Midlife crisis in men: how to save a marriage. Midlife crisis in men - advice from a psychologist

Crisis of transitional age. 13-15 years old

Associated with hormonal changes in the body and attempts to find their place in society - the young man "trying on" adult life. In the borderline manifestations of the crisis, adolescents become uncontrollable, they often have depressive states. Dependence on alcohol and drugs may develop. The sooner you engage in psychological work with a child, the more likely it is that the teenage crisis will pass without major upheavals. Ideally, psychotraining should be carried out before a difficult period, and not when it has already begun.

ADVICE FOR PARENTS

Try to enter the inner world of a teenager - ask why he changed his musical taste, clothing style, etc. Talk to him about what interests him and tell him that, for example, the group "Portishhead", by and large, copies the style of "Deep Purple" in general terms. In the end, go to a rock concert together or even to a performance by street musicians in the underground passage - you might also be interested there, because there are many underground geniuses among the younger generation. Then the child will see that in front of him is not just a parent, but a living person who once wore a flare, will be imbued with sympathy, and having found such an understanding, he will not have the need to go to the extremes inherent in the teenage crisis.

If a teenager pulls money from home, then teach him to appreciate it - do not feed him once, tell him that there is no money, let him understand that they are not endless. For the same reason, do not give him extra pocket money.

Build a relationship with a teenager not on a ban, but on an explanation - the first gives rise to protest and provokes drastic actions, and the second turns on the "head".

CRISIS OF AMBITION. 22-29 YEARS

By this time, a person finishes training and is forced to start all over again from scratch. Nobody is interested in his previous merits, the young specialist finds himself at the bottom of the career ladder. The realization that it will take ten years to overcome it can greatly darken life. A crisis of ambition manifests itself in a constant feeling of dissatisfaction with work, a feeling of inferiority becomes frequent, envy of more successful employees pursues, bosses cause irritation and anger. As a result - quarrelsomeness, the reputation of a brawler, frequent job changes.

PSYCHOLOGIST'S ADVICE

If you easily share emotions, then do not withdraw into yourself, but tell the person you trust about the problem. Regardless of what he advises you, this simple trick will help you feel not alone in hard work, and not dwell on worries. If talking about personal to another is a problem for you, no one except a psychotherapist will help you.

Try to look at everything from the outside - are the reproaches of the authorities so unfair and are there so many shortcomings in the leadership. Often your professionalism is exaggerated, and what you consider to be the minuses of the authorities are their strengths. If there are minor weaknesses, then they, in the end, can be forgiven. If you come to a different decision, the situation that does not suit you can be changed - life always throws up an alternative.

Improve yourself - go to courses, and to those that will allow you to change your boring lifestyle as much as possible. If your job is sedentary (and such work is for most people), then courses related to movement are best suited: sports section, dance, speleology, tourism, and if the work is mobile, foreign language and art photography courses are suitable. Such a change of activity is necessary because a person by nature must be harmonious - he must spend half the time sitting, half in motion.

CRISIS OF EARLY MATURITY. 30-35 YEARS

At this time, a man begins to worry about his health, to be afraid of death - this fear is called thanatophobia. Attacks of thanatophobia come at meetings of graduates and old friends, when it turns out that someone is no longer alive. Many people experience difficulties in family life associated with the appearance and upbringing of children, at this age old marriages are often destroyed and new ones are created.

Psychologist's advice

Get exercise. Thanks to her, the muscles acquire a tone, like a young one, which is similarly reflected in the psyche. Let it not be exhausting, debilitating activities, but feasible and pleasant loads. A light jog in the early morning, a visit to the pool in the evening can relieve fatigue, give freshness to the perception of the world, and even relieve depression. When doing physical education, it is very important, firstly, to take into account your personal biorhythm of a lark or an owl and load yourself when you have the strength, and not when it is impossible to get off the bed, and secondly, do this not alone, but in the company of friends will distract you from unpleasant annoying memories.

Change your appearance - a new hairstyle, a well-groomed appearance will distract you from gloomy thoughts and give you confidence. For this purpose, it is best to visit a stylist, beautician or even an image maker.

Return to childhood hobbies. Numismatics, computer games will remind you of a carefree time or distract, however, in some cases - a new addiction.

Middle age crisis. 40-45 years old

It is considered the most difficult. Associated with a reassessment of life ideals and regret about unrealized opportunities. At the same time, the second round of thanatophobia begins, more acute. Many during this period are prone to cardinal destructive actions: leaving the family, changing jobs. A frequent "symptom" of the 40-year-old crisis is alcoholism.

Psychologist's advice

Expand the field of intellectual communication. Philosophical books and exquisite psychological films can help restore temporarily lost balance. But rarely, someone close can give a clear recommendation to a particular person what he needs to read or watch. Therefore, at this age, it is necessary to visit a psychotherapist.

Talk to your children more often - not just "Hello, how are you - it's fine," but ask who they were rooting for at the Olympics, what films are in fashion among young people, etc. Information about the life of the young can give a surge to your emotions, rejuvenate them.

Many 40-year-olds, seeing that the children will soon fly out of the family "nest", feel longing. "Shock" therapy in this case will be the birth of a baby - age still allows. You just don't have time to get depressed.

Crisis of the empty nest. 50-55 years old

Associated with feelings of loneliness. Most often occurs after adult children leave the house. A man ceases to feel like the head of the family, it seems to him that his contribution to the creation of the well-being of the family has depreciated and his authority has been shaken. The feeling of uselessness often develops into resentment towards children and loved ones.

WITHpsychologist's advice

Force your children to give birth to your grandchildren, they are the best joy for a grandfather, and even more useful for them: a grandfather can raise grandchildren better than his own father and mother: wisdom is added to rich life experience.

