How to leave your husband if you love. How to leave your husband and financial problems

Tying herself with the bonds of Hymen to a charming man, every woman assumes that this step is a guarantee of a cloudless existence until the end of her days. All married people firmly believe that they will always be happy together. Some time passes, and one of the spouses, or both, realize that their marriage is bursting at the seams. They realize that their family has not passed the test of everyday life. And the hand reaches out to score in a search engine: “I want to leave my husband” and “how to decide on a divorce.”
We will not analyze in detail why love fades and a desire to disperse arises. In some cases, a divorce is needed for those who do not know how to compromise, are not ready to accept the features of the second half and are not able to put up with his habits. Others file for divorce because it is easier for them to leave than to work on building a full-fledged relationship. For the third, the reasons for divorce are the fear of responsibility for the future of the family. However, in any case, divorce is an extreme measure, which is decided when all other arguments have been exhausted.

It is worth noting that some women who suffer martyrdom in marriage cannot decide on a divorce for a long time. For them, this choice is similar to a trip to Golgotha. Other persons, on the contrary, are ready to leave their husband because of the slightest mistake or, in general, for no apparent reason. And they run with an application for divorce, driven by a hurricane.
However, in order not to make a fatal mistake, all of us need to make sure that divorce is the only right decision. Even having reached the maximum boiling point, we must cool our ardor and eliminate seething irritation and anger. Remember that rage and dissatisfaction are not the best advisers when we make a fateful decision about a divorce that affects our future life.

What could be the grounds for divorce: adequate reasons to leave her husband

The main condition, so that after a divorce we do not bite our elbows from an annoying oversight, is to be sure that parting with a spouse is not a momentary lust that arose like a demonic obsession. Make sure that the reasons for divorce are real and serious enough. Also, we should avoid the unfortunate mistake of some ladies who simply blackmail their spouse by threatening to dissolve the marriage. Almost all men do not perceive such a stupid divorce statement as a joke, but act ahead of events, resorting to the registry office first. And young ladies with black humor go into the category of divorcees.
Most sane women decide to end their marriage for adequate reasons, among which the following arguments are most often.

Argument 1. Alcoholism, drug addiction or gambling addiction of a partner These arguments for divorce need no comment at all. Indeed, it is impossible to live together with a person who is gradually degrading to the social bottom. Persons suffering from addictions not only do not fulfill their marital obligations, but also methodically destroy the partner's personality: both morally and physically. In addition, a chronic alcoholic or drug addict is hard to imagine in the form of a caring dad, and is hardly suitable for the role of a parent with cool genetics.

Argument 2. Physical abuse
In this case, the verdict of psychologists is unequivocal: the faster a woman who suffers assault from her husband decides to divorce, the more chances she has to save her health, and often life. Even if, after each episode of beatings, the husband crawls on his knees and swears that this will not happen again, you cannot trust the aggressor. A man who at least once raised his hand to a weak lady is not worthy of respect and forgiveness. There can be no excuse for such tyrants: this is the alarm clock for divorce.

Argument 3. Moral bullying
An equally good reason for divorce is moral terror in the form of endless insults, rudeness, and humiliation. Some spouses demonstratively finish off their wife by completely ignoring her presence. The result of a woman's being under the threat of experiencing again the moral bullying of her husband is neurotic disorders, depression, the emergence of thoughts of suicide. It is especially scary when children observe such a picture: this is fraught with the development of complex and dangerous mental anomalies in them.

Argument 4. Regular adultery
A single betrayal of a spouse is a knife in the back, but some women sincerely forgive their "lost sheep", and such events do not happen again. However, there are families where walking on the side of a man becomes not an exception, but the rule. Sometimes it comes to the point that the husband begins to twist shura-mura with his mistress right in front of his legal companion. At the same time, not paying her, as a woman, not a drop of attention. Hoping that the prodigal cat will walk up and return to the family bed is stupid and dangerous. A woman wastes moral strength and kills her best years on unworthy red tape.

Argument 5. Acquired "disability" of a man
There is such a category of men (fortunately, not numerous), from whom you need to run away as quickly as possible. These are lazy people and dependents who do not want and do not plan to work at all, but sit on the necks of their wives. They consider it normal when their spouses plow at three jobs, just to feed and drink their household members. They spend their wife's money with peace of mind and do not consider it necessary to make even the slightest effort to provide for their offspring. Helping and caring for a disabled person is an honorable and noble cause, but maintaining a healthy male is a frank humiliation of female dignity. Therefore, thinking about whether to file for divorce or not is not even worth it in such a situation.

