General history, processed by the satyricon.

In the question section, a short message about the origin of pseudonyms based on Taffy's story. exercise class 175 Ladyzhenskaya)) urgently)) given by the author ?Live?In?Your?Heart.. the best answer is There are several options for the origin of the pseudonym Teffi.
The first version is stated by the writer herself in the story "Pseudonym". She didn't want to sign her lyrics male name, as contemporary writers often did: “I didn’t want to hide behind a male pseudonym. Cowardly and cowardly. It is better to choose something incomprehensible, neither this nor that. But what? You need a name that would bring happiness. Best of all is the name of some fool - fools are always happy. She "remembered<…>one fool, really excellent and, in addition, one who was lucky, which means that fate itself recognized him as an ideal fool. His name was Stepan, and his family called him Steffi. Having discarded the first letter out of delicacy (so that the fool would not be arrogant) ", the writer "decided to sign her play" Teffi "". After the successful premiere of this play, in an interview with a journalist, when asked about the pseudonym, Teffi replied that "this is ... the name of one fool ... that is, such a surname." The journalist remarked that he was "told it was from Kipling". Taffy, who remembered Kipling's song "Taffy was a walshman / Taffy was a thief ..." (Russian Taffy from Wales, Taffy was a thief), agreed with this version ..
The same version is voiced by the researcher of Teffi E. Nitraur, indicating the name of the writer's acquaintance as Stefan and specifying the name of the play - "Women's Question", and a group of authors under the general supervision of A. I. Smirnova, who attribute the name Stepan to a servant in the Lokhvitsky house.
Another version of the origin of the pseudonym is offered by the researchers of Teffi's work E. M. Trubilova and D. D. Nikolaev, according to which the pseudonym for Nadezhda Alexandrovna, who loved hoaxes and jokes, and was also the author of literary parodies, feuilletons, became part of literary game aimed at creating an appropriate image of the author .
There is also a version that Teffi took her pseudonym because under her real name her sister, the poetess Mirra Lokhvitskaya, who was called the "Russian Sappho", was published.

Nadezhda Aleksandrovna Teffi is a well-known humorist writer Silver Age. From the first issue of the issue (that is, from April 1908) she became an active contributor to the humorous magazine Satyricon, in which such masters of laughter as Arkady Averchenko, Arkady Bukhov, Sasha Cherny and others also successfully worked. If Averchenko was called the “king” of the Satyricon, then Teffi was rightfully considered the real “queen” of this publication. Male colleagues found in her an outstanding talent and willingly collaborated with the lady. Among the “inventions” of the humorists of the popular magazine is the “General History, processed by the Satyricon”. Its authors were Arkady Averchenko, Osip Dymov, Iosif Orsher, Teffi. The purpose of the article is to analyze the introductory part of the book called "Ancient History", which was written by Nadezhda Aleksandrovna Teffi. In it, the comedian talks about countries ancient east(Egypt, Assyria, etc.), about their rulers and people, as well as about the most important events, historical figures (about Solon, Polycrates, Herostratus, Pericles, Socrates, etc.) and the traditions of Greece and Rome (about King Pyrrhus, Punic wars, Cicero, Julius Caesar, about Roman life and culture, military art, religious institutions, philosophical schools, on the upbringing of children, literature and much more). She offers her own interpretation of events, but in fact she simply ridicules (practically without distorting the facts) D. Ilovaisky's textbook “Ancient History. Senior course. D. Nikolaev, a researcher of the work of comedians of the early twentieth century, writes: “Recognizing the authority of the scientist and the prominent role of his works, critics argued that he did not take into account the latest historical discoveries, that the texts were overloaded with small details and “dubious” legends, demanded that textbooks be “raised” to the level current state of science". So, as we can see, many were not satisfied with the near-scientific works of the scientist. Recall that the textbooks of this Russian historian and publicist were reprinted many times in the late 19th and early 20th centuries and were recommended by the Academic Committee under the Ministry of Public Education. Perhaps Teffi herself studied from them. Due to the fact that the historian, when writing his books, paid more attention to legends and tales than to facts, the writer, parodying him, could think of something of her own. In the comments to the book by N. Teffi “ humorous stories You can find excerpts from the works of D. Ilovaisky: “The climate here is more severe than in other parts of Greece: almost tropical heat in summer, and rather cold in winter. The soil is very fertile in places, but generally requires considerable labor for its cultivation. Such conditions should contribute to the development of rigidity and energy in the very character of the inhabitants. Taffy gives an almost exact quote from scientific work, but now it looks rather funny: “It was hot in Laconia in summer, cold in winter. This climate system, unusual for other countries, according to historians, contributed to the development of rigidity and energy in the character of the inhabitants. Thus, the banal phrases of the historian turn into an auto-parody of scholarly work. And the final part of "Ancient History" contains samples of oral questions and written tasks for repeating Ancient History. Decorated with great humor, ironic questions further emphasize the similarity with the object of parody. Here are some of them: "Draw a parallel between the suitors of Penelope and the First Punic War", "Speak several times succinctly without prejudice to one's own personality (exercise)". Composing such “tasks”, the writer, ironically, emphasizes the futility of such meaningless exercises in Ilovaisky’s textbooks. Also in Ancient History, Teffi plays up the name of the Satyricon magazine: “One noble nobleman named Petronius made a ridiculous attempt to publish in Rome (it’s even difficult believe it!) SATYRICON! The madman imagined that this magazine could be as successful in the 1st century A.D. as in the 20th A.D. and education, and endurance of character, but, despite all this, he could not wait for 20 centuries. He went bankrupt with his untimely undertaking and, having satisfied his subscribers, died, moreover, he let out blood from his veins on his friends. “SATYRICON will wait for the most worthy” - were the last words of the great seer. The mischievous irony of these lines inspired confidence in long life magazine. And so it happened: "Satyricon" lasted 10 years. During this time, almost 600 issues were published. In our opinion, even without knowing the content of the parodied textbooks on the history of D. I. Ilovaisky, reading “The General History ...” is interesting, and most importantly, funny. For example, Teffi, who loved to decorate her humorous works proverbs and sayings, and here it does not deviate from its preferences. Against the background of a supposedly scientific text, the exclamation of the Epirus king Pyrrhus sounds comical: “What an honor when there is nothing to eat!” . And in the preface, the humorist writes: “The ancient peoples are divided by skin color into black, white and yellow. The whites, in turn, are divided into: Aryans, descended from Noah's son Japhet and named so that it was not immediately possible to guess who they came from; Semites - or those who do not have the right to reside, Ihamites, people who are not accepted in a decent society. Here the comedian is punning, using the similarity of the words "Khamites" (a group of nationalities North Africa speaking Hamitic languages close to each other) and “ham” (a rude, arrogant, ill-mannered person). Apparently, the writer succumbed to the general cheerful mood of the co-authors-satiricists. For example, in the chapter on the Persians, Teffi creates a grotesque description of the brutal appetite of Cambyses (one of the kings of Persia), who "went to fight the Ethiopians, went into the desert and there, suffering greatly from hunger, ate little by little his entire army" . And then “at the sight of this healthy, fattened bull, the king, emaciated on human flesh, rushed at him and pinned him with his own hand, and at the same time his brother Smerdiz, who was spinning under his feet.” The further development of events is brought by the writer to the point of absurdity: “At this time, King Cambyses, completely obsessed with beef, died from a wound that he inflicted on himself, wanting to taste his own meat.” Obviously, to create a humorous effect, she willingly uses humorous techniques more characteristic of other satyricists (for example, A. Averchenko). But, having agreed to write a collective parody, it is noticeable that Teffi "adapts", and very successfully, to his fellow comedians. And although the genre of parody was not peculiar to the comedian, she coped with the task perfectly. Of course, one should not forget that “The General History, processed by the“ Satyricon ”was released in 1911, one might say, at the very beginning of Nadezhda Alexandrovna’s“ satyricon ”career. During this period, the development of the individual style of the humorist took place, because only in 1910 the first book of the writer's Humorous Stories was published. Naturally, the influence of colleagues had a certain impact on Teffi's writing style. But it is already possible to notice certain developed stylistic devices that Nadezhda Alexandrovna will safely use in her future work. For example, a punning play on words: "Penelope weaved during the day, at night she flogged what was woven, and at the same time her son Telemachus." Here to create comic effect a dual interpretation of the words is used: flog the woven (tear) and flog the child (punish, flog). And in the following chapters of the book, Teffi continues to pun: "King Xerxes, the successor of Darius Hystaps, went to the Greeks with a myriad (they still did not know how to make a preliminary estimate) army"; “But ten days later there was a characteristic crack. This broke the patience of Mardonius (479 BC), and he began the battle and was defeated utterly and on other parts of the body ”; “Having reached the Rubicon River, Julius bustled for a long time ...”, etc. And thanks to the effect of deceived expectations, the author causes, if not laughter, then a smile from the reader: “This story ended tragically: Odysseus returned.” Also in the text there are countless paradoxes that enhance the comic effect of the parodic work. Here are just a few of them: “In continuous military enterprises, he lost his eyes, chest, side, arms, legs and throat. Often difficult situations made him lose his head, so that the brave warrior remained completely light and ruled the people with the help of one abdominal barrier, which, however, could not stop his energy ”; "He fell into excess and died much earlier than his death"; “The lady ordered you to say that they were dead,” etc. Often the authors of the “General History ...” did not need to remake the texts of the historian, since they were ambiguous and pseudo-scientific. Embellishing historical facts with legends and his own conjectures, the scientist lost the trust of the reader, in the eyes of a thoughtful person he seemed like an absurd storyteller. How critics of different times responded to the publication of the "General History", we can see from their reviews. Sergey Knyazev writes: “It is clear that the figure of D. Ilovaisky, who was associated with the most heinous phenomena of Russian life at that time, could not but arouse disgust among the authors of the Satyricon and those readers who shared their political, social and aesthetic position. At the same time, direct criticism of his views and activities by the satyricists would have been direct political satire, which was hardly possible in those years. Not being able to directly express their attitude to the ideas of Ilovaisky, the satyricists went through his textbooks. Thus, it is logical to assume that the “General History, processed by the “Satyricon”” was for the satyriconists another attempt to be “as modern and topical as possible”, and it would be completely wrong to conduct this artistic experience along the line of “pure humor”. Rather, it was a continuation of satire - by other means. D. Nikolaev writes: “The unexpected interest of the authors of the book - N. Teffi, O. Dymov, A. Averchenko, O. D'Or - to the past was surprising, because the satyriconists always tried to be as modern as possible. Moreover, unlike his great predecessors - A. Pushkin (“History of the village of Goryukhin”), M. Saltykov-Shchedrin (“History of one city”), A. Tolstoy (“History of the Russian state from Gostomysl to Timashev”), they create a work not satirical, but humorous. So, we see radically opposite opinions of critics about the book (modern / interest in the past; satirical / humorous), which indicates a discrepancy in the unexpected interpretation of the satyricists of the works of D. Ilovaisky. If we talk about the “General History.” In general, it should be noted that the language of presentation of parodic texts by different writers practically does not differ. After reading a book, it is sometimes impossible to immediately determine who is the author of a particular humorous fragment. Sometimes you might think that the book was written by the same person. In our opinion, such “interchangeability”, to a greater or lesser extent, is due to the fact that, in addition to similar style, the authors use the same techniques for creating comic: different kinds exaggerations, unexpected comparisons of heterogeneous phenomena, a discrepancy between form and content, etc. Of course, this book was very popular at one time, since D. Ilovaisky's historical excursions were fresh in the memory of his contemporaries. Although, without knowing source code, it is not always possible to capture the essence of the parodied ideas. But, we agree with Sergey Knyazev, who stated: “For a comic effect, the context, as you know, is more important than the text, which is why humor, not to mention satire, quickly becomes obsolete. Nevertheless, the “General History, processed by the Satyricon”, is already entering the second century of its existence. Ilovaisky has been gone for a long time, his works remained in the archives, the object of parody has not been relevant for a long time, but the parody itself lives on. Which once again confirms the maxim attributed to the famous British wit Bernard Shaw: “A person who writes about himself and his time is the only one who writes about all people and all times.” In Ancient History, Teffi achieves a humorous effect by intertwining historical facts with life realities of the early twentieth century. The writer laughs heartily, mixing the events of ancient history with the present. The irony of the author is clearly heard, which was not very typical for the humorist's style. Indeed, unlike Arkady Averchenko, who was prone to fantasizing, Nadezhda Alexandrovna, who wrote everyday stories about people, was more of a realist. The creation of the “General History” allowed her to appear as a parodist and, thanks to this, to use such techniques of creating the comic, unusual for her texts, as the grotesque, allusions, etc. Teffi’s irony is often traced, which is hidden behind a specially veiled naivety. retelling historical events modern language also serves a specific purpose. At the same time, we must not forget that the humorist parodies the historical works of Ilovaisky, who, according to modern critics, are “very simple, not to say primitive, and often clumsy in language, rather ingenuous in presentation and, of course, cannot be compared with the works of brilliant stylists Karamzin, Klyuchevsky, Sergey Solovyov ". A further perspective of the study is seen in the study and analysis full text all the authors of the “General History, processed by the “Satyricon”. Literature1. General history processed by the Satyricon. - St. Petersburg. : ABC Classics, 2008. - 320 p. 2. Knyazev S. Continuation of satire by other means / Sergey Knyazev // General history, processed by the "Satyricon". - St. Petersburg: ABC Classics, 2008. - P. 5 - 12. Nikolaev D. The pearl of Russian humor / Dmitry Nikolaev // Teffi N. A. Humorous stories; From the “General History, processed by the Satyricon”. - M.: Artist. lit., 1990. - S. 3-18. Teffi N. A. Humorous stories; From the “General History, processed by the Satyricon” / Intro. article, comp., prepared. text, comments D. D. Nikolaev. - M.: Artist. lit., 1990. - 415 pp. Popkov Yu. V. “Ancient history”, as it was shaped by N. O. Tefі. Vaughn was written by the brilliant humorist N. O. Tefi and may be called "Old History". Nadiya Oleksandrivna created a miraculous parody of the assistants of the historian Ilovaisky (they didn’t rule the bagats, because there were a lot of legends and tales and few scientific facts), practically without twisting the texts of the scientist. Key words: author, humorist, irony, history, paro diya.Popkova Yu. V. "Ancient history", processed by N. A. Teffi. The article discusses the introductory part of the book "General History, processed by the "Satyricon". It is written by the brilliant humorist N. A. Taffy and is called Ancient History. Nadezhda Alexandrovna created a magnificent parody of the textbooks of the historian Ilovaisky (which did not suit many, because there were many legends and tales and few scientifically confirmed facts), practically without distorting the texts of the scientist.Key words: author, humorist, irony, history, parody.Popkova Yu. V. “Ancient History” remade by N. A. Teffy. the book“World History remade by Satyricon”, that was written by a brilliant humourist N. A. Teffy and it is called “World History”. Nadezhda Alexandrovna created a wonderful parody of the books by the historian Ilovaisky (the books did not please many people because they contained a lot of legends and tales, but a few scientifically proven facts) and practically did not distort his words.Key words: author , humourist, irony, history, parody.