Get a dog. She definitely becomes a member of the family and gives the joy that you are used to receiving from children, and she will not be able to upset you as much as they sometimes do.

pension crisis. 60-65 years old

It occurs when a person finds himself outside the professional activity in which he has been engaged for most of his life. It turns out that he does not know how to use his free time, and an idle life weighs on him. Thoughts of death become obsessive, the fear of being on the sidelines of life poisons existence. A man is able to endlessly complain about the whole world, to torment himself with endless treatment for non-existent diseases.

Psychologist's advice

If it’s really hard to be without a job, find a part-time job: pensioners need frameworks, a system - it doesn’t allow their brains to fall asleep. Work as a taxi driver or a security guard - whatever you like.

Think about your hobbies - fishing, chess, poetry - and find the appropriate club of interest.

Now that you have a lot of free time - finally take the time to a healthy lifestyle: it's never too late to harden and run in the morning, however, just in case, consult your doctor.

OPINIONS

Andrey Samovyuk, psychiatrist, head of the BTsNTMO day hospital:

“There are also pluses in age crises: rethinking often leads to personal growth and positive changes in life.

In moments of reassessment of the past, men more often than women suffer from neurosis and depression, but very rarely seek medical help, preferring to drown problems in alcohol. Men are by nature more ambitious than women, they have higher social expectations that are difficult to meet. Having successfully overcome one age crisis, a man can get bogged down in another for several years. Therefore, do not hesitate to contact a psychologist if you feel that life has ceased to bring joy. Don't be afraid to see a psychiatrist if you're experiencing neurosis or depression."

Evgeny Voronkov, psychiatrist-psychotherapist:

"Most age-related crises are far-fetched problems. Two have a real biological basis: adolescence and menopause. The first is associated with an increase in the level of sex hormones, the second with its extinction. In both cases, this affects the behavior of a man. In both cases the best way out for a man is to find a partner who is concerned about the same problems: it is easier to experience life's difficulties together. Other crises are not necessary and can go unnoticed in harmoniously developed people. The risk group is impressionable, vulnerable people. "

Personal experience

Les Poderevyansky, writer, artist:

“Personally, I don’t have crises in my life, but I have a rich experience of observing why other men have them. The main cause of male crises is the disturbed harmony of male nature, and it consists of the desires of the mind and body. Therefore, if the head wants to the right, and the bottom - to the left, then it will cause problems. There is only one way out of this situation: for these bodies to agree with each other. That is, you need to clearly set priorities, realize: what is more important to you in life, and what can be neglected. Then there will be no crises, at least as long as hormones are being produced in the body."

Vladimir Bystryakov, composer:

"Like every person of art, I have had crises in my life, but I associate them not with certain ages, but with differences in creative activity - you can't work with the same efficiency all the time. Sometimes it happens that there is less work, whatever you want, all sorts of thoughts begin to creep into your head - about lack of demand, etc. To become discouraged is a sin, therefore, such a crisis must be steadfastly endured, giving rest to the nerves and body. in the evening.5-7 days of such a regime are enough and any crisis disappears, and it is replaced by a bright streak and a surge of strength.You can also ask friends for help - but only once and from one loved one.If you ask more often, society will begin to avoid you : people try to stay close to successful people and away from losers. Also, during this period, you can not sit down on a glass or drugs - this will only prolong the crisis. "

*Thanks for the help in preparing the material of the psychiatrist-psychotherapist, professor Oleg Chaban and the psychologist of the hospital of the Kyiv psychoneurological dispensary Bohdan Padalets

Tatyana Evseeva
Dmitry Gutsalo

Have you noticed how a man you know, a person who is fully accomplished, as a person, as a professional in his field and as a wonderful family man, for no reason becomes not his own, as if he was replaced? A man leaves his beloved wife, abandons his own children, is constantly on the verge of a nervous breakdown, closes in on himself, changes his profession, or is going to cross the ocean in a rowboat all alone, apart from a dog, at the age of 40, and does other things without foreseeing actions. In general, a man acts as if you have a completely different person in front of you, but not the guy you have known for 25 years, since school. It's like a person has been changed!

Sometimes a man changes beyond recognition, he is not recognized not only by acquaintances and friends, but even by the closest people, family. In many such cases, even the men themselves cannot understand what is happening to them. Therefore, the task of loved ones and relatives is to help a man overcome the midlife crisis and support a man at a new life stage. After all, a midlife crisis in men is a stage during which males reconsider their attitude towards themselves, as well as their attitude towards the outside world. There comes a period of reassessment of the usual views on life, a change of foundations and values.

The midlife crisis in men has its advantages, which help to realize the fact that life does not stand still, and even with age, something needs to change in it, you need to live in a new way and gratefully accept all the gifts of adulthood.

In many cases, symptoms of a midlife crisis include:

• Depression, loss of meaning in life.
• It may seem to a man that he made a mistake in choosing a profession, a place of work, as well as in choosing a life partner.
• Loss of significance of all material achievements, family happiness, complete disappointment in people.
• The life lived seems unfair and boring.
• Complete dissatisfaction.
• The desire to turn your world around, to replace routine work is not known for what.
• Family life, circle of friends and acquaintances acquire a “taste” of monotony.
• For strangers, a midlife crisis in a man causes misunderstanding and condemnation. In turn, the man believes that his environment (people) treat him with incomprehension, refuse support, so there can be nothing in common with them and even nothing to talk about with them.

In social circles, such a phenomenon as a midlife crisis is called the "rebellion of the forties", but in fact, a crisis in men can occur at 30 and 50 years. Everything happens very individually. As a rule, men begin to experience such a difficult period after thirty years. It would be correct to single out the word “begin”, because it is precisely such a stage in life that may not last a month or a year, but may be a whole decade long. The stage of crisis is one of the most difficult and dramatic periods in a man's life. In terms of the strength of experiences and emotional instability, a midlife crisis can be compared with adolescence in boys. It is worth adding that both periods, adolescence and midlife crisis have many similar emotional experiences.

