What do you do when everyone hates you? What to do if you are hated: tips for different areas of life.

1. Use self-deprecating humor

Why joke positively when you can enjoy making fun of what you hate - yourself? Others need to feel it too, right?

Such self-sabotage seems to be useful to you, because it is ideal for relieving internal tension a little. But he does not relieve self-hatred, but only strengthens you in thoughts of his insignificance.

2. Extremely skeptical of themselves

You cannot determine for sure whether the compliments are sincere or whether this is sophisticated trolling. And this is definitely one of the reasons why you hate compliments.

3. Postpone dates or skip them altogether.

And not because you have no time. You just don't know if people are really interested in you or if they agree to meet you out of pity.

Those who really sympathize with you are doomed to never get to know you better.

It’s easier for you not to take risks and not immerse yourself in a new relationship, but to return to your usual and self-loathing life again.

4. Embellish your life on social media

You post retouched photos on Instagram and make sure to talk about all the "cool" things you do. And all this in order to feel significant, and not an unfortunate loner.

The truth is that your “miserable life” is most likely not as bad as you used to think.

I have always hated myself at any given moment. The sum of these moments is my life.
Cyril Connolly, English literary critic

5. You often feel rejected.

And you constantly worry about what others think about it. Often you imagine the worst: that you are being laughed at, mocked, or simply hated.

But you can't guess what others think of you, and you assume that everyone hates you because you don't love yourself.

6. Periodically starve yourself

There is nothing surprising here, because you hate the way you look. That is why you deprive yourself of normal tasty food in order to try again to lose a couple of extra (in your opinion) kilograms and not think that you have “terribly recovered”.

Food is something you can definitely control.

No matter how fragrant and attractive a piece of freshly baked bread is, you can always find the strength to say “no” to it. At least for a couple of hours. After that, you still eat it and start hating yourself again.

7. Punish yourself with a tedious workout after "gluttony"

By gluttony, you mean just another hamburger, french fries, or other tasty fast food that helps you.

Are you sure that if you finally die out on cardio or fall with a barbell after 100 sets, it will neutralize all the tasty muck eaten. And you will get better.

8. Trying to hate yourself in someone you love.

This is a vicious practice that is detrimental to any relationship. First of all, you need to learn to love yourself.

Living in hate is like death.
Lorenzo Valla, Italian humanist

9. Wondering how someone can love you

That this is possible in principle may seem pointless. Hence the constant doubt about the sincerity of the feelings of others.

You hate your reflection, you try to change your body, wanting to see another person in the mirror. You pull in your stomach, shrink your waist, making it thinner, and compare yourself to other people who definitely look better.

This endless battle is constantly going on in your head.

11. Convince yourself that you're not good enough.

You are always sure that others can definitely do something better, and your efforts will lead nowhere. Eventually you actually start believing those lies.

What to do if you find at least one of these signs in yourself?

Learn to believe in yourself. Use to help you do this.
Stop yourself with other people and underestimate your business.
Accept yourself for who you are. How? Read.

In some cases, when a person feels persistent dislike for you, he makes it clear, however, often, society forces him to hide his feelings. Hate is a complex emotion, and very often people will not specifically hate. you but rather your deeds. The following tips will help you identify when a person hates you and tell you how to act accordingly.

Steps

Read the signs

Notice the person's eyes. Many things that are considered too gross to be voiced are often conveyed through the eyes. In fact, some of our emotions are read by the size of the pupils, because this is something that people cannot control. If someone is uncomfortable talking to you, you can often tell by looking the person in the eye.

Pay attention to extremes in behavior. Any heightened emotion can be a signal that something is wrong with your relationship. However, do not judge these emotions based on what is considered normal for you or your friends. Perhaps this person just always behaves this way. Pay attention to the following signs:

Watch out for the differences. People behave differently depending on their attitude towards what they say or do. There are many subtle (and often unconscious) signals that help determine if a person doesn't want to discuss certain topics or is lying. The basic idea of a polygraph (lie detector) test is to look for tiny differences in how a person reacts when they tell the truth compared to when they lie. Even if you can't use equipment to track differences in someone's behavior, some simple clues can help you notice that a person hates you:

Don't confuse hate with other emotions. Sometimes it is difficult to tell the difference between feelings such as jealousy, shyness, fear and hatred. Here are some things to consider:

Is this person generally quiet and shy?
Are you in a position or in possession of something that this person would like to have that would make them jealous?
Are you sometimes pushy and demanding? Could he be afraid of you or your reaction?

