Life audit. Doing what you want is the only way to live life right

Hello again!
I have written many times about the importance of doing what you want. But sometimes I see a very strange effect of these words of mine. For example, people begin to believe that doing what you want is the way to receive some benefits and bonuses. This is a big mistake. As soon as you turn something into a scheme, everything immediately breaks down and goes sideways.

And this is exactly the scheme - I want to get something, for this I will start doing "what I want" (and often some stupid things are meant, like jumping naked or swearing in public, and not real needs), because Manukovsky says that I will get everything. Well, where is the desire? Everything is from the mind, all plans and goals are of some kind, a solid "must" under the pseudonym "I want."

Do what you want, not to get something. Do what you want to do in order to live, not to exist. There is no greed in my heart - I want to receive, I want to receive, give me, give. No, the heart wants happiness, peace, harmony. Doing what you want is vital. Without this, there is no life, but hard labor.

After all, the main thing in the postulate "do what you want" is to free yourself from what you DO NOT WANT to do. It is most important. It's not very clear when I say - live as you want, right? How do I want? - the question immediately arises. But to throw out of your life what you don’t like in it, not to do what you don’t want to do - this is much clearer. Everyone knows what doesn't suit him. Although, of course, he can lie that he does not know. We are completely free, we can easily not recognize reality. Our will has no obstacles, we are not conditioned by anything, even to our own detriment.

Well, or it happens when it pulls very clearly somewhere. But not for the same we go where it pulls to get benefits. Pulls there, I want it. I want to do something, to go somewhere. And not - I will do it to get the result.

Recently, a person who is taking a course wrote to me. He very well articulated what is desirable and what is not. He had a "wish-finding" problem. See how simple it is.

Exactly. A very subtle thing is beautifully expressed. It can be hard to explain that when you don't want something, that is the desire that you can fulfill. That is, just do nothing, and not walk and look for what you want at this moment. This is what you want - do nothing and do not look for "what do I want?".

Doing what you want (and not doing what you don't want) is a huge value. Value in itself, regardless of what it gives you. But, of course, by doing what you want, you can get a lot. If not "do what you want" for the sake of getting.

In the article you will be offered one simple and beautiful solution, how to avoid suffering and at the same time solve many problems.

This article is addressed to those people who continue to experience suffering. At the end of the article, a practical way will be given on how to eliminate all suffering in your life today.

Suffering is a signal that it's time to change something

If you do not drink or smoke, but you still have internal suffering, this is a sure signal that it is time to change something.
In sobriety, it is no longer possible to escape into the alcoholic world and use other addictions. Therefore, you begin to feel more clearly and sharply what does not suit you in life, therefore you experience suffering.

Understanding the source of suffering.

1. The first thing you should start with is to understand: what events and aspects of life cause inner discomfort and suffering.
2. Second, you need to figure out how to avoid these things in your life that cause suffering. It is to come up with and draw up a specific plan for how this can be done.
3. The third is to begin to gradually take action to change your life.

If you don’t like the job, you need to figure out how to change jobs or how not to work at all.
If you do not like the place where you live, you need to figure out how to live where you want.

Stop doing what you don't want to do.

The main goal is not to find what you want. It's about gradually stopping doing what you don't want to do. You can start with seemingly insignificant things:
stop living up to the expectations of loved ones,
stop being good
stop doing what you don't like.
This will allow you to minimize suffering in your life.

If you don't like something, you should try not to do it. I don't know how, but it needs to be introduced into your life in order to become real.

The suffering you're experiencing right now is because you HAVE to do what you don't want to do - and it desensitizes you.

You can't even feel what you really want.
Therefore, it is necessary get rid of suffering and gradually stop doing what you don't want to do.
When you " suffer”, tolerate those conditions that are disgusting to you, your sensitivity is at a low level, and all the good opportunities that come to you (and they come to you, be sure), you successfully miss.

Listen to your soul

Try to listen to your soul more clearly. She is the one who knows what you really want.
If you simply ignore the urges of the soul, your sobriety will not be of high quality and suffering will not go anywhere.
The path of sobriety is the path of the soul.
By listening to your soul, you make your life better.

Fear gets in the way of pain

You will have a fear of change, because you are not used to changing something. You are used to doing anything: running away, ignoring, but not changing your life. Change is always scary, but it is necessary. Change is growth.

