Vulgar phrases for a girl to cheer up. The most positive quotes and sayings

A selection of the best positive quotes and sayings about life, for every day, about love and mood, in pictures and funny. Statuses about positive people.

Positive quotes for every day

Appreciate those who scored on their pride for you, who always forgave and always waited, fate provides you with such people only once.

Appreciate the day by the evening, and life - by the end. (D. Herbert)

Aim for the moon... for even if you miss, land on one of the stars. (Les Brown)

Pass all the negativity through your fingers, and then only joy will remain in your palms!

Best Positive Funny Quotes

Looking for a woman? ... better look for money. The woman will find you.

At the hairdresser: "I want to get my head in order." Hairdresser: "This is not for us, a psychiatrist in the house opposite!"

You sit in Odnoklassniki all day, click on the exit and they ask you: “How are you leaving? So fast?" And it gets kind of creepy.

It's good when it's good! Otherwise, it's disgusting.

Well, okay, a bear stepped on my ear, and he seems to have slept with you.

Learned to kiss on tomatoes and think you're ready for life? Buy bananas.

In order for everything to turn out well in the end, it must first enter well.

Positive Statuses and Quotes

Think about something else, your thoughts can be seen through your pants.

In what year were you born? In what month? What date?... And what the hell?

Never doubt your attractiveness! Remember: the scales lie, people envy, and the mirror in general, bitch, is crooked!

My family is strange: dad talks to his car, mom talks to flowers, sister talks to cats, I'm the only normal one with a computer and a phone.

And where??? - the gynecologist asked the mermaid ...

The most useless struggle is the struggle between heart and mind. After all, often, a completely different part of the body wins.

Everything fell into place - according to the horoscope of the Indians, I am a deer.

Do you want to change your gait? Do not drink TEA, but drink VODKA!

Positive Quotes in Pictures

Positive thoughts, quotes about life with meaning.

Life is the art of drawing comforting conclusions from disappointing premises. (Butler Samuel)

To reach the goal, you have to go. (Honore de Balzac)

Wherever you can live, you can live well! (Aurelius Mark Antoninus)

Fate is fate, but the choice is yours!

You cannot take one huge step that will immediately ensure that you achieve the desired goal. For any desired goal is achieved through many small and quite ordinary steps. (Peter Cohen)

Positive Love Quotes

"Chasest is she whom no one desires." (Ovid)

If someone else likes your beloved woman, this is not a reason for jealousy. So you made the right choice. This is a reason for pride - someone's dream is in your hands!

Why do you always fall in love with someone who can easily get along without you?

Spent the night with him, SLEEPED ... in general, I realized - not mine ...

In late love, perhaps there is no passion inherent in twenty years. But, she has such a depth of feelings that the young did not even dream of.

In a relationship, you need to give so much freedom so that the person himself wants to be with you more and more often. Love is when you do not hold a person, but always give the right to choose ...

Only when you fall in love at first sight do you realize how short-sighted you are.

Positive thinking and attitude - quotes.

God, give me wisdom to understand a man, Love to forgive him, Patience to endure... Just don't give me strength, otherwise I'll kill him!!!

I am at a wonderful age: the nonsense has already weathered, it is still far from insanity! This is not about me))) I have not weathered))) insanity will come - and the place is occupied ...

Remember this simple phrase, everything will be, but not immediately!!!

Don't be afraid of change. Most often, they happen exactly at the moment when they are needed.

“You need to marry only the one that has beauty!” - A cheerful young man noticed ...

But the sad man answered him this way: “The ugly woman should be taken as a wife. You won't be afraid to lose."

And the third was prudent ... He said so: "I will marry a smart one ...".

They were thrown by an old man who was walking by: “WE SHOULD MARRY THE BELOVED!!!”

Do not tempt fate - she may not endure torture ...

How useful are cool expressions and phrases? For any occasion, some people always have jokes, jokes, sayings that are capable of others. A witty, ironic, cheerful person endures adversity more easily and will not go into his pocket for a word.

Reality sometimes presents not the most pleasant surprises. Overload at the workplace, stressful situations in one's own home, insecurity in friends, work colleagues, and in the future as a whole often lead to a breakdown. It's not worth saying that in the soul at such moments - just cats scratching. What to do in such turbulent times?

What can help relieve stress?

Many people, being victims of unexpected pressure, try to look for, if not oblivion, then recharge, in the regular use of various stimulants. Moreover, some of them begin to support themselves with relatively safe energy drinks, and end their lives as avid drug addicts.

Even our favorite tea is among these energy drinks. It is known that tea is able to cheer up for no apparent reason. However, over time, this can lead to a real chemical addiction. Therefore, it is much better to relieve stress by remembering and using cool expressions for any occasion.

Will humor and jokes help to cope with stress?

Appropriate jokes and jokes can improve mood and relieve stress without any additional chemical doping. It is for this reason that the article is devoted to humorous expressions applicable in a variety of life situations. .

Having become acquainted with it, you will not only improve your mood here and now. By memorizing some of these expressions, you can cheer yourself up whenever the need arises. Moreover, such a beneficial effect will have practically no side effects.

The main thing here is not to overdo it when communicating with people who do not understand humor. After all, some may condemn even the most innocent joke, and light sarcasm for them is like a personal insult!