Causes of a midlife crisis in men

Most often, during a midlife crisis, all problems from the past, from adolescence, that have calmed down before, emerge “outside”. You could even say that a man is going through a second transitional period of growing up. If a man in the past, in adolescence, could not get out of the zone of influence of his relatives (mom, dad) in time, then after 30-40 years a man begins to realize that until that moment he lived and thought not by his own desires, but acted according to foreign "laws". And now he wants to create his own "laws" himself. From here comes the natural craving and desire to know oneself, to find one's own path. This stage in life is not just a crisis - it is a global and final restructuring of a man, his values, his views on the world, on people and on himself.

Not all men experience a crisis because they are influenced by complexes from adolescence, more often there are other reasons for this:

Reason 1: success

Yes, it is the success of a man aged 30-50 that plays a huge role in his life. Around the age of 30-40, men achieve a certain professional growth and status in their careers. Here the man stops and asks himself questions: “Where to go next? How to live on? After all, the summit has already been reached, where should I go? How to stay on this peak and not fall? After all, from behind, on the way to the top, young and carefree guys are pushing. Can I change my profession? What if I don't have the strength? Maybe I'm too old for this business? Will I have enough time to achieve a new goal? Will I be able to do everything? and other questions.

Reason 2: age-related changes

Biological time goes forward and physiological and age-related changes occur in the body of every man, the male body begins to age. A man has changes in appearance, libido becomes lower, the hormonal background is unstable, his strength is gone. Not all men can accept such very difficult psychological and physiological changes. Especially in a society where there is a propaganda of youth, a beautiful inflated body, ideal beauty, vigor of the body and strength of mind.

Reason 3: social value

In the course of life, the social role of a man changes: from a little boy he becomes an adult man, from a junior probationer he becomes the head of a department, from a freedom-loving guy he becomes a responsible family man who provides material and spiritual benefits for himself, his wife and children. Then the man comes at a time when the parents are aging, and some parents, unfortunately, die. Not all men are ready for such turns of events and such changes in life - a complete reversal of roles. After all, you have to take responsibility for many other people: a wife, elderly parents, teenage children with their own problems, etc. Therefore, in the end, a man gets depressed, he understands that almost all of his life achieved, did everything for himself and his family, so what will happen next? Old age? Without purpose and meaning?

The dangers of the crisis

During a crisis, the most dangerous is the depressive point of view: I can’t do anything, my life is lost, who needs me old, etc. Such self-pity must be cut down at the root, because each age has its advantages. You need to look at the world from a positive point of view: everything will work out, I'm just starting to live, I accept the world as it is, and let the world accept me as I am. Any praise, any kind word in relation to yourself and to your age, social status can significantly cheer you up and look at the world differently.

Also, the danger lies in wait for men in making lightning-fast decisions to change everything drastically once and for all. For example, this can include the desire to leave the family, take unreasonable risks, give up everything, sell the house, give money to the poor and go to live in Tibet as a wanderer, and so on. All radical decisions may bring a change in life, but they are self-deception and in the end will only fill the soul with sadness. After all, you can’t run away from yourself, the illusion is beautiful, but you need to change the world inside yourself.

A crisis in men can be a wonderful rebirth, a new stage for take-off and the start of new ideas, as well as achievements.

This does not mean that you need to radically change all the usual foundations and lifestyle, you can only continue to develop and boldly follow your own path. A man needs to evaluate the time he has lived, all the important situations, accept all the past experiences, rethink his desires and expectations, accept himself as new, thank himself for what he has achieved and continue to achieve even more in the new period of life. After all, life is valued not by the years lived, but by how much joy and elation there was in it.

It is important to audit the life path, to realize the fact that every person grows up and comes to an age where everything seems to have been achieved and there is no goal. But a midlife crisis is not a sentence, and therefore it should be treated like a game of chess, life makes a move and you go out to meet it. Therefore, it is worth considering all your actions, being more in high spirits and not forgetting that all problems are solved, no matter how difficult they may seem.

Look at some of the grandpas who bloom at 60 like guys in their 20s. They do what they love, sports, look for new goals and do not lose heart. While others are already burying themselves after 45 years, they say, life is lost, there is no point and you don’t want to look for it. But there is a point! You need to accept your fate and your life path, accept yourself as you are already now. Try to find like-minded people, change the psychological environment, find those goals that make you smile and from which there is a desire to live.

It all depends on the man, on how much he wants and can accept his physiological and psychological changes, problems, and also much depends on the strength to look straight into the eyes of his new future.

How to help a man overcome a midlife crisis?

• Be patient, support the man and don't react to his mood swings. Try to get through this period with understanding.
• Be prepared for the fact that such a period can last a long time, in some cases it drags on for many years.
• Do not blame the man, it is also hard for him now. Give the man time to realize his needs, and decide on his desires.
• Do not insist that the man go to the doctor. Don't give him advice and don't force him to follow it.
• Wife and children should not react sharply to changes in the father's condition. Give him the opportunity to be alone.
• Do not make scandals and scenes of jealousy, do not reproach or blame the man for what happened.
• Keep yourself in control, even if a man behaves disgustingly. Give him time to change his mind.
• Show him that you love him in spite of everything and are always ready to give him a helping hand.
• Do not threaten a man, do not manipulate children, housing, etc.
• If a man began to seek salvation in alcohol or smoking, try to talk softly with him.
• Show him all your love and care.
• If a man decides to leave the family, do not keep him, no matter how strange it may sound.
• If a man decides to change his field of activity - support him, inspire life in him with your faith in him.

How to survive a midlife crisis in men

Very rarely, there are cases when a midlife crisis comes unnoticed and passes without much change. In any case, a midlife crisis brings some changes to a man's life. Therefore, all disagreements and conflicts must be resolved immediately and at the first stage of their appearance. You need to be able to find a compromise.

