How to address a stranger on the street. You and a stranger

Asking the people around you correctly is actually not as difficult as it seems. The main thing is to always be ready for failure. Well, they refuse and refuse. After all, the person you are asking for may have a really good reason to refuse you, or it is simply unacceptable for him. If you don't get offended, then you won't be constrained in communication. As the aphorism that has already become popular says: "Be simpler and people will be drawn to you." And in case of refusal, you almost always have a fallback option, you just need to look at the environment.

So, how to ask people for help, phrases and wording

Try casually, or setting a comic tone to the conversation, ask:

• I've been wanting to turn to you for a long time: ... help me out;
• Can I ask you for one favor... ;
• I have a little business for you, I know that you understand this issue ... ;
• If I ask you, it won't be hard for you to do for me...;
• Sorry for asking, but only you can help me in this matter...;
• Take my place... I can't help asking you;
• I'm even a little embarrassed to ask you this request, but...;
• I want to ask you... can you help?

With such simple formulations, you can ask a person for any favor or act, the main thing is to take courage and shake out all the cockroaches that stop you from your head. The main thing is to be prepared for failure in advance and treat it as simply as possible.

But that is not all. Most main secret in asking for something from people from childhood, it can help you a lot, and this word " Please". Not every person will be able to refuse hearing a simple word "please" after your request.

Try to use these tips in life as often as possible if you feel stuck when you need to ask for something, and after a certain period of time you will be able to ask anyone without any complexes.

Probably, there are no such people who would not want to learn how to be relaxed and confident in the company of other people. Everyone wants to please others, delight with the ability to stay in public, be attractive in appearance and feel like a fish in water, in difficult situations. How can you learn this, you ask? The answer is simple and complex at the same time, you need to know at least the basics of communication etiquette and speech etiquette.

Appeal and greeting.

How to contact people

There are only three types of treatment: 1) Official (citizen, sir, sir); 2) Friendly (old man, friend); 3) Familiar, which is allowed only between the closest people.

“You” should be addressed: to older people and to unfamiliar peers, but to “You” they turn only to close relatives and friends.

General rules of greeting at a meeting.

At a meeting, the younger ones should be the first to greet, men - women, if the man is much older, then the woman greets him first. As with all the rules, there are also exceptions to this: the one who enters the room is the first to greet those present, regardless of age and gender, just like the one who leaves, he is the first to say goodbye.

If you entered a room where there are several people, then you need to greet in the following sequence: with the mistress of the house, with other women, with the owner of the house, with other men.

The woman is the first to offer her hand, greeting the man, but if she only nodded her head, the man should not extend his hand. Similarly, between men of different ages.

A man, greeting, should get up (except for the very elderly and those who find it difficult to get up due to illness). A woman, on the contrary, should not get up (except for those situations when she greets a very elderly man). The exception is the mistress of the house, who, according to etiquette, always gets up when she receives guests and greets them. At work, a man may not get up to greet a woman.

After a man has greeted his peer, he sits down, and if with an older man or woman, he sits down only after them. If the hostess of the house offered to sit down, but she herself continues to stand, then it is not recommended to sit down.

At a meeting, a man can kiss a woman's hand, but in the event that this happens indoors.

You should not greet through an obstacle: threshold, table, partition

If your relative or close acquaintance is the leader, then in the presence of colleagues, it is better to address him with “You” and by his first name and patronymic. It is inappropriate to show close ties.

If you are new to the team, and are accustomed to communicating with “you”, but here it is accepted for “you”, then you should accept the rules of the majority.

If they called you, ignoring politeness, “Hey, you!”, Do not respond, but you don’t need to read notations either, it’s better to teach a lesson by your own example.

If you tell someone about those who are absent, you should not talk about them in the third person, it would be more correct to call them by their first name and patronymic.

Where does communication begin?

Communication usually begins with a greeting. According to etiquette, probably everyone knows this, you should greet a person with the words: “Hello!”, Or wish him a good time of the day.

What is important in greeting

It is very important with what intonation you greet a person. Saying hello to him in a dry tone can offend him. Warmth and affection should be invested in the greeting.

Smile when you greet the person and it will make both of you feel better.

In addition to words, the greeting should be accompanied by a handshake, bow, nod, hugs.

A man is supposed to take off his hat during a greeting, with the exception of a winter hat, cap and beret.

It is not customary, when greeting a person, to lower your eyes, it is advisable to meet his gaze.

When greeting, do not keep your hands in your pockets and a cigarette in your mouth.

If you notice a friend in the distance, you can greet him with a nod, a bow, a smile, or a wave of your hand. But shouting all over the street is not worth it.

If familiar man goes meet you, do not greet him from afar, wait until he comes closer. If you are accompanied by someone and your companion greets a stranger, you should also greet him.

If you meet someone you know accompanied by someone you don't know, say hello to both.

If you are walking in a group of people and you meet your friend, apologize and step aside with him, it is not necessary to introduce everyone.

You need to greet strangers if you often meet with them, for example, with sellers, neighbors, a postman.

Entering a room where many people are present, you can say “Hello” to everyone at the same time.

How to respond to greetings

If you are greeted, you must certainly return the greeting. If your companion is greeted, you must also greet even a stranger.

How to start a conversation

Can be various options start the conversation. It depends on the situation in which you and the interlocutor are.

If you are invited to a party, and there are strangers around, then you can choose from the company the same as you, “alone” and you can start a conversation with the words “Hello! My name is ... ”Then you can continue the conversation, asking for help to figure out who is who here. And then it is likely that you will find common themes.

Asking for help has always been good start conversation. In the library - about the book, in the store - about goods, at the opening day - about paintings, on the street you can ask how to get to the place you need.

And you can strike up a conversation with a compliment. For example, tell a man about his good physical form or praise great taste women.

It is quite acceptable to start a conversation with banal complaints about the weather, or the hackneyed question “Where could I (could) see you before?”.

How to continue the conversation

To continue the conversation, you can find the most different topics and questions. For example, about films, about music, about political environment. This will make it possible not only to overcome embarrassment, but also to determine what the interlocutor is interested in. You can tell some incident from your life and express your attitude to it.

If you want to be interesting interlocutor, then they should at least have an idea about the news, understand a little about music, be aware of the latest in cinema, and be aware of the topic of sports. It’s good if you are an interesting storyteller and can tell about something unusual that happened to you. In general, read books, magazines, newspapers, listen to music and watch movies.

