"Everyone can fail" - essay. Is it worth it to see a psychotherapist? Decent behavior of book characters

Experiencing defeat in sports

Defeat, loss, significant failure are some of the basic experiences of a person. Situations that provoke corresponding experiences occur in any activity throughout life, and therefore attitude towards failure is important characteristic personalities, defines behavior person in many situations. The attitude towards failure is formed in the process of experiencing a significant defeat. In the practice of sports, there is often a situation when, when an athlete is defeated, others insist on reducing the depth of his experience: “Don't worry, this is nonsense!”.

Such a position may perniciously affect personal experience athlete, especially a child. The situation needs to be experienced emotionally and extract the experience that will make a person stronger (more mature). You can extract a full-fledged experience if you include an emotional experience. Just a rational assessment of the situation does not give this experience.

An athlete needs from 2-3 to 48 hours to independently experience the situation of lost competitions, should be allowed to feel the grief of defeat, the collapse of everything, the state of hopelessness.
On one's own- for someone in general alone, for others - in the presence of a person who understands, but does not try to influence the intensity and depth of the experience, does not try to reduce the significance of what happened. This is the time when a person psychologically processes the situation.

After that, you can offer the following tasks, aimed at conscious processing of the situation of defeat.

1. It is necessary to determine that in this speech it was done well, it turned out, despite the negative final result. It must be understood that all assessments are relative, and the assessment “everything is bad” is nothing more than a “prism” of perception, the result of perception from a certain angle. Finding the good, the positive, in any bad performance provides a source of motivation and strength to overcome. “If at least I’m good at this, then I can do more (in principle, more is possible).” Increasing self-esteem by highlighting good moments should be specific, based on real actions or facts.

2. The next step is to name 1-2 specific problems, which are on this moment most hinder to perform better. These are the points of application of forces in the upcoming period of preparation (what needs to be changed), for example, set two tasks to work on yourself: one is a priority, the second is additional (next, background, spare) in case the work on the first task fails . It’s not worth highlighting more at the same time, working on many tasks at once is psychologically difficult and does not contribute to increasing confidence.

3. Eliminate the use of the word "unlucky". Its use is the first step to the next loss, the result of the fact that a person subconsciously does not want or is not accustomed to analyze the situation and look for the reasons for his failures in himself. This means that finding a mistake will lead to the recognition of something unpleasant, unusual for a person, and he defends himself with the word "unlucky." A person who is “unlucky” will not change anything in himself, but will simply wait for the next competition, where, perhaps, he will be more lucky. There are always mistakes in any speech.

Example: “What could I have done to avoid this situation? And what didn't I do? What was not taken into account? What in my preparation for the competition led me to such an accident? Even if this is objectively debatable, it is still useful to have the attitude: “There are no accidents in sports at all.”

Example: “If I lost, then it means that I made mistakes. If the opponent won, then it means that he had fewer mistakes.

In practice, there are situations when an athlete loses several competitions in a row, and at the same time neither the athlete nor the coach changes anything in preparing for the competition, in their behavior. (Without thinking about the fact that if you do everything the same as always, then it will turn out, the same as always.) As a rule, the athlete and the coach have some suspicions about the reasons for the failures, maybe he does not consider them justified or refuses to admit it to himself. Such assumptions must be made, if only to be refuted.

4. A paradoxical but justified step is the task develop a clear plan of action (constructive) in case of defeat, "what will I do if I lose again." For example, what I will try to change in my behavior and my preparation. Uncertainty (fear of the unknown) is removed, which reduces the possible fear of failure and increases confidence in the possibility of solving the problem. To avoid defeat in some cases, you must first accept the fact of its possibility. In order for this task not to be a setting for defeat, it is necessary to develop a plan not for the defeat itself, but for actions after a possible defeat.

5. Cultivate the psychological acceptance of a mistake, setting the fact that the error and its selection are necessary for development. Having made mistakes does not mean incapable, everyone makes mistakes, this does not say anything about the personality and abilities in general. Recognition of one's mistakes should not become something to be ashamed of for an athlete, this is an occasion to work, and it's good that there is something to do. Now, if there are no mistakes, this threatens to stop creative growth and development, if you don’t set yourself more difficult task. The following questions need to be asked.