• A man should be prepared for a change in the psychological state, for mood swings, for rash (spontaneous) actions. The main thing to understand is that this is only a period that must be passed with dignity. This is a kind of second transitional age. But life goes on and there is a place for young people, adults and grandparents. Try not to listen to others that 45 years is almost old age. No, this is not old age, for a man of 45-50 years old, this is the second youth, and there is no time for sadness, you have to have time to enjoy life.
• In family relationships, there will also be changes, do not expect that the relationship with your wife will remain the same as 5 years ago. There is no avoiding the fact that the passion is blunted, but there are many options in order to refresh the relationship and bring new fire into them. Buy a ticket and go on a trip with your wife, relax by the sea, go skiing, etc. This is what the crisis is for, to evaluate the past and make the future even more wonderful.
• A man should go in for sports, keep his body in good shape. We all know that mental health and physical health are interrelated. Therefore, moderate exercise and proper nutrition will help maintain overall health in order.
• A man should find a hobby. It can be anything, even collecting radio-controlled toy cars, any activity that a man likes.
• If a man cannot overcome this period on his own, he should consult a doctor. The doctor will help you go through a difficult period, tell you how to survive this stage in life. In especially severe cases, when men lose the meaning of life and become depressed, the doctor may prescribe special medications and a healthy diet for the man in order to return to normal more quickly and painlessly.

Those men who have survived all the turning points of the midlife crisis jokingly say about this time "Gray hair in the head, demon in the rib." But at the same time, they always emphasize that life after 40 years is only the very beginning of an exciting journey called life. The midlife crisis in men is not a reason to be sad, because every new day can bring wonderful moments of joy and a new meaning in life.

Your man entered the age of 35-40 years, and you increasingly began to notice inexplicable changes in his behavior? Do you love your husband, but have completely ceased to understand him? So, it's time to find out what a midlife crisis in men is!

What it is

Psychology has firmly entered everyday life, so the phrase “midlife crisis” today no longer surprises anyone. But few people are aware of the reasons that turn a loving and caring family man either into a selfish teenager, or into an “alpha male”. Having stepped over the threshold of 35 years, a man can suddenly and inexplicably change his worldview, habits and motivation.

The consequences can be very different: from changing jobs to leaving the family. Apathy, depressive states, panic attacks, periodic sprees or hard drinking, the search for a new “love of life”, unmotivated aggression towards family members (especially towards the wife) and other negative changes in behavior complete the picture. The situation is aggravated by the fact that the wife is also going through a midlife crisis at this moment. However, the midlife crisis in women manifests itself in a completely different way, which further exacerbates the situation in the family. Husband and wife no longer understand each other, which often leads to divorce or strong resentment that destroys the family. What can a woman do if she sincerely wants to help her husband overcome his midlife crisis? First of all, learn to recognize its beginning and understand the causes of its occurrence.

Gray hair in a beard...

Psychology considers the midlife crisis in men as an absolutely normal phenomenon. Almost every second man aged 35 to 42 is faced with this phenomenon, but not all of them have it acutely. If during this difficult period of life, a loving and understanding wife turns out to be next to her husband, then such an age crisis does not last very long and does not have devastating consequences for the family. How long can this state last? With a favorable set of circumstances, such a crisis passes in a year and a half.

If a man is faced with misunderstanding or attempts of violent control by his wife, then he may leave the family or begin to show aggression. In this case, the symptoms become more pronounced, and the man simply "indulges in all serious." The crisis is dragging on, and only some out of the ordinary event can resolve it. Therefore, much depends in this situation on the woman. Knowing the causes and the ability to recognize the symptoms of this age crisis in time will help keep the family together and help your loved one survive it.

Bes in the ribs...

How does this age crisis manifest itself in men? What are its reasons? It all depends on the person's personality. Here are some of the most common causes leading to this condition.

The first reason: revision of life attitudes and motivation. The age of 35-40 years is the middle of a person's life. Having reached this age, a man begins to analyze and compare his own and other people's successes and achievements. The realization that life is passing pushes him to sudden changes in behavior. This age is often perceived as the last attempt to "jump into the outgoing train", to do everything that there was neither time nor energy for before. Hence the sudden change of interests, change of place of work and field of activity, passion for extreme sports;

Reason two: fear of impending aging. Not only women are afraid of impending old age. A man begins to notice age-related changes (an emerging tummy, muscle flabbiness, baldness), and this frightens him greatly. Many at this age manifest various chronic diseases, which is also not encouraging. It seems to a person that another couple of years, and he will turn into a useless old man. A man begins to take care of himself intensely, he develops an interest in fashionable clothes, new friends and acquaintances appear, the way of spending free time changes. Sometimes the fear of old age results in panic attacks or hypochondria, and then the man becomes a regular at clinics and medical sites;

Reason three: the first symptoms of erectile dysfunction. Many men after 30 years of age are faced with the initial signs of the extinction of sexual desire. In addition to natural causes, this is greatly facilitated by an unhealthy lifestyle, hormonal changes and environmental conditions. Fear of becoming impotent makes a man pay attention to new sources of arousal. He begins to look at young women, which quite often leads to betrayal. It is important to understand here that the point is not that his own wife has ceased to excite him, but in a fundamental search for new sensations that only a mistress can give. The disclosure by the wife of a love relationship on the side often leads to divorce. According to statistics, most divorces at this age are due to the infidelity of the spouse;

The fourth reason: growing up children. By this age, husband and wife are again together. Children no longer require as much attention and care as they used to. "Now I want to live for myself!" - the man declares and indulges in all serious. This is especially evident in those families where there is no real respect and understanding. When a wife tries to restrict her husband's freedom, he is quite capable of rudeness and aggression towards her;

The fifth reason: changes in the behavior and appearance of the wife. If the spouses are the same age, the situation is aggravated by the midlife crisis in women, which the wife is experiencing. Although it does not manifest itself so clearly and has completely different symptoms, a man cannot help but notice that his wife has become more rigid and strong-willed, trying to command and control him in every possible way. Assessing the appearance of his wife, which changes greatly due to age-related hormonal changes, the husband comes to the conclusion that she has ceased to take care of herself. Reproaches and accusations begin in the direction of the wife, that it is she who is to blame for everything;

The sixth reason: stress and poor adaptation to the existing life situation. Life is full of stresses, and resistance to them decreases every year. The inability to find oneself in life often leads to apathy and depression. A man can begin to abuse alcohol, make new unreliable friends. In a word, he begins to behave like a teenager who cannot find his place in life.

