with this pain for the rest of the time.

Important to know! Crises in family life are a fact of normal family development. You just need to know how to overcome them.

Ways to overcome family crises

Modern psychological science the question of how to overcome a family crisis does not give a clear answer. It’s not for nothing that they say that “husband and wife are one Satan,” and therefore if they have a sound mind and want to maintain a healthy relationship, they themselves need to solve the difficulties that have arisen in the family, and not bring them to a conflict situation, when even the recommendations of a psychologist can become already late.

To prevent this from happening, you should adhere to several general and completely useful tips; they will help spouses not turn an ordinary skirmish into a crisis in family relations:

There is no need to harbor resentment. Let's say a husband scolds his wife, but she remains silent with a guilty look. Hidden resentment eats away at the soul. Sometimes you can make a scandal, but you should adhere to certain rules so that it doesn’t go “off scale” when scandals turn into insults and cause a serious, unforgivable offense that is not easily forgotten.
You can't insult! In a quarrel, there is no need to get personal: “And you are like this, and your parents and friends are so-and-so...”, it’s better to talk about your feelings, let’s say that “it’s not fun for me to be at home alone all the time.”
Don't wash dirty linen out of your family. You cannot insult each other in public; strangers should not know your personal and family problems at all.
Remember the “golden rule” of morality. Don’t wish for your loved ones (other people) what you don’t wish for yourself.
Learn to be critical of yourself. Put yourself in the shoes of your spouse, that is, look with different eyes, this will help you objectively assess and sensibly resolve the problem that has arisen in the family.
Avoid obviously controversial topics. If, for example, the husband loves football, but the wife does not, try not to touch on this topic.
Take your irritation out on paper. Keep a diary, entrust your feelings to it, it will help you calm down. A notebook will endure anything, but a living person can be offended by an evil word.
Everyone should have their own corner of freedom. It’s good if living conditions allow it, but even in cramped conditions you need to find a place where you can be at least a little by yourself, alone with your thoughts and feelings.
Trust each other. It’s good when each spouse can, say, spend an evening with their friends without fear of serious consequences at home.
Same hobby. If a husband and wife have the same hobby, this creates a healthy family climate; such families, as a rule, are conflict-free.
Know how to analyze problems that have arisen in the family. Only an analysis of the causes of conflicts will help to resolve them successfully.

Remember! True family relationships are impossible without a trusting relationship between spouses.

How to overcome a family crisis - watch the video

Our only real wealth is our family. You only need to worry about her, “and let her worry about the rest!” I wish everyone a successful life without insoluble family crises!

According to sociological research In the field of family relations, each family, going through some stages of development, usually faces crises. It is believed that the most important complications of family life are everyday difficulties. However, in addition to everyday life, there are other reasons that provoke a crisis in a family at any stage of its existence.

Problems in married life usually arise when one of the spouses experiences a crisis psychological nature, for example, midlife crisis. A person, reviewing his life, feels self-dissatisfaction, which provokes him to make any changes, including family life. Significant changes in family life may include the birth of a child, his/her enrollment in school, the child’s adolescence, leaving the parental home, as well as any difficulties at work, problems in relationships with relatives, deterioration or improvement of financial situation, moving to another city or country. In addition, serious reasons for changes in family relationships can be serious illness, death, loss of work, or the birth of disabled children.

Symptoms of a crisis:

reducing the desire of spouses for sexual relations;
lack of desire to please each other;
issues related to raising children lead to quarrels and mutual reproaches;
too obvious differences of opinion on significant issues;
misunderstanding between spouses;
the appearance of irritation at the actions and words of the husband or wife;
one of the spouses believes that he is forced to regularly yield to the wishes and opinions of the other;
husband and wife stop sharing their problems and joys.

There are usually several dangerous “ages” of a family:
Lived the first married year. Most couples break up during this period of marriage, because family relationships do not withstand the test of everyday life. In addition, the reasons for disagreements may be a reluctance to distribute responsibilities, change habits, etc., or adapt to another person.

Period from 3 to 5 years of married life. At this time, in almost every family, the spouses are busy with their professional growth, decide housing issue, and it is also during this period that children are born. Constant physical and nervous tension, caring for children alienate spouses from each other, as a result of which the feeling of love turns into marital friendship.

During the period from 7 to 9 years of marriage, a crisis may also arise, which can be triggered by the spouses getting used to each other. This period is characterized by stability, constancy of relationships, the children have grown up, everything goes on as usual. However, couples often experience disappointment in their family life because it is not what they imagined it to be before marriage. During this period, routine and monotony become the main danger of destruction of family relationships, since both spouses want something new, unusual sensations.

After 16-20 years of marriage, another serious crisis may occur, which in most cases is aggravated by the midlife crisis of one of the spouses. The spouses realize that everything in life seems to be done, everything they wanted has been achieved, and at this moment a feeling of fear appears. What to do next?

Some foreign sociologists identify another crisis period in family life: when adult children leave the parental home. IN at the moment the couple loses their main unifying interest - raising children. Now they are left alone. During this period, it is more difficult for women than for men, because they are to a greater extent busy with home and raising children. For our country, this aspect of the crisis is less relevant, since very often children remain to live with their parents or parents take an active part in their future fate.