Pay attention to how open it is in front of you. Of course, we are all different, and how much we reveal about our personal lives depends on the situation. However, if someone is constantly hiding information from you related to your joint affairs, most likely there is some kind of problem between you. Perhaps this is not hatred, but elementary forgetfulness on his part, but still it is worth finding out why he is not frank with you. Here are some things that people usually share with each other:
- everything related to joint projects at work;
- information that will clearly help you do your job or be happier;
- messages asking you to send something to you.
Recognize Important Signs
1. Don't take everything personally. Watch the person to see if they are rude or indifferent to everyone they talk to. Perhaps the problem is not with you, and this is his usual behavior.
  
  Assess his behavior in general. If you've only met once, or if he doesn't usually act like he doesn't like you, then it's probably a small thing. We all have bad days that make us rough and sullen. To make sure someone hates you, you have to pay attention to their behavior in the long run, rather than focusing on one or two isolated instances.
  
  Do not confuse frivolity with hatred. This is especially true for people who don't know you very well and may not notice that their actions and words hurt you a lot. Some people have a very hard time recognizing social cues and may not understand your negative reaction to their behavior. In addition, for many people, words sometimes get ahead of their thoughts, and this leads them to often say things that they later regret. If you notice that a person says hurtful things to many people, most likely he has difficulties with behavior in society, and his actions are not related to hatred specifically for you.
  
  Pay attention to the sources of the rumors. If you hear from another person that someone hates you, consider how reliable this information is. Ask why he thinks you are hated and determine how good that reason is. If this person is known for his gossip and sowing discord, perhaps he wants to provoke your excitement with his words, or he is trying to make it easier for someone.
2. Take a look at your own behavior. If the person you think you dislike only acts rude when you do something in particular, consider that they may hate you. behavior, but not you. Here are some things that can annoy or make people angry:
  - certain topics for conversation;
  - words or signs that a person finds offensive;
  - humor that may seem inappropriate;
  - requests to do or change something;
  - your behavior with other people, especially with their close friends or loved ones;
  - the level of physical intimacy (for example, many people hug everyone they know, while others do this only with the elite. It may be uncomfortable for a person that you often or, conversely, touch him little).
Try to mend the relationship anyway
1. Ask questions. If you notice that someone gets annoyed or angry when you talk to them, try asking them in a kind and gentle way what you are doing is upsetting them. Letting the person know that you just want the information, rather than asking them to change their behavior, will help you avoid conflict. If you don't want to deal with it in person, a note or voice message will give him time to think about his response instead of instinctively reacting defensively without solving the problem. Remember, even if your question sounds perfect and thoughtful, the person may snap, and there's nothing you can do about it. Here are some questions:
  - “You look down all the time, is there anything I can do to cheer you up or make things easier?”
  - “I feel like you treat me differently than everyone else, why is that?”
  - “I thought you got angry when _______. Is there anything I can do to please you?”
  - "Did I do something that made you angry? I feel that you are angry with me, but I don't understand why."
2. Try to see things from that person's point of view. Think about how you would react if someone treated you the way you treat them. Consider these options:
  - Does he feel like you're giving him an unfair workload?
  - Do you scold him more often than praise him?
  - Do you disagree with many of the things he says? Even if you try to hide your disagreement, he may still understand this and not trust you.
3. People who make you nervous are not worth your time. Whether the person hates you or not, if you cannot communicate with him in a manner that is acceptable to both of you, then it is in your best interest to forgive and forget.
4. Don't create drama around whether the person hates you or not. Even if you are hated, don't worry about it. Other people in your environment, whether it be your friends, family, or colleagues, will be grateful if you keep the drama to a minimum.
5. If you can't agree with someone, your best bet is to avoid that person. Don't pester him trying to figure out if he hates you. Even if you are trying to fix the situation, you can create problems for yourself if you do not succeed.

On the way, as a creative unit, as well as entire creative battalions, a terrible beast inevitably rises - criticism.

And you can't do anything to her. I drew a picture in red colors - bullfighters came running to poke you with a sharp stick. I replaced the red with green - the sticks were lowered, but rotten tomatoes were already flying on the other side. And there is no rest for the artist until the end of his days.

There is an old saying: You can't please everyone. But to explain point by point what the truth no longer wants to do. Well, that's why it is ancient, and we will try to figure it out.

1. Here is a nut hanging on a palm tree. He needs it to survive. And under the palm tree heels of primates: strong, weak, smart, stupid - different. Naturally, among them there is an alpha male who can climb a tree faster than anyone else. He has such a habit. But each of us subconsciously feels that if you climb first, then stones will fly. Abandoned by those who remained below. If the male is strong, he will climb, if he is weak, he will fall down.