It must be remembered that people are always more interesting with those who know how to listen, because everyone is more interested in telling. Therefore, you should learn to listen carefully to the interlocutor, trying to ask questions in the course of his story, and it will be pleasant to communicate with you.

It is unacceptable to suppress a person with your intellect, because no one wants to be more stupid than another. If you begin to interrupt the interlocutor with exclamations that you have known everything for a long time, you should not be surprised that he no longer wants to communicate with you.

Conversely, if you are not good at something, do not be shy to say so. Most often, people are pleased to hear: “Tell me more about this.” By the way, this is a good call to continue the conversation.

How to end a conversation

How the conversation ends depends on whether the acquaintance will continue. Try to do it politely and decisively so as not to accidentally offend the interlocutor. If you see that the conversation has exhausted itself, do not grab onto the search for new topics like a straw, do not hold back the interlocutor, it is better to say goodbye, maintaining dignity. You can say goodbye that you were pleased with this acquaintance, that you hope for its continuation.

If you don’t have time for a conversation, then you need to be able to gently, and at the same time, decisively let your interlocutor understand this. Glancing at the clock, rising from the chair, looks eloquent. So that your departure does not look like an escape from the conversation, you can end it with encouraging phrases like: “It couldn’t be otherwise!” or “I, unfortunately, have to go, but we will continue the conversation next time.”

What to Avoid in a Conversation

You should talk about yourself last, even if you were asked about it, then do not abuse your attention and transfer the conversation to another topic. Do not discuss your problems and hardships, household chores and illnesses, leave them for the family circle. People go out into the community to relax.

It is considered bad manners when meeting a doctor in a company or on the street, asking him about diagnoses and medicines. This should be done during office hours.

If you write poetry, then please yourself or the publisher with them, if there is one, but do not demand from the interlocutors that they listen to your torments of creativity, while still praising them, this is tactless.

You should not share sensitive information, as such frankness can pass for talkativeness, and such a person loses confidence.

It is not nice to discuss the weaknesses of others in public. Do not try to rise at the expense of others, it is dishonorable.

The conversation should be exciting. Cooking recipes, or the rules of the game of hockey may be of interest, but not for long and not everyone. If one of those present reads morals all evening or speaks on some narrow topics, then this will tire the rest. Don't engage in empty talk.

If you see that the interlocutors are listening to you without attention, interrupt the conversation without regret, do the same if you doubt that the conversation is interesting to your interlocutors.

Do not leave society with a group of interlocutors, if you want to retire with someone for communication, invite him to your home.

Wait for the most respected guests to turn to you, and do not leave the interlocutor until he has finished talking with you.

In response to the objections of the interlocutor, do not get annoyed and do not get angry, otherwise the sympathies of even those who did not particularly follow the topic will not be on your side, even if you are right.

You shouldn't whisper to someone in front of everyone. If you want to say something to someone in private, it's best to take them aside.

When you are talking, speak clearly and slowly, while trying to look into the eyes of the interlocutor. But to look him in the area of ​​​​the button on the suit, or, even more so, to turn it in his hands, is extremely indecent.

It is considered the height of indecency to point a finger at someone, or to keep your hands in your pockets during a conversation, or to put them on the interlocutor's shoulders.

Do not hold up a conversation with your friend on the street if he is in a hurry somewhere or waiting for someone. If your acquaintance goes with a woman, then only in case of emergency, you can contact him.

Don't try to judge a person just by talking to them. After all, it is not words that matter, but deeds.

Also, read on the website:

About death in LiveJournal

A person is mortal and mortal suddenly: (During my active participation in LiveJournal, I "virtually observed" the deaths of bloggers: svetabukina cambala - her daughter andrey_lensky continues to keep a diary, and so ...

Etiquette is a system of orders, rules and forms of social-role communication.

Functions of etiquette: regulating (behavior in a situation); symbolic (attitude to the situation and partner); communicative (form of communication).

Business/service etiquette

1. Compliance with the rules of conduct in a regulated space-time.

2. Recognition and mutual teamwork of the role of the Chief. That is: Any event begins in the presence of the chief. Any initiatives go through the steps of the service hierarchy.

3. Recognition and mutual teamwork of the role of the organization. That is: Recognition of the interests of the organization as superior to personal interests. loyalty to the organization. Dosing information about the organization.

4. Any real relationship (love, friendship, friendship, hostility) is disguised as a relationship "leader - subordinate", "colleagues", "partners", "firm - client".

Universal rules exist, they make up the so-called international etiquette, but there are not many of them.

1. This is the provision of partnerships. Priority of maintaining relations in disputable situations; concern for the “saving of face” of the partner; equal exchange of visits, gifts, messages.

There are official protocol events: meetings and farewells, speeches to the press, and so on, which requires the unification of procedures and ceremonies.

General requirements for formal attire.

The handshake is a universal form of greeting adopted throughout the world.

The label forms are performance,address, greeting, compliment, sympathy, farewell,requests, apologies, refusals, consolations and.. “Small conversation” should also be included in the speech etiquette norms. Wherein, we are talking about and about meaningful constructions and formulas of emotive communication expressing your attitude towards your partner..

Any etiquette situation has a verbal form or signs that replace speech. (Examples)

The appeal is individual. Of particular importance in etiquette is the appeal - the correct form, tonality, and energy of the voice largely depend on the further relationships of people.

Name psychology. People should be treated the way they like to be treated.

Every third - fourth phrase should begin with the name of the interlocutor.

How do you feel when a new boss (colleague, subordinate, partner) mistreats you? Your actions?

Do you need to know the name of the interlocutor?

At the same time, “the appeal is more often ignored than used, despite the psychological effectiveness of this etiquette norm.

The appeal is more often used when communicating with the closest people, animals and superiors.

It is less used in general communication in the family, at work with colleagues and subordinates.

Even less in communication with customers, strangers ...

Functions of appeal: contact-establishing, characterizing the "nomination" of the addressee in the form of an indication of an external sign.

There are certain norms of treatment adopted in formal and informal settings.