When can funny expressions about life be used in a speech?

If you can't change the situation, change your attitude towards it. This is the upbringing of positive character traits that make it easier to go through life, quickly find new friends and help old ones. Cool expressions filled with subtle humor will help defuse the situation in almost any situation. They can be used both when something went wrong, and when the heart is overwhelmed with joy. The most important thing is that the interlocutor is on the same emotional wavelength with you. If this condition is met, neither you nor your listeners will be bored.

Examples of the coolest expressions about family life

In this block you will find the most famous funny expressions that can be used in the process of communicating with family members. Especially this block is recommended to be studied by the male half: do not forget that women love witty ones. Introducing our TOP 10:

Marital ties are a difficult matter, so they are usually carried by two, and sometimes by three.
Lover from first marriage.
The naivety of a woman: even watching porn movies, she hopes that sex will end with a wedding.
A declaration of love is like a signal of the exact time. It is true only at the moment of pronunciation.
My trembling half.
You and I are one blood - you are Chuk, I am Huck.
When it's raining and melancholy outside, saw your husband - create an atmosphere of comfort.
It is better to be jealous of a woman for a stove than for a computer.
My children are concerned about the question of where everything came from, me - where everything went.
Happiness is when the desired moments coincide with the inevitable.
A strong marriage is a humble husband and a wife who treats him like a king.

Cool expressions on vacation

To fill the rest with smiles and fun, you can use almost any jokes and jokes. The most suitable of them will be cool expressions from films. If those do not come to mind, remember something from the following TOP:

One drop of nicotine will kill a horse, three hundred - able to defeat
A quickly drunk glass cannot be considered poured.
Today you do not drink with us, but tomorrow you will betray your Motherland.
Eat, eat, dear guests. If your conscience has completely disappeared, then you can come tomorrow.
Smart people are nice to talk to, but hard to work with.
My life is leaving so quickly, as if she is no longer interested in me.
There are no ugly women - there are underfunded ones.
To make a woman happy, let her sometimes do nothing.
A person who values life will not distort it with dirty thoughts.
Monogamy will make only one person unhappy.

and expressions appropriate in the queue to the doctor

Should I go to the doctor again? Do not despair! Our coolest expressions, presented in the following TOP, can make a visit to the doctor easy and fun:

Visit the website of the dental clinic - www.zubov.net.
One head is already good, but the torso will also come in handy.
The patient refused an autopsy, so the doctor was forced to treat him.
The doctor cannot prolong life, so he prolongs the disease.
The doctor asks the patient with a knife in his back: - Are you in a lot of pain? - No, it's unpleasant only when I laugh.
Medicines are so expensive that while you earn money on them, time will heal.
A new version of the Hippocratic Oath: only upon presentation of an insurance policy...
That's what our Fortune Teller suffered.
The freer the medicine, the more expensive the medicines.
It was a beautiful leg ... Let's have a second one!

Cool expressions applicable during a quarrel

Of course, quarrels are not the most pleasant thing. But even they can be made less painful if you learn to “send” people you don’t like more or less beautifully. The following is the next TOP, in which you will find expressions with meaning, cool insults of cultured people:

How much will principles be on your exchange today?
Of course, everyone wants to be honest ... But I want to be rich more.
Yes, it's time to weed your head.
Grunting is the new sign of consent!
There are simply no unbearable people, only narrow doors.
Who made a face like this for you?
Let it be rubbish. But take as much as you want!
I noticed by the face of your alarm clock - you are getting ready to ring again.
There is no need to stage thoughts here.
And reluctance to live, and too lazy to shoot yourself.

Cool expressions about gray everyday life

Cool expressions about life are an opportunity to colorize gray everyday life. Want to see for yourself? Read the following TOP:

Soon they will start to plant all the malicious non-payers of bribes.
Don't smile at me like a taxman.
I have more and more nightmares.
To be completely happy, I want to survive.
The 112 service received another call. Rescuers were upset, but they decided not to pick up the phone.
If a bald spot is a path trampled down by thoughts, then I am the most thinking person!
Even New Year someone hates. Well, for example, Christmas trees.
To eat so much, you have to eat.
If you are always surrounded by fools, then you are the most important of them.
I'd rather sweat seven times than frost once.

Cool expressions used instead of insults

There are people to whom you explain at least 1000 times, repeat - everything is useless! However, even in this case, do not despair and be sad. After all, cool expressions for communicating with an unpleasant interlocutor can come up in slippery situations. Communication with "particularly gifted" people is no exception. To find out how to nevertheless point out to such people all the stupidity of their situation, remember a few expressions from the following TOP:

Sewerage is the only thing that can unite us.
I see you are smart! I see - the skull is too tight. I can fix it.
Smile more, the boss needs more idiots.
Don't make me nervous! I already have nowhere to hide the corpses!
The hero is alone. When there are many heroes, they are called hooligans.
I look, soon someone will get off with a slight fright.
You won't have to wait long for a warning shot to the head.
Be careful, take care of yourself, don't let your brain think.
If I get up, I'm afraid a nuclear war will ruin such a beautiful day for you.
Increasingly, I feel an irresistible desire to obscenely admire your behavior.

