A universal way of addressing a stranger. Etiquette in the workplace

In transport, in the store and just on the street, we are constantly faced with the need to turn to a person we don’t know. How to do it right? “Woman”, “man”, “girl”, “young man” involuntarily fly off the tongue. However, these words sound rude, unnatural, and sometimes even insulting. What if you can’t immediately determine the approximate age of the person you want to contact?

Where the right words are "lost"

Unfortunately, in modern Russian there are no analogues to the neutral "Mrs" and "Mr", as in the English, or "Madame" and "Monsieur" - in the French. But only 100 years ago they were, and in abundance.

People noble birth“sir” and “madame”, “mister” and “madam” addressed each other (the position was usually added to the last pair, for example, “Mr. Judge”). In addition, there was a whole series of appeals, or titles associated with the position of a person in the Table of Ranks. As you know, in this document all civil, military and court ranks were divided into 14 classes. The ranks of the first and second classes had to be addressed as “your excellency”, the third and fourth - “your excellency”, and so on, up to the modest “your honor”, ​​which was awarded to officials from grades 9 to 14.

Among common people in the course were the appeals “master” and “lady”, “sir” and “madame”, “father” and “mother”. However, all this diversity suddenly turned out to be banned when the power in the country changed and the Bolsheviks, who took the helm, declared a fight against class inequality. The words "citizen" and "citizen", as well as the genderless universal "comrade", were introduced into circulation. This rule has been in place for several decades.

At the turn of the century, our country experienced a new change of power. The word "comrade" quickly fell out of fashion and became associated with the ideology of yesteryear. Young people were especially active in getting rid of it, and today it can be heard only in the circles of members of a certain party. The forms "citizen" and "citizen" have been preserved as official addresses, but they sound bad and make one alert ("citizen, let's go").

So, pre-revolutionary forms of address were banned many decades ago, the words that replaced them also outlived themselves, and nothing came to replace the latter. Attempts are being made again in the old manner to call the girl a young lady, and young man- sir. But while these forms sound unnatural, and even with a touch of mockery. And not in all situations they are appropriate (for example, in crowded transport).

What appeals exist in modern language

There are not many options, and, unfortunately, none of them is at the same time suitable for all cases, neutral and polite. See for yourself:

Woman / girl, man / young man - sounds rude, hints at age and can offend;

Sir, madam - in everyday speech and everyday conversations it sounds unnatural;

Madam, young lady - has a touch of irony;

Citizen, citizen - sounds formal, causes negative associations;

Mother, father, brother, countryman - familiar;

Dear, dearest, most respectable, dear - they sound condescending and sarcastic.

There are certain speech situations, in which some forms of treatment are allowed. For example, old man can refer to people younger than himself as “daughter” or “son”, and it is permissible for a child to pronounce “aunt” and “uncle”. It is also sometimes allowed to address the interlocutor, calling his profession: "doctor", "professor", "conductor".

However, alas, there is no universal "life buoy" for all occasions in modern Russian. What if you want to observe etiquette and not offend the interlocutor?

How to address strangers

To start a conversation with a person whose name you don't know, use neutral phrases.

If your potential interlocutor is looking the other way, and you need to draw his attention to yourself, they will do:

May I ask you?

Excuse me, please…

Sorry…

I'm sorry…

When will it be installed eye contact, continue the conversation and state your request or question. It is appropriate to add a greeting.

You won't tell...

Could you…

Good afternoon, tell me please ...

Hello! Tell me please…

So you can strike up a conversation and find out necessary information without racking his brains on how to address a person.

There are people whose job it is to advise or provide services to other people. These are waiters, consultants, sellers. You do not need to start a conversation with them with an apology, as you do not distract them from their business. You are their business at the moment. Instead of “excuse me”, you can say “be kind”, “can I ask you?” or "be kind."

If a person is just going about their business or is busy with work not related to serving visitors, then it would be appropriate to start the phrase with an apology.

People of many professions - doctors, salesmen, waiters - wear badges with names. If you see such a badge, you can address the person by their first name (or first name and patronymic, if it is indicated in full). Don't forget to say "you".

Will the appeals “sir”, “lady” and others return to speech?

Hopefully one day we will return to ancient forms address, such as "sir", "mister", "madam" or "young lady", pronouncing them without a hint of irony or familiarity. Or that new appeals will be born naturally in the language. However, now is not the time in which it would be possible to plant this or that word forcibly, as “comrade” once planted. Therefore, we can only wait and watch the language, because, like a living organism, it is constantly changing, developing, trying new things and leaving only the viable.