How does it manifest

What can be expected from a person in this age crisis? Psychology knows several options for the possible development of events.

Option one: your man is a successful and strong-willed person. Having crossed the 35-year milestone, he has already managed to achieve a lot in life and start a family. This is where boredom and fear overtakes a man, that everything is behind him. It begins to seem to him that he has already managed to do everything that is possible, and nothing more interesting awaits him. Life flows measuredly and calmly, next to his wife, whom he loves and respects, but, unfortunately, she is no longer as inspiring to exploits as it was in her youth. Work, home, work... and so on every day! There is something to fall into despair! By the way, the midlife crisis in women can also have this reason, it is especially acute in business ladies who have managed to make a career and see a lot.

Bored, the man begins to look around in search of new sensations. In this state, he can make an unexpected decision to change not only the place of work, but also the field of activity in general, or even quit it altogether, deciding to “think more about the soul.” Naturally, such behavior does not find approval from the spouse. But it does not matter, because there are many young girls around who are ready to look at an accomplished and self-confident man with admiration and adoration! And the man does not just go on a spree ... he sincerely falls in love! He needs not so much sex as the feeling that he is needed and irreplaceable. He really wants to feel like a hero again, and his wife knows not only all his advantages, but also his shortcomings. So our “hero” finds a new love for himself, and then leaves the family, or even files for divorce. Another thing is that in a couple of months he may regret his hasty decision, but there is already a new wife nearby and there is no turning back.

Option two: your husband is a good family man and a wonderful person, but does not stand out in anything special. His work is not too monetary, he is not spoiled by female attention, and in general he is not too pretentious in life. In this case, the midlife crisis manifests itself in a different way. There comes a moment in a man's life when he realizes that "everything is passing by" and he will not be able to change much. He becomes depressed, becomes apathetic or, conversely, too anxious. He begins to pay attention to his physical condition, look for symptoms of various diseases. Often this is accompanied by a panic fear of death or the development of an incurable disease. A man tries to explain his state of mind by misunderstanding on the part of his wife, begins to accuse her of all sins. Cheating in this case is quite rare, they are based on the desire of a man to catch up and feel young again.

Naturally, neither the first nor the second scenario is suitable for a loving wife. How to be? What can a wife do if her husband is going through a similar age crisis?

To understand and to forgive

First of all, be patient. Sooner or later, your husband will return to the person you once loved. And now your task is to help him pass this life test. The advice of psychologists can help with this:

1. Become your husband's friend. Your man, more than ever, needs understanding. Help him talk, encourage conversations about his inner experiences. Support him in every possible way and inspire optimism. Make it clear that you accept him by anyone, do not forget to talk about your love for him;
2. In no case do not become a "mom"! Attempts to control or nurture a husband can lead to the fact that he begins to behave aggressively or even leave the family! Your task is to support it, not solve all the problems!
3. Take care of yourself! The midlife crisis in women that you are experiencing at this moment requires your attention no less than the problems of your husband. Take a critical look at your appearance and think about what you can change about it. Take care of your health. Find yourself a new hobby and go out more often. Your task is to become interesting to your husband again, and for this you need to constantly develop, both spiritually and physically.
(Votes: 1, 5.00 out of 5)

Men's life - "tears invisible to the world." Painful crises of self-identification flow one into another throughout life. The search for meaning at every stage of life plunges a man into a state of confusion and aggressiveness. How to help your man? The well-known psychologist and radio host Elena Novoselova argues.

A person can laugh at the notorious "midlife crisis", consider it the lot of weaklings and losers or the invention of psychologists - but you never know what else ... But exactly until one morning he wakes up irritated, with heaviness in his chest and incomprehensible longing . And he doesn’t get lost with this feeling for several months, until, finally, he realizes that he was “covered” and something needs to be done about it. This is at best. More often, the situation is much sadder: troubles in the family, difficulties at work, flight into alcohol or the search for new love relationships as a panacea for troubles...

Unfortunately or fortunately, a person goes through several turning points in his life, experiencing them painfully and hard. Problems arise out of the blue, out of the blue. Yesterday, a person was full of plans, prospects, he knew why he lives and works. And today everything has become meaningless. It’s not clear why you should give all your best at work, it’s boring to spend the weekend with your family, you want to burrow into a hole and not see anyone. And all this - out of the blue, for no apparent reason. This condition is called an identity crisis.

He matured, which means he began to be afraid at the dentist not of pain, but of bills.

A person is arranged in such a way that his personality grows through a sinusoid of crisis states, and not smoothly and upwards. Crises are like the birth of oneself, and being born is always painful and risky. It seems to me that we live not one, but several lives. In each of them, of course, the same personality acts, with its own emotional, behavioral and logical structure. But the content, the way of thinking and feeling, the alignment of values ​​change in the course of development, that is, the change of "lives", very significantly. And this, in turn, changes the person's perception of reality and himself in it. This means that the way of life is changing. This is connected, in my deep conviction, not with age-related changes, but with how a person survived his crises, how he was "born again." Failed and despaired - there will be one result. He successfully passed the test, built new values ​​inside himself, fell in love with them - that means he became wiser, matured, fell in love with life and began to appreciate it more. He began to treat many things more condescendingly, including himself.

In psychology, it is customary to associate personality crises with hormonal changes, with sexual life, with decreasing male potency and female menopause. This, of course, has its reasons. But no less important and significant for a person are the search for the meaning of existence. And not in a high philosophical meaning, forcing you to look for answers to "damned questions", but in the daily saturation of your day with these very meanings. The meaninglessness of living life day after day leads to depression, deprives of joy and pleasure.