Cool expressions to help admit your mistake

Oddly enough, funny ones can smooth the situation when you don’t feel like laughing at all. One such situation is the need to admit one's own mistakes. To find out what can be said in such an inconvenient case, check out the next TOP:

The source of my wisdom is my experience. The source of my experience is my stupidity.
There are people who do not make mistakes, which means they are simply afraid to act.
Our delusions will die before us, so there is no need to make a mummy out of them.
Experience is such a thing that you get instead of what you wanted.
Experience is such a thing that appears immediately after it was needed.
I will not try to have time to explain something in between slaps. And it will turn out indistinctly, and it will be necessary to repeat.
Why commit the sin of being discouraged by mistakes when there are more pleasant sins around!
Today I am quieter than water and funnier than grass.
And yet, I did not manage to violate all decorum today.
Wisdom is not in not making mistakes, but in not repeating them again.

Descriptions of news and other recent events

Watching the news, these days, can be just as stressful as talking to an angry boss. Our final TOP “Cool catchphrases about modern life” will provide you with invaluable help in detente:

On election day, the people voted.
Also say that Lenin was a skinhead!
The main thing is to win. After all, the winners will not be planted.
Walking at night is the easiest way to commit suicide.
Debauchery is any sex in which you are not involved.
The more I think about it, the more convinced that Eve not only ate the forbidden apple, but also made a fashionable bag out of the poor Serpent.
If I'm on a plane, I'll take the front seat. When the plane crashes, the beer cart will again pass by me! At least get drunk before I die.
It seems that steaks with blood of the second group will soon become the most common dish.
Driver, watch out for places where children can suddenly jump out!
Psychoanalysis is the effort of the brain to get pleasure intended for another organ.

A little more about the benefits and expressions in everyday life

If an article on the topic “Cool expressions for any occasion” at least encourages someone not to resort to various chemical doping just to cope with the negative effects of stress, then it was not written in vain.

Of course, constant stress is an unpleasant thing, but you can and should learn to cope with it without medication. Is it difficult? Actually not very much. It will be difficult at the very beginning. Especially these difficulties can affect those who have already managed to become dependent on some chemicals.

If we are talking about drug addiction or advanced alcoholism, in order to overcome addiction, you will most likely have to consult a narcologist.

However, most readers do not belong to this population group. This means that you can train your own mind to successfully deal with stress. To achieve this goal without serious difficulties, you need to learn how to switch from what upsets you to the exact opposite moments in time. It will take quite a bit of time, and you will notice that achieving this goal is not difficult at all. The main thing here is not to let yourself get turned on!

After all, if someone from your environment behaves in a boorish way, this is his problem, not yours. Why waste your energy on other people's problems? And even if you were mistaken: what will the hassle and bitter tears give? Wouldn't it be better to just draw the right conclusions and not repeat past missteps and mistakes?

The media is bombarding us with an endless stream of negative news. And what does it give? Will there be fewer wars? Will planes stop crashing? Will all drivers and pedestrians learn to follow the rules of the road? Unfortunately, all these questions can be considered rhetorical. Therefore, after all, you should not worry too much about everything that the media brings down on us. Let's live together with our nervous system. And constant stress has never prolonged anyone's health!

Therefore, the only thing that can really help us is a correct attitude to everything that happens both in the world around us and directly in our lives. Any difficulties are easier to endure in a calm mood. And the best assistants in the constant struggle with stress, apathy, depression and constant fear are ourselves. The ability to control one's own mind, to have cool phrases and expressions in stock is one of the types of positive survival.

Continue to look at your life with a smile, endure difficulties with a cold mind, and notice the positive aspects in any situation. And most importantly - stop worrying about trifles! Life loves those who take it lightly! And then everything in your life will be just wonderful!

Everyday life confronts us with periodic problems at work, which are sometimes difficult to solve without a sense of humor. That is why in reserve you need to have a couple of funny aphorisms that will completely defuse the stop.

To knock on the clave is not to control the joystick.
The programmer is sleeping - work is in progress.
System administrators don't die - they go offline.
I am a politician and I know how to send people so that they will be happy to wait for a trip.
Users of social networks and fans of playing "Klondike" at work have greatly developed the ability of peripheral vision and quick reaction.
Give me a point of support, at least I will lie down there (an analogy with “I will turn the Earth over)
The chief wants to find a magician, but he gets only storytellers.
If management disagrees with you, then immediately argue why you are wrong.
Disagree with the team? Be the boss. Let them try to disagree with you.
Russia is an amazing country. Everywhere they work to get a bonus, but here, so as not to lose it.
The boss is always right, because this unique person decides on a courageous act: to voice the decision made by the back seat with his mouth.
A woman has two paths: to successfully marry and not work, or to find a job that does not need to be married.
The best corporate party is the one after which, at the entrance of each colleague, everyone applauds and hoots in unison.
They talk about the bosses either well, or at another job.
The first vacation, when you rest yourself, the second - when the boss.

Easily cheer up colleagues is not difficult. And you will still become a noble comedian, which is priceless in a team. After all, finding friends and like-minded people is priceless, for this you should use cool phrases to cheer up the team.