What is history as such - there is no need to explain, since this should be known to everyone with mother's milk. But what is ancient history - a few words need to be said about this.

It is difficult to find a person in the world who, at least once in his life, in scientific terms, would not get involved in some kind of story. But no matter how long ago this happened to him, nevertheless, we have no right to call the incident that happened ancient history. For in the face of science everything has its own strict subdivision and classification.

Let's say in short:

a) ancient history is such a history that happened extremely long ago;

b) ancient history is the history that happened to the Romans, Greeks, Assyrians, Phoenicians and other peoples who spoke stillborn languages.

Everything that concerns ancient times and about which we know absolutely nothing is called the prehistoric period.

Scientists, although they know absolutely nothing about this period (because if they knew, it would have to be called historical), nevertheless, they divide it into three centuries:

1) stone, when people used bronze to make stone tools for themselves;

2) bronze, when bronze tools were made with the help of stone;

3) iron, when iron tools were made with the help of bronze and stone.

In general, inventions were then rare and people were slow to invent; therefore, they will invent a little something - now they also call their century by the name of the invention.

In our time, this is no longer conceivable, because every day the name of the age would have to be changed: the Piliuliarian age, the flat tire age, the Syndeticon age, etc., etc., which would immediately cause strife and international wars.

In those times, about which absolutely nothing is known, people lived in huts and ate each other; then, having strengthened and developed the brain, they began to eat surrounding nature: animals, birds, fish and plants. Then, divided into families, they began to fence themselves with palisades, through which at first they quarreled for many centuries; then they began to fight, started a war, and thus a state, a state, a state life arose, on which the further development of citizenship and culture is based.

Ancient peoples are divided by skin color into black, white and yellow.

Whites, in turn, are divided into:

1) the Aryans, descended from Noah's son Japheth and named so that it was not immediately possible to guess who they came from;

2) Semites - or without the right of residence - and

3) Hamites, people who are not accepted in a decent society.

Usually history is always divided chronologically from such and such to such and such a period. It is impossible to do this with ancient history, because, firstly, no one knows anything about it, and secondly, the ancient peoples lived stupidly, wandered from one place to another, from one era to another, and all this without railways without order, reason or purpose. Therefore, scientists came up with the idea to consider the history of each nation separately. Otherwise, you will get so confused that you will not get out.

Egypt is located in Africa and has long been famous for its pyramids, sphinxes, the flooding of the Nile and Queen Cleopatra.

Pyramids are pyramid-shaped buildings that were erected by the pharaohs for their glorification. The pharaohs were caring people and did not trust even the closest people to dispose of their corpse at their discretion. And, barely out of infancy, the pharaoh was already looking after himself a secluded place and began to build a pyramid for his future ashes.

After death, the body of the pharaoh was gutted from the inside with great ceremonies and stuffed with aromas. Outside, they enclosed it in a painted case, put it all together in a sarcophagus and placed it inside the pyramid. From time to time, that small amount of pharaoh, which was enclosed between the fragrances and the case, dried up and turned into a hard membrane. This is how the ancient monarchs spent the people's money unproductively!

Further, the ruins of temples serve as monuments of Egypt. Most of all, they were preserved on the site of ancient Thebes, nicknamed by the number of their twelve gates "hundred gates". Now, according to archaeologists, these gates have been converted into Arab villages. So sometimes the great turns into useful!

The monuments of Egypt are often covered with inscriptions that are extremely difficult to make out. Scientists therefore called them hieroglyphs.

The inhabitants of Egypt were divided into different castes. The priests belonged to the most important caste. It was very difficult to get into the priesthood. To do this, it was necessary to study geometry to the equality of triangles, including geography, which at that time embraced space the globe not less than six hundred square miles.

The priests were up to their necks, because, in addition to geography, they also had to engage in worship, and since the Egyptians had an extremely large number of gods, it was sometimes difficult for a different priest to snatch at least an hour for geography in the whole day.

The Egyptians were not particularly choosy in giving divine honors. They deified the sun, the cow, the Nile, the bird, the dog, the moon, the cat, the wind, the hippopotamus, the earth, the mouse, the crocodile, the snake, and many other domestic and wild animals.

In view of this God-manyness, the most cautious and pious Egyptian every minute had to commit various blasphemy. Either he steps on a cat’s tail, or he clicks on a sacred dog, or he eats a holy fly in borscht. The people were nervous, dying out and degenerating.

Among the pharaohs there were many remarkable ones who glorified themselves with their monuments and autobiographies, not expecting this courtesy from their descendants.

Babylon, famous for its pandemonium, was nearby.

The Assyrian kings were very warlike and cruel. They struck their enemies most of all with their names, of which Assur-Tiglaf-Abu-Herib-Nazir-Nipal was the shortest and simplest. As a matter of fact, it was not even a name, but an abbreviated affectionate nickname, which was given to the young king by his mother for his small stature.

The custom of the Assyrian christening was as follows: as soon as the king gave birth to a male, female or other baby, immediately a specially trained clerk sat down and, taking wedges in his hands, began to write the name of the newborn on clay slabs. When, exhausted by labor, the clerk fell dead, he was replaced by another, and so on until the baby reached adulthood. By this time, his entire name was considered to be fully and correctly spelled to the end.

These kings were very cruel. Loudly calling out their name, before they conquered the country, they had already seated its inhabitants on stakes.

According to the surviving images, modern scholars see that the Assyrians had a very high hairdressing art, since all the kings had beards curled with even, neat curls.

Foreword

What is history as such - there is no need to explain, since this should be known to everyone with mother's milk. But what is ancient history - a few words need to be said about this.

Let's say in short:

a) ancient history is such a history that happened extremely long ago;

b) ancient history is the history that happened to the Romans, Greeks, Assyrians, Phoenicians and other peoples who spoke stillborn languages.

Everything that concerns ancient times and about which we know absolutely nothing is called the prehistoric period.

Scientists, although they know absolutely nothing about this period (because if they knew, it would have to be called historical), nevertheless, they divide it into three centuries:

1) stone, when people used bronze to make stone tools for themselves;

2) bronze, when bronze tools were made with the help of stone;

3) iron, when iron tools were made with the help of bronze and stone.

In general, inventions were then rare and people were slow to invent; therefore, they invent a little something - now they also call their century by the name of the invention.

In our time, this is no longer conceivable, because every day the name of the century would have to be changed: the age of Piliuliar, the flat tire age, the Syndeticon age, etc., etc., which would immediately cause strife and international wars.

In those times, about which absolutely nothing is known, people lived in huts and ate each other; then, having strengthened and developed the brain, they began to eat the surrounding nature: animals, birds, fish and plants. Then, divided into families, they began to fence themselves with palisades, through which at first they quarreled for many centuries; then they began to fight, started a war, and thus a state, a state, a state life arose, on which the further development of citizenship and culture is based.

Ancient peoples are divided by skin color into black, white and yellow.

Whites, in turn, are divided into:

1) the Aryans, descended from Noah's son Japheth and named so that it was not immediately possible to guess who they came from;

2) Semites - or without the right of residence - and

3) Hamites, people in a decent society not accepted

Usually history is always divided chronologically from such and such to such and such a period. It is impossible to do this with ancient history, because, firstly, no one knows anything about it, and secondly, the ancient peoples lived stupidly, wandered from one place to another, from one era to another, and all this without railways, without order, cause and purpose. Therefore, scientists came up with the idea to consider the history of each nation separately. Otherwise, you will get so confused that you will not get out.

Egypt is located in Africa and has long been famous for its pyramids, sphinxes, the flooding of the Nile and Queen Cleopatra.

The monuments of Egypt are often covered with inscriptions that are extremely difficult to make out. Scientists therefore called them hieroglyphs.

The inhabitants of Egypt were divided into different castes. The priests belonged to the most important caste. It was very difficult to get into the priesthood. To do this, it was necessary to study geometry to the equality of triangles, including geography, which at that time embraced the space of the globe at least six hundred square miles.

Among the pharaohs there were many remarkable ones who glorified themselves with their monuments and autobiographies, not expecting this courtesy from their descendants.

Babylon, famous for its pandemonium, was nearby.

The Assyrian kings were very warlike and cruel. They struck their enemies most of all with their names, of which Assur Tiglaf Abu Herib Nazir Nipal was the shortest and simplest. As a matter of fact, it was not even a name, but an abbreviated affectionate nickname, which was given to the young king by his mother for his small stature.

These kings were very cruel. Loudly calling out their name, before they conquered the country, they had already seated its inhabitants on stakes.

According to the surviving images, modern scholars see that the Assyrians had a very high hairdressing art, since all the kings had beards curled with even, neat curls.

If we take this issue even more seriously, then we can be even more surprised, since it is clear that in Assyrian times, not only people, but also lions did not neglect hairdressing tongs. For the Assyrians depict beasts always with the same manes and tails curled into curls, like the beards of their kings.

Truly the study of patterns ancient culture can bring significant benefits not only to people, but also to animals.

The last Assyrian king is, in short, Ashur Adonai Aban Nipal. When the Medes besieged his capital, the cunning Ashur ordered a fire to be made in the square of his palace; then, laying all his property on him, he climbed upstairs himself with all the wives and, having secured himself, burned to the ground.