Example: “What needs to be worked on? What is stopping you from reaching your goal? What do I do when I find a mistake?

Effective experience of defeat leads to the fact that the athlete, getting the experience of getting out of the "field of hopelessness" negative emotions”, ceases to be afraid of them, ceases to be afraid of defeat, which leads him to greater mental and motor freedom and significantly increases the likelihood of victory, while the unsurmounted and “unlived” fear of defeat fetters the athlete, puts him into a stupor, the person ceases to objectively and timely assess the situation. An athlete who is afraid of losing, diverts his attention to this fear, thinks about how not to lose, i.e. thinks about actions that should not be done, as a result of which he does precisely these actions.

Because they were the focus of his attention, even if they were marked with a "NOT" sign. There is no room for technically correct and winning actions in the field of attention. Subjectively, defeat is not necessarily actually occupied place in the results sheet. The experience depends on what the athlete himself was counting on. In some situations, penultimate place can be an encouraging success, and in others, second place is subjectively tantamount to defeat.

Evgenia TIKHVINSKAYA

Sports psychology: trauma - a tragedy or a reason to think?

“Missed the competition due to injury”, “did not have time to recover ...”, “season down the drain”, “completed sports career due to injury." How often do we hear these words from athletes themselves? different levels, coaches, television commentators, and how rarely do we think about true sense of these words. How little we know about the causes of injuries and their consequences. How much they hurt not only the body, but also the soul of the athlete ...

For example, figure skating is among the top ten most traumatic sports. And the reason for this is not only the ever-increasing technical complexity. Features of the sport itself, which requires the simultaneous demonstration of high accuracy of movements in combination with the expressiveness and emotionality of skating, subjective assessment of the performance, high price plucked element, create additional stress on the figure skater's psyche.

Traditionally, the main causes of injury are considered to be physical factors, such as muscle imbalance, falls during the performance of elements, collisions at high speed, overtraining, physical overwork, etc. But few people think about the psychological component of traumas, which play by no means the last role.

The reality of today's sport is such that, coming to the rink at the age of 4-5 "for health", a young skater (and a representative of any other sport) involuntarily joins in the pursuit of results. And sadly, in addition to a demanding coach, there is a certain category of parents who diligently make a “star” out of their child. The child is taught that he must conquer, achieve, win ..., thereby driving him into a neurotic state. A skater set up in this way enters the ice with a sense of fear, afraid of not meeting the expectations of a coach or parents. He is in constant nervous and, as a result, muscle tension, which is one of the main sources of injury.

As sportsmanship matures and grows, everyday and personal problems begin to be added to the above stressors. IN adolescence physical exercise figure skater increase many times. In addition, this age is a period of high mental stress, because. the “sense of adulthood” that is being formed here constantly pushes the teenager to self-affirmation, and he still does not have enough opportunities and skills for this. Hence its conflict and inconsistency.

At first glance, it may seem strange, but it is conflicts, both interpersonal and intrapersonal, that are the most important psychological factor that increases the likelihood of sports injuries. Tensions with a coach, partner, parents directly affect the concentration and composure of an athlete on the ice. Intrapersonal conflict is complicated by the fact that it is most often not noticeable to others, which makes it difficult to resolve. For example, an athlete faces a choice: end his sports career or continue. In this case, all his thoughts are occupied with weighing the pros and cons, attention is scattered, nervous tension is transferred to the muscles, the body "stops obeying" and ... Thus, internal conflict resolved by trauma. In a situation where the injury is not severe, the athlete gets a pause to rest and think. In the event of a serious injury, he is forced to end his career, then the dilemma is resolved by itself.

When reaching the level of the highest sportsmanship, an athlete, as a rule, is faced with an exacerbation of already chronic, untreated injuries. In sports, there are rare cases when a person has the opportunity to recover until a full recovery. There are many reasons for this, ranging from high level motivation, ending with pressure from the inner circle. Non-recovery, both physical and psychological, entails the fear of recurrence of the trauma. Uncertainty appears, especially before the element, during the execution of which the damage was received. Uncertainty coupled with negative thoughts and disturbances muscle tone, sadly, again leads to injury.