Keep in mind that you can demonstrate your intimacy with one partner to another by changing communication styles. Changing the style of address, for example, "You - you forms" can be aimed at raising or lowering the status of the interlocutor, at demonstrating the intention of rapprochement or at the desire to distance oneself. Changing the style of address occurs at the initiative of the elder in age and status. In this case, you must agree and try to change the form in the next phrase. If not, say that you will get used to it gradually. But you should not endure if, on equal terms, you say “you”, and you say “you”. In relation to a woman, the initiative is more often shown by a man. This is allowed, but refusal on her part is also not a violation of etiquette.

You are communication.

You are communication

Your business partner, without your consent, began to address you as "you". What is your reaction? Your boss for the fourth day addresses you to "you". Your actions?

The choice of the form of appeal reveals the social hierarchy, and with equal social status shows the nature of personal relationships between partners. The appeal to the greatest extent depends on the national and cultural characteristics and personal relations of the partners. For example, in Russian business culture, the etiquette norm of addressing each other by name - patronymic and “you” is preserved. At the same time, when presenting, the patronymic is often omitted, regardless of the age and status of the person being represented. In the American one, addressing by name is practiced, however, with the prior permission of the partner. In German, it is possible to address by surname and title. In any case, the rule applies: regardless of personal relationships, address in an official setting in the presence of other people should be official.

What to do if you find it difficult to say "you" to your former classmate?

Use more impersonal forms.

In everyday life, appeals can be very diverse. The main condition is that they should not be familiar, offensive to a person.

Addressing a stranger.

In modern Russian, there are no established forms of addressing a stranger, therefore it is recommended to use an impersonal form of address: "Forgive me please ...", "Excuse me ...", "Be kind ...", "Be kind ...", "Please tell me ..." …" and others. These phrases are the most common forms of attracting attention, followed by a question, request, suggestion. The address "master" plus the surname, adopted today in political and business circles, has not yet become widespread.

The choice of the form of addressing the audience depends on its composition, number audience and event status. Today, the most common forms of addressing the audience are: "Ladies and gentlemen", "Gentlemen", "Dear colleagues", " Dear friends" and etc.

Today, when international contacts have increased unusually, the form of addressing a representative of another country, to foreign partner. In informal situations, it is customary to address a citizen of another country with the words "mister" plus a surname, for example, "Mr. Johnson". When referring to officials with state status (regardless of rank), military diploma or religious rank, as a rule, they do without mentioning the name. For example, "Mr. President", "Mr. Minister", "Madam Ambassador", "Mr. General" (without naming the full rank of "Major General", "Lieutenant General"), "Mr. Secretary", etc.

Etiquette also provides for such a remarkable detail: usually, when addressing an official, he is slightly promoted. So, a deputy minister is called "Mr. Minister", a lieutenant colonel - "Mr. Colonel", an envoy - "Mr. Ambassador", etc.

If you have a scientist in front of you, then you should address him as "Dr. Keller", "Professor Wilson." In many countries, especially in Germany and England, the title of doctor is given to anyone with a university or medical education. One subtlety - in Germany it is customary to say "Mr. Doctor" plus a surname, and in Australia and Switzerland it is enough to pronounce "Mr. Doctor". In France, the title of doctor refers only to physicians. In France, England and Germany, university professors are titled according to their rank. In the United States, "professor" can be used to refer to representative faculty of any rank at a university, college, etc.

It is preferable to address a woman by her husband's surname: "Miss John Smith", since married women bear the name and surname of their husband. In unpronounceable and complex names you can do without a surname, using the international form "madame". In England/USA, France and Germany, respectively, "miss", "mademoiselle", "fraulein" plus a surname is a form of address for a girl, a young woman.

One should be especially careful when addressing men and women in countries where titles of nobility are retained. This is especially true for England, although the table of ranks, with all its complexity of the hierarchy of titles and ranks, is preserved mainly in writing and is used in full only in the corresponding correspondence and official documents.

In contrast to addressing strangers, addressing (vocative forms) to familiar people, depending on the established relationship, their official position, situation, can be strictly official or take on an informal character.

For example, in oral use, in relation to a certain Mr. John F. Brown, Doctor of Philology, at the official level of address, the following forms are possible: Sir - at the university (junior colleagues, students), on the street (unfamiliar youth, children), in the store ; Professor - students or work colleagues; Dr. Brown - employees at work; Mr. Brown - in all other cases.

Appeals during historical development undergo some changes, for example, the form of addressing women Ms’, which must be followed by a surname, is a new address. Form Ms' not indicating Family status women, was recommended for use by the United Nations in 1974. This form has not been widely adopted yet. However, modern formal and semi-formal correspondence tends to use the form “Ms’”, etc.

Introduction and introduction:

Analysis of the situation.

Dialogue between 3 people, two of whom are acquaintances.

Have you come to the Olympics? May I join you?

Yes. What city are you from?

From Tomsk, and you?

From Saint-Petersburg. What university?

Exercise: 1) indicate obvious violations of etiquette;

2) write two possible options proper etiquette.

Performance . Individual or public.

Do you need to introduce yourself.

Do not exaggerate someone's fame.

Acquaintance without an intermediary or self-representation. Rules good manners do not provide for dating without an intermediary. But situations are different, so in the case of meeting without an intermediary, you can resort to one of the proposed formulas: let me get to know you; let me get to know you; let me introduce myself; Let me introduce myself.

If you submit a business card, do you need to identify yourself?

Acquaintance through an intermediary.

The most common mistakes:

-This is Svetlana Petrovna) status?)

- This is our director (name?)

But Ivanova is standing there, everyone knows her. Option: Do you know her, of course? (how to apply?)

If a person who knows only you approaches you and your partner, first of all you need to introduce him to your partner. If you don't want to, step aside with him. In a situation of several strangers, the following options are possible: You ask to be introduced to everyone at once; You introduce yourself loudly to everyone at once; You circumvent the campaign by introducing yourself to everyone. You ask the mediator to introduce you to everyone. You shouldn't remain anonymous.

When meeting through an intermediary, the principle of emphasized respect is observed, which requires that: a man be introduced to a woman; junior senior; all parents, regardless of age and social status; person less familiar to more familiar; entered by those present.

As a rule, the intermediary first names the person to whom he introduces the guest, visitor or new employee, and only then the name of the person he represents. The following clichés are commonly used:

allow / let me introduce you to ...; allow / allow me to introduce to you ...; please get to know...

The one who was introduced should pay attention, it is impolite not to show interest. The one who was introduced is a passive person, he is waiting for an outstretched hand, a compliment, participation.