The frustrated enemies hurried to surrender.

Iran was inhabited by peoples whose names ended in "Yana": the Bactrians and the Medes, except for the Persians, who ended in "sy".

The Bactrians and the Medes quickly lost their courage and indulged in effeminacy, and the Persian king Astyages had a grandson, Cyrus, who founded the Persian monarchy.

Herodotus tells a touching legend about the youth of Cyrus.

- And through the gold tears flow! - he said and instructed his courtier to strangle the baby.

The courtier, who was up to his own business, entrusted this business to a shepherd friend. The shepherd, due to ignorance and negligence, mixed everything up and, instead of strangling, began to raise the child.

When the child grew up and began to play with his peers, he once ordered the son of a nobleman to be whipped. The nobleman complained to Astyages. Astyages became interested in the broad nature of the child. After talking with him and examining the victim, he exclaimed:

It's Kir! Only in our family they know how to flog like that.

And Cyrus fell into the arms of his grandfather.

Having entered the age, Cyrus defeated the king of the Lydian Croesus and began to fry him at the stake. But during this procedure, Croesus suddenly exclaimed:

- Oh, Solon, Solon, Solon!

This greatly surprised the wise Cyrus.

“Such words,” he confessed to his friends, “I have never heard from those roasting.

He beckoned Croesus to him and began to ask what it meant.

Then Croesus spoke. that he was visited by the Greek sage Solon. Wanting to throw dust in the sage's eyes, Croesus showed him his treasures and, to tease, asked Solon whom he considered the happiest person in the world.

If Solon were a gentleman, he would, of course, say "you, your majesty." But the sage was a simple-minded man, one of the narrow-minded, and blurted out that "before death, no one can say to himself that he is happy."

Since Croesus was a king developed beyond his years, he immediately realized that after death people rarely talk at all, so even then they would not have to boast of their happiness, and he was very offended by Solon.

This story greatly shocked the faint-hearted Cyrus. He apologized to Croesus and did not roast him.

After Cyrus, his son Cambyses reigned. Cambyses went to fight the Ethiopians, went into the desert, and there, suffering greatly from hunger, little by little he ate his entire army. Realizing the difficulty of such a system, he hastened to return to Memphis. There at that time they celebrated the opening of the new Apis.

At the sight of this healthy, well-fed bull, the king, emaciated on human flesh, rushed at him and pinned him with his own hand, and at the same time his brother Smerdiz, who was spinning under his feet.

One clever magician took advantage of this and, declaring himself False Smerdiz, immediately began to reign. Persians rejoiced:

- Long live our king False Smerdiz! they shouted.

At this time, King Cambyses, completely obsessed with beef, died from a wound that he inflicted on himself, wanting to taste his own meat.

Thus died that wisest of the Eastern despots.

After Cambyses, Darius Hystaspes reigned, who became famous for his campaign against the Scythians.

The Scythians were very brave and cruel. after the battle, feasts were held, during which they drank and ate from the skulls of freshly killed enemies.

Those of the warriors who did not kill a single enemy could not take part in the feast for lack of their dishes and watched the celebration from afar, tormented by hunger and remorse.

Upon learning of the approach of Darius Hystaspes, the Scythians sent him a frog, a bird, a mouse and an arrow.

With these unpretentious gifts, they thought to soften the heart of a formidable enemy.

But things took a completely different turn.

One of the warriors of Darius Hystaspes, who was very tired of hanging out with his master in foreign lands, undertook to interpret the true meaning of the Scythian message.

“It means that unless you Persians fly like birds, gnaw like a mouse, and jump like a frog, you will never return to your home.”

Darius could neither fly nor jump. He was scared to death and ordered to turn the shafts.

Darius Hystaspes became famous not only for this campaign, but also for his equally wise rule, which he led with the same success as military enterprises.

The ancient Persians were initially distinguished by their courage and simplicity of manners. Their sons were taught three subjects:

1) to ride;

2) to shoot from a bow and

3) tell the truth.

A young man who did not pass the exam in all these three subjects was considered an ignoramus and was not accepted for public service.

But little by little the Persians began to indulge in a pampered way of life. They stopped riding, forgot how to shoot from a bow, and, while idly spending time, they cut the truth of the uterus. As a result, the huge Persian state began to rapidly decline.

Previously, Persian youths ate only bread and vegetables. Corrupted, they demanded soup (330 BC). Alexander the Great took advantage of this and conquered Persia.

Greece occupies southern part Balkan Peninsula.

Nature itself divided Greece into four parts:

1) northern, which is located in the north;

2) western - in the west;

3) eastern - not east and, finally,

4) southern, occupying the south of the peninsula.

This original division of Greece has long attracted the eyes of the entire cultural part of the world's population.

In Greece lived the so-called "Greeks".

They spoke in dead language and indulged in writing myths about gods and heroes.

The favorite hero of the Greeks was Hercules, famous for cleaning Augean stables and thus gave the Greeks an unforgettable example of cleanliness. In addition, this neat man killed his wife and children.

The second favorite hero of the Greeks was Oedipus, who out of absent-mindedness killed his father and married his mother. As a result, a pestilence spread throughout the country and everything was exposed. Oedipus had to gouge out his own eyes and travel with Antigone.

In southern Greece, the myth of the Trojan War, or "Beautiful Helena" was created in three acts with music by Offenbach.

It was like this: King Menelaus (comedian buff) had a wife, nicknamed for her beauty and because she wore a dress with a slit, Beautiful Helen. She was kidnapped by Paris, which Menelaus did not like very much. Then the Trojan War began.

The war was terrible. Menelaus turned out to be completely without a voice, and all the other heroes lied mercilessly.

Nevertheless, this war remained in the memory of grateful mankind; for example, the phrase of the priest Calchas: "Too many flowers" is still quoted by many feuilletonists, not without success.

The war ended thanks to the intervention of the cunning Odysseus. To enable the soldiers to get into Troy, Odysseus made wooden horse and put soldiers in it, and he himself went away. The Trojans, tired of a long siege, were not averse to playing with a wooden horse, for which they paid. In the midst of the game, the Greeks got out of the horse and conquered the careless enemies.

After the destruction of Troy, the Greek heroes returned home, but not to their own delight. It turned out that during this time their wives chose new heroes for themselves and betrayed their husbands, whom they killed immediately after the first handshakes.

The cunning Odysseus, foreseeing all this, did not return directly home, but made a small detour at the age of ten in order to give his wife Penelope time to prepare for a meeting with him.

Faithful Penelope was waiting for him, whiled away the time with her suitors.

The suitors really wanted to marry her, but she reasoned that it was much more fun to have thirty suitors than one husband, and cheated the unfortunate, delaying the wedding day. During the day Penelope weaved, at night she flogged what was woven, and at the same time her son Telemachus. This story ended tragically: Odysseus returned.

The Iliad shows us the military side Greek life. "Odyssey" draws household paintings and public mores.

Both of these poems are considered to be the works of the blind singer Homer, whose name was so highly respected in antiquity that seven cities disputed the honor of being his homeland. What a difference with the fate of our contemporary poets, who are often not averse to abandoning their own parents!

Based on the Iliad and the Odyssey, we can say the following about heroic Greece.

The population of Greece was divided into:

2) warriors and

Each performed its function.

The king reigned, the soldiers fought, and the people expressed their approval or disapproval of the first two categories with a “mixed rumble”.

The king, usually a poor man, descended from the gods (poor consolation in an empty treasury) and supported his existence by more or less voluntary gifts.

The noble men surrounding the king also produced their kind from the gods, but to a more distant degree, so to speak, the seventh water on jelly.

In the war, these noble men came out ahead of the rest of the army and were distinguished by the splendor of their weapons. A helmet covered them from above, a shell in the middle and a shield on all sides. Dressed in this way, the noble husband rode into battle in a twin chariot with a coachman - calmly and comfortably, like in a tram.

Everyone fought scattered, each for himself, therefore, even the defeated could talk a lot and eloquently about their military exploits, which no one had seen.

In addition to the king, soldiers and people, there were also slaves in Greece, consisting of former kings, former soldiers and former people.

The position of a woman among the Greeks was enviable in comparison with her position among Eastern peoples.

On the Greek woman lay all the cares of the household, spinning, weaving, washing clothes and other various household chores, while Eastern women were forced to spend their time in idleness and harem pleasures among tiresome luxury.

The religion of the Greeks was political, and the gods were in constant communication with people, and in many families they visited often and quite easily. Sometimes the gods behaved frivolously and even indecently, plunging the people who invented them into woeful bewilderment.

In one of the ancient Greek prayer chants that have survived to this day, we clearly hear a mournful note:

Really, the gods

It makes you happy

When our honor

Somersault, somersault

Will it fly?!

The Greeks learned their future through oracles. The most revered oracle was in Delphi. Here the priestess, the so-called Pythia, sat down on the so-called tripod (not to be confused with the statue of Memnon), and, having gone into a frenzy, uttered incoherent words.

The Greeks, spoiled by fluent speech with hexameters, flocked from all over Greece to listen to incoherent words and reinterpret them in their own way.

The Greeks were judged in the Amphictyonic Court.

The court met twice a year; the spring session was at Delphi, the autumn session at Thermopylae.

Each community sent two jurors to the court. These jurors came up with a very tricky oath. Instead of promising to judge according to their conscience, not to take bribes, not to distort their souls and not to protect their relatives, they took the following oath: “I swear never to destroy the cities belonging to the Amphiktionov union, and never to deprive it of flowing water, either in peacetime or in war time».

Only and everything!

But it shows what superhuman strength the ancient Greek juror possessed. It didn't cost any of them even the most overwhelmed of them to destroy the city or stop the flowing water. Therefore, it is clear that the cautious Greeks did not pester them with oaths of bribes and other nonsense, but tried to neutralize these animals in the most important way.

The Greeks kept their chronology according to the most important events of their public life i.e. the Olympic Games. These games consisted in the fact that the ancient Greek youths competed in strength and dexterity. Everything went like clockwork, but then Herodotus started to read aloud passages from his history during the competition. This act had its due effect; the athletes relaxed, the public, hitherto rushing to the Olympics like crazy, refused to go there even for the money that the ambitious Herodotus generously promised her. The games stopped by themselves.

Laconia constituted the southeastern part of the Peloponnese and got its name from the way the inhabitants there expressed themselves succinctly.

It was hot in Laconia in summer, cold in winter. This climate system, unusual for other countries, according to historians, contributed to the development of cruelty and energy in the character of the inhabitants.

The main city of Laconia was called Sparta for no reason.

Sparta had a moat filled with water so that the inhabitants could practice throwing each other into the water. The city itself was not surrounded by walls and: the courage of the citizens had to serve as its protection. This, of course, cost the local fathers of the city less than the worst palisade. The Spartans, cunning by nature, arranged it so that they always had two kings at the same time. The kings squabbled among themselves, leaving the people alone. The legislator Lycurgus put an end to this bacchanalia.

Lycurgus was of royal family and took care of his nephew.

At the same time, he constantly poked everyone in the eye with his justice. When the patience of those around him finally burst, Lycurgus was advised to travel. It was thought that the journey would develop Lycurgus and somehow affect his justice.

But, as they say, it's sickening together, but boring apart. Before Lycurgus had time to freshen up in the company of Egyptian priests, his compatriots demanded his return. Lycurgus returned and approved his laws in Sparta.

After that, fearing too warm gratitude from the expansive people, he hastened to starve himself to death.

Why leave to others what you can do yourself! were his last words.

The Spartans, seeing that bribes were smooth from him, began to pay divine honors to his memory.

The population of Sparta was divided into three estates: Spartans, perieks and helots.

The Spartans were local aristocrats, did gymnastics, went naked and generally set the tone.

Periakami gymnastics was banned. Instead, they paid taxes.

The helots, or, in the words of the local wits, the "under-Ek" had the worst of all. They cultivated the fields, went to war and often rebelled against their masters. The latter, in order to win them over to their side, came up with the so-called cryptia, that is, simply, in famous hour killed all oncoming helots. This remedy quickly forced the helots to come to their senses and live in complete contentment.

The Spartan kings enjoyed great respect but little credit. The people believed them only for a month, then forced them to swear allegiance to the laws of the republic again.