2. The primate logic is: “I can stand downstairs and throw rocks until I run out of candidates. And then I will be able to deliver my plowshare to the nut. This attitude to any resource is in the blood: "You are either nuts or dead."

3. Today there is a lot of food, but the palm tree remains. Now it is called "social capital". The primate learned to be polite and helpful so that those around him would be polite and helpful. The higher the social capital, the more resources available.

4. Modern stone is criticism. Each critical attack breaks off a piece of social capital. As a result, the critic gets more power than the mother, the boss, and the president combined.

5. Social capital affects not only status, but also self-perception. The lower it is, the stronger the reflection: “Am I climbing the wrong palm tree? Can I get on? Perhaps the thrown stones should have taught me something? Do I need this nut at all? Should I follow the fashionable trend to gnaw at the bark? The task of critics is to bring social capital down to zero so that a person drops out of the race for a resource: “I am lying under a palm tree, looking at a nut, everything is fine, everyone is happy.”

6. What to do with all this? It is necessary to change the attitude towards failures, after this the attitude towards critics will also change. The pilots will help us. They say, "Flying is a series of bad decisions, most of which need to be corrected." If you return to earth, then this phrase will sound like this: “Only the most failure-resistant people achieve their goals.”

7. "Striving for success" is one of the divorces of modern society. Trade manipulation. Nobody teaches: “Before you get the nut, you will have all kinds of failures, that is life. And if you can stand it, then the nut will be yours. It's not fashionable, it's not for sale. Around the endless “Get a nut the first time”, “Seven ways to get a nut without lifting your ass”, “How to get a nut for those who are over thirty”, “List of primates who got a nut by the age of 25”.

8. It is instilled from childhood. Everyone tries to look like a nut is already in his pocket. Look successful, not fail-safe. This is what feeds the beast called the Critic. Both external and internal. Not to feed criticism means not being afraid of their mistakes, admitting them, discussing them.

9. Success is the result of hundreds of attempts, not one super-thought-out blow. Failure-resistant - a rarity. It is they who become opinion leaders, legends, make scientific and creative breakthroughs. It is from them, in the long run, that the most nuts are collected. Critics are an expensive attribute of the fail-resistant. They should be proud.

10. In the right hands, criticism is a tool. It helps to work on mistakes, move towards the goal, learns analytical thinking. It is a fuel and an indicator of social growth. It must be accepted, drawn to conclusions and asked for more.

And most importantly, you simply don’t understand why everything is happening like this, why, out of most people, you were chosen, as you think, as a scapegoat. Before you figure out what to do when you are hated at work, understand yourself, find the reasons why you are so negatively treated. There may be many of them.

"Plug in each barrel".

Such an expression is usually used when a person cannot listen, listen and constantly strives to correct the words of the speaker, and such a person always has something to answer to all the words of the speaker. Usually such a reason is very significant, especially if such a phenomenon occurs at work. If you are one of them, then you should understand why you are so hated at work. You will always have your own opinion, because none of your many colleagues is more erudite than you. Only you are sure of what you say, and most importantly, that your words must always be or are correct and true. Everything that you do is necessarily the most important and important, and that only you have the honor to do the most important work at work. Therefore, no one has the right to argue with you, and even more so not to give a word, which leads to constant interruption on your part, even if it concerns such a trifling topic as a scarlet rose, it will still be a beautiful and red flower for you.

"Lonely and proud bird".

It’s easier for you to be alone in your free time, drink tea, have breakfast or lunch, you just like to spend your free time in peace and quiet. And in order to invite you to any event, in order to participate in it, and in order to have to do something unusual for you, you need to make a lot of efforts, persuading you and giving examples of how it can be interesting there. What can I say, it’s even difficult for you to just speak first, start a conversation on any interesting topic at work.

"Workaholism is not a good thing at all.".

You are so busy with your work that you can’t spare a single extra minute just to talk about something with your colleagues. But you have so many of them that you don’t even know how to deal with it in order to start a new one, maybe not related to you. You meticulously and categorically honestly try to fulfill it one hundred percent, which sometimes does not leave yourself time just to go out for a minute to breathe fresh air, even into the corridor, not to mention the simple ventilation of the room in which you sit all day strictly from the beginning to the end of the work schedule. All right, if until the end of the working day, but often you just sit up until late in the evening. Of course, after all, no one but you will be able to do your work with the same quality, which is absolutely not typical for your colleagues to do either, they are just waiting for the speedy completion of the work. You don’t even think about what to do if your colleagues hate you, because you simply don’t have time!