If one person is introduced to two, three, four, the acquaintance procedure will be mutual, if there are five or more gathered, they are not called. The owner must introduce the visitor to everyone and bring him to one of the guests. This latter already plays the role of an intermediary.

In a situation of official acquaintance, one of the etiquette rules is an indication of the profession, position, position. This is a mutual process.

In a youth environment, when meeting, a name is usually called, in an official or business meeting surname or surname and given name.

In a formal setting, after the exchange of greetings and the acquaintance procedure, a business compliment follows.

Greetings:

You have entered a room where five men are sitting. You know three. What's the best way to say hello?

You have entered a room where five men you know are sitting. How will you greet?

You entered the room where your boss and three colleagues are sitting. How will you greet?

In the room is your boss, you and three colleagues. A woman enters. Your actions?

In the room you and three colleagues. A woman enters. Your actions?

What are the basic etiquette rules when presenting

What are the basic etiquette rules for shaking hands?

Welcome initiative. The first to greet a man with a woman (the woman is the first to extend her hand), the younger with the elder, the subordinate with the boss, entering with those present, regardless of rank, passing with those standing still. Of two people of the same sex, age, position, the first to greet is polite and well-mannered.

Entering the room in which the guests invited by the owner are located, a person should greet each person present separately or all at once. Approaching the table, at which the guests are already sitting, the latecomer should greet all those present with an apologetic gesture - a hand to his chest and a slight bow. Taking your place, you must once again say hello to the neighbors on the table. At the same time, shaking hands with friends, especially across the table, is not accepted.

At official receptions, first of all, they greet the hostess and the owner, then the ladies (first the older ones, then the young ones), then the older and older men, and only after that the rest of the guests.

A seated man, greeting a lady or a person older in age or position, must necessarily stand up. If he greets people passing by without engaging in conversation with them, he may not get up, but only rise.

Gestures accompanying a greeting. A greeting (like a farewell) is usually accompanied by gestures: a handshake, a raise of a hand, a nod of the head, a tilt, and sometimes a kiss on the woman's hand. Gestures when greeting play significant role- certain information (positive or negative) is transmitted by interlocutors at a non-verbal level. The most common gesture is the handshake.

Handshake. When shaking hands, there are firm etiquette norms. The first to extend her hand: a woman to a man, a senior to a junior, a boss to a subordinate. The hostess of the house should not forget to give a hand to all the guests invited to her house.

When greeting a familiar woman on the street, a man must raise his headdress (the exception is a beret and a winter hat). If the greeting is accompanied by a handshake, the man must take off his glove, the woman may not take it off (except when she greets a woman much older than herself), since gloves, a bag, a scarf, a headdress are part of the women's toilet. At the same time mittens, warm leather gloves When shaking hands, be sure to take it off.

Of great importance when greeting is the manner of holding. An unfavorable impression is made by a person who, while extending his right hand for greeting, keeps his left hand in his pocket, looks away or continues a conversation with another person. All of this borders on rudeness. Impoliteness, emphasized inattention does not encourage further communication. Very noisy greetings are also considered a violation of etiquette. You should not flaunt your acquaintances and draw the attention of all those present to your person.

The words with which people address each other as a sign of greeting when they meet should always be respectful, friendly and benevolent. A greeting is a perfectly acceptable way to start a conversation or make a new acquaintance.

It is desirable that the greeting be detailed and open to continue the conversation. For example: “Good afternoon, Tatyana, how are you?” Many are afraid of a direct reaction to a question, that is, a story about deeds. It's not scary. There are several unconditional advantages in a detailed greeting: everyone loves their name, everyone loves showing attention to themselves, the question allows you to stop the person you need. When greeting, one can and should take into account the status and gender and age characteristics of the interlocutor. You won’t ask your boss: “How are you?”, and you won’t say to a woman: “You don’t look good, are you healthy?” On the other hand, in relation to colleagues and subordinates, the formula is always appropriate: “Glad to see you.” You can say to the boss: “How good (successfully) that I met you.” It is advisable to have your own “Hello”, that is, a greeting address peculiar to you. This makes you memorable - an important condition for long-term business relationships.

Compliment- pleasant words, somewhat exaggerated positive traits interlocutor, uttered with the aim of giving a person pleasure, gaining favor with oneself or the issue under discussion. Difference from praise: praise is directed from top to bottom and states the fact of a positive attitude towards the work done. The difference from flattery: flattery is directed from the bottom up, always has selfish goals.

Conventionally, a compliment can be divided into two types: secular and business.

Worldly compliment. A secular compliment is a compliment to the appearance, to the dignity of a person. It is intended, as a rule, for familiar people: relatives, relatives, friends, acquaintances, work colleagues. At the same time, it must be emphasized that even today one should distinguish between a compliment addressed to a man and a compliment addressed to a woman.

Complimenting a woman is a little easier. You can praise her appearance, clothes, perfume, jewelry, etc. Complimenting a man is a more complicated matter. In the West, it is customary to praise a country villa, a car, horseback riding, playing golf, etc. Property, intelligence, abilities - these are the main topics for a compliment intended for a man. But in all cases, a compliment always emphasizes the dignity of your interlocutor.

A compliment requires special tact in relation to the addressee. On the one hand, one should not get carried away with this form of verbal communication, on the other hand, in some cases an unspoken compliment can border on impoliteness. For example, if you failed to appreciate the hospitality of the owners of the house.

A secular compliment is very common in an informal setting. However, this form of compliment is also necessary at the level of formal relations, especially in the sphere of management.

A compliment is always addressed to the interlocutor, brightly addressed, while the “I” of the speaker steps aside a little: “You look great!”, “This suit suits you very much”, etc. In response to a secular compliment, it is customary to thank: “Thank you ", "Thank you", "You are very attentive", etc. Replies: "You flatter me", "This is just a compliment" and others are considered impolite. Any compliment must contain a considerable amount of truth.

One small detail. If you always only thank for a compliment, nodding your head with a satisfied look: “Yes, I am like that,” you risk losing the favor of your acquaintances, friends, and colleagues. In any situation, in almost any person, you can find, emphasize something good, worthy of encouragement. Find a reason for response words of approval, admiration, recognition to your close friends, colleagues, acquaintances.

business compliment. A business compliment is an exchange of pleasantries between parties, partners ("I'm glad to see you," etc.). A business compliment starts and ends any business meeting, conversation, negotiations. According to the protocol, this is a mutual and mandatory procedure.