Someone will think, what will I live on? Can I starve to death?
Nothing like this.
A person who leads a completely sober lifestyle has no other addictions, his nose goes strictly with the wind, and he will never become poor, because he will sense and use every opportunity, since every time he consults with his soul.

Illusory values

It is necessary to give up external values ​​such as:
money,
wheelbarrows,
clothes,
smartphones,
show off.

In pursuit of illusory values, you will lose yourself and your happiness. And the suffering won't go away.
I recommend putting true values ​​at the center of your life:
self-realization,
Liberty,
Love,
happiness,
healthy relationships (with a loved one, society, with oneself).

No material value will give you spiritual satisfaction and deliverance from suffering. No career achievements, success at work, large sums of money, status will close your inner pain. In addition, your soul, which is millions of years old, is absolutely not interested in these external trinkets.

Work as a source of suffering

For example, you work and maybe even make good money.
If at the same time work brings you joy and satisfaction, you can be quite a happy person.
But if you feel daily suffering, and the work does not suit you very much, something needs to be done about it.
Of course, you shouldn't throw the application on the boss's desk tomorrow. But change needs to be planned.

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If you gradually stop doing what you don't want, it will solve many of your problems.
Due to the fact that your sensitivity will increase, you will hear your soul better. And make the best decisions, both in your life and in the field of finances, setting goals and choosing decisions.

intrinsic value

If you do not do what you do not like, it increases your self-esteem.
And healthy self-esteem is the foundation of a relationship.
To build good relationships, you need to respect and value yourself.

Renunciation of suffering leads to the fact that:

1. You gradually begin to love yourself, because you will not arbitrarily humiliate yourself;
2. You will love yourself, automatically love other people;
3. And then others will be able to love you;
4. If you value yourself, you can easily find a soul mate and build a healthy relationship.

Your passion

In addition, renunciation of suffering is fundamental if you want to practice and develop what you love. You will be able to develop your hobbies and hobbies, which by default require high sensitivity.

Where to start to get rid of suffering

Start small:
do not want to wash the dishes - do not wash,
If you don't want to get out, don't get out!
if you want to sleep a little longer on the weekend - sleep at least until the evening!

Don't think that you can turn into a lazy person. It only seems. When you are satisfied with primary desires, you will do, create, create, add, but at a much more effective level than if you did it against the backdrop of suffering.
This is the shortest and most direct path to happiness.

People who managed to get out of suffering were able to truly realize themselves in life. These include great scientists and poets, artists and inventors.
People who clearly heard their soul.

You can forget everything that was written in this article, but at least remember these 2 things:

To get rid of suffering and achieve a comfortable state, you need to do the following:

1. Get rid of all addictions (alcohol, smoking, overeating, gambling addiction),
2. Don't do what you don't want to do.

A very simple formula.
Why are so many people suffering and not enjoying life? Because few people follow these 2 simple steps.
So lead a sober lifestyle and listen to your soul. And you will be happy!

How to get out of neurosis and learn to always do only what

what do you want?

We publish an important and very useful, in our opinion, text by Mikhail Labkovsky, a practicing psychologist and columnist. Personal problems raised by the author, unfortunately, are very common in our time.

The advice to “do only what you want” is perceived by our citizens as a call to anarchy. They consider their greatest desires to be certainly vile, vicious, dangerous to others. People are sure that they are secret bespredelschik, and are simply afraid to give themselves free rein! I see this as a serious symptom of a general neurosis.

You tell a man: do what you want! And he: what are you doing! Is it possible?!

The answer is: if you consider yourself a good person, then yes. Possible and necessary. The desires of a good person coincide with the interests of others.

Six rules that have helped more than a dozen people get out of neurosis are the result of 30 years of practice. This does not mean that I have been thinking about them for 30 years. Rather, one day they themselves spontaneously lined up, like the periodic table in Mendeleev's head when he woke up.

The rules are simple at first glance:

Do only what you want.
Don't do what you don't want to do.
Say what you don't like right away.
Don't answer when not asked.
Answer only the question.
Finding out the relationship, talk only about yourself.

Let me explain how they work. Every neurotic in childhood receives a certain irritant in his life, and not even one. Since this is an annoyingly repetitive stimulus, the child's psyche develops the same stereotypical reactions to it. For example, parents yell - the child gets scared and withdraws into himself, and since they are constantly yelling, That the child is constantly in fear and depression. It grows and the behavior continues to take hold. Irritant - reaction, irritant - reaction. This is how it goes year after year. During this time, strong nerve connections are formed in the brain, the so-called reflex arc- nerve cells built in a certain way, which make them react in the usual way to any similar stimulus. (And if the child was beaten or even abandoned? Can you imagine what reactions he develops to life?)