"Keeping secrets is not about you! ".

If it so happened that one of your employees trusted you with something that he did not want to reveal to other colleagues, and you, not considering it so important, simply “disentangled” almost all your colleagues about it. Usually such a character trait as excessive talkativeness is generally not welcomed in everyday life, it is one of the main reasons why a person is hated. Learn to be the person who wants to be trusted with secrets, never doubting for a moment that you will never, for anything, divulge the secrets and mysteries entrusted only to you.

"You have an opinion on everything".

You do not value the opinion of another colleague, you will definitely challenge it. Even if someone from your working company put forward his opinion on any occasion that happened, while giving worthy examples and evidence. You will still get into the conversation, well, naturally interrupting your colleague, you will start telling him that he is deeply mistaken, that he is far from right. At the same time, you may underestimate the self-esteem of the interlocutor, because telling a person about his wrong is, to put it mildly, not very good. Each person has an opinion on this or that fact of what happened, because it is not in vain that it is said that all people are different, and therefore thoughts too.

"You can't take away".

Even if it concerns documents forgotten and left on someone else's desk or folders that you folded when you were looking for the document you needed, sorting through and taking out all these folders. At the same time, saying that you will definitely remove everything later. Admit it, to put it mildly, it was unpleasant for you to suddenly find a mountain of incomprehensible documents on your desk, as well as yours or your colleague. This can also apply to unwashed dishes, from which it is not difficult to guess who is the owner of all this goodness, even if it is in a common kitchen place, whether it is a table or a cabinet, not to mention someone else's workplace.

"They say about you that you are an inveterate sycophant".

About someone like you, you can still say that you are not all right with your head, because you are always funny and cheerful when it comes to the words of the authorities, which can sometimes be difficult to understand where humor is, and where just words. Of course, because for you everything that the leadership says is the most important, important, correct and interesting, and especially funny when it is said with fun. Here is your and not always appropriate laughter and irritates all your colleagues, and that may be why they hate you so much. Even worse, you always try to praise your bosses, they say, how strict and responsible they are, etc., despite the fact that many simply cannot stand them.

"Real loudspeaker".

The funny thing is you just don't notice it or don't want to notice it. You often have to talk on the phone, whether it is at work, the conversations of which are part of your duties, whether it is chatting with a friend or relatives. And you do it quite loudly, so that you can hear all the details of the conversation through the wall.

So get it right and then maybe no one will hate you anymore.

Hello everyone, readers of my blog!

The mood went downhill - I decided to try myself here. I will write and share my opinion on the famous saying of Mourinho " If you love, That You-good, If you hate, That You-best!"

Probably 99% of the people who are reading this now have not achieved what Mourinho has achieved. And that's not an insult, that's a fact. In my opinion, Mourinho is the BEST coach in the history of football. This villain who is Hated has achieved everything possible. He knows how to remove pressure from the players, transferring it to himself. He can change the scheme right during the game and play indoor football, and then open up and finish off the opponent completely. In short, if you're playing against Chelsea it's very, very difficult to beat this team tactically. But we will talk about his psychology and perhaps reach our goal - to understand what is going on in the head of this genius.

Judging by his biography, we can say that he literally proved this statement throughout his career. At first he just lifted clubs and won trophies with him, but now he does the same with it, making statements that many people seethe. They start to hate him. I asked people who support Manchester United, Liverpool, Arsenal. Just the same, they consider him a terrible coach and tactician. But they are just ridiculous! I won't say how many trophies Jose won and why they shouldn't say that. Please note that it is as if on purpose, and in some places it is, to arouse hatred among others. This is an insane coach and I can't stop praising him.

After completing his playing career, Mourinho began coaching, first entering the coaching staff of various Portuguese clubs (he worked most of all under the guidance of Bobby Robson). He himself is from a football family. He is the son of football goalkeeper Felix Mourinho. Throughout the history of his coaching career, he has coached 12 different teams. Not bad huh? And it's easy to guess that more than half of these clubs are insanely grateful to him.

The winning percentage of teams under his leadership is 67 percent.

What did I lead to. I call on all fans of Arsenal, Liverpool, Manchester United, MS, etc. understand and stop writing some nonsense about Mourno. You don't make him angry, he just enjoys it.

Guys, write your opinions. Do not judge strictly - I wrote in haste, after watching the old matches of Porto. If it does, I'll write every day. Thank you.

Mourinho about himself: “I like to challenge myself. When I started with Porto, he didn't win anything for many years. When he moved to Chelsea, he did not win a championship for 50 years. Inter have not won the Champions League for 45 years. Challenges like this motivate me...