Do not ask them to come and give everything. “Never ask for anything”: psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky explains which women men shower with gifts

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“Never ask for anything”: psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky explains which women men shower with gifts. Do you dream of becoming one of those at whose feet fans throw everything that money can buy? The instruction will consist of only two paragraphs.

1. Date the right men.

One of the qualities that women cannot stand in men is greed. Indeed, the greedy ones look very unpresentable: they count change for a long time, they are afraid to spend an extra penny and, in general, live a very limited psychological life.

This is a neurosis. And you can turn inside out, but such a man will not buy you anything. Firstly, because he feels sorry for the money, and secondly, because it seems to him that women are with him only because of the dough. Just don't deal with such flawed individuals.

2. Become a woman who wants to please.

Once I observed the situation with my own eyes: my friend brought the bride a diamond ring for 20 thousand dollars. She looked at it indifferently, put it on her finger, said: “Beautiful”, took it off, put it in a box and forgot where it was.

Then my friend asks her: “Did you like the ring at all?” She replies, "Yes." "Why don't you wear it?" "Do you want me to wear it? You know I don't really like rings…” What's going on?

The man does not see the excitement he expected when he bought the ring and remains in a state of dissatisfaction. He has to buy something else over and over again.

These are the women who want to give everything: they behave emphatically independently and do not ask for anything. They have written on their foreheads: "I don't need anything - I already have everything." And a man always wants to conquer a woman, demonstrating his great capabilities.

They may object to me: what about all these kept girls? After all, they don’t know how to do anything, they don’t have anything of their own - how do they demonstrate independence? I answer: they skillfully manipulate their lovers. They pretend that they, so beautiful and unusual, need to be constantly conquered.

“These are the women who want to give everything: they behave emphatically independently and do not ask for anything.”

Now let's talk about how not to behave. Remember famous phrase Bulgakov “Never ask for anything! Never and nothing, and especially for those who are stronger than you. They themselves will offer and give everything themselves!

He knows what he's talking about. For example, you walk with a man past a store and exclaim: “What Nice dress!" In his understanding, this is manipulation. He will pretend he didn't hear anything.

With women who are constantly begging for something, the conversation is: “What boots? Your boots are still normal. Fur coat? What happened to this coat? Did the moth gnaw her? You let this one last, and then we'll talk about the other. If you want to change the situation, stop whining.

“The idea that a woman can do without him makes a man absolutely vulnerable and defenseless.”

This is how I see the ideal scenario. Let's say you want a ring and say to your husband once: "Darling, buy me this ring." Whatever he says in response (“We don’t have money now”, “You already have a hundred rings), you don’t return to this topic anymore, you find the money yourself and buy yourself a ring.

I guarantee: if you do this, you will receive gifts from him to the grave. The idea that a woman can do without him makes a man absolutely vulnerable and defenseless.

When your husband starts to give you gifts, you will express restrained gratitude: “So touching. I'm pleasantly surprised, honey." This will return him to childhood, when he prepared a surprise for his mother on March 8, and this gift was needed not by his mother, but by his son - he was looking for her approval. And now, as if he would not carry an expensive ring to his wife, but the number "8", molded from plasticine. And in his eyes he will have only one: “Did I do it beautifully? Do you like it?"

A friend of mine, a well-known blogger, recently founded charitable foundation and turned to his friends on social networks with a request to disturb “some wealthy person I know” so that he would be financially involved in one very important problem.

It's easy to write "disturb a wealthy friend." It's hard to ask such people if it's not a close friend of yours...

At certain intervals, I turned to my former classmate, whom his fellow students call “Mr. Twister” behind his back, mainly with requests to give money for the treatment of children with oncological diseases of varying degrees of complexity. Each time he listened carefully to me, asked me to send documents (scans of medical reports, bills from foreign clinics, etc., sometimes - contacts of parents, and even, I know, he really called some. And as a result, he refused, not bothering to explain. Asking from time to time became more and more difficult, for two years I avoided this topic, our communication with him concerned the most different areas life, but not charity. I didn’t dare to ask questions (“Why did you study everything in such detail? So that you wouldn’t give money later?” I didn’t dare, because I thought: “What if then he did ...”

And here is another story, again we are looking for money for a seriously ill child, we call funds, everywhere different reasons refusal, time is running out ... I thought that two years is a sufficient period, and, gathering my courage, again turned to Mr. Twister for help. He again listened to everything carefully, again asked for documents, called the girl’s mother (in my presence) and a few days later transferred to the clinic’s account a large sum. The girl waited for her turn and left, the treatment has not yet been completed, but it is going well.