In writing business etiquette a business compliment is an expression of politeness that ends any official and semi-formal letter. A compliment at the end of a letter is an obligatory part of correspondence, including private. The following final politeness formulas are used in the letter: “Yours sincerely…”, “Yours sincerely”, “Devoted to you”, etc. In their style and tone, the final politeness formulas should be harmonious with the appeal and the main text of the letter. So, if the letter begins with the words: "Dear Sirs!", "Gentlemen", then the following final formulas will be preferable: "Sincerely yours", "Respectfully", etc.

Compliment rules.

Compliments are a must.

The compliment must be interpreted unambiguously so that the interlocutor does not perceive it as a “hairpin”.

The compliment must also be truthful: if you praise those qualities of the interlocutor that he does not possess, then you will be suspected of insincerity.

The best compliment is the pleasant words that you have found for this particular person, that is, individuality is a mandatory quality for a compliment.

The compliment must be sincere. Praise what you really like.

Compliments not only need to be able to speak, but also to accept. If you are praised, and you start ardently or with a grin to deny your positive qualities, you put the interlocutor in a very unpleasant position. As a last resort, you can always just say "thank you", although it's better to show that you enjoy compliments, especially from this person.

The compliment can be closed: “How nice that you are punctual!” and open: “Your lectures are very popular with students, you probably prepare a lot?” A contrasting compliment is psychologically effective: "You always do everything on time, I can't do it that way."

Task3. "Compliment".

Give a simple compliment: I like your hairstyle.

Compliment with the following: I like your hairstyle. How do you do it?

What can you say to a compliment other than "thank you".

What do you feel when your compliment: “What a good suit you have”, they answer you: “Yes, you can’t throw it away”.

Your Very Short Compliment.

Your Very Flowery compliment.

Your compliment to a business woman.

Your compliment to a man in the process of business communication.

Sympathy.

Parting.

The basic rules of speech etiquette - any appeal or manifestation of attention to a partner should be: meaningfully thought out, intonation verified, timely, adequate to the situation and the status of the partner, the nature of the relationship.

Comfort. Certainly depends on the individuality of the comforter and the comforted. Sometimes it helps a person if you present his problems as insignificant: don’t worry, but with me ... you are not the only one, God, what nonsense! Some find this form of consolation painful. They feel that they or their problems are not taken seriously. Especially, this applies to women. When consoling such interlocutors, you should try to switch their attention to the bright side of life, or completely immerse yourself in all the details of what happened, experience them together. It calms down almost everyone.

Parting . The main requirement for parting is never to say goodbye for good, always leave the opportunity to continue contacts. Saying goodbye to a business partner, repeat the conditions. time and place of the next meeting. In parting, as well as in greeting, it is recommended to express pleasure from the meeting and have your own “goodbye”, which distinguishes you from others. "somehow" form.

APOLOGY.

Meaning: recognition of one's guilt / mistake; The goal is the desire to establish contact, to optimize the situation.

Speech forms of apologies:

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I won't do it again, I'm sorry.

Meaning: disagreement, dissatisfaction, indignation, admission of guilt, conversion, reproach.

Response formulas of politeness:

It's okay, it happens, it's good, it's accepted,

Requests and refusals Politeness formulas depend on the status, age. Degrees of acquaintance.

Direct and no tricks

Indirect

Etiquette, as a symbolic form of communication, can be used as a way to manipulate a partner.

Change of good and bad manners. Roughness.

Punctuality as a way to manipulate a partner.

Punctuality: American version, Russian version, variants…

If you are made to wait for more than 15 minutes, then you are being manipulated. You have to determine: your position in relation to this person,

the reason for the meeting; the goal you are aiming for.

After waiting 15 minutes, say that you can’t wait any longer, and arrange the next meeting by phone. Reaction options: 1. You are accepted immediately; 2. They apologize to you and ask you to wait. 3. They don't respond to you. Your reaction is to leave or keep waiting. Reply by delaying the start of contact.

How to protect yourself:

1. Do not come earlier than 5 minutes.

2.Always confirm your meeting.

3. Leave a margin of time for unforeseen circumstances.

4. While waiting, get busy.

Food as a form of communication, manipulation and relaxation.

Food as a protocol event. Seating rules, rules of behavior at the table, rules for eating.

Food as a form of communication.

How often do you need to turn to a new acquaintance or random person? It happens that people are able to get confused in a situation when they suddenly need to turn to someone. And you can't just take it and say "Hey!" or "I'm sorry." How should one act? How to contact people?

In fact, in etiquette there are quite understandable and understandable actions for everyone in this regard.

If you are older

If you are several years older than the person you are addressing, then, depending on the specific case, according to etiquette, you can refer to the person as “you” or “young man”. It would be appropriate to add "Sorry"/"I'm sorry." Such an appeal used to be often heard among the inhabitants of Leningrad, who turned to young people: "Sorry, young man ....". Apologies actually meant that the one who applied apologizes in advance for taking up time.

If you are younger

If you younger than that, to whom you decide to turn, it is better to turn to "you". The exceptions are when the person is only two or three years older than you. In the rest, it is better to address the person in a respectful manner: "Excuse me, please"; "Man, you dropped", "Girl, are you busy?" and so on.

Ancient appeals

In the USSR, a passer-by could often be addressed as "Citizen" or "Comrade". Moreover, such an appeal was relevant among representatives of the police and the ranks of citizens. Today, more and more often among representatives of the law one can hear appeals: “Young man”, “Girl”, “Woman or “Man”. In general, the most common appeals that are common in society. All because addressing people, calling them comrades, is already not relevant for many, although among military personnel or even students it may be quite appropriate.

greeting etiquette

Speaking about how to greet people, it is worth recalling that the words "Hello", "Hello", "Great" and others are familiar. In etiquette, they are allowed to be used only among close friends. At the same time, it is emphasized that if you meet people who are not familiar with your surroundings, you should say hello to a friend according to generally accepted rules: "Hello", "Hi".

When greeting people who are an order of magnitude older than you, you should not ask questions like: “How are you?”, “How are you?”, “How are you?”. In etiquette, it is customary to ask "How are you?", "How are you?". Pay attention to the respectful address to the interlocutor.