Not everyone knows how best to contact to a stranger. Of course, you can still say to a man in the old fashioned way: "Comrade." In the same manner, of course using plural, you can contact several people. But what about a woman - call her: "Tovarka!"? Or, at worst, a "girlfriend"? The first sounds unusual, although literary competent, but is unlikely to be taken as an insult. The second cuts the ear with not always appropriate familiarity.

By gender

To the more persistent and widely used "citizen" or "citizen" we, as a rule, respond submissively, but not without hidden or even obvious displeasure. There is something in this appeal from a strict police shout. The unforgettable Ostap Bender proposed a softening French version - “situayen”. The French, like the Germans, the British, the Poles and other Swedes, in this sense can only be envied. In their language spaces, fixed appeals live for centuries. They have nothing to call to each other “Woman!” or "Man!"

And we call all the time. Whereas “man” is no better than the calls “blond” or “brunette” - it’s better not to remember the origin of all three appeals in a decent society. The call "Woman!" - also not best invention. If only because, having been a “girl” for up to forty years and having heard “a woman” one far from perfect day, we instantly experience the hitherto unfelt burden of the years we have lived. And the hand itself reaches for the mirror, which impassively confirms: “Yes, not a girl, that's for sure.

Slang "dude", "brother" or even "kid" is clearly out of place in the mouth of gentle and delicate female creatures. “Young man” is undoubtedly more decent and familiar, but again, it is not always appropriate for the reason that a person may turn out to be far from young. Don't call him "dad"! It would be nice to turn to “Mr!”, and to a woman “Madam!”. However, the famous satirist Mikhail Zadornov, through broadcast television, has long convinced the entire population of our country that we are no masters, we must grow and grow before such an appeal, widespread at the beginning of the 20th century.

A few years ago, one writer proposed to introduce into general use the native Russians - "sir" and "madame". This hasn't caught on yet either. Maybe because our state is multinational, or maybe it sounds too ceremonial, which we are again unaccustomed to. It is easier for children: they may well say “boy” or “girl” to each other, without offending even the most demanding taste and hearing. So is it really for adults who want to look decent and not offend anyone at the same time, the same “citizen” with a “comrade” and “girl” with a “citizen” remain?

Polite and friendly

In view of the above, the classic question arises: what to do? After all, while we are growing up to “gentlemen” and “gracious sovereigns”, we need to somehow address strangers, while remaining within the bounds of decency. And here we can only offer impersonal, but quite polite and benevolent “let me”, “do me a favor”, “excuse me” and “be kind.” It goes without saying that the interjections “E!” and "Hey!" at the beginning of the mentioned phrases-addresses, all our politeness will immediately be nullified.

And it would be very good to start any conversation with unfamiliar sellers, cleaners, taxi drivers, registrars in clinics and other people who serve us as old as the world, kind and, of course, nice word"Hello!". So without the sacramental "Man!" and "Woman!" quite manageable.

How we address each other when we know each other “for a short time” or are relatives is more or less clear. In this chamber world reign big variety nicknames, affectionate diminutive names, spontaneity and ease.

A how to talk to a stranger? Here things are not so rosy. Let's dive into history first.

No misters"?

You can, it turns out, understand those who strive soon after the start of acquaintance. This is much more deeply rooted in the ages than the polite form. Back in the time of Peter the Great, the sovereign himself was “poked” by his entourage, without risking anything. It is difficult to say when this norm began to go away, and then disappeared completely. In any case, Pushkin was already not so short with Nicholas I: he addressed the poet as “you”, but etiquette no longer allowed him to hear the same thing in response.

Gentlemen - Comrades - Citizens

- this appeal successfully existed for several centuries, right up to the October Revolution. The word "comrade" had a narrow, proverbial circulation. Recall, for example, folk wisdom- “a goose is not a comrade to a pig”, i.e. not an assistant. Even the position existed at the court - a deputy minister of such and such.

In the low-budget historical series The White Horse, an actor playing Admiral Kolchak tries to reassure drunken sailors at a rally by addressing them traditionally as “gentlemen.” The crowd demands newfangled - "comrades". It was then that Kolchak uttered the phrase, remarkable for the accuracy of penetration into the very fabric of words: “Lords - they are with the Lord. And comrades - they are looking for goods. I must admit that at first I doubted the origin of the last appeal and turned to etymological dictionaries. It turned out that doubted in vain. Comrade - in essence, the same peddler, merchant, entrepreneur. And how the Bolsheviks ennobled this word! Here we must, indeed, give them their due. became comrades in Soviet Russia call their "on the board", proletarians, persons of one social background. The word sounded proud and weighty.

For violators of law and order, the unfinished "bourgeois" and all "not ours" brought to light God's appeal from the time of the Great french revolution- "citizens". In one of the first Soviet film detectives, The Rumyantsev Case, there is a significant episode: a driver unfairly accused of a crime, trying to justify himself, address the investigator as a comrade, to which he receives an angry shout: “The Tambov wolf is your comrade!” The poor fellow is hanging out and is forced to switch to "citizen chief".