Risk factors for family life.
Having a child to save the relationship. As statistics show, everything happens exactly the opposite. However, children can still influence the strengthening of relationships between parents when, while dealing with the problems of children, parents forget about their conflicts and make peace. When the children grow up, the parents are again left alone with their contradictions, and by that time they do not know how to communicate with each other. But it also happens that spouses, being on the verge of breaking up their relationship, learn that they will become parents and decide to resume and improve their relationship. Many people succeed.

Early marriages. They are considered fragile, since young people have to solve many material, everyday and other problems too early. However, for those who have lived alone for a long time, it can be more difficult to change their usual lifestyle, as well as adapt to someone else. In early marriages, mutual “grinding in” is less painful due to the psychological flexibility characteristic of young people.

Stable and measured relationships cause a crisis. It is believed that married couples break up due to the problems that have piled up. However, some families break up due to routine and boredom, while problems of a financial and professional nature have already been resolved. Difficulties in many cases only bring the couple closer together.

never insult each other;
never generalize if you blame your spouse for something: “You always...”. In such cases, it is recommended to talk about yourself, how bad and offended you are;
Do not criticize each other in front of strangers under any circumstances;
always tell others what you want to hear addressed to you;
put yourself in the place of a husband or wife;
with different points of view on any issues, in order to avoid conflict situations, it is better to avoid topics related to these issues.

How to cope with the crisis that has arisen?
Very often, what caused a crisis in one family, on the contrary, unites another. The most important thing that can be recommended in all family conflicts and disagreements is the ability to forgive and accept apologies, since “sulking” at a partner for several days is very dangerous; he may get tired of it. If you don't want to put up or are simply not ready for this, you need to say so directly. All family crises are communication crises. Difficulties in communication between couples are the number one problem in family relationships. Let's learn to communicate normally, and not in a raised voice or, even worse, remain silent. Try to find compromises, respect and listen to each other’s opinions. Also, be actively involved and interested in your husband or wife's life and hobbies. The most important thing is that you should not be afraid of a crisis, since many married couples, without noticing at all, pass them by, overcoming the difficulties that arise.

How successfully the spouses manage to resolve the crisis depends on further development family. A crisis in a relationship reveals not only the negative, but also the valuable that unites and connects a man and a woman.

In addition, a family psychologist can help you cope with the crisis. Most of us believe that we can do without it by having a heartfelt conversation with a friend or parents. However, they can only express support for you, and not find a way to solve the root of the problem.

Psychologists identify several periods of decline in the development of family relationships, which are caused by dissatisfaction with each other, frequent quarrels, disappointed hopes, differences of opinion, silent protests and reproaches.

These are normal crisis situations, however, they may have critical value for the development of marriage. It depends on how the spouses behave whether they will be able to resolve the crisis situation and develop the family, or whether they will lead the situation to the breakdown of the marriage.

The crisis is based on natural processes in the development of family relationships. Therefore, you should not look for the cause of problems in yourself or in your partner. These patterns must be taken into account and your behavior adjusted in accordance with them.

It is very important to be patient in a crisis situation and not to act rashly.

The main periods of downturn in relationships may occur:

1. In the first days immediately after the wedding.

2. At 2-3 months of marriage.

3. After six months of marriage.

4. Crisis of 1 year of relationship.

5. After the birth of the first child.

6. At 3-5 years of family life.

7. At 7-8 years of marriage.

8. After 12 years of marriage.

9. After 20-25 years of marriage.

It is worth considering that these are conditional periods of family crises, and they do not happen in all marriages. Every change in the life of a family, every transition to new stage, as a rule, is accompanied by the emergence of periods of crisis. The birth of a child, someone's illness, a child entering school - all these events can cause changes in the family or its structure that are accompanied by problematic situations.

The most dangerous family crises

The most critical are the two periods that most often provoke divorces and remarriages. It is impossible to avoid these periods, but you can learn to manage them so that they end in the strengthening of the family, and not its disintegration.

Relationship crisis "3 years";

First critical period occurs between the 3rd and 7th year of marriage and lasts, at best, about a year. The root of the problems lies in the fact that there is no longer romance between partners, in everyday life they begin to behave differently than when they were in love, disagreements and dissatisfaction grow, and a feeling of deception appears.

Spouses are advised to limit discussion marital relations and practical problems, temporarily avoid manifestations romantic love. It is better to communicate on topics of your partner’s professional interests, not to demand that each other be sociable, to lead an open life and not to give up your interests and social circle.

Midlife crisis.

The second critical period is between 13-23 years of married life, it is less deep, but longer. In this case, the family crisis coincides with a midlife crisis, which happens to many people closer to 40 years old. It occurs as a result of a mismatch between life goals and their implementation. At this age, the pressure of time begins to be felt - a person is no longer confident that he will have time to implement his plans.

Those around us also change their attitude: the time for advances is running out, we move from the category of “promising” to the category of mature people from whom results are expected. During this period comes a rethinking of plans, values and adjustment of personality in accordance with changed living conditions.

In middle age, people experience increased emotional instability, fears, somatic complaints, and a feeling of loneliness after children leave. Women experience increased emotional dependence, they worry about aging, and are also afraid of possible betrayals by their husband, who may begin to experience an increased interest in sensual pleasures on the “before it’s too late” side.

In such a crisis situation, it is important for spouses to purposefully distract themselves from the problems of aging and strive for entertainment. Since at this age few people show such initiative, outside intervention may be required. Also, you should not unnecessarily exaggerate or dramatize your spouse’s infidelity. It would be more correct to simply wait until his interest in extramarital affairs wears off. Often this is where it all ends.