So, to help a person overcome fears, anxieties, insecurity, low self-esteem - this the arc needs to be broken. Create new connections, their new order. And there's only one way to do it"without the use of lobotomy": with the help of actions unusual for a neurotic.

He needs to start acting differently, breaking his behavioral stereotypes. And when there are clear instructions on how to behave in each specific situation, it is easier to change. Without thinking, without reflecting, without referring to one's own (negative) experience. For life in general, it doesn't matter what you think - only what you feel and what you do matters.

My rules suggest a mode of behavior that is completely uncharacteristic of neurotics and, on the contrary, is characteristic of mentally healthy people: calm, independent, with high self-esteem, those who love themselves.

The first point causes the greatest resistance, a lot of questions, doubts, as well as accusations against me. They tell me what is this? “Love yourself, sneeze at everyone, and success awaits you in life”? Although I never say anything about “spit on everyone”.

For some reason, everyone stubbornly believes that to live as you want yourself means to live to the detriment of others. In addition, in our society there is a contemptuous attitude towards one's own desires, as if they must necessarily be base. And vicious. I would even say that our citizens treat their desires with apprehension or even fear. The concept is: “Just give me free rein! I uuh! Then I won't be stopped! (Sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll or like "I'll kill everyone here!" and "I'm scary when I'm angry!)" If this is really what he wants, then what kind of person is this? Further, he usually admits that he needs a firm hand, a strong bridle, and so on. In my opinion, such a psychology is called slave.

There is another concept. Mom's favorite cry after (perhaps father) was: "You can't live the way you want!" And what worse did she say about those who live like that (perhaps about her father). My grandmother had a saying: “We do not live for joy, but for conscience,” and the whole family had a sign: if we laugh a lot today, then we will cry tomorrow. Result- a person with an anxious psyche organically cannot do what he wants. He can't even determine what he wants. He is, as it were, guilty in advance and is sure that retribution will come for fulfilled desires, and therefore it is necessary to behave “as it should be” preventively.

And yet, “doing what you want” is often confused with “being selfish.” But there is a big difference! The egoist does not accept himself and cannot calm down in any way. He is absolutely obsessed with himself, his problems and inner experiences, the main of which is a sense of resentment. He cannot help or sympathize with you, not at all because he is so bad, but because he does not have the spiritual strength for this. After all, he has a stormy, exciting relationship with himself. And it seems to everyone that he is insensitive, callous, cold, that he doesn’t give a damn about everyone, and at this time he thinks that it’s just that no one cares about him! And continues to accumulate resentment.

And what is a person who loves himself? It's the one who will always choose a cause to which his soul lies. And when it is necessary to decide what to do, he may figure out what is effective, what is reasonable, as a sense of duty commands, and then he will do it, as you WANT. Even if he loses money on it. And he has a lot to lose. But who is he to be offended by? He is fine. He lives among those he loves, he works where he likes ... He has everything agreed and harmonious with himself, and therefore he is kind to others and open to the world. And he respects the wishes of others as much as he respects his own.

And by the way, that is why he does not have that internal conflict that is typical for neurotics living a double life. Eg, with his wife - out of a sense of duty, and with his mistress - just out of a feeling. And then he buys a gift for his wife because "it's necessary" and not because WANTS to make her happy. Or going to work because he likes that what he does not because he has loan, and he hopes to endure another five years in this office hell. Here it is - duality!

Wanting to achieve results, many consider it their duty to fight with themselves, suppress emotions, say to themselves: never mind, I'll get used to it! The result, achieved without struggle and self-overcoming, apparently does not please them. Here is a universal example of such a struggle: on the one hand, she wants to eat, and on the other, she wants to lose weight. And even if he loses weight, he loses. She is at a loss to herself, because she still dreams of a cake, especially closer to one in the morning.

Well, that's about what I say to my clients when I explain the first and probably the most important of my six rules. Which, by the way, I myself try to live. And I will not pretend that it was easy for me. It takes a lot of effort in the beginning to "live the way you want to." The psyche habitually leads you along the path of compromises and fears, and you catch yourself by the hand and say: damn it, what am I doing? I don't want this! And so many times, after which it becomes easier and easier to make decisions. For your own benefit, but not to the detriment of someone else. I know that I am a good person, which means that my desires will not create problems for anyone.