Identity crises don't just come with age. There is a crisis of achievement that can manifest itself both along with the crisis of the thirties, and in the "fatal forties". And also the crisis of an empty nest, characteristic of experiences at fifty. I would not distribute crises either by age or by situation. In my opinion, a crisis can occur both with burdens and without them. It still hurts the person. It still bugs him!

I say "man" and "he" for a reason and not because I have not met with similar experiences in women. Of course they happen. But not with such regularity and tragedy, as in men. Until men started talking about it, for a long time I believed that the periods of personality development in men and women follow the same sinusoid. I had no idea that where a woman has a "pit", a man has an "abyss". And this has its reasons.

Background

About the crisis of identification, the crisis of midlife, they began to talk with or without reason relatively recently. Twenty or thirty years ago, no one had heard of him. This does not mean that before people did not experience, did not look for themselves, did not feel inexplicable longing and disappointment. Of course it was all. Everyone remembers the film "Flights in a dream and in reality", in which the hero of Oleg Yankovsky toiled between love and duty, the desire for the significance of his own life and the nonsense of existence. The style and atmosphere of Roman Balayan's wonderful tape breathes the crisis of the protagonist. To say that crisis states are only a sign of our time is wrong and frivolous. I think that men's crises in our time are exacerbated by many factors: the loss of a leading position in society, strict criteria for success, the loss of priorities.

Midlife crisis in men - when a mistress is no different from a wife ...

It is generally accepted that the myths about the heroes of the times of the birth of our civilization reflected the ideas of the ancients about agricultural cycles and astronomical observations. In my opinion, there is another hidden meaning in them: the development of personality, the achievement of new, previously unknown limits.

The heroes of ancient myths, whether Osiris, Balu, Adonis, Attis or Dionysus, come into conflict, which is caused by an encroachment on their well-being. The enemy belongs, as a rule, to the supernatural world. The hero dies, that is, leaves the ordinary world, fights otherworldly forces, defeats them, or takes possession of the object he needs to restore his well-being. The death of the Hero is accompanied by the fading of nature, depression and barrenness, sadness and anxiety. The return and resurrection of the Hero is the resurrection of life, the triumph of victory over darkness. In myths, this event is associated with the spring revival of nature, novelty and promises of well-being. The rebirth of life itself. The gospel story about the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ also tells about this.

Are not the stories of mythological heroes a vivid allegorical description of the state of a man in a period of crisis? Maybe the ancients knew about this cyclicity and conveyed to us the idea of ​​human development in a poetic form?

Speaking of a personality crisis, we mean a man to a greater extent, and a woman much less. Not only is the male personality crisis going brighter and harder, but it is also almost unbearable for others, since it is often destructive. Male hopelessness and apathy, which arose for no apparent reason, frightens women, they begin to conjecture the non-existent: "Changes, fell out of love ..." - and further in the text. Paranoid surveillance begins, nervous conversations, suspicions. In short - the end of a quiet family life!

A man experiences such conditions several times during his life.

Thirtieth Anniversary Crossing

The male crisis of thirty is like a two-faced Janus.

One of his "heads" looks into the past, evaluating what has been done and achieved. And as a rule, there, in the past, almost everything is not as it should be. There is a very accurate anecdote: “If you didn’t have a bicycle as a child, and now you have a jeep, you still didn’t have a bicycle as a child.”

Midlife crisis: old age is approaching, but there is still no Lexus.

The second head looks to the future and asks with horror: "Is that all? Now it's just a repetition? No sharp feelings? Life is over and all the fun is over?" The soul of a man protests and demands change. Thoughts rush about from changing families to moving to another country. Most often, a man decides to change jobs or activities. He may sharply want to get a new education, go into business from a well-paid position. He can turn quite cool, sometimes not paying attention to the reasonable arguments of his wife and friends. Or he may suddenly become addicted to competitive or extreme sports. After all, at this age, nothing is too late, all roads are still open ...

A man at this age is so drawn to exploits and the search for strong emotions, the same notorious phallic aspect of his life. A man needs bright victories. And fast and with honors. He longs to realize his own childhood and youthful dreams of heroism, a vibrant life, independence and adventure. Maybe you can still catch up with childhood? Well, unless he is unlikely to become an astronaut! And then, who knows...

The crisis of the thirtieth birthday, of course, does not come on a birthday, exactly on the clock. It can occur in the range of 28 to 34 years. And it proceeds in different ways, depending on the luggage with which a person reached the first peak.

Paradoxically, but the richer the luggage, the stronger the man is covered. If by the age of thirty he has been married for a long time and tightly, has children, a permanent job with a stable income, then the feeling of hopelessness and longing is especially acute, since the crisis of achievement is added to the crisis of revaluation. The man studied, worked, made a nest ... It seemed to him: just a little more (a little, and it will be possible to relax. He thought: "Here I will buy an apartment, and we will live ... Here I will become a leader, and it will be possible to live more calmly ... Here the children will grow up a little, it will become easier. "The apartment is bought, the position is won, the children have grown up, and what's next? Solid deja vu? Now everything will go according to a pre-planned scenario: winter vacation, summer vacation, and work in a circle between them. And no surprises "And no dreams! No bright emotions! It remains only to live... Unbearable."

What's behind? Yes, everything is also on the "C grade", as with a bicycle: sheer regrets and fantasies: "But if I then ..." But this is only suffering for the unfulfilled. And in my head it knocks: "Never, never, never..." Being becomes meaningless. If dreams of bright emotions, a happy joyful family, big victories are only an illusion, and life is worries, responsibility and duty, then why live for? For the sake of gray everyday life, repeating like a bad dream? ..

In these difficult times, the stereotype learned in youth often works. New love will bring flight and the desire to move forward. Fresh feelings for a woman, like living water, will wash the soul, return joy. This means that life will again find meaning and fullness.

