Cool expressions for conversation. Funny wishes phrases

It is impossible to imagine our life without laughter and smiles, without humor and fun. Therefore, from time to time, each of us needs to move away from everyday worries, relax and have at least a little fun. Cool phrases And funny sayings- the right wonderful tool for quick lifting Have a good mood. Funny phrases and statuses are very popular because they describe the exciting moments in the lives of many people in a humorous way. They will help you impress your interlocutors with wit, as well as cheer up friends, colleagues, a bored company or guests at a festive party. cool expressions can also come in handy to “defuse” a tense situation or in awkward situations when you need to correct your oversight.
There are many wonderful funny phrases and expressions. I tried to select the best, funniest "phrases" that, in my opinion, deserve most attention. Read on and let no one be left without a smile!

My character, of course, is not sugar, but I was not created for that, to add me to tea!
If I ever die because of a man, it will only be from laughter.
I am neither good nor bad. I'm kind in an evil stripe!
I only have one life and I can't afford to be unhappy!
I thought I was special, but it turned out - the best ...
It is not enough to know your own worth - you still need to be in demand.
What is, you can’t put it back !!!
So what if the wind is in your head, but thoughts are always fresh ...
Where have you seen a cat who cares what mice say about her?
If you spit on my back, then I'm ahead of you!
Don't tell me what to do and I won't tell you where to go!
If you want me to be an angel, organize heaven for me!
My life my rules. If you don't like my rules, stay out of my life.
She has not been seen in vicious relationships ... Was it not? No… Not noticed!
You need to live in such a way that others have depression!
When will they learn to conduct light in ladies' handbag?! I really need it!!!
We are strong women: we will take out the garbage, and the brain, if necessary!
Lose weight on three diets! (I can't eat two...)
He eats - I cook, he wears - I wash, he scatters - I clean. And what would I do without him...
Women's folk fun: she came up with it herself, she was offended.
I am like champagne: I can be playful, but I can give it to my head ...
I so want to be a weak woman, but, as luck would have it, either the horses are galloping, or the huts are burning ...
Sometimes my husband shakes from me ... Still, I am an amazing woman !!!
Girls are standing, standing aside, pulling handkerchiefs in their hands ... Because for ten girls, according to statistics: 1 gay, 4 alcoholics, 2 divorced, 2 drug addicts and 1 normal, but he is married ...
What is the difference between fake love and real love? Fake: "I like snowflakes in your hair!" Real: "Fool, why without a hat?"
If a woman has sparkles in her eyes, then the cockroaches in her head are celebrating something.
How to make a girl crazy?
“Give her a lot of money and close all the shops!”
Men, let's wash, clean, cook, iron ...., and we want you!
I so want to cuddle up to someone, put my lips to my ear and whisper ...: “Give me money!”
Sometimes I open the closet, look in it for a long time and realize that I keep two-thirds of my clothes in case I go crazy.
Classic women's wardrobe: Nothing to wear. Nowhere to hang. It’s a pity to throw it away ... And there is also a department “Suddenly I lose weight” ...
You need to smile so wide that problems stumble over a smile!
An optimist is a person who, even falling face down in the mud, is sure that it is healing!
Girls, who there wanted to lose weight by spring?
This morning, while I was painting, I fainted 5 times from my beauty ...
I used to live alone and all my things were lying around in their places, but now I'm married and all things are neat and beautiful, no one knows where ...
I want fate to take me by the hair and right in the face - in happiness, in happiness, in happiness.
A woman should be loved, happy, beautiful! And she doesn't owe anyone anything!
The smartest plant is horseradish: he knows everything ...
Now I live only according to this principle: whoever wants - will come, whoever needs it - will call, whoever is bored - will find it! And to whom - In figs, those - In figs!
All men are bastards! All they need is just one! But why, why not from me-I-I?!
I would have sent you, but I see you and so from there!
Women are not interested in rags only if these rags are men.
If you think that life is beautiful, then antidepressants are chosen correctly.
If there are nails on the feet, then hands should be on the hands, and animals generally have bast shoes!
There is nothing better in the world than creaking a bed until dawn!
Judging by how life is fucking me, I'm fucking sexy!
Robbers demand a purse or life, women - both.
Never do evil out of spite! Bad things must come from the heart!
The smarter a woman is, the more refined and diverse she takes out the brain of her man!
Any dirty tricks can be used properly, if there is a desire ...
Queens never get upset. When they are sad, they just execute someone...
The weaker sex is stronger than the strong one due to the weakness of the stronger sex to the weaker one.
Long live split personality shortest way to peace of mind!
Spring is late for us, summer is delayed ... And autumn, you bastard, is punctual!
I'm a woman - I have evil as standard!
Don't want to be nice? - Get rid of the Vaseline!
I am a creative woman. I want - I create, I want - I create ...
With a teaspoon in my pocket, with a bald cactus in my hand, I’m going to frighten the old lady that lives in the attic, I’ll poke him with a spoon, I’ll order him to sit on the cactus ... I’m a little stupid - I have a certificate! ..
Vasilisa was a sorceress ... Waving his right sleeve - a lake ... Waving his left - swans ... Waving another 200 grams - and the hallucinations are more complicated ...
Happiness is when you have a doctor, a cop, a lawyer and a killer among your friends. Life just gets easier...
There are people, like a drug - you know that it is impossible, but it pulls. And there are people like a cake - sweet, tasty, but sick ...
I want to, like a bear: to eat up in the summer, and hibernate in the winter. And she lost weight, and slept, and did not see frost!
Grandfather Frost, I behaved well for a whole year ... and now can I beat someone ???
caught goldfish. She listened to me very carefully and said: “Fry!”
And they take me away, and they take me away, into a colorful ringing crap, three white horses, two red elephants, a penguin, a hippopotamus and a deer.
That which does not kill us, then regrets it very much.
I am air. Don't try to hold on. Breathe while I let you breathe...
My beloved said to me: “You are evil in the flesh!” Well, I'll implement it. I'm very obedient. And if for some reason he needs it, then how can I get past the request!
I’m a very good cook… I can hang noodles… Brew porridge… Add oil… In general, I’m a smart sorceress.
"Baby, I love you!" - excellent status! And all the suns are pleased, and you will not sleep ...
- You need to treat the girl carefully, like with a Christmas tree.
Cut down and take home?
— My child is being remarked strangers! How to react?
- Teach your child magic spell: "My mother teaches me that not every value judgment should serve as a behavior modifier." When pronounced with clear diction and confidently benevolent intonation, it acts similarly to the spell: "Petrify!". And more reliable. Although not for long. But without dangerous side effects.
You begin to understand that everything is really bad when a person cries, who usually calms everyone ...