Since there were always two kings in Sparta and there was also a republic, all this together was called an aristocratic republic.

According to the laws of this republic, the Spartans were prescribed the most modest way of life according to their concepts. For example, men were not allowed to dine at home; they were going to cheerful company in the so-called restaurants - a custom observed by many people of an aristocratic fold in our time as a relic of hoary antiquity.

Their favorite food was black soup, prepared from pork broth, blood, vinegar and salt. This chowder is like historical memory glorious past and is still cooked in our Greek kitchens, where it is known as “brandakhlysta”.

In clothing, the Spartans were also very modest and simple. Only before the battle did they dress up in a more complex dress, consisting of a wreath on their heads and a flute in right hand. At the usual time, they denied themselves this.

Parenting

The upbringing of the children was very harsh. Most of the time they were killed immediately. This made them courageous and persistent.

They received the most thorough education: they were taught not to scream during the spanking. At the age of twenty, a Spartiate passed an exam in this subject for a matriculation certificate. At thirty he became a spouse, at sixty he was relieved of this duty.

Spartan girls were engaged in gymnastics and were so famous for their modesty and virtue that rich people everywhere tried to vied with each other to get a Spartan girl as a wet nurse for their children.

Modesty and respect for elders was the first duty of young people.

The most indecent of a Spartan young man was his hands. If he was wearing a cloak, he hid his hands under the cloak. If he was naked, then he thrust them anywhere: under a bench, under a bush, under an interlocutor, or, finally, he sat on them himself (900 BC).

From childhood, they were taught to speak laconically, that is, briefly and strongly. To a long ornate curse of the enemy, the Spartan only answered: "I hear from a fool."

A woman in Sparta was respected, and she was occasionally allowed to speak succinctly, which she used when raising children and ordering dinner for a cook and a lot. So, one Spartan woman, giving the shield to her son, said laconically: "With him or on him." And the other, giving the cook a rooster for roasting, said succinctly: “If you overcook it, I’ll blow it.”

As a lofty example of the masculinity of a Spartan woman, the following story is given.

One day, a woman named Lena, who knew about the illegal conspiracy, so as not to accidentally give out the name of the conspirators, bit off her tongue and, spitting it out, said laconically:

Gracious sovereigns and gracious sovereigns! I, the undersigned Spartan woman, have the honor to tell you that if you think that we Spartan women are capable of low deeds, such as:

a) denunciations

b) gossip

c) the extradition of his accomplices and

d) slander

then you are very mistaken and you will not expect anything like this from me. And let the wanderer tell Sparta that I spat out my tongue here, faithful to the laws of gymnastics of my fatherland.

The stunned enemies inserted another "e" into Lena, and she became Leena, which means "lioness".

Decline of Sparta

Constant bathing and laconic conversation greatly weakened the mental abilities of the Spartans, and they lagged far behind in development from other Greeks, who, for their love of gymnastics and sports, called them "Sportans".

The Spartans were at war with the Messenians and once got so scared that they sent for help to the Athenians. Those, instead of military tools, sent them to help the poet Tirteus, charged with his own poems. Hearing his recitation, the enemies trembled and fled. The Spartans took possession of Messenia and brought hegemony to themselves.

The second famous republic was Athens, ending at Cape Sunius.

Rich deposits of marble, suitable for monuments, naturally gave rise to glorious men and heroes in Athens.

All the grief of Athens - a highly aristocratic republic - was that. that its inhabitants were divided into phyla, dimas, phratries and subdivided into paraliai, pediacs and diacarii. In addition, they were also divided into eupatrides, geomars, demiurges and various trifles.

All this caused constant unrest and unrest among the people, which were used by the tops of society, divided into archons, eponyms, basileus, polemarchs and tesmotetes, and oppressed the people.

One wealthy Eupatride, Pilon, tried to settle the matter. But the Athenian people were so distrustful of his undertakings that Pilon, following the example of other Greek legislators, hastened to travel.

Solon, a poor man who was engaged in trade, gained experience in traveling and therefore, without fear of bad consequences for himself, decided to benefit the country by writing strong laws for it.

In order to earn the trust of the citizens, he pretended to be crazy and began to write poems about the island of Salamis, which was not customary to talk about in decent Greek society, since this island was conquered by Megara with great embarrassment for the Athenians.

Solon's reception was successful, and he was entrusted with the drafting of laws, which he took advantage of very widely, subdividing the inhabitants, among other things, into pentacoziomedimns, zeogites and tetes (famous for the fact that “luxurious diamonds worth four rubles are sold for one ruble only one more week").

On family life Solon also paid serious attention. He forbade the bride to bring her husband more than three dresses as a dowry, but he demanded modesty from the woman already in unlimited quantities.

Athenian youths were brought up at home until the age of sixteen, and when they reached adulthood, they were engaged in gymnastics and mental education, which was so easy and pleasant that it was even called music.

In addition to the above, Athenian citizens were charged with a strict duty to honor their parents; when a citizen was elected to any high state position, the law ordered that a preliminary inquiry be made whether he honors his parents and whether he scolds them, and if he scolds them, then with what words.

A person who applied for the rank of an ancient Greek councilor of state had to straighten out a certificate of respect for his aunts and sisters-in-law. This gave rise to a lot of inconvenience and difficulties for the plans of an ambitious person. Quite often a person was forced to give up the ministerial portfolio due to the whim of some old uncle who sells rotten Turkish delight in the bazaar. He will show that he was not respected enough, and the whole career will be kaput.

In addition, the higher authorities had to constantly inquire about what the citizens were doing and punish the idle people. It often happened that half the city sat without a sweet dish. The cries of the unfortunate were beyond description.

Pisistratus and Cleisthenes

Having approved his laws, Solon was not slow to travel.

His relative, the local aristocrat Pizistratus, took advantage of his absence, and began to tyrannize Athens with his eloquence.

Returning Solon vainly persuaded him to change his mind. Ruined Pizistratus did not listen to any arguments and did his job.

First of all, he founded the temple of Zeus in Lombardy and died without paying interest.

After him, his sons Hippias and Hipparchus, named after familiar horses (526 BC), inherited power. But they were soon partly killed, partly expelled from the fatherland.

Then Cleisthenes, the head of the people's party, came forward and earned the trust of the citizens, dividing them into ten phyla (instead of the previous four!) And each phylum into dimas. Peace and tranquility did not take long to reign in the country, tormented by unrest.

In addition, Cleisthenes came up with a way to get rid of unpleasant citizens through secret voting, or ostracism. So that the grateful people do not have time to try this nice innovation on their own back, the wise legislator went to travel.

Constantly dividing into phyla, dima and phratia, Athens quickly weakened, as Sparta weakened, without dividing exactly in any way.

"Wherever you throw it - everything is a wedge!" historians sighed.

Rest of Greece

Secondary Greek states followed the same path.

Monarchies were gradually replaced by more or less aristocratic republics. But the tyrants did not yawn either and from time to time seized the supreme power in their hands and, diverting the attention of the people from themselves with the construction of public buildings, strengthened their position, and then, having lost the latter, set off to travel.

Sparta soon realized its inconvenience of having two kings at the same time. During the war, the kings, wanting to curry favor, both went to the battlefield. and if at the same time they were both killed, then the people had to be taken again for unrest and civil strife, choosing a new couple.

If only one king went to war, then the second took the opportunity to smoke out his brother completely and take over Sparta completely.

It was something to lose your head.

The need for legislators to travel after the approval of each new law has greatly revitalized Greece.

Entire crowds of legislators visited one or the other neighboring country, arranging something like our contemporary excursions of rural teachers.

The surrounding countries went to meet legislative needs. They issued discounted circular tickets (Rundreise), made discounts at hotels. United Boat Company with limited liability"Memphis and Mercury" drove tourists for nothing and only asked them not to scandal and not to compose new laws during the journey.

Thus, the Greeks got acquainted with neighboring areas and arranged colonies for themselves.

Polycrates and fish pieces

On the island of Samos, the tyrant Polycrates became famous, who was tormented by sea fish. Whatever rubbish Polycrates threw into the sea, the fish immediately pulled it out in their own bellies.

Once he threw a large gold coin into the water. The next morning he was served fried salmon for breakfast. The tyrant cut it greedily. Oh God! In the fish lay his gold with interest for one day out of twelve per annum.

All this ended in great misfortune. According to historians, "shortly before his death, the tyrant was killed by a Persian satrap.

Madman Herostratus

The city of Ephesus was famous for its temple of the goddess Artemis. Herostratus burned this temple to glorify his name. But the Greeks, having learned for what purpose the terrible crime was committed, decided to consign the name of the criminal to oblivion as a punishment.

For this, special heralds were hired, who for many decades traveled all over Greece and announced the following order: “Do not dare to remember the name of the insane Herostratus, who burned the temple of the goddess Artemis out of ambition.”

The Greeks knew this order so well that it was possible to wake any of them at night and ask: “Who should you forget?” And he, without hesitation, would answer: "Mad Herostratus."

Thus the criminal ambitious man was justly punished.

From Greek colonies it should also be noted Syracuse, whose inhabitants were famous for the weakness of spirit and body.

Fighting Persians. Miltiades at Marathon

The Persian king Darius was very fond of fighting. In particular, he wanted to defeat the Athenians. In order not to forget somehow in household chores about these enemies of his, he teased himself. Every day at dinner, the servants forgot to put something on the table: either bread, or salt, or a napkin. If Darius made a remark to negligent servants, they answered him in chorus according to his own teaching: “And you, Daryushka, do you remember the Athenians? ..”

Irritating himself to a frenzy, Darius sent his son-in-law Mardonius with troops to conquer Greece. Mardonius was defeated and went on a journey, and Darius recruited a new army and sent him to Marathon, not realizing that Miltiades was found on Marathon. We will not expand on the consequences of this act.

All Greeks glorified the name of Miltiades. Nevertheless, Miltiades had to end his life with death. During the siege of Paros, he was wounded, and for this, his fellow citizens sentenced him to a fine, on the pretext that he de carelessly treated his skin, which belongs to the fatherland.

Before Miltiades had time to close his eyes, two men had already risen in Athens - Themistocles and Aristides.

Themistocles became famous for the fact that the laurels of Miltiades did not let him sleep (483 BC). Evil Athenian tongues assured that he simply skipped all night long and dumped everything on his laurels. Well, God be with him. In addition, Themistocles knew by name and patronymic of all eminent citizens, which was very flattering to the latter. Themistocles' letters were set as a model for the Athenian youth: "... And I also bow to my dad, Oligarch Kimonovich, and aunt Matrona Anempodistovna, and our nephew Kallimachus Mardarionovich, etc., etc."

Aristides, on the other hand, indulged exclusively in justice, but so zealously that he aroused legitimate indignation in his fellow citizens and, with the help of ostracism, set off to travel.

Leonidas at Thermopylae

King Xerxes, the successor of Darius Hystaspes, went to the Greeks with an innumerable (then they still did not know how to make a preliminary estimate) army. Built bridges across the Hellespont, but the storm destroyed them. Then Xerxes carved the Hellespont, and calm immediately settled in the sea. After that, cutting was introduced in all educational institutions.

Xerxes went to Thermopylae. The Greeks just had a holiday at that time, so there was no time to deal with trifles. They sent only the Spartan king Leonidas with a dozen fellows to protect the passage.

Xerxes sent to Leonidas with a demand to issue weapons. Leonid answered succinctly: "Come and take it."

The Persians came and took.

Soon the battle of Salamis took place. Xerxes watched the battle from his high throne.

Seeing how the Persians were beating him, the eastern despot fell head over heels from the throne and, having lost courage (480 BC), returned to Asia.

Then there was a battle near the city of Plataea. The oracles predicted defeat for the army that first entered the battle. The troops began to wait. But ten days later there was a characteristic crack. This broke the patience of Mardonius (479 BC), and he began the battle and was defeated utterly and in other parts of the body.

Times of hegemony

Thanks to the intrigues of Themistocles, hegemony passed to the Athenians. The Athenians, through ostracism, sent this lover of hegemonies to travel. Themistocles went to the Persian king Artaxerxes. He gave him large gifts in the hope of using his services. But Themistocles deceived the trust of the despot. He accepted the gifts, but instead of serving, he calmly poisoned himself.