How to address a stranger in the 21st century?

The 90s brought confusion and confusion in appeals. On the one hand, they tried to revive the "gentlemen". For clubs and salons, for the elite sphere, this, in general, has been done. But "Mr. bum" - you must admit, this is too much! President Yeltsin persistently appealed to "respected Russians", to "compatriots". It didn’t “roll” - these options were too deliberate, pretentious.

Gender-based appeals are perhaps the most such that they betray the absence common culture at the addressee. In addition, outwardly anecdotal situations threaten serious “showdowns” right on the spot: the “girl” from the back to the front turns out to be an aunt who was pretty beaten up by life ... Make excuses if you can!

“Countryman”, “land”, “land” is another appeal that can be heard on the streets of large and small Russian cities. This is how uncultured people, outcasts, intellectual bastards tend to address each other. They gradually become an inveterate drunkard and slide down to the social “bottom”. However, they are kind and harmless, contact and talkative, especially if you “treat” them with a cigarette or lend them a few coins for free.

What do we have today? A single, universal appeal to strangers, strangers still not developed by the norms of etiquette. There is a choice, but, firstly, it is small, and secondly, the options themselves are too specific in nature. Maybe posterity will be able to solve this problem?

The question of addresses in modern Russian is one of the most relevant in speech etiquette- a section of linguistics that studies "linguistic politeness". How to contact a stranger? What do you need to know to do this? I wanted to reflect on this topic… Performed a search and analysis of information. I am not a linguist or a linguist, but what I managed to learn was very useful.

One of the greatest assets of man and the greatest
pleasure - the opportunity to communicate with their own kind. It would seem no
nothing is more natural and easier than talking to someone, but our
everyday life gives many examples of the fact that we sometimes do not know how to communicate or do it not well enough.

The Russian-speaking world is different, with different traditions, even within one group there are a lot of options, a lot of ages, all sorts of styles, "hanging out", fashion - everything, anything. There are intellectuals, laymen, simple people and difficult - it is impossible to tell about all this in a few pages. In the history of address language, things are changing rapidly. It is influenced by social processes and revolutions...

The purpose of the appeal is to establish contact. Without such contact, it is impossible to talk.
Why is contact needed? It is set to determine the circle of communication (or "not communication").
In the vast majority of cases there is no circulation problem. We are talking about appeals to acquaintances, relatives and friends. Everything is clear and simple here.
Each layer of society, including marginal societies and organizations, has its own “accepted and not accepted” appeals: colleagues, brother and sister ...
The problem of address arises when it is necessary to address a stranger. The difficulty is that there are almost no polite neutral words. There are appeals emotionally colored: father, mother or father, son, brother, brother, countryman and the like.
Maxim Krongauz, director of the Institute of Linguistics of the Russian State Humanitarian University, writes: “... this is the whole range of kinship terms in relation to strangers. In fact, we can say that this is such a kind of family metaphor for everything. human society..., familiar, a little colloquial, but warm appeal.

This manner of address was rural, and then it spread to other strata of society, but it still bears the imprint of “simplicity”.
There are a lot of emotionally colored appeals. Suffice it to say that in some situations not only the interjection "Hey!", but even a simple "Uh-uh!" for a call is quite appropriate. "Hey, watch out!" - we will shout, without ceremony, to warn of a sudden danger.
Other emotionally colored appeals made up of random external signs, they sound quite rude. For example: “Hey, in a red blouse, the handkerchief was dropped!”
Before the revolution of 1917, stable addresses were adopted in Russia: sir / madam, sir / madam, citizen / citizen and even Your Excellency, not to mention Your Excellency, Your Nobility and High Nobility ...
At present, they are called gentlemen, emphatically significant, grotesquely - "goss-po-yes!". Or for effect - "hos-po-da!". And it is immediately clear that no one is considered masters here.
Such an appeal is quite acceptable among informals: “Gentlemen! Especially you, hairy, yes, the one on the left. Please give me that half-eaten sandwich, I’m hungry. I'm starting to get sober..."
It sounds very good, as they say, “cool”: “Gentlemen! Lord! Who's holding the elevator there?!!!" Or, "In line, gentlemen!"
The appeal - "gentlemen" - can be perceived as a joke, as irony, or as a mockery.
Politely, call others "masters" and call yourself "your obedient servant."
"WE are not gentlemen - gentlemen are all in Paris!" Sharikov said. When we don’t spit on the floor, throw garbage anywhere and use foul language for any reason, maybe then we will become gentlemen ...
The word "master" is certain meaning and is not a "duty" treatment. For this to happen, probably more than one hundred years must pass ... But before that, the appeal "sir" must come into use.
“There is no master without a slave and a slave without a master. Calling someone "master" automatically degrades us, and who wants that?"
The appeal of "gentleman" quite often means "pathetic" intelligentsia.