Argument 6. Real lack of feelings
Another healthy excuse for choosing a divorce is when the partners have really fallen out of love with each other and are weary of their marriage. When their feelings have long cooled, and by inertia they continue to exist in parallel worlds, but under the same roof. When their ended relationship puts an end to spiritual comfort and human happiness. That is, their marriage is not a unity of loving hearts, but a stupid habit based on prejudice: everyone lives like that. Dear ladies, believe me: not everyone lives like this! With such a worldview, people eke out a bitter existence. Only beloved and loving people are able to live, even if not with an ardent youthful passion, but with a proven and reliable feeling.

Argument 7. The partner is pretty “small”
The real reason to wonder if it's time to file for divorce is the emergence of a significant distance between the once relatively equal partners. When one of the spouses significantly pulled ahead in the development of his personality, and the other slowed down in teenage experiences. When one partner tirelessly learns, improves, masters something new and is mentally ready to conquer heights, and the other crawls comfortably at the foot of Olympus.

Such an abyss in different stages of personal development (I emphasize: personal level, not material status) is a common cause of scandals in the family. And if the lagging partner is not ready to run by leaps and bounds for a person who wants to conquer the mountains, then it is better, in order not to spoil each other's nerves, to leave forever and file for divorce. Or be separated for a while in order to clearly understand what outweighs on the scales: the difference in levels of development or a burning love passion. How to understand that a partner is too small, you can read here.

How to decide on a divorce: the right preparation before making a decision

Of course, no matter how good the reasons for divorce may be, the initiator of the separation is under serious stress. Be sure to try to minimize negative experiences and find balance before taking a decisive step. How to decide on a divorce from your husband without tormenting yourself with unnecessary questions and without falling into depression? We perform the following steps.

We study the existing motives for parting. We take a sheet of paper and analyze what specifically does not suit our spouse. In the left column we enter unpleasant episodes that can still be eliminated and changed. In the right column we write down those facts that it is impossible to reconcile with. We calmly weigh the real situation and make the final decision: to be divorced or not.

If it is not possible to establish on your own what of the existing ones is petty grievances and the result of an outburst of emotions, and what, in fact, is a terrifying fact, the best way out is to contact a family psychologist. An experienced specialist will help get rid of illusions and delusions, eliminate internal tension and barriers to the right choice.

In many cases, a frank conversation with a partner can prevent the dissolution of a marriage. Often we simply do not know how to competently conduct a conversation, inform our spouse about the moments that upset us without claims and accusations. However, for a full-fledged dialogue, a sincere desire of both participants is required, and it is completely impossible to talk with some of the types described above.

If a divorce from your husband is inevitable, it is advisable to get advice from a competent lawyer. With the dissolution of a marriage, unpleasant legal nuances may appear that can knock the ground out from under your feet. Therefore, it is better to study possible divorce "surprises" in advance.

Of great importance for a woman at the time of breaking off relations with her husband is the moral support of loved ones. Relatives need to be informed about their fateful plans so that such a fact, announced upon completion, does not lead the former mother-in-law to a heart attack.

To make the separation from her husband less painful, the divorcing person must have certain plans for the future. She should imagine what she will do in the future, what she will be able to fill in the “hole” that has arisen in life. A woman should not have a fear of the future, otherwise she will reproach herself for the choice to get a divorce for the rest of her life.

The main task before a divorce is to have an optimistic mindset, setting yourself up for the positive. A lady who decides to divorce her husband must understand that life does not end after a change in her marital status. And, on the contrary, a new stage begins - a time of pleasant discoveries and positive transformations.

Every woman at least once in her life together had the thought of divorce. Most often, spontaneous thoughts appear after quarrels, and just as quickly pass with reconciliation. What to do if the thought of divorce haunts you, how to make the right decision? Let's talk about this topic in this article.

Good reasons

Divorce is a serious and responsible step that requires informed decisions. When parting with a legitimate soul mate is not a whim, but a necessary measure, and how to part with your beloved man? Reasons to make up your mind despite love:

Alcoholism, drug addiction. Quite often, addictions emerge after the wedding, and then the question arises - fight or divorce.
Treason. There is a type of polygamous men, it is extremely difficult and unpleasant to live with such people.
Physical violence. Some husbands believe that they received a slave in the form of a wife and you can treat her as you like, including beating.
There is no material support. It happens that the head of the family cannot or does not want to provide for the family, how to live in such a case?
Lack of love. It is believed that for a happy family life, the love of one person and the mutual respect of both will be enough. But if there is no love and respect, then in such a situation there is nothing to save.
Psychological abuse. Some people experience pleasure in humiliating another, they assert themselves in this way. It is better to stop such situations in the bud, otherwise there is a high probability of becoming a weak, weak-willed creature.
Bad attitude towards children, bullying.