Etiquette in the workplace

Business appeal - demonstration respectful attitude to partners and colleagues. Therefore, it is customary to address everyone as “you”: managers, subordinates, clients, partners, colleagues, regardless of age and status. The official situation requires increased courtesy in addressing the interlocutor, regardless of his position. An appeal to the most important persons occupying a high public or official position, distinguished for outstanding services, may be as follows: "Highly respected (deeply respected)" I.O.

In the office environment, addressing by name and patronymic is provided, the only exception can be that employee or client who himself asks to address him only by name. In this case, you must use full form name, for example Anatoly, not Tolya. Refer to "you". Perhaps, having worked together for a long time, you managed to become good friends, or maybe friends, you should not combine business and personal relationships in the workplace, among colleagues you should not give yourself indulgence in the form of familiar addresses, follow the rules of etiquette. Also, in the business world, gender-based appeals “Girl”, “Man”, etc. are unacceptable. Address options: “Dear colleagues!”, “Gentlemen” are quite acceptable.

The question of addresses in modern Russian is one of the most relevant in speech etiquette- a section of linguistics that studies "linguistic politeness". How to contact a stranger? What do you need to know to do this? I wanted to reflect on this topic… Performed a search and analysis of information. I am not a linguist or a linguist, but what I managed to learn was very useful.

One of the greatest assets of man and the greatest
pleasure - the opportunity to communicate with their own kind. It would seem no
nothing is more natural and easier than talking to someone, but our
everyday life gives many examples of the fact that we sometimes do not know how to communicate or do it not well enough.

The Russian-speaking world is different, with different traditions, even within one group there are a lot of options, a lot of ages, all sorts of styles, "hanging out", fashion - everything, anything. There are intellectuals, laymen, simple people and difficult - it is impossible to tell about all this in a few pages. In the history of address language, things are changing rapidly. It is influenced by social processes and revolutions...

The purpose of the appeal is to establish contact. Without such contact, it is impossible to talk.
Why is contact needed? It is set to determine the circle of communication (or "not communication").
In the vast majority of cases there is no circulation problem. We are talking about appeals to acquaintances, relatives and friends. Everything is clear and simple here.
Each layer of society, including marginal societies and organizations, has its own “accepted and not accepted” appeals: colleagues, brother and sister ...
The problem of address arises when it is necessary to address a stranger. The difficulty is that there are almost no polite neutral words. There are appeals emotionally colored: father, mother or father, son, brother, brother, countryman and the like.
Maxim Krongauz, director of the Institute of Linguistics of the Russian State Humanitarian University, writes: “... this is the whole range of kinship terms in relation to strangers. In fact, we can say that this is such a kind of family metaphor for everything. human society..., familiar, a little colloquial, but warm appeal.

This manner of address was rural, and then it spread to other strata of society, but it still bears the imprint of “simplicity”.
There are a lot of emotionally colored appeals. Suffice it to say that in some situations not only the interjection "Hey!", but even a simple "Uh-uh!" for a call is quite appropriate. "Hey, watch out!" - we will shout, without ceremony, to warn of a sudden danger.
Other emotionally colored appeals made up of random external signs, they sound quite rude. For example: “Hey, in a red blouse, the handkerchief was dropped!”
Before the revolution of 1917, stable addresses were adopted in Russia: sir / madam, sir / madam, citizen / citizen and even Your Excellency, not to mention Your Excellency, Your Nobility and High Nobility ...
At present, they are called gentlemen, emphatically significant, grotesquely - "goss-po-yes!". Or for effect - "hos-po-da!". And it is immediately clear that no one is considered masters here.
Such an appeal is quite acceptable among informals: “Gentlemen! Especially you, hairy, yes, the one on the left. Please give me that half-eaten sandwich, I’m hungry. I'm starting to get sober..."
It sounds very good, as they say, “cool”: “Gentlemen! Lord! Who's holding the elevator there?!!!" Or, "In line, gentlemen!"
The appeal - "gentlemen" - can be perceived as a joke, as irony, or as a mockery.
Politely, call others "masters" and call yourself "your obedient servant."
"WE are not gentlemen - gentlemen are all in Paris!" Sharikov said. When we don’t spit on the floor, throw garbage anywhere and use foul language for any reason, maybe then we will become gentlemen ...
The word "master" is certain meaning and is not a "duty" treatment. For this to happen, probably more than one hundred years must pass ... But before that, the appeal "sir" must come into use.
“There is no master without a slave and a slave without a master. Calling someone "master" automatically degrades us, and who wants that?"
The appeal of "gentleman" quite often means "pathetic" intelligentsia.

From the address “master”, it breathes with pompous pathos, elitist-snobbish officialdom and the very infamous dichotomy “master - slave”, which, contrary to the assertions of the “greens”, is absolutely impossible to get rid of and expel from the associative ranks of our consciousness. For such an association is rooted in the very etymology of this word (as well as in all other historical, literary and everyday contexts of its use, absorbed from childhood). I do not think that the address "mister" is worthy of being a symbol of sincere and mutual respect of the interlocutors. It brings a chill of alienation and stiffness, and sometimes it sounds funny and grotesque (for example, when an old man addresses a young man like that). And isn't it too bold to honor all gentlemen? In short, an overly pretentious word. Where mutual trust and equality reign, the word "master" is certainly inappropriate.

In Russia, it has always been a kind of privilege - to be called / Mrs / Mrs. And after the disappearance of the corresponding classes, this appeal completely lost its meaning.
In Russia, the word "master" serfs addressed the master. And note that, despite the lordly upbringing - never vice versa!
By the way, the White officers, taking the Red Army prisoners, called them "gentlemen" and, thus, they guarded their dignity. They did not communicate with "comrades" - only with "gentlemen" ...
“Mister” is a normal address if you don’t know the name, patronymic of the person you are addressing. Works great for talking on the phone. Immediately gives the interlocutor a solid status. "Sir" is the most neutral address.