From the address “master”, it breathes with pompous pathos, elitist-snobbish officialdom and the very infamous dichotomy “master - slave”, which, contrary to the assertions of the “greens”, is absolutely impossible to get rid of and expel from the associative ranks of our consciousness. For such an association is rooted in the very etymology of this word (as well as in all other historical, literary and everyday contexts of its use, absorbed from childhood). I do not think that the address "mister" is worthy of being a symbol of sincere and mutual respect of the interlocutors. It brings a chill of alienation and stiffness, and sometimes it sounds funny and grotesque (for example, when an old man addresses a young man like that). And isn't it too bold to honor all gentlemen? In short, an overly pretentious word. Where mutual trust and equality reign, the word "master" is certainly inappropriate.

In Russia, it has always been a kind of privilege - to be called / Mrs / Mrs. And after the disappearance of the corresponding classes, this appeal completely lost its meaning.
In Russia, the word "master" serfs addressed the master. And note that, despite the lordly upbringing - never vice versa!
By the way, the White officers, taking the Red Army prisoners, called them "gentlemen" and, thus, they guarded their dignity. They did not communicate with "comrades" - only with "gentlemen" ...
“Mister” is a normal address if you don’t know the name, patronymic of the person you are addressing. Works great for talking on the phone. Immediately gives the interlocutor a solid status. "Sir" is the most neutral address.

Appeal "comrade" ... A bit of history.
"Comrades" - this is how Caesar addressed his legions. And this was the privilege of Caesar's soldiers (they say that the soldiers of the Tenth Legion, beloved by Gaius Julius, were the first to receive such an honor). When Caesar was transporting troops from Italy to Hellas (he wanted to defeat Pompey), the soldiers refused to sail because of the storm. It was enough for Caesar to address them not as “Comrades”, but as “Quirins” (that is, “citizens”) - and they were so ashamed that they begged the commander on their knees to forgive their weakness and cowardice!
“Comrade” - that was the name of the merchants who had a common, as they would say now, business, that is, a GOODS, in other words, they were “COMRADES” to each other.
Appeal - "comrades" is suitable only for equals. But not everyone can be equal. "Goose pig, really no comrade."
The entire Zaporizhian Sich, the Don, part of the Volga, Yaik and Kuban were "comrades". And the merchants were none other than ushkuiniki, they are also merchants, and robbers, and artel workers. Therefore, for a long period, not only and not so much merchants called themselves “comrades”, but free people, free from slavery, from sovereigns and gentlemen, from the state. In Dahl's dictionary we read: "On the road, the son is a comrade to the father, BOTH ARE EQUAL, help each other." Therefore, the address "comrade" means first of all the equality of people, which is possible only among free people.

The appeal "comrade" is very old, in itself - not invented by the Bolsheviks. But it has an important drawback - there is no gender difference.

Then how to understand the appeals - "comrades" and "comrades"?
"Comrade" is more for homeless people and hicks, huddled in flocks, with the most indispensable familiar pats and the corresponding cultural level; It is not for nothing that in our time the word "comrade" has acquired an indelible derogatory and ironic connotation, and now they usually address those who are not particularly (especially not) respected.

Let's compare the appeals: "comrade" and "master" ...
The appeal "master" does not imply the presence of a serf-slave, etc., as Soviet textbooks taught us, but some kind of inner fullness, integrity and will. “Master” means “worthy person”, while “comrade” is something opposite. Do you hear the words "power" and "property" in it? Undoubtedly. The master has power over himself - is responsible for himself and property (in broad sense: honor, social status, capital), - and this is his freedom. Comrade, there is nothing to lose, nothing is dear to him - and therefore he is deceitful and irresponsible - he is a slave to his homelessness.
From a “comrade”, “friend”, or even a “brother” at all, it smells of rotten collectivism and painful desire cling: they say, I'm mine. You are not my own. Mr. free man, master of life, fish in the water. If we in Russia want to build a society of worthy people, internally free and full-fledged, then there can be no talk of any “comrades”.
The word "comrade" does not say anything about dignity, it says only about a subjective attitude. The master will remain the master, no matter how we treat him. Comrades live by comparisons: who is superior to whom. The gentlemen do not need this, for they know that a person does not begin with a wallet, but with a soul and culture. The agreement of the gentlemen is weighty, and to fulfill its conditions is a matter of honor; the word "comrade" does not carry a legal connotation: this word, said, perhaps with sincere feeling, but of a purely personal nature - not a commitment, but an indicator of attitude.