How not to make a mistake

After the wedding, life changes - joint chores, worries, the birth of children. Everyday life is boring and it seems that everything is different in other families, happy and cheerful people live there, which cannot be said about you. In fact, every family has its own skeletons in the closet, and only from the outside it seems that everything is beautiful, and therefore listen to your friends less. This is your life! Make independent and informed decisions. Common Mistakes:

I'll be better off without him;
the other will give me more;
The kids don't care if we're together or not.

Of course, there is a chance that you will meet a rich prince in the near future, but it is not great. First, sit down and analyze what exactly you do not like. You can make a list of the pros and cons of living together and living apart.

Try to go somewhere without him to relax, at a distance it’s easier to think about everything. If you notice an improvement in mood, a feeling of happiness and do not want to return home at all, then you need to get a divorce.

In the case when all thoughts are devoted only to the husband and pleasant memories of living together constantly pop up in my head, then the marriage is not yet lost.

How to decide on a divorce

How to leave your husband, a step-by-step instruction from us. The very first thing to do is think carefully. Do not run headlong from your familiar place. The only option when you need to leave without hesitation is physical, psychological abuse against you or your children. And in other cases, think about ways to retreat.

Solve the housing problem. This should be a place where you can stay with things and children at least for a while. Some people think: "I want to leave my husband, but there is nowhere." In fact, there are always options - the main thing is to start acting!
Save some money for unexpected expenses. At first, there may not be work or you will have to pay for housing, kindergarten, food, etc. on your own.
Consult with a lawyer about the division of property, find out about the possible negative consequences for you if you have a joint business.
Stop being afraid, step out of your comfort zone. The world is more beautiful than it seems, and there are a lot of opportunities in it, you just have to want it.
Talk to your husband's relatives. It's best that they hear your version of the divorce first so there is a chance to stay on good terms with them.

What if you still love him

Another common situation is that it is impossible to live with a husband, but feelings remain. How to break up with the husband you love? Think about whether the feelings you are experiencing are love, or is it attachment, a sense of duty, sympathy. Quite often, people confuse the emotions they experience, and this is not surprising, since when you are close to a person for a long time, you even begin to think the same way with him. Practical advice on how to leave the man you love:

Always think of yourself what is best for you. Love will be forgotten, cool down. And at this stage, put in the foreground not feelings, but rationalism.
Relax, look around. Quite often, pseudo-love arises from a lack of communication with other members of the stronger sex. Go to an exhibition, to a concert, visit a theatrical performance - there are millions of men, and somewhere in the crowd it is your man who walks.
Visit a psychologist. A qualified specialist will help put everything in its place and make the right decision.
Talk to your husband, tell everything as it is about feelings and that it is very difficult to live with him. Perhaps such a conversation will become a point of no return, or, on the contrary, the husband will think and begin to improve, afraid of losing his beloved.
Take up a hobby. If you don’t have one, then think of it (knitting, embroidery, helping homeless animals or visiting an orphanage).
Plunge headlong into work. This method will not only allow you to forget your loved one, but will help improve your financial situation.

How to leave

Leave beautifully. Next, we will talk about how to properly leave your husband. For starters, save fight scenes for TV shows - you have to keep your mind cool. If the decision to divorce is irrevocable, then leave aside pity and insecurity. Proceed as follows:

Talk to your husband, resolve all issues regarding acquired property, communication and child care. Try to say everything to the smallest detail, you can even write them down in a notebook.
Before you tell your husband “we are breaking up”, choose the right situation. Do not raise your voice and do not succumb to provocations. When a husband is furious or upset, he may try to get you into a row, and you do not need this at all. It is important to try to immediately solve all organizational issues. If you can’t talk normally, then leave the discussion for later and leave. Time will pass, he will calm down and will be able to calmly discuss everything with you.
Try to stay with your friends. All the same, for some time you lived under the same roof and were not at all strangers to each other. In addition, there is a type of people who, after a quarrel, begin to throw mud at another, weave intrigues. You must protect yourself as much as possible and protect yourself from this.

What to say to children

Understand that the feeling of fear and helplessness should no longer be with you. You are a strong and independent woman. Don't be afraid to be alone with small children. If destined, then you and your children will find a life partner.

And when a father is a tyrant or an alcoholic in the house, then this is no reason to stay with him because of the children. In such a situation, children suffer doubly. On the one hand, there is an inadequate dad, who can be rude, offend, even hit in a fit, and on the other, an unhappy mom, who is constantly sad because of worries that there is no money and mood for communication. So think about the children and move out of your husband.