How to cheer up people

If you want to become the soul of the company, then you will need interesting sayings about life in your arsenal of eloquence to cheer you up. They can be used in completely different situations and are easy to juggle with expressions in dialogues with others. What encouraging phrases with a touch of irony and humor can be used?

Wife refuses to talk in the morning? Rejoice, the corporate party was a success.
A man should have a wonderful family so that he would happily return home and a terrible mother-in-law so that he hurries back to work.
Small children in the back seat lead to an accident, and an accident in the back seat leads to small children.
And why aren't women like dogs? They understand everything, but they cannot say.
What you sow, you will not find.
With alcohol, you need to know the measure, otherwise you can drink less.
I know my limit, but can you drink it?
- What is missing in the child's body if he eats plasticine? – Brains!
Frighten customers who are interested in how to get to our car dealership by bus from the metro station. After all, they are interested in Gelendvagen.
You have to work for a miser, he pays twice.
Drinking tap water is harmful, but an apple washed with it is immediately free of bacteria.
To print photos of winter St. Petersburg, it is enough to have a black-and-white printer at hand.
Life experience comes only with reptiles.
Millionaires earn hundreds of times more than me, but I'm the only one that's interested in the IRS. Looks like delivery problems.
Grandma lets you walk without a hat in winter? Check to see if she's not yours.
An alarm clock is like the sound of a gunshot. Most lie dead.
- Good afternoon, we are from St. Petersburg. Well, you should not threaten from the threshold.
If your boyfriend does not hang out with friends, does not interrupt, is with you all the time, then poke him with a shelf - he, like, died.
If before work you are happy to look at the opposite sex, and after that you don’t, it means that the intimacy was somewhere in the middle.
When on Monday the boss says: “Well, get to work!” The main thing is not to think that this is a toast.

Use your humor to add something of your own to the suggested phrases. It is possible that in the company you will be valued precisely for impromptu jokes, understanding someone else's mood; and very soon they will quote your statements. Sometimes one word or sentence can establish contact in a team if you bring a genuine smile to your faces.

Laughter is the solution to all problems

Even when you feel tension in the team or are very depressed yourself, it is enough to remember positive thoughts to cheer you up, and everything around will sparkle with new colors. And if you are positive, you will be able to give a charge of positive energy to everyone who is close to you.

Do you want to enjoy life? So live and enjoy it.
Fate often throws us back a step, but this is only for a run before a big jump.
It's nice to think that in someone's fate I'm also a rake.
You need to dream about what is forbidden to even think about.
Said you were born to crawl? Rejoice, you are one of those people who will never spoil from above.
Always go for your dream. Tired of walking? crawl. There is no strength to crawl, well, at least lie down and lie in the direction of the dream.
I have a conscience! I use it rationally.
I got in a good mood. To be treated and I don’t think, let everyone else get infected.
Every pancake is lumpy? So sculpt cool lumps.
The black streak of my life will be only from the best chocolate.
If life is a series of black and white, then I intend to stop at white and go along.
Only the one who does not lie to the question: “How are you?” is happy.
Happiness does not come, I will go, I will step on it myself.
I want a miracle! Do not offer yogurt!
If a man leaves you, do not hold back, but ask him to throw out the trash along the way.
And where I just did not go. I didn’t go to the Maldives, I didn’t go to Cyprus, I didn’t even go to Greece. I think where not to go this year.
Why do you think I'm vindictive? I have a very bad memory, I have to write everything down.
Previously, if a girl met a guy in a cool car, she knew that he had money, and now that there is a loan.
Dad, please, when he asks for my hand, just say that you don't mind. No need to hug him and call him your savior!
My parents told me that it was time for me to live alone. Well, I collected their things, I'm waiting.
In the look of my cat it is read that I live in her apartment and it seems that it is time for me to move out.
I like that you are not sick with me ... I don’t like that you are sick in life.
Came home. The husband cooked dinner, cleaned the apartment. I thought I screwed up in what, but no, the computer broke down.
Are you trying to spit on my back? Fine, so I'm ahead.
Look for the positive in everything. A fire is being put out above you in an apartment, which means it’s worth having a foam party.

It is not difficult to memorize words and phrases for every day to surprise friends, colleagues or relatives. But you will be the star of the program at any party and gatherings. Of course, you should not say them out of place, but it is easy to wait for the right moment to impress others.

Joke about everything and always

Sometimes even laconic sarcasm will not cause discontent. A subtle prank on someone will only spice up your humor. It is worth remembering that this can only be done in the company of close friends. Unfamiliar people will not appreciate your impulse. But any positive statements addressed to someone will always go with a bang. Aphorisms to cheer up will cause your popularity.

Funny phrases to cheer up short and long ones that you should keep for yourself:

I'm a cat and I don't care what mice think of me.
I was not noticed in the connections discrediting me. - Were there any such connections? - What are you, just not noticed.
Even if I fall on my face in the mud, it will be curative.
Horseradish is a very educated plant, because it knows everything.
All poisonings begin with the words: "There will be nothing in the refrigerator for this."
Everyone has a hobby. Someone collects stamps, someone models ships. My husband has been collecting wardrobes from Ikea for three years now.
We just ran and jumped in childhood on construction sites, and now - parkour.