Appeal "comrade" ... A bit of history.
"Comrades" - this is how Caesar addressed his legions. And this was the privilege of Caesar's soldiers (they say that the soldiers of the Tenth Legion, beloved by Gaius Julius, were the first to receive such an honor). When Caesar was transporting troops from Italy to Hellas (he wanted to defeat Pompey), the soldiers refused to sail because of the storm. It was enough for Caesar to address them not as “Comrades”, but as “Quirins” (that is, “citizens”) - and they were so ashamed that they begged the commander on their knees to forgive their weakness and cowardice!
“Comrade” - that was the name of the merchants who had a common, as they would say now, business, that is, a GOODS, in other words, they were “COMRADES” to each other.
Appeal - "comrades" is suitable only for equals. But not everyone can be equal. "Goose pig, really no comrade."
The entire Zaporizhian Sich, the Don, part of the Volga, Yaik and Kuban were "comrades". And the merchants were none other than ushkuiniki, they are also merchants, and robbers, and artel workers. Therefore, for a long period, not only and not so much merchants called themselves “comrades”, but free people, free from slavery, from sovereigns and gentlemen, from the state. In Dahl's dictionary we read: "On the road, the son is a comrade to the father, BOTH ARE EQUAL, help each other." Therefore, the address "comrade" means first of all the equality of people, which is possible only among free people.

The appeal "comrade" is very old, in itself - not invented by the Bolsheviks. But it has an important drawback - there is no gender difference.

Then how to understand the appeals - "comrades" and "comrades"?
"Comrade" is more for homeless people and hicks, huddled in flocks, with the most indispensable familiar pats and the corresponding cultural level; It is not for nothing that in our time the word "comrade" has acquired an indelible derogatory and ironic connotation, and now they usually address those who are not particularly (especially not) respected.

Let's compare the appeals: "comrade" and "master" ...
The appeal "master" does not imply the presence of a serf-slave, etc., as Soviet textbooks taught us, but some kind of inner fullness, integrity and will. “Master” means “worthy person”, while “comrade” is something opposite. Do you hear the words "power" and "property" in it? Undoubtedly. The master has power over himself - is responsible for himself and property (in broad sense: honor, social status, capital), - and this is his freedom. Comrade, there is nothing to lose, nothing is dear to him - and therefore he is deceitful and irresponsible - he is a slave to his homelessness.
From a “comrade”, “friend”, or even a “brother” at all, it smells of rotten collectivism and painful desire cling: they say, I'm mine. You are not my own. Mr. free man, master of life, fish in the water. If we in Russia want to build a society of worthy people, internally free and full-fledged, then there can be no talk of any “comrades”.
The word "comrade" does not say anything about dignity, it says only about a subjective attitude. The master will remain the master, no matter how we treat him. Comrades live by comparisons: who is superior to whom. The gentlemen do not need this, for they know that a person does not begin with a wallet, but with a soul and culture. The agreement of the gentlemen is weighty, and to fulfill its conditions is a matter of honor; the word "comrade" does not carry a legal connotation: this word, said, perhaps with sincere feeling, but of a purely personal nature - not a commitment, but an indicator of attitude.

Soviet power "inflicted on the Russian language serious injury from which he still has not recovered. in a violent way generally accepted and habitual appeals were withdrawn from the lexicon. A harmonious and flexible system was destroyed. All the nuances human communication reflected: from the strict "dear sir" to the sincere "my sir" and the familiar "good sir." It is noteworthy that only the grassroots, common folk tradition, which Maxim Krongauz spoke about, survived. The manner of addressing in terms of kinship, organic for rural speech, spread to other segments of the population. Something had to be done to fill the vacuum. And the words "comrade" and "citizen" were far from suitable for everyone and not always.
Our modern comrade has lost his sharp social meaning, the appeal became applicable to any person.
The noun comrade has no correlative pair female, so its application to women is difficult. Comrade Petrova! - Sounds too formal and solemn.
For the word citizen there is a corresponding pair - a citizen. Its meanings
are:

1. "A person belonging to the permanent population of this state, enjoying all the rights provided for by the laws of this
state, and fulfilling all statutory responsibilities".
2. "Adult person, as well as the form of addressing him".
3. "A person who subordinates his personal interests to the public, serving the Motherland, the people."

This meaning is found, for example, in N.A. Nekrasova: “A poet can you not
be, but must be a citizen.
The word citizen, apparently, correlates with the first two meanings.
Appeals citizen, comrade replaced in revolutionary times a whole
a number of names reflecting social inequality. The lord and madam, the gracious sovereign and the gracious empress, your honor, sir and madam, your excellency, have gone out of use ...
One of the first decrees Soviet power read:
“All titles of a nobleman, merchant, tradesman, peasant, etc.), titles (princely, civil, etc.) and the names of civil ranks (secret, state and other advisers) are destroyed, and one common name for the entire population of Russia is established as a citizen of the Russian Republic ".

Our modern appeal citizen (citizen) has two clearly tangible shades. First, formality and rigor; Second, it's just not polite. ( Good morning…citizen!). Needless to say, the diminutive formation "citizen" also does not add much politeness to communication, it sounds ironic.
“In general, the situation with addresses in Russian is extremely interesting, and not only in Russian,” Maxim Krongauz continues his story. - Address is a very sensitive area of ​​the language, which is very much subject to external influence. There are cases when the authorities simply canceled appeals by decrees and introduced new ones. At one time, the French Convention did so after the revolution, introducing by decree the address "citizen", "citizen". Approximately the same thing, albeit not by decree, but in fact also harshly, happened after October revolution, when the word “comrade” came to replace “sir” and “madame”, “master” and “mistress”, which differed quite a lot. First of all, first of all, it eliminated gender differences, because the address "comrade" was convenient regardless of who the interlocutor was, a man or a woman. Secondly, it removed all differences in social status. The appeal "sir" and "madame", "mister" and "madam" implied a rather high status of the interlocutor. It was impossible to address a person with a low status as “sir”, “madame”. "Comrade" greatly lowered this status. The word "comrade" can refer to any person. In a sense, it reflected democracy, the elimination of all differences, including gender, gender, and social. But after Perestroika, the word "comrade" actually dropped out of the language, remaining only in speech Communist Party, for ideological reasons. Because, after all, "comrade" and in Soviet era understood exactly how Soviet word. That is why, after Perestroika, it actually left the language as neutral, and for many Soviet citizens it was still neutral, although it must be emphasized here that it was not for everyone. This ideological Soviet flavor remained. And the word "master", which is now sometimes used in the press, in official letters, did not become that pre-revolutionary "master". You are absolutely right in saying that it cannot possibly enter the language as a neutral address, and I think that it will not. Today it is most likely perceived as alienating. If a person is addressed as “Mr. Ivanov” (by last name), then they are more likely to be kept at a distance. The normal neutral address in Russian is, of course, the name and patronymic, or the name in a situation where patronymics have lost their positions. So, “sir” can in no way be considered the former, and in no way corresponds to the neutral address of modern European languages, such as the French "monsieur", the English "mister". This, of course, causes great inconvenience to foreigners, but not to Russians.”