When children are small, they don’t have to explain much - just say that you need to live separately from dad for a while. You will be able to explain everything in the course of growing up.

If the children are already at a conscious age, then most likely they themselves are well aware that without such a father they will live better and calmer.

Do not delay, and along with the divorce papers, file for alimony, as you have every right to receive financial support from your husband. If you are on maternity leave, you can apply not only for the child, but also for your maintenance. Do not listen to any persuasion of your husband or relatives that it is not worth it, they say, he will help you anyway. As practice shows, only a few voluntarily continue to pay alimony. Others begin to reduce the amount, pay irregularly, or stop helping financially at all.

How not to worry

Everything that is done is done and you need to believe that this is for the best. It is not necessary to fill your head with the past every day, remember the experience. Just sit down and decide for yourself that the past is the past. It can no longer be changed, corrected or returned. Do not scold yourself for the mistakes you have made, leave this stupid activity and do not continue to do similar things.

Take a deep breath, look around - you have not been as free as you are now. You do not need to rush home and meet an unloved and aggressive husband. You now depend only on yourself and your children. You have someone to devote your thoughts and time to!

Life after divorce

Do not regret the years you have lived with your husband, you have learned something during this time, you have become better and wiser. Just let it go and the past life. Take care of the arrangement of your home, it should be comfortable and you should return to it with a sense of joy.

Do not rush to start a new serious relationship, change your social circle, sign up for a gym, take care of your appearance, dye your hair or change your image.

Actions like these are great motivators. If you stayed to live in your shared apartment, then try to get rid of things that remind you of the past. Especially if these memories are unpleasant.

Eliminate any gossip and discussions with friends and relatives about your ex-husband. Do not ask about him - from now on his life no longer concerns you, wish happiness and forget. You must go towards the new and beautiful, and not drag the anchor of the old married life behind you.

This problem is relevant for our country. Many women suffer in marriage precisely because their husbands are tyrants. It would seem that this is a very loud accusation, but no, those who fell under such a “yoke” can hardly get out and breathe in the air of freedom. The worst thing is that women often endure to the last, when they no longer have the strength, they still hope and believe that everything will change soon. But this “soon” does not come, but will it come at all?

Awareness

At a certain moment, the cup of patience overflows and the woman realizes that it is unbearable to live like this and the emotional state is much more important than the illusory hope for better times. But a tyrant husband can not only not respect her, but even beat and humiliate her. And it is sad that women are getting used to the idea that there will be no other fate. They tolerate all the tricks of the spouse, even pity and justify him. However, what can we say? Slavic women have always been compassionate. When it reaches the boiling point, the ladies understand: “It's time to leave! It's time to just run like crazy." But what about the children? In part, women feel sorry for themselves and their children: not everyone is ready to deprive themselves of a breadwinner, and the children of their father. But every day these thoughts melt under the pressure of bullying and suffering. How to leave your husband? Hard question. Among other things, women are stopped by the thought that they have nowhere to go. For example, you will have to rent an apartment on your own or go to your relatives. And not always there is an opportunity and means for this.

What to do?

How to get away from a man who delivers a lot of pain? When you are already tired of eternal scandals, tears in your pillow, tantrums and an unbearable life, and cruel antics haunt you, you need to decide and put an end to it. Especially if the spouses are not connected by anything, for example, the couple has not yet managed to become parents. You need to gain strength and decisively change your life, otherwise you can waste years in vain. Even if there are children, it is still better to protect them from parental quarrels and scandals. And the sooner this is done, the better.

Doubts and how to overcome them?

Before you decide on such a radical step, you need to reconsider your attitude to life. You need to love yourself, because a woman, living with a tyrant husband under the same roof, gradually dissolves as a person. And this should not be allowed: “self-destruction” affects health, appearance and the general tone of life.

How to leave a tyrant's husband painlessly?

The woman has already realized that the boiling point has come and there is no more strength to endure. It's at times like these that confidence comes into play. But it’s better to “not cut in the heat of the moment”, since all serious steps are recommended to be taken with a “cold head”, and not in a fit of passion or bitterness. When a woman has cooled down, it is important to realize that determination has not disappeared. But how to leave a husband if there is a child? You shouldn't ask questions. We need to act. This decision should be weighed and considered. Finding a new man is not a problem, but a father is hard. But is it worth putting your life in danger further? Help from friends and family

No need to be shy and hide all the pain in yourself. At times like these, the support of family and friends is essential. They will be able to support and will not let you lose heart before an important step. You should not withdraw into yourself, because the accumulated grievances and experiences can play a cruel joke. It is important to go through the crisis period as calmly as possible so that a decisive step towards your bright future is joyful, not sad.