You can easily find and come up with many witty, positive sayings for every day if you look at the world around you with humor. In every even the most serious problem, you can find a curious, funny. The main thing is not to lose heart, then it will become easier to worry.

We all get sad sometimes. The day did not work out, everything falls out of hand, or even a black streak has come. At such moments, encouraging phrases can lift the mood a little. And it happens that we ourselves see such people who need it. But it is not always possible to quickly find the right words. Well, it doesn't hurt to memorize a few phrases. Someday this might come in handy.

For motivation

Encouraging phrases often help perk up. A person needs motivation to do business. If your hands are down, you don’t want to touch the work, and the only desire is to lie on the bed in front of the TV and wrap yourself in a blanket, it's time to remember the thoughtful phrases of famous people.

Nick Vujicic, who is an Australian writer, said: “When faced with difficulties, you cannot give up and run away. You need to assess the situation, start looking for a solution and not lose faith that everything that happens is for the best. Patience is the key to victory."

The American philosopher is known for a shorter but no less truthful phrase. He argued that there should be no boundaries for people.

And the 25th President of the United States, assured that it is worth a person to believe that he can do anything, and half the way has already been passed.

For decisiveness

Encouraging phrases often help to get down to business. William Clement Stone, businessman and author of self-help books, said that a clear goal is the first step to any achievement. Christopher Columbus, who discovered America, liked to assure that a person would never swim across the ocean if he was afraid to lose sight of the shore.

Farrah Gray, a well-known businessman, investor and journalist, said that you should not be afraid to pursue your dreams. Otherwise, there is a great risk of being hired to fulfill other people's desires. And William James, an American philosopher and psychologist of the 19th century, was sure that a power is hidden in the human subconscious that can turn the whole world upside down. Encouraging phrases like this encourage thoughtful thought and action, it's worth recognizing.

To set the mood

Words can really mean a lot. And it is quite possible to cheer up with a phrase on a working day, even if he didn’t ask in the morning. Norma Jean Monterson (better known as Marilyn Monroe) once said these words: “Smile. After all, life is the most beautiful thing in the world. And there are plenty of reasons to smile." After such words, you involuntarily think and understand that the actress was right.

But sometimes the sayings of celebrities sound like a lesson. In this case, humorous phrases will come to the rescue. To cheer up a person, there is nothing better. You can say: “If it can’t get any worse, then it’s time to start enjoying the prospect!” From such an expression, a person at least smiles. You can also say that a positive plus is always found, even in the most negative minus. And this, by the way, is a fact.

It is important to know

Sometimes our loved ones have problems in life. The mood rushes into the abyss, and it becomes painful to look at a loved one. And it is difficult to find the right expression that could demonstrate one's attitude and feelings to the situation. Especially often, girls are interested in how to cheer up a man with words. Phrases cannot be universal, it all depends on a particular situation. But in any case, declarations of love will lift the mood at least a little. They are not redundant.

When a person feels bad, the best thing that a loved one can do is to demonstrate their feelings and thereby show care.

funny expressions

Continuing the theme of humor, other positive phrases can be noted with attention. In some situations, you can cheer up a loved one with this expression: “The hardest thing in this life is the blue whale. And the rest is nonsense! Another person will definitely smile after such a phrase: “When your things are going badly, it’s better not to go with them.”

Does the conscience gnaw at a person for a stormy rest and doing nothing? It happens. Then this instructive, but cheerful phrase is given to him: "Time spent with pleasure is not considered lost."

These words can also be attributed to the category of smart, but positive expressions: “The best teacher in life is experience. True, he takes a little expensive, but he explains intelligibly. With what you can not argue.

Motivation in a foreign language

Finally, it is worth noting the encouraging phrases in English. They are more concise than ours. Perhaps everyone knows the phrase “Why not?” And it translates like this: “Why not?” But really! Why not? Many people who make this or that decision can be prompted to act by this very phrase. Because in the context it is translated as follows: “What are you actually losing?” And after this phrase, you can send: “It's worth a shot!” Which translates to: "It's worth it!"

And Americans often say the following phrase: “What are you waiting for?” Translated, it means: "What are you waiting for?" And the phrase “What do you have to lose?”, By the way, is translated as follows: “What are you losing?” It should be noted that many foreign expressions aimed at motivating the interlocutor are constructed precisely in the interrogative form. Why? Because a sad / doubting person, having received a question from his interlocutor, subconsciously begins to think and find the right solution to a particular situation. And he understands that the opponent is right.

But there are more artistic expressions as well. For example, such: “Never give up!” (never give up), "It's totally up to you!" (it's up to you), "Follow your dreams" (follow your dreams), etc. Finding the right words for a drooping buddy can be really difficult, but expanding your vocabulary can make it easier.

As one humorist put it, you need to be able to laugh at yourself, and why not smile at the funny statements of other people. Laughter is important for human health and morale. It prolongs life, contributes to a positive perception of events, shows that you definitely shouldn’t lose heart in any situation. Let's dive into a whole list of funny sayings that can come in handy for vocabulary building.

Sometimes one short sentence can cheer you up for the whole day. The most ridiculous phrases a person often utters without thinking. That's why they turn out to be unusually funny.

Here are ten phrases that can make you smile and make you think.