A few years ago, the writer V. Soloukhin proposed to introduce
appeal sir, madam. Many opinions were expressed for and against.
Opponents referred mainly to the fact that it was unusual, strange.
Yes, of course, everything newly introduced is strange at first, but how quickly we get used to it.
to the new! (Good morning, ma'am! Unusual? Yes. But it fits!).
Meanwhile, it is known that Soloukhin's proposal did not take root in life: we have never heard such an appeal anywhere. In the article "Ocean
native word”, published several years later, Soloukhin wrote that, according to
in his opinion, these appeals, as commonly used, did not take root not only
because they were not promoted through radio, newspapers, television, but not
were accepted by the people themselves, since not always and not every woman can
say: "Madam!"
Why, after all, is it still difficult for us to accept the appeal "sir", "madame"? They are outdated, that's right. But there are times when we revive the forgotten in the language. Here, the whole point is that the corresponding associations are associated with these appeals. The pronunciation of the word madam evokes the idea of ​​a woman of a certain Appearance, maybe “Turgenev”, maybe “Chekhov”. So it is not easy for any of our contemporaries to combine her image with the image of the madam. Well, is it not possible to imagine such a process when the application of a word to a person will make him become better? What if you call a person a sir or madam, and he will try to “pull himself up”, behave accordingly!

At least we could borrow a few from the Chinese
Wise they have ignorance of foreigners.
Will we ever be resurrected from the foreign power of fashion?
So that our smart, cheerful people
Although the language did not consider us Germans.
“How to put the European in parallel
With the national - something strange!
Well, how to translate Madame and Mademoiselle?
Really ma'am!!" someone muttered to me...
Imagine everyone here
Laughter erupted at my expense.
(c) Griboedov

Until “sirs” and “sirs” took root. However, the search for
necessary. Among the most diverse addresses in the national Russian language, in folk speech, probably, you can find a suitable for universal
use in any communication situation. As for the notorious
"men" and "women", then this, of course, is not a godsend. Linguists quite rightly consider addressing adults by gender as incorrect.

In Russia, there is a “Name-Patronymic” system, which in itself is a respectful address. IN pre-revolutionary Russia, addressing by “Name-Patronymic” was a sign of respectful treatment - as opposed to officialdom. A typical example is the naval tradition.

In the language of addresses, there are such formulas of politeness as “be kind”, “be kind”, “excuse me”, “forgive me”. At the same time, in a construction like “Forgive me, but you can’t tell me ....” the word "sorry" loses its meaning. In the first place comes the communicative function, the desire to attract attention.
“All people in the world are called Sorry!”
However, says Maxim Krongauz, director of the Institute of Linguistics at the Russian State Humanitarian University, the content of the word “sorry” is not completely lost in this context. Maxim Krongauz believes that in this case the addressing person, albeit formally, asks for forgiveness for the anxiety caused by the request:
“We turn to someone and thereby involve him in an action that, perhaps, is not interesting to him, unpleasant. This form of "sorry" is, indeed, a request for forgiveness for the inconvenience caused. So I don't think there's anything wrong with the "I'm sorry" form."

And briefly I want to say about the appeals in a business letter ...
The most common form of address in a business letter is "Dear...". The word respected is used as a neutral form of politeness, usually in combination with either the addressee's first name or patronymic, or with the words mister (plus the addressee's surname), comrade (plus the addressee's surname), colleague (plus the addressee's surname). It can also be used with the name of a position, rank or social status.
The address "sir - gentlemen", which had official status until 1917, is now widely used in various fields the life of our society. However, it should be remembered that even a word reduced to an index of politeness when addressing by surname is not free from lexical meaning, which includes an idea of ​​the social status of the addressee. This is how they address in letters to business partners, entrepreneurs, bankers, officials, artists, politicians. At the same time, it is absolutely impossible to imagine the situation of using this appeal in relation to socially unprotected groups of the population: “gentlemen with disabilities”, “gentlemen refugees”, “gentlemen unemployed”. In this case, the compilers business letters find themselves in plight, since today there is no national language in the Russian language universal appeal, which until 1917 was the paired address "sir - madam" (gracious sovereign - gracious sovereign).
When referring to a specific to an individual use various forms: with and without an index, by surname and by name and patronymic. Depending on the degree of closeness with your correspondent, the appeal may begin with the words “Dear + first name” or “Dear + last name”, for example:

Dear Mr. Vasiliev!
Dear Mr. Ivanov!
Dear Alexey Stepanovich,
Dear Irina Petrovna!

When choosing a formula of address, you need to remember that a last name implies a distance and gives the letter a more official character, while addressing by name and patronymic emphasizes the well-established business relationship.
The comma after the address gives the letter an everyday character; The exclamation point indicates that the fact of referring to this person or the issue raised in the letter is of particular importance.
In the case when there is a comma after the address, the text of the letter begins with a lowercase letter, after the exclamation mark, the first sentence must begin with an uppercase letter.
The absence of a surname and name address is permissible only if there is a collective addressee and in stenciled letters, as well as when addressing a letter to a legal entity.
In the latter case, the name of the position can be used in the appeal formula, for example: “Dear Mr. Director!”, “Dear Mr. Ambassador!”. Judges are addressed "Your Honor!"
If the addressee has a rank or title, you can indicate it instead of addressing “master”.
When addressing the addressee, it is necessary to take into account the scope of his activity and official position. The neutral word "respected" is also not universal, it is not included in the formula of a nominal address to a particularly important person. Such a person is considered not only a high official (members of the government, parliament, governors, mayors), but also an honored worker of science, art, well-known public figure. In letters to such people, appeals are used: “Dear ...”, “Dear ...”, for example, “Dear Nikolai Vasilyevich!”
In a number of letters, when a particular person is considered as a subject civil relations, the word "citizen" is used as an address.
When referring to a collective addressee, the most commonly used expressions are:
Dear Sirs!
Ladies and gentlemen!
Dear Colleagues! (when referring to persons of the same profession)
Dear Veterans!