I can’t really explain, but it became terribly important for me to understand why. I waited for a while, came up with an insignificant excuse - and here we are sitting in his office, where he enthusiastically shows me photos of some of his latest acquisitions (passionate collector). Do you, I say, have you a drink - yes, yes, of course, right now ... more pictures, more drinks, I take a breath in my chest and finally ask this question: why? Why not five times, and the sixth - yes? .. My interlocutor immediately got bored, shook the cognac in a glass and, looking through the cognac, said: “You know ... she has a dog. And since childhood, I dreamed of having a dachshund.

We both know that I'm much more interested in this contact than he is. He is used to being asked. He's used to being rejected. He was slightly disappointed. However, I was not ashamed.

Believe him or not, I don't know. I know that sometimes it is precisely such ... details that detonate. The previous five did not hit the "top list" of his interests, simply because nothing affected him - so much. Is that a dog...

Returning to the beginning of this text - at the request of my blogger friend, I called Mr. Twister, he did not answer, the secretary in the office politely asked: "How to introduce you?" - and after a while said that, "unfortunately, NN will not be able to answer your call." "Can't today?" I clarified. The girl sang softly: "I find it difficult to answer, perhaps not only today." Hmm. Next time I will not ask any clarifying questions.

Bulgakov was categorical: “Never ask for anything! Never and nothing, especially for those who are stronger than you. They themselves will offer and give everything themselves. I am afraid that in this particular case this commandment is not justified. Even if you remember the episode about the “detonated dog” all your life, it’s painful to try to understand this selective logic (by the way, it’s a completely pointless exercise. It can only be more pointless to count other people’s money and figure out how many people Mr. Twister could help if he wanted to) - that’s all no reason not to ask. Stepping over yourself and going to the possible humiliation before a cold refusal is work, but it is also a chance. Not only to the one who suffers, but also to the one who gives, may his hand not fail.

Mikhail Bulgakov said "manuscripts do not burn", and he himself burned the first version of "The Master and Margarita". He advised not to ask the strong, but still he begged Krupskaya for a Moscow residence permit. Yes, he is controversial, but for this we love!

This May marked the 125th anniversary of the birth of the beloved Mikhail Bulgakov. Great opportunity to refresh your memory white guard", open "Theatrical Romance" and enjoy selected places novel The Master and Margarita. And you can also learn more about the life of a mystical, mysterious and very controversial author. ReadRate found seven slippery facts from his biography.

1. “Never ask for anything! Never and nothing, and especially for those who are stronger than you. They themselves will offer and give everything themselves!

Moscow housing problem spoiled everyone, including Bulgakov himself. He arrived in the capital in 1921 with a small suitcase and found shelter in his sister's apartment, a noisy communal apartment at Bolshaya Sadovaya, 10. As the author himself wrote, “a vile room of a vile house”, “a disgusting ceiling - low, sooty and cracked, but still a ceiling, and not a blue sky in the stars over Prechistensky Boulevard”. Of the neighbors, a moonshiner, a policeman, a prostitute Dusya, who rattled pots, staged fights and constantly scribbled denunciations on the writer. They had the right: the new tenant did not have a residence permit. What was left to do? I had to ask the boss Nadezhda Krupskaya for a residence permit. She was the head of the Glavpolitprosveta, in whose literary department Bulgakov worked. Krupskaya sent a short note to the House Committee “Please register,” and everything was quickly resolved.

2. “Do you judge by the costume? Never do this. You can make a mistake, and a very big one at that.”

The few surviving photographs show that Mikhail Bulgakov is an incredible dandy. Even many years later, GQ magazine speaks of him as an icon male style. Memoirs of Valentin Kataev about the costume of the "blue-eyed friend" are as follows: “he put on a bow tie, a colored waistcoat, button-down boots with a prunel top, and even, which seemed completely unbelievable, one day put a monocle in his eye”. And if about the monocle this is already a joke and bust (Bulgakov used it a couple of times to make his friends laugh), then about the suit pure truth. In the first years of their life in Moscow, the Bulgakovs had no money, they ate only potatoes and rode the tram like a hare, but it was a matter of honor for the writer to look good and not lose dignity.