Soviet power "inflicted on the Russian language serious injury from which he still has not recovered. in a violent way generally accepted and habitual appeals were withdrawn from the lexicon. A harmonious and flexible system was destroyed. All the nuances human communication reflected: from the strict “dear sir” to the sincere “my sir” and the familiar “good sir”. It is noteworthy that only the grassroots, common folk tradition, which Maxim Krongauz spoke about, survived. The manner of addressing in terms of kinship, organic for rural speech, spread to other segments of the population. Something had to be done to fill the vacuum. And the words "comrade" and "citizen" were far from suitable for everyone and not always.
Our modern comrade has lost his sharp social meaning, the appeal became applicable to any person.
The noun comrade has no correlative pair female, so its application to women is difficult. Comrade Petrova! - Sounds too formal and solemn.
For the word citizen there is a corresponding pair - a citizen. Its meanings
are:

1. "A person belonging to the permanent population of this state, enjoying all the rights provided for by the laws of this
state, and fulfilling all statutory responsibilities".
2. "Adult person, as well as the form of addressing him".
3. "A person who subordinates his personal interests to the public, serving the Motherland, the people."

This meaning is found, for example, in N.A. Nekrasova: “A poet can you not
be, but must be a citizen.
The word citizen, apparently, correlates with the first two meanings.
Appeals citizen, comrade replaced in revolutionary times a whole
a number of names reflecting social inequality. The lord and madam, the gracious sovereign and the gracious empress, your honor, sir and madam, your excellency, have gone out of use ...
One of the first decrees Soviet power read:
“All titles of a nobleman, merchant, tradesman, peasant, etc.), titles (princely, civil, etc.) and the names of civil ranks (secret, state and other advisers) are destroyed, and one common name for the entire population of Russia is established as a citizen of the Russian Republic ".

Our modern appeal citizen (citizen) has two clearly tangible shades. First, formality and rigor; Second, it's just not polite. ( Good morning…citizen!). Needless to say, the diminutive formation "citizen" also does not add much politeness to communication, it sounds ironic.
“In general, the situation with addresses in Russian is extremely interesting, and not only in Russian,” Maxim Krongauz continues his story. - Address is a very sensitive area of ​​the language, which is very much subject to external influence. There are cases when the authorities simply canceled appeals by decrees and introduced new ones. At one time, the French Convention did so after the revolution, introducing by decree the address "citizen", "citizen". Approximately the same thing, albeit not by decree, but in fact also harshly, happened after October revolution, when the word “comrade” came to replace “sir” and “madame”, “master” and “mistress”, which differed quite a lot. First of all, first of all, it eliminated gender differences, because the address "comrade" was convenient regardless of who the interlocutor was, a man or a woman. Secondly, it removed all differences in social status. The appeal "sir" and "madame", "mister" and "madam" implied a rather high status of the interlocutor. It was impossible to address a person with a low status as “sir”, “madame”. "Comrade" greatly lowered this status. The word "comrade" can refer to any person. In a sense, it reflected democracy, the elimination of all differences, including gender, gender, and social. But after Perestroika, the word "comrade" actually dropped out of the language, remaining only in speech Communist Party, for ideological reasons. Because, after all, "comrade" and in Soviet era understood exactly as Soviet word. That is why, after Perestroika, it actually left the language as neutral, and for many Soviet citizens it was still neutral, although it must be emphasized here that it was not for everyone. This ideological Soviet flavor remained. And the word "master", which is now sometimes used in the press, in official letters, did not become that pre-revolutionary "master". You are absolutely right when you said that it cannot possibly enter the language as a neutral address, and I think that it will not. Today it is most likely perceived as alienating. If a person is addressed as “Mr. Ivanov” (by last name), then they are more likely to be kept at a distance. The normal neutral address in Russian is, of course, the name and patronymic, or the name in a situation where patronymics have lost their positions. So, "sir" can in no way be considered the former, and does not correspond to the neutral address of modern European languages, such as the French "monsieur", the English "mister". This, of course, causes great inconvenience to foreigners, but not to Russians.”