Such a train of thought leads a man to the saddest consequences. A crisis is a deeply personal, personal event, little dependent on other people. It happens to a man not because his wife turned out to be a witch, and the work turned into a routine. But because the time has come for him to rethink himself, his goals and values. If a person does not solve them in an established family life, then transfer untouched problems into new relationships. And in a year or two everything will repeat from the beginning, but it will be even harder - the person will feel empty.

So it makes no sense to resolve internal conflicts by changing external factors.

The most effective and safest way to get through this period is to grow professionally and learn. Concentrate on your own and only your personal tasks, find new goals, go beyond the pessimistic "never". Don't be afraid to be selfish. This is a short period of concentration only on yourself. It will end, but everyone will remain intact.

The first crisis can go more or less smoothly and push a person to development. As experience shows, the crisis is easier if:

1. The man married after twenty-five, avoiding early marriage.
2. The man has the prospect of career growth, and the maximum has not yet been reached.
3. He has not stopped developing, he wants to change further, and his ambitions are quite high.
4. He will risk bringing something new, special, but not destroying the family into his life.
5. He realizes that a new wife or mistress will not save him from a personal crisis.

Longing can overcome a person even under these favorable conditions. But he will create his future, not destroy the present. A successful exit from the crisis is characterized by a sense of confidence, new clear goals, responsibility for oneself and the family.

Opening prospects return to a person the excitement and joy of life. The identity crisis is over! The crisis of thirty years is not so typical for a woman - at this time she actively resolves her problems. Its revaluation is associated with completely different achievements. Despite equal training and education, boys and girls are almost always set up for different lives. For the girl, as it was, and remains one of the main life tasks - to create a family and give birth to children. Even if a woman makes a brilliant career and postpones this process for the time being. If a woman has fulfilled her program at least by the age of thirty, that is, she has established herself professionally, she has a good husband and has a child, then the crisis will pass her by. She does not have the question "What's next?". The road is more or less clear. Women's nature is in harmony with the social role.

Discussion

I'm a man, I'm 33, it started to cover at 32, it's been going on for half a year, it's covering in full .. I drink antidepressants and I can't get off of them. Without them, from longing, I want to do something with myself ..
How much more to endure? When will he finally let go, people?

ahh we're all gonna die

That's right, it's about family and family relationships. Men are experiencing much harder than us women, family strife. But they can't do anything, but we can. And our defiant postures will not help us understand each other.

Men have crises, and women endure them all their lives?! .. There was an excuse for the "strong" sex))

here Alt at one time was much more concise.

Or maybe him - confused and aggressive. you can always find someone who is not confused and not aggressive. Why waste so much effort. Construction is much more efficient than restructuring.

Why isn't it in the Men's Club conference?

touches "to be continued" ...)))

judging by the photo, or just received in the eye. or teeth hurt

oh my god ... a set of stamps ... the limit of men's dreams and the measure of success - "Lexus" ...

editorial selection is awesome...

Comment on the article "Midlife crisis in men: how to save a marriage"

Symptoms of a midlife crisis in men. Midlife crisis at 40. And one more thing: if in women menopause mainly occurs at the same age (52-55 years), then the level of testosterone in the body of men decreases in different ways: it can begin at 45 years (in ...

Discussion

If you don’t want to, don’t live. Everyone makes a choice how to live and how to end his life.
We got such prosperous well-fed healthy bored aunts.
There are a lot of people who have no choice, and life due to illness is limited to a few years.
And they don't whine about a cold husband and stupid kids.
It's all secondary

Dear author. You are still doing well. Feelings have cooled, the husband has cooled off, and you have cooled off. But something connects you? So there is hope. I had the same, almost. But she endured. Dissolved in the family. When the son grew up and began to live separately - in her husband. Spoiled like a child. She endured drunkenness. She took me on trips. Supported, instilled confidence .... Waiting for rare moments when he smiles, hugs. And then the husband said that he wanted to live alone. He just said without explanation. He said that even behind the wall in the apartment it was hard for him with me. I tried to explain myself, I don’t make contact, I repel hugs, I see that I disgust him. And so half a year already. We live in the same apartment. Two strangers. We do not talk, we close in the rooms. And they have been married for 25 years. I cry, I suffer, I try to speak, I cook, I clean up, but I understand that if I suddenly disappeared from his life, he would be immensely happy. Sometimes such anguish finds, but I never thought that I didn’t want to live. I won't make him happy! I would very much like to go to adultery, but it's so disgusting, so disgusting in my soul. If a loved one brought so much grief, then what to expect from the first comer? I think with horror about cold rainy evenings, like today, about lonely old age, illnesses. But I still love life and believe in its hidden meaning.

Symptoms of a midlife crisis in men. Middle age crisis? My husband and I have been together for 15 years. I am 35, he is 40. We have a long-awaited 5-year-old child. listen .. this is a different situation .. this is not a situation when a man tears his roof from the desire of another woman ...

Discussion

So, to walk and fall in piles, there will be no more. But, you know, and well, less problems.
For sex, the young is not a problem to find. Not such a big difference in appearance, no matter what they say. But I tried to live with this ... it's hard. I want relationships that are not tied to sex and domestic plans (as in my youth), but banal peace and will. To have a good friend nearby, partner. Here are the problems with this. It is hardly possible to find a "gtovoy" friend and husband at this age. So, if marriage has not grown together by 45, then this is a diagnosis. Sex will be as long as necessary. Even marriage will be called more than once (if the sex is good). But you won't go on your own.

Yes, do not lose heart, every age has its advantages. For example, at 50, one 45-year-old whipped me, asked a friend for a house phone and called, I refused to meet, then my husband told him on the phone. a couple of affectionate, only then lagged behind, so it's not so bad at 50

Midlife crisis: when a man destroys everything. What to do? At that time, this crisis began for me from the age of 16 until now.

Discussion

I'm a little older than you. I share my own, very recent experience. I was covered in the same way this fall, although my favorite job (apparently, professional burnout), and golden children, and everything is calm in family life.