And honestly, it gets easier and easier to live. Moreover, having trained, after some time you can no longer do it differently. Sometimes you think “to act reasonably”, but contrary to desire and will, but the body is already resisting. As long as you don’t give up what you really don’t want, but seem to need. And joy comes. True, I have recently lost a decent income in this way, but income is better than health and joy.

So, why is the deadline approaching, but there is still no decision?

Reason #1: You're putting things off because you're afraid you won't be able to do it.

Solution: Instead of “fixing on gains,” use “fixing on loss prevention.”

Explanation: Each task can be viewed from two perspectives. It's usually accepted to look like this - "I will do this, and I will become better / cooler / richer / healthier." This is "achievement fixation" when you anticipate how you will feel better when you achieve something. The problem is that if you are afraid of not being able to complete a task, it makes no sense to complete it - you will not achieve anything. If you want, for example, to go in for sports, and subconsciously imagine the great sporting achievements that lie ahead of you, at the same time you are afraid of not achieving them.
Psychological research shows that one of the most common reasons for putting off tasks is the fear of not completing them.

But you can look at the task from the other side: what happens if it is not done? Surely you will lose something. If you don't do the job, you'll lose your salary, or maybe a bonus. It is not necessary to get a gold medal at the Olympics - but if you do not play sports at all, you will undermine your health. Set yourself up for “loss prevention” and this will be a good motivator.

Of course, it is not so easy and simple, but it is better to motivate yourself in this way than to worry about what can go wrong and do nothing as a result.

Reason #2: You're putting off a task because you're "not in the mood."

Solution: ignore your feelings and moods, they only get in the way.

“I just can’t get up early”, “I can’t go to the gym” - such excuses are too often used. But in fact, no one chained you to the bed. There are no bouncers blocking your way before entering the fitness club. Physically, nothing prevents you - you just "do not have the right mood." Ok, and who said that in order to do something, you need the right mood?

Think about it. For some reason, it is believed that in order to achieve success, you must necessarily have inspiration or mood. We must be determined to do what needs to be done. Is this not nonsense? In general, of course, you need to more or less desire something - to become healthier, richer, stronger. But you don't need to be in the right mood all the time.

All successful people in creative professions - artists, writers (and many programmers also like to classify themselves as creative people) - they all achieved success simply by working a few hours a day. Regardless of the mood. As Chuck Close (an artist and photographer who continued to work even after being partially paralyzed) said: “Inspiration is for beginners. Everyone else just comes and works.”

So, if you are not in the mood - this is not a reason. Nothing stops you.

Reason #3: The task is too difficult, boring, or unpleasant.

Solution: plan ahead.

As soon as the time comes to do something very difficult, unpleasant, doubts also come. “Maybe I'll do it next time. Or maybe it's not really necessary. Now there is something else to do."

The problem is that if you start thinking about whether to do or not to do something when it's time to do it - you set yourself a double task. And decide on it, and then do it again. And decision-making is a difficult task in itself. You have to turn on willpower every time - and, as you know, it is not iron.

It is much easier to do planning based on a simple if/then algorithm. "When Saturday comes, I'll clean the apartment." “When I got up in the morning, I immediately do exercises.” “If the boss forgets about my request to raise my salary, I will remind him at the meeting.”

By making decisions ahead of time, you are already doing some of the work. It remains, when the right moment comes, just to fulfill your decision. You've already made up your mind - well, there is no room for doubt.

From myself I want to add one more trick that I use. Usually a person is too lazy not just to do something - usually they don’t want to change the state, or switch to another task. I know that once I start doing something, it's just much easier to keep going. Therefore, every time I encounter an unpleasant or task, I agree with myself - if I suddenly do not want to continue it, I will immediately finish it. “I’ll start cleaning up the apartment from this room - if suddenly something happens, I’ll quit.”
Almost always, as a result, the task is brought to the end - "I have already begun, what to throw halfway through."

And finally, I’ll note - if you wake up in the morning, you look forward with a smile to what you will be doing all day, if time flies imperceptibly for your business, if you are surprised that only a month has passed, and you have already done so much - congratulations, you are happy Human!

Good luck in all your endeavors, and may the willpower be with you.