The son of an avid poker player cannot understand whether his father loves him or not.
A small group of smart climbers circled Mount Everest. - No wonder they say that the smart one does not go uphill.
Recently, the wife said: “We are not so close that I weigh myself in front of you!”.
Wisdom does not always come with age, sometimes old age comes alone.

When a compliment does not please: “Honey, there is not a single woman better than you! Yesterday I was convinced of this again!
The modern world: There is no story more tragic in the world than the one about the lost Internet.
A little about education: a diploma allows you to make mistakes much more confidently.
An optimist is sure that he lives in the best of all worlds. The pessimist is afraid that this is true. What does a realist do?

Born yourself - help another. – A very effective motto of China.
Don't be afraid to do what you don't know how to do. The main thing to remember is that the ark was built by an amateur, while professionals built the Titanic.

Funny phrases from movies

A great way to cheer up is to watch a good movie. Let's remember funny moments from Soviet and other films.

Here I am walking beautifully along the street, and the men around me keep falling and falling ... And they themselves are stacked in piles! (The film "Girls").

Champagne in the morning drink or aristocrats or degenerates! ("The Diamond Arm").
If a woman asks for something, it must be given to her. Otherwise, she will take it herself. ("The Man from the Boulevard des Capucines").

Make a mysterious face, fool! ("Dog's heart").
Well, citizens are alcoholics, hooligans, parasites... Who wants to work today? ("Operation Y and other adventures of Shurik").

I don't have time to care. You are attractive, I am damn attractive. What's the point of wasting time? I'm waiting at midnight. ("Ordinary Miracle").
- How did you end up in the Spanish monastery?
- I mistook it for a brothel. Easy to confuse. ("Pirates of the Caribbean").

You dream of playing as a striker, but they use you like a ball. ("Taxi")
- If I were your wife, I would also leave. - If you were my wife, I would hang myself! ("Ivan Vasilievich changes his profession").

- Who writes? - Anonymous. - God gave me a name. ("Queen of the gas station").

Funny phrases to cheer you up

The main thing is to keep a positive attitude. Here are a few phrases that will come in handy at a time when the mood does not want to rise at all, people only upset, things fall, and the salary does not grow.

A bit of philosophy: Attitude towards others strongly depends on why they surrounded you.
We describe our condition correctly: Such a mood today is good, which cannot be said in a fairy tale or formulate obscenities.
Who said that laziness cannot be combined with a rebellious spirit: I lie on the couch all day and nothing will stop me, because I have no brakes!

Always go towards your dream. Tired of walking? Then crawl. No strength to crawl? Feel free to lie down and lie in the direction of the dream.
Why do you think I'm vindictive? I have a very bad memory, I have to write everything down.
It is believed that the color orange can improve mood. Tip: Scatter 5,000 dollar bills all over your house. Great mood guaranteed!
Came to work in no mood. Ruined it to everyone. I sit and smile.

When even a vacation in the garden is perceived with humor: And where I just didn’t go. I didn’t go to the Maldives, I didn’t go to Cyprus, I didn’t even go to Greece. I think where not to go this year.
Everyone has a hobby. Someone collects stamps, someone models ships. My husband has been collecting wardrobes from Ikea for three years now.
Even if I fall on my face in the mud, it will be curative.

Funny phrases for conversation

Let's replenish the vocabulary with funny expressions.

I wanted to leave, but then they poured again.“There is always a reason to stay.
We don’t need someone else’s, but we will definitely take our own, no matter who it is.- How to put the interlocutor into a stupor.
I would look at you for a century - through an optical sight. But sincerely and sincerely.
I don't know how it should be, but you're doing it wrong. - A very important phrase.
Being bitten by mosquitoes, he fell into the sin of foul language.- Clever explanation.
I'm not a brake - I just think smoothly.- good excuse
Why do I need a waist? I am married now.- Really.
Tell me, will you help or not interfere?
If your conscience torments you at night, try sleeping during the day.

Tackling girls funny phrases

Girl help me. I bought pasta, but I have no idea what to do with it (if I answered with advice, then it is added: “Can I always consult with you?”).
Girl, how much is your smile worth? I would love to buy one!
Do you want me to give you a ride on the escalator?
You obviously don't like men. To be honest, me too.

What do you think, what should a handsome man say to a lovely girl when meeting on the street, so as not to be refused?
I have amnesia - have I approached you yet?
Can you tell me what time it is now? My clock suddenly went backwards.
I collect signatures of the cutest girls. Could you put yours in?
He pretends to pick up a bill from the floor. "Girl, is this yours? Not yours? It turns out I found it! Can we drink it together?"
The man walks past the girl, then turns sharply and asks: “Didn’t you just pinch me? .. No? .. What a pity ...”

Funny catchphrases

Phrases spoken exactly to the point can help to get together, cheer up even in the most exciting moment. Some words describe what is happening so vividly that you want to include them in your vocabulary and delight people with the sharpness of your own expressions.

Phrases of the resilient actress Faina Ranevskaya:

"If the patient wants to live, then medicine is powerless"
"Loneliness is when there is a telephone in the house, and the alarm clock rings"
"Sclerosis cannot be cured, but it can be forgotten."