As my grandmother used to say, it's better to shoot, reload and shoot again than to shine a flashlight and ask "who's there?"
In any situation, say "everything is going according to plan" - you never know what kind of fucked up plan you have.
Sometimes it becomes so cool from the fact that it has become so in fig what was once so important ...
And I'll leave, not noticing the insults.
Chewing a chocolate candy.
And let the evil horse love you,
Not a sun like me.
"Darling, is it true that I'm the only one you have?"
- Yes, what are you talking about today, all agreed, or what !?
A woman, like fire, cannot be left unattended. Or go out, or burn everything to hell !!!
Alcohol does not help to find the answer, it helps to forget the question....
Darling, you insist so much on our relationship with you ... I don’t understand, do you have a nervous system made of reinforced concrete or a lifetime reservation in a madhouse?
Sometimes you think: here it is, happiness! But no, damn it, experience again ...
Here you drown a person, and it seems so sad, but then bubbles appear, so good, and the heart rejoices.
It is easy to understand female logic, it is enough to learn how to play billiards with cubes.
It is necessary to find out the relationship only with those with whom you have these relationships. The rest - in figs on the shore of silence, collect shells ...
Happiness is when the previous f*ck has already ended, and the next one has not yet begun.
Cockroaches in the head are still normal. The problem is when a squirrel starts to kick them out ...
A black cat crossing your path means that the animal is going somewhere. Don't complicate!
You need to return to the woman as quickly as possible. So quickly that she does not have time to understand that she is fine without you.
If you love, let go. If it doesn't come back, track it down and kill it.
There are many other people's nerves in the world - there is no need to fray your own!
I bought a chalk from cockroaches! Now it’s quiet and calm in my head ... they sit, draw ...
Here you send someone in a hurry. And in your soul you worry: did you get there? ... didn’t you get there? ...
- Who are you?
— Kind fairy!
- And why with an ax?
- Yes, the mood is not very good ...
I got up on the wrong foot, sat on the wrong broom, and generally flew in the wrong direction ...
Give me wings, otherwise the whole ass is in splinters from the broom!
In general, I love raspberry pies. Of course, they don’t reciprocate, but they don’t behave like bastards either!
- What will you order?
- I, please, nerves, mind, calmness and * zma ... Yes, more * zma, please.
Don't be a jerk - give the person a second chance. Don't be an idiot - never give a third.
Nerves in shock, brains in a trance, and logic generally went and shot itself.
If my mother taught me to be cultured, this does not mean that I don’t kick in the eye, as my father taught me!
A realist is someone who doesn't care if the glass is half full or half empty. For him, what's in the glass is more important.
Whatever the rake teaches, but the heart believes in miracles ...
It's amazing how some people enjoy romantic rake walks.
If you constantly step on the same rake, then this is a fucking rake!
Smile more often - and the thicket will smile at you!
Yes, I'm not an angel, but flying faster on a broomstick.
Everyone thinks that every girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. No matter how! Our dream is to eat and not get better!
All women are angels, but if their wings are cut off, they begin to fly on a broomstick.
A man should be able to do two things: set fire to huts and scare horses so that his woman has something to do, and not take out his brains.
... and yet it is IMPORTANT that the butterflies in the stomach agree with the cockroaches in the head!
Yesterday, it seemed, I gained my mind-reason ... Today I woke up - but no, I just got it ...
I don’t promise to bring to sin, but I spend ...
No need to offend me, I'm a vulnerable girl, just a little - immediately into tears ... And then with tearful eyes it's so hard to understand who hit with a shovel ...
This morning, such horrors were shown in the mirror ...
I don't drink flowers and sweets!
- Girl, why haven't we met yet?
God bless you, stupid creature...
I have no excess weight. He's my spare.
Philologist woman: bright multiple sarcasms on the first date.
While men, being boys, play war games and cars, women, being girls, immediately prepare to manipulate people and play with dolls.
It is better to be a favorite wretch than to be an unnecessary perfection.
Listen to the voice of reason ... Do you hear? Do you hear what the hell he's talking about?
A woman needs a sense of intimacy, trust, and a strong connection to get into bed with a man. For a man - mainly - a place ...
Squirrels eat snow. What are you doing to end winter?
People who helped the spring and ate the snow, why else did you gobble up the asphalt?
The glass blower accidentally sneezed at work and created a new vase for the Ikea store.
If things don't go the way you want - it's not your business, let them pass by.
Can't relieve stress? Don't dress up!!!
It is wrong to say "toad strangles." It should be like this: “amphibiotropic asphyxia happened to me”
Macaque koala in cocoa macala. Koala lazily lapped cocoa ...
Squirrels in spats in the bowels of the tundra dig cedar kernels. In the bowels of the tundra, otters in spats are digging cedar kernels in buckets! Having torn the gaiters from the otter in the tundra, wipe the otter kernels of cedar, wipe the muzzle of the otter with the gaiter - the kernels into buckets, the otter into the tundra.
After washing the leggings in the swamp, putting the cores in buckets, the otters with squirrels in an embrace quietly finish the jar ... Finishing the moonshine, the otters danced a jig, the squirrels tried on the leggings, muttering that they had seen a worse holiday in the tundra.
I speak English with a dictionary, so far I am shy with people ...
Sliding under the table, do not forget to politely say goodbye to the guests.
There is a genius in each of us. And every day it gets stronger and stronger...
I do not know what you are taking from the head, but it obviously does not help you!
Sorry, I'm saying when you interrupt…
A beautiful woman pleases the male gaze, an ugly woman pleases the female!
There are no perpetual motion machines in the world, but there are plenty of perpetual brakes!
Take care of the motherland! Vacation abroad!
I am constantly haunted by smart thoughts, but I find myself faster ...
Everyone is spoiled to the best of their ability.
If a gentleman says to a lady "I understand you perfectly", he means "You are talking twice as much as necessary"!
If it is right to leave your husband, then he will definitely return ... like a boomerang.
If you want to bring a person to sclerosis, give him a loan.
Looking at how some accumulate good, others begin to accumulate evil.
There are so many interesting things in this life and so few people who are interested.
If you want to marry smart, beautiful and rich, marry three times.
Sclerosis cannot be cured, but you can forget about it.
If you cannot be a star in the sky, at least become a lamp in the house.
A man, even if he could understand what a woman thinks, he still would not believe.
The best way to organize a panic is to ask everyone to remain calm.
Everyone wants to have a good time, but you can't.
Tell me I'm wrong and I'll tell you who you are.
What a pity that you are finally leaving! ..
Lost conscience. I ask the finder not to worry and keep it to yourself.