Aristide also died soon after. The Republic buried him in the first class and gave his daughters a Solonian dowry: three dresses and modesty.

After Themistocles and Aristides in the Republic of Athens, Pericles came to the fore, who knew how to picturesquely wear his cloak.

This greatly raised the aesthetic aspirations of the Athenians. Under the influence of Pericles, the city was decorated with statues and splendor penetrated into the domestic life of the Greeks. They ate without knives and forks, and women were not present, since this spectacle was considered immodest.

Nearly every person had a philosopher at their dinner table. Listening to philosophical reasoning over a roast was considered as necessary for an ancient Greek as a Romanian orchestra is for our contemporaries.

Pericles patronized the sciences and went to the getter Aspasia to study philosophy.

In general, philosophers, even if they were not hetaerae, enjoyed great honor. Their sayings were written on the columns of the temple of Apollo at Delphi.

The best of these sayings are the philosopher Bias: “Do not do many things”, which supported many lazy people on their natural path, and the philosopher Thales of Miletus: “The guarantee will bring you care”, which many people remember when they put their form on a friendly bill with a trembling hand.

Pericles died of a pestilence. Friends gathered at his deathbed loudly recited his merits. Pericles told them:

- You forgot the best thing: "In my life I did not force anyone to wear a mourning dress."

With these words, the brilliant eloquent wanted to say that he had never died in his life.

Alcibiades

Alcibiades was known for his wild lifestyle and, in order to earn the trust of the citizens, cut off the tail of his dog.

Then the Athenians, as one man, entrusted Alcibiades with command of the fleet. Alcibiades had already gone to war when they returned him, forcing him to serve first for the street scandal he had caused before leaving. He fled to Sparta, then repented and fled again to Athens, then repented of thoughtless repentance and fled again to Sparta, then again to Athens, then to the Persians, then to Athens, then again to Sparta, from Sparta to Athens.

He ran like crazy, developing incredible speed and crushing everything in his path. The tailless dog could hardly keep up with him and died on the fifteenth run (412 BC). Above it is a monument on which the Spartans inscribed succinctly: "Wanderer, I died."

For a long time Alcibiades ran like a madman from Sparta to Athens, from Athens to the Persians. The unfortunate had to be shot out of pity.

One day, an Athenian sculptor unexpectedly had a son, nicknamed Socrates for his wisdom and love of philosophy. This Socrates did not pay attention to cold and heat. But that was not his wife Xanthippe. A rude and uneducated woman froze during the cold and steamed out from the heat. The philosopher treated the shortcomings of his wife with imperturbable composure. Once, angry with her husband, Xanthippe poured a bucket of slop over his head (397 BC).

The citizens sentenced Socrates to death. The disciples advised the venerable philosopher to travel better. But he refused due to old age and began to drink hemlock until he died.

Many assure that Socrates cannot be blamed for anything, because he was entirely invented by his student Plato. Others include his wife Xanthippus (398 B.C.) in this story.

Macedonia

Macedonians lived in Macedonia. Their king, Philip of Macedon, was a clever and dexterous ruler. In the ceaseless military endeavors he lost his eyes, chest, side, arms, legs and throat. Often difficult situations made him lose his head, so that the brave warrior remained completely light and ruled the people with the help of one abdominal barrier, which, however, could not stop his energy.

Philip of Macedon decided to conquer Greece and began his intrigues. The orator Demosthenes spoke out against him, who, having filled his mouth with small pebbles, convinced the Greeks to resist Philip, after which he took water in his mouth. This way of speaking is called the Philippics (346 B.C.).

Philip's son was Alexander the Great. The cunning Alexander was born on purpose just on the night when the mad Greek Herostratus burned down the temple; he did this in order to join Herostratus glory, which he completely succeeded in doing.

Alexander from childhood loved luxury and excesses and got himself a Bucephalus.

Having won many victories, Alexander fell into a strong autocracy. Once his friend Clitus, who once saved his life, reproached him for ingratitude. To prove the contrary, Alexander immediately killed the injustice with his own hand.

Shortly thereafter, he killed some of his friends, fearing reproaches of ingratitude. The same fate befell the commander Parmenion, his son Philo, the philosopher Callisthenes and many others. This intemperance in killing friends undermined the health of the great conqueror. He fell into excess and died much earlier than his death.

Geographical image of Italy

Italy looks like a shoe with a very warm climate.

Beginning of Rome

In Alabalong, the good-natured Numitor reigned, whom the evil Amulius overthrew from the throne. Numitor's daughter, Rhea Sylvia, was made a vestal. Nevertheless, Rhea gave birth to two twins, whom she recorded in the name of Mars, the god of war, since the bribes are smooth. Rhea was buried in the ground for this, and the children began to be brought up either by a shepherd or a she-wolf. Here historians differ. Some say that they were fed by a shepherd with the milk of a she-wolf, others - that a she-wolf on shepherd's milk. The boys grew up and, spurred on by the she-wolf, founded the city of Rome.

At first, Rome was very small - an arshin and a half, but then it quickly grew and acquired senators.

Romulus killed Remus. The senators took Romulus alive to heaven and asserted their power.

Public institutions

The Roman people were divided into patricians, who had the right to use public fields, and plebeians, who received the right to pay taxes.

In addition, there were also proletarians, about whom it is inappropriate to expand.

Brothers Tarquiniev and K0

In Rome, several kings successively changed. One of them - Servius Tullius - was killed by his son-in-law Tarquinius, who became famous for his sons. The sons under the firm "Brothers Tarquiniev and Co." were distinguished by a violent character and insulted the honor of the local Lucretius. The narrow-minded father was proud of his sons, for which he was nicknamed Tarquinius the Proud.

In the end, the people were indignant, changed royal power and expelled Tarquinius. He went on a trip with the whole company. Rome became an aristocratic republic.

But for a long time Tarquinius did not want to come to terms with his share and went to war against Rome. He managed, among other things, to arm the Etruscan king Porsena against the Romans, but a certain Mucius Scaevola ruined the whole thing for him.

Muzzio decided to kill Porsena and made his way to his camp, but absent-mindedly killed someone else. Hungry during this event, Muzzio began to cook his own supper, but instead of a piece of beef, absentmindedly, he put his own hand into the fire.

King Porsena pulled his nose (502 BC): "It smells of fried!" I went to the smell and opened Mucius.

- What are you doing, unfortunate?! exclaimed the shocked king.

"I'm cooking my supper," answered the laconically absent-minded young man.

Are you going to eat this meat? Porsena continued to be horrified.

“Of course,” Muzzio answered with dignity, still not noticing his mistake. This is the favorite breakfast of Roman tourists.

Porsena became confused and retreated with heavy losses.

But Tarquinius did not soon calm down. He continued to run. The Romans finally had to tear Cincinnatus from the plow. This painful operation gave good results. The enemy was pacified.

Nevertheless, the wars with the Tarquinian sons undermined the welfare of the country. The plebeians became impoverished, went to the Sacred Mountain and threatened that they would build their own city, where everyone would be his own patrician. They were hardly reassured by a fable about the stomach.

Meanwhile, the decemvirs wrote the laws on copper boards. First by ten, then two more were added for strength.

Then they began to try the strength of these laws, and one of the legislators insulted Virginia. Virginia's father tried to remedy the situation by stabbing his daughter in the heart, but this did not bring any benefit to the unfortunate woman. The bewildered plebeians again went to the Sacred Mountain. The Decemvirs set off to travel.

Roman Geese and Runaways

Countless hordes of Gauls moved to Rome. The Roman legions were confused and, turning to flight, hid in the city of Veyah, the rest of the Romans went to bed. The Gauls took advantage of this and climbed onto the Capitol. And here they became a victim of their ignorance. Geese lived on the Capitol, and when they heard the noise, they began to cackle.

- Alas for us! - said the leader of the barbarians, hearing this chuckle. “The Romans are already laughing at our defeat.

And immediately retreated with heavy losses, carrying off the dead and wounded.

Seeing that the danger had passed, the Roman fugitives got out of their Wei and, trying not to look at the geese (they were ashamed), said a few immortal phrases about the honor of the Roman weapons.

After the Gallic invasion, Rome was heavily devastated. The plebeians again withdrew to the Sacred Mountain and again threatened to build their city. The case was settled by Manlius Capitolinus, but did not have time to travel in time and was thrown off the Tarpeian rock.

Then the Licinian Laws were issued. The patricians did not pass new laws for a long time, and the plebeians many times went to the Sacred Mountain to listen to the fable about the stomach.

King Pyrrhus

Pyrrhus, king of Epirus, landed in Italy with a vast army led by twenty war elephants. The Romans were defeated in the first battle. But King Pyrrhus was not satisfied with this.

What an honor when there is nothing to eat! he exclaimed. “One more such victory and I will be left without an army. Isn't it better to be defeated, but to have an army in full collection?

The elephants approved of Pyrrhus's decision, and the whole company, without special work was expelled from Italy.

Punic Wars

Wanting to take possession of Sicily, the Romans entered the struggle with Carthage. Thus began the first war between the Romans and the Carthaginians, nicknamed Punic for a change.

The first victory belonged to the Roman consul Dunlius. The Romans thanked him in their own way: they decided that a man with a lit torch and a musician playing the flute should accompany him everywhere. This honor greatly embarrassed Dunlius in his household items and make love Unhappy quickly fell into insignificance.

This example had a detrimental effect on other commanders, so that during the second Punic War the consuls, out of fear of earning a flute with a torch, courageously retreated before the enemy.

The Carthaginians, led by Hannibal, attacked Rome. Scipio, the son of Publius (who does not know Publius?), repelled the Punic attack with such fervor that he received the title of African.

In 146, Carthage was destroyed and burned. Scipio, a relative of the African, looked at the burning Carthage, thought about Rome and recited about Troy; since it was very difficult and difficult, he even cried.

Change of temper and Cato

The strength of the Roman state was greatly facilitated by the moderation in the way of life and the firmness of the character of the citizens. They were not ashamed of work, and their food was meat, fish, vegetables, fruits, poultry, spices, bread and wine.

But in the course of time all this changed, and the Romans fell into the effeminacy of morals. They adopted many things harmful to themselves from the Greeks. They began to study Greek philosophy and go to the bath (135 BC).

The stern Cato rebelled against all this, but was caught by fellow citizens who caught him playing the Greek extemporal.

Marius and Sulla

Countless hordes of Cimbri appeared on the northern borders of Italy. It was the turn of Mary and Sulla to save the fatherland.

Marius was very fierce, loved the simplicity of everyday life, did not recognize any furniture and always sat right on the ruins of Carthage. He died at a ripe old age from excessive drinking.

Such was not the fate of Sulla. The brave commander died on his estate from an intemperate life.

Lucullus and Cicero

Meanwhile, in Rome, proconsul Lucullus advanced with his feasts. He treated his friends with ant tongues, mosquito noses, elephant nails and other small and indigestible food and quickly fell into insignificance.

Rome, on the other hand, almost became the victim of a great conspiracy, headed by the debt-laden aristocrat Catiline, who planned to seize the state in his own hands.

The local Cicero opposed him and destroyed the enemy with the help of his eloquence.

The people were then unpretentious, and even such hackneyed phrases as ... "O tempora, o mores" acted on the hearts of the listeners. Cicero was presented with the rank of "father of the fatherland" and a man with a flute was assigned to him.

Julius Caesar and the first triumvirate

Julius Caesar was by birth an educated man and attracted the hearts of people.

But under his appearance was hidden ardent ambition. Most of all he wanted to be the first in some village. But it was very difficult to achieve this, and he launched various intrigues in order to be the first even in Rome. To do this, he entered into a triumvirate with Pompey and Crassus and, having retired to Gaul, began to win the favor of his soldiers.

Crassus soon died, and Pompey, tormented by envy, demanded the return of Caesar to Rome. Caesar, not wanting to part with the won disposition of the soldiers, led the latter with him. Having reached the Rubicon River, Julius squirmed for a long time (51 - 50 BC) in front of her, finally said: “The die is cast” - and climbed into the water.

Pompey did not expect this and quickly fell into insignificance.