A few years ago, the writer V. Soloukhin proposed to introduce
appeal sir, madam. Many opinions were expressed for and against.
Opponents referred mainly to the fact that it was unusual, strange.
Yes, of course, everything newly introduced is strange at first, but how quickly we get used to it.
to the new! (Good morning, ma'am! Unusual? Yes. But it fits!).
Meanwhile, it is known that Soloukhin's proposal did not take root in life: we have never heard such an appeal anywhere. In the article "Ocean
native word”, published several years later, Soloukhin wrote that, according to
in his opinion, these appeals, as commonly used, did not take root not only
because they were not promoted through radio, newspapers, television, but not
were accepted by the people themselves, since not always and not every woman can
say: "Madam!"
Why, after all, is it still difficult for us to accept the appeal "sir", "madame"? They are outdated, that's right. But there are times when we revive the forgotten in the language. Here, the whole point is that the corresponding associations are associated with these appeals. The pronunciation of the word madam evokes the idea of ​​a woman of a certain Appearance, maybe “Turgenev”, maybe “Chekhov”. So it is not easy for any of our contemporaries to combine her image with the image of the madam. Well, is it not possible to imagine such a process when the application of a word to a person will make him become better? What if you call a person a sir or madam, and he will try to “pull himself up”, behave accordingly!

At least we could borrow a few from the Chinese
Wise they have ignorance of foreigners.
Will we ever be resurrected from the foreign power of fashion?
So that our smart, cheerful people
Although the language did not consider us Germans.
“How to put the European in parallel
With the national - something strange!
Well, how to translate Madame and Mademoiselle?
Really ma'am!!" someone muttered to me...
Imagine everyone here
Laughter erupted at my expense.
(c) Griboedov

Until “sirs” and “sirs” took root. However, the search for
necessary. Among the most diverse addresses in the national Russian language, in folk speech, probably, you can find a suitable for universal
use in any communication situation. As for the notorious
"men" and "women", then this, of course, is not a godsend. Linguists quite rightly consider addressing adults by gender as incorrect.

In Russia, there is a “Name-Patronymic” system, which in itself is a respectful address. IN pre-revolutionary Russia, addressing by “Name-Patronymic” was a sign of respectful treatment - as opposed to officialdom. A typical example is the naval tradition.

In the language of addresses, there are such formulas of politeness as “be kind”, “be kind”, “excuse me”, “forgive me”. At the same time, in a construction like “Forgive me, but you can’t tell me ....” the word "sorry" loses its meaning. In the first place comes the communicative function, the desire to attract attention.
“All people in the world are called Sorry!”
However, says Maxim Krongauz, director of the Institute of Linguistics at the Russian State Humanitarian University, the content of the word “sorry” is not completely lost in this context. Maxim Krongauz believes that in this case the addressing person, albeit formally, asks for forgiveness for the anxiety caused by the request:
“We turn to someone and thereby involve him in an action that, perhaps, is not interesting to him, unpleasant. This form of "sorry" is, indeed, a request for forgiveness for the inconvenience caused. So I don't think there's anything wrong with the "I'm sorry" form."

And briefly I want to say about the appeals in a business letter ...
The most common form of address in a business letter is "Dear...". The word respected is used as a neutral form of politeness, usually in combination with either the addressee's first name or patronymic, or with the words mister (plus the addressee's surname), comrade (plus the addressee's surname), colleague (plus the addressee's surname). It can also be used with the name of a position, rank or social status.
The address "sir - gentlemen", which had official status until 1917, is now widely used in various fields the life of our society. However, it should be remembered that even a word reduced to an index of politeness when addressing by surname is not free from lexical meaning, which includes the idea of social status addressee. This is how they address in letters to business partners, entrepreneurs, bankers, officials, artists, politicians. At the same time, it is absolutely impossible to imagine the situation of using this appeal in relation to socially unprotected groups of the population: “gentlemen with disabilities”, “gentlemen refugees”, “gentlemen unemployed”. In this case, the compilers business letters find themselves in plight, since today in the Russian language there is no nationwide universal appeal, which until 1917 was the paired address "sir - madam" (gracious sovereign - gracious sovereign).
When referring to a specific to an individual use various forms: with and without an index, by surname and by name and patronymic. Depending on the degree of closeness with your correspondent, the appeal may begin with the words “Dear + first name” or “Dear + last name”, for example:

Dear Mr. Vasiliev!
Dear Mr. Ivanov!
Dear Alexey Stepanovich,
Dear Irina Petrovna!

When choosing a formula of address, you need to remember that a last name implies a distance and gives the letter a more official character, while addressing by name and patronymic emphasizes the well-established business relationship.
The comma after the address gives the letter an everyday character; The exclamation point indicates that the fact of referring to this person or the issue raised in the letter is of particular importance.
In the case when there is a comma after the address, the text of the letter begins with a lowercase letter, after the exclamation mark, the first sentence must begin with an uppercase letter.
The absence of a surname and name address is permissible only if there is a collective addressee and in stenciled letters, as well as when addressing a letter to a legal entity.
In the latter case, the name of the position can be used in the appeal formula, for example: “Dear Mr. Director!”, “Dear Mr. Ambassador!”. Judges are addressed "Your Honor!"
If the addressee has a rank or title, you can indicate it instead of addressing “master”.
When addressing the addressee, it is necessary to take into account the scope of his activity and official position. The neutral word "respected" is also not universal, it is not included in the formula of a nominal address to a particularly important person. Such a person is considered not only a high official (members of the government, parliament, governors, mayors), but also an honored worker of science, art, well-known public figure. In letters to such people, appeals are used: “Dear ...”, “Dear ...”, for example, “Dear Nikolai Vasilyevich!”
In a number of letters, when a particular person is considered as a subject civil relations, the word "citizen" is used as an address.
When referring to a collective addressee, the most commonly used expressions are:
Dear Sirs!
Ladies and gentlemen!
Dear Colleagues! (when referring to persons of the same profession)
Dear Veterans!