How useful are cool expressions and phrases? For any occasion, some people always have jokes, jokes, sayings that are capable of others. A witty, ironic, cheerful person endures adversity more easily and will not go into his pocket for a word.

Reality sometimes presents not the most pleasant surprises. work overload, stressful situations V own house, lack of confidence in friends, work colleagues, and in tomorrow in general, often leads to a decline in strength. It's not worth saying that in the soul at such moments - just cats scratching. What to do in such turbulent times?

What can help relieve stress?

Many people, being victims of unexpected pressure, try to look for, if not oblivion, then recharge, in the regular use of various stimulants. Moreover, some of them begin to support themselves with relatively safe energy drinks, and end their lives as avid drug addicts.

Even our favorite tea is among these energy drinks. It is known that tea is able to cheer up for no apparent reason. However, over time, this can lead to a real chemical addiction. Therefore, it is much better to relieve stress by remembering and using cool expressions for any occasion.

Will humor and jokes help to cope with stress?

Appropriate jokes and jokes can improve mood and relieve stress without any additional chemical doping. It is for this reason that the article is devoted to humorous expressions applicable in a variety of life situations. .

Having become acquainted with it, you will not only improve your mood here and now. By memorizing some of these expressions, you can cheer yourself up whenever the need arises. Moreover, such a beneficial effect will have practically no side effects.

The main thing here is not to overdo it when communicating with people who do not understand humor. After all, some may condemn even the most innocent joke, and light sarcasm for them is like a personal insult!

When can funny expressions about life be used in a speech?

If you can't change the situation, change your attitude towards it. This is the upbringing of positive character traits that make it easier to go through life, quickly find new friends and help old ones. Cool expressions filled with subtle humor will help defuse the situation in almost any situation. They can be used both when something went wrong, and when the heart is overwhelmed with joy. The most important thing is that the interlocutor is on the same emotional wavelength with you. If this condition is met, neither you nor your listeners will be bored.

Examples of the coolest expressions about family life

In this block you will find the most famous funny expressions that can be used in the process of communicating with family members. Especially this block is recommended to be studied by the male half: do not forget that women love witty ones. Introducing our TOP 10:

Marital ties are a difficult matter, so they are usually carried by two, and sometimes by three.
Lover from first marriage.
The naivety of a woman: even watching porn movies, she hopes that sex will end with a wedding.
A declaration of love is like a signal of the exact time. It is true only at the moment of pronunciation.
My trembling half.
You and I are one blood - you are Chuk, I am Huck.
When it's raining and melancholy outside, saw your husband - create an atmosphere of comfort.
It is better to be jealous of a woman for a stove than for a computer.
My children are concerned about the question of where everything came from, me - where everything went.
Happiness is when the desired moments coincide with the inevitable.
A strong marriage is a humble husband and a wife who treats him like a king.