3. "To each will be given according to his faith"

When it comes to the question of Bulgakov's relationship with faith, even the most reserved biographers lose their temper. They all argue who he was: a church man or a blasphemer, a heretic and a Satanist? Bulgakov's relationship with religion is indeed in the status of "everything is complicated." Both grandfathers are priests, father is a professor at the Kyiv Theological Academy. While the head of the family was alive, in a noisy large family all rituals were performed. Early death father caused an internal protest in Mikhail, he stopped observing fasts, and soon completely departed from religion. He married his first wife Tatyana Lappa according to all customs, congratulated relatives on the day of church name days, but limited himself to this. In prose, Bulgakov scolded priests and priests (“There are no other fools like your priests in the world”), but at the same time he read a lot theological literature. He was trying to soberly figure out who Jesus Christ was and whether his disciples correctly “conveyed” the basic Christian postulates to the rest. Bulgakov asked not to bury him church rites but he definitely had his own relationship with God. What was given to him according to "his faith" will continue to argue.

4. "All power is violence against people"

The person who wrote this was obsequious to Stalin, fawning in the only telephone conversation and with great seriousness composed a play about early years leader's life. 1930, Bulgakov is in despair. "Running", "Days of the Turbins", "Zoyka's apartment" were hacked to death, they were not hired anywhere. It was then that he wrote a letter to Stalin with a request to let him go abroad or finally give him a job. Stalin did not write back, but decided to call: shortly before this, Mayakovsky committed suicide, but how can this one also fire a bullet into himself? Bulgakov was frightened, fidgeted, said that he no longer wanted to go abroad, and believed that Stalin would save him. The author of Bulgakov's biography, writer Alexei Varlamov, considers this call to be the most tragic episode in the life of a writer, when everything that was perceived as a gift turned into a disaster. The writer believed in his chosenness, the leader's special attitude towards him. “He became dependent on Stalin. The result was terrible story with the play "Batum" about Stalin's youth. She really ruined Bulgakov. The refusal to stage "Batum" ahead of time brought him to the grave", says Varlamov.

5. "It's easy and pleasant to tell the truth"

The writer who put these words into the mouth of his character Yeshua Ha-Nozri did not always tell the truth about the people around him. For example, about Alexei Tolstoy, whom Bulgakov hated, but at the same time did not disdain his help to "promote" his name. Indeed, Bulgakov was opened by the Berlin newspaper Nakanune, it was there that the best lyrics, "Notes on Cuffs" were first published. The royalties from publications saved Bulgakov during the first famine years in Moscow. However, the writer called his benefactor nothing more than a “bastard”, and then he publicly ridiculed him in the “Theatrical Novel” in the image of Ishmael Bondarevsky. He did not dare to speak in the eyes, at general parties he looked at point-blank range and was silent, "ate with his eyes."

6. "Manuscripts don't burn"

At the same time, Bulgakov burned the first edition of the novel The Master and Margarita. And she, contrary to his assurances, burned down: in the hands of Bulgakov's widow Elena, only a couple of notebooks with pages torn off by half or two-thirds were left. " With his own hands he threw a draft of a novel about the devil into the stove", as he wrote in a letter to the Soviet government.

…Nonsense! It will pass in three hundred years.

…never ask for anything! Never and nothing, and especially for those who are stronger than you. They will offer and give everything themselves!

... but here is the question that worries me: if there is no God, then, one asks, who controls human life and the whole routine on earth? - The man himself controls

…he wasn't verbose this time. The only thing he said is that among human vices, he considers cowardice to be one of the most important.

…what would your good do if evil did not exist, and what would the earth look like if shadows disappeared from it?

In the early morning of the fourteenth day of the spring month of Nisan, in a white cloak with a bloody lining, shuffling with a cavalry gait, the procurator of Judea, Pontius Pilate, entered the covered colonnade between the two wings of the palace of Herod the Great.

In our country, atheism surprises no one

After all, you think how you can be dead.

Which country's wine do you prefer at this time of the day?

Everything will be right - the world is built on this

Everything was mixed up in the Oblonskys' house, as he rightly put it. famous writer Lev Tolstoy.

All power is violence against people.

The second freshness - that's nonsense! There is only one freshness - the first, it is also the last. And if the sturgeon is of the second freshness, then this means that it is rotten!

Do you judge by the costume? Never do this. You can make a mistake, and, moreover, very large.

Eyes are a big thing. Like a barometer. You can see everything in someone who has a great dryness in his soul, who for no reason, for nothing, can poke the toe of his boot into the ribs, and who himself is afraid of everyone.

Yes, man is mortal, but that would be half the trouble. The bad thing is that he is sometimes suddenly mortal, that's the trick!