Probably, there are no such people who would not want to learn how to be relaxed and confident in the company of other people. Everyone wants to please others, delight with the ability to stay in public, be attractive in appearance and feel like a fish in water, in difficult situations. How can you learn this, you ask? The answer is simple and complex at the same time, you need to know at least the basics of communication etiquette and speech etiquette.

Appeal and greeting.

How to contact people

There are only three types of treatment: 1) Official (citizen, sir, sir); 2) Friendly (old man, friend); 3) Familiar, which is allowed only between the closest people.

“You” should be addressed: to older people and to unfamiliar peers, but to “You” they turn only to close relatives and friends.

General rules of greeting at a meeting.

At a meeting, the younger ones should be the first to greet, men - women, if the man is much older, then the woman greets him first. As with all the rules, there are also exceptions to this: the one who enters the room is the first to greet those present, regardless of age and gender, just like the one who leaves, he is the first to say goodbye.

If you entered a room where there are several people, then you need to greet in the following sequence: with the mistress of the house, with other women, with the owner of the house, with other men.

The woman is the first to offer her hand, greeting the man, but if she only nodded her head, the man should not extend his hand. Similarly, between men of different ages.

A man, greeting, should get up (except for the very elderly and those who find it difficult to get up due to illness). A woman, on the contrary, should not get up (except for those situations when she greets a very elderly man). The exception is the mistress of the house, who, according to etiquette, always gets up when she receives guests and greets them. At work, a man may not get up to greet a woman.

After a man has greeted his peer, he sits down, and if with an older man or woman, he sits down only after them. If the hostess of the house offered to sit down, but she herself continues to stand, then it is not recommended to sit down.

At a meeting, a man can kiss a woman's hand, but in the event that this happens indoors.

You should not greet through an obstacle: threshold, table, partition

If your relative or close acquaintance is the leader, then in the presence of colleagues, it is better to address him with “You” and by his first name and patronymic. It is inappropriate to show close ties.

If you are new to the team, and are accustomed to communicating with “you”, but here it is accepted for “you”, then you should accept the rules of the majority.

If they called you, ignoring politeness, “Hey, you!”, Do not respond, but you don’t need to read notations either, it’s better to teach a lesson by your own example.

If you tell someone about those who are absent, you should not talk about them in the third person, it would be more correct to call them by their first name and patronymic.

Where does communication begin?

Communication usually begins with a greeting. According to etiquette, probably everyone knows this, you should greet a person with the words: “Hello!”, Or wish him a good time of the day.

What is important in greeting

It is very important with what intonation you greet a person. Saying hello to him in a dry tone can offend him. Warmth and affection should be invested in the greeting.

Smile when you greet the person and it will make both of you feel better.

In addition to words, the greeting should be accompanied by a handshake, bow, nod, hugs.

A man is supposed to take off his hat during a greeting, with the exception of a winter hat, cap and beret.

It is not customary, when greeting a person, to lower your eyes, it is advisable to meet his gaze.

When greeting, do not keep your hands in your pockets and a cigarette in your mouth.

If you notice a friend in the distance, you can greet him with a nod, a bow, a smile, or a wave of your hand. But shouting all over the street is not worth it.

If familiar man goes meet you, do not greet him from afar, wait until he comes closer. If you are accompanied by someone and your companion greets a stranger, you should also greet him.

If you meet someone you know accompanied by someone you don't know, say hello to both.

If you are walking in a group of people and you meet your friend, apologize and step aside with him, it is not necessary to introduce everyone.

You need to greet strangers if you often meet with them, for example, with sellers, neighbors, a postman.

Entering a room where many people are present, you can say “Hello” to everyone at the same time.

How to respond to greetings

If you are greeted, you must certainly return the greeting. If your companion is greeted, you must also greet even a stranger.

How to start a conversation

Can be various options start the conversation. It depends on the situation in which you and the interlocutor are.

If you are invited to a party and around strangers, then you can choose from the company the same as you, "loner" and you can start a conversation with the words "Hello! My name is ... ”Then you can continue the conversation, asking for help to figure out who is who here. And then it is likely that you will find common themes.