Cool expressions on vacation

To fill the rest with smiles and fun, you can use almost any jokes and jokes. The most suitable of them will be cool expressions from films. If those do not come to mind, remember something from the following TOP:

One drop of nicotine will kill a horse, three hundred - able to defeat
A quickly drunk glass cannot be considered poured.
Today you do not drink with us, but tomorrow you will betray your Motherland.
Eat, eat, dear guests. If your conscience has completely disappeared, then you can come tomorrow.
WITH smart people nice to talk but hard to work.
My life is leaving so quickly, as if she is no longer interested in me.
There are no ugly women - there are underfunded ones.
To make a woman happy, let her sometimes do nothing.
A person who values life will not distort it with dirty thoughts.
Monogamy will make only one person unhappy.

and expressions appropriate in the queue to the doctor

Should I go to the doctor again? Do not despair! Our coolest expressions, presented in the following TOP, can make a visit to the doctor easy and fun:

Visit the website of the dental clinic - www.zubov.net.
One head is already good, but the torso will also come in handy.
The patient refused an autopsy, so the doctor was forced to treat him.
The doctor cannot prolong life, so he prolongs the disease.
The doctor asks the patient with a knife in his back: - Are you in a lot of pain? - No, it's unpleasant only when I laugh.
Medicines are so expensive that while you earn money on them, time will heal.
A new version of the Hippocratic Oath: only upon presentation of an insurance policy...
That's what our Fortune Teller suffered.
The freer the medicine, the more expensive the medicines.
It was a beautiful leg ... Let's have a second one!

Cool expressions applicable during a quarrel

Of course, quarrels are not the most pleasant thing. But even they can be made less painful if you learn to “send” people you don’t like more or less beautifully. The following is the next TOP, in which you will find expressions with meaning, cool insults cultured people:

How much will principles be on your exchange today?
Of course, everyone wants to be honest ... But I want to be rich more.
Yes, it's time to weed your head.
Grunt is new sign consent!
There are simply no unbearable people, only narrow doors.
Who made a face like this for you?
Let it be rubbish. But take as much as you want!
I noticed by the face of your alarm clock - you are getting ready to ring again.
There is no need to stage thoughts here.
And reluctance to live, and too lazy to shoot yourself.

Cool expressions about gray everyday life

Cool expressions about life are an opportunity to colorize gray everyday life. Want to see for yourself? Read the following TOP:

Soon they will start to plant all the malicious non-payers of bribes.
Don't smile at me like a taxman.
I have more and more nightmares.
To be completely happy, I want to survive.
The 112 service received another call. Rescuers were upset, but they decided not to pick up the phone.
If a bald spot is a path trampled down by thoughts, then I am the most thinking person!
Even New Year someone hates. Well, for example, Christmas trees.
To eat so much, you have to eat.
If you are always surrounded by fools, then you are the most important of them.
I'd rather sweat seven times than frost once.

Cool expressions used instead of insults

There are people to whom you explain at least 1000 times, repeat - everything is useless! However, even in this case, do not despair and be sad. After all, cool expressions for communicating with an unpleasant interlocutor can come up in slippery situations. Communication with "particularly gifted" people is no exception. To find out how to nevertheless point out to such people all the stupidity of their situation, remember a few expressions from the following TOP:

Sewerage is the only thing that can unite us.
I see you are smart! I see - the skull is too tight. I can fix it.
Smile more, the boss needs more idiots.
Don't make me nervous! I already have nowhere to hide the corpses!
The hero is alone. When there are many heroes, they are called hooligans.
I look, soon someone will get off with a slight fright.
You won't have to wait long for a warning shot to the head.
Be careful, take care of yourself, don't let your brain think.
If I get up I'm afraid nuclear war ruin your perfect day.
Increasingly, I feel an irresistible desire to obscenely admire your behavior.

Cool expressions to help admit your mistake

Oddly enough, funny ones can smooth the situation when you don’t feel like laughing at all. One such situation is the need to admit one's own mistakes. To find out what can be said in such an inconvenient case, check out the next TOP:

The source of my wisdom is my experience. The source of my experience is my stupidity.
There are people who do not make mistakes, which means they are simply afraid to act.
Our delusions will die before us, so there is no need to make a mummy out of them.
Experience is such a thing that you get instead of what you wanted.
Experience is such a thing that appears immediately after it was needed.
I will not try to have time to explain something in between slaps. And it will turn out indistinctly, and it will be necessary to repeat.
Why commit the sin of being discouraged by mistakes when there are more pleasant sins around!
Today I am quieter than water and funnier than grass.
And yet, I did not manage to violate all decorum today.
Wisdom is not in not making mistakes, but in not repeating them again.

Descriptions of news and other recent events

Watching the news, these days, can be just as stressful as talking to an angry boss. Our final TOP “Cool idioms about modern life":

On election day, the people voted.
Also say that Lenin was a skinhead!
The main thing is to win. After all, the winners will not be planted.
Walking at night is the easiest way to commit suicide.
Debauchery is any sex in which you are not involved.
The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that Eva not only ate forbidden apple, but also made a fashionable bag out of the poor Serpent.
If I'm on a plane, I'll take the front seat. When the plane crashes, the beer cart will again pass by me! At least get drunk before I die.
It seems that steaks with blood of the second group will soon become the most common dish.
Driver, watch out for places where children can suddenly jump out!
Psychoanalysis is the effort of the brain to get pleasure intended for another organ.

A little more about the benefits and expressions in everyday life

If an article on the topic "Cool expressions for any occasion" at least encourages someone not to resort to various chemical doping just to cope with negative impact stress, so it was not written in vain.