How does sports psychology explain why the above stressful situations cause injury? First, the feeling of "threat" leads to increased levels of anxiety. Which in turn causes whole line changes in concentration. It also reduces the ability to analyze the situation. And, finally, a violation of concentration of attention forces the athlete to pay attention to extraneous objects, to allow thoughts that are not directly related to the case.

Secondly, an increase in the level of anxiety leads to an increase muscle tension and disrupts coordination, movements become constrained, “braking” appears when perceiving information. In this case, from the athlete you can hear such phrases as “the body does not obey”, “wooden legs”. All of these increase the risk of injury.

Injury is a serious test of an athlete's willpower. How a person reacts to trauma depends more on their individual features: a serious injury can be tolerated quite easily by one athlete and not have negative consequences. Whereas for another, even a small injury is a whole tragedy.

The most typical, "normal" reaction of most people to trauma is the reaction of grief, which includes several stages. Immediately after the incident, the person does not believe in what happened, tries to deny the very fact of the injury. Then, after awareness, the second stage begins - the stage of anger, when the athlete begins to scold and blame himself and others. Next comes the deal. For example, an athlete may promise that if he is "lucky" to recover quickly, he will warm up more thoroughly, train harder, become more attentive, etc. At the fourth stage, there is a full awareness of the fact of trauma and its consequences. This stage is dangerous with the possibility of the appearance of depressive moods. The fifth phase is the acceptance phase, when the athlete comes out of depression and is ready to focus his energy on rehabilitation and return to physical activity.

The speed of passing through all five stages can vary from 1-2 days to several months, depending on the individual characteristics of the person. These are mandatory stages that every injured athlete goes through, only their duration can be different. But sometimes trauma is accompanied by extremely negative psychological consequences, such as irritability, depression, increased levels of fear and anxiety. The skater worries about whether he will be able to recover, whether he will not get re-injured. A decrease in self-confidence can lead to a decrease in motivation, a drop in self-esteem. In an injured athlete, intrapersonal conflicts become aggravated, an uncontrolled invasion of obsessive thoughts about a traumatic situation may occur. However, with the help of certain psycho-corrective influences, it is possible to shorten the time for passing through these stages, mobilize the athlete, prevent the development of a pathological reaction, preventing him from getting hung up on his misfortune.

Trauma is always a stop, it is a time of doubt, fear, reassessment of reality. However, it is during this period that a new strategy for the preparation and behavior of a skater in competitions can be developed. A forced pause can both give an impetus to the transition to the next stage in the development of sportsmanship, and nullify the efforts and achievements of past years. A coach always has the opportunity to help his athlete emerge victorious from this crisis. Regardless of whether the symptoms of a “negative” reaction have appeared, the coach needs to apply some methods of psycho-corrective influence. True, it is first necessary to soberly assess whether he will be able to influence the athlete on his own or whether the help of a specialist will be required.

Unfortunately, sport is always associated with injuries. However, this is not a reason to get depressed and give up on yourself. Trauma is an experience, a very important experience of overcoming pain, fears, doubts. Use this time to reflect on what needs to be changed in your life that led to the trauma and thereby protect yourself from such troubles. After all, an injury is not a tragedy, but an occasion to think!

Maria KRASILTSEVA

We decided to start a new section, within which once a week psychologist-consultant Konstantin Karakutsa will answer questions that concern us. The first issue is devoted to a problem from the field male psychology- how to survive the loss of your favorite team. The season in most championships has already begun or is about to begin, so we believe our material will come in handy.

How to survive the defeat of your favorite football team?

The answer is simple. Get drunk with friends beer. Go look for the fans of the other team to fill their faces. Return "on the horns" home and make a scandal there for your loved one? Wake up in the morning, go to work or study, and there all day long and tell everyone about what kind of failure you experienced yesterday and how angry you are at the whole world. A familiar picture? Now, jokes aside, let's try to think about this topic more seriously.