Asking for help has always been good start conversation. In the library - about the book, in the store - about goods, at the opening day - about paintings, on the street you can ask how to get to the place you need.

And you can strike up a conversation with a compliment. For example, tell a man about his good physical form or praise great taste women.

It is quite acceptable to start a conversation with banal complaints about the weather, or the hackneyed question “Where could I (could) see you before?”.

How to continue the conversation

To continue the conversation, you can find the most different topics and questions. For example, about films, about music, about political environment. This will make it possible not only to overcome embarrassment, but also to determine what the interlocutor is interested in. You can tell some incident from your life and express your attitude to it.

If you want to be interesting interlocutor, then they should at least have an idea about the news, understand a little about music, be aware of the latest in cinema, and be aware of the topic of sports. It’s good if you are an interesting storyteller and can tell about something unusual that happened to you. In general, read books, magazines, newspapers, listen to music and watch movies.

It must be remembered that people are always more interesting with those who know how to listen, because everyone is more interested in telling. Therefore, you should learn to listen carefully to the interlocutor, trying to ask questions in the course of his story, and it will be pleasant to communicate with you.

It is unacceptable to suppress a person with your intellect, because no one wants to be more stupid than another. If you begin to interrupt the interlocutor with exclamations that you have known everything for a long time, you should not be surprised that he no longer wants to communicate with you.

Conversely, if you are not good at something, do not be shy to say so. Most often, people are pleased to hear: “Tell me more about this.” By the way, this is a good call to continue the conversation.

How to end a conversation

How the conversation ends depends on whether the acquaintance will continue. Try to do it politely and decisively so as not to accidentally offend the interlocutor. If you see that the conversation has exhausted itself, do not grab onto the search for new topics like a straw, do not hold back the interlocutor, it is better to say goodbye, maintaining dignity. You can say goodbye that you were pleased with this acquaintance, that you hope for its continuation.

If you don’t have time for a conversation, then you need to be able to gently, and at the same time, decisively let your interlocutor understand this. Glancing at the clock, rising from the chair, looks eloquent. So that your departure does not look like an escape from the conversation, you can end it with encouraging phrases like: “It couldn’t be otherwise!” or “I, unfortunately, have to go, but we will continue the conversation next time.”

What to Avoid in a Conversation

You should talk about yourself last, even if you were asked about it, then do not abuse your attention and transfer the conversation to another topic. Do not discuss your problems and hardships, household chores and illnesses, leave them for the family circle. People go out into the community to relax.

It is considered bad manners when meeting a doctor in a company or on the street, asking him about diagnoses and medicines. This should be done during office hours.

If you write poetry, then please yourself or the publisher with them, if there is one, but do not demand from the interlocutors that they listen to your torments of creativity, while still praising them, this is tactless.

You should not share sensitive information, as such frankness can pass for talkativeness, and such a person loses confidence.

It is not nice to discuss the weaknesses of others in public. Do not try to rise at the expense of others, it is dishonorable.

The conversation should be exciting. Cooking recipes, or the rules of the game of hockey may be of interest, but not for long and not everyone. If one of those present reads morals all evening or speaks on some narrow topics, then this will tire the rest. Don't engage in empty talk.

If you see that the interlocutors are listening to you without attention, interrupt the conversation without regret, do the same if you doubt that the conversation is interesting to your interlocutors.

Do not leave society with a group of interlocutors, if you want to retire with someone for communication, invite him to your home.

Wait for the most respected guests to turn to you, and do not leave the interlocutor until he has finished talking with you.

In response to the interlocutor's objections, do not get annoyed and do not get angry, otherwise the sympathies of even those who did not particularly follow the topic will not be on your side, even if you are right.

You shouldn't whisper to someone in front of everyone. If you want to say something to someone in private, it's best to take them aside.

When you are talking, speak clearly and slowly, while trying to look into the eyes of the interlocutor. But to look him in the area of ​​​​the button on the suit, or, even more so, to turn it in his hands, is extremely indecent.

It is considered the height of indecency to point a finger at someone, or to keep your hands in your pockets during a conversation, or to put them on the interlocutor's shoulders.

Do not hold up a conversation with your friend on the street if he is in a hurry somewhere or waiting for someone. If your acquaintance goes with a woman, then only in case of emergency, you can contact him.

Don't try to judge a person just by talking to them. After all, it is not words that matter, but deeds.

Also, read on the website:

About death in LiveJournal

A person is mortal and mortal suddenly: (During my active participation in LiveJournal, I "virtually observed" the deaths of bloggers: svetabukina cambala - her daughter andrey_lensky continues to keep a diary, and so ...