Of course, constant stress is an unpleasant thing, but you can and should learn to cope with it without medication. Is it difficult? Actually not very much. It will be difficult at the very beginning. Especially these difficulties can affect those who have already managed to become dependent on some chemicals.

If we are talking about drug addiction or advanced alcoholism, in order to overcome addiction, you will most likely have to consult a narcologist.

However, most readers do not belong to this population group. This means that you can train your own mind to successfully deal with stress. To achieve this goal without serious difficulties, you need to learn how to switch from what upsets you to the exact opposite moments in time. It will take quite a bit of time, and you will notice that achieving this goal is not difficult at all. The main thing here is not to let yourself get turned on!

After all, if someone from your environment behaves in a boorish way, this is his problem, not yours. Why waste your energy on other people's problems? And even if you were mistaken: what will the hassle and bitter tears give? Wouldn't it be better to just draw the right conclusions and not repeat past missteps and mistakes?

The media is bombarding us with an endless stream of negative news. And what does it give? Will there be fewer wars? Will planes stop crashing? All drivers and pedestrians will learn to follow the rules traffic? Unfortunately, all these questions can be considered rhetorical. Therefore, after all, you should not worry too much about everything that the media brings down on us. Let's live together with our nervous system. And constant stress has never prolonged anyone's health!

Therefore, the only thing that can really help us is right attitude to everything that happens both in the world around us and directly in our life. Any difficulties are easier to endure in a calm mood. A the best helpers in a constant struggle with stress, apathy, depression and constant fear - we ourselves. The ability to control one's own mind, to have cool phrases and expressions in stock is one of the types of positive survival.

Continue to look at your life with a smile, endure difficulties with a cold mind, and notice the positive aspects in any situation. And most importantly - stop worrying about trifles! Life loves those who take it lightly! And then everything in your life will be just wonderful!

As one humorist put it, you need to be able to laugh at yourself, and why not smile at the funny statements of other people. Laughter is important for human health and morale. It prolongs life, contributes to a positive perception of events, shows that you definitely shouldn’t lose heart in any situation. Let's dive into a whole list of funny sayings that can come in handy for vocabulary building.

Sometimes one short sentence can cheer you up for the whole day. The most ridiculous phrases a person often utters without thinking. That's why they turn out to be unusually funny.

Here are ten phrases that can make you smile and make you think.

The son of an avid poker player cannot understand whether his father loves him or not.
A small group of smart climbers circled Mount Everest. - No wonder they say that the smart one does not go uphill.
Recently, the wife said: “We are not so close that I weigh myself in front of you!”.
Wisdom does not always come with age, sometimes old age comes alone.

When a compliment does not please: “Honey, there is not a single woman better than you! Yesterday I was convinced of this again!
The modern world: There is no story more tragic in the world than the one about the lost Internet.
A little about education: a diploma allows you to make mistakes much more confidently.
An optimist is sure that he lives in the best of all worlds. The pessimist is afraid that this is true. What does a realist do?

Born yourself - help another. – A very effective motto of China.
Don't be afraid to do what you don't know how to do. The main thing to remember is that the ark was built by an amateur, while professionals built the Titanic.

Funny phrases from movies

A great way to cheer up is to watch a good movie. Let's remember funny moments from Soviet and other films.

Here I am walking beautifully along the street, and the men around me keep falling and falling ... And they themselves are stacked in piles! (The film "Girls").

Champagne in the morning drink or aristocrats or degenerates! ("The Diamond Arm").
If a woman asks for something, it must be given to her. Otherwise, she will take it herself. ("The Man from the Boulevard des Capucines").

Make a mysterious face, fool! ("Dog's heart").
Well, citizens are alcoholics, hooligans, parasites... Who wants to work today? ("Operation Y and other adventures of Shurik").

I don't have time to care. You are attractive, I am damn attractive. What's the point of wasting time? I'm waiting at midnight. ("Ordinary Miracle").
- How did you end up in the Spanish monastery?
- I mistook it for a brothel. Easy to confuse. ("Pirates of the Caribbean").

You dream of playing as a striker, but they use you like a ball. ("Taxi")
- If I were your wife, I would also leave. - If you were my wife, I would hang myself! ("Ivan Vasilievich changes his profession").

- Who writes? - Anonymous. - God gave me a name. ("Queen of the gas station").

Funny phrases to cheer you up

The main thing is to save positive attitude. Here are a few phrases that will come in handy at a time when the mood does not want to rise at all, people only upset, things fall, and the salary does not grow.

A bit of philosophy: Attitude towards others strongly depends on why they surrounded you.
We describe our condition correctly: Such a mood today is good, which cannot be said in a fairy tale or formulate obscenities.
Who said that laziness cannot be combined with a rebellious spirit: I lie on the couch all day and nothing will stop me, because I have no brakes!

Always go towards your dream. Tired of walking? Then crawl. No strength to crawl? Feel free to lie down and lie in the direction of the dream.
Why do you think I'm vindictive? I have a very bad memory, I have to write everything down.
There is an opinion that Orange color can improve mood. Tip: Scatter 5,000 dollar bills all over your house. Great mood guaranteed!
Came to work in no mood. Ruined it to everyone. I sit and smile.

When even a vacation in the garden is perceived with humor: And where I just didn’t go. I didn’t go to the Maldives, I didn’t go to Cyprus, I didn’t even go to Greece. I think where not to go this year.
Everyone has a hobby. Someone collects stamps, someone models ships. My husband has been collecting wardrobes from Ikea for three years now.
Even if I fall on my face in the mud, it will be curative.