Why is it so hard to deal with defeat? Well in more it is connected with the process of identification, namely, with the identification of oneself with the group. When a person deeply sympathizes with some football team, he can seem to dissolve in what is happening to his pets. There is no more Vasya from the fifth floor, who studies economics and plays the guitar. All this is unimportant. Now attention is occupied by what is happening on the field. And a goal scored in "our" gate is perceived as a personal defeat. This goal was not scored hundreds and thousands of kilometers away. No. This goal is scored right here in my kitchen, against my goal. And I'm ready to bite my elbows from annoyance that I missed this ball.

This identification with your favorite team can be enhanced when you are in the stadium or watching a football broadcast in a sports bar with big amount other fans. In this case, special group processes begin, which are very difficult to resist. Waves of feelings and emotions can overwhelm you. That is why people gather in places like this. But it's one thing when the team won and this whole crowd is infected with feelings of stormy fun and euphoria. Another thing is when there are losses. Here's how it goes. Either everyone will complain to each other and seek solace from a neighbor, looking for the perpetrators of the defeat, or, in a fit of collective violence, they will begin to throw out annoyance at the first person who comes to hand.

This goal was not scored hundreds and thousands of kilometers away.
No. This goal is scored right here in my kitchen, against my goal.
And I'm ready to bite my elbows from annoyance that I missed this ball.

A little about aggression. Violence is often the result of powerlessness. When a person is faced with something that he cannot influence, or when he feels cornered, a beast can wake up in him, which is ready to tear and throw, destroying everything in its path. So, back to the topic of losing. If the team we love loses, there is nothing we can do about it, and in connection with this, a feeling of powerlessness may appear in the soul. It is all the more acute, the more you have merged together with the team you support. There are two ways to help yourself get through this defeat.

First, you can try to bring yourself back from heaven to earth. You need to remember who you are, why and why. For example, it could look like this: “Yes, they lost, but my life does not end there. Actually, I have a lot of other things in life, there is a study (work) where I can succeed and feel satisfied. I have a loved one (and if not, then there is an opportunity and desire to meet him). I have many other tasks in life that are now in front of me (buy a car, an apartment, go on a trip, etc.). All this requires strength from me, and by solving these problems, I can feel like a winner in my life. The idea here is simple - to help yourself return to your own life without getting stuck in virtual world with which you are not directly connected.

And the second option is to find this connection with the world of the game, the world of football. What is meant? For example, the team lost, and you feel annoyed, do not know where to put yourself, your strength and energy. Here it is useful to ask yourself a couple of simple questions: how can I personally help my team now, what can I do for it?

The answers to these questions may vary. It all depends on your abilities and creative imagination. For example, you could support and develop a fan club where you live; could organize some events or promotions on the Internet that would somehow help your team; or, for example, they would give ten good and expensive balls to the football club located near you (in order to support Russian football and its development in the future). There may be many options. When you direct your energy into a specific action and strive to do something so that your team wins in the future, this can bring you satisfaction, giving you the feeling that you, albeit not so much, but still influence the result. Agree, this is better than doing nothing, but only getting angry or suffering from defeat.

I'm not really into "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" pop psychology. But I read this text and realized that the time has come to close this gap in education. Thanks to Thomas Mensinger of Active.com, I finally understand why so many tennis players say the same thing in post-match interviews (especially after losses).

"Have you ever experienced a hard defeat in a tennis match, after which it was difficult for you to regain your confidence and lost the desire to fight and work towards your goal?

It can happen to anyone, and Roger Federer - excellent to that example.

At first he lost the finals of Roland Garros to Rafael Nadal - he had no chance there. But when he lost again at his beloved Wimbledon in the most stubborn final, he really hurt.

Remember - after that Roger lost to Gilles Simon, Ivo Karlovic and James Blake? In none of these matches he showed his best game.

So what should you do if you are struggling with a painful defeat?

Everyone loses important matches sooner or later.

Even the greatest players are vulnerable. Let's look at a few examples.