Then Cato came out against Caesar, a descendant of the same Cato who was convicted of Greek grammar. He, like his ancestor, was very unlucky. It was their family. He retired to Utica, where he bled to death.

In order to somehow distinguish him from his ancestor, and at the same time honor his memory, he was given the nickname Utsky. Small consolation for the family!

Dictatorship and death of Caesar

Caesar celebrated his victories and became dictator in Rome. He did a lot of good for the country. First of all, he reformed the Roman calendar, which was in great disorder from inaccurate time, so that in another week there were four Mondays in a row, and all the Roman shoemakers were drunk to death; otherwise, two months on the twentieth day would suddenly disappear, and the officials, sitting without pay, fell into insignificance. The new calendar was called Julian and had 365 consecutive days.

The people were pleased. But a certain Junius Brutus, Caesar's hanger-on, who dreamed of having seven Fridays a week, plotted against Caesar.

Caesar's wife, who had an ominous dream, asked her husband not to go to the Senate, but his friends said that it was indecent to skimp on duties because of women's dreams. Caesar went. In the Senate, Cassius, Brutus, and a senator named simply Casca attacked him. Caesar wrapped himself in his cloak, but, alas, this precaution did not help either.

Then he exclaimed: "And you, Brutus!" According to the historian Plutarch, at the same time he thought: “I didn’t do enough good for you, you pig, that you are now climbing on me with a knife!”

Then he fell at the feet of the Pompeian statue and died in 44 BC.

Octavius and the second triumvirate

At this time, Caesar's nephew and heir Octavius returned to Rome. However, the ardent Anthony, Caesar's friend, managed to grab the inheritance, leaving one old vest to the rightful heir. Octavius was, according to historians, a man of small stature, but nevertheless very cunning. He immediately used the waistcoat he received from the ardent Antony as gifts for Caesar's veterans, which attracted them to his side. A small fraction also fell to the aged Cicero, who began to smash Antony with the same speeches that he once smashed Catiline. Again went on stage "O tempora, o mores". The cunning Octavius flattered the old man and said that he regarded him as a papa.

Using the old man, Octavius threw off his mask and entered into an alliance with Antony. Another Lepidus clung to them, and a new triumvirate was formed.

Ardent Antony soon got into the net Egyptian queen Cleopatra and fell into a pampered lifestyle.

The cunning Octavius took advantage of this and went to Egypt with countless hordes.

Cleopatra sailed out on her ships and participated in the battle, looking at Antony with green, purple, purple, yellow eyes. But during the battle, the queen remembered that she had forgotten the keys to the pantry, and ordered the ships to turn their bows home.

Octavius was triumphant and appointed a man with a flute to himself.

Cleopatra began to arrange her nets for him. She sent a maid to the ardent Anthony with the following words: "The lady ordered you to say that they had died." Antony fell on his sword in horror.

Cleopatra continued to spread her nets, but Octavius, despite his small stature, steadfastly rejected her tricks.

Octavius, who received the name of Augustus for all of the above, began to rule the state indefinitely. But he did not accept the royal title.

- For what? - he said. “Call me Emperor for short.

Augustus embellished the city with baths and sent the general Varus with three legions into the Teutoburg Forest, where he was defeated.

Augustus, in desperation, began to beat his head against the wall, singing: "Var, Var, give me back my legions."

The so-called "Barbarian gap" quickly formed in the wall (9 BC), and Augustus said:

“One more defeat like that and I'll be left without a head.

The Augustan dynasty indulged in pomp and quickly fell into insignificance.

Caligula, the son of Germanicus, surpassed his predecessors in idleness. He was too lazy even to chop off the heads of his subjects, and he dreamed that all mankind had one head, which he could hastily chop off.

This sloth, however, found time to torture animals. so, his best horse, on which he himself rode and carried water, he forced to sit in the Senate in the evenings.

After his death (through the mediation of a bodyguard), both people and horses breathed more freely.

Caligula's uncle Claudius, who inherited the throne, was distinguished by a weakness of character. Taking advantage of this, those close to Claudius wrested the death sentence for his wife - the depraved Messalina - and married him to the deeply corrupted Agrippina. From these wives Claudius had a son, Britannicus, but Nero, the son of the deeply corrupted Agrippina from his first marriage, succeeded to the throne.

Nero devoted his youth to the extermination of relatives. Then he gave himself up to art and a shameful way of life.

During the fire of Rome, he, like everyone else, ancient roman(Greek too) could not resist reciting the fire of Troy. For which he was suspected of arson.

In addition, he sang so out of tune that the most false souls of the courtiers could not sometimes endure this insult to the eardrum. The shameless goat at the end of his life started to go on tour to Greece, but then even the accustomed legions were outraged, and Nero, with great displeasure, pierced himself with a sword. Dying from lack of self-criticism, the tyrant exclaimed: “What great artist dies."

After the death of Nero, troubles set in, and within two years three emperors changed in Rome: Galba, who was killed by a soldier for stinginess, Otto, who died from a depraved life, and Vitellius, who distinguished himself for his short but glorious kingdom by exorbitant gluttony.

This diversity in the monarchy greatly interested the Roman soldiers. It was fun for them, getting up in the morning, to ask the platoon commander: “And who, uncle, reigns with us today?”

Subsequently, much confusion arose, since the kings changed too often, and it happened that a new king came to the throne when his predecessor had not yet had time to properly die.

Tsars were chosen by soldiers according to their own taste and fear. They were taken for large growth, for physical strength for the ability to speak strongly. Then they began to directly trade in thrones and sold it to the one who would give the most. In the "Roman Herald" ("Nuntius Romanus"), ads were printed all the time:

“A good throne is given away cheaply, sparsely maintained, for a reasonable price.”

Or: “I am looking for a throne here or in the province. I have a deposit. I agree to leave."

At the gates of Roman houses, tickets were full of:

“The throne is for rent for lonely. Ask Unter Mardaryan.

Rome rested somewhat during the reign of the meek and timid emperor, nicknamed Nerva, and again fell into despair when Commodus climbed the throne.

Chest of drawers had great physical strength and decided to fight in the local Fars.

The "Roman Bourse" ("Bursiania Romana") published government-inspired articles about the exploits of Commodus.

"... And now the massive furniture rolls in a ball, intertwining with the Illyrian lizard and rewarding the latter with sparkling pasta and double nelsons."

Close people hurried to get rid of the uncomfortable chest of drawers. He was suffocated.

Finally, the emperor Diocletian reigned, having meekly burned Christians for twenty years in a row. This was his only shortcoming.

Diocletian was from Dalmatia and the son of a freedman. One soothsayer predicted to him that he would take the throne when he killed the boar.

These words sunk into the soul of the future emperor, and for many years he did nothing but chase pigs. Once, having heard from someone that Prefect Apr was a real pig, he immediately slaughtered the prefect and immediately sat on the throne.

Thus, the meek emperor was famously remembered only by pigs. But these troubles so tired the aged monarch that he reigned for only twenty years, then renounced the throne and went to his homeland in Dalmatia to plant radishes, enticing his co-ruler Maximian to this useful occupation. But he soon again asked for the throne. Diocletian remained firm.

“Friend,” he said. - If you could see what a turnip has been born today! Well, turnip! One word - turnip! Am I up to the kingdom now? A man cannot keep up with the garden, and you climb with nothing.

And indeed, he grew an outstanding turnip (305 A.D.).

Roman life and culture

Population classes

The population of the Roman state mainly consisted of three classes:

1) noble citizens (nobelas);

2) humble citizens (suspicious person) and

Noble citizens had a lot of major advantages over other citizens. First, they had the right to pay taxes. The main advantage was the right to exhibit wax images of ancestors at home. In addition, they had the right to organize public celebrations and festivities at their own expense.

Ignorant citizens lived poorly. They did not have the right to pay any taxes, did not have the right to serve as soldiers, and sadly grew rich in trade and industry.

Slaves cultivated the fields peacefully and staged uprisings.

In addition, there were also senators and horsemen in Rome. They differed from each other in that the senators sat in the Senate, and the riders were on horseback.

The Senate was the place where the senators and the royal horses sat.

Consuls were required to be over forty years of age. This was their main quality. The consuls were accompanied everywhere by a retinue of twelve people with rods in their hands as an emergency, if the consul wanted to whip someone away from the wooded area.

The praetors disposed of the rod allowance for only six persons.

Military art

The magnificent organization of the Roman army contributed a lot to military victories.

main part legions were the so-called principles - experienced veterans. Therefore, the Roman soldiers were convinced from the first steps how harmful it is to compromise their principles.

Legions generally consisted of brave warriors who were confused only at the sight of the enemy.

religious institutions

Among the Roman institutions, the first place was occupied by religious institutions.

The head priest was called pontifex maximus, which did not prevent him from time to time from fooling his flock with various tricks based on dexterity and agility of hands.

Then followed the priests of the augurs, who were distinguished by the fact that, when they met, they could not look at each other without smiling. Seeing their cheerful faces, the rest of the priests snorted into their sleeves. The parishioners, who had figured out something in Greek tricks, were dying with laughter, looking at this whole company.

The pontifex maximus himself, glancing at one of his subordinates, only waved his hand helplessly and trembled with flabby senile laughter.

At the same time, the Vestal Virgins also giggled.

It goes without saying that because of this eternal cackling, the Roman religion quickly weakened and fell into decay. No nerves could withstand such a tickling.

Vestals were priestesses of the goddess Vesta. They were chosen from the girls of a good family and served at the temple, observing chastity until the age of seventy-five. After this period, they were allowed to marry.

But the Roman youths so respected such a tried and tested chastity that few of them dared to encroach on it, even flavored with a double Solon dowry (six dresses and two modesty).

If the vestal violated her vow ahead of time, then she was buried alive, and her children, recorded on different Mars, were raised by she-wolves. Knowing the brilliant past of Romulus and Remus, the Roman vestals greatly appreciated the pedagogical abilities of the she-wolves and considered them to be something like our learned chapels.

But the hopes of the Vestals were in vain. Their children no longer founded Rome. As a reward for chastity, the Vestal Virgins received honor and back marks in theaters.

Gladiatorial battles were originally considered a religious rite and were held at burial places "to reconcile the body of the deceased." That is why our fighters, when they perform in the parade, always have such funeral faces: atavism is clearly manifested here.

While worshiping their gods, the Romans did not forget the foreign gods. Out of a habit of grabbing where something is bad, the Romans often grabbed other people's gods for themselves.

The Roman emperors, taking advantage of this love of God of their people and deciding that you can’t spoil porridge with butter, introduced the adoration of their own person. After the death of each emperor, the senate ranked him among the gods. Then they reasoned that it was much more convenient to do this while the emperor was still alive: the latter could thus build a temple for himself to his liking, while the ancient gods had to be content with anything.

In addition, no one could so zealously follow the festivities and religious ceremonies established in his name, as God himself, who was personally present. This was very encouraging for the congregation.

Philosophical schools

Not only philosophers were engaged in philosophy in Rome: every father of the family had the right to philosophize at home.

In addition, everyone could attribute himself to some kind of philosophical school. One considered himself a Pythagorean because he ate beans, the other an Epicurean because he drank, ate and made merry. Every shameless person assured that he was doing nasty things only because he belonged to the cynical school. Among the important Romans there were many Stoics, who had a repulsive habit of calling guests and immediately opening their veins during the cake. This unscrupulous reception was considered the height of hospitality.

Home life and the position of women

The dwellings of the Romans were very modest: a one-story house with holes instead of windows - simple and cute. The streets were very narrow, so that the chariots could only go in one direction so as not to meet each other.

Roman food was simple. They ate twice a day: at noon a snack (prandium), and at four o'clock lunch (coena). In addition, in the morning they had breakfast (frishtik), in the evening they had dinner and between meals they starved a worm. This harsh lifestyle made the Romans healthy and long-lived people.

Expensive and tasty dishes were delivered to Rome from the provinces: peacocks, pheasants, nightingales, fish, ants, and the so-called "Trojan pigs" - porcns trojanus - in memory of the very pig that Paris planted to the Trojan king Menelaus. Without this pig, not a single Roman sat at the table.