Funny phrases for conversation

Let's replenish lexicon funny expressions.

I wanted to leave, but then they poured again.“There is always a reason to stay.
We don’t need someone else’s, but we will definitely take our own, no matter who it is.- How to put the interlocutor into a stupor.
I would look at you for a century - through an optical sight. But sincerely and sincerely.
I don't know how it should be, but you're doing it wrong. - A very important phrase.
Being bitten by mosquitoes, he fell into the sin of foul language.- Witty explanation.
I'm not a brake - I just think smoothly.- good excuse
Why do I need a waist? I am married now.- Really.
Tell me, will you help or not interfere?
If your conscience torments you at night, try sleeping during the day.

Tackling girls funny phrases

Girl help me. I bought pasta, but I have no idea what to do with it (if I answered with advice, then it is added: “Can I always consult with you?”).
Girl, how much is your smile worth? I would love to buy one!
Do you want me to give you a ride with the breeze on the escalator?
You obviously don't like men. To be honest, me too.

What do you think, what should a handsome man say to a lovely girl when meeting on the street, so as not to be refused?
I have amnesia - have I approached you yet?
Can you tell me what time it is now? My clock suddenly went backwards.
I collect signatures of the cutest girls. Could you put yours in?
He pretends to pick up a bill from the floor. "Girl, is this yours? Not yours? It turns out I found it! Can we drink it together?"
The man walks past the girl, then turns sharply and asks: “Didn’t you just pinch me? .. No? .. What a pity ...”

Funny catchphrases

Phrases spoken exactly to the point can help to get together, cheer up even in the most exciting moment. Some words describe what is happening so vividly that you want to include them in your vocabulary and delight people with the sharpness of your own expressions.

Phrases of the resilient actress Faina Ranevskaya:

"If the patient wants to live, then medicine is powerless"
"Loneliness is when there is a telephone in the house, and the alarm clock rings"
"Sclerosis cannot be cured, but it can be forgotten."

What are the performances of V.S. Chernomyrdin, who created new themes for parodists:

"We will live badly, but not for long."

Chaplin on women:

"A woman can make any man a billionaire a millionaire."

Mikhail Zadornov about life:

“The worst thing is life. Everyone dies from it."
“They lived happily ever after until they met each other!”

Mark Twain on important matters:

"Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."

From the movie "Moscow does not believe in tears"

"Sometimes you hear such nonsense, but it turns out - a point of view"
"Don't teach me, better help financially."

Funny phrases of children

Children are spontaneous, open to everything new, they have a vivid imagination, which sometimes surprises adults. Small child and older children easily find a non-standard answer in any situation, and their philosophical thoughts make you not only smile, but also think.

How to ask for what you really want:

- Ma-a-am, I'm thirsty. Only not milk ... and not tea ... Compote. Or juice. Better than chocolate!

Children's friendship:

I ask my five-year-old son:
- Dima, do you have a friend Vova?
- Yes.
- Doesn't he offend anyone in the kindergarten?
- Mom, we offend together. We're best friends!

- Mom, can I go for a walk?
- With this hole in pantyhose?
- No, with Svetka from the third floor.

Cunning:

- Mom, let's get a brother or sister. Dad won't even notice, he's always at work anyway.

Children need to be surprised:

The daughter "stuck" in the store to the rattles.
Mother says:
Let's go to another department. Maybe there is something more interesting.
Daughter replies:
- Okay, surprise me.

From USE essays in social studies:

If it is not possible to live in society, it remains only to live with a girl.

When a child asks smart questions:

“Mom, why did you teach me to talk and walk, and now you make me sit silently?”

Excerpts from essays on the Russian language and literature:

"He lived with the horse for twenty years..."
“At first, the geese swam smoothly, and then they began to make movements under the lambada. This is the last dance."
“Marriages today are like the union of a tick and a dog. But the situation is worsened by the fact that usually there are two ticks in a marriage and not a single dog.”

Funny short birthday phrases

Birthdays are often celebrated with toasts. Long toasts are not always perceived by ear, especially if they are too serious. Therefore, you can please your guests with funny short toast-wishes.

Let's drink to your coffin, dear friend. A coffin that will be made from a century old oak that has not yet been planted.
In ancient times, well, or not very old. maybe it was a long time ago. Okay... Lived... or maybe lived... Doesn't matter! Let's drink to the birthday boy!
A bit of arithmetic: a cottage is “0”, a car and a garage are “0”, an apartment is “0”, money is “0”, health is “1”. Let's drink to the fact that the life of our birthday boy consists of one unit and then - many, many zeros.
Nature in each of the people ascends either as cereals or as weeds. This toast is for watering the first and tearing out the second. Let's drink, friends, for the birthday boy who managed to grow a beautiful garden in himself!
D let's drink to the hadron collider, and to the fact that in an hour no one can say this word.
There is no need to run after a woman, like after a departed bus. Remember that the next bus is coming behind you.
Let's drink to the fact that the buses run as often as possible!
A losing streak often turns out to be a takeoff.
To our joyful prospects on this airstrip!
Let's drink to you having everything and nothing to you for it!
Dear friend, I wish you always had a light heart and heavy pockets!

Funny wishes phrases

I wish your whole life was dirty and dark...
Let the money be like dirt, and from happiness it gets dark in the eyes.
Buddy,
Remember, we will always come to your rescue...
And the more revenue, the better!