Before winning the first Grand Slam tournament, Ivan Lendl lost four finals. As a result, he took 8 titles in 19 finals. One of the most painful was the loss to Pat Cash in the Wimbledon final - the only Slam that Lendl never conquered. But other losses, of course, were also very offensive. Andre Agassi lost three TBS finals before winning his first title at Wimbledon. Two defeats were very offensive. First there was the first Roland Garros final against Andres Gomez, in which Agassi was the undisputed favorite - after all, Gomez was 30. And then the second final against Jim Courier, in which Agassi led 2: 1 in sets and kept Courier in defense, but intervened the rain helped Courier recover, find a winning strategy and win in five games.

Probably the best netman in history, Patrick Rafter, lost the Wimbledon final to Goran Ivanisevic. And while it was nice to see the Croatian win Wimbledon (he had lost three finals before!), it must have been very painful for Rafter not to win the tournament most suited to his serve-and-volley style of Wimbledon.

If you are not too lazy and study the careers of top players, it will undoubtedly become clear that they all experienced serious defeats. It was the players who stayed at the top because they managed to recover.

The sting of defeat can be removed by constantly reminding yourself that losing is part of the game, something to be accepted and left behind. It’s not defeats that prevent you from being on top, but a negative reaction to them that gets stuck in your mind and beats your confidence.

Allow yourself to feel the pain, fully experience the emotions associated with defeat, and then regroup. Think back to what you achieved before losing and think about how you can be successful again.

Defeats affect psychology, not skills and abilities

After a big defeat, you can feel oppressed and terribly disappointed. You might even think that after such a loss you will no longer be able to show good game. But if you think logically, it becomes quite clear that physical and technical skills have not changed. You are still able to do the same things that you did before the defeat, the same things that have already helped you win other matches.

Defeat can be due to incorrect tactics, bad luck, the opponent's incredible game and many other factors that affect the outcome of a tennis match. But defeat cannot take away your skills. You are still capable of the same level of play.

No logic can prove that today's defeat cancels future victories. If it seems to you that defeat has affected your skills, it is only because you think so. Only you yourself can lower the level of your game with negativity and illogical certainty that now something is wrong with you.

The most painful defeat can be the best lesson

Pete Sampras lost the US Open final to Stefan Edberg in 1992 and later called the loss the "trigger call" he needed to understand how hard it is to be the best in the world. Everyone knows what happened next - Sampras set a record by finishing the season six times in a row as the first racket of the world.

Instead of blaming defeat on circumstances beyond your control, find the flaws in your game and work on them. After all, you can control your actions completely.

Tennis is a sport that requires a lot from the player and it is unlikely that you can ever say that you have reached your ceiling in all aspects of the game. Sometimes only a painful loss can show what you're missing and motivate you to practice to get your game up to par. new level.

Recovery from a painful injury does not have to be a difficult or lengthy process. If you realize that this happens to everyone, that you did not play worse, and that defeat can become the best teacher, you will not only return to the previous level, but will soon become even stronger.

You cannot control wins and losses. But behind the desire to improve the game is always your choice, and this choice, sooner or later, will lead to success."

Apparently, these truths inspire tennis players in early childhood V sports schools. Therefore, the vast majority after defeats say something like - lost, it's a shame, but who doesn't happen to (see paragraph 1). Some who have already achieved a lot, bring their fans to white heat, optimistically telling at those moments when it seems that the whole correct world order is collapsing, something like this - I lost, it's a shame, but I played well, and in general I didn’t become worse from this, all the blows are with me, and everything will be fine (see point 2). Well, about the fact that the ideal is still far away, and you have to work, work and work (see paragraph 3), everyone is just tired of reading. But what is interesting is that these simple spells help them. So, maybe someone else will help in a difficult situation.

Original taken from slobodin in How to deal with defeat

Not everything goes smoothly in life and business. In general, everything never goes smoothly. But sometimes things happen in life that in general, well, a complete failure. Well, here's the full one. This is when you want to fall into the ground. And it seems like you tried to do everything, tried your best, but it didn’t work out. You tried to fix everything and prevent failure, you strived for the goal - but it didn’t work out. And not only did it fail - it failed miserably. What he hoped for and what he aspired to - it turned out exactly the opposite - this is a defeat.

This is one of the most serious tests for a person - the test of defeat. At these moments, the personality of a person manifests itself most vividly. From shades of gray it becomes black and white. How to survive defeat and get the most out of it while remaining on the bright side of life - a few tips on what to do during this very difficult time for you.