At first, Roman women were in complete submission to their husbands, then they began to please not so much their husband as his friends, and often even enemies.

Having left the upbringing of children to the slaves, their she-wolves, the Roman matrons made acquaintance with Greek and Roman literature and excelled in playing the zither.

Divorces occurred so often that sometimes the matron did not have time to finish the marriage with one man, as she was already marrying another.

Contrary to all logic, this polygamy increased, according to historians, “the number of single men and reduced childbearing,” as if only married men, not at married women!

The people were dying. Careless matrons frolicked, not caring a lot about childbearing.

It ended badly. For several years in a row, only Vestals gave birth. The government was alarmed.

Emperor Augustus reduced the rights of single men, and married men, on the contrary, allowed themselves to allow themselves a lot of excess. But all these laws have not led exactly to anything. Rome is dead.

Upbringing

The education of the Romans in the flourishing era of the state was set very strictly. Young people were required to be modest and obedient to their elders.

In addition, if they did not understand something, they could ask someone for an explanation during a walk and listen respectfully to it.

When Rome fell into decline, the education of the youth was also shaken. It began to learn grammar and eloquence, and this greatly spoiled its temper.

Literature

Literature flourished in Rome and developed under the influence of the Greeks.

The Romans were very fond of writing, and since slaves wrote for them, almost every Roman who had a literate slave was considered a writer.

In Rome, the newspaper "Nuncius Romanus" - "The Roman Herald" was published, in which Horace himself wrote feuilletons on the topic of the day.

The emperors, too, did not disdain literature and occasionally placed in the newspaper some kind of prank of a powerful pen.

One can imagine the awe of the editors when the emperor, at the head of his legions, appeared on the appointed day for a fee.

Writers in those days, despite the lack of censorship, had a very difficult time. If an aesthete sat on the throne, he, for the slightest error in style or literary form ordered the unfortunate poet to hang himself. There was no question of any jail terms or replacements with a fine.

Usually the emperors demanded that every literary work in a brilliant and convincing form should treat the merits of his person.

This made literature very monotonous, and the books sold poorly.

Therefore, writers liked to lock themselves somewhere in silence and solitude, and from there already give free rein to their pen. On, having given free rein, they immediately undertook a journey.

One nobleman named Petronius made a ridiculous attempt to publish in Rome (hard to believe!) Satyricon! The madman imagined that this journal might be as successful in the first century A.D. as in the twentieth century A.D.

Petronius had sufficient means (every day he ate mosquito eyebrows in sour cream, accompanying himself on the zither), he had both education and endurance of character, but, despite all this, he could not wait twenty centuries. He went bankrupt with his untimely undertaking and, having satisfied the subscribers, died, moreover, he released blood from his veins on his friends.

“The Satyricon will wait for the most worthy,” were the last words of the great seer.

The science of law

When more or less all the poets and writers hanged themselves, one branch of Roman science and literature reached its highest stage of development, namely, the science of law.

In no country was there such a mass of jurists as in Rome, and the need for them was very great.

Every time that the one who killed his predecessor came to the throne new emperor, which sometimes happened several times a year, the best lawyers had to write a legal justification for this crime for public promulgation.

Composing such a justification for the most part was very difficult: it required special Roman legal knowledge, and many jurists laid down their violent heads on this matter.

Thus lived the peoples of antiquity, passing from cheap simplicity to costly splendor and, developing, fell into insignificance.

Patterns of Oral Questions and Written Problems for Revisiting Ancient History

1. Indicate the difference between the statue of Memnon and the Pythia.

2. To trace the influence of agriculture on Persian women.

3. Indicate the difference between False Smerdiz and simple Smerdiz.

4. Draw a parallel between the suitors of Penelope and the first Punic war.

5. Point out the difference between the depraved Messalina and the deeply corrupted Agrippina.

6. List how many times the Roman legions faltered and how many times they were confused.

7. Express yourself several times succinctly without prejudice to your own personality (exercise).

Foreword

What is history as such - there is no need to explain, since this should be known to everyone with mother's milk. But what is ancient history - a few words need to be said about this.
It is difficult to find a person in the world who, at least once in his life, in scientific terms, would not get involved in some kind of story. But no matter how long ago this happened to him, nevertheless, we have no right to call the incident that happened ancient history. For in the face of science everything has its own strict subdivision and classification.
Let's say in short:
a) ancient history is such a history that happened extremely long ago;
b) ancient history is the history that happened to the Romans, Greeks, Assyrians, Phoenicians and other peoples who spoke stillborn languages.
Everything that concerns ancient times and about which we know absolutely nothing is called the prehistoric period.
Scientists, although they know absolutely nothing about this period (because if they knew, it would have to be called historical), nevertheless, they divide it into three centuries:
1) stone, when people used bronze to make stone tools for themselves;
2) bronze, when bronze tools were made with the help of stone;
3) iron, when iron tools were made with the help of bronze and stone.
In general, inventions were then rare and people were slow to invent; therefore, they invent a little something - now they also call their century by the name of the invention.
In our time, this is no longer conceivable, because every day the name of the century would have to be changed: the age of Piliuliar, the flat tire age, the Syndeticon age, etc., etc., which would immediately cause strife and international wars.
In those times, about which absolutely nothing is known, people lived in huts and ate each other; then, having strengthened and developed the brain, they began to eat the surrounding nature: animals, birds, fish and plants. Then, divided into families, they began to fence themselves with palisades, through which at first they quarreled for many centuries; then they began to fight, started a war, and thus a state, a state, a state life arose, on which the further development of citizenship and culture is based.
Ancient peoples are divided by skin color into black, white and yellow.
Whites, in turn, are divided into:
1) the Aryans, descended from Noah's son Japheth and named so that it was not immediately possible to guess who they came from;
2) Semites - or without the right of residence - and
3) Hamites, people in a decent society not accepted
Usually history is always divided chronologically from such and such to such and such a period. You can’t do this with ancient history, because, firstly, no one knows anything about it, and secondly, the ancient peoples lived stupidly, dangled from one place to another, from one era to another, and all this without railways without order, reason or purpose. Therefore, scientists came up with the idea to consider the history of each nation separately. Otherwise, you will get so confused that you will not get out.

East

Egypt

Egypt is located in Africa and has long been famous for its pyramids, sphinxes, the flooding of the Nile and Queen Cleopatra.
Pyramids are pyramid-shaped buildings that were erected by the pharaohs for their glorification. The pharaohs were caring people and did not trust even the closest people to dispose of their corpse at their discretion. And, barely out of infancy, the pharaoh was already looking after himself a secluded place and began to build a pyramid for his future ashes.
After death, the body of the pharaoh was gutted from the inside with great ceremonies and stuffed with aromas. Outside, they enclosed it in a painted case, put it all together in a sarcophagus and placed it inside the pyramid. From time to time, that small amount of pharaoh, which was enclosed between the fragrances and the case, dried up and turned into a hard membrane. This is how the ancient monarchs spent the people's money unproductively!

But fate is fair. In less than a few tens of thousands of years, the Egyptian population regained its prosperity by wholesale and retail trading in the mortal corpses of their overlords, and in many European museums one can see examples of these dried pharaohs, nicknamed mummies for their immobility. For a special fee, museum watchmen allow visitors to snap the mummy with their fingers.
Further, the ruins of temples serve as monuments of Egypt. Most of all, they were preserved on the site of ancient Thebes, nicknamed by the number of their twelve gates "hundred gates". Now, according to archaeologists, these gates have been converted into Arab villages. So sometimes the great turns into useful!
The monuments of Egypt are often covered with inscriptions that are extremely difficult to make out. Scientists therefore called them hieroglyphs.
The inhabitants of Egypt were divided into different castes. The priests belonged to the most important caste. It was very difficult to get into the priesthood. To do this, it was necessary to study geometry to the equality of triangles, including geography, which at that time embraced the space of the globe at least six hundred square miles.
The priests were up to their necks, because, in addition to geography, they also had to engage in worship, and since the Egyptians had an extremely large number of gods, it was sometimes difficult for a different priest to snatch at least an hour for geography in the whole day.
The Egyptians were not particularly choosy in giving divine honors. They deified the sun, the cow, the Nile, the bird, the dog, the moon, the cat, the wind, the hippopotamus, the earth, the mouse, the crocodile, the snake, and many other domestic and wild animals.
In view of this God-manyness, the most cautious and pious Egyptian every minute had to commit various blasphemy. Either he steps on a cat’s tail, or he clicks on a sacred dog, or he eats a holy fly in borscht. The people were nervous, dying out and degenerating.
Among the pharaohs there were many remarkable ones who glorified themselves with their monuments and autobiographies, not expecting this courtesy from their descendants.

Babylon

Babylon, famous for its pandemonium, was nearby.

Assyria

The main city of Assyria was Assur, named after the god Assur, who in turn received this name from the main city of Assu. Where is the end, where is the beginning - the ancient peoples, due to illiteracy, could not figure it out and did not leave any monuments that could help us in this bewilderment.
The Assyrian kings were very warlike and cruel. They struck their enemies most of all with their names, of which Assur-Tiglaf-Abu-Herib-Nazir-Nipal was the shortest and simplest. As a matter of fact, it was not even a name, but an abbreviated affectionate nickname, which was given to the young king by his mother for his small stature.
The custom of the Assyrian christening was as follows: as soon as the king gave birth to a male, female or other baby, immediately a specially trained clerk sat down and, taking wedges in his hands, began to write the name of the newborn on clay slabs. When, exhausted by labor, the clerk fell dead, he was replaced by another, and so on until the baby reached adulthood. By this time, his entire name was considered to be fully and correctly spelled to the end.
These kings were very cruel. Loudly calling out their name, before they conquered the country, they had already seated its inhabitants on stakes.

According to the surviving images, modern scholars see that the Assyrians had a very high hairdressing art, since all the kings had beards curled with even, neat curls.
If we take this issue even more seriously, then we can be even more surprised, since it is clear that in Assyrian times, not only people, but also lions did not neglect hairdressing tongs. For the Assyrians depict beasts always with the same manes and tails curled into curls, like the beards of their kings.
Indeed, the study of samples of ancient culture can bring significant benefits not only to people, but also to animals.
The last Assyrian king is considered, in abbreviated terms, Ashur-Adonai-Aban-Nipal. When the Medes besieged his capital, the cunning Ashur ordered a fire to be made in the square of his palace; then, laying all his property on him, he climbed upstairs himself with all the wives and, having secured himself, burned to the ground.
The frustrated enemies hurried to surrender.

Persians

Iran was inhabited by peoples whose names ended in "Yana": the Bactrians and the Medes, except for the Persians, who ended in "sy".
The Bactrians and the Medes quickly lost their courage and indulged in effeminacy, and the Persian king Astyages had a grandson, Cyrus, who founded the Persian monarchy.
Herodotus tells a touching legend about the youth of Cyrus.

One day Astyages dreamed that a tree grew out of his daughter. Struck by the indecency of this dream, Astyages ordered the magicians to unravel it. The magicians said that the son of the daughter of Astyages would reign over the whole of Asia. Astyages was very upset, because he wanted a more modest fate for his grandson.
- And through the gold tears flow! - he said and instructed his courtier to strangle the baby.
The courtier, who was up to his own business, entrusted this business to a shepherd friend. The shepherd, due to ignorance and negligence, mixed everything up and, instead of strangling, began to raise the child.
When the child grew up and began to play with his peers, he once ordered the son of a nobleman to be whipped. The nobleman complained to Astyages. Astyages became interested in the broad nature of the child. After talking with him and examining the victim, he exclaimed:
It's Kir! Only in our family they know how to flog like that.
And Cyrus fell into the arms of his grandfather.
Having entered the age, Cyrus defeated the king of the Lydian Croesus and began to fry him at the stake. But during this procedure, Croesus suddenly exclaimed:
- Oh, Solon, Solon, Solon!
This greatly surprised the wise Cyrus.
“Such words,” he confessed to his friends, “I have never heard from those roasting.
He beckoned Croesus to him and began to ask what it meant.
Then Croesus spoke. that he was visited by the Greek sage Solon. Wanting to throw dust in the sage's eyes, Croesus showed him his treasures and, to tease, asked Solon whom he considered the happiest person in the world.
If Solon were a gentleman, he would, of course, say "you, your majesty." But the sage was a simple-minded man, one of the narrow-minded, and blurted out that "before death, no one can say to himself that he is happy."
Since Croesus was a king developed beyond his years, he immediately realized that after death people rarely talk at all, so even then they would not have to boast of their happiness, and he was very offended by Solon.
This story greatly shocked the faint-hearted Cyrus. He apologized to Croesus and did not roast him.
After Cyrus, his son Cambyses reigned. Cambyses went to fight with the Ethiopians, went into the desert and there, suffering greatly from hunger, he ate his entire army little by little. Realizing the difficulty of such a system, he hastened to return to Memphis. There at that time they celebrated the opening of the new Apis.
At the sight of this healthy, well-fed bull, the king, emaciated on human flesh, rushed at him and pinned him with his own hand, and at the same time his brother Smerdiz, who was spinning under his feet.
One clever magician took advantage of this and, declaring himself False Smerdiz, immediately began to reign. Persians rejoiced:
- Long live our king False Smerdiz! they shouted.
At this time, King Cambyses, completely obsessed with beef, died from a wound that he inflicted on himself, wanting to taste his own meat.
Thus died that wisest of the Eastern despots.
After Cambyses, Darius Hystaspes reigned, who became famous for his campaign against the Scythians.