It is important to speak out and then it will be much easier to do it when the stone falls from the soul. Psychologists also recommend writing farewell letters to your spouse, but not giving it to him. Why are the letters plural? It is necessary in one to describe all the hardships and experiences associated with living together. In it, you can express everything that gnaws at a woman and does not give rest. And in the second: to paint those positive moments that lie ahead. By comparing the two letters, it will be easier to make a decision. And then the question will no longer be relevant: “How to decide to leave your husband?”. Another will appear: “How to build a new life, taking into account mistakes?”

Since it is difficult to predict the reaction of a tyrannical husband when a woman is packing, it is better to think about another option, for example, to leave when he is at work. This will stun the spouse and save you from unnecessary scandals with stress and quarrels.

Alcohol and family. How to leave an alcoholic husband?

This is the plague of our age. Men often drink because they could not find a worthy application in life, for example, they failed to make a career and fulfill themselves. But one cannot constantly feel sorry for such a husband, who every day only drinks and blames anyone but himself for all the troubles. And, as you know, alcohol is not the best “friend”. And a lot of troubles happen just because of intoxication: men beat their wives, yell at children, rowdy and rowdy.

Learning to live without a tyrant husband

When a woman was able to overcome herself and left her tyrant husband, you can immediately notice changes in her appearance. Ladies become blooming and alive, because nothing depresses anymore. Often they find a hobby to their liking or dissolve into children who can now sleep peacefully and know that no one will cause more harm!

Keep it up and everything will work out!

Unfortunately, it often happens that having lived together for many years, you suddenly realize that you and your husband are completely strangers. For some reason, quarrels, resentment, misunderstanding of each other became more frequent, and there both reproaches and omissions appeared. You catch yourself thinking that you don’t know this person at all, that you have completely different views on life, there are practically no common topics for conversation, and if modest attempts to talk slip through, it all comes down to platitudes, such as: “How was your day? How is it at work? What's new?". Here is perhaps the most complete and accurate list of topics of conversation in recent times. The rest of the time, for some reason, you began to spend apart, some reading a book, some watching TV, to be more precise, you became more like neighbors than a family.

Such cases are not at all rare, in recent years they have become more and more. Many have come to terms with this, probably, they are quite satisfied with such an existence. No one bothers anyone, everyone has their own interests, the family hearth is more and more like a communal apartment, where everything seems to be together, but at the same time apart. But what about those who are annoyed by this state of affairs? Tolerate and put up with it further? Or take a chance and cross out everything once and for all?

If this happened to you, it’s not the first time you think that this can’t continue like this, that you need to change something, then it’s time to act. If you have a desire to fix everything, and there is hope that feelings can be renewed, returned, well, you can try, because if you don’t try, you will then reproach yourself for indecision. And if you tried and the result is zero or you have neither the strength nor the desire to try to glue something that does not stick in any way, you need to realize once and for all - it's time for you to leave. A completely logical question arises: “How to leave your husband?”.

Many women are very afraid of this step, because they will have to get used to a new and unusual state of affairs, learn to be responsible for themselves, not wait for support and protection behind their backs, but rely only on themselves. Well, it's really not easy, but it's not that hard, you'll get through it pretty quickly. You should not delay the divorce indefinitely, because nothing will change by itself, and time does not stand still, life does not tolerate downtime. You need to clearly understand that at this stage this is the best way out, by doing this you will change the course of your life in a new, better way.

But the most difficult thing is usually to decide to voice your decision to your husband. In this case, you can simply offer to talk calmly, without scandal, and without insulting each other. If the attempt is successful, during the conversation you will find out the reasons why you make such a decision. Do not forget that in such cases both parties are guilty, do not shift all the blame on the husband, but do not take everything upon yourself, this will not lead to anything good. It is likely that both of you realize the inevitability of what is happening, understand each other and part as friends, this happens, although it is extremely rare. If you still can’t pull your spouse out for a calm conversation, your half ignores all your arguments if they start to openly insult you, and even threaten you, well, there is a way out too. Pack your things, since living with such a person after voicing your decision to leave can be dangerous, and try to intersect with him as necessary only in the presence of friends or relatives, and even better a lawyer who will deal with the divorce process. In this case, you will protect yourself from insults and infringement of your rights, you will be able to calmly observe what is happening, and add confidence to yourself. Let a person competent in this regard take care of the matter, he will tell you how to leave your husband and make sure that everything goes the least painful for you.