Take a break so as not to break firewood
If a failure happened and you can’t fix anything, you need to pause. Eat Twix. The train left, the plaster was removed - the Client left. Everything happened. It is pointless to twitch and fuss. Take a breath and calm down. One breath does not help, take several. The blood is still boiling, you sort through the events in your head last days, hours, minutes, trying to figure out why. Who is to blame for why this happened. In these moments, images of what will happen next appear in my head. What a shame and all. Now it doesn't matter. It turned out what happened. And you won't get it back. It doesn't mean that you don't care. If you don't care, that's a big problem in the future. But now we need to calm down, otherwise you can break firewood. The people break the biggest firewood right after they realize that everything is a failure.

Tomorrow comes tomorrow. And today's problems will no longer seem so terrible. There will be horror, horror. Not horror, horror, horror :)

So take a break. All the worst is in the past. And this is so - the very charm of defeat, that it cannot be worse. And this is good.

Show your dignity
Ooooh. How I love watching people in situations like this. It's such a litmus test. At these moments, your worst traits of character and nature are trying to break all shackles, break all restrictions. And if this happens - this is the real defeat. This is a total fakap. Therefore, at such moments, just crush it in yourself with an effort of will. Show your dignity. This is respect for the one whose fault you have problems - the enemy, competitor, boss. This is respect for those around you who were in this business.

Showing dignity is much easier if you pause and calm down. It's just a lot easier. But even if you could not calm down and everything is in full swing - show dignity. Otherwise, you will regret it for the rest of your life.

Those who show dignity in such situations are remembered and then it is much easier for them to move on. And this is good.

Support others
The people around you, the people who were with you in this project, business, game - it's very hard for them now. They, the members of your team, are now more vulnerable than ever. It is at these moments that teams are truly formed or fall apart completely. In moments of experiencing defeat. Support your own, support with a word, a joke and your behavior. It's incredibly difficult. But that's how true leaders emerge and that's how real teams are formed. It is very difficult. But as soon as you overcome this barrier and start in this difficult moment do it - you will like it. I know for myself. And you will like how many of those who are close to you - together with you and with your help, are experiencing this defeat. There will be those who will not be able to overcome themselves. They will be rude, fight in hysterics, do things that they will later regret very much. But this is a great litmus test for you. You will never know this ordinary life. And this is good.

learn the lessons
Immediately drawing conclusions after a defeat is a thankless task. Therefore, after the lapse of time, when everything had already calmed down, emotions subsided, everyone spoke out - you need to start analyzing what happened after all. Be sure to spend internal analysis why did this happen. Without self-flagellation and all that. By myself. And learn the lessons. Believe me, you will learn the best lessons from defeats. Own defeats. And try not to forget them. Because if you make the same mistake twice, it's like clinical case. And such cases are very difficult to treat.

So learn from this unique experience. They will make you wiser, much more secure from future defeats and mistakes.

And this is good.

Enjoy
In the end, you must understand. That defeat, so bitter at the moment of its experience, is one of the most best moments in your life. The best in terms of your height, the best in terms of how much it protects you from further even more high-profile defeats. For one beaten they give two not beaten. And this is a medical fact. I, for one, am always afraid to hire people who haven't had any defeats and everything went smoothly. They either lie, or they were fine before that. And that means it's a big risk. Because people who have experienced defeat acquire something that is impossible to get otherwise. Some sort of immunity. So enjoy it all - you've been given a painful inoculation. It is painful or even very painful - but it will protect you from real illness. And this is good.

Move on
The sooner you start moving on with the lessons learned and positive mood, the faster you will survive the bitterness of defeat and the closer you will be to new successes. Therefore, do not drag out the process of experiencing defeat. And move forward. And remember - for one beaten they give two unbeaten. Now you are beaten. And this is good.

Summary
As you already understood - defeat, if everything is done correctly at this moment, is the best thing that can happen to you and this is really good.

Well, one last piece of advice for today. When you realize that everything is a defeat, remember this post and move strictly according to the instructions set out here. And all will be well.

So that everything is fine with you
Your Mikhail Slobodin