The Scythians were very brave and cruel. after the battle, feasts were held, during which they drank and ate from the skulls of freshly killed enemies.
Those of the warriors who did not kill a single enemy could not take part in the feast for lack of their dishes and watched the celebration from afar, tormented by hunger and remorse.
Upon learning of the approach of Darius Hystaspes, the Scythians sent him a frog, a bird, a mouse and an arrow.
With these unpretentious gifts, they thought to soften the heart of a formidable enemy.
But things took a completely different turn.
One of the warriors of Darius Hystaspes, who was very tired of hanging out with his master in foreign lands, undertook to interpret the true meaning of the Scythian message.
“It means that unless you Persians fly like birds, gnaw like a mouse, and jump like a frog, you will never return to your home.”
Darius could neither fly nor jump. He was scared to death and ordered to turn the shafts.
Darius Hystaspes became famous not only for this campaign, but also for his equally wise rule, which he led with the same success as military enterprises.
The ancient Persians were initially distinguished by their courage and simplicity of manners. Their sons were taught three subjects:
1) to ride;
2) to shoot from a bow and
3) tell the truth.
A young man who did not pass the exam in all these three subjects was considered an ignoramus and was not accepted into the civil service.
But little by little the Persians began to indulge in a pampered way of life. They stopped riding, forgot how to shoot from a bow, and, idly spending time, cut the truth-womb. As a result, the huge Persian state began to rapidly decline.
Previously, Persian youths ate only bread and vegetables. Corrupted, they demanded soup (330 BC). Alexander the Great took advantage of this and conquered Persia.

Greece

Greece occupies the southern part of the Balkan Peninsula.
Nature itself divided Greece into four parts:

1) northern, which is located in the north;
2) western - in the west;
3) eastern - not east and, finally,
4) southern, occupying the south of the peninsula.
This original division of Greece has long attracted the eyes of the entire cultural part of the world's population.
In Greece lived the so-called "Greeks".
They spoke in a dead language and indulged in writing myths about gods and heroes.
The favorite hero of the Greeks was Hercules, who became famous for cleaning the Augean stables and thus giving the Greeks an unforgettable example of cleanliness. In addition, this neat man killed his wife and children.
The second favorite hero of the Greeks was Oedipus, who out of absent-mindedness killed his father and married his mother. As a result, a pestilence spread throughout the country and everything was exposed. Oedipus had to gouge out his own eyes and travel with Antigone.
In southern Greece, the myth of the Trojan War, or "Beautiful Helena" was created in three acts with music by Offenbach.
It was like this: King Menelaus (comedian buff) had a wife, nicknamed for her beauty and because she wore a dress with a slit, Beautiful Helen. She was kidnapped by Paris, which Menelaus did not like very much. Then the Trojan War began.
The war was terrible. Menelaus turned out to be completely without a voice, and all the other heroes lied mercilessly.
Nevertheless, this war remained in the memory of grateful mankind; for example, the phrase of the priest Calchas: "Too many flowers" is still quoted by many feuilletonists, not without success.

The war ended thanks to the intervention of the cunning Odysseus. To enable the soldiers to get into Troy, Odysseus made a wooden horse and put the soldiers on it, and he left. The Trojans, tired of a long siege, were not averse to playing with a wooden horse, for which they paid. In the midst of the game, the Greeks got out of the horse and conquered the careless enemies.
After the destruction of Troy, the Greek heroes returned home, but not to their own delight. It turned out that during this time their wives chose new heroes for themselves and betrayed their husbands, whom they killed immediately after the first handshakes.
The cunning Odysseus, foreseeing all this, did not return directly home, but made a small detour at the age of ten in order to give his wife Penelope time to prepare for a meeting with him.
Faithful Penelope was waiting for him, whiled away the time with her suitors.
The suitors really wanted to marry her, but she reasoned that it was much more fun to have thirty suitors than one husband, and cheated the unfortunate, delaying the wedding day. During the day Penelope weaved, at night she flogged what was woven, and at the same time her son Telemachus. This story ended tragically: Odysseus returned.
The Iliad shows us the military side of Greek life. "Odyssey" draws everyday pictures and social customs.
Both of these poems are considered to be the works of the blind singer Homer, whose name was so highly respected in antiquity that seven cities disputed the honor of being his homeland. What a difference with the fate of our contemporary poets, who are often not averse to abandoning their own parents!
Based on the Iliad and the Odyssey, we can say the following about heroic Greece.
The population of Greece was divided into:
1) kings;
2) warriors and
3) people.
Each performed its function.
The king reigned, the soldiers fought, and the people expressed their approval or disapproval of the first two categories with a “mixed rumble”.
The king, usually a poor man, descended from the gods (poor consolation in an empty treasury) and supported his existence by more or less voluntary gifts.

The noble men surrounding the king also produced their kind from the gods, but to a more distant degree, so to speak, the seventh water on jelly.
In the war, these noble men came out ahead of the rest of the army and were distinguished by the splendor of their weapons. A helmet covered them from above, a shell in the middle and a shield on all sides. Dressed in this way, the noble husband rode into battle in a twin chariot with a coachman - calmly and comfortably, like in a tram.
Everyone fought scattered, each for himself, therefore, even the defeated could talk a lot and eloquently about their military exploits, which no one had seen.
In addition to the king, the soldiers and the people, there were also slaves in Greece, consisting of former kings, former soldiers and the former people.
The position of a woman among the Greeks was enviable compared with her position among the Eastern peoples.
On the Greek woman lay all the cares of the household, spinning, weaving, washing clothes and other various household chores, while Eastern women were forced to spend their time in idleness and harem pleasures among tiresome luxury.
The religion of the Greeks was political, and the gods were in constant communication with people, and in many families they visited often and quite easily. Sometimes the gods behaved frivolously and even indecently, plunging the people who invented them into woeful bewilderment.
In one of the ancient Greek prayer chants that have survived to this day, we clearly hear a mournful note:

Really, the gods
It makes you happy
When our honor
Somersault, somersault
Will it fly?!

The concept of the afterlife was very vague among the Greeks. The shadows of sinners were sent to the gloomy Tartarus (in Russian - to tartarars). The righteous blissed in Elysium, but so meagerly that Achilles, who was knowledgeable in these matters, frankly admitted: “It is better to be a day laborer on earth than to reign over all the shadows of the dead.” A reasoning that struck the whole ancient world with its commercialism.
The Greeks learned their future through oracles. The most revered oracle was in Delphi. Here the priestess, the so-called Pythia, sat down on the so-called tripod (not to be confused with the statue of Memnon), and, having gone into a frenzy, uttered incoherent words.
The Greeks, spoiled by fluent speech with hexameters, flocked from all over Greece to listen to incoherent words and reinterpret them in their own way.
The Greeks were judged in the Amphictyonic Court.
The court met twice a year; the spring session was at Delphi, the autumn session at Thermopylae.
Each community sent two jurors to the court. These jurors came up with a very tricky oath. Instead of promising to judge according to their conscience, not to take bribes, not to distort their souls and not to protect their relatives, they took the following oath: “I swear never to destroy the cities belonging to the Amphiktionov union, and never to deprive it of flowing water, either in peacetime or in war time".
Only and everything!
But it shows what superhuman strength the ancient Greek juror possessed. It didn't cost any of them even the most overwhelmed of them to destroy the city or stop the flowing water. Therefore, it is clear that the cautious Greeks did not pester them with oaths of bribes and other nonsense, but tried to neutralize these animals in the most important way.
The Greeks kept their chronology according to the most important events of their social life, that is, according to the Olympic Games. These games consisted in the fact that the ancient Greek youths competed in strength and dexterity. Everything went like clockwork, but then Herodotus started to read aloud passages from his history during the competition. This act had its due effect; the athletes relaxed, the public, hitherto rushing to the Olympics like crazy, refused to go there even for the money that the ambitious Herodotus generously promised her. The games stopped by themselves.

Sparta

Laconia constituted the southeastern part of the Peloponnese and got its name from the way the inhabitants there expressed themselves succinctly.
It was hot in Laconia in summer, cold in winter. This climate system, unusual for other countries, according to historians, contributed to the development of cruelty and energy in the character of the inhabitants.
The main city of Laconia was called Sparta for no reason.
Sparta had a moat filled with water so that the inhabitants could practice throwing each other into the water. The city itself was not surrounded by walls and: the courage of the citizens had to serve as its protection. This, of course, cost the local fathers of the city less than the worst palisade. The Spartans, cunning by nature, arranged it so that they always had two kings at the same time. The kings squabbled among themselves, leaving the people alone. The legislator Lycurgus put an end to this bacchanalia.
Lycurgus was of royal family and took care of his nephew.
At the same time, he constantly poked everyone in the eye with his justice. When the patience of those around him finally burst, Lycurgus was advised to travel. It was thought that the journey would develop Lycurgus and somehow affect his justice.
But, as they say, it's sickening together, but boring apart. Before Lycurgus had time to freshen up in the company of Egyptian priests, his compatriots demanded his return. Lycurgus returned and approved his laws in Sparta.
After that, fearing too warm gratitude from the expansive people, he hastened to starve himself to death.
Why leave to others what you can do yourself! were his last words.
The Spartans, seeing that bribes were smooth from him, began to pay divine honors to his memory.
The population of Sparta was divided into three estates: Spartans, perieks and helots.
The Spartans were local aristocrats, did gymnastics, went naked and generally set the tone.
Periakami gymnastics was banned. Instead, they paid taxes.
The helots, or, in the words of the local wits, the "under-Ek" had the worst of all. They cultivated the fields, went to war and often rebelled against their masters. The latter, in order to win them over to their side, came up with the so-called cryptia, that is, simply, at a certain hour, they killed all the helots they met. This remedy quickly forced the helots to come to their senses and live in complete contentment.
The Spartan kings enjoyed great respect but little credit. The people believed them only for a month, then forced them to swear allegiance to the laws of the republic again.
Since there were always two kings in Sparta and there was also a republic, all this together was called an aristocratic republic.
According to the laws of this republic, the Spartans were prescribed the most modest way of life according to their concepts. For example, men were not allowed to dine at home; they gathered in a merry company in the so-called restaurants - a custom observed by many people of an aristocratic fold in our time as a relic of hoary antiquity.
Their favorite food was black soup, prepared from pork broth, blood, vinegar and salt. This stew, as a historical memory of a glorious past, is still cooked in our Greek kitchens, where it is known as “brandakhlysta”.
In clothing, the Spartans were also very modest and simple. Only before the battle did they dress up in a more complex toilet, consisting of a wreath on their heads and a flute in their right hand. At the usual time, they denied themselves this.

Parenting

The upbringing of the children was very harsh. Most of the time they were killed immediately. This made them courageous and persistent.
They received the most thorough education: they were taught not to scream during the spanking. At the age of twenty, a Spartiate passed an exam in this subject for a matriculation certificate. At thirty he became a spouse, at sixty he was relieved of this duty.