What are the performances of V.S. Chernomyrdin, who created new themes for parodists:

"We will live badly, but not for long."

Chaplin on women:

"A woman can make any man a billionaire a millionaire."

Mikhail Zadornov about life:

“The worst thing is life. Everyone dies from it."
“They lived happily ever after until they met each other!”

Mark Twain on important matters:

"Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."

From the movie "Moscow does not believe in tears"

"Sometimes you hear such nonsense, but it turns out - a point of view"
"Don't teach me, better help financially."

Funny phrases of children

Children are spontaneous, open to everything new, they have a vivid imagination, which sometimes surprises adults. A small child and older children easily find a non-standard answer in any situation, and their philosophical thoughts make you not only smile, but also think.

How to ask for what you really want:

- Ma-a-am, I'm thirsty. Only not milk ... and not tea ... Compote. Or juice. Better than chocolate!

Children's friendship:

I ask my five-year-old son:
- Dima, do you have a friend Vova?
- Yes.
- Doesn't he offend anyone in the kindergarten?
- Mom, we offend together. We're best friends!

- Mom, can I go for a walk?
- With this hole in pantyhose?
- No, with Svetka from the third floor.

Cunning:

- Mom, let's get a brother or sister. Dad won't even notice, he's always at work anyway.

Children need to be surprised:

The daughter "stuck" in the store to the rattles.
Mother says:
Let's go to another department. Maybe there is something more interesting.
Daughter replies:
- Okay, surprise me.

From the USE essay in social science:

If it is not possible to live in society, it remains only to live with a girl.

When a child asks smart questions:

“Mom, why did you teach me to talk and walk, and now you make me sit silently?”

Excerpts from essays on the Russian language and literature:

"He lived with the horse for twenty years..."
“At first, the geese swam smoothly, and then they began to make movements under the lambada. This is the last dance."
“Marriages today are like the union of a tick and a dog. But the situation is worsened by the fact that usually there are two ticks in a marriage and not a single dog.”

Funny short birthday phrases

Birthdays are often celebrated with toasts. Long toasts are not always perceived by ear, especially if they are too serious. Therefore, you can please your guests with funny short toast-wishes.

Let's drink to your coffin, dear friend. A coffin that will be made from a century old oak that has not yet been planted.
In ancient times, well, or not very old. maybe it was a long time ago. Okay... Lived... or maybe lived... Doesn't matter! Let's drink to the birthday boy!
A bit of arithmetic: a cottage is “0”, a car and a garage are “0”, an apartment is “0”, money is “0”, health is “1”. Let's drink to the fact that the life of our birthday boy consists of one unit and then - many, many zeros.
Nature in each of the people ascends either as cereals or as weeds. This toast is for watering the first and tearing out the second. Let's drink, friends, for the birthday boy who managed to grow a beautiful garden in himself!
D let's drink to the hadron collider, and to the fact that in an hour no one can say this word.
There is no need to run after a woman, like after a departed bus. Remember that the next bus is coming behind you.
Let's drink to the fact that the buses run as often as possible!
A losing streak often turns out to be a takeoff.
To our joyful prospects on this airstrip!
Let's drink to you having everything and nothing to you for it!
Dear friend, I wish you always had a light heart and heavy pockets!

Funny wishes phrases

I wish your whole life was dirty and dark...
Let the money be like dirt, and from happiness it gets dark in the eyes.
Buddy,
Remember, we will always come to your rescue...
And the more revenue, the better!

I wish you to have everything in this life: both the expected amenities and pleasant surprises!

Today is your birthday
So, you need to "break away" enough!
After all, you will have a whole year,
To have time to cool down a little!

You say hello to me.
And I say "hello" to you.
It's great that both of us are "hello"!

Congratulations my "old stick"! I wish you incredible fun, love without borders and health like a horse!

I want to wish you a very modest life. To a car without a roof, only old wine, and moldy cheese.

Congratulations! Live without enemies and without horns, have success and dreams without interference.

Friend, on your holiday, I feel like a Bedouin in the desert who has not seen water ... So I want to drink!

Let's drink for the birthday girl, in whose honor such wonderful, cheerful, worthy and modest people like us gathered!

Funny cartoon phrases

And now for funny phrases from your favorite cartoon characters.

“Where it is flabby, there it is gentle!” (Kung Fu Panda)

Good advice: "Never say:" I made a mistake, "it's better to say" Wow, how interesting it turned out! (Glacial period)

“So where is the damn thing?”
- Inside. Waiting for us to rescue her.
- No, I'm talking about the dragon (Shrek)

- As they say - leave your ass in the past!
No, leave the past behind you! (Timon and Pumbaa)

“When depressurizing the cabin, put on an oxygen mask so that other passengers do not see the horror on your face ...” (Madagascar)

“You made me dress as a modest rabbit, and you chose a bright and beautiful costume for yourself. This is not comradely "(Kopatych from the cartoon" Smeshariki ")

“Well, who leaves a child alone at the rink? what if I break and fall” (Masha and the Bear).

- Mr. Krabs, but I had a dream!
- So what? And I had kidney stones. Time heals everything, my boy (SpongeBob).