I wish you to have everything in this life: both the expected amenities and pleasant surprises!

Today is your birthday
So, you need to "break away" enough!
After all, you will have a whole year,
To have time to cool down a little!

You say hello to me.
And I say "hello" to you.
It's great that both of us are "hello"!

Congratulations my "old stick"! I wish you incredible fun, love without borders and health like a horse!

I want to wish you a very modest life. To a car without a roof, only old wine, and moldy cheese.

Congratulations! Live without enemies and without horns, have success and dreams without interference.

Friend, on your holiday, I feel like a Bedouin in the desert who has not seen water ... So I want to drink!

Let's drink for the birthday girl, in whose honor such wonderful, cheerful, worthy and modest people like us gathered!

Funny cartoon phrases

And now for funny phrases from your favorite cartoon characters.

“Where it is flabby, there it is gentle!” (Kung Fu Panda)

Good advice: "Never say:" I made a mistake, "it's better to say" Wow, how interesting it turned out! ( glacial period)

“So where is the damn thing?”
- Inside. Waiting for us to rescue her.
- No, I'm talking about the dragon (Shrek)

- As they say - leave your ass in the past!
No, leave the past behind you! (Timon and Pumbaa)

“When depressurizing the cabin, put on an oxygen mask so that other passengers do not see the horror on your face ...” (Madagascar)

“You made me dress as a modest rabbit, and you chose a bright and lovely suit. This is not comradely "(Kopatych from the cartoon" Smeshariki ")

“Well, who leaves a child alone at the rink? what if I break and fall” (Masha and the Bear).

- Mr. Krabs but I had a dream!
- So what? And I had kidney stones. Time heals everything, my boy (SpongeBob).

“Who here, for example, is the last king? Nobody? So I'll be the first!" (Last year's snow was falling)

“The right company is one where I will be treated to something and listen to my Grumble with pleasure.” (Winnie the Pooh)

Odessa funny phrases

Learn how to joke sparklingly when communicating and always find a witty answer to any question - great art. Odessa humor is distinguished by its originality and the fact that it is born just in the course of conversations. That is why it is so vibrant and diverse. Consider the humor in the dialogues of Odessa residents, who can incredibly quickly find original answers to any questions.

Self-irony:
- Faina, describe your appearance.
- You can get used to ...

- Syoma, do you love your wife?
- Certainly! Why is she worse than others?
Main perseverance:
- Syoma, do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk again?
Reminder in the toilet in one Jewish family: "Don't just sit there, think something."
Marriage:
- Do you agree to marry Faina?
- Do you have better options?
“God saves the safe,” the bride thought when he ran out of pasta in his pen during the registration of the marriage.
Grandma really liked Skype.
- No, you still see what a useful thing! there would be guests, but you don’t need to feed them.

- Darling, you and I have only been married for the first day, and we already sang to quarrel ...
I have been waiting for this day for two years!
- Benya, I still promise you that in six years we will live better than in this Europe!
- What happens to them?

A bit of Odessa hospitality:
- Oh, dear, come again! It's so good without you!

Funny phrases in pictures

Funny phrases for a guy

To please your beloved one, you can send him a funny message. Let's see what the girls write to their husbands and suitors.

Dear, I don't know how to tell you this... Anyway, I took the test today... and we are the perfect couple!
I want you and me to have more in common. Let's get a kitten!
Yesterday I accidentally caught the bride's bouquet. Is there something you want to tell me?
Dear, I'm late because I've been looking for my broom for a long time.
Don't be afraid of your desires, be afraid of mine!
You are an insidious lovebird, why did you break a couple? I can't find a second sock.
Please help me find information! Look online for ways to tell your loved one I scratched my car and still get a new phone for their birthday.
I parked the horse, defeated the monster and cooked it for dinner. I sit and wait for you, my prince!
Darling! The girls and I decided to have a drink here. I will definitely call. Don't pick up.
Dear, I'm extremely happy for you! After all, you are so happily married.

Funny phrases with meaning

Phrases that not only sound funny, but also conceal certain meaning and life truth.

Attention! On a slippery porch, the number of cultured people is halved!
The genius within me is fast asleep. But a fool never sleeps!
In order not to accidentally call his wife the name of his mistress Anastasia, the husband took the cat and named Nastya.
Wife: Let's buy a car, I'll learn to drive, at least we'll see the world! Husband: Which light is this or that?
The sappers do not understand the phrase: you need to learn from your mistakes.
Wife to husband: I'm not going to accept you the way you are. I'm not in the military!
Why do I look great in the mirror, but the camera shows the opposite?
Money is not the main thing. The main thing is their number.
How to please a girl: you need to be strong, beautiful, rich or just a cat.
About the alcoholic feast: at first it was good, then even better, then it was so good that it is still bad!

Funny phrases with names

Funny phrases for girls

With these phrases, you can not only make a girl smile, but also pin up. They should be used with caution.

Girl, you have very beautiful legs! One is better than the other.
I want to invite you to dinner and breakfast at the same time.
You are so beautiful it's scary to look at!
Girl, do you believe in love with the first person you meet? I'm ready to be him.
Will you help me go to the left? (A dangerous phrase when meeting).
In the bus:
I can’t reach the handrail, I’ll hold on to you.
In the elevator:
Girl, aren't you afraid of being stuck in an elevator with a maniac like me?
You have a very predatory look, you must be hungry.
You are so beautiful that you don't need makeup. Leave a little though.
You believe in love at first sight. No? Perhaps I will visit again.