I decided to act like this: I have been working with my head all my life, now I will work with my hands for a change. I remembered that 30 years ago my grandmother taught me to knit, took the book "Housekeeping", which was left from my grandmother, and refreshed my knowledge. I found a blouse model and literally began to devote every free minute to knitting.

At first it was very difficult, I disbanded the already connected ranks several times, but, oddly enough, it was this struggle with difficulties that distracted me from heavy thoughts. And when it started to turn out, it gave me strength: I can create a beautiful thing. I bought more books on knitting and improved my work so that now it's a pleasure to look at.

Little by little, I decided to aim for more: the blouse began to turn into a dress. And my hands were already moving mechanically, and it became boring for me to knit looking only at the knitting needles. I began to download various films that are considered masterpieces of world cinema, but which I somehow had no time to watch before, and knitted, looking at the screen with one eye. I got a lot of emotions from watching a really great movie.

Long sitting behind the knitting needles began to strain my back, and I drove myself into the pool, where I began to walk with pleasure and lose weight. In the meantime, the state of health was getting better and better - both psychological and physical. For the dress, which will soon be ready, the whole family began to respect me in a new way. And I was so carried away by working with wool that I signed up for art felting courses and am going to make jewelry and clothes for myself. And if my products ever manage to monetize! ..

This is just one of the possible recipes, but in my case it really worked. I want you to find yours too!

Get involved in community work. Do not want? Well, okay, live on as you want.

The situation is standard - my husband has a midlife crisis, depression, a new love, money appeared. I also did not work for almost 4 years, I just went to work, and then he began to have a crisis - do not think about tomorrow, about what kind of man you want see around...

Discussion

But these tips are only if you really love him and want him back.
If not .... cry, swell, survive and move on.
If you need details of behavior and strategies for returning your husband, write in a personal, I will answer

I was in your situation seven years ago. I only have one child. My son was then 4 years old, and we were both 30 years old. Then I didn’t work for almost 4 years either, I just went to work, and then a crisis began for him - he didn’t live like that, with the wrong ones, with the wrong life, and so on. It turned out that he has "an unearthly, strong love that he has been looking for all his life and with which they are like two halves in life." To clarify, I also want to say that just then my husband started to earn good money, went uphill, we bought a large apartment, completed repairs there, my husband bought a new car. Of course, he said that she didn’t need his money, she herself earns a lot, and she is with him solely because of her feelings. At first, when I was very worried, I cried, he was like a sad knight, he told me, no one is to blame for anything , it just happened. He said that he would leave the apartment to me and the child, would not share or take anything, and would pay good alimony. Then I didn’t need anything myself, I didn’t think about sharing at all, since my friend found a good lawyer and just kicked him. The lawyer then said, do not waste time, we must begin to draw up documents. But))) I gave a reverse move, my husband began to say that he might come back. In less than two months, everything turned upside down. My husband completely refused to leave us an apartment, he said, at most an old odnushka, otherwise you won’t get anything, alimony is only from the official salary. Send threats, blackmail. I, too, then thought of a slander and the evil eye, etc.))) He lost a lot of weight, I threw off 10 kilos in a month. I want to tell you, you don’t need to return it, you still need to think about how you will continue to live. You never know what he now says and promises. This divorce gave me a strong kick in the ass - I changed my profession, learned to drive a car. I hope only for myself. What is he? Well, of course, there was a lot to do with money. He now has no apartment, no car, no good business. All this time, everything that he acquired was registered with her parents. For the last two years, from mutual acquaintances, I began to hear his complaints about his current life and talk about how he regrets that he did this then.
Let your husband go, well, let him go, let him live as he wants, since he wants to. There are no slander, no evil eye. There is only a banal spermotoxicosis))) But all the same, as long as he agrees, formalize the division of property. Then it will definitely be too late.

Middle age crisis. Does it only happen to men? Or women too? We bought sweets for the kids yesterday. I didn't even try one. Section: Wife and husband (37 male wicked rough midlife crisis). At that time, this crisis began for me from the age of 16 until now.

Discussion

Sorry, if not quite "at the box office", I came across a text about a midlife crisis more applicable to women ...
And, however, I think you can learn something from here:
"In general, a midlife crisis is the norm. No one will pass. It's just that intellectually developed people experience it more clearly. If you dig well, any human fear is the fear of death. But in youth, we believe that time is endless, and we spend it left and right. And suddenly, at some point, you clearly understand: life is finite and you need to somehow justify your existence, find exactly your goal, your Purpose.I woke up with this thought at the age of 35 at three in the morning.
So, banal physiology, multiplied by "extra" brains. But since I have them, it is worth using them and abusing official powers in order to figure out how to survive the crisis with less loss and more benefit.
- What then to do if you are already "covered"?
Many people change their lives at this moment. Unexpected divorces, job or status changes are often outward signs of a midlife crisis. Such "throws" should not be considered a panacea. But think about it - is that what you are doing? - costs. As well as to resolve the accumulated problems with loved ones. Everyone has their own story of disappointment. So that this load does not hang, repay debts. The easiest way is to meet the people who hold you back the most - whether they hurt us or we hurt them."
http://love.behappy.ru/documents/kriz

At that time, this crisis began for me from the age of 16 until now. Anyway, there is always someone more successful. try to restore his self-confidence by visual comparisons. Go to rest in some backwoods, where people don’t even dream about a car, just to earn a piece of bread. and no canaries

This is a painful condition associated with age-related decline in free testosterone levels. By the way, a very dangerous condition, because against the background of a hormonal shift in men, the risk of heart attacks and strokes increases tenfold. The period from 38 to 52 years is considered especially dangerous, then testosterone levels return to normal.
A decrease in testosterone is manifested, by the way, not only and not so much in a decrease in potency (it just may not be reflected in it), but in a depressed state, nervous breakdowns, weight gain ...
I got all this from my long-standing interview with a good andrologist doctor ...
But this can be treated with testosterone preparations, such as Andriol, and there are several more - but here it is necessary that the doctor prescribe ...