“Who here, for example, is the last king? Nobody? So I'll be the first!" (Last year's snow was falling)

“The right company is one where I will be treated to something and listen to my Grumble with pleasure.” (Winnie the Pooh)

Odessa funny phrases

Learning how to sparkle when communicating and always find a witty answer to any question is a great art. Odessa humor is distinguished by its originality and the fact that it is born just in the course of conversations. That is why it is so vibrant and diverse. Consider the humor in the dialogues of Odessa residents, who can incredibly quickly find original answers to any questions.

Self-irony:
- Faina, describe your appearance.
- You can get used to ...

- Syoma, do you love your wife?
- Certainly! Why is she worse than others?
Main perseverance:
- Syoma, do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk again?
Reminder in the toilet in one Jewish family: "Don't just sit there, think something."
Marriage:
- Do you agree to marry Faina?
- Do you have better options?
“God saves the safe,” the bride thought when he ran out of pasta in his pen during the registration of the marriage.
Grandma really liked Skype.
- No, you still see what a useful thing! there would be guests, but you don’t need to feed them.

- Darling, you and I have only been married for the first day, and we already sang to quarrel ...
I have been waiting for this day for two years!
- Benya, I still promise you that in six years we will live better than in this Europe!
- What happens to them?

A bit of Odessa hospitality:
- Oh, dear, come again! It's so good without you!

Funny phrases in pictures

Funny phrases for a guy

To please your beloved one, you can send him a funny message. Let's see what the girls write to their husbands and suitors.

Dear, I don't know how to tell you this... Anyway, I took the test today... and we are the perfect couple!
I want you and me to have more in common. Let's get a kitten!
Yesterday I accidentally caught the bride's bouquet. Is there something you want to tell me?
Dear, I'm late because I've been looking for my broom for a long time.
Don't be afraid of your desires, be afraid of mine!
You are an insidious lovebird, why did you break a couple? I can't find a second sock.
Please help me find information! Look online for ways to tell your loved one I scratched my car and still get a new phone for their birthday.
I parked the horse, defeated the monster and cooked it for dinner. I sit and wait for you, my prince!
Darling! The girls and I decided to have a drink here. I will definitely call. Don't pick up.
Dear, I'm extremely happy for you! After all, you are so happily married.

Funny phrases with meaning

Phrases that not only sound funny, but also carry a certain meaning and life truth.

Attention! On a slippery porch, the number of cultured people is halved!
The genius within me is fast asleep. But a fool never sleeps!
In order not to accidentally call his wife the name of his mistress Anastasia, the husband took the cat and named Nastya.
Wife: Let's buy a car, I'll learn to drive, at least we'll see the world! Husband: Which light is this or that?
The sappers do not understand the phrase: you need to learn from your mistakes.
Wife to husband: I'm not going to accept you the way you are. I'm not in the military!
Why do I look great in the mirror, but the camera shows the opposite?
Money is not the main thing. The main thing is their number.
How to please a girl: you need to be strong, beautiful, rich or just a cat.
About the alcoholic feast: at first it was good, then even better, then it was so good that it is still bad!

Funny phrases with names

Funny phrases for girls

With these phrases, you can not only make a girl smile, but also pin up. They should be used with caution.

Girl, you have very beautiful legs! One is better than the other.
I want to invite you to dinner and breakfast at the same time.
You are so beautiful it's scary to look at!
Girl, do you believe in love with the first person you meet? I'm ready to be him.
Will you help me go to the left? (A dangerous phrase when meeting).
In the bus:
I can’t reach the handrail, I’ll hold on to you.
In the elevator:
Girl, aren't you afraid of being stuck in an elevator with a maniac like me?
You have a very predatory look, you must be hungry.
You are so beautiful that you don't need makeup. Leave a little though.
You believe in love at first sight. No? Perhaps I will visit again.

Funny phrases to tears

Relevant for online correspondence:
Write a little louder, I can't hear you here.
Great people lived so little! Here's something I don't feel good about today.
For the sake of money, I'm ready for anything. Even go to work.
My wife is very good. Others are even worse.
So much has been written about the dangers of smoking that I firmly decided not to read any more.
Optimism is just a lack of information.
I tried to drown the problems in cognac, but they surfaced.
The girl decided to take revenge on the guy, and married him.
A first grade student came to the New Year tree in a squirrel costume, which greatly frightened the guard Mikhail.
The fairy tale about the sleeping beauty shows once again that there is always a person who will wake you up.

Funny phrases to rhyme

Funny phrases about work

Even work should be taken with humor. Here are a few phrases that can cheer up colleagues in the middle of the work week.

I almost live at work. And wages are only going down. Probably deducted for accommodation.

I love working in a team. It's easy to put the blame on others.

Funny phrases about women

Finally, funny and wise expressions about the beautiful half of humanity.

If the girl suddenly fell silent, then she wants to say something.
You can not trust the woman who does not hide her weight. She doesn't hesitate to say anything.
The smarter a woman is, the more stupid things she does.
A man chases a woman for so long until she catches him herself.
You can kill a woman with impunity only with a compliment.
If men knew what women think, they would behave more confidently.
Real men always get what women want from them.
Women forgive their men, even if they are not guilty of anything.
Women still know how to keep secrets. However, they do it together.
A girl can tell her friend for several hours that she has no words.