Funny phrases to tears

Relevant for online correspondence:
Write a little louder, I can't hear you here.
Great people lived so little! Here's something I don't feel good about today.
For the sake of money, I'm ready for anything. Even go to work.
My wife is very good. Others are even worse.
So much has been written about the dangers of smoking that I firmly decided not to read any more.
Optimism is just a lack of information.
I tried to drown the problems in cognac, but they surfaced.
The girl decided to take revenge on the guy, and married him.
A first grade student came to Christmas tree dressed as a squirrel, which greatly frightened the guard Mikhail.
The fairy tale about the sleeping beauty shows once again that there is always a person who will wake you up.

Funny phrases to rhyme

Funny phrases about work

Even work should be taken with humor. Here are a few phrases that can cheer up colleagues in the middle of the work week.

I almost live at work. And wages are only going down. Probably deducted for accommodation.

I love working in a team. It's easy to put the blame on others.

Funny phrases about women

Finally, funny wise expressions about the beautiful half of humanity.

If the girl suddenly fell silent, then she wants to say something.
You can not trust the woman who does not hide her weight. She doesn't hesitate to say anything.
The smarter a woman is, the more stupid things she does.
A man chases a woman for so long until she catches him herself.
You can kill a woman with impunity only with a compliment.
If men knew what women think, they would behave more confidently.
Real men always get what women want from them.
Women forgive their men, even if they are not guilty of anything.
Women still know how to keep secrets. However, they do it together.
A girl can tell her friend for several hours that she has no words.

It does not matter that you take a kitten or a man into the house! Half a year a nice little pug, and then a cunning impudent type!

Not everything beautiful can be rationally expressed in words. It happens that you like it madly, but flies off the tongue: "fuck!"

All instructions in Russian should begin with the words: “Well, you moron, have you already broken it?”

I have not said for a long time: "Go to hell!". I say: "Everyone, stay where you are!"

If a girl asks you to leave her alone, leave her alone. Just don't leave her alone! In short, good luck to you, brother.

Worms always whine that they live in the ass. This is a biography. Only outside the ass they are not viable. This is biology.

Today I went to bed at 22:00. It's already 3-10 and I still can't get enough of going to bed so early!

People need to be trusted. Not money, of course. Or secrets. And so - in general.

The hardest thing to keep is a promise to yourself. You know after all: if that - you will be understood and forgiven.

"No" is only for those who do not ask.

Who does not take risks ... he drinks vodka at the wake of the one who took risks.

When I was little, I really wanted to grow up. Who knew that there was such a setup here ...

If you can, and even more so if you need it, then somehow you don’t really want to.

Medicinal properties of horseradish: if you put it on something, it immediately becomes easier.

Wisdom is an age-related slowdown in the brain, leading to the impossibility of making hasty decisions.

I hung a charm over the door, from all evil spirits, went to the store, returned ... the key in the door broke ... I can’t go in ...

But what if Lenin lies in the mausoleum because he was bewitched by an evil fairy, and if you kiss him, then the spell will break and the USSR will return?

Those who tell you about me tell me about you. Never forget about it.

All show off, absolutely everything. And those who do not show off, then show off those who do not show off.

In case of fire, follow the sequence! First - leave the building, then - write to social networks: VK, Odnoklassniki, Facebook, Twitter...

Conscience - it is so ... It does not torment those who should be tormented, but those who have it.

We have a coffee machine at work. I already lost my salary in it.

If you are reading this SMS, then I already got drunk.

The rooster saw a chicken in the microwave and says: “A vigorous loaf ... in the village there is no one to carry eggs, but she rides on carousels here!”

The man's tail fell off, but the need to wag it remained.

You need to borrow money from pessimists, they know in advance that they will not be given back

Sitting up to your ears in shit, you won’t especially open your mouth.

Organs as organs and only ass massovik entertainer

The story of Malvina proved that a woman can easily fall in love with a man, albeit with a wooden head, but with a golden key.

It's great to be fat. You immediately understand why you don't have personal life. And when thin - look for reasons, guess, suffer.

Working is not a woman's business. A woman must go to work to show new dresses!

You walk like this with a mug of tea in your hands and a book. And instead of a book you throw tea on the bed...

Before, when I had no money, I associated it with the lack of work. Now I have a job. But apparently I'm doing something wrong.

They say you're not lucky if your breasts are smaller than your belly.

You can't earn all the money, you can't have all the women, you can't drink all the vodka... but did that ever stop the peasants?

The secret of my always great health and always good mood? Vegetarianism, yoga and some meat and vodka for dinner!

I love weekends! You can get to work quickly and without traffic jams.

Tomorrow is a mythical place where you run in the morning, live full life and solve your life's problems.

Progress... smart glasses, smart watches, smart sneakers, smart microwave ovens... Only stupid people remained.

Have you noticed that if you are the last to enter a compartment, then you have the feeling that you are visiting?

I have eternal problems- I constantly say something wrong: “put on” instead of “put on”, “go to x @ d” instead of “well, I will listen to your comments” ....

When choosing a life partner for yourself, you should not forget that in your free time from sex you will also have to talk about something.

I woke up early to walk longer with a disgruntled face.

Man is born to be happy, not to “obey”! Vasilisa, 4 years old.

Frigid - they are only frigid in bed, and they have requests like everyone else.

A woman, when choosing one of two men, hesitates only in the case when she does not need either one or the other.

Ah... ladies! Eve decided.