Housekeepers know everything - it's a mistake to think they're blind.

Why chase in the footsteps of what is already over?

Evil people not in the world, there are only unhappy people.

The most interesting thing about this lie is that it is a lie from the first to the last word.

History will judge us.

Each will be rewarded according to his faith.

A brick will never fall on anyone's head for no reason.

Love jumped out in front of us, like a murderer jumping out of the ground in an alley, and hit us both at once! so strikes lightning, so strikes a Finnish knife!

People are like people. They love money, but it has always been... Mankind loves money, no matter what it is made of, whether it is leather, paper, bronze or gold. Well, frivolous ... well, well ... ordinary people... in general, they resemble the former ones ... the housing problem only spoiled them ...

Maestro! Cut the march!

We speak with you different languages, as always, but the things we are talking about do not change from this ...

I do not comprehend! We sat peacefully, quite quietly, had a snack ...

I don’t play pranks, I don’t touch anyone, I fix the stove, and I also consider it my duty to warn that the cat is an ancient and inviolable animal.

No document, no person.

No, wait... I know what I'm getting into. But I go for everything because of him, because for nothing in the world more hope I have no. But I want to tell you that if you destroy me, you will be ashamed! Yes, shame! I'm dying for love!

Never be afraid of anything. It's not wise

Never ask for anything Never and for nothing, and especially from those who are stronger than you. They will offer and give everything themselves!

Well, the one who loves must share the fate of the one he loves.

He didn't deserve the light, he deserved peace

She carried yellow flowers! Bad color.

I congratulate you, citizen, lie!

Excuse me ... would I allow myself to pour vodka for a lady? It's pure alcohol!

Go away. I haven’t drunk coffee yet, how am I going to leave?

It is easy and pleasant to speak the truth.

Festive midnight is sometimes nice to delay.

It's nice to hear that you treat the cat so politely. For some reason, cats usually say "you", although not a single cat has ever drunk brotherhood with anyone.

Manuscripts do not burn.

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Bulgakov tried to write at the age of 25 and, fortunately, could not stop. We call it the most mystical writer and a man who fiercely fought with Soviet power, albeit in their works. Not accepting the art of socialist realism, five-year plans and camps, he wrote for himself and for his grandchildren, wrote, as they say, on the table.

His novels have long been disassembled into quotes, and today we have collected 25 of the most significant of them about truth, people, love and life.

1. Never ask for anything! Never and nothing, and especially for those who are stronger than you. They will offer and give everything themselves!
2. The one who loves must share the fate of the one he loves.
3. Happiness is like health: when it is there, you do not notice it.
4. The second freshness - that's nonsense! There is only one freshness - the first, it is also the last. And if the sturgeon is of the second freshness, then this means that it is rotten!
5. The one who is in no hurry anywhere succeeds everywhere.
6. Only through suffering does truth come... That's right, be calm! But for the knowledge of the truth neither money is paid nor rations are given. Sad but true.
7. There are only two forces in the world: dollars and literature.
8. There are no evil people in the world, there are only unhappy people.
9. The writer will always be in opposition to politics as long as politics itself is in opposition to culture.
10. Yes, man is mortal, but that would be half the trouble. The bad thing is that he is sometimes suddenly mortal, that's the trick!
11. Manuscripts do not burn.
12. Do you judge by the costume? Never do this. You can make a mistake, and a very big one at that.
13. We speak with you in different languages, as always. But the things we're talking about don't change.
14. Who said that there is no true one in the world, eternal love? Let the liar cut out his vile tongue!
15. Dostoevsky is dead.
    - I protest, Dostoevsky is immortal!
16. You know, a person without documents is strictly forbidden to exist.
17. The stars will remain when the shadows of our bodies and deeds do not remain on earth.
18. Never commit a crime, no matter who it is directed against. Live to old age with clean hands.
19. Fact is the most stubborn thing in the world.
20. Revolutionary riding: you ride for an hour - you stand for two.
21. Only one thing is possible in Rus': Orthodox faith, autocratic power!
22. Understand that the tongue can hide the truth, but the eyes never!
23. It is enough to drive a man under the shots, and he turns into a wise wolf; in place of a very weak and in really difficult cases, an unnecessary mind grows a wise bestial instinct.
24. Maybe money gets in the way of being pretty. Here, for example, no one has money and everyone is nice.
25. Evil lurks in men who avoid wine, games, the company of lovely women, and table conversation. Such people are either seriously ill